My Meditation Journal

I am sorry to have been away so long

2009-05-12T13:11:00.001-04:00

If anyone out there is still following me. I have moved my blog to

http://mindfulnessinaction.wordpress.com/

Be well,

Rafael

Thoughts of Metta

2009-01-07T06:40:00.000-05:00

May I be well happy and peaceful.

How to enjoy paradise when it is only an illusion

2008-12-15T21:10:00.000-05:00

Attachment, clinging, craving, holding on; all these are as natural to me as breathing. As I have conditioned myself over the years and one could argue over the ages in past existences, clinging to the impermanant world is quite a habit.

This comes to mind as I am enjoying my vacation in Sri Lanka and the traps that come with such an experience. Right now I am writing this post from a five star luxury hotel. The atmosphere and service is beyond description. The experience here has been so pleasant that it is beyond tempting to be carried away with it.

In order to truly enjoy something like this I must put it into perspective. First it's not free. I have to pay for this with money I have worked hard to earn; from a job I'm not too crazy about. Second, this is just a temporary thing that is subject to all the things life is subject to. Third, it all comes to an end.

With this in mind I believe that I can cut through the illusions and see this for what it really is and thus be able to enjoy it fully.

Sensual pleasure always comes with dissatisfaction. One teacher described it as "buy one get one free". That will certainly be the case when we leave here. There will be a small part of me that will still want things to remain how they are here.

So, I must let go so that I can be free to enjoy. All good AND bad things come to an end. That being said it's time to enjoy the life I have.

In the land of the Buddhas

2008-12-08T07:26:00.000-05:00

My first visit to Sri Lanka was two years ago. At that time I was still pretty new to Buddhism so visiting Sri Lanka was quite a spiritual awakening for me.

At that time I wasn't practicing much meditation but since then I have developed a consistent routine. I am looking forward to spending some time at the various holy places and hopefully getting a few moments of practice in while there. These are not opportunities that prevent themselves every day.

This morning I had a good session. I had to sit on the bed because the floor is concrete and I have no mat. My soft western bones are in no way able to handle sitting cross legged on a concrete floor.

I am continuing on the meditation subject of impermanence and non self. "I am neither the same thing nor something different"

Be well and keep sitting so you can keep living.

A new Meditation Subject

2008-12-01T06:02:00.000-05:00

Usually my meditation subject has been the sensation of in and out breathing. I have read that one can chose a phrase as we'll for a meditation subject. I have attempted this in the past as an alternative to the breath with little success.

Recently I read something about rebirth that was profound and it has stuck with me. I thought I would give it a try during meditation. So, this morning I thought about this phrase; I am neither the same thing nor something different. The original context was as I mentioned, regarding rebirth. However, close examination shows that this statement has profound relevance to the present moment and the ever changing yet consistent psycho physical organism I call a self.

I will take up this subject from here on out and see where it leads.

What am I Thankful for

2008-11-27T09:21:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving is a big holiday here in the U.S.and has become my favorite holiday.

This holiday will be the first since my mother died back in March and I am really happy my brother flew out to be with us as I haven't seen him sine our mother's funeral.

So, what are you thankful for? I hope that today and every day after you meet with the fruits of all your good deeds; that not only are you blessed but that others are blessed by you.

May you be well happy and peaceful!

Spiritual Burn Out

2008-11-21T10:47:00.002-05:00

I am going through a period of spiritual burn out. Has this ever happened to you? At some point the blows of life, poor choices and the consequences of past decisions just leave you lifeless on the side of the road of life. This has been my experience for the last month. It’s not the first time this has happened but this is the first time that I actually have some insight as to why. And because of this insight I am optimistic that I will pull out of it. So, I just want to take a few lines to outline three things I have observed to be at the root of this current spiritual burn out I am going through.

First of all I am experiencing a different feeling then I have in times of spiritual strength. Generally I have gauged my spiritual progress on how I am feelings. I tend to go as those feelings go and if those feelings don’t arise or do arise I tend to think there is something wrong or right and inevitably I start to slip. So, I am seeing first hand that feelings are not reliable to cling to. They are just phenomena that come and go and trying to hold on to them is like trying to catch the wind in my hands.

Second, I tend to push too hard and have an extreme nature about me. The Buddha didn’t call his teaching the “Middle Path” for nothing. There is a simple brilliance to balance but it is not a state of mind that is easy to gain. I usually take the “eat the whole pie in one bite” approach to my spiritual progress. I want to absorb and gain all the knowledge in the world in one instant. In addition I have the tendency to become a spiritual “pack rat” and “Jack of all trades”. I go around collecting and piling up all things spiritual but not mastering any. Eventually I am mentally cluttered and have no idea what to do with all the “stuff” I have collected. So, I am learning to stick with the basics, develop the fundamentals and form a strong foundation I can work from.

Third, and most important, I have realized the effect that being untruthful can have on my spiritual progress. I told what one may consider a “little white lie”, last month. Telling that lie was like throwing a bucket of water on my spiritual camp fire. It has been really hard to recover from that unskillful action. If I told you what it was you would certainly say it was no big deal but no matter what the opinion the effects can’t be disputed. I learned a lesson from it and I am going to tell you from personal experience that lying can take the wind right out of your spiritual sales no matter how “small” the lie may seem to be.

So, this has been therapeutic for me and I get the sense I will be able to get back on the path, back on the cushion and back in balance. These kinds of experiences are sometimes the best way to learn. I can’t be too hard on myself nor can I be too easy on myself; “I’m” all “I” have to work with. I have learned a lesson that I need act on. We shall see how this all turns out.

I wish you the best of luck in your spiritual journey. I would love to hear your experience and appreciate your encouragement so feel free to leave a comment.

May you be well, happy and peaceful!

Rafael

A Charter for Compassion

2008-11-13T12:04:00.001-05:00

When opportunity knocks

2008-10-20T15:34:00.004-04:00

This past Sunday I drove down to the Bhavana Society meditation Center with my future mother in law. Located in High View, West Virginia we went down for the Katina service where once a year in October a robe is offered to the Buddhist monks by the laity.

I thought I would take this rare opportunity of access to a quiet secluded forest and spend that time under at tree in meditation. So, I dropped my future mother-in law off in front of the main hall and drove along the gravel winding road to find parking. The only spot available was at the very end of the gravel road. I parked the car and opened the trunk, grabbed my cushion and back pack and headed off down a trail to find a suitable location.

I walked for about three minutes or so and found a spot I liked. I cleared a small area that was covered by the autumn foliage and retrieved my blanket from the bag. I laid out the blanket, put on my warm meditation robe and put my cushion down. I took out my singing bowl lit and incense stick and went to work.

The silence and seclusion was just what the proverbial doctor ordered. I sat and alternated with walking meditation for about an hour. I prefer sitting on the soft earth more than I do the floor. It is a support that is so comforting and natural. The time of year and the cool temperature was ideal because I didn't have to worry about my curious or hungry insect friends making me their next meal or temporary home.

After a little more than an hour I walked back down to the main hall and was just in time for lunch. After getting my lunch and reconnecting with my family and friends I slipped away again to go and sit for another hour while the Dhamma talk was given by Bhante G.

I have to say that I was drawn to the crushing silence that was only broken ever so often by wind rattled leaves and the occasional air plane passing overhead.

I was happy and certainly hope that I can find more opportunities in the near future to practice in the forest. While I was sitting I kept my motivation to concentrate by thinking, "This is an opportunity that does not come often. I should not waste it but take full advantage to gain insight into the nature of reality and how this psycho-physical organism I call myself actually works". This was opportunity knocking and I was more than happy to answer!

May you be well, happy and peaceful!

Observing Uposatha

2008-10-14T14:25:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was the first time I have observed Uposatha/Full Moon observance. Wow! Since I was off for Columbus Day I took the opportunity to spend the day in meditation, chanting, and reading. The actually full moon is today but based on all I have read on the observance yesterday was an acceptable day to observe the full moon.

My day began at 4 a.m. with meditation and chanting. I continued all day with a mixture of reading, chanting, walking and sitting meditation, mindfulness and loving kindness meditation.

I took the eight precepts which include three more practices beyond the five I take everyday and one that is just an augment, if you will, being a vow of celibacy as opposed to the vow to abstain from sexual misconduct.

1. Not to participate in any forms of dancing, singing or music.
2. Not to take any meals or solid food after 12:00 noon
3. not to sleep in high beds or sit on high seats.

I have to say that I had so much energy. I thought I would be board and eventually just find myself twiddling my thumbs but that was not the case. I had more than enough to do, so much so I had to force myself to get to bed. My fiance was kind enough to let me sleep on the air mattress on the floor so I was able to keep all eight precepts for the day.

This experience was wonderful and I am glad I had the chance to do it. It was probably the best thing I could do for my mental and emotional well being.

13 Day schedule and Mindfulness Meditation a Buddhist/Mayan Hybrid

2008-09-24T11:46:00.018-04:00

I don't think I have posted anything about how important the combination of the Mayan Calendar and Buddhism have been for my spiritual development (not to mention many of the other Shamanistic, Hindu and other religious beliefs and practices I draw from, but these two are my base). The combination of "true Western” and Eastern spirituality seems to have united both hemispheres of my brain. I am more connected to the biosphere and much more sensitive and spiritual than at any point in my life.

To try and go into great detail and pour everything that is in my head into this post would be really difficult so I am not going to attempt it here, although at times is may seem like I am! I am simply going to detail how I use both traditions in my practice. Based on my experience I am convinced that the Mayan people deeply understood the energies that come with each new day and thus created a calendar that works best with the energies that are created as the earth, solar system and galaxy journey through space and time.

The one aspect of the Mayan Calendar I will deal with on this post is how I work through the 13 day week the Mayans called the Trecena. For the Mayan people each week has a dominant energy that is sort of the thread that runs through those 13 days. In addition every day in that week (13 days) has its own unique energy. I have been able, like a lot of people, to make a comfortable Buddhist Mayan hybrid that has enhanced my spiritual potential and ability to be more in tune with creation. This Calendar is what I use as my foundation for "spiritual time." This East-West combination is what I call the East West Hybrid experience.

So, I'll kind of explain how I use the two. Essentially every morning I wake up and go to my shrine room. I take a look at my Mayan Calendar and see what the energy of that day is. I read over the recommendations on how to work with that energy and mindfully start the day. When the new 13 day week begins I review the notes from the previous week I have made in my journal and make goals for the next week based on the dominant energy for that week. I also lay out my meditation practice schedule and will read from a selection of Buddhist Sutras for those 13 days. So, for example the last 13 day cycle began Tuesday September 23. The dominant energy or thread of energy for the next 13 days of this cycle is the sun sign of Dog and this period is most conducive to enjoying family and friends. So, I simply try to flow with that energy, be mindful of it work with it instead of against it. (The new Trecena begins this Monday 10/6/08).

In addition, during the next thirteen days I will practice an aspect of Metta Meditation and work on developing the 1st Jhana stage of concentration meditation. I also look ahead in the week and try to make certain plans based on the energies that may be more conducive for my goals and purposes. One example is that I post to this blog on the sun sign of Wind ( which comes around every 20 days). This is the Mayan sun sign I was born under and is most conducive to spirituality, communication and new ideas. This is one example of how I try to cooperate and use these spiritual energies. So, once I have taken a look at the calendar and get an idea on the energy for the day I start practicing loving kindness meditation in which I quietly recite the following:

May I be well happy and peaceful,
May no harm come to me,
May I always meet with spiritual success,
May I also have patience, courage, understanding and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems and failures in life.
May I always rise above them with morality, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, mindfulness and wisdom.

May my parents...
May my teachers...
May my relatives...
May my friends...
May all indifferent persons...
May all unfriendly persons...
May all living beings...

From there I move into concentration practice by following the breath and once I have gained some level of concentration I transition into mindfulness or insight meditation.

As I go through the day I work to stay present and mindful of the moment to moment experience of existence and also tune in to the energies that the day has created. Each hour on the hour I stop what I'm doing and think:

May I be free of envy,
May I be free of hatred,
May I be free of worry,
May my mind be peaceful,
Just like me, may all beings, all living beings, all beings awaiting birth,
May they be free of envy,
May they be free of hatred,
May they be free of worry,
May their minds be peaceful,
May they be free of sorrow,
May they not be separated from happiness they have achieved.

I also practice this meditation in the evening when I get home as well. When the new 13 day period begins (10/6/08) I will start practicing what is called Odisa Pharana Metta which expands thoughts of loving kindness to more specific groups of people. As I mentioned earlier I also pick a particular teaching from the Buddha and that will be my lesson for the next 13 days.

The thing I like most about the Mayan Calendar is its potential to bind all of humanity together which is most certainly the case for loving kindness meditation as well.

Regarding the Mayan calendar, these energies are not specific to a particular time of birth, although that element is there, but for the most part every one, if they tune into the same station sort of speak, can pick up the same signal and work together in a harmonic way. This is not to say that everyone is going to experience the same energy in the same way. It’s not that cut and dry. Some people will experience the energies in positive or negative ways. The point is to learn how to flow with them and not to try and control them but to work with those energies. For me this is where the Buddhist teachings that all conditioned things are impermanent, involve suffering and are without a permanent self help to negotiate through the constant flux of existence.

If you are interested in exploring this spiritual "East-West hybrid" there are two web sites I rely heavily upon for information and learning. For the Mayan Calendar there is the Mayan Majix web site. Mayan Majix produces a wonderful daily planner and other articles about the Mayan Calendar. For instruction on Buddhist Meditation, I follow the Theravada branch of Buddhism, there is the Bhavana Society web site. Here you can down load guided meditations to practice along with talks.

This has worked really well for me as I have searched for the best practice that suits my temperament and goals. If you find it helpful as you move along your spiritual path that would be great.

May you be well, happy and peaceful! May only the best things in life be your experience.

Mad Drunken Monkey Mind

2008-09-15T15:26:00.004-04:00

Last evening I sat on my balcony finishing a book and smoking a cigar. It is my monthly vice and something I look forward to while the weather is still nice. Generally I read some type of revolutionary material, lately it has been Chè but yesterday I had a book I needed to finish so I read that. The sun was going down so I was really puffing on that cigar and it left me feeling ill all day today. I generally take about two to three hours reading, puffing and babysitting a glass of red wine but again I was trying to rush and boy, am I suffering for it today. In addition to having no energy I am suffering from “mad drunken monkey mind” which isn’t helping at all.

This morning my meditation time was hard to get through. First of all it was a struggle to get up at 4:00 a.m. and stay up. Monday is always a little hard because I tend to stay up a little later and sleep in a little later as well on weekends so it can be like being thrown into a cold shower sometimes. I did get through the sitting but dozed off a few times and couldn’t really gain any concentration. I did however gently transition into mindfulness meditation to watch this frame of mind jump all over the place. It was really like a wild animal trapped inside my head! I went back to bed and slightly begged my fiancé if we could take the day off from the gym because I was not feeling well and thankfully she agreed.

As the day has gone on I have given a great deal of thought to a few things. First has been developing kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity or as they are collectively known, the Four Divine Abodes. Lately I have become more aware and willing to strive to be harmless in all my interactions and communications with people and especially those closest to me. For most of my life I have had the tendency to be quite manipulative and have a way of making myself look better by making others look bad. I certainly take advantage of this if I know one side does not particularly like the other. I am determined to be mindful of this behavior and to put a stop to it.

Today’s field trip with the Mad Drunken Monkey mind has also given me the opportunity to better understand how concentration and mindfulness can transition into each other given the proper conditions. So if my mind is jumping all over the place and I am unable to gain concentration on breathing I can use my frame of mind as a subject of meditation if you will. Where is the mind going and where has it been? Has it been in the past or the future and what kind of feelings am I experiencing in the process? This brings me to the other interesting point I spent time contemplating. Just how many minds do I have anyway? Conventional wisdom would perhaps say one mind but my experience says there is possibly one mind that is getting bombarded by faster than light thoughts or even two or three minds or even more which in some cases are able to stand back and observe other minds. (Ultimately from the sense of non self I don’t have nor own anything, there is just mind and the conditions that produce the phenomena of mind but no “mind that is mine”).

I recall hearing someone ask Bhante G the question about what is it that observes the mind and his response was “mind observes mind”. Certainly this mind that rises and falls with boggling rapidity is capable of so much more than I have been “mindful” of in the past.
Finally, this experience today got me thinking more about one of the steps in the Noble Eightfold Path called Right Effort. It reads:

“Here (in this teaching), bhikkhus, a bhikkhu generates an intention, makes effort, rouses energy, applies his mind, and strives ardently to prevent the arising of evil, unwholesome states of mind that have not yet arisen.

He generates an intention, makes effort, rouses energy, applies his mind, and strives ardently to abandon evil, unwholesome states of mind that have arisen.
He generates an intention, makes effort, rouses energy, applies his mind, and strives ardently to attain wholesome states of mind that have not yet arisen.

He generates an intention, makes effort, rouses energy, applies his mind, and strives ardently to maintain the wholesome states of mind that have arisen, to prevent their lapsing, to increase them, to cause them to grow, and to completely develop them. This, bhikkhus, is called Right Effort.”

In the moments when I find myself day dreaming or ego and castle building I can practice Right Effort. Of course Right Effort can and should be practiced at all times but it’s these aimless mind wanderings that make me think about this step of Right Effort and how beneficial it is. So much of my time is spent generating subconscious and conscious karmic volition. Even while I am working my mind can be off somewhere creating scenarios where I am setting my boss straight or humiliating someone with my sharp wit or being the most handsome guy in the room. So many times I am off in an alternate reality building my ego and hurting people in the process that these rouge thoughts and wanderings become the behavior I express to people. The Bible and the Buddha both say “as a man thinks so is he.”

So Right Effort is a great cure for this problem of telling myself stories I want to here and putting endings to them where I am always the hero, always the winner and the survivor. Do you experience any of this too? Right Effort is not simply telling myself better or more acceptable stories but instead being mindful of the frame of mind I want to develop.

Mad Drunken Monkey Mind is not some Kung Fu fighting style it is a state of mind that needs to be observed in a detached manner with mindfulness. It is mindfulness that leads to insight as to the nature of this ever rising and dissolving phenomenon I perceive as a self.
I have to say that I have also gained a slightly better understanding and appreciation of how the physical state can upset a tranquil mind. That cigar left my body in a state of morbidity and my mind felt the consequences. The good thing about the mind is that you don’t have to wait long before a new one comes along.

May you be well, happy and peaceful!

Jhana

2008-09-04T15:48:00.006-04:00

I down loaded a guided Meditation retreat from the Bhavana Society web site on Jhana meditation by Bhante G. Wow!

Lately I have been working really hard to practice loving kindness and developing the four sublime states as a way to improve my practice. Even though I still can be impatient, experience moments of anger and hate along with many other flaws, I am noticing an overall improvement and finding my time on the cushion more productive, relatively speaking.

The guided Jhana meditation was nothing short of profound this morning. Bhate G helped clear up alot of things, specifically how Vipassana and Jhana Meditation work together. I had always thought they were completely separate and until now I had no idea that I could work with both at the same time if need be. For me it was like the missing piece in my daily practice. It put me on track and gave me access to a much needed teacher.

In the past I've tried to go on retreats to the Bhavana Society but was unable to attend for one reason or another. I do go for most of the Buddhist holidays and it is such a wonderful place to experience peace and tranquility. I am glad they make these retreats available because it has certainly helped me and I am sure others as well.

The 4 Sublime States

2008-08-26T12:09:00.002-04:00

Love, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy and Equanimity.

It's starting to click. The path to concentration can be found in these four sublime states of mind.

Tenfold Compassion Tenfold Cruelty

2008-08-12T12:05:00.001-04:00

It’s been a week or so since I last practiced loving kindness meditation (more like a month!). So, yesterday evening I made good on my promise to practice. For me there is nothing easy about meditation either physically or mentally; which, interestingly, is a good way to contemplate impermanence, suffering, and non self.

As I struggled through the session the thought came to me, what if every time I committed an unfriendly or hateful action toward another living being the person(s) I loved most received similar treatment but only tenfold? Similarly, what if every act of compassion and kindness I demonstrated toward any living being resulted in the person(s) I loved most receiving similar treatment but only tenfold?

I thought about this and wondered to myself, if I treat someone at work, for instance, in an unkind manner could that action really affect the person(s) I love the most and possibly tenfold? The more I thought about it the more I realized that indeed it can.

If I become angry with a co worker, personally, I will only go so far in expressing my displeasure. I will certainly not curse at them. I wouldn’t just walk away in the middle of a disagreement and I certainly wouldn’t tell them to shut up or anything like that. Instead I have to look for a more subtle manner to express my anger. I might play some office politics or try and make them look bad, talk about them to other co workers or my favorite just be passive aggressive. I may do little things that I know get under their skin just to be spiteful and vengeful.

For the most part my behavior is in check. There are certain rules I have to follow in order to avoid being fired or disciplined. Most often that anger is just pinned up deep inside and hateful and angry feelings are stored up and played over and over again in my head.

I know I am not the only one out there who takes certain emotional liberties with my loved ones that I don’t generally take with the outside world. For some reason I have been deluded into thinking it can be acceptable to unleash the full force of my wrath on my loved ones. I have never cursed out my boss but I certainly have done this to my lover. Little acts of meanness at work, in traffic or at the grocery store have many times translated to tenfold fits of anger acted out upon my loved ones which is most unfortunate.

The same holds true with acts of compassion. I have noticed that acts of compassion and kindness toward the outside world tend to make me far more tender and loving at home and with the people I care most about and vice versa, being kind and loving at home helps me to reciprocate that to others. The other component is how these two mental states, cruelty and compassion affect me. More and more I realize that the being that I call me is the sum total of actions. Compassionate actions create a compassionate being while cruel actions create a cruel being and a mix of the two creates a hybrid!

So, this thought stays with me. By being compassionate and kind I am creating a peaceful mental state for myself, my family and friends. They will love to have me around and will be comforted by my presence. By being hateful and cruel I bring upon myself, my family and friends sorrow and pain. They don’t want to have me around because I am negative and hateful. With the understanding that hurting others leads to great suffering for my loved ones at my own hand I must do all I can to develop and practice a compassionate heart and with my own hand be a blessing to all those I contact.

May you be well, happy and peaceful!

The Joker

2008-07-23T13:03:00.001-04:00

My mind has taught my body countless conditioned responses and habits for the purpose of being able to run off and create alternate realities. I have seen this behavior and it is now exposed. My mind has played the Joker and like a good friend I kindly admonish it to cease with its foolery and be aware and awake to the true nature of things.

A spiritual time

2008-07-18T12:57:00.003-04:00

I have never really paid much attention to time or the lack thereof when it comes to my spiritual development. I have been slowly familiarizing myself with the 13 moon Dream spell Calendar and the Mayan Calendar. Both of these are just as similar as they are different and I am intuitively learning how to combine the two.

This new concept of observing time in a new and different paradigm for me helps me to monitor my spiritual development, to become more mindful and aware of my progression. It is with this that I say July has been an interesting month to say the least for my spiritual development.

I have become closer and closer to nature with my flower garden, garden plot and bird feeder. I performed two Dana services, one for my mom and the other for Himashi's dad. I have meditated a few times out doors and just last evening I meditated as the full moon rose into the night sky and then did some gazing with my telescope. It was a really spiritual experience.

Intuitively I have been feeling a strong pull toward a more spiritual and calm life. However, my meditation sessions have met with much difficulty and hindrance. It appears that the more I learn and attempt to apply and practice, the more my mind, old habits, and fundamentally ignorance resist the effort. It has become quite difficult but the thing is that I know what is happening.

I read something to day on twitter about Vassa and it really gave me a good boost spiritually. I didn't know that Vassa was in some ways similar to Catholic Lent. This is encouraging because it allows me to make a good conscious effort over the next three months to devote to extra practice.

I have a lot more to write about so I need to keep up with the posts a little better than I have been. Funny how some of this post is about the topic of time.

Four Months

2008-07-01T23:29:00.001-04:00

Today marked four months since my mother died. There is nothing really significant about four months but my fiance thought it would be nice if we went to the Buddhist Temple to have a puja service in her memory.

It was really nice of her to think of doing this and going to the temple and performing devotional and wholesome deeds on behalf of my departed mother is very comforting. We spent about two hours at the Wheaton Temple with the head monk and it was really nice.

For the service the monks chanted various Buddhist Sutras and asked that we all hold good thoughts in our hearts and minds for my mother. The combination of the monks chanting and loving, compassionate thoughts for my mother was soothing and euphoric. It is nice to be able to think about mom in a positive and loving way in a such a calm, compassionate and supportive environment that the monks and the temple provide. The monks are reassuring and don't try to skirt around the realities of life and death.

This is a great service, because there are moments which I am sure we all share when the memories of our our lost loved ones creep into our minds seemingly out of nowhere. The timing may not be convenient or perhaps we have unpleasant memories or feelings of crushing guilt. Normally we usually don't think of setting up a controlled time and environment when we can really think about our lost loved ones and actively work with any feelings we may have. This ceremony provides that opportunity. Today I had the chance to think about mom and hold her close to my mind and heart in a manner that is healthy and helpful for the grieving process. I had all the time I needed and did not have to be bothered with getting back to work or having to do this or that. No, this time was for her and I and I was happy to have it and thankful that my fiance and her mother took time to share it with me as well.

I certainly plan to take advantage of this service whenever I can. As I said it is really helpful and in such a busy world where the demands of life don't tend to allow you to stop and reflect on loss it's nice to know I have this option whenever I need it and that there are compassionate monks that are available for me when I need them.

May you be well, happy and peaceful!

Anger has consequences

2008-07-01T13:36:00.002-04:00

I went to bed angry last night and woke up in the same state of mind. I didn't feel like getting up to sit so I slept in. I had a long day yesterday and was still pretty tired and that coupled with being angry, there was not much motivation to practice.

Himashi arranged for me to go to the temple. Today is four months since my mom died. Tonight I will go and offer flowers, food, and incense to the Buddha for her, to transfer merits in her behalf. This will be a good meritorious act and one I will be happy to perform.

Setteling down

2008-06-29T09:06:00.003-04:00

I am sure that in a previous post I dealt with how I need to get back to the basics of the Middle Way. I tend to get overwhelmed with all the "deep" teachings and never really get a complete handle on anything.

A couple of weeks ago I intuitively realized that for my spiritual practice I need to really get a handle on the Four Noble Truths. This is the foundation, the bedrock of the Middle Way. The Buddha said that it was not until he penetrated these truths completely that he could attain Enlightenment.

So here I go. This will be my course and my pursuit. I know that I will still read and investigate all the the things that tend to catch my interest, (for instance the book I bought yesterday about Edgar Cayce, purchased for the most part because it was 50% off.) but my base will be the Four Noble Truths.

Why am I always better?

2008-06-25T16:22:00.002-04:00

I recently noticed how critical I am. Whenever I see someone do something different from how I would do it I think to myself how stupid they are. I know I'm not the only one that does this. We all do it. I am tired of being so critical and tired of complaining all the time.

Last evening I had the impression that I really need to step up my practice and really strive harder. I have been going half speed and have been a little frustrated with my results. The reality is that I am getting back what I am putting in so there it is. If I want better results I need to work harder developing my spiritual life and virtue.

Beginning to see

2008-06-20T05:54:00.002-04:00

There are many things about the nature of the world that I understand intellectually. When I read about impermanence, for example, it makes sense but when I experience it, particularly during meditation, it is nothing short of profound.

This morning as I quietly sat in my shrine room I began to slowly absorb the reality that nothing is permanent and all phenomena that is based on conditions is in a constant state of flux. While I focused on my breath I experienced an itch right on the inside of my nose. Talk about torture! It was interesting because I actually experienced the itch right when it came up. My first reaction was to reach up and scratch it but instead I decided to observe it and the feelings that came along with it. In some of my previous posts I have gone into great detail about my itching experiences so I will forgo that in this post. However, once again sitting still and watching how the body works is quite a revelation in impermanence.

Even more so I am beginning to see how my feelings and emotions are tied into what is happening with the body mind complex whether from physical, mental or non physical or mental stimulation. The feelings of despair and the idea that I might go insane over this itch were to some degree comical. On the other hand it is serious to understand how a particular experience produces certain feelings. I think that I will begin to approach these feelings associated with sense pleasures more closely.

The Early Bird

2008-06-19T05:31:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I slept in until about 5:30 so I started my meditation a little late. I was tired and figured that even though I was about an hour and a half late that was still enough time to sit comfortably and have time to get ready for the day.

I have converted one of the storage closets on my balcony into a shrine room and on the balcony I have a bird feeder. So, as I sat in meditation the bird feeder was attracting many beautiful birds. I couldn't help but to be distracted and would find myself with my eyes open and enjoying the birds.

So this morning I determined that I had to get up before they did so that I would not be tempted to bird watch.

The lessons of Impermanence

2008-06-16T05:20:00.004-04:00

"All conditioned things are Impermanent. When once sees this with wisdom one turns away from suffering, this is the path to purity."

As I sat in meditation this morning I watched the rise and falling of my breathing and then focused on the impermanence of each breath. I followed the beginning the middle and the end of each in and out breath and noticed how each breath is different and non lasting.

Eventually my legs began to go numb and I had a chance to observe the pain as it started to rise, peak and then fade away. Usually when my legs go numb I all but want to die! This time I stayed with every moment of the pain... Every moment was a new moment so the experience was a moment to moment experience, meaning each moment had a beginning middle and end. I sat calmly and gained some insight into impermanence.

How does that translate off the cushion when phenomena is moving at faster than the speed of light? If I can be mindful to find my breath when there is conflict and recall that all conditioned things are impermanent I may be able to use any situation as a meditation tool right then and there. I can observe and see the situation as it really is. So, my goal it to take this morning's experience and apply it to the full speed situation of life.

In addition, for the next 8 weeks I'll be studying the Noble Eightfold Path. This week is Right Understanding...More to come on that.

May you be well, happy and peaceful!

Getting Back to the Basics

2008-06-15T21:09:00.003-04:00

I think I may have eluded to this in a prior post but I need to get back to the basics with my meditation practice. Lately I have been kind of all over the map, distracted by other spiritual paths. I have been really diving into gaining a better understanding of ancient traditions and how they seemed to be universal in consciousness. I could go on and on with examples but this is not the point of my post.

What I am trying to get at is that all this stuff is wonderful. I have tried to incorporate all that I am learning and actually apply it to my practice. The only thing is that while it is enriching it really has not helped me in the area of meditation. So I am resolved to get back to the basics. The basics? It's really simple. The Four Noble Truths. This is what I have to strive to understand and what I am determined to do. I alwasy get distracted, even in Buddhism with all the metaphysical and philosophical stuff. I read and read but there is so much that I really never get a good foundation. The Buddha once said about his teachings, "I teach suffering, the cuase of suffering, the cure for suffering and the path that leads to the cure, nothing else." I tend to and I think we all tend to want the most complicated parts of the teachings. However, the Buddha says that it wasn't until he understoond the Four Noble Truths that he was able attain Enlightenment. They seem simple but they are enough to occupy a life time. The purpose of my meditation practice is to gain insight into the Four Noble Truths. This is the path I must walk and stay on.

Wish me well.

May you be well, happy, and peaceful!