My Online Dating Diary

Reasons Not to Date

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Tue, 04 Oct 2016 17:53:00 +0000

Still not sure what is pleasant about this profile picture. Possibly that I'm a bit of an educated (see the book) slob - and who was in the bathroom with him anyway?

Other candidate ...

"I could be a professional comic. People find me very funny." and a little later "I'm a Trump supporter."

I didn't know whether or not the Trump supporter statement was supposed to be a joke or not. Turns out it wasn't (and I don't think you should joke about being a Trump supporter either). Turned out that he still persisted after being told that I don't date Trump supporters, which made me think that he was in good company with the other supporters in refusing to accept facts at their face value.

Date Idea's - Ice Skating

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Sun, 14 Sep 2014 18:49:00 +0000

Dinner and a movie is common and forgettable if you're trying to make a good impression. On average women like a man who comes across as interesting and I suspect that the same applies to men. But we are talking about a first 'date' and there is a lot at stake. How do you make a good first impression without risking it all - he/she may not meet with expectations and you don't want to be stuck with a big bill for a failed evening. In addition there is physiology... Certain hormones can make you more attractive - so how do we induce those hormones?

My suggestion... Ice skating. Unless either of you has a physical impediment or (most likely she) really, really doesn't like physical activity it is a great idea. If one of you is an expert then they can teach the other. If neither if you know how to skate then you can learn together. Physical contact is part of the experience (holding hands) but is non sexual so is "allowable". Generally there are other people around and the location is safe. Falling is considered part of learning and also an excuse for more physical contact. The exercise promotes the generation of endorphins which enhances the feeling of pleasure and you'll have something to discuss over coffee / dinner / drinks later and possibly a great story to tell at your wedding about your first date :)

I Know Why You're Single

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 14:16:00 +0000

It is said that the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different result. It is likely that most people in the online dating arena have 'failed' to find a match and are now casting their nets in the online world in the hopes of finding someone there. As a girl reading men's profiles all I can say is "I know why you're single". Men and Women are fundamentally different and have different needs and wants in a mate, yet I mostly see profiles that would appeal to other men - rather than the women they hope to attract.

What (this) Woman Want(s)

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 06:07:00 +0000

"What DO women want" is a constant refrain that you hear from men (and other women) and I thought I'd give my own views on the matter to help men navigate the minefield that is cross gender relationships. Please note that I am basing these points on ME and as we are all individuals they are likely to differ somewhat in specifics.

1. Just To be Listened To

Situation: I was frustrated that I couldn't get IT support to fix something immediately on my computer so I went to my male colleague to vent. He went into problem-solving-mode and was giving me more and more options as to how to get IT support to fix my computer more quickly, but I wasn't interested in any of them.

After about 5-7 minutes of him and I going back and forward in this manner I finally twigged what was wrong ... I wanted sympathy and he was giving me a solution (to a problem that was on its way to being solved). At which point I broke off and pointed out what we were doing and we both had a good laugh.

The twist in the tail to this story is that a couple of years later I had a male friend call me for sympathy and I was having none of it, suggesting that killing things on his PS3 will make him feel better!

2. Its the Little Things that Matter

Situation: You've had a fight over who gets to take the rubbish out and you want to say sorry (for the fight - we're not assigning guilt / innocence here) and bring her some flowers or take her out to dinner.

Wrong move. The trigger to her emotion (full rubbish bin) is still there festering in the back of her brain. Just taking the rubbish out is about the only thing that is going to solve this problem. The media constantly bombards us with the image that women love big romantic gestures. Funny, but this isn't true. Its the little things like washing the dishes without being asked or cooking dinner (assuming you don't destroy the kitchen in the process) - something that makes her life a little easier - that will bring the BIG rewards.

3. Be a Man

This clip is pretty harsh and I'll be the first to admit that these days its increasingly difficult for men to be men. I own my own powertools and actually KNOW how to use them. A number of men are threatened by me because of this. In addition there is enormous pressure for men to get in touch with their sensitive side. In my mind this is completely overdone and every girl - no matter how much she denies it - is looking for her knight in shining armour to recscue her from her situation and sweep her off her feet. The fact that I know how to use my powertools doesn't mean that I don't like it when a man does the work for me. In fact, I love it! Be brave, be prepared to fail and your woman will stand by you and love you unconditionally whatever happens.

So here are my thoughts into what women want, but as a woman I maintain my god-given right to change my mind at any time (sorry men - you are screwed!), but I hope that next time you find that you're in an argument with the opposite sex that is not going anywhere you'll have an eureka moment and realise that each are talking at different levels (and I'm talking to both men and women on this one) and be able to laugh and diffuse the situation.

Crappy Experience from Its Just Lunch Singapore

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 12:57:00 +0000

I recently approached a dating agency - Its Just Lunch Singapore - about their services. I saw an ad on the web and thought “why not – I’m looking to meet people and increase my social circle – lets see what they can do for me”, so I completed the contact form and went on my merry way. They contacted me the next day and the first thing they asked me was how I found out about the service – information that I’d already given them on the contact form – which they repeated by asking AGAIN if the web was my only source. They then asked a couple personal questions, told me how the service worked, the cost and we agreed to meet the next day for an interview where they would find out more about me and my requirements, which was fine – although the interview time didn’t suit me that well.

I’d been having 2nd thoughts about engaging them, but went to their offices anyway to hear what they had to say. I was led into a room, asked to fill out a clipboard of questions (most of which I’d already answered in my initial contact and the conversation the day before) and offered tea or coffee. When the tea arrived it was in a polystyrene cup and it was herbal. It felt cheap (unlike their fee) and nasty. While I was waiting for the consultant I read the contract which was on a clipboard next to me, only to find that they contravened local regulations on pricing. That got me thinking – did I want to deal with people that were obviously more concerned about themselves (questions focused how I found them, unclear pricing policies, cheap beverages) than me? The consultant still hadn’t arrived so I decided to leave taking with me the questionnaire that I had completed. About 30mins later I received a call from the consultant asking what happened to me – and I told her that I was there, but I decided on the balance that I didn’t want their services. An hour after that I received a phone call saying that I’d taken their “private property”, namely the questionnaire that asked my basic details and preferences in a partner (which was even more basic than an on-line dating questionnaire) and demanding that I return it immediately. It was at that point that they crossed the line from ‘I had a bad service experience’ to ‘I had a BAD SERVICE EXPERIENCE’. The following morning I received an ultimatum from them – return the questionnaire OR ELSE. In all honesty – the reason I took the piece of paper was because I had already completed it and I didn’t want them to have the information about me. Had I not heard from them again I would probably have thrown it away and laughed at the experience. Now I’m writing a blog and telling the world about it. When I spoke to the consultant I asked her why the piece of paper was SO important. Surely the MORE important thing was why I felt the need to get up and leave before I’d met anyone? What was it about their service that made me do that? But no – she just wanted her piece of paper back.

Profiles - Reading a Book by its Cover

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Sun, 23 May 2010 12:50:00 +0000

Sometimes it surprises me what people put in their profiles. I've found "Filthypuppydog" and "Smokesalot". Not sure what type of response they're expecting - or what they're getting for that manner.

With very little information to go on - it is important that what is in your profile makes a good impression - and grabs the reader, making them want to know more. There is a time for honesty - but not right up front. I came across this profile today:
"Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life"

I don't think he needs to be on a dating site - rather he needs professional help, which I sincerely hope he gets.

Always the Bridesmaid?

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 14:11:00 +0000

I had been corresponding with a guy for a couple of weeks. He made me laugh and was able to hold his own up in the conversation (even though it was only electronic). There was no push to move the connection to a more physical medium (phone or meeting) and I wondered about this, but I was letting him set the pace. I received his reply this morning - after waiting for more than a week - he has met someone and is focusing on that person. I admire him all the more for letting me know why he was no longer in contact and also for being "faithful" and not "playing the field". I don't know if there is anything that I should've done differently - but I am a fatalist at heart. Guess he just wasn't that into me :(

I have only being doing this for a month. It would be awesome if it worked, but I need to be paitent and positive. It will happen.

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A Coffee, But That Was It

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 14:17:00 +0000

So, after a couple of emails back and forth it was finally time to meet. We agreed on coffee (and I had to put it off a week because of my schedule). The meet happened as arranged - he got a bit lost and was late, but given we'd exchanged mobile numbers this wasn't a biggie. I was meeting the guy who contacted me before I'd even put my profile up and I did have my reservations as I wasn't really sure of what we would have in common. I am trying not to be too limiting in terms of the people that I connect with which was the reason for giving it a go. In his profile he comes across as a person who stays at home waiting for the world to come to him, but he contacted me without any incentive to do so which I thought meant that he had some gumption, but it wasn't meant to be. The conversation was stilted and I was floundering around trying to find something of interest to both of us. He prefers reading about other people's lives, rather than experiencing it himself - something that I just don't connect with. There was just nothing there.

I'm not disappointed and this is still early days... Here's holding thumbs.

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I Couldn't Say It Better

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 13:14:00 +0000

Not Pretty Enough - A Song by Kasey Chambers

One of the constant theme's in my dating life so far has been that I am "the other woman" and while I WILL NOT get involved with someone who is in another relationship, I wonder why it is that I am always the 2nd choice. It would be nice to be first choice sometime. It seems that the only time that I'm first choice is where I don't like the guy in a romantic way (and yes, I see the irony).

The song is worth listening to, but I'm including the lyrics as well:

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don’t I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
I live
I breathe
I let it rain on me
I sleep
I wake
I try hard not to break
I crave
I love
I’ve waited long enough
I try as hard as I can
chorus
I laugh
I feel
I make believe it’s real
I fall
I freeze
I pray down on my knees
I hope
I stand,
I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can
chorus
why do you see
why do you see
why do you see right through me
….
We’re all pretty enough.
And we all try as hard as we can.
I see you.
Let someone know that they are not invisible.

How Does This Selection Thing Work?

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 01:13:00 +0000

In doing this I’m trying to be relatively flexible about who I get to meet and have only put down 2 “very important criteria”. The person MUST NOT smoke and they must not just be separated. So why is it that my “recommended matches” contain people who have these items in their profiles? In addition, the ages are usually at the younger end of my requested bracket and very rarely older. Not really impressed with their “selection ability” and wondering if this is actually worth the effort that I’m having to put in to find people to connect with.

And then we have the grammar police on my profile updates. I have had minor changes to my heading rejected because they do not comply with the systems grammar rules. Why then do I see profiles written in text short hand singlish all over the place. As the ability to write proper English is important to me I ignore those profiles out of hand (I see the free text box as the cover of the book (ie person). Yes, I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but as I have so little other information available and connecting takes time and energy, I’d rather wait for them to take the first move).

I’ve heard back from the guy who originally emailed me. In short he wrote to me because I am white and therefore likely pretty (I didn’t have a picture up at that stage) and have a degree. He is being really open minded – but I’m still a bit hesitant on the cross cultural relationship thing, especially white female, Asian male scenario (the other way around is VERY common – I’ll have to write a post on my take on this phenomena sometime.

Bit disappointed as I haven’t received any more messages from those people I’d contacted. Guess I’ll just have to try some more…

After a Good Start...

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 13:27:00 +0000

Hey - Someone Winked At Me ;) Awesome! And then another... But then oops - one is 54 (nearly 20 years older then me) and the other lives in India (and I don't). Seriously - can't they read? I am looking for someone that lives nearby (if I wanted a long distance relationship I'd probably contact a couple of guys I already know).

I heard back from the guy who contacted me and he appreciated the work I'd put in my profile. He sounds interesting. I sent a couple of emails to people who's profiles I liked and winked at some others. Lets see what happens...

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The First Contact - Before I'd Even Started!

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 14:31:00 +0000

"Jane10 someone sent you a mail" popped up in my inbox - mm, strange I thought I've done nothing with my profile - no picture and a description box that says "I need to write 200 characters to get the answers to the test, hopefully now I've met the 200 characters". Oh well, it was a good impetus to go to the site and update my profile.
And I did. Completing the tick box and personal information was easy, but there was more to come... The free form text. How do I complete this so that communicates the essence of me and who I am and makes people want to contact me. Still not sure I've managed it... And then a picture... I have been growing my hair and it is now lovely and long - BUT I don't have many pictures of me with long hair. Fortunately I found one, although the lighting wasn't that good - but it works.
The person who contacted me looked interesting enough (and I was curious as to why he'd contacted me with so little information available) so I responded. Hopefully this was a sign of good things to come!