My Musings - Santwana Korada

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Sat, 01 Oct 2022 06:51:00 +0000

Hearing vs Listening

Greetings --importance & effects

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Fri, 29 May 2020 04:50:00 +0000

Greetings Are Important. Greetings are vital to make that first good impression, establish good relationships with your loved ones and set a positive tone for any conversation whether it is with your friend, boss or client. If you want to be an effective personality, you should not ignore the importance of greetings.

The greetings change depending on the time of the day. For example, “Good morning” is generally used from 5:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. whereas “Good afternoon” is appropriate for a period from 12:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. “Good evening” is often used after 6 p.m. or when the sun goes down.

The majority of older people insist that with this simple gesture you reflect the values of your family, while others hold the opinion that it is a symbol of respect. In any case, a greeting is very important to us. It is a manifestation of warmth, appreciation, and love that one person has for others.

Smiling will also improve your health by reducing stress, boosting your immune system, lowering your blood pressure and making you look younger. To make a positive impression on people you are greeting, look in their eyes and offer a warm, friendly smile as you tell them how pleased you are to meet or see them.

The effects of a simple greeting

We all need recognition. We need to feel that we matter. This doesn't mean that we should be running for glory and honour, but every human being has a basic and natural desire to be acknowledged as significant.

And we can give some of this significance to others simply by greeting them properly. The first thing to realize, which we certainly don't always think about, is that when we greet people with a 'good morning', we are actually giving them a blessing. We are telling them that we hope they will have a good morning. We are not defining the morning by saying 'good morning' rather, we are offering a blessing that it should be a good morning.

All greetings are meant in this way. The classical 'shalom aleichem' means literally that 'peace should be upon you', an excellent blessing which we always need…

The explanation would appear to be that when we see a fellow human being, we are obliged to acknowledge his value and importance. ...But even in the greeting, you display your respect for the person, even more, when you offer him a blessing that he should succeed, that things should go well, that he should have a 'good morning.'

And the way in which we greet someone is also important. ...We are not supposed to give someone a quick hello; rather, we should give them eye contact, emotion, and genuine loving attention.

As someone rightly said, "I came to love the way he lit up when I entered the room. He did this for many people, I know, but it was his special talent to make each visitor feel that the smile was unique. And it didn't stop with the greeting. When he was with you, he was really with you. He looked you straight in the eye, and he listened as if you were the only person in the world. How much better would people get along if their first encounter each day were like this—instead of a grumble from a waitress, or a bus driver, or a boss?

Formal greetings: “How do you do?”

· “Hello!”

· “Good morning.”

· “Good afternoon.”

· “Good evening.”

· “It's nice to meet you.”

· “It's a pleasure to meet you.” (These last two only work when you are meeting someone for the first time.)

· “ Hi!” ( Probably the most commonly used greeting in English)

· “ Morning!”

Who thought that such a common greeting could be so powerful? By acknowledging others in the community and having that acknowledgement reciprocated, we feel connected to the indigenous. Within the first week in a new place, the feeling of being an outsider will vanish, and you will feel accepted by the communities that you interact with. It is amazing how a simple nod and smile can considerably increase one’s sense of connection to the people around them.

Many of us experience some sort of rejection on a day-to-day basis. We often may feel ignored or excluded. Although some of us have become desensitized to this feeling, it can still put a damper on anyone’s day. However, a greeting can alleviate this sense of rejection. This sort of acknowledgement can make anyone feel more accepted by the people around them and easily brighten their day.

Unfortunately, most of us are sucked into our phones, checking our email, scrolling through Facebook / Instagram, or updating our Snapchat stories. We rarely acknowledge those around us, unless they are someone we know. We can change that. We should try to interact with the people around us. Little may we know that a simple hello/smile can make a huge impact on their day.

Feeling a Void in Life

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Mon, 09 Dec 2019 12:46:00 +0000

Having a void means a feeling of unhappiness because someone or something is missing: a large hole or empty space:

The human mind is very powerful. If it is not controlled, it can lead you to the turmoil of feelings and emotions and such things will decide your life. Most of the times, such states of mind are based on illogical beliefs and notions and prejudices and it will not give you a successful and a better or a desired life. There could be a million reasons. Whatever the reason is, it’s turning your brain against you. A void is unhappiness without a reason, without knowing what causes it you just feel empty

When a person gets an emotional breakdown, this phenomenon happens. Ex: big failures in love affairs, huge losses in finance, set back in marital life, death of a loved one or any such emotional setbacks might result in some kind of void-a feeling of nothingness, a feeling of a vacuum created in the mind. The human being then seeks for meaning or significance which will make him continue his life. When a person thus encounters such meaningless mundane issues but meaningful to his reasoning and thirst for something better, nobler, permanent and eternal, he feels as if he is struck up with void.

There is nothing wrong if the feeling of void stays with one for a short time; else it will take him to a psychiatrist!
The best option is to expose yourself to a new environment, forming new circles, to develop new skills.

Maybe you are going through some stress or something is bothering you which you are not able to share with anyone…or probably you are finding your life to be very monotonous and you are in need of a change ….talk to someone! Share your grief or problems so that you don’t feel like you are alone! For a change read a good book or go out somewhere …give yourself a makeover or just take out time to appreciate yourself!!

I don't exactly know what you are feeling, but I can tell you what I felt.
The void that I felt, and still do, is something that goes away as I focus on activities.
Like I put in more effort and concentration at work, music helps (a lot), reading, and talking to people and trying to keep myself occupied. I try not to dwell on the negative feelings; they've never brought me anything but unhappiness.

It helps to do what you are good at, makes you feel strong and in control. You can learn a new skill, makes you feel like a winner, and you can start a new exercise routine which just makes you feel awesome.

All the options, whatever you choose to do, requires you to set short term goals, something you can achieve in a week, maybe two. Slowly built it up, it'll be tough at first and will get easier as you keep it up. But it is important to do something, sitting around isn't going to help. If you feel really bad, consider some professional help too. No shame in that. Don't let pride or shame get in the way of feeling like yourself again.

We feel a void within when we have no purpose in our life. We enjoy living when our life is fulfilled (with purpose). Hence, you must discover your purpose. The centre of your purpose must lie outside you. It means that you must see how can you make the world a better place? You must help others to create a better world and in this process, you will get a better purpose. Your void will be filled.

The human mind is like an uncontrolled horse and it is required to be controlled. By feeding your mind with useful stuff and engaging yourself in some works, you will definitely realize that such feelings and emotions are actually senseless and useless products of the human brain.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

The Powerful Words

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Wed, 28 Aug 2019 12:52:00 +0000

Words have power

Words have names

Words can always change the game

So use them with caution

Use them with care

Use them to show that you care

Words can hurt

Words can wound

If used carelessly

They can even maim and kill

So once again I say

Use them wisely

Use them sparingly

Use them to build relations

Not to destroy the world

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Fri, 23 Aug 2019 18:02:00 +0000

Work from Home vs Office

Working from home affords you flexibility, but it also demands a lot from you in return.

It’s much more than just the allure of getting to work in your pyjamas. Working from home means you’ll learn to rely on self-motivation, self-discipline, focus, and concentration. You can actually be more productive when working from home. Your office chair is your couch. Your commute is the length of your hallway. Your snack drawer is your entire pantry. Think it’s a dream? Not always.

In a traditional office setting, the mentors or the leaders seemed to be more accessible, more apt to have a pulse on the particular difficulties, and more prepared to offer feedback and guidance.

There is something to be said for having your colleagues nearby to offer support. When they physically see or hear you struggling through some sort of a business problem, they can help you to talk through various scenarios, strategize for solutions, and offer up aide or expertise in a much more natural, fluid way that does not happen when we work-from-home.

Work from office gives more of a mental and emotional break from work you can shut down the computer, switch off the light and close the office door, and pull out of the parking lot.

I have tasted both office & home.

I love the way I work now, in my PJs, multitasking as I work, interact with family, watch TV, take a short nap when work is slow, traveling if need be.

What is your way??

I guess it is each to his own!!!

Do we ever Retire?

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Sun, 22 Feb 2015 04:23:00 +0000

Retirement

"is the point where a person stops employment completely. Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and, how you want to do it."

Hence though retirement may be an ending, a closing, it is also a new beginning.

When you retire, think and act as if you were still working; when you're still working, think and act a bit as if you were already retired.

Personally for me,retirement has been a discovery of beauty as I never had the time before to notice the beauty of my grand kids, the tree outside my very own front door. And, the beauty of time itself.

I truly believe in the saying that "The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does" as doing so you can get out of the rat race at a time that allows you to not only maintain your dignity,but come away with a feeling of being wanted.
However its always wise not to simply retire from something; but have something to retire to. As more often than not,when men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking like they have always been doing.
So then for men sometimes it's hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment.

Frustrations

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Sat, 21 Feb 2015 06:55:00 +0000

1.Not having ANYONE to talk to though you are always surrounded by people.—

u become a recluse.

2.Having a partner who is anything but that….in all things in life that matter.---

u become an introvert.

3.Having to live with a control freak… who thinks that controlling all things physical, monetary, food—morsels eaten or otherwise is for your own good,& he is doing you a favor by doing it.---

u become a thief & do things in hiding.

4.You are gossiped about & laughed at in every gathering & tall tales are told about your imaginary antics.—

u start laughing out loud to hide the pain & avoid socializing.

5. Though pitied by all, externally you are normal laughing, talking & seemingly an extrovert.---

internally you start looking forward to & thinking of ways to meet your maker.

6. End result—

when u can’t take it anymore, you hate the world and give up on life & desire to leave it forever.

Life ???

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Wed, 11 Sep 2013 11:27:00 +0000

When we are on this earth we are alive & feel we own our lives and also at times others lives too.

We rave, we rant and we want everyone to accept our dominance.

We give gyaan and our opinions even when not asked for.

For somewhere deep down we want to convince ourselves of our own worth, but are too blind or downright scared to voice it, and so point fingers at others.

But it is rightfully said, “We hate most in others, what we know and unknowingly hate in ourselves”.

Our whole lives are spent in trying to prove the above & then one day…..poof…..!!!!!! & we bid farewell to the world.

Leaving behind a bad taste in the mouth, mind and memory of the very ones who we cared for the most.

Is it really worth it????

A beautiful life wasted & for what????

1.In place of hate there could have been love.

2.In place of raving and ranting there could have been laughter and smiles

3.In place of hateful words there could have been words of love and forgiveness.

As Marley rightly says:

“Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I'm not perfect -and I don't live to be
but before you start pointing fingers...
make sure you hands are clean!

This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.” --― Robert Frost

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” --― Albert Einstein

Life 's vagaries

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 16:15:00 +0000

Life’s Vagaries

I’ve learned-
1) That you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
2) That no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.
3) That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
4) That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
5) That it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
6) That you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
7) That you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.
8) That you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.
9) That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
10) That it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
11) That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
12) That you can keep going long after you can’t.
13) That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
14) That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
15) That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
16) That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
17) That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
18) That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
19) That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.
20) That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
21) That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
22) That just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
23) That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
24) That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
25) That your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.
26) That it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
27) That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
28) That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
29) That a rich person is not the one who has the most but is one who needs the least.
30) That just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
31) That we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
32) That you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
33) That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
34) That no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you too will be hurt in the process.
35) That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
36) That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
37) That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
38) That it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.
39) That people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
40) That the tongue has no bones but is strong enough to break a heart. So you better be careful with your words.

Expectations lead to frustrations:

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:01:00 +0000

As I said in my pointers in "Frustrations" it makes us into thieves in our own homes where we do things in hiding & gives us characteristics of which we ourselves become ashamed and we end up hating what we have become, leading us not only to hate the world but even ourselves. The bottom-line for building frustrations is within us itself & something which each one of us –small big, younger older or elderly, infant toddler teenager notwithstanding has. Something we knowingly or unknowingly start from a seedling and grow into a full-grown unshakeable “bargad ka ped”.—“EXPECTATIONS”.

From expecting our moms to cook and serve, clean and love as we begin this foray into the world of expectations. It’s a 2-way addiction as our peers & parents too expect good behaviour and obedience in return. Then as we grow older we expect them to fulfil our needs as well as wishes, and our friends to accept and boost our ego & self-worth. Later still our spouses & then on our kids take over & they too are added into our list & the earlier expectations remain rather even grow. We also have untold and unspoken expectations from our loved ones and friends—as if they are mind readers & will auto guess what we expect of them!!!

This is from my personal experience----It is this very same expectation, which leads to our downfall. A downfall caused by the unfulfilled expectations, partially fulfilled ones too. We feel saddened and pain, as we feel, let down—in small gestures or big projects. This pain then transforms into anger, depression, lashing out at our closest victims or even become suicidal.

Imagine ….if we did not “expect”, then there would be no “fulfilling” & hence no feeling of being let down or disappointment. In fact, because we don’t expect anything from anyone—every little bit we get any love, kind gestures, help, considerations……will be like a bonus during Diwali & Christmas….unexpected good returns, which not only bring gains but joy and happiness too. Blessing the giver & the receiver both.

Many cynics will say “easier said than done!”, I agree, but then who said life was easy?

Bottom-line if we take the first step towards non-expectation, at least we will have the satisfaction of doing something in order to avoid future disappointments & depression.

So remember…..

1. Don’t blame people for disappointing you, blame yourself for expecting too much from them.
2. "Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."– said Alexander Pope.
3. Peace begins When expectation ends.
4. Don’t expect things to happen. It’s better to be surprised than to be disappointed.
5. What makes the earth feel like hell; is our expectation that it should feel like heaven.
6. Expectations Don’t magically Change Reality… Expectations Do Something Even More Powerful They Change The Way you Deal With Reality !!

Searching your soul for answers

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 09:28:00 +0000

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.There are chapters in every life which are seldom read and certainly not aloud.Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. There are... things which a man is afraid to tell even to himself, and every decent man has a number of such things stored away in his mind.We run away all the time to avoid coming face to face with ourselves.There is a limit to how much you can change to be liked for who you really are.The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this:decide what you want.Truth hurts - not the searching after; rather it is the running from!When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.

"We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves." Dalai Lama

The Most Precious Gift

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Sat, 11 Aug 2012 07:45:00 +0000

When it was time for his birth, The Angels were filled with pride & mirth.
The angels said to the LORD above,
This Special Child will need much love.
His progress may be erratic,
His thoughts may seem quite far away.
He may turn their lives into a roller coaster,
Their day to day will be a collage poster
For he'll require extra love & care
From the folks, he meets down there.
So please pick carefully where he's sent,
We want his life to be content.
Please, LORD, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you.
They will not realize right away
The leading role they have been asked to play,
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love.
Soon they'll know the privilege given
In caring for their gift from Heaven.
Their precious charge, though not meek or mild,

Is HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD.

Changing the World One Smile at a Time

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Sun, 05 Aug 2012 03:46:00 +0000

[written by someone else .... I agree to the opinion wholeheartedly]

When I was growing up, one of my mother’s favourite sayings was ‘honey catches more flies than vinegar.’ To which either my brother or I would inevitably reply ‘who wants to catch flies.’ Yet despite our childish derision, her words and their true intent remain with me still today.
In an age where service seems to be more often an idea rather than reality, it is all too easy to become justifiably frustrated with the people in our lives whose role we perceive as being to serve us.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t expect the best. Of course, we should. But we should also offer the best of ourselves to those around us. So I’m having a bad day, or even a bad week or month or year, I’m not going to make it any better by sharing my misery around.
The other day at the supermarket I decided to try a different approach. I watched as the checkout assistant became more and more frustrated by the customers in front of me and line behind me grew longer and longer. When I got to the front of the line, instead of complaining about the wait, I thanked the checkout assistant for being so patient with the other customers.
So here is my challenge to you - join me in changing the world one smile at a time. Smile at a stranger, thank someone who is just doing their job and be amazed at how the world starts to feel like a better place.
And to get you started – here is your first random smile from me to you :-)

At least I know I’m guilty of this and I’m sure I’m not alone. Yet how often does expressing frustration result in a better service and how often does it just result in more frustration, along with a hefty rise in blood pressure?

I’ve learnt by trial and error, many times over, that getting upset with someone over bad service, no matter what they do to fix it, never results in me feeling better about myself.

You should have seen the size of the smile I got back. Even thinking about it now still makes a big grin sweep across my face. Suddenly she felt acknowledged, recognized, valued … all the things that we so sorely need but so rarely receive. Did I get any better service from her than the people in front of me? Who knows. Did I feel a whole heap better about my interaction with her? You better believe I did!!! At the heart of this is our primal need to matter.

The need that, in the time we walk this mortal path, we lay down lasting tracks that say to future generations ‘I was here and I made a difference.’ We are all aware of how important inclusion is. How being the wallflower at a dance, or the person in the corner at a party or the last one picked for a team can destroy our self-esteem. But recently I heard of a study that showed even acknowledgement by strangers can change for the better how we feel about our lives.

Now I am making it my mission to change the world one smile at a time. It doesn’t take much, just smiling at random strangers I pass in the street. Saying hello to someone I pass on my morning walk. Smiling and thanking the person looking after the desk at the gym. Wishing the lady at the school crossing a great day. Thanking the bus driver as I jump off the bus. It takes so little effort, but it gives so much back to me. I feel good because I’m appreciating everything around me and the smiles and kind words that I get back every so often are an unexpected bonus.

RACE against ????

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Sun, 29 Jul 2012 07:44:00 +0000

If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change” is the ETERNAL TRUTH.

We all flee in the hope of finding some ground of security, however, running, you should know, is a kind of stillness. It's the things we run from that hurt us the most. You can run, but sooner or later, you run out of places to run to. If you want it you’ll find a way, if not you’ll find an excuse.
It’s funny how the people who know the least, have the most to say and the people, who know the most, walk away.

You can’t escape God, and you can’t escape your skeletons in the closet. They will always be there until you take them out from behind those dusty old moth-eaten coats. Your exterior facade of ‘everything is alright’ only works for a little while, and then the cracks begin to show. You can only hide behind yourself for so long. You can’t keep running!
You learned to run from what you feel, and that's why you have nightmares. To deny is to invite madness. To accept is to control. Running away was easy; not knowing what to do next was the hard part.

There aren't any rules to running away from your problems. No checklist of things to cross off. No instructions. Eeny, meeny, pick a path and go. But our problems always find us. Sometimes quicker than others. Sometimes one month and sometimes six. There's no rule when it comes to that, either. Not about how long it takes for the problems to catch up with us. Just that they will, that much is a given. And then it's time to run again to a new town, a new home, or a new school.
But if there aren't any rules, I wonder why it feels the same every time. Feels like we leave behind a little bit of who we were in each house we've left empty. Scattering pieces of ourselves in towns all over the place. A trail of crumbs dotting the map from everywhere we've left to everywhere we go. And they don't make any pictures when we connect dots. They are random like the stars littering the sky at night.

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience. We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way.
“The robbed one that smiles, steals something from the thief.” ~William Shakespeare, in Othello
If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it round. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and at that time you had better be on speaking terms with it.
The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he's got an abscess on his knee or in his soul.

Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?
“You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” ~Walt Disney

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.

Our Voice

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 14:59:00 +0000

It's not so much what you say, as the manner in which you say it;

It's not so much the language you use, as the tone in which you convey it:

"Come here", I sharply said,& the child cowered & wept;

"Come here", I said, he looked & smiled,& straight to my lap, he crept.

Words may be mild & fair, but the tone may pierce like a dart;

Words may be soft like the summer air, but the tone may break my heart.

For words come from the mind, grow by study & art;

But tone leaps from the inner self, revealing the state of the heart.

Whether you know it or not, whether you mean or care;

Gentleness, kindness, love, hate, envy, anger are there.

Then, wouldn't you quarrel avoid, & let peace & love rejoice?

Keep anger not only out of your words; keep it out of your voice.

3 Words

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 14:43:00 +0000

I AM SORRY - Three words, eight letters, so difficult to say.

They're stuck inside of me, they try and stay away.

But this is too important to let them have their way.

When I said what I said, I was wrong;

Please forgive me, and let’s start anew.

Our relationship means much to me.

I’m so sorry my blunders hurt you.

Though your memory may bring it back up,

Won’t you please try to put it away?

I’ll be tactful and sensitive now;

I’ll think of your needs every day.

Let’s go on with our lives as we were;

I’d take it all back if I could.

Let’s focus on positive things;

What we have is important and good.

There's one sad truth in life I've found

While journeying east and west -

The only folks we really wound

Are those we love the best.

We flatter those we scarcely know,

We please the fleeting guest,

And deal full many a thoughtless blow

To those who love us best.

Poem: If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 20:08:00 +0000

Poem: If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
a wonderfully insightful poem by Diane Loomans

http://www.flickspire.com/m/iaaw/RaiseAgain#.ToB6hACBzyd.gmail

my sentiments to a T, wonder if & when any of us with the same desire will ever be given such a chance.

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing seriously and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power And more about the power of love.
--sent to me by my daughter, who is a mother herself.

My Grandchildren---{ my reason 4 positivity:) :) }

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 18:09:00 +0000

You would call yourself lucky to be blessed once in your lifetime

God has opened his gates to bless me 5 times

All angels with cherubic faces & gleaming eyes

Well aware of ways to take us, elders for a joyride

Smiling and gurgling to get that evasive sweet

Yet making us feel as if they have done us a favor

Their tearful eyes make us squirm

Their cries wrench our hearts

Their smiles light up our lives

Their pranks make us laugh

Ages ranging from a year to 8 years

They lighten the darkest room

So mischievous, yet so innocent

Lavishing love on you

Wrapping you around their fingers

With their hugs and smiles
God gave them to us to remind us

Of his presence in our lives

Through their divinely unconditional love

So I never take them for granted, but always

Thank God for this wonderful blessing of

My grandchildren

Religion--personal or social?

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 21:21:00 +0000

It is a personal issue so long as it doesn’t affect anyone else - if you worship in private and don't try to impose your views on others or persuade them to your religious viewpoint. The moment you involve any other person in any way it becomes a social issue

Religion is such a complex concept with so many variations that it is impossible to label it, However, while it can be a great motivator for people to do good, it shouldn't be their only motive, and it shouldn't be taken to the extreme.

What bothers me is not religion itself, but intolerance. No one has the right to force their beliefs on others or discriminate against someone because of religion. Discussions and healthy debates are fine, you can't change the way others think. Even if you force someone to follow the same religion as you, you've failed, because you cannot make another person believe something they truly do not believe.

We don't just have to read scriptures and blindly believe in them, rather we should look into how maybe some of the teaching of God for whatever particular religion can stand on its own. It's a great way to get people to really stop and think about why they are acting/behaving a certain way and whether they are justified in doing so. Basically, I'm advocating education.& thinking critically about it

The true horror starts when one side believes that theirs is the only God allowed, anywhere, at all. When religious leaders eat in silver and gold plates and the vast majority of their followers eat dirt, something is wrong. I personally believe in God, I just don`t believe in those who claim to represent him/ her and have a claim to speak for them so others are only allowed to listen.

In my opinion, whatever your belief is, you should give your child as much freedom as possible to decide on his own. If you follow a religion, it is okay, but let your child decide, once it has the maturity to decide neutrally, whether it would like to be a part of that religion or not. If you force a child into one belief, you don’t give its mind the possibility to develop in its own way.

Of course, religion provides an idea of certain values and also a community where those values should be prevalent. The truth is however that if you have a functioning family or a circle of friends, a community of loving people around you, you have the support that you need to raise your child with the values that you want. You don’t need religion for that. Leave your child free to decide for himself or herself.

Pearls of Wisdom......or One Liners??????

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 17:47:00 +0000

1. People will forget what you said, they will forget what you did…but people will never forget how you made them feel.
2. Human beings get bored of being children & are in a rush to grow up, & then they long to be children again.
3. They lose their health to make money & then they lose their money to restore their health.
4. By thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
5. They live as if they will never die & they die as if they never lived.

We need to learn that:
1. What is most valuable is not what we have in our lives, but whom we have in our lives.
2. That we cannot make anyone love us. What we can do is to let ourselves be loved.
3. That it is not good to compare ourselves to others. All will be judged individually on their merits, not as a group on a comparison basis.
4. That a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
5. That it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, but it takes many years to heal them.
6. To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness & that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves too.
7. That money can buy everything but happiness.
8. That two people can look at the same thing and see it totally differently.
9. That a true friend is someone who knows everything…..but everything about you…..& likes you anyway.

Isn't it high time we did something about something this important?

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 21:26:00 +0000

As Ralph Waldo Emerson says—“Self-trust is the first secret of success”.

However, no matter what our achievements might be, we think well of ourselves only in rare moments. We need people to bear witness against our inner judge, who keeps count of our shortcomings and transgressions. We need people to convince us that we are not as bad as we think we are.

I've let a lot of things go, but I think the hardest thing to let go is your self-image. That's what I'm working on now, as I realized that it's not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you're not. The most important opinion you have is the one you have of yourself, and the most significant things you say all day are those things you say to yourself.

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time. Listen to your heart above all other voices. When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate.

Also know for a fact that:

* Success is not measured by what you do compared to what others do, it is measured by what you do with the ability God gave you.*

So, don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember-the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you. For their way of thinking is---“It is necessary for me to establish a winners image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody, even if it is just by words.”

Our "self-image" is the key to our personality and behavior. Change your self image and you change your whole personality and behavior.

Unfortunately few realize that at any stage in life—“The greatest single cause of a poor self-image is the absence of unconditional love.”

Why Parents Interfere With Relationships ---meddlesome interference or advise?

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 12:42:00 +0000

Definitions of ‘interference'---the act of hindering or obstructing or impeding activity

that can disturb communication

Definitions of ‘advice’---a proposal for an appropriate course of action to,offer an opinion –a choice put before someone

Parents interfere with relationships for a variety of reasons. In every case, their interference stems from a feeling of entitlement toward the grown child. The parent feels that, by dint of giving birth to and raising their child, they have the right to have some say in their child’s life through adulthood. This is not always a bad thing; many times it stops at mere concern for the grown child’s life and gentle, well-meant advice. Unfortunately, in many cases it goes much further than that. Both parents have the potential for this kind of controlling behavior.

Misplaced concern for a person’s welfare is perhaps the leading cause of parental interference. In many parents minds, their children are still children no matter how old they are. They have spent the better part of the last couple of decades raising their children and advising them in everything, and it’s hard to truly grasp that they are now adults capable of making their own decisions and living with the consequences of those choices. If a parent doesn’t approve of the child’s choice of mate for any reason, they are more likely to try to advise the child out of sheer habit, and often out of a sometimes unconscious belief that they still know what’s best for the kids.

From the outside looking in, no one can get a clear picture of any relationship. Many people are content to confide in their significant other rather than a parent at all times – except when there’s a problem. If there are issues within the relationship, people are more likely to turn to friends or family for advice. Parents are often the natural choice. A person will have had firsthand experience of the kind of relationship his/her parents had and so can see the results of advice given. Many times, parents who have made bad decisions can share with their grown children what they wish they’d done instead. However, seeking advice from parents can have the negative side effect of making them think that there is more bad than good. When there is no problem you don’t confide in them, and when people are perfectly happy they’re much less likely to share it with people outside the relationship than if they’re unhappy.

Some parents see every issue within a relationship as a confirmation that their misgivings about the child’s partner were right. If someone wants to believe something of someone, they are very likely to hang on to the bits of information that support their case and ignore the others. Oftentimes this is not a conscious thing, but it can lead to very meddlesome behavior on the part of a parent who thinks they’re working for their child’s best interest.

On the more dysfunctional side, parents may interfere in a marriage because they themselves are unhappy. For some they’ve never been in a healthy relationship and so are convinced that any relationship their grown child is in will only lead to heartache. They can not accept that their child’s happiness is genuine, and so go looking for what must be wrong.

Another reason for meddling is general unhappiness in the parents own marriage. Parents who have a very clear idea what they want but are not getting it may project their own wants on their children. The result is the constant needling, “Does she do ______ for you?” “Does he give you ______?” and the resultant lectures or disapproval if the answers should be something other than what the parent thinks it should be. Some parents have difficulty accepting that their children are completely different people and their wants, needs, and priorities will be different.

Finally, parents with an empty nest may have extreme difficulties giving up control of their child’s life. While no one truly has control over another, it’s somewhat easier to maintain that illusion when you have the ability to dictate bedtimes, mode of dress, and mete out punishment if the rules are not followed.

This is not to say that all meddling parents are in any way malevolent or desire to see their children unhappy. In most cases, the intent is quite the opposite. However, parents are humans too. They have their emotions and imperfections, and sometimes they allow their intentions to cloud their judgment and get in the way of what they’re trying to do for their children.

Meddlesome parents want to be part of their child's life They desire to know what's going on, who's doing what, when assignments are due, and whom to talk to for every little situation.

So how do you deal with these interfering parents?

Parents who are nosy - asking lots of questions, inquiring about everything you're doing,
wanting to know when and why and how - are just overly concerned parents. So, invite them
to your home.Let the parents know you are open for guests, parent volunteers, and friendly observations. Once you open your door, most overly curious parents will back off because they won't feel as if you have something to hide - even though you never did.

Maintain frequent communication.Parents who impede in your life want to be informed parents. So begin frequent communication with your parents.Once the meddlesome parents understand you want to have open and frequent communication, they'll have reason to leave you to your life.

Invite them for a conference.Open an invitation for a parent/child conference. During the conference discuss your concerns in an open, honest, and heartfelt fashion. Allow the parents to express their concerns and their desires . With amicable communication, your efforts will likely end in positive results.

Reassure parents that you are doing your best .Once you let parents know you too want what's best for your life and theirs,hopefully they'll become complaisant and let you alone.You need to sit down with them and tell them how you feel. How it makes you feel undermined etc.

An eminent relationship counsellor, advises parents & in-laws to be supportive without intervening in the situation.

The situation is definitely made worse when they intervene," she says. "When in-laws get in on the act, the new member in the family will probably feel as if they are being ganged up upon, and feel alienated. Their child is put under enormous pressure as they have to start thinking about where their loyalties lie - with their parent or their partner.

"One of the most difficult parts of being a parent is to let your children move away from you and let them learn from their mistakes," she says. "Parents need to be there to listen and to offer their support, not to tell the kids what to do and not to get entangled in the problem itself."

She says that a parent's willingness to offer their opinion, with only their children's interests at heart, may backfire on them.

"If the couple work out their problems, they could turn against you because they think you were taking sides, or your child could turn on you in the future, full of resentment, because they think they could have made their marriage work."

She recommends offering active support, such as looking after the grandchildren so that the couple can talk things over, generally helping out with practical tasks to take some of the burden off or just lending a listening ear without making any judgments.

"At the end of the day," she adds "Parents can help out all they like but the couple has to sort their marriage out by themselves. You don't want a situation where they turn around in anger and deny you access to the grandchildren."

“Respect is a key ingredient if any relationship is to work, but it is particularly important if intergenerational relationships are to flourish. Often, different generations do not have the things in common that contemporaries do; respect is sometimes all that there is left to build a relationship on.

If there is no sign of your partner's parents showing you any respect then you are within your rights to ask for it. Arrange a time when you can sit down with your partner and their parents and have a sensible conversation. Explain to them that they do not have to like you but, if they love their child, your partner, then they owe it to them to show you some respect.

Remember though, when having the type of conversation described above, that you do not drive a wedge between your partner and their parents/your parents. At the same time, if your partner's parents are not willing to treat you with respect, it is reasonable to expect your partner to be on your side.

Lastly, always bear in mind that some parents are impossible to please. They will always see the generation that succeeds them as somehow deficient and not worthy of their respect. If your partner's parents/your parents are cut from this cloth then the simplest thing to do is to consider them irrelevant and not allow them to poison your relationship.”--- I think that sums up what all of us have at some time or the other had to undergo—either as a parent ,a child or as a partner in marriage.

IT BOILS DOWN TO EACH INDIVIDUAL’S NEED TO FEEL WANTED AND LOVED ESPECIALLY BY THEIR LOVED ONES.

Ban that negativity!----eye opener article in the Times

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 04:53:00 +0000

Those with whom we assemble,we soon resemble!
Remember this simple saying when it comes to having negative people in your life.

Don’t let toxic people affect your well-being

The company you keep is very important, especially for your well-being. Several times, we get stuck with people who bring us down with their negativity, unnecessary nagging, constant whining and pessimistic nature. And before you know it, this negativity starts getting to you, making you irritable, impatient and cranky. Make sure you first realise if they are that way just with you or everyone around them before doing something about it. Keep an eye out for these types...

People who live in the past: Some people refuse to let go of the past. While it is okay to look back on memories, some people tend to keep bringing up painful events. They thrive on the anger and bitterness associated with those events and bring you down.
Solution: Excuse yourself when they bring up the subject or tell them that you don’t wish to talk about it anymore.

Ones who wallow in self pity: There is nothing more exasperating than people who feel that the world’s burden is on their shoulders. Instead of finding solutions to their problems, these people keep wallowing in self pity because they choose not to see another way out.
Solution: Offer help and if they still don’t want to change, stay away.

Hypocrites: There can be nothing more putting off than people who say something and do something else. Some friends can be sickly sweet on someone’s face and gossip about them the minute they turn their back.
Solution: If you find this happening repeatedly, watch your back. If they could do it to others, they could do the same to you.

Cribbers: Whiners and cribbers like to go on incessantly about everything negative in their lives.
Solution: Help them see the positive side of things and if they don’t, don’t let their negativity affect you at all.

Mud slingers: These malevolent souls like to make themselves feel better by pulling others down. They enjoy criticising and judging you even though you consider them as friends. They also tend to blame you without reason for what happens in their life.
Solution: Such people behave in this manner because they are insecure. Be patient with them but if they don’t change, it’s time to bid adieu.

Wash dirty linen in public: Some individuals like to inform the whole world about their scandals and fights and involve as many people as possible in their macabre debates. While it is one thing to hear them, it can get rather ugly if they start affecting you.
Solution: Stay away!

Over analysers: They are frustrated with their lives and want to vent it out on the people around them. They presume and jump to irrational conclusions.
Solution: If someone you know is making a big deal out of everything, tell them that it bothers you.

Interfering people: These busybodies like to keep a thorough tab on what’s going on in everybody’s lives except their own. They butt in when they aren’t needed and can even cause fights between people.
Solution: Be wary around such people and careful about what you say in front of them.

Who do I listen to my Heart or my Head??

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 11:45:00 +0000

Should you always listen to your heart or your head? When it comes to relationships, is it enough to follow your heart or is it better to be more practical? The romance novels, fairy tales and chick flicks have told us time and again to always follow our hearts. But there are also people who tell us to be more practical as well. So is it better to listen to your heart or to your head?

"A good heart is better than all the heads in the world."— Robert Bulwer-Lytton
When you fall in love, you feel your heart flutter, beat loudly or leap for joy; when you're rejected, your heart breaks. You are called heartless or cold-hearted when you show no care or love...and big-hearted when you extend your concern to others. You "take things to heart" or "talk heart-to-heart" about deeply personal issues. You love someone "from the bottom of your heart" but are half-hearted about something when you're emotionally uninvolved. You experience your heart as the center of your feelings, as seen on Valentine's Day when love-filled hearts abound. You know this instinctively, as you always physically point to your heart when you say "I" or want to express your deeper feelings.

Heart

It does sound overly romantic to listen to what your heart tells you and to do as it says. Emotions, after all, are just as powerful as our instincts and sometimes, they do have their way of steering us to the right direction. So yes, listening to the heart and following your emotions is good. The problem comes up when you always rely on it to give you the answers that you need.

Emotions are almost always driven by what we want. People see what they want to see, hear what they want to hear and feel what they want to feel. When you rely solely on your heart when it comes to relationships, you are also more vulnerable to making wrong decisions so you end up falling for the wrong guys.:)

Yet your heart is so much more than a vessel for romance. It has been described as the king, with the mind as the king's adviser. When faced with a decision, the king may ask his advisers for advice, may even send him out into the world to gather information, but ultimately it is the king that makes the final decision. Even though the advisers do not always agree with the king's decision, the king is invariably right, because the king's view not only sees the bigger picture but is also aware of the needs of others.

Head

In the same way, when faced with a decision or conflict, your mind may come up with numerous, different and quite logical reasons why you should act as it advises, but if you listen to and trust your heart—however illogical or irrational it may seem—it is usually right and you are happier as a result.
There is great brilliance and beauty inherent within the mind, because it is capable of understanding the most intricate scientific and mathematical theories and can make complicated corporate decisions. Yet the same mind can get caught up in trivia and nonsense, becoming upset or even unglued over a seemingly harmless remark. It runs your life, pushing and pulling you in all directions, from attraction to repulsion, creating endless dramas in acting out your insecurities and fears, because it is not in touch with your deeper feelings.
Living inside your head all the time is actually not much fun!
In reality, it wouldn't hurt to think things through before you make decisions. They did say that the reason why your brain is placed above your heart is because you need to use it first before you let emotions get the best of you. When it comes to the choice to listen to your heart or your head, the head is a popular choice because it controls your judgement and your ability to distinguish a good guy from someone who will just string you along.

But over-contemplation can lead to impatience. And rationalizing over every single thing takes away the fun from dating. True, you should make decisions with your brain as an active participant but don't forget what your heart tells you as well.

Both

Man was made with both a heart and a mind so it would seem a waste if you're not going to use both. So if it's a choice of whether to listen to your heart or your head, the answer is that you listen to both. Go with what your brain tells you when it comes to determining what characteristics would make a guy become a suitable candidate. Once you've found him, have fun and let your emotions take the lead.

While the mind is the content of who you are, your heart is your essence. Your true heart is not subject to chaos or limited by pain, fear and neuroses, but is joyful, creative and loving. Some believe the heart can be too uncertain and even misguided, but that is the head talking! It is actually a source of great richness, and this wealth is one that cannot be squandered or lost. It is the core, the essence of your being, a reservoir of joy, powerful love and infinite compassion that lies within you.

Your heart is more than your body's most important organ—it's also the essence of your spiritual and emotional being. At times listening to your heart is much more valuable than always making decisions with just your head.

Contradictory Proverbs

noreply@blogger.com (My musings) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 12:01:00 +0000

I came across this list and I decided to save and share it,I don't blame humans for being a confused lot after this:-:)

1  Look before you leap
He who hesitates is lost

2  If at first you don't succeed, try, try again
Don't beat your head against a brick wall

3 Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Out of sight, out of mind

4 Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today
Don't cross the bridge until you come to it

5 Two heads are better than one
Paddle your own canoe

6 More haste less speed
Time waits for no man

7  You're never too old to learn
You can't teach an old dog new tricks

8  A word to the wise is sufficient
Talk is cheap

9  It's better to be safe than sorry
Nothing ventured, nothing gained

10  Don't look a gift horse in the mouth
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts

11 Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
Nice guys finish last

12 Hitch your wagon to a star
Don't bite off more than you can chew

13  Many hands make light work
Too many cooks spoil the broth

14  Don't judge a book by its cover
Clothes make the man

15  The squeaking wheel gets the grease
Silence is golden

16  Birds of a feather flock together
Opposites attract

17 The pen is mightier than the sword
Actions speak louder than words

18 Haste makes waste.
He who hesitates is lost

19 Birds of a feather flock together
Opposites attract

20 Quit while you're ahead
Winners never quit

21 Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.

22 If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Don't beat your head against a stone wall.

23 Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.

24 Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
Don't cross the bridge till you come to it.

25 Two heads are better than one.
Paddle your own canoe.

26 Haste makes waste.
Time waits for no man.

27 You're never too old to learn.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

28A word to the wise is sufficient.
Talk is cheap.

29 It's better to be safe than sorry.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

30 Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

31 Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
Nice guys finish last.

32 Hitch your wagon to a star.
Don't bite off more than you can chew.

33 Many hands make light work.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.

34 Don't judge a book by its cover.
Clothes make the man.

35The squeaking wheel gets the grease.
Silence is golden.

36Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.

37 If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Don't beat your head against a stone wall.

38 Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.

39 Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
Don't cross the bridge until you come to it.

40 Two heads are better than one.
Paddle your own canoe.

41 Haste makes waste.
Time waits for no man.

42 You're never too old to learn.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

43 A word to the wise is sufficient.
Talk is cheap.

44 It's better to be safe than sorry.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

45 Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
Nice guys finish last.

46 Hitch your wagon to a star.
Don't bite off more that you can chew.

47 Don't judge a book by its cover.
Clothes make the man.

48 The squeaking wheel gets the grease.
Silence is golden.

49 Birds of a feather flock together.
Opposites attract.

50 Winners never quit.
Quit while you're ahead.

51 Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

52 Actions speak louder than words.
The pen is mightier than the sword.

53 Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.

54 Many hands make light work.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.

55 Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Better safe than sorry.

56 The bigger, the better.
The best things come in small packages.

57 What will be, will be.
Life is what you make it.

58 Cross your bridges when you come to them.
Forewarned is forearmed.

59 What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
One man's meat is another man's poison.

60 With age comes wisdom.
Out of the mouths of babes come all wise sayings.

61 The more, the merrier.
Two's company; three's a crowd.

62 Seek and ye shall find.
Curiosity killed the cat.

63 Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

64 Slow and steady wins the race.
Time waits for no man.

65 The best things in life are free.
There's no such thing as a free lunch.

66 A penny saved is a penny earned.
Penny wise, pound foolish.

67 A rolling stone gathers no moss.
Stop and smell the roses.

68 Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

69 With age comes wisdom.
Out of the mouth of babes come all wise sayings.

70 You're never too old to learn
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

71 Familiarity breeds contempt
Better the devil you know

72Great minds think alike
  Idiots seldom differ