I drive a Nissan Pathfiner. It’s huge. And bright red. And I always have my lights on. He must be blind.

I managed, on that Wednesday afternoon, to do 12,000$ worth of damage to our beloved SUV that we had had for less than a year and only had 31,000 miles on. It was a hot mess. The whole front end was destroyed. The airbags deployed and burned my hands. We were missing all sorts of mirrors and grills and plastic, OH MY.

I had all three kids in the car with me. Talk about scary. The 30 seconds it took us to crash, me to process the situation and jump out of the car to get the kids was the scariest of my life. I had no idea what was going on. There was smoke everywhere, which came from the airbag, but I didn’t know that then. All I knew was the that I was in the middle of a very busy road, there was smoke, and my babies were all screaming.

Jimmy had been napping when we crashed and was very rudely awakened. He almost seemed the least upset, he just couldn’t figure out what was going on and was crying because the big kids were screaming. Jimmy was harnessed in a 5 point harness behind the passenger seat. He ended up with a small bruise on his hip from the seat, but no other injuries.

Chase was seated behind the driver seat also in a 5 point harness at four and a half years old. Chase left the accident with a couple bruises, but physically alright. Emotionally he was in worse shape. For weeks he didn’t want to get in the car, and would ask if we were going to have an “assident”. He started wetting the bed again at night for a few months and was so embarrassed about it. Now he is fine, but is was hard to see him so worried.

Maddie was riding in the third row on the passenger side in a low back booster seat. She was screaming the loudest after the crash, and for a minute I really couldn’t tell if she was hurt or not. Her glasses flew off her face during the impact, and I think it really scared her to hear the boys crying and not really being able to see what is going on. She was a little sore for a couple days after, but overall was fine.

I am still dealing with some chronic neck and back pain. While my MRI’s are all negative, I continue to have muscle spasms, pain and tension. I really don’t care about it…because my babies are Ok.

The morning after the crash my insurance company called me to go over some details. The man was so relieved when I told him all three kids were fine and only needed follow up Dr visits and no hospital care at all. He said he is always scared to call when their are children involved, always worried that there will be a funeral to plan.

Thank god. My babies were Ok. Thank god.

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ANYWAY.

We had a ton of fun, and the kids LOVED it. Chase has now decided that he NEEDS to have his birthday party there this summer. We will see little man, we will see.

Maddie went for the between the legs roll. She bowled a pretty decent score, but still came in second out of the three chitlins.

Chase went for the Kung Fu Master bowling style in which he threw the ball down the lane and then danced around like a crazy person until it got to the pins.

Which took a very long time. Chase came in third out of the chitlins.

Jimmy, on the other hand, was very serious about this bowling stuff. He walked up, bowled, and then promptly went back to giving me a heart attack with trying to get his fingers smushed in the ball return. Yet, he had the highest score of the small ones. Go figure. Jim and Jimmy hung out a lot and watched the older kids do their thing, they love their Daddy time.

 And YES! Jim and I did manage to beat Jimmy’s score of 82, though not by much. WHAT? HE HAD BUMPERS.

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iPad- I love it. What I love even more? My kids are currently very happy playing Oregon Trail on it. All they need to see completely into my elementary self is Where in The World is Carmen San Diego. I spent all my time in the computer lab when I was little between those two games. Though I have learned my lesson about naming my Oregon Trail characters after my kids. First time Maddie got taken by a hawk I was a little peeved. 

Lightroom 3- Every since the internet gods decided to do away with Picnik, I have been trying to figure out what I was going to do as far as editing my photos. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fancy schmancy picture taker who needs some amazing software to play with. However when I came across Lightroom 3 for 52% off I just couldn’t pass up on the deal! I have only been able to play with it a little so far, but I am loving it. I for sure had to watch a few tutorials first though.

HP Photosmart printer- Now this, THIS makes me very happy. We have been needed a photo printer for a while. Maddie was going to murder me if one more picture ” is stuck in your camera and I am NEVER GOING TO SEE IT”. Now I am able to print photos whenever I want and I seriously can’t tell the difference between mine and the one’s I get printed for me. It’s fantastic, not to mention super easy to use and sexy as hell looking.

Looks like I am not going to be very productive on my break. I will get some flashcards make in there somewhere, I promise.

PS- Blogher ticket is bought! God bless being a student. Who is going?

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Maddie turned 6! She celebrated her birthday with a party to which her entire kindergarten class was invited to. Oy Vey. Regardless of how much that was so beyond me to handle…she had an amazing time. It was her first real birthday party with her own friends and I so wanted it to be perfect for her. I am so thankful to have this little girl in my life. She makes me nuts, but I love her dearly.

Jimmy also turned 3, the day before Maddie turned 6. We had his party a week later, but on his birthday we had some cupcakes to celebrate my littlest man. And maybe because I wanted cupcakes. Don’t judge.

Anyway, Jimmy Jam had a great time with his cupcake and his party was a hit as well once we got to it. Seeing him zoom around with all of his little friends from school was so cute. Amazing to see that even just at 3 years old they have these little relationships already.

 Speaking of the above photo….anyone have any ideas on how to convince Jimmy to keep his clothes on? It’s getting ridiculous.

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I. Am. Tired.

It feels kind of good to say it out loud. People ask all the time “How are you holding up?” They praise with the always nice “I don’t know how you do it! Three kids and nursing school… WOW.”

I never really know what to say to these people. How am I holding up? Ok I guess. I’m exhausted all the time. My kids never get to see me, let alone my husband. Chase wakes up every day and the first thing out of his mouth is “Are you going to stay with me all day?”

I almost never get to say yes. It kills me. I feel like I am missing so much of their little childhoods. I missed the first 4 years of Maddie’s life…I hate missing more. Chase is so sensitive and such a homebody, he hates all the schedule changes. And Jimmy. Little man. He hates it worst of all.

I am doing well in school. I love school. I just can’t help but wondering…is it really worth it? Is it really worth missing so much right now? I know it will be worth it in the long run…but I can’t get these moments back. Some days I feel like nursing will always be there…I should just come back to it.

But would I? I’m not sure if ever again I will have the drive and determination to get through school as I do right now. I am not sure I would feel the same way in a couple more years. I know I have to stick it out. It’s only 18 more months.

It’s only 18 more months.

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Bad blogger. No cookie.

I have been productive in the last three months though! Who got a B her first semester of nursing school? THIS GIRL.

The kiddies are doing fantastic and are very anxiously awaiting Santa. We are going all out this year and I can’t wait to see their faces on Christmas morning. They are just going to be through the moon, I think I am more excited than they are at this point because I know what is coming.

School is going well for the littles. Jimmy goes two days a week and Chase goes three days a weeks to our local YMCA and Maddie goes to Kindergarten. She had her little Christmas concert last week and it rought tears to my eyes to see her on that stage, so happy and confident, ringing her bell with gusto.

J is in jail still and probably will be there for a while longer. At least until March or so. Maddie has some issues with it all, but will be starting to talk to her guidence conselor at school to see if she will talk about any of it with her.

Nursing school is going well. I absolutely love it and can’t wait to get back in there and learn more. I am happy to have four weeks off from school, but there is something about being in the hospital with my patients that just fullfils me in a way nothing else has ever done.

Ok, I need to go get my baking pants on, which ironically look an awful lot like my eating pants….just sayin.

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The court date came and went and my husband was awarded full physical custody of Miss Maddie Cakes. I spent a bagillion hours on google trying to figure out the difference between legal custody, physical custody, primary custody and partial custody. I was just so untrusting of this piece of paper, and was so sure that somehow… J would get her back.

Being Maddies stepmom has been a joy and a challange. It is frustrating as hell, but there is something unique and very beautiful about our relationship.

 She is my daughter.

It’s hard though. It’s hard when she asks if it is her fault that J is in jail, and if she is mad at her. It’s hard when she asks why she isn’t baptized like the boys. It’s hard to not have baby pictures of her. It’s hard when she crys because her last name isn’t the same as her brothers. It’s hard when I have to explain the situation to doctors and pull out the paperwork from Jim saying I have permission to authorize care.

The changes that we have seen in this little girl in the last nine months are amazing. She used to be a timid, unsure, socially awkward little lady. She couldn’t identify the letters in the alphabet. She couldn’t put together a simple 9 piece puzzle.

Today she is a confident little girl. She has glasses. She goes to kindergarten and writes her name. She is a cheerleader. She is a big help around the house and an amazing big sister.

We love her so much, and she loves us too.

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HELLO HAPPY PILLS.

My last day of work was uneventful, which is the best kind. Then I dropped my iPhone4 in the toilet. I didn’t really drop it so much as it JUMPED out of the pocket of my dress pants. At least I hadn’t pooped.

Anyway. It’s dead and I am avoiding going to the King Of Prussia mall with EVERY ounce of my being because that place scares me. So in the mean time I am using my very old Blackberry and my soul hurts. Sigh.

Maddie started Kindergarten on the 29th. It almost didn’t happen thanks to Hurricane Irene, but luckily the electric company was able to get the schools up and running so that they could start on time. Mothers all over the county were clapping with joy when the call came in. She did awesome and loves it. She already has 3 boyfriends, her favorite being “Julian” who she talks about non stop and apparently he saves her from monsters in her dreams. She is going to be trouble.

The 29th was also my first official day of nursing school which is the main reason I have fallen off the face of the earth. Holy Hell. This be hard. I am enjoying it, but it is A TON of work and takes a lot of my time. Our family has been super awesome at helping with the kids so that I can get my study time in.

The boys start Pre-school next week so more to come on that insanity. OH and Jimmy potty trained! Two and a half years old and for the first time in over 4 years I am not changing diapers. Thank the sweet baby Jesus.

Maddie also had her first cheerleading game this last weekend and that was an adventure. Five and six year old girls cheering is a little painful and makes my ADHD flare, but they are freaking adorable and that makes up for a lot.

I also have a new addiction. It’s a facebook page for my county that allows you to buy and sell items within the county. I have made 500 dollars since last week selling the kids old clothes and some baby items.

HELLO BLOGHER12.

Ok, someone is crying, someone is yelling for toilet paper and I think the washer machine may have just blown up. I’ll be back.

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I am not actively looking for another job, or transfering.

I am going to be home with the kids during the day, with school at night and on the weekends. It is still going to be a lot, between kindergarten, 2 sets of pre school, cheerleading, soccor and mighty mite sports…but I’m so excited to do it!

Hopefully I will have less days like this

And many more days like these…

I love my puppy pile.

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Chase loving the rock wall

Jimmy playing, with Maddie-cakes in the back

When it came time for them to sing Happy Birthday, the girl running the party snuck Chase back into a back room. Another girl started asking all the kids if they knew where Chase was. Nobody knew! Then “Life is a Highway” from Cars starts blaring on the speaker and out comes Chase!

 

Then of course there was the cupcakes and singing.

 

 

It was an amazing day and it will be hard to top for Maddie and Jimmy’s party in January!

 

 

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