Somewhere along the way, sugar became an idol to me.

I have craved sugar almost every day over the last few years. I always attributed this to being insulin resistant, because persistently high insulin causes sugar cravings. God revealed something else to me during my fast, though… I have consumed sugar time and time again to bring me joy and comfort (ouch!). That’s a difficult thing to admit to myself, let alone anyone else.

I cut sugar (except for fruit) and most carbohydrates out of my diet for the fast. Without sugar, I was forced to deal with my feelings much more often. I would find myself upset at something and suddenly craving a Snickers Bar.  (I’m not kidding!) All of the feelings that I felt each day were just so raw.

I had no idea that I used food so much to stifle the uneasiness that I felt stirring in my soul.

I have read and done the study “Made To Crave” by Lysa TerKeurst (and I am doing the study online now!), so I already knew that this was an issue for me.  I have dealt with issues with sugar for awhile due to the insulin resistance I have.  I had no idea WHY I was turning to these foods, though, until God showed me a few weeks ago just how dependent (emotionally and physically) I had become to sugar.  When I cut out the sugar, my body revolted against my decision.  I had terrible headaches and felt depressed off and on for days. This is when I began to realize that sugar had become an idol in my life.

I’ve noticed time and time again that I start craving sugary foods when I feel frustrated, lonely, overwhelmed or sad.  This is when I need to be praying, instead of turning to food!  This has slowly been getting easier for me as the weeks go by.  I really had no idea how much I turned to sweets until I stopped eating them.

A symptom of a bigger issue

I knew I had to make a decision about what I was going to do about eating sugar once my fast was over.  I have decided to continue not eating it…for now.  For how long?  I don’t know.  I need some more time before I’m going to start eating sugar again, though. I know it’s not really about the sugar, itself.  I need to deal with the root of this problem (turning to something other than God to meet my emotional needs), because sugar consumption is just a symptom of the bigger problem at hand.  If I just cut sugar out of my diet and don’t deal with the root issue, I am just going to end up replacing the sugar with something else. That’s the last thing I want to do.

I have also been standing in faith for awhile now that God is going to heal me of the insulin resistance/PCOS, and I am believing that this is all a puzzle piece to my healing.  I am holding on firm to that!

Philippians 4:13 so clearly says, “I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.“, and I’m standing on this scripture (along with several others along the way) to help me through this battle.  God does not take idols in our lives lightly.  Looking back, I had been hearing and reading about idols a lot over the last couple of months.  I see now how He was preparing my heart for this time.

I am surrendering this idol to Jesus and not looking back.  Will I walk this out perfectly?  Maybe not.  I realize though, that perfection is not my goal.  Learning to lean on Him for everything is.

Thank you, Jesus, for not leaving me where I am, but helping me every step along the way – as long as I turn towards You. This may not be an easy journey (and certainly not a perfect one!), but I will look to You to guide and encourage me as I strive to become healthier – physically, emotionally and spiritually.

For many years, I never understood the difference between knowing about Jesus and actually knowing Him.  If someone would have asked me if I was a Christian years ago, I would have certainly told them, “Yes”.  I grew up going to church.  What I didn’t realize for so long, is there is a difference between knowing someone and knowing about them.  For instance, I know who the president is, but I do not have any kind of relationship with him.
Matthew 7:21  “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven”.

When I lived in the Philadelphia area, I attended a bible college for a year.  I distinctly remember a dream that I had when I was going to school there, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.  I had a dream that I had a final exam for one of my classes, and the room was very quiet.  All of a sudden, a man walked into the room and broke my concentration.  I noticed that many of the people in my class were really excited and immediately got up to speak to this man, even though they had not finished their exams.  In my dream, I was thinking, “Why is this guy here?  He’s totally distracting me, and I need to finish my test!”  I sat there trying to finish, as more and more people got up from their seats to speak to this man.  I couldn’t figure out who could be so important for everyone to stop taking their finals.  After sitting there getting more and more angry, I finally decided to go over and see what was so interesting.  Then I realized who He was…

That man was Jesus!

John 17:3 “Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent”.

Here I was, in my dream, taking a test on “spiritual” things, and I didn’t even recognize Jesus when He walked in the room!  I knew a lot about Him, but I didn’t even recognize Him when I saw Him.  I believe that God used that dream to wake me up into realizing that I was doing a lot of good things for Him, but I wasn’t spending any time with Him, which is what He really wants.

At that time of my life, I was so busy doing “good” things.  I was involved in my church, went to bible school, involved in church groups, etc.  That did NOT make me a Christian, though!  What makes someone a Christian is trusting Jesus as his/her Lord and Savior and having a relationship with Him.  It was after this dream that I realized I was doing a lot of things that seemed “good”, but I was not spending any quality time in prayer.  I was not spending any time getting to know Jesus better.  This reminds me of my son, Joshua.  He likes when I do things for him, but what he really wants is for me to spend quality time with him.  I continually have to “check” myself in this area, because it’s so easy to be busy doing things that seem “good” and forget to spend personal time in prayer with Him, also.

I’m sure almost everyone who reads this knows who Jesus is. Even someone who’s never been to church could probably name where He was born, what His mother’s name was, among many other facts.  Maybe you haven’t been to church since you were a child.  Maybe you’ve never been to church.  Maybe you’ve gone to church every Sunday since you can remember.  Perhaps you have a Master’s Degree in Divinity.

You could be a bible scholar, though, and not even really know Jesus.

You’ve probably done a lot of “good” things in your life. That’s what makes God happy with us, right?  Sure, God likes it when we do “good” things, but that doesn’t get us into Heaven.  Trusting Him as our Lord and Savior and turning away from our sins are the only things that will make you right with Him.  Leaning on, trusting in and relying on Him is what makes us right with Him. We can only know what this new way of living is all about if we read His Word. It cannot be about what we “think” He is like or what He “should” be like.  We learn who He is from the bible, not our traditions or intuition.

For years I thought Christianity was stuffy and boring.  I thought it was all about being fake and trying to follow impossible rules.  Real Christianity is anything but that.  If you’ve never read my testimony of when I finally gave my life to Jesus (after years of going to church), you can read it here: My First Love

Do you have a personal relationship with Him?

If you don’t, you need to. He loves you, no matter what you’ve done in your life.  He wants to have a relationship with you!

Your eternity depends on it!

Maybe you DO have a relationship with Jesus.  I challenge you to examine your life to make sure that you are not mistakenly confusing your “good works” with spending time with Him.  They are two very different things.

Romans 10:9-10, 13 “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved;  for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Thank You, Jesus, that You desire each of us to spend eternity with You.  You are not a cold and distant God.  You want so much to have a relationship with us, and that shows how much of a personal God You really are.  Thank You, Jesus, for extending Yourself and wanting to have such a personal relationship with each of us.  I love You!

Last year, my husband and I finished the fast and flew to Texas a few days later for a freedom/healing conference. I had no idea how much healing was going to take place in my life that weekend, and I truly believe the fast helped to prepare the way for it all. In all honesty, the fast was miserable for me! Not the food part, but all of the emotional stuff that came up during the fast. I was looking forward to hearing all of these wonderful things from God, but what I experienced was so completely different. I found myself almost constantly offended, angry, hurt (very hurt), confused, feeling rejected, etc. Despite the craziness, I know that God used that time to get a lot of junk out of my heart and prepare me for the coming year.

I’ve been stepping out in ways that I never have before, and not everyone is going to like or support that. I’m truly starting to “get” that trusting in God and in HIS approval is really all that’s important. I’m also learning that while freedom may sometimes come quickly as a result of deliverance, it is something that needs to be maintained. More often than not, new freedom gained will mean something that I attain gradually and steadily throughout my life. There will always be setbacks, and that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve failed. It means I’m learning to trust in God over my flesh.

Am I going to rely on my flesh to make me happy, or will I rely on Jesus? I honestly have to say that as this past year has gone on, I’m realizing that I have trusted in my flesh more. That is something that has currently been on my heart, and I guess I’m seeing myself (and my actions) in a new light. It’s like God has turned the spotlight on what I go to for comfort and happiness. I thought it was Him, but I’m realizing it’s not always Him I turn to. This is all a good revelation, though, because I know I will be closer to Him in the end.

Since our church will be fasting for the first 3 weeks in January, I have opted to not write on my blog during that time, also. If there’s anything that I spend time doing that I could cut out, it’s time on the computer. I’ve managed to cut this time down considerably over the last year, but it still is what comes to mind when I’m going on a fast. I’m not cutting it all out completely, but I’m going to stop writing for that time period.

I have some future posts planned that I wanted to share with you. These are some upcoming posts that I will begin publishing when I come back:

• Demonic Oppression: Is It Real?
• Deliverance: Truth or Hoax?
• Deliverance testimonies of both my own and a friend’s testimony of freedom
• I am also writing a post about God delivering me very s-l-o-w-l-y- in certain areas of my life.  Sometimes (most times, probably) you just have to walk it out slowly, while God heals all of the layers of your heart.  This takes time.

These are just some of the posts that I have started and have yet to finish! It seems like the way I write is by starting several posts at one time, and then I finish them all later. I don’t know why, but that’s the way my mind works!

I hope you all have a wonderful beginning to the new year coming up, and I will see you on Monday, January 23rd. Feel free to send me any e-mails if you like, because I will be still checking my e-mail during that time.

My quiet time with Him is always in the morning before anyone else gets up.  That’s the only consistent time that seems to work out before one of the kids gets up!  Lately, I’ve been noticing that my heart is yearning for so much more of Him.

I want to go deeper with Him.  I know that there is no limit to the depth of our relationship.  I want to experience a deeper intimacy with Him.  A deeper knowledge of Him.  A deeper revelation of His love for me.

I want more of Him.

Sometimes I feel like I’m holding back.  Like maybe I’m afraid of making myself vulnerable.  It’s such a vulnerable feeling when I really feel “seen” by Him.  I feel so flawed next to Him, but I know that’s not what He’s looking at.  I want to feel full of the His Spirit when I spend time with Him.  I want to be filled to overflowing.

Lately I have even sat in the quiet, very still, hoping to sense Him there with me like I’ve never known before.

I just want more.  A whole lot more.

I know that this is a good place to be.  I know that as I continue to hunger for Him and seek more of Him, He will draw closer to me.  I want to know Him in a way that I never thought was possible.  I want to be connected like never before.  I want to experience an intimacy with Him that I’ve never known.

I want to go deeper, and I look forward to Jesus revealing Himself to me in a new way!

There is no depth to Him.  There is always more.  I am expectantly waiting as I draw closer to Him.

I love you, Jesus!

As she says in her testimony, Liz has dealt with many fears for most of her life.  She would undoubtedly tell you that fear has always been a huge issue in her life.  God gave Liz an incredible revelation the other night at our church’s praise & worship service, and I asked her permission to share it with you.  I know you will be blessed…

I had always had God in my life. He gave me the amazing ability to see something positive in the most horrible situations. I knew Jesus was my Savior, and I had lots of love! I went to church, and I tried to be a good person. Honest, caring, generous, and loving. At least I thought I was. I thought I was a good Christian. But every time I heard the call to raise my
hand and ask Jesus into my life, I would wonder if I needed to. I was never sure I was going to heaven. “How do you know if you are truly saved?” I asked myself. I walked out of church with a better understanding, and sometimes I even thought that I heard something I should change about myself.

However, I had never read the bible, and the one time I tried, I got nothing out of it. I could have been reading Korean. I wasn’t learning how to live right. God was there, but I never KNEW him! I couldn’t stand “bible pushers”. I thought they got a little too carried away! I mean I really thought if Jesus died for my sins, and I would be forgiven no matter what, then what was the big deal? I guess what I didn’t realize was, you have to ask for forgiveness, and mean it! You have to try to stop sinning, because if you know God, really know God, you don’t want to sin!

I find my life being consumed by God. It is what I wake up thinking about. I go to bed thanking him. I pray in the shower, while I do dishes or run my errands. He comes up in every conversation, and I smile when I think about how awesome his love is for me! It’s like falling in love, except I expect this feeling to last, as long as I keep it alive! I talk about him like he is in the room, and I want EVERYONE to feel how amazing it feels to have an honest relationship with our Creator.

Last night during our church’s, “Friday Night Fire” I had this insane revelation. While singing Chris Tomlin’s, “Our God is Greater” I realized I have nothing to fear!

“And if our God is for us, than who could ever stop us, and if our God is with us, then what could stand against?”

What could stand against me, if I have our Maker, the creator of ALL things in me? What could ever hold me down, why should I ever be afraid?

Don’t get me wrong. Being free from fear doesn’t mean being free from common sense or caution. God gave us the ability to be smart and use reason, and we should. Just because I have God on my side, doesn’t mean I should put myself in dangerous situations!

But for the first time in my life, I actually feel free. I have spent my whole, almost 30 years, trapped in my bondage of fear. Fear of getting sick, fear of disaster. Fear of the dark, deer, disappointment, germs, fear of divorce, fear of failure, fear of poverty, fear to let myself look weak, fear of something happening to me preventing me from caring for my children, fear of commitment, fear of rejection, fear of love, fear of being disliked, the paralyzing fear that something would happen to my kids, fear of thunderstorms, the list goes on and on. And today I feel so light. Last night I truly let go, and gave my life to God!

I am sure I will still struggle with some fear, but I will continually remind myself that I don’t need fear, I can let go of anxiety, I am a child of God. I picture Jesus on the cross, and my sin, my fear, my illness, whatever I am struggling with, leaving as Jesus’ blood washes it away. I don’t need anger or fear or resentment, I only need love. I give what I am getting. Love!

I am so blessed by her testimony.  It’s one thing to know we don’t need to fear anything, but it’s an entirely different thing for God to give you a heart revelation of it all.  Revelations like this help to tear down strongholds that have been in our lives for countless years.  Thank you, Jesus, for Your incredible love!  Thank You for knowing each one of us so intimately.  You know exactly what we need to hear to set us free!

You can find Liz over at M0mmas Truth if you’d like to stop over and say hi!

You may be wondering why I’m writing about evacuation plans.  Well…I’m actually leading into the subject of temptation.

What has been your biggest temptation? 

Do you have something that you are continually tempted by, or maybe something specifically that used to be a big temptation for you that doesn’t seem so big anymore?  Maybe you’re someone who is often tempted when you’re tired, bored or lonely? Maybe you’ve been tempted to gossip, lie, steal, go shopping way too much, eat in secret, cheat, act out in anger, look at pornography or refer back to old destructive habits?

Do you have a plan of how you will handle this temptation the next time it presents itself to you?  How will you evacuate the situation?

I’m not talking about being educated about all the right things to do when you’re tempted. Do you have an actual plan in place for when temptation comes?  Jesus was tempted, so we know that temptation will come to us, also.  Just like the fire evacuation plan, it may be too late to come up with a plan if you wait until the fire (temptation) comes.  Don’t wait until it’s too late!

Anyone who has read my blog for any length of time knows that I used to struggle with the temptation to view pornography.  I also used to have horrible dreams (of a sexual nature) that would happen several times a month.  All it would take would be to see something sexually suggestive or explicit on TV (even just for a second), and I would have one of those dreams, always for 3-4 nights in a row.  I lived in fear of what I would see, because I knew where my mind was headed at night if I saw something I didn’t want to.  I became so careful about everything I watched, looked at and thought about, but it only took one second to ruin it all.  Having those dreams made me feel as though I was leading a double life.  It was horrible, to say the least.

I read someone’s blog a few weeks ago, and she wrote a post about having the same kind of dreams I used to have.  Since reading her post, I have started working on some posts about how I was delivered from these horrific dreams, along with explanations of what demonic oppression is, what deliverance actually is, etc.  There’s one thing I didn’t count on, though…

I had one of those dreams again (after not having any for over a year).

Should it surprise me that I had a dream like that while I’m trying to write a post on my deliverance from them?  No, because that’s how satan works.  John 10:10 says that he comes only to steal, kill and destroy.  It actually makes me even more determined to write this, because I know I’m not the only one who has dealt with these kinds of dreams.

I woke up the other morning surprised, shocked, sad, feeling oppressed, guilty and completely caught off guard.  I didn’t have a plan in place in case I was ever tempted again like I used to be.  I have always remembered my dreams with such clarity, which is fine – unless I have one of those dreams. I knew the rest of my family woudn’t be getting up for another hour or so, so I sat down to pray and read my bible. I rebuked the continual thoughts that I was having, but they weren’t going away. I found myself being tempted in areas that I haven’t experienced in a l-o-n-g time.  Years, really.

When my husband came downstairs later, I told him about my dream, and he prayed with me before he left for church.  I knew that my kids and I wouldn’t be leaving for another hour and a half for church, and I was terrified.  I was so afraid of where my thoughts would lead me.  I know that everyone sins, but for me to fall in this area would be detrimental…in a lot of ways.  After breakfast, I put a movie on for the kids and I went upstairs to pray.  I couldn’t even concentrate, because my mind kept drifting off to my dream. These kind of dreams are horrible, because they completely resemble the pornography I used to look at. And, I feel like I participated in it all, to make things worse, since my dreams are so real.

I found myself tempted to let my mind wander wherever it wanted to go.  I also had fleeting thoughts of looking at porn online again, which I haven’t been tempted to do in years (yes, I’m trying to be very honest here).  I felt completely alone and vulnerable.  I felt like I had no one to hold me accountable, and it scared me.  My mind was racing, and I kept going back and forth in my head about what I was going to do.  I kept speaking out scripture, and I even grabbed a book that contains specific bible promises and started declaring a lot of those scriptures out loud, too.  I didn’t want to grieve God, I didn’t want to hurt my husband, and I was also very afraid of what path it would lead me down if I didn’t run from these temptations.  These temptations were exceptionally powerful that day, and it was almost like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

I suddenly realized that being alone upstairs was a huge mistake, so I went downstairs and spent the remainder of my time at home that morning with my kids.  By the time I got to church, I was feeling a little better, but that time between waking up until I left for church that day felt like a lifetime.  I thank God that I remembered to truly lean on Him, so I did not cave into those temptations.  If I would have tried to do that in my own strength, I would have failed for sure.

So why am I telling you this?

I had not dealt with the temptation to look at pornography for a few years.  I thought I was completely over that.  If any of you are on Facebook, you probably know about some of the pornographic spam that ran rampant recently.  It seems like a LOT of it has been going around lately, and even though I have even been exposed to that a few times, it hasn’t affected me much more than just annoying me.  This is why I was completely caught off guard by the almost irresistible (in my own strength) temptations that came my way the other day.  I didn’t have a plan of what I would do if I ever was in a situation like that, because I thought I was past it all.  I took for granted that satan always comes back to see if you will take his bait.  This is not to say that we are to live in fear – definitely NOT! – but we need to be prepared just in case.

Since this happened the other day, God showed me that I would have been much better off having a plan of how to deal with a situation like that if it ever happened again.  I was foolish enough to think I was past that and would never be bothered by that anymore. I’ve even written posts on here of how to deal with temptation, but when it came right down to it, I almost needed a quick “cheat sheet” in my mind, (rather than an entire post’s worth of stuff) to keep in mind when the temptation actually hit me.

• I learned right away that it was a big mistake for me to be alone.  I just wanted to go upstairs to pray and deal with it all by myself, but it just made everything worse.  My mind was tempted to wander even more when I was by myself, so I went downstairs to be with my kids.
• I also am so glad for the small book of scripture confessions that I have, and I’m going to get one to carry with me wherever I go.  (I’ve been wanting to do that anyhow.)  Speaking those scriptures out loud served as darts against satan’s attacks.  It really helped to see it with my own eyes as I read it out loud, also. My mind was under attack, to put it mildly, so reading long paragraphs from the bible was really difficult.  It was incredibly difficult to concentrate on long sentences when my mind was racing, so I’m grateful to have had the little scriptures book.
• I also need to always remember that it’s not a sin to be tempted.  Jesus was tempted, so we know that it’s not a sin.  I always keep this in mind, because feeling guilty for being tempted will just provoke me to fall even quicker.  Realizing that temptation is not a sin takes the condemnation away once I redirect my thoughts and actions.
• I am so thankful that I have maintained a close relationship with Jesus, because I’m not sure how this all would have turned out otherwise.  This serves as a reminder to always stay close to Him – not out of fear, but out of knowing we are under His protective covering when we stay close to Him.  I am so thankful for His covering.  I am weak in my own strength, but I am strong in Him!
• Finally, I need to share this with someone.  Kevin is my “someone”, because I want him to know what’s going on.  Even if I don’t tell him until later on that night, I know that it’s important for me to tell him.  Satan loves secrets, and he feeds off of them.  I’ve learned first hand how confessing things to someone strips a lot of the power away from satan.

James 5:16 ” Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much”.

So…what is your evacuation plan?

I was in church the other morning singing a song I know well, when a couple words struck my heart like never before:

My Defender

This part of the song was describing God as our Defender.  It’s like the Holy Spirit hi-lighted that name to me, while causing great conviction and joy for me at the same time. Just before church that day, I had been rehearsing a painful situation in my head over and over again (never a good thing to do!). This situation is one that happened several months ago, but I have had such trouble letting it go.  I keep thinking I’m over it, but then it comes up in my mind again.

Without going into too many details, a decision I made awhile back was misrepresented (to many people) by someone I know, and it has made me look really bad. I have never felt like I could defend myself, because of the particular person involved.  It would not go well for me to try to defend myself against this person, so I have not even attempted.  (I actually tried once before, but I ended up looking like a fool, so I’m not planning on going there again.)

I found myself thinking about this again before church the other day, and I found myself saying out loud in the car, ” I have nobody to defend me!” Despite the fact that I had some more forgiving to do, I just wanted so badly to be able to defend myself so people could know the entire story.  Wanting to defend my actions but not being able to has allowed this situation to go on and on in my head with no resolve – until now.

When those words “My Defender” flashed across the screen at church that day, I knew that was the Holy Spirit speaking to me.  He is my Defender!  There are many times that we are not able to defend ourselves, or even when we try to we end up looking like a fool.  Many times we are misrepresented by others and we are made to look like someone we are not, and there’s nothing we can do about it.  There are so many references in the bible when Jesus didn’t defend Himself, and He easily could have.

God has been teaching me that I am not always supposed to defend myself. 

In fact, most of the time I am NOT supposed to defend myself.  It’s not my job to do that.  It’s His.  (I must mention that I am not speaking about any type of abusive situation here. There are times when we MUST defend ourselves for the protection of ourselves and/or loved ones.)

I encourage you to let Jesus be your Defender.  It’s not easy, especially when things don’t happen as quickly as we’d like them to – or even the way we want them to at all.  He is our perfect Defender, and He will bless those who trust in Him.

Psalm 91:1-2 “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Psalm 18:1-3 “How I love you, Lord! You are my Defender. The Lord is my Protector; He is my Strong Fortress. My God is my protection, and with Him I am safe. He protects me like a shield; He defends me and keeps me safe.  I call to the Lord, and He saves me from my enemies. Praise the Lord!”.

It seems like I have been particularly aware of some of my regrets lately. I’ ve been quick to think about all of the consequences I’ve had to deal with because of my poor decisions (and blatant sin), and it’s been difficult not to feel condemned.  My choices have also affected my family, and this has brought me such deep grief along with the regret.

Do you have any regrets that you have trouble forgiving yourself for?

We have all made decisions that we wish we could take back.  There are things that we wish we would have done, and other things we wish we wouldn’t have done.  God doesn’t want us to hold onto regrets, though.  He wants us to look ahead to what He has for us in the future.  We are to look ahead with hopeful anticipation, not sorrow or regret.

Isaiah 43:18-19 says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland”.

Philippians 3:13-14, “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus”.

God chose us, knowing ahead of time that we would make regretful decisions in our lives.  The wonderful news is that it’s not too late!  If you have asked for forgiveness and gotten back on the path that God has for you, it’s not too late.  He still has plans for you.  He still has a destiny for you that only YOU can fulfill!

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them”.

If you love God and follow His ways, then this verse applies to you.  This applies to all of your regrets, also.  He can turn those mistakes (no matter how big!) and cause them to work for your good.  Only Jesus can turn the mistakes of our past into something good!  That still amazes me when I think about it, but it’s so true.

If there has been a regret that you have been holding onto, I encourage you to ask God to forgive you for holding onto that regret for so long.  Ask Him to show you His perspective on that regret.  You may be surprised what He speaks to your heart.

Thank you, Jesus, that you don’t want us to hold onto regrets.  You have provided another way for us.  We are to let go of everything that has weighed our minds down with sorrow, sadness and regret, and give them to You.  Thank you for making all things new and working all things together for good for us who love You.  In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

This was surprising to me at first, because I went through the book once before, and I made a list (several pages long) of people I needed to forgive.  My husband and I also have a ministry now that focuses heavily on the importance of forgiveness.  I know how important it is to forgive, and the dangers of not forgiving.  Still, there is something that I never realized until reading the “Revenge” chapter of this book the other day.

John Bevere told a story about a woman who said she had forgiven her ex-husband, yet she did not have peace in her heart and felt very uncomfortable when she heard John Bevere preach on this subject.  John Bevere suggested that she still needed to forgive her ex-husband, and she said she had already forgiven him for everything he did to her.  John Bevere suggested that she had not truly forgiven him, because she was waiting for him to pay back a debt that he owed her.  The debt was not a financial one, but one that included admitting he was wrong and she was right.

This was John Bevere’s response to her: “You won’t forgive him until he comes to you and says that he was wrong, that it was his fault, not yours, and then asks for your forgiveness.  This is the unfulfilled payment that has kept you bound.”  He pointed out that although she prayed to forgive him before, she was holding a debt against him.  By doing this, she put herself in the position of a judge – claiming her right to payment.

“There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor” (James 4:12)? 

I did not realize until I read this that there are 2 people in my life that I had not actually forgiven. These are people whom I had already made decisions to forgive, but I still felt like they owed me something.  I thought I had already completely forgiven them, but I began to realize that I had not completely forgiven them yet.  I never realized this until I read that story in the book!

I  should have known that I still had unforgiveness towards them, because anytime either of their names were mentioned – I cringed.  That’s a red flag of unforgiveness, by the way! I just thought that I was still hurt over some circumstances that happened with each of them, so I did not recognize that I was actually still holding onto unforgiveness.  I was holding onto the decision that I would forgive both of them, but hopefully someday each of them would realize their errors and apologize to me.

That’s not forgiveness!  It’s based on self-made conditions…which isn’t the true forgiveness that God commands from all of us.  If we do not forgive others unconditionally, God cannot forgive us.

“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14-15).

Salvation is the gift that we are given when God forgives us.  We all have sinned against Him in more ways that we could ever account for.  The debt that we owe God is bigger than any debt we could ever pay or any debt that anyone else could ever owe us.  When we turn to Him, ask Him for forgiveness and follow Him, He forgives (cancels) the debt that we owe Him.  In return, we are to do the same for others (and ourselves – if we need to forgive ourselves). 

Is there anyone who came to your mind as you read this? 

I encourage you to take the matter to God and ask if you have truly forgiven this person (or people), or if you still need to forgive them.  God is so gracious and merciful by speaking to our hearts and convicting us when we still have unforgiveness in our hearts. 

Thank you, Jesus, for exposing the hidden things in our hearts.  It’s not easy to look at these ugly things, but you show us these things because You love us and want to clean us out – not to condemn us.  Thank You for speaking to our hearts today.  Please give help each one of us to examine our hearts and forgive, unconditionally, anyone we still need to forgive.  In Jesus’ name I pray.  Amen.

This is a powerful song that describes how beautiful God is.  God really spoke to me through this song the first time I heard it.  There’s a part of the song that describes how one day we, as Christians who dedicate our lives to Him, will be united with Him.

He is waiting to be united with us!

I don’t know when Jesus is coming back, or when each of us will be united with Him.  Jesus longs for that day, though! Is that difficult for you to imagine? He LONGS to be with you. Just like a groom longs to be married to his bride and expectantly waits for her. Jesus longs for you to see Him. He longs to be with you and to spend eternity with Him!

Imagine a wedding getting ready to take place… The groom is expectantly waiting to see his bride. He knows that she will look beautiful. She always looks beautiful to him. As the time gets closer and closer, the music starts. The bride finally walks in, and the groom is overwhelmed with desire and love for her. He is overwhelmed with knowing that she will be his. He has been waiting to spend the rest of his life with her, and he knows the time has finally come.

This is how Jesus feels about you!

He is expectantly waiting for you! He longs to be united with you for eternity. He waits for you as an expectant groom waits for his bride. Jesus loves you.

I pray that God gives you a fresh revelation of His love for you when you listen to this song! He’s longing to be with you. (If you are viewing this through a feed or e-mail, you may need to click here to go directly to my website for the song.)

The group organizer called me a few days before I was to speak and told me that after thinking about it more, it wouldn’t be a good time for my testimony, and she asked me not to come.  A few days later I ran into some women from the group, and I found out that the organizer had said she asked me not to come because my testimony would be “too much” for them.  My heart sunk to the ground, and I felt something else that took me days to identify……

Shame.

That old almost too-familiar feeling of shame from my past came creeping back.  I thought I was over it all, until I was told that my testimony was “too much” for these women to hear.  What does “too much” mean?  I spent YEARS keeping my past to myself, because I was afraid that people would reject me, not feel comfortable around me anymore, etc.  Being told that my testimony would be “too much” (especially when I know many of these women) brought back all of those fears again.

Isaiah 50:7 says, “Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame”.

I was not planning on going into all of the specifics that I have on this blog, because some of the women in that group are not even Christians.  I spent so much time preparing what I thought God wanted me to say, though, and I felt so disappointed to be told that she changed her mind.  This was someone who knows me, also, so that made it sting even more.

Shame is something that we were never intended to carry once we make ourselves right with God.  Sometimes we carry shame around for mistakes we made in our past, other times we carry it for things that have happened to us against our will.  Either way, God does not want us to hold onto it, because it is extremely toxic.

Are you carrying around shame from your past?

Often, even our own loved ones remind us of the mistakes we made in our past, as if we are still supposed to be living in shame over what we did.  This is not how Jesus wants us to live. Jesus has commanded us to NOT carry shame from our past.  If you have asked Him to forgive you and turned back to Him, you are to let go of all of your shame.  If you have felt shame due to something that has happened against your will, release it to Jesus, and ask Him to heal you in this area.  Ask Him to show you how He sees you, instead of how you have seen yourself.

“Come, let’s talk this over!” says the Lord; “no matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow.  Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool!  If you only let me help you…” (Isaiah 1:18-19 TLB)

In a way, I am grateful now that this situation happened, because it exposed another layer of shame in my heart that I didn’t realize was there.  Thank you, Jesus, for how You work in our lives. Even though it was such a disappointing situation for me, on many levels, I can see how He is working it out for good.

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whohave been called according to His purpose”.

I am so grateful for how You see us, Jesus.  It’s so often not the way we see ourselves.  Please forgive us for holding onto toxic shame and give us a revelation of how You truly see us, which is all that really matters.  Thank you, Jesus!

I have not been spending enough quiet time with God.

Have I been reading my bible every day?  Yes.  Have I been praying every day?  Yes  I have also been doing a lot of other things.  My husband and I started up a new ministry in our church a few months ago, and God is doing so many awesome things through it.  Our new ”Freedom Ministry” is a healing and deliverance ministry.  I absolutely love it, and I am honored to be a part of it.  It seems like I’ve also been up to a lot of other things lately that are taking up a lot of time once you add them all together.

It can be easy to confuse doing things for Him and spending time with Him.

So, while I have been doing a lot of “good” things, I’m realizing that I have been spending way more time on them than I have been spending quiet, quality time with God.  I have been spending about 70% of my free time doing these other things, while only spending about 30% of the remaining time with God.  I know that we are to include God in our every-day activities, but I’m talking about the quiet, restful times with God when it’s just the two of us.  Spending that quiet time with God refreshes me, renews me and fills me up like nothing else can.  That can’t be replaced!

Reading a book or taking a class is not going to fill me up with the Holy Spirit.  Ministering to others is not going to fill me up with Him either.  When I take the time to be filled up on a regular basis with Him, I have enough to give out.  If I find myself running low, that means I need to invest more time with Him.   When I find that I don’t have anything to write about, I guess it should serve as a red flag that I may not be taking enough of that quiet time to hear what He’s speaking to me.  When I take the time to hear Him speak into my life, my writing seems to flow out of that – if that makes sense.

It’s time for me to re-prioritize and spend more time with my Lord and Savior, Jesus.  Nothing can replace that time with Him.  I thank you, Jesus, for the gentle tap on the shoulder when my focus starts to shift!  I will never run low if I invest my heart and time in You.  I love you Jesus!

My pastors have said many times, “Choose your church as if your life depended on it.”

I thank God for the church I am part of. I thank God that He placed my family in a church where the pastors are bold enough to teach biblical Truth.  They are obedient to what the Holy Spirit gives them to teach, not what would necessarily make them popular.  A “feel good” message may bring more people in the door, but it will not always save them or help them break free from bondage in their lives.

  I don’t need a church where I never feel convicted to change.
  I need to be where I feel convicted, while knowing that God is going to help me change.

  I don’t need pastors who don’t talk about sin.
  I need pastors who acknowledge sin and teach me how to break free from it.

  I don’t need pastors who would support me living a sinful lifestyle.
  I need pastors who direct me to Jesus Christ, my Redeemer and Deliverer!

  I don’t need a church where I never grow up spiritually.
  I need pastors who encourage me to become who God created me to be.

I am so thankful for pastors who preach the Truth. Thank you to all of the pastors who preach the entire Word of God in love, no matter how uncomfortable it may be; no matter how many e-mails or phone calls you may get from disgruntled people. Despite how many times you are attacked for it, those of us under your spiritual authority thank you and are blessed to be part of your churches.

If you are looking for a church home today, I encourage you to choose your church as if your life depended on it. Choose one that preaches the Word of God in love – not one that preaches only what your flesh wants to hear, as 2 Tim. 4:3 says, but one that teaches what the bible says.  Don’t look for a church that is necessarily “politically correct”.  This may appear to be loving and right on the outside, but it’s actually keeping people in bondage and leading them to death if what they teach is not the true Word of God.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death” (Prov. 14:12).

My life has changed dramatically over the last several years, and a huge part of it was due to my pastors, the love they have given me, the Truth they have shown me, and the dedication that they have to shepherd the flock that God has given them. They fear the Lord (respect and have reverence for), and have taught me to do the same.

Thank you Pastors Steve and Mamie.  I am so grateful for you.

We don’t need to strive. 

When my son was 16 months old, I got a job working as a crisis intervention worker (something I had done before I had children), and I worked a casual position on the weekends when my husband was home.  I found myself staying there longer than I should have, because I was too busy “securing” my future.  I started thinking about how that particular job would be flexible enough for me to continue to stay home with our kids when they were not yet in school (and during the summer months when they were older).  I stayed in this job longer than I should have, because I wanted to keep my foot in the door for the future. I was planning out something that God didn’t even want for me in the first place.

So, yes, I have been known to strategically guess where God is going to place me in the future, and try my best to work backwards from there.  That’s responsible planning, right?

No, not really! That’s called planning my own future and trying to secure something that God may not even want for me.  What a mess it would be to plan my way in a certain direction for years, just to find out later that God did not intend for me to end up there in the first place. I have to continually watch myself in this area, because I am naturally a planner, and I enjoy knowing that things are “settled”.  God, obviously does not always work this way!

Sometimes all God wants us to do is trust Him and be STILL.

“He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,  I will be exalted in the earth” (Psalm 46:10). 

There’s obviously nothing wrong with planning ahead with the steps that God has given us to take.  We don’t need to strive to find the place God has for us in the future.  Often, striving just takes us off the path He has for us in the first place!  When we focus on Him, and take each small step as He presents them to us, we will arrive where He wants us at just the right time.  God is the only One who knows the end from the beginning.  If we really trust Him, we won’t be trying to carve out our own path to where we “think” God wants us to be.  We will be still and trust that He will show us where to go next.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Prov. 3:5-6).

What do we do with the dreams in our heart in the meantime?

What if God has placed a dream in your heart, and right now you don’t see how that could ever come to pass?  I understand, because I’m there right now, myself.  God knows the dreams that you have in your heart. He also knows how and when you’re going to get there.  The wonderful thing about God, is that we just need to focus our attention on Him, and He will bring these dreams He placed in our hearts to pass.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). 

Maybe you have drifted away from God, and you feel like it’s too late for you.  If you are reading this today, and this applies to you, it is most definitely not too late for you!  If you turn back to God, He will welcome you back with open arms today. Take some time to quiet your heart and start talking to God.  Make the decision to turn back to Him (remember, He’s waiting for you with open arms!), ask Him to forgive you for all of the ways that you have sinned against Him.  He still has a plan and a future for you.  Walk close to Him every day, and He will begin to unravel that plan for you.

It doesn’t matter if you gave your heart to Jesus when you were 5 or 85, Jesus has a great future for you!  He has plans for you that are better than anything you could ever imagine. Keep trusting Him, and do whatever He has placed in front of you.  Don’t worry about all of the rest!  In the mean time, enjoy where you are today and know that all the dreams He planted in your heart will come to pass.  Just follow each step He gives you, and you will get there right on time!