tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022Sat, 04 Dec 2021 18:19:38 +0000Semi-True Storiesfood I didn't cooktravelbeing a Manrestaurant reviewAwesome People I've EncounteredRecipesThe Onion tributesTotal Douchebags I've EncounteredWGA Strikeblogging itselfcelebrity encounterscoffeehomeless peopleinternet suckspresidential politicsrestaurant cagematchQuotent Quotables from Kevin Oeser.http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Kevin)Blogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-8099737370394279474Mon, 08 Jun 2009 00:21:00 +00002009-06-07T17:27:12.639-07:00restaurant cagematchrestaurant reviewI know it’s rare of me to blog about steak two blogs in a row, but fuck you. You don’t want to read my blog, have fun finding another blog on the internet.Wait… what? No, please stay. I’ll pay you.A new blog feature! It’s Restaurant Cagematch, where two dining establishments that purport to serve the same thing square off in a three round grudge match, no holds barred. Today’s epic showdown is http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2009/06/restaurant-cagematch-episode-1-giants.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-5439023124549409114Sun, 26 Apr 2009 00:54:00 +00002009-04-25T22:39:03.820-07:00being a Manfood I didn't cookrestaurant reviewI look forward to having children. Well, one child. A son.I should rephrase. I look forward to having a son. Well, a cool son. He should be smart, good-looking, and be able to peel the paint off a wall with well-timed putdowns. He should also appreciate a fine steak.I should rephrase. I look forward to having a son who is just like me, only with a darker skin tone and way more muscles. He should http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2009/04/past-present-and-future-of-steak-review.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-96138051125929565Fri, 27 Mar 2009 02:12:00 +00002009-03-29T23:14:47.805-07:00celebrity encountersfood I didn't cookSemi-True StoriesI’ve had a fair amount of encounters with celebrities that people don’t often think about. I bumped into Jeff Garlin in a Las Vegas hallway once and he screamed at me but then smiled and patted my back. I’ll bet you haven’t thought about Jeff Garlin in a while. And, unless you’re some sort of fucked-up weirdo, you probably haven’t thought about Wally Amos in a while. In fact, I’ll bet cock-shots http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2009/03/for-amos-i-am-eternally-thankful.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-4245993249561942286Sun, 15 Feb 2009 23:16:00 +00002009-05-14T01:29:05.931-07:00Awesome People I've EncounteredSemi-True StoriesDo you ever come across someone in life who is so kind and thoughtful as to make you look inward upon yourself and cry a little, cry for the scores of people you have shit on just for the pleasure of shitting? The type of person who you must assume was a Messenger sent by God Herself to drop the hint that what you’re doing with your life is inconsequential to everyone, especially the orphans? http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-do-believe-in-spooks.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-7337195692640967274Wed, 17 Dec 2008 14:21:00 +00002009-07-28T19:34:39.296-07:00Total Douchebags I've EncounteredtravelI hate flying. Not because I am afraid of crashing, no. As a matter of fact, I think dying on a crashed airplane will be featured in my upcoming Top Ten Ways to Go blog, along with “Heart Attack Brought on by Massive Orgasm” and “Jumping off Empire State Building While Guns N Roses’ Civil War Plays from World-Class Sound System.”I hate flying because I always sit next to douchebags. On one flighthttp://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2008/12/things-man-will-see-in-coach.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-7454389049231254458Sat, 06 Dec 2008 09:04:00 +00002009-05-14T01:27:45.027-07:00Awesome People I've Encounteredfood I didn't cookSemi-True StoriestravelMy recent trip to Japan made me think about many things. One of them is I would like to start cataloguing my favorite people. Not my friends or family, who are special to me in ways that even my own flowing prose will never describe, but those people with whom I experience the briefest of encounters, although certainly long enough to pass a judgment. I’ll kick off this new thing of mine with two http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2008/12/these-are-two-of-my-favorite-people.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-6676144436416960506Tue, 02 Dec 2008 02:23:00 +00002009-04-25T18:07:56.461-07:00food I didn't cookrestaurant reviewtravelDouchebags long before me have rather loudly noted that certain things, although available all over the world, taste better in their countries of origin. Stuff White People Like agrees, which makes it true. Peroni "tastes better" in Italy, Lindt chocolate "tastes better" in Switzerland, and sushi "tastes better" in Japan. The thing is, sushi really is better in Japan. And it’s more fun.On a http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2008/12/cuttin-tuna-drinkin-beer-and-eatin.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-2904541592438930312Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:23:00 +00002008-11-04T12:35:05.302-08:00food I didn't cookSemi-True StoriesI recently made a pilgrimage to New York City to see some old friends but, more importantly, to take in a few meals in the American capital of fine dining. It’s a well-known fact that a Quizno’s chicken carbonara is about a thousand times better in New York than LA, and I wanted to taste that fact in the flesh.HA! Lies. Anyone who eats at a chain restaurant while traveling isn’t worth the paper http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2008/11/gourmet-meal-with-gourmet-douche.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-6501564779378774150Fri, 29 Aug 2008 02:17:00 +00002008-08-30T19:43:38.038-07:00internet suckspresidential politicsSemi-True StoriesFrom the CNN homepage today. Always some of the most surprising, insightful reporting you can find on the internet. In other breaking news, water is wet, I'm hilarious, and CNN blows goats.Here's a real headline for you: I went all day with my boxer shorts on backwards today. I didn't discover this fact until I went into the bathroom at work and spent a solid thirty seconds fumbling for my junk http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2008/08/sometimes-headline-says-it-all.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-8573082683595354566Wed, 18 Jun 2008 05:34:00 +00002008-08-28T18:04:51.245-07:00blogging itselfcoffeeSemi-True StoriesI’m at my usual table off in the corner near the milk at the coffee shop nearest my apartment. It occurred to me today while watching a team of paramedics wheel a man away from the tables in front of the shop that this is the second time I have seen someone leave this place in an ambulance-bound wheelchair.This particular emergency situation involves a morbidly obese man who appears to be not in http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2008/06/obesity-boglins-and-land-down-undah-why.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-4584012351913318636Mon, 11 Feb 2008 07:17:00 +00002008-09-01T10:28:05.144-07:00RecipesSemi-True StoriesYou may notice that I am a little light on my hyberbolic excess in this blog, and you’d be correct in doing so. You see, I sustained a SERIOUS INJURY during the Super Bowl that forces me to type a little more slowly than my usual billion words per minute. The story is as follows:I had been preparing my well-admired buffalo wings for my gracious hosts and doting friends during the football game, http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2008/02/squeezed-and-pulled-and-hurt-my-neck.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-5615347860612070923Wed, 09 Jan 2008 08:14:00 +00002008-08-27T15:16:24.896-07:00The Onion tributesWGA StrikeMILWAUKEE – In a move sure to send shock waves through the United States economy, aligned members of the Union of Smelting Professionals (USP) have voted unanimously to go on strike when their contract with the Metal Product Producers’ Association (MPPA) expires at midnight tonight, unless the MPPA can provide fair terms for residual payment for recycled metals.USP national spokesman Ron Chambershttp://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2008/01/smelters-union-strikes-demands.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-7690779099367764059Sun, 23 Dec 2007 02:35:00 +00002008-08-28T18:04:51.247-07:00Semi-True StoriesIt’s always a delicate business popping a zit in a public bathroom. It’s a task that requires as much tact as it does manual dexterity. But it’s one of those things that, like shitting, has to happen somewhere or another. Better to do it in the sanitary confines of a regularly maintained restroom than, say, your car at a stop sign, right?WRONG.I was in a Wendy’s the other night for some fucking http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2007/12/my-own-sort-of-larry-craig-story.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-8856448539605482224Wed, 15 Aug 2007 05:06:00 +00002008-08-28T18:04:51.249-07:00Semi-True StoriesMost people, and I discount the wealthy, the lazy, and the incompetent from this statement, have worked at some place for more than a few months. Working somewhere is like having a family; no matter how ordinary your co-workers are, you will inevitably learn enough about them to qualify them as “wacky.” Everyone has hilarious quirks that only take time to discover.I am thinking today of the http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2007/08/my-high-school-job-was-wayyyyy-wackier.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-6755851527754300476Fri, 03 Aug 2007 17:31:00 +00002008-08-28T18:04:51.252-07:00being a Manfood I didn't cookSemi-True StoriesSometimes, finding that one perfect hard-to-find gift for your special lady friend can be worth far more than what it cost. It becomes a get out of jail free card, good for the next time you come home with lipstick on your collar or poop on your johnson. It can be better-received than five thousand roses being presented by her long lost sister who rides in on a float made of the skulls of her http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2007/08/beat-this-make-wish-foundation.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-5646641855833694Sat, 21 Jul 2007 01:12:00 +00002013-02-10T14:49:13.798-08:00homeless peopleSemi-True StoriestravelAh… San Francisco. We Californians, we Voters of Kerry, we Eaters of Sushi, we Fuckers of Naïve Production Assistants, we have the advantage over the rest of the world in that we live near one of the finest urban centers in the world. San Francisco, The City to its overconfident and wealthy inhabitants who think that parking on hills is a test of manhood. It’s a town synonymous with culture, http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2007/07/tragic-missed-connection-in-city-of.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831104871338115022.post-5541054449027052784Wed, 11 Jul 2007 17:09:00 +00002008-08-27T15:19:37.638-07:00being a ManYou might not know it to look at me, but I am a whiskey snob. Come to think of it, it’s unlikely that even those who have known me for years will think of me as a whiskey snob, but alas, I am. But you will not find my house full of bottles and barrels and pictures of windy cliffs and rustic stills. I couldn’t tell you what “mash” means. I don’t know the functional difference between whiskey and http://kevinoeser.blogspot.com/2007/07/how-to-properly-enjoy-whiskey.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kevin)5