My Manic Menopause

The Great Depression

2011-04-17T23:10:00.000-07:00

The world seems to look different through menopausal eyes. I had been told by a couple of people that you can become depressed without hormones..or ovaries. I guess I thought I would make it through as I always had, sometimes by the skin of my teeth. Lately it seems harder to find the good in anything. I am not giving up on it, by any means..it's just harder.

I remember hearing from adult women as a child, how difficult menopause was for them. I remember the phrase "I cry watching Hallmark commercials." I remember thinking, really? Sure they can be quite sappy sometimes, but I didn't see myself crying over a commercial.

**NEWS ALERT...I, a 38 year old woman, cried yesterday, watching an episode of Glee!!**

I'm not saying it's not a great, kind of corny show. But, I am fairly positive I could have gotten through this show without shedding any tears about 5 years ago!

Obviously, the great depression has set in! This great photograph, available at Amazon struck me close to home right now. It's from 1938 and was taken in southeast Missouri. The people in the photo reminded me of my grandmother and mother. My grandmother raised me and she grew up in the Midwest. She adopted me after my mother died, when I was two years old. You guessed it, my eyes welled up with tears as soon as I saw it! I think the important thing to remember is that there is always someone who has had it worse. I need to remember that everyone has their own version of the great depression....menopause is my version.

Now, Where Did Menopause Put My Mind?

2010-10-03T17:49:00.000-07:00

What in the world has happened to my mind? Menopause came in and completely altered my whole mind. It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I have no idea how to cope with it sometimes. I'm forgetting things constantly. You know you are old when you forget that you forgot something and then realize it days later. For me, it wasn't a gradual thing. It happened within six months, is that normal? I have turned into a person that not even my grandmother was. She was a strong woman until the day she went into the hospital before she died. She didn't completely forget how to do things she already knew how to do.
The mind is amazing and I cannot tell you how important it is to appreciate every minute the mind gives you. However, my mind has decided that it is retiring. It's on a part time basis. A friend told me that I should do things like Sodoku to keep my mind fresh. Oh, look..I just remembered that. You have to remember to do the Sodoku....that's the problem! Menopause...I would like my mind back and I will fight you for it!

Menopause....the beginning!

2010-09-25T12:42:00.000-07:00

No one ever said it would be easy. Actually, my doctor said to imagine being out in a sea of menopause with no sight of land. I kind of laughed at the time, and thought that nothing could be that bad. I had beat cancer, and pulmonary embolisms, and knee surgery! I would surely get through this as well.

It started immediately after surgery. The doctors said I was lucky. Besides the tumor that grew on basically nothing, adhesions had pretty much taken over my whole insides and almost killed me. Didn’t someone say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? I’m not sure who that was, but I am not particularly fond of the expression anymore. Though I must be incredibly strong!

Immediately following surgery came the hot flashes. These weren’t sissy hot flashes. These were the I-can’t-take-hormones-and-don’t-have-ovaries anymore kind of hot flashes. I apparently started to undress while I was still under the effects of the anesthesia. My husband saved me from embarrassing myself like only someone can while drugged. Thank you, sweetie!

It was the most amazing heat I have ever felt in my entire life. It was almost as if my blood started to boil from the depths of my core. I wanted to drink an entire glass of cold water or jump into the freezer. It wasn’t until almost a year later that I wanted to kiss the individual that invented the ice packs for your neck. It fits nicely on the back of the neck and equals instant gratification!