my mad mad life! :)

Traffic Musings

2011-05-19T20:12:00.000+05:30

There's nothing like driving through the crowded and congested roads of Delhi to rediscover yourself. You'll watch in shock as a brand new personality "overtakes" your old self. I remember the times when I used to give my dad those supercilious glances as he would foam at the mouth while driving. Now it's his turn to gape at me in stunned disbelief and shock as I hurl the choicest swear words at the nincompoops skidding their way through the roads.
Even Agatha Christie would have scratched her head while trying to fathom the cause of traffic jams in Delhi. You would be crawling along for 40 minutes on a kilometre long road only to find out all this happened because some Alec Smart decide to zoom and cut across lanes to save 2 minutes of his precious time!
India is being enveloped by a wave of change. Mamta "Didi" Banerjee has managed to end the mighty Left's thirty year rule over West Bengal and Amma is now sitting comfortably after pushing Karunanidhi out of the picture. But those who like constancy will always be comforted by the presence of the omnipresent cows which amble across the roads without a care in the world. And if you dare honk incessantly, they'll fix you with a baleful eye and saunter leisurely.
But now I have mellowed down. So now i don't gnash my teeth when an aunty "bumps" gently into my car or the uncle who's talking on the phone stops in the middle of the road to light his cigarette. I sigh, take a deep breath and accept the inevitable. I have rediscovered myself! And how! :|

Facebook Mania

2011-03-26T22:57:00.001+05:30

Move over swine flu and other diseases. The latest bug to hit people is OFD . Wondering what that is? Well, it stands for Obsessive Facebook Disorder. And think twice before you plaster your face with a condescending smirk, for all you know, you might just be one of the victims!
The sufferers are known to experience palpitations when they see that red notification sign at the left most corner of the screen. They confess that their poor heart races at a marathon pace when they scramble to check it with trembling hands.
They are also prone to bouts of depression or fits of moodiness when they realise that their super cool status or photos did not get adequate number of 'likes'.
They can be found obsessively refreshing their fb page in order to catch any new 'updates'.
They might also have a propensity to document every SINGLE second of their life on facebook. So, if you see updates like "drank all night" or "love you babbbyyy had a super awesome day with you" or even "finally cured of constipation, filled the pot with shit!!", DONOT bat an eyelid. It's not their fault, poor souls. Really.
I'm proud to say that I have successfully eluded this bug. And now please excuse me. I need to update my status. To let people know that I've added a new post. And while I'm at it might as well as change my music preferences. And the profile pic is seriously very old..
What? What did you say? That I have OFD? How dare you!

Desi English

2011-03-07T19:59:00.000+05:30

The Indian English is truly fascinating. It's evolved into such a compelling force that many of the words of "Indian Origin" have been included in the Oxford dictionary. Well, more power to us!

But some of the desi English has frankly left me stumped. The one that tops the list is the addition of 's' after most of the words. So an affirmative or denial is expressed as Oks or Nopes and how are you has quite inexplicably become how's you! LOL was always a rage but nowadays lolzzzz is in. I mean, seriously, loads of laughterssss?? And then you have all the dudes who can barely string two words together but that really doesn't deter them from saying things like Wassup!! Chill man Chill!!

But after sometime you end up saying all these things too. Because trying to correct them is like fighting a losing battle. The other day I went to a shop and asked for a pears soap. "Heinji??", asked the confused shopkeeper. "Pears bhaiyya Pears Soap". Sorry no soap called "Pears". Then an obliging chap corrected me."She's asking for PEERS soap." "Ohhh..To aise bolna tha na madamji!! Alright sir, whatever you say! Peers it is.

"Aaj tumhara Happy Birthday he" and "What's your good name" are passe. Sporting a fake accent is in nowadays it seems. Madhuri Dixit's newly acquired Yankee accent is quite the topic of discussion, but I'm unfazed. For soon I bet there will be people who go to the international airport and come back with an accent!! :P

But good,bad or funny, there's no denying the fact that desi english has it's own flavour that somehow makes it stand out. And well, as long as it works for us, I'm 'Okays' with it. You agree with me, no? :)

An Open Letter

2010-12-05T18:48:00.001+05:30

Dear Whiner,
You poured your heart out to me and told me about all the worries and troubles plaguing you. I heard it all. You know, about the nasty boss, shitty office, horrible place, the puke-worthy food, the mean friends, friends who won't ask for your opinion, friends who always ask for your opinion, people pretending to be your friends when their real intention is to kill you and sell your organs.(ok, i might have made this one up!)
I sympathized with you, made soothing noises and tried to cheer you up. But you didn't cheer up. Your problem became my problem and I played the perfect Agony Aunt and gave you the best advice I could. But you still weren't happy. I told you things couldn't get worse so they'll surely get better. But you insisted that the worst was yet to come and this was just the tip of the iceberg.(bigger than the one which caused Titanic to sink)
And now Dear Whiner, when i look at my graying hair and creased forehead, I feel like saying only one thing.
You..Off my Planet!!

Thank You
Yours Sincerly
Had Enough Of Your Complaints

"HAPPY" Childrens' Day!!

2010-11-26T23:35:00.001+05:30

All this talk about celebrating Childrens' Day has made me quite nostalgic. It's brought back a deluge of memories. Grandpa's constant pampering. Scooter rides with Dad. Playing all sorts of games with friends. Comics and books. Cartoons. An uncomplicated life, in short.

I really can't say the same for the kids today!!
- An 8 yr old comes to me the other day and says "add me as a neighbour in Farmville"!!
Me: Do your parents know that you have a facebook account??
Him: Sure, they are the one's who created my profile. Infact, my mum, dad and aunt are all my neighbours. Oh, and do remember to gift me a cherry tree daily. I need more of them.
(Ah well, atleast they are talking the "Go Green" message seriously, even if it's only in the virtual world!!)
Me: What outdoor games do you play?
Him: Well I race to my house daily from school, does that count??
Me: It sure does!! Why do you do that though? Coz you get very hungry by then?
Him: Na..need to get back in time to harvest my crops else they'll wither!!
Ummm..ok!!

I am stumped and frankly appalled! What happened to hide and seek, stapoo, carroms and skipping? Why have reality shows demanding kids to dance and sing and crack adult jokes replaced Ducktales and Tom and Jerry?? And why would kids rather listen to their ipods than read Tintin and Famous Five!!

And parents are no less. After all it's their responsibility to ensure that their kids don't have their noses glued to the TV or laptop. And to top it all, they expect their kids to do everything. Clear IIT entrances and also be a swimming champ. Win the reality show while getting an A grade in school.

Life is not a race. Some effortlessly achieve their goals while others stumble around and discover their true calling. No need to take Mr Darwin seriously people, coz in the end everybody survives. Really. :)

rangoli

2010-11-16T17:06:00.000+05:30

That Sinking Feeling

2010-09-14T19:52:00.000+05:30

Yes, that's right. This is the feeling which the sight of water inspired in me earlier. And I thought what better way to conquer this fear than by learning swimming? And so the adventure began..:)

I was apprehensive, to say the least, on my first day of the lessons. At the sight of water, a panic attack set in but was quickly quelled when I caught some 3 and 5 year olds LAUGHING at me. huh!! With false bravado I stepped into the pool. The coach asked me to try floating. 5 seconds inside water and I was dying to get out. Which I couldn't. Instead I thrashed around wildly till the coach steadied me. (To my credit, the coach conceded he had never seen anybody do such astonishing somersaults before!! :))

One day the coach wanted me to jump inside the pool, that too from the deep end. Of course I said no. And of course my opinions are valued a lot.
"Just jump and push yourself off the floor of the pool and start swimming".
Sure. Do you want me to do a couple of pirouettes too?? And as I stood preparing to jump, a couple of bees decided it was an ideal time to come out and encourage me. "Jump in if you want to escape the bees" Thank You, Sir. Suddenly the proverb "between the devil and the deep sea" took on a whole new meaning.

Then came the diving lessons. "First the hands enter the water, then your face and then the rest of the body". And of course I followed the instructions to boot. By landing hard on my stomach.

Well eventually I did learn swimming properly. That occasion was marked by me getting a standing ovation from everybody. Just kidding. Or maybe not.

But overall it was an amazing experience. And even though I might not be an ace swimmer, I can atleast save myself from drowning. Bring on the pool parties people!! :)

Women are thinkers!!

2010-09-12T23:02:00.000+05:30

I came across this hilarious video of Russell Peters and I just couldn't stop laughing. He insists that women think all the time while guys can spend ages thinking NOTHING.
But really how is that possible??? Guys, just HOW can you not think of anything?? Is your brain like a blank screen or something?? Does it sink into a stupor??
I could multitask my thinking process. It's like my brain is divided into sections and each is running it's own line of thought. I could write an exam while thinking simultaneously of some TV show I saw or replay a conversation I had. It's almost like my brain cells would rust or just ooze out if I stop thinking. But you know what?? I love it. This activity is liberating(Oh shut up, IT IS,at least for me!). It's fun and relaxing. A stress buster. It is. ( Do shut up, coz I might just end up punching you if you don't. huh!)
Anyways thinking about thinking was so fascinating that it lead me to this article.
In case you haven't seen the video I mentioned, here it is. Enjoy.

P.S. I admit, there are times(very rare, mind you) when I wish I could shut off my brains for a bit and enjoy the moment and not really analyze the situation. I mean I can always do the analyzing part later right?? :)

Light

2010-09-07T01:23:00.000+05:30

                     The stormy night will pave the way
                      to a bright & halcyon day

   The endless tears will soon dry away
                     & you'll emerge strong and brave

                     The nightmares will morph into beautiful dreams
   and with happiness will your world teem

                     The future is awaiting with new challenges for you
                     and so it's time to do away with your blues

For at the end of the tunnel there'll always be light
                      beckoning you to rise to new heights

TV and ME

2010-09-03T21:10:00.001+05:30

My fingers are aching from flipping through the channels at top speed and the remote, poor thing, has suffered many injuries from being thrown ruthlessly at all corners of the room. Why?? you may ask. (or not for that matter, but I'd like to believe otherwise! :)). Well, it's coz of the unbelievable nonsense that the television seems to be sprouting nowadays. Really do all these things happen in real life??

1. Do parents dream ONLY about getting their girls married off? Mine must be very weird then, coz they made me finish school and college and now, horror of horrors, want ME to go out and work! (Gasp!!)

2. Do people really marry twice or thrice?? And eventually go back to the first guy/girl?? (Wow, talk about learning from trial and error!!)

3. Do women really scheme so much?? (At do they foam at the mouth when their plan fails??)

4. If some wannabe decides to get married on television, is it really breaking news??

5. Does plastic surgery change one's bone structure too? And ya does it suck fat off the body too?? (If yes, I would like the doctor's number pls!!)

If the answer to any of the above questions is yes, then somebody please remove the brand new 32" lcd tv from in front of me. My parents won't take it too kindly if it's found broken into pieces.
And then They may start dreaming about getting ~~rid off me~~ me married. (Faints)

Driving Away To Glory

2010-09-01T19:24:00.001+05:30

Driving lessons with dad:

Day 1: So this is the clutch and that the accelerator and..
Day 2: Let's revise; now this is the clutch and that is the...
Day 3: Are you sure you remember what we did yesterday??
Day 4: Ok now slowly release the clutch and gently step on the accelerator. Car gallops ahead and comes to a standstill
Dad(after much eye rolling): Let's try it again..
Day 5: No, you can't drive in 3rd gear, first learn the technique properly and keep the speed under 25.. A guy riding a cycle speeds past the car
Day 6: Stop..Go go, stop, break, GO!! What are you waiting for??
Day 7:lots of door slamming and shouting and a trip to the doctor to soothe frayed nerves
End of driving lessons with dad.

Meet the Teacher

2010-08-31T18:54:00.000+05:30

As a kid I used to love to play "teacher-teacher". It was great fun pretending to be one; "checking" notebooks and writing on the blackboard with colored bits of chalk and bossing around my then sweet brother, who was too young to rebel (yes boys, it really was fun. Now stop rolling your eyes and snorting!! huh!)
And then I decided to put my "talent" to some good use and now it's a great source of pocket money for me. The other day I was thinking about how teaching has made me evolve as a person.

It's made me less impatient and more tolerant. And I've learnt that it takes all kinds of people to make up this world!! :) But really, it always keeps me on my toes, for I must always be ready to face a barrage of questions. And I feel positively giddy at the brilliance with which I sometimes field those questions!! (Modesty?? what is that??)

But it isn't all that easy. There are some frustrating moments when I feel like ~~strangling~~ ~~beating them black and blue~~ gently scolding them for shutting their brains off. But that really doesn't work. And so swallowing the anger and being patient is the only way out.
And I'm proud to say that after months of practice I no longer stare at them open mouthed in a " I don't believe you just that" way when they come up with something incredibly ~~stupid~~ unusual. I know, I know, it's turning into a "I love myself" post!! :)

But you know what? I love all this. All the shouting, laughter, brainstorming sessions, the excitement.I love it all. And ya, all those students who helped me become the person I'm today. Thank You.

P.S. : if any student of mine is reading this..sept 5th is teacher's day..and i like chocolates and books and titan watches.. I know..I'm very subtle.. :)

friends for life!

2010-08-30T17:40:00.000+05:30

i recently received a friend request in facebook from a very old friend of mine. It always feels good to know that your old classmates still remember you. And it also brings back the memories of those days and all the fun that we had back then. And so one day i was online in facebook when i received a message from that particular friend.

Him: Hi!! how are you!!
Me: hey!! m good..how are you doing??
Him: m fine..what's up with you??
Me: Nothing man, just the usual..
Him: hmm..by the way..WHO are you??

So as you can obviously see, our friendship is as strong as ever.

i'm NOT interested!!

2010-08-28T21:06:00.000+05:30

Clearly the Donot Disturb Registry isn't working.
I got a call from an unknown number and something told me that it would be one of those overzealous salesmen selling me some insurance/policy or something like that, which I most certainly don't want. So i didn't pick up my phone. I again got a call from the same number, and thinking it was something important i picked it up. And what do i hear??
"Hello mam this X calling from abc are you interested in..."
Me: NO, I'm not. Please dont call again.
And i end the call.
The guy calls AGAIN!!! This time:
"Sorry maam it seems there was some problem the call was disconnected!! As i was saying, are you interested in...!!"
Right..

Out of Service

2009-08-13T20:57:00.001+05:30

All the mobile service providers would shine brilliantly in the field of politics!!!
All those glorius promises of a superb network, excellent service are most definitely very shallow in nature.
I learnt it the hard way!!!
I had fallen prey to one of the “cheapest and most reliable” service providers.
Boy, it sure was cheap,after all couldn’t make a single phone call from my phone because of a “network problem”..so there was no question of any expenses..well, talk about a clever strategy..after all they lived up to atleast a part of their claim..
The other day my friend wanted to meet me very urgently and I was not at my place..so, she decided to call me on my mobile..first time she tried she heard a headmistressy voice telling her that my phone was out of coverage area( very acceptable I would say, after all I was shopping at connaught place, a very REMOTE & SECLUDED area, really!!)
nxt time my phone was apparently switched off!!!
So, totally exasperated she decided to send me an sms saying that she would come to pick me up at 7 pm in CP itself & was hoping against hope that it would be delivered to me..
And sure, it definitely was delivered, promptly at 7!
7 am…

Me, the Dancing Diva!!

2009-08-13T20:53:00.000+05:30

Well the much awaited holidays had finally arrived!!! I pledged to do something interesting. So having racked my brains like never before (phewwwww!!! it’s a rather tiring activity..) I had a brainwave. What about a dance class?? Tadaaaaaaa….Brilliant….Superb…Outstanding!!!

But a small hitch….ummm…never danced in my entire life…

Not in marriages,not in parties…Only watched aunties with ample proportions swaying to "kajrare", drunk uncles tottering to "everything’s gonna be golmaal",and stunning chicks totally lost in the latest numbers..

full of determination I walked into a dance studio to register myself AND nearly fainted..OMIGOSH!!! what was I doing here..the others were dancing like ultimate pros.

Just about to flee, I spotted the instructor. "Nothing to worry really!!", he said airily when I informed him that I had two left feet.

And so finally the day of my first class arrived. Images of me gracefully swivelling to a slow romantic number, dancing like shakira to a feet tapping number complete with all the jhatkas and matkas rose in my mind..

Sixty minutes, a spectacular fall with me crushing my instructor’s feet,lots of tears later, I practically sprinted towards the exit.

Oh well, a crashing end to my dreams, literally and metaphorically!!!

So all you budding dancers you know whom to turn to for advice if you ever need to.

Guess you would be better off without any, though!!!