My Life's Journeys

Time of the year again!

2011-05-18T14:26:00.002+08:00

Wow, it's that time of the year again when you turn a year older and ask questions about life. Oh, is it just me?

I just read my entry 6 years ago, such a long time. It's nice to document experiences since it makes you relive the past especially happy ones.

Well, I turned a year older again today and just taking it slow. I had no definite plans for the day. I just know that I wanted to take my Birthday leave. My friend told me she stopped counting at age 22 so she is forever 22. Hmm, I think I want to be 24 years old forever because I felt young and free at that age. So I guess am 24 forever.

I just want to do all my fave things today and as I just checked the clock, the day will almost be over. Oh no, panic again. Do you sense babble again? I think I am notorious for it.

Seriously, I am happy in my current state right now. I have wishes and dreams but I just count my blessings. I am thankful for another year of life. If you read my previous posts, you'll know that I am ecstatic to find my passion and mission in life.

I hope in my next entry, it will be clearer to me.

So cheers to another year of love, life and success. I am determined to improve everyday. Ink blot...

Clutch and my driving so far

2011-04-09T08:54:00.005+08:00

I learned from my driving lessons that the "clutch" makes the car move. My instructor taught me how to use the clutch to move the car without gas. He said it would be handy during bumper to bumper traffic. But my hubby said that I might end up to be a clutch driver.

I am trying to practice it but I still could not perfect it and it makes my leg hurt. That's why some opt for automatic cars. Well, I want to master manual first then automatic. Hmm, at least this pain is only temporary.

My sole concern now is steadying and controlling the steering wheel because I tend to react by moving the car in the opposite direction when I feel that another car might hit me. I know it's dangerous. I think I need more courage. God help me. I want to really drive this time.

Is there a pill I can take to give me courage? I am trying to analyze why I had the courage to ride a bike before and I realized that in a bike, you can see everything and can control your movements but in driving a car, you not only have to have presence of mind but have to do several things simultaneously plus mastering how to calculate all sides of the car. I cannot calculate yet and I always feel that I cannot fit or I might hit this and that so my tendency is to move far away, occupying the other lane. Oh well.

I need 1000 hours more practice. But I think, it's good that I want to learn, right?

The other day while waiting for my instructor, all the cars that were arriving and parking at our meeting place were all ladies bringing even SUVs. I thought to myself, if they can do it then so can I.

Tricia's successful surgery

2011-03-29T23:49:00.008+08:00

After several months of dilly-dallying my guard dog's needed surgery for her Pyometra, I finally decided go on with it last March 19 in UP Vet Med Hospital.

Tricia, my 10-year old dog was diagnosed with Pyometra, an infection in the uterus and the only cure is surgery. But given her age, it would be a risky procedure. It took me weeks of check-ups/blood tests to finally convince myself that surgery was the only way.

Even on the dreaded day, I was trying to delay it. I arrived an hour late from my appointment and was asking too many questions that the Vet Dr. told me that I am causing negative vibes and stress to Tricia. I tried to take deep breaths and to think of positive thoughts.

Before the surgery, I kept on saying to Tricia that I will see her after her surgery and reminded her of her promise, 'to stay with me until her longest dog years'.

I kept on praying and literally did not sit down during the whole surgery. It was just 30 minutes or so.

Tricia while waiting for the lab results before the procedure.

The operating room.

Tricia with dextrose and 1st shot of anesthesia.

On-going surgery.

After the surgery, awake and recovering.

I am happy that I decided to push through with the procedure. Her uterus was really infected and needed to be taken out.

Tricia is recovering well and I am happy to see her relieved and happy.

Drive is to bike

2011-03-11T18:28:00.006+08:00

I want to drive and I mean drive my own car. This has been a pending task since I don’t know when, part of my resolutions every year. I made some progress, a little, I have my license, took 2 driving lessons and even hired a driver to teach me. But when I got pregnant and was on bed rest for most of the months I lost all the courage again.

I remember when I was a kid, I wanted to learn to ride a bike no matter what. I didn’t care how many times I fell or hurt myself. I just wanted to ride. I demonstrated that much passion and courage that I learned fast and was good at it.

I wish I could still display that same passion in driving. Now, I am taken by fear, especially seeing all the crazy drivers out there.

But last January, I decided that I ‘would’ drive no matter what. Hah!

I made the first step already. I renewed my license yesterday so I hope I will be driving by the end of my leave.

This is the image in my vision board.

Time

2011-03-09T18:51:00.006+08:00

Time. Tick tock. . . what are you doing now? 24 hours per day seems a lot of time.

In a day, someone can fall in love, discover a new thing, be disappointed, commit a blunder, make a decision, be a star, leave the earth.

The world is round, 7 continents and 196 countries. No matter the time difference, what are you doing with your time?

Time flies so fast when you are engrossed with something. Tomorrow may come and not. What are you doing now? Seize the day, they say but how? Make a decision to do what matters most to you today.

I often sit and wonder what other people are doing with their time while I'm just staring into space. People have different interests or shall I say mission and passions in life. Others are born geniuses, leaders, followers, rich, poor and so on but what matters is what you do with your life.

Am I using my time here on earth wisely? Why can other people be great while I just stay in the sidelines watching them? What do I need to do? Am I just meant to be like this? Or can I be the active participant in this world? I would like to be.

I would like to do something worthwhile and help others.

I envy people who are so sure of what they want to be even at an early age. It didn’t come to me as I expected. Until now, I have to admit, I am still finding my mission and passion in life. Until then will I be able to take an active role in this life.

But slowly, I am jotting down my passions and that includes writing (ever since elementary), Yoga, helping other people and “be a healing presence in the world” (I like this. I came across this in one of my readings about Yoga). I don’t know yet how I can marry all of these things and earn a living. Of course I am concerned with that. But they say you have to live your passions first then money will come. Let’s see.

I have always gotten what I wanted especially if I'm definite of it. I am that stubborn and I will do everything I can to get what I want. But that's the trick, I need to know what I want first.

I am at the stage in my life where I want clear directions, giving glory to God.

I am reminiscing, reflecting on past experiences, hoping to find my passion and make good use of my time here on earth.

Good luck to me.

*image from www.landingnet.co.uk/blog/internet-time-wasting/

My 3rd Pregnancy

2011-02-04T20:19:00.005+08:00

It’s 2011 already and I don’t have my period yet. Gosh, am I pregnant? Worse, I cannot recall the 1^st day of my menstruation last November but I am certain that I had my period then.

The night of Jan 3, I finally mustered the courage to take a pregnancy test. Lo and behold, I had 2 lines but the other one was faint. Oh, what does this mean? I even woke my husband up. But deep down, I felt that I might be pregnant. I panicked… I am not yet ready. I still needed to cure all my vaginal discharges before I could get pregnant. That was what my OB advised. Plus, I had to take this test in St. Lukes to check if I have hypoglycemia. Oh no! So I decided to go for a check-up.

The next day I told one officemate that I suspect that I might be pregnant and then she told another and then another. Then, it was like everyone knew already. What I hated was a commotion without certainty yet, if you know what I mean. And so I headed to my OB lunch time that day. I showed him the faint line on the pregnancy test and he frowned and said the only way we can know for sure is through ultrasound. The Ultrasound showed no sac but there was an evidence of ovulation. Maybe, it was too early yet to see according to the Sonologist. My OB interpreted it as ‘definitely there is no pregnancy’ and so he prescribed me Provera. It was supposed to help me menstruate if I am not pregnant, but if I am it will help the pregnancy.

Ok so I am not pregnant. I felt relieved and happy. But my cousin posed the question: why did was my pregnancy test positive? It got me thinking too.

Before I went home, I bought half of the prescribed quantity of the drug then decided to Google it since I forgot to ask if it was safe for breastfeeding moms. For some reason, I fell asleep early. It was only when I woke up the next day that I got to research about Provera. It said that it’s bad for the 1^st four months of pregnancy and that it passes through the milk so not advisable to breastfeeding too.

I had a random thought or shall I say an inner voice tell me to take a pregnancy test again and if it’s negative, I will take the Provera already. So I took another and this time it was clearly 2 lines. I called my OB to say that I prefer to wait and see if my pregnancy will progress. He advised me to have another ultrasound after a week. I decided to move it later to Friday, Jan 14, hoping I will see more development. My officemates kept on bugging me to take it in the nearby clinic. And so I went but the OB I talked to wouldn’t let me do it since it’s just a week apart. We won’t be able to confirm the pregnancy yet since it would be too early for the heartbeat to show. I was advised to wait for another week.

And then the dreaded thing happened again. I had bleeding. I felt that it was plenty since I saw blood in the toilet bowl. I was not sure if it was implantation bleeding or did I get stressed that day? Could be too. My hands were cold and I had to be strong since I was still in the office waiting for my husband to pick me up. I called my cousin for some needed support.

The next day, I went for a check-up. My OB gave me Duphaston and advised me to take it easy and have my ultrasound next week. That was Jan 15, the 1^st year anniversary of Frather Suarez’s healing sessions in Landmark Trinoma. My husband volunteered as a catcher and his call time was 2:30 PM. He advised me to go with him and receive healing. He said that I will just be worried if I stay at home. So I went instead of rest at home. I waited for almost 2 hours at the VIP area and met some acquaintances.

The program started at 4:30 with some singing performances from Angelo and the Landmark Choir. Father Suarez also gave a short talk and by 5:30, the mass begun. Father Suarez gave a very beautiful and inspiring talk. He went on and said that it’s Jesus who truly heals and he is just like you and me.

After the mass, the healing session immediately begun, I was one of the 1^st batches in line for healing. For my healing, I wrote, ‘Difficult pregnancy and vaginal discharge’. Father Suarez read what was written on my paper and then touched the upper part of my tummy. I felt off balance all of a sudden, as if I was being pushed down. I felt an overwhelming feeling through out my whole body and I fell back slowly as the catcher behind me helped me lie down. There were tears in my eyes and I cannot explain the feeling. At first I cannot will myself to open my eyes and go back up. I stayed there for a while then I remembered that I had to get up but I was still crying. I looked for husband to say that I was done. He was still playing catcher to the others and just told me to wait for him in the mall.

I felt healed and there was some kind of renewed energy in me but I just decided to read in Fully Booked. After browsing through some books, I got a little bored. There weren’t too many open books in this branch so I didn’t have that much to read. Since my husband texted that the healing would take at least 30 minutes more, I decided to check out the sale in Marks and Spencer. First I had to have a CR break. The restroom was far from Fully Booked and I was walking slowly. So by the time I finished and was trying to find Marks, Dom was already looking for me.

Since it was the 1^st Anniversary, there was a dinner at the same healing area sponsored by the Landmark’s owner. Dom was able to get me a ticket and just said that we won’t stay long. The food by Via Mare was delicious. I met the other volunteers and even had a group picture with Fr. Suarez. Plus a cup souvenir too.

After that, everything seemed okay. I went on with work but was extra careful not to stress myself. I took a half day leave on Jan 21 for an ultrasound and check-up with my new OB. I kind of lost confidence with my old one. The scan showed the sac already and the size was 6 weeks 2 days with no heartbeat yet. So it’s waiting time again.

The dreaded thing happened again, I had bleeding again when I came home on Jan. 26. I did not know what to think anymore. I called my OB and was advised to visit her tomorrow. I immediately took Duphaston and lay down on the bed. I was paranoid since I thought I saw some blood clots already. I didn’t want to pee and just went when I really had too.

I dreamt of seeing the faint heartbeat in the ultrasound and so I was hopeful. But I prayed for God’s will.

My baby did not grow in a week’s time. It had the same size and no heartbeat yet. I was devastated. My OB entertained the thought of a blighted ovum but still wanted to be conservative. She injected me with Duphaston and was advised to be on bed rest for 1 week to cure the bleeding. Oh no, I was back to bed rest.

At first I thought that I am an expert at this but it was harder this time. I didn’t know if my baby was really alive. When I did this before, my baby had a strong heartbeat and I just needed to rest to heal the bleeding.

This was harder this time, the anticipation of the outcome. Chances were slim that my pregnancy will progress but I just held on to the Lord. I also readied myself for the eventuality that it might really be a blighted ovum. So I used this time to bond and do exercises with Nina.

So after several prayers, TV programs, sleeping and reading, the moment of truth came. It was really a blighted ovum, size still the same with no heartbeat. I should have been 8 weeks already.

I know I prepared for this but the truth still hurts. I know I got nervous at first since I wasn’t ready to get pregnant but I wanted another baby already. I was prepared to do everything it took for a successful pregnancy.

I guess God had other plans for me. I may not understand this at moment since I see this as another failed pregnancy. I even said to myself that my succeeding would all be successful. I felt the failure. But slowly, I am trying to look at the positive side.

I will survive this, I know with God’s help.

My Road to Recovery

2007-05-21T23:39:00.000+08:00

It has been more than a month since that painful incident in my life. Now when people ask how I am, I can respond with: I am better. My crying times have lessened and were converted to moments of sadness but I always tell myself that my time will come. I have accepted what happened and as some say, probably it wasn’t meant to be, yet.

Who and What helped me move on?

Dominique, my hubby. He is always the stronger one. He kept me sane during my insane moments.

Honey Tricia, my pet dog. She helps me be happy by just being with her. And believe it or not she knows how to console me.

Family and Friends. It always helps to have family and friends who support and genuinely care for you.

Prayer. I admit it took me awhile before I talked to Jesus about it. I know I must be bad. I did not blame Him but sort of questioned it.

Counting my blessings. I have started to list at least 5 blessings I thank for each day. I picked this up from an article I read about Oprah. This helps me focus on what I have and not on what I lack. I also helps me to have a positive outlook in life.

Travel and beach. I went back to Cagayan de Oro with Dom last May 10. He worked while I immersed myself in the city alone. We also went to Camiguin for my much needed beach trip. It is an awesome province and I wish I could have stayed longer in White Island.

I plan to join Dom in his upcoming business trips while I am still on vacation.

Being busy. To divert my attention and make use of my 60-day leave, I made a checklist of things to accomplish. These included finding a new home for us, a new Ob-Gyne, and other pending things.

Time. Time heals all wounds and hurts. I guess my time alone, thinking, reflecting healed me. I cannot be lonely forever.

Eulogy for my Baby Angel!

2007-04-20T19:23:00.000+08:00

They say it would be better to see your baby than to grieve for someone you just imagine. It would also help to touch and even bury your baby. Good thing I deceided to see my baby and bring him/her home with me.

After our Sunday mass, my parents, Dominique and I asked the priest to bless my baby and seek advise on burial. The priest suggested to bury my baby in our memorial lot, no frills but just to dig and lay my baby there to rest. My baby was less than 20 weeks so the hospital did not issue any death certificates.

I spent time alone to touch and talk to my baby before we finally laid her to rest in Loyola Memorial Park in Sucat, Paranaque. Below is the eulogy for my angel.

To my 16-week old baby, my angel,
I love you more than words can say.
You came as a surprise to me and Dominique,
A honeymoon baby, we would like to think.
We did our best to make you healthy,
Regular check-ups, maintaining a healthy diet, walking like a lola, preventing stress,
Shopping for a good OB to take care of us
But God had other plans,
When I have finally accepted and was proud of being pregnant,
He decided to call you back home
God had his reasons that I may not yet comprehend at the moment,
But I hope in time.
I will never forget you.
16 weeks maybe short but to me, they were the best weeks of my life.
Thanks for making us feel parents even for just a little while
And for making your presence felt even though I cannot feel your movements yet
You taught me to be sensitive and to appreciate babies and kids in general
I guess, you are just making me ready for my future babies someday.

I love you forever and will never forget you.

Life in a Blur

2007-04-14T16:26:00.000+08:00

One day I am pregnant and elated. The next day I am not. Life happens so fast that sometimes you wish you can stop time or bring back the past. I just shouted out to the world: I am going to be a mom! Then the next thing I knew, I lost my baby.

My April 12 had a flurry of events that I wish they didn't happen at all. I woke up at 4 in the morning to take a leak, something that I dreaded since the night before I had reddish spotting. I was almost happy to see that I just had urine in the toilet bowl when suddenly, I secreted blood, red, thick blood and cried while uttering "no, no... baby are you OK?" I woke up Dom and told him that I had to be rushed to the hospital.

At the hospital, they took my CBC, urinalysis and tried to hear my baby's heartbeat using Doppler but to no avail. The resident doctor of my OB, checked my cervix and told me that it was closed but why did I have heavy bleeding. I was trying to believe that everything was OK but at the back of my mind I knew there was seriously something wrong. I called my mom and texted my boss that I could not go to work that day. The ultrasound was my only hope to tell me that my baby was alright. It took me close to 2 hours for my ultrasound, only to find out that my baby had no heartbeat. I could not describe really how I felt when I found out that they could not detect any heartbeat. I felt cold sweat and numb all over. I could not believe my ears. I cried and I cried and cried some more. But it could not ease the pain nor bring my baby back.

I needed to be admitted so my OB could induce my labor and deliver the baby normally. She offered to give me pain killers but I said I wanted to feel all the pain. Yes, I felt all the contractions even when my water bag broke. It was past 7pm when I was brought to the labor room to wait for my cervix to dilate to 5cm. After an hour when it was time for my IE, my baby came out on his/her own. I cried again and again that my anesthesiologist thought I was crying because of the pain. No, I did not cry not once because of the physical pain but something much deeper. I was rolled to the Delivery Room and cried again at the sight of the table for the new born that I would not be able to use.

I was asked to cringe on my right side for my epidural anesthesia. It was okay and very bearable. After about 30 minutes, my D and C was done and my baby was shown to me. My baby had deformities and the cord was twisted. My OB siad that it was a blessing since baby would not have a good life if he or she survived. I tried to comfort myself with that thought but it still did not ease the pain.

Up to now, I wish it was just a nightmare. I shed a tear almost everyday to ease the pain. But no matter how many bucket of tears I cry, the pain of a would be mother losing her child is still there. No words of encouragement or strength can help me at the moment. I lost every strength emotionally. Physical pain was easy to survive and even forget immediately. I don't want to be traumatized but I think I am on the verge of it. I try to close my eyes at the sight of babies or even children on TV. I even change the channel or fight back my tears. Dom seems to be stronger than me and I have mistaken him for not being affected by what happened. I read that husbands grieve differently from their wives. They usually try to be stronger to console their wives.

I'm Back!

2007-04-07T19:10:00.000+08:00

Wow! It has been a long time since my last post and visit to my blog, amost a year! I even thought it was already deleted. Good thing it is still here and I am back.

Well, I am married now and expecting a baby soon. I am currently 15 weeks and enjoying every bit of my pregnancy. I am blessed to not have experienced nausea and actual vomitting, except for fatigue and minimal spotting during my first trimester. I think I haven't gained too much weight either since I can still fit into some of my pants and people still tell me I am not yet showing. I am, really if they just look closer and touch my tummy. Hehe.

For those who would like to find out what happended during my offline and silent months last year. Here are some highlights:

Wedding Preparations

Yup, actually since February 2006, I was busy with the preparations, shopping around for good suppliers within our budget. Well, we got all the crucial suppliers we wanted without going overboard. In the end, we were able to achieve the simple, elegant, practical yet meaningful wedding we wanted.

Wedding Day

Dom and I got married at 10 am last Decmeber 9, 2006 at the Nuestra Senora de Gracia Parish. Reception was held at the Mandarin Oriental Manila.

Honeymoon in Singapore

We spent our first days as husband and wife in the Lion City. We toured around, shopped and met up with some friends.

I think it's true that couples who go to Singapore for their honeymoon get pregnant early on. I can attest to that.

Last Hurrah or shall I say 2nd honeymoon in CDO

Elisa and I joined Dom on his a business trip to Cagayan de Oro from December 28 to 31, my last trip for 2006.

It was a blessing, that Elisa, my doctor friend could take a leave and was eager to go to CDO after watching an adventure of Dyan Castillejo in Sports Unlimited some years back.

While Dom was working, Elisa and I were busy planning for our adventure trips. We decided to book all our adventures for one day, December 30. In the morning we went to Claveria, Misamis Oriental for our Canopy Walk. After an hour of hiking, we rapelled 30 feet horizontally to the first platform. Each platform was built around trees 100 to 120 feet tall. To get the next platform up to the fourth, we needed to cross hanging bridges made out of steel cables and two-inch stepping bars. We were double harnessed but it was still terrifying. The bridge shifted with our every movement. If it weren't for my confidence with the Detour tour guides and the breathtaking view all around me I might not have survived it at all. We were also proud to know that Dyan was only able to cross 1 bridge while we crossed all 4 twice!

After lunch we headed to Cagayan River for our Pinoy Rafting, the rafts were made of 7 inner tubes securely strapped together. I was quite familiar with rafting as this was my 2nd time but it had an additional activity waiting for us: the the optional enrollment jump as they call it, off a 25-foot high Carlos Fortich Bridge, and the rock jump (graduation jump), off a cliff and into the river with currents. Yup, of course I did all 2 but oh boy, it took some time for me to actually jump. It felt great to be able conquer my fears.

OMG

2006-05-17T13:51:00.000+08:00

Oh my God this is the last day of my 30th year! Hello 31! I would like to say briefly that everything is OK in my life right now. I don't feel any panic like last year. I feel more relaxed... So what if I haven't fulfilled all my dreams and pending stuff. I feel blessed to have a chance to experience another birthday, another new start.

Just a quick update... I failed to write about this but we recently had a Company-wide Town Hall (more like a General Assembly). Each group had to do a 1-minute cheer. And, I was one of the dancers... grabe! What can I do I was volunteered by our group head. But my officemates were saying that I dance well. Huh? I can just hear Rico laugh now. Anyway, we won 2nd place. Mitzi and I were so happy since we did this for the first time and we won!

Ink blot...

"The Good Life"

2006-05-08T08:30:00.000+08:00

Yikes, I can't believe that my last entry was January. I thought one was for February. Anyway, I created time today to write about my first beach trip this year. Can you believe that? A beach bum just let two long weekends pass without any plans. Well, if I can just tell you everything here... for one, financial constraints and time allotment for another endeavor. Oh well, I am not regreting anything.

Last weekend, an opportunity came and I gave in. I went along with my officemate's barkada to White Beach in Puerto Galera last. I know I have been there several times but each time was a new experience for me.

We were a party of 12. To maximize the overnight trip from May 6 to 7, we agreed to leave Manila by 3 am to go to Batangas Pier. We wanted to be at the shore by 8 am. We arrived at the Pier by 6 am. Good thing, we did not believe the guard at the entrance when he said there were no more parking left. We were escorted to another private parking space but we decided to take a detour to another entrance. Inside we found ample shaded parking spaces, charging 10 per hour. By the time we got off the van, an agent informed us that there were still seats for the 6:30 boat ride. Yipee, by a little past 8 am, we were in White Beach searching for our room.

We just got 1 room for all 12 of us, with just 1 bathroom (!) but we survived it. I hugged myself with the pleasure of just being at the beach, sunbathing, sleeping while enjoying the hot windy summer day, "my good life". I even burned my back from slepping while laying on my stomach.

White Beach was crowded and disorderly. It had a curious mixture of people. To achieve quiet time and privacy, we rented a boat to transfer us to Bikini Beach. There, I slept again and missed some of the picture taking. Darn!By sun down, Mare and I got our massage by the beach. But, I did not enjoy it that much with my sunburned back.

We spent the night taking turns in the bathroom and having a late dinner at the Italian Corner. Food was so so. I liked the pasta better than the pizza. There was also a Sun Cellular event with bands performing. We just took out a pitcher of the famous Mindoro Sling from the bar where I first tasted it and just stayed in a quieter side of the beach in Coco Aroma. We drank, played cards while listening to the band playing reggae songs.

We drew lots for our turn in the bathroom the next day. I was number 10. The sun was too hot that it hurt my sunburn. Mare and I just ate a quick brunch, did a little shopping and went straight back to our room. The heat was unbearable at 11:30 am.

All in all, I had fun even though we had to wait for 1 hour on an ultra hot day for our boat to arrive and had to endure a seat on the boat without a backrest. It was uncomfortable but at least gained new friends in the process.

I am Soul Number 7

2006-01-18T21:35:00.000+08:00

Horoscopes, zodiac sign meanings, fortune tellers and the like have long been part of my interests in my hope to find bits and pieces about myself. I came across Numerology,an ancient science that offers insight into the personality in astrology.com.

My soul write-up is worth sharing and my close friends should be able to tell how close it is to my true self.

Your Soul Number is SEVEN.

Deep, serious, introspective, and analytical, you accept nothing at face value, and you are always probing into the hidden side or deeper meaning of situations and people. You are fascinated by the mysterious and unknown. You enjoy periods of solitude in peaceful surroundings, and need time to study, reflect, or meditate. You may be given to much daydreaming and flights of the imagination as well. The ocean has a powerful attraction for you. The study of philosophy, psychology, scientific research, metaphysics, or religion appeals to you. You are scientific in your approach to Truth.

Private, reserved, and rather secretive, there are probably very few who truly know and understand your inner thoughts, feelings, hopes, and aspirations. Unless you learn to share your deeper self more freely, and to be less of an idealistic perfectionist, you may be rather lonely.

Happy New Year!!!

2006-01-02T08:32:00.000+08:00

Well, it's a new year once again and oh what a way to start the year. My current horoscope says it all:

Dear kristine,
Here is your horoscope
for Monday, January 2:

Try communication. It's the key to unlocking so much that's going on between you and someone very important in your life. It's important to set ground rules first before you start getting into it, though.

I used to believe that whatever you do or happens to you on the first day of the year,will dictate the rest of your year. But that's passe. It is all about mindset. I would like to think that this year will be action-packed for me, a year when I can apply what I have learned and discovered during my transition years.

There are still more goals to achieve but I am just happy that I have achieved some and still eager to fulfill the rest. Happy New Year and cheers to a chance to make life better...

Babble

2005-10-27T00:20:00.000+08:00

Grrr! I hate not being able to surf the net at home. Our internet or modem, I don't know is busted. Can you believe having no entries for a month? Well, I have pending blogs in my documents in the computer at home unpublished since I do not have internet.

It's only now that I got the chance to surf the net in the office. Can you believe that? Yup I was super mega busy at work and to top that I had a fiasco last week. Oh God! I wanted to hide under my table and disappear. I tried everything to calm my nerves, tea, yoga, etc but to no avail. I wanted to take refuge in a far away beach resort but I cannot. My schedule does not permit. Talk about frustration.

Anyway, I am still here, alive and kicking, trying to absorb the shock and aftershocks. As my boss puts it "it's the cost of doing business... have to learn from it ... mistakes make you tough." Well something like that. You should have seen him when he found out. Anyway... enough of that.

I think I better put a tagboard or is that what you call it so I can communicate with my friends more often. I can commit to open my blog but to put entries everyday no. My work load here is different. Gosh, I miss my friends.

Love is in the Air

2005-08-01T03:39:00.000+08:00

Saturday, July 30

I was in Divisoria again with Baet, Adrian, Shiena, her mom and her other friends to fit and hopefully get our gowns for Shiena’s upcoming wedding. Unfortunately, my gown needed some alteration from waist below. It was loose and there was something wrong with the way the bodice and the skirt were sewn together.

After the fittings, we decided to have our lunch at 168 Mall since Baet and I would like to search for the 12-bulb flashlight like Kimchi’s to give to our significant others. Lunch was long since Reyes Barbeque where Jan, Baet and I ordered had a long queue. Everyone was eager to go home but we all wanted to go home together. So they agreed to give us 30 minutes to locate and buy the flashlight and White Rabbit candy. I also wanted to buy ponytails without metal and hair clips. After an hour or so, we completed our mission. However, we weren’t able get the flashlights cheap like we expected.

We all decided to take the MRT 2 home then switch trains to MRT 1 since most of us will be trying it for the first time. Like what others said MRT 2 was truly nice. It reminded me of the Hongkong stations and the train is spacious. I am glad I was able to experience it while it’s still looked new and clean.

I can’t help not talking about the kind of Love I witnessed last Saturday. Being the observant that I am, of course I saw it. Yes, who else but Shiena’s and Adrian’s. Small gestures mean a lot like Adrian asking Shiena to transfer beside him inside the train, even if we were near our stop. I also can tell that they can’t stand being apart that when we went separate directions (since Shiena and her Mom were going north while Adrian and I were going South) and met across the platforms both started waiving, whispering “I Love yous” and blowing kisses at each other. It made me understand what Maya’s mom said that their relationship is different from ours, more ready to be married.

I am so happy for Shiena and Adrian and I so look forward to witness their union on September 3. Believe me I have learned a lot from their relationship more than they know.

Sunday, July 31

My dream was interrupted by a call in my mobile that when I answered I was quite spaced out. It was Rhea calling to deliver apparently some important news. It was her birthday and so I blurted out my second greeting since I was on the phone with her 12AM earlier. She made me guess the urgency of her call and I was correct in saying that Jon made her ride the hot air balloon, her dream for quite some time. Then she goes, ‘hindi lang yon, bakit pa kaya…’ and then I froze and spoke the first thing that came to mind, ‘he proposed… oh my God’. It turned out she just didn’t get the surprise of her life but her dream wedding proposal, after a ride on a hot air balloon. Oh my, I was in tears. I had mixed emotions, surprise, happiness, sadness, envy… She was getting married.

After the phone call, I can no longer bring myself to sleep. I felt uneasy and my feelings of longing and anticipation ruled again. No matter how I try to console myself I cannot hide it. I didn’t know if Dom noticed that I was not in the mood when he picked me up for Rhea’s Birthday dinner that night.

Don’t get me wrong I am truly happy for my best cousin. Super! She deserves it.

I was excited to see the ring. The ring is as expected nice, white gold and the stone was just right, fits my cousin well. I tried it on but it won’t fit me. After dinner I decided to take a rain check for dessert since Dom and I were planning to have a massage. I was kind of hoping to calm my emotions but to no avail.

Love is truly in the air. I am so happy for Rhea and Shiena for being in that relationship stage. I know some day I will too.

My Blog Anniversary

2005-07-14T00:08:00.000+08:00

Wow, I am glad I checked my friends' blogs today. I miss them so much and hungry to find out about their lives. I came across entries on blog anniversaries and decided to check mine too. My blog will be turning 1 this coming July 19. Time flies so fast. I am glad I still find the time to write with my busy schedule. As I said in "My First Entry", writing is one of my secret passions.

Here's to more blogging years to come!

The majesty of God's creation!

2005-07-05T09:18:00.000+08:00

I got this email from my boss and thought it would be nice to put it in my blog. All I can say is WOW!

This photograph was taken by the crew on board the Columbia during its last mission. This photograph was taken via satellite, on a cloudless day.The picture is of Europe and Africa when the sun is setting. Half of the picture is in night.

The bright dots you see are the cities lights. The top part of Africa is the Sahara Desert. Note that the lights are already on in Holland,Paris, and Barcelona, and that's it's still daylight in London, Lisbon,and Madrid.

The sun is still shining on the Straight of Gibraltar. The Mediterranean Sea is already in darkness. In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean you can see the Azores Islands; below them to the right are the Madeira Islands; a bit below are the Canary Islands; and further south, close to the farthest western point of Africa, are the Cape Verde Islands.

Note that the Sahara is huge and can be seen clearly both during daytime and nighttime. To the left, on top, is Greenland, totally frozen.

Fantastic photograph!

Shopping Spree and gimmick with my new officemates

2005-06-26T08:48:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday I learned that Mango's on Sale, the much awaited sale event for me. I immediately texted my Shopaholic officemate, Mare who is in Makati and told her to buy for me a brown shirt. But it turned out to be a wrong information. The sale would be starting on Friday, June 24.

The girls from my group were set on drinking that night, after Mare's business meeting. Seeing an opportunity, I asked Mi Ann to accompany me to Mango in Shangri-la for the sale while waiting for Mare. She was hesitant at first after splurging in the Puma Exclusive Sale last Monday. I told her she can just window shop with me but I was really dead set on buying something. Everything fell into place. It rained hard and so Mare was forced to hold her meeting in Figaro (right outside Mango) in Shangri-la Mall instead of Metrowalk.

As soon as we stepped in, we saw several people inside, some were ransacking the racks while their male companions were sitting/waiting on the sidelines of the store. There was a long queue to the cashier. We wasted no time in looking for clothes to buy since we already reached the store by 8PM due to heavy traffic.

By the time I was going to fit all the clothes in my arms, the shop was closed and the attendants were all saying that they would just honor reservations since the queue was still long. Mare and her sister were finally inside, trying on some stuff too. Being stubborn as I am, I still waited in line. There was no one to stop the line anyway and I had to buy these before I or Dom can stop me. I had to give up one blouse to lower my total bill. In the end, I was the winner with 6 items(1 pair of pants and 5 tops) for P3,700.Hehe. I never splurged like this in the Philippines but it felt great!

Would you believe we left Mango at 10:30 PM and we were all really starving. We decided to have our dinner and drinks at Capisce in Metro Walk. There, we met Mare's friends, a Filipino that looks like an American, a previous officemate who now works in the IT Department of the US Embassy, a former friend who married a French guy, and the French husband who is building a nuclear submarine. It was fun to be with very diverse people. I learned that Paris is nice but is very expensive to live in. Yikes, do you know what that means? I need to really save up for a week stay. Gosh. Positive thinking!

I had a grand time but felt it was too short. I just had a beer and a half before it was time to go. I bade goodbye to my new found friends at 1:30 AM after 30 minutes of trying to wake Dom up.

Weekend Getaway!

2005-06-07T13:17:00.000+08:00

I thought I would not be able to travel or ride a plane for the next 6 months at least.I am just a month old in my current company and not yet entitled to leaves. But no! I was able to transcend that.

Included in his list of 30 gifts is an overnight stay in the most beautiful resort in Mactan, Shangri-La's Mactan Island Resort in Cebu. That was my weekend getaway last June 4 to 5. We celebrated my birthday and our 4th year anniversary.

I took the earliest flight out of Manila at 5AM via Philippine Airlines alone since Dom was already there since Wednesday for a business trip. I was lucky to have gotten a discounted fare of P4,700+. I arrived Mactan International Airport at 6:30AM filled with excitement and a big smile on my face. I was exploring the resort and hotel by 7AM. Of course, I stayed by the beach and even dozed off in one of the beach benches. It was such a relaxing experience.

Enjoying the early morning beach.

I freshened up in one of the posh restrooms in time for the first schedule of the shuttle to Cebu City. I went down SM and took a cab to Magellan's Cross. My visit to Cebu wouldn't be complete without buying shell/capiz accessories from the vendors there.

I was frustrated at first, not finding anything that catched my fancy. I wanted to buy from every vendor, like last year and I stayed there for 2 hours, bearing the heat. In the end I was able to buy a hand full for a cost of one necklace in Manila. I even talked to one of the vendors to make her a possible supplier should I push through in making this a business.

As agreed, I was back in SM by 12 noon to meet with Dom and Kristine, his FA in Cebu. We ate at Sunburst for I wanted a place native to Cebu alone. Sunburst is Cebu's Jollibee and is well known for the fried chicken. Yummy! We went straight to Mariot for Dom to pack his things and then travelled to Shangri-La. We were welcomed by Dom's friend, Mike (the Resort's Sales Director), treated us watermelon shakes and even escorted us to our room. The room had a beach motif with starfish carvings and cabinet handles. Well, come to think of it so was the whole resort. Our room had a veranda with a view too.

We spent the rest of the day in the beach until it got dark. Too bad the sun did not set on that part of the island or did I just miss it? We enjoyed the pool until we our hands felt like prunes.

As recommended by Melon, my friend who always stays in Shangri-La everytime she is in Cebu, we had dinner in Cowrie Cove, a restaurant and bar situated by the beach. It was a romantic, candlelit place ideal for dates. We tried the Shrimp Sinigang and the Vietnamese vegatable soup. It was extraordinarily delicious. We ended our dinner with the bestseller dessert, Cowrie Sago (could not remember the exact name). Honestly, I wondered why. It was not that great at all. It just tasted like chocolate shake with sago. (I probably expected more.) We decided to call it a night by 11. I was really finding it hard to stop my yawns, having barely slept last Friday.

We were up by 8AM and got ready for the day ahead. I wanted to sunbathe for an hour while Dom wanted to workout in the gym. I experienced the good life again, sleeping by the beach under the heat of the sun before swimming. The weather was fine that day, sunny yet windy. I needed to have a tan before summer was finally over. At least in Visayas, it was still summer. I hit the outdoor shower to rinse the salt by 9:50 AM. Dom and I agreed to meet at Tides for the buffet breakfast by 10AM. Since the buffet was only up to 10:30, we wasted no time in eating and gathering all the yummy food being served. By 11, I had a bulging tummy and hoped that the peppermint tea would flatten it a bit. Thinking that our late checkout time was 1PM, we headed straight to the infinity pool and a quick dip and picture taking in the beach. We were almost ready to leave when Dom received a call from Mike that he moved our checkout time to 4PM. Why didn't he tell us earlier? We just decided to rest and regain our needed rest since it rained anyway.

Before our checkout, Dom wearing his new shorts from Novecento (my surprise gift for him)

Upon checkout, Dom had a short meeting with his officemate in the lobby then we hopped in the shuttle for a quick shopping in SM. For our dinner, we tried the famous CNT Lechon in Cebu. I enjoyed every bit of it even though we just ate in a takeout counter by the supermarket. Our stay in SM was a breeze because we needed to ride the last shuttle back to the resort and be in the airport by 7:45. We ssaid goodbye to our memories in Cebu at 8:40 and PAL was unbelievably on time.

Well, that was it, my memorable, money's worth weekend getaway courtesy of my honey.

Search is over!

2005-06-03T13:41:00.000+08:00

After almost 5 years of waiting, reserving and searching for the 3rd Book of Andrew Matthews to complete my collection, "Follow You Heart" is now in my possession. I was elated, overjoyed and almost in the brink of tears. It was Gary's (former officemate in my first job) Birthday gift and pasalubong from his Singapore trip last weekend. What's more, the illustrations are colored, a new version maybe. I can't wait to read it.

Gary and I were searching for this book for the longest time. I first introduced Andrew Matthews's Being Happy to him way back in 1998 and he got hooked. I lent him my copy and soon after reading it, he got his own copy too. I wanted to share how this book changed my life and it still continous to guide me up to now. I recommend it to everybody who wants to be 'HAPPY'. I assure you, your outlook will change after reading the book.

Andrew Matthews is an author, cartoonist and speaker. His books, "Being Happy!", "Making Friends", "Get Faxed!" and "Follow Your Heart" have been translated into 20 languages. A popular motivational speaker, he regularly speaks to conferences and conventions around the world.

My 30th Birthday!

2005-05-20T12:55:00.000+08:00

No matter how I wanted to freeze time, I just couldn't. Before I can even stop it, I turned 1 year old again yesterday, May 18.

The week before my birthday, I was in panic. I was trying to remember the article I read years ago on 'things you must do before you turn 30'. I tried searching for it in Google and find out how I fared. But i couldn't seem to find it. The only thing I could remember was to live alone, which I haven't done yet. Gosh, I felt I haven't achieved anything yet. I was in crisis and was even irascible at times that lead to some squabbles with Dom. Shocks, I did not want to age and with nothing. I don't know how to drive yet, haven't earned my first million and am not even married when I told myself that I would be married by 27/28ish. Oh no!

Then, Dom tried to talk some sense in to me. He told me that one achievement I can consider is being an officer in a good multinational company. That was when I realized that I had an achievement after all and then I counted my abundant blessings. Life must go on and there are still so many things to accomplish. It was time to re-think my life and put it in a different perspective. That is what I really like about my honey; he knows how to make me sane.

Eve of my birthday

It was just a regular work day for me. I even went to the gym for my last workout as a 29-year old. I felt that can help me feel better. I went home and spent my night on the phone with Rhea (my cousin) breathing all my worries and troubles away. As midnight was approaching, I got a call from Dom on my mobile. He was outside and wanted to wait for my birthday with me. He sang me a birthday song and made me blow my first candle. He gave me several gifts; a stretching Yoga set, badminton racket
and a tulip.(He said there were more to come, 30 things) Gosh, he forgot that I loved carnations but anyway I also like tulips.

The day

As usual, I came early for work dressed with my new white blouse and sandals from my mom. I was surprised to see my decorated workstation, a 'Happy Birthday' banner with white and violet flower-shaped balloons hanging from the ceiling, a big fuchsia ribbon made of unrolled paper twine, draped on my cubicle and scattered happy birthday plastics on my desk. It was super nice and I hated myself to have not captured it in my Sony Digicam. Grrr!

As their gift, my officemates treated me for lunch to a restaurant of my choice. Guess what! I chose Italiannis for the yummy stuffed mushrooms. I received a birthday song from the waiters, ice cream with a candle and dance from Vin to the tune of 'Di ako bakla'. It was a fun lunch.

I would have been happy and contented with those surprises. But that was not all, they even ordered in a cake from Gateau 'd Manila and palabok from Red Ribbon and sang for me. To top it all, they gave me a little Mango lavender bag. It was so cute but that means I have to buy either a lavender top or pants. Oh well.

Given it was just middle of the week, I worked up to almost 7PM, finishing some urgent MOAs. Then I went straight to Megamall to meet up with Dom. He got tied with work so I just roamed around the shops until my feet were killing me. I felt a little bad for waiting up on him and not have had our dinner, that I did not want to talk to him when he arrived in time for the premier of Star Wars at 10PM.

Good thing Star Wars, Revenge of the Sith was superb and it drowned my bad mood. We were in speaking terms before the movie ended. Yoda was so cute and I have always loved him. I told Dom that I wanted a Yoda toy and when we went to Jollibee for our midnight dinner, they were offering Star Wars' toys in their meals. Yuppie! I got a Yoda and Darth Vader.

Talk about 24 hours full of surprises.

Busy Saturday

2005-05-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

I love the feeling of being able to do several things in one day. Well, my Saturday was filled with experiences worth sharing:

Divi in the morning

I was up and about by 6:20 AM to get ready to meet with Shiena in McDonald's Q. Ave MRT Station. I am so not used to waking up early on Saturdays but I had to since we were be going to Divisoria to get measured for our gowns for Shiena's Wedding on September. I was so excited to see the Shopaholics again and update each other on our lives.

Shiena and I were literally talking non-stop during our breakfast in McDo that we delayed the schedule a bit. Well, we were both late to begin with. After breakfast we met up with Maya and Nancy (Sheina's bestfriend) at the Ayala Station then took the bus straight to Adrian's pad. All 7 of us tried to fit ourselves in Varian's car: 2 boys in front and 5 sexy girls at the back (hehe). We reached the bustling streets of Divisoria a little after 9AM. The girls went straight to Pasilyo R while the boys were to meet with the others including Baet in 168 Mall.

After having our mesurements taken, we roamed around the area to look for cloth and then took a pit stop in Jollibee for some quick refreshments. While Jan and Varian had to leave, the rest of us decided to check out the stuff in 168 Mall. After approximately 2 hours inside, I was able to buy 1 bottle of salt with milk scrub(recommended by Baet), a pink dog tag for my new ID, 2 plastic soap dishes with shells and starfish for my bathroom and powder room, a fan for summer and a half eternity silver ring. Haay! I wanted to buy more but my wallet would not permit anymore.

Pizza and pasta for late lunch

We reached Evangelista St. by past 2 and had our late lunch at Pizza Hut. We loaded ourselves with carbo: Spaghetti with meatballs, Carbonara and New York Pizza. I was stuffed to the brim, same feeling I had yesterday when my officemates and I had lunch at Yellow Cab. It was just so delicious, nevertheless. After, we went straight to Adrian's pad to get quick baths to temporarily cool us from the summer heat.

My free haircut at Propaganda

I went straight to Propaganda in Greenbelt 1 to claim my free haircut ahead of my birthday on May 18. I was so glad to have the chance finally to claim this. I kept on forgeting for the past 2 years, only to realize it after the big day. However, I decided to try their hot oil treatment and ended up paying P1,850 for a dry hair treatment. Oh what the heck! It was so relaxing anyway. I just hope it gave my hair the repair and moisture it needed.

Memories of Love Concert as my second advance birthday gift

I met up with Dom as soon as I was done in the parlor. We hurriedly headed back to his flat to dress up for the "Memories of Love" Concert in Araneta Coliseum at 8 PM, featuring Kevyn Lettau, Lou Pardini and Joe Pizzulo. It was his first gift for me on my bithday.(I wonder what are the others.)

I really wanted to watch this concert so much that I wouldn't mind staying in the cheapest section. Good thing Dom remembered and heeded my call. He got the lower box B tickets and realizing that the sections were not fully occupied, I tried my luck by texting my friend, Vic who works for Araneta to upgrage us to a better seat. He was kind enough to put us in the far back of the Orchestra section. It was perfect! We had a good view of the performers and the seat was comfortable too.

The concert was superb, with a total of 20+ songs all in all.Lou Pardini sang my fave song, "What might have been" and his other beautiful songs, Kevyn sang "Faraway" and Joe sang Sergio Mendez songs. It brought me back memory lane since most of the songs were classics.

We ended our night with a quick drink with Vic, his wife and their friends at Oyter Boy. At least I also got the chance to spend time with him after like ages.

My Horoscope for Today!

2005-05-10T14:32:00.000+08:00

Oh gosh, look at my Horoscope for Today. It says exactly what's on my mind - shopping!!!

Dear Kristine,
Here is your horoscope
for Monday, May 9:

"The new person you've created needs some new clothes, and you're entirely ready to make that person happy. It's you, of course -- the new you -- and it's time to do some shopping."

*courtesy of www.astrology.com

My First Day

2005-05-04T14:25:00.000+08:00

Today was my first day in my new work. I arrived at 8:00 AM and went straight to HR to get the Company manual and others. I went straight to my floor after but to my surprise, my boss was not yet around so I had to wait in the lobby of our floor. Turns out he comes in at about 9AM everyday.

Below are some of my good news:

- I received a Welcome Lunch Treat from my boss. We ate at Super Bowl with my other officemates. I made him decide since I was still shy to exert what I wanted even up to ordering the food. He also insisted to pay for my coffee at Seattle’s Best after lunch.
- There are abundant tissue and soap in a well maintained CR in our floor plus a hand dryer too.
- My officemates seem to be good people although dominated by males, mostly married (too bad for my single girlfriends)

My day consisted mostly of reading the company manual, meeting with my immediate boss to brief me on some policies and backend reports and going around other floors to be introduced to some key people in support departments.I also had a meeting with the Unit head towards the end of the day about the overview of our Department, goals for the year and some of his general expectations.

I left the office with an unbearable headache, partly due to hunger and information overload.

Do I like the work? Well, I feel overwhelmed but as I said to our Unit Head, 'I feel challenged'.