my past. my ME then...

PAIN in LOVING

2010-02-09T19:21:00.000-08:00

pain

Its in my loving I have this pain;

But ill endure it no matter how the wind howls on my soul.

Inspite my tears I manage to sing a song with smile on my lips;

Inspite sleepless night and endless nightmares,

I wake up smiling knowing ill have you as I open my eyes;

I playfully handle things, thinking it would end smoothly

That at the end of my day, ill still come home with peace in me

That ill forget what had happened but learned from what cuts me;

But since I have eros and his potion in my blood,

I honestly forget whats needed tobe done,

I forget I needed to learn, now its just my love that grows…in me.

Not me.

I covered myself with guilt but my love for you melts it on my skin.

All I could say is that I love you. I love you.

I love you for your insensitivity, for your coldness, for your

Forgetfulness that I exist.

I love you no matter how hard it is to love you.

Its in this pain I exist and have my identity in you.

Its in this pain I live;

For I know It would be my hypocrisy that might exists if I tell you I can love with out it.

DILEMMA

2010-02-09T19:08:00.000-08:00

will i or will i not?

can i or can not?

potah!

napakakomplikado,,, lahat nmn ng tao gusto maging masaya, hindi dw ata ako ksali dun……?! ah baka…

jade >jadee think. its a decision uve made.

jadee >and i told you im gonna stick to it even if it would break me.

dilemma? does he want me to stay?… can i skip the bday thing like its not gonna happen? can i jst forget and just… just….

arayyyy…… my mind cant spin anymore and so my heart compensates by beating harder and faster,, i can feel d pain and its all i can percieve ryt now.

im ok,,, im ok,,, = mind setting…INEFFECTIVE

JUNE '07

got everythin alright

2010-02-09T06:53:00.000-08:00

i was confused, dont know wat to do

all i can grab are my own same hands

i felt weak, that was my weakest.

i decide not knowing wer it myt lead

it was foretold iwill fail, but i aim not to.

so i stand, with all that i have.

no choice but to trust my palms.

its ok, everythings gonna be alright.

i know it will, there myt be wounds that would never heal. but well, i know how to conceal.

i am a free soul, i hold my breathe coz its my own. no need to bother now, i can handle it. trust me. i will handle it. coz wen everyone tried to stoop on me, i can feel their heel burrying me but i can taste the soil of my growth…

its ok, everythings gonna be alright

*=)*

infinite happiness

2010-02-09T06:50:00.000-08:00

infinity with happiness

… love

… sacrife

… tears and sadness

… smile and laughters

… trust

… security

… understanding

and with the infinite line of love and life.

im sharing my life, decisions, my heart with somebody who made me feel i could be a real “somebody”. along the way faults have been done, i felt less but he always know my weakness HIM, he uses my weakness for me to believe in my strength, HIM. =D

im a person who forgets—never. i forgive but i never forget..(haha) im sweet, sweeter then someone, anything you could imagine, but bitter —bitter sweet when jealous. yes, i laugh and smile alot nut i cry and cry… like a child maybe. and maybe thats why even im (a year) older he calls me ‘baby’. im fine but im harsh. im friendly but im a warfreak…

im extreme, but im accepted. no need for others, coz i got him..

woohoooo..=D

defining sadness

2010-02-09T06:49:00.000-08:00

define sadness…

my sadness?

its when i look something to do fo me not to feel that something’s eating me inside. haha

its when i just dont feel like doin anything.

its when you look for that someone but u cud never find.

its when you wake up, but just want to sleep again to let the days pass by until you get over the pain. but then ure afraid to sleep again.. coz you keep seeing him in ur dreams.him waiting for a girl.his fon full of girls name.

its when you cant smile anymore. the true smile your lips make.

its when you smile at yourself thinking of silly things you do w him.

its when he doesnt know your hurting.

its when you realize… thats all you are to him.

its when youre sick. inside and out. you like being sick to lose weight, but you wnt to get well coz the more you get sick, the more you feel theres no one taking care of you.

its when you have so many questions. you have answers but its biased. your answer stays in favor of him, for you to not hate him. (is that biased to him or to me?? hehe)

its when you pretend you dont look for him, practicing not to hurt.

its when he makes you feel he’ll never leave, but the next thing you knew… he left already.

its when i wait but no one came.

its when you love. you love. you love. then being left.

narcissistic me

2010-02-09T06:45:00.001-08:00

What Jade Catherine Means You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed… even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are usually the best at everything … you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You’re most comfortable when you’re far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you… especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You’re a strong person.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You’re always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can’t handle you. You’re very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you’re likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It’s easy to get you excited… which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don’t stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.