Going through the blog archives, I relived once again, the elation of landing something that could have been the breakthrough I’ve been looking for, as well as the utter disappointment of knowing the ad would not be aired.  I also recalled how I had the whole cast and crew in stitches when I did those scenes and how I almost broke my wrist performing the stunt for the final scene.

It was a good memory.

I have, in the years to come, incorporated part of the ad into my showreel, but was ever careful to remove the twist from the clip.  I guess I still harbored hopes of the ad seeing the light of day, and didn’t want to lessen the impact of the ad by revealing the twist before it gets the chance to be aired. I’m not sure why I’ve never subsequently re-edited the showreel to include the twist; maybe some small part of me still harbored that hope.

10 years on, I think its time to put that hope to rest.

I have never met Mr Lee and other than sharing the same surname, I cannot boast of any other connection to him.  But like many Singaporeans, despite not having the opportunity to be closely connected to him, his contributions and legacy connects him closely to us.

Throughout this week, through the testimony of others, through the early speeches made by Mr Lee and through the tremendous show of respect and gratitude by Singaporeans from all walks of life, young and old, friend and “foe”, I caught another glimpse into the character of a man I already greatly admired.

What strikes me most now, other than his obvious great intellect and wisdom, is a man with an incomparable sense of responsibility.  We can all see how devastated he was when he had to announce to the nation that we are splitting from Malaysia.  A lesser man would have crumpled, given up and walked away and history will still not judge such action as villainous. But what I see is a man that feels personally responsible for the almost 2 million lives that were placed in his hands then.  Whose lives whom he had promised a better future should they put their trust in him.  Of which he work tirelessly fulfilling this promise and this monumental responsibility.  He truly was Singapore’s Servant and the evidence is in the frugal way he lived, his meticulous attention to detail to the smallest matter of the State and his kindness and patience to his constituents.

The depth of his responsibility is so deep that even when he retired from politics, he still remains very concerned for Singapore’s well-being.  It is as though he felt he had to keep this promise to the people not only for one generation, but also for the next. And the next.  Forever even! if that is possible.

This responsible man with his gargantuan sense of responsibility is chiefly responsible for what Singapore is today.  And I strongly believe it is this aspect of character that had capable and brilliant men follow him; men like Dr Goh Keng Swee, Hon Sui Sen and the rest of the Old Guard.

Even though he retired from politics for quite some time now, it is only with his death that most of us feel the baton is well and truly handed over. It is now up to us to make sure we do not waste his excellent legacy.

So thank you Mr Lee, and have the rest you so richly deserve but never dare crave. We as a nation now stand on your mighty shoulders and the horizon we see is clearer, farther and brighter because of you.

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I think the peace of mind I get is well worth the money spent.

On another note, its ironic that public transport, if it doesn’t breaks down, is still faster by a wee bit for my work route. But compared to taxis, this mode is still faster, after factoring in the waiting times.

i) Top down when the sun is out will give you a good tan if you apply sunblock
ii) You need to have a good selection of music when the top is down
iii) You tend to panic at slightest drop of rain
iv) When panicking, you realise the controls used to close the top follows a very strict pattern
v) Once the top is closed you realised how loud your music was. Which will lead to realisation #2
vi) You begin to wonder what kind of stuff you can put on the dashboard and not let it fly off when driving.

I was just starting to chase my dreams then, and I never expect it would take another 10 years before I could own a ride again.

This time round, it’s again a hand-me down; well, sort of. I bought it off the second hand market, with five years left.

Oh, did I mention it’s a convertible?

Three years later, this is finally my reality.

2011 has been a really challenging year. Almost everything I did had obstacles to be overcome, and I don’t think I’d ever experience a year that tested my will and determination this much. From the renovations to my new place, from taking helm of a new ship to handling the cargo inspection by Customs, every significant event this year was fraught with obstacles.

This constant battle, this constant fighting with fire, really left me tired and jaded. Not even a 2 week sojourn to Europe granted me much rest. Even that trip itself presented numerous problems and issues for me to tackle. And after my trip, there were still enough battles for me to fight to leave me wanting another break.

To say its been an exhausting year is an understatement. But one important lesson I learnt was that as long as I persevere and don’t give up, I would be able to come out on top. But to be consistently presented with challenges after challenges, there were definitely times where I felt like giving up. Felt like just taking the fall and lie down for a while. I’m glad I didn’t cave in, but it has left me oh so tired.

I think I’ve aged a lot this year.

Earlier this year, I came across this article : The Obstacle Is the Path.

Without the challenges, obstacles, troubles, tragedies, failures, mistakes, problems, dilemmas, conundrums, and even catastrophes, our lives would be less, not more. Once you come to understand this, you realize that the obstacle is the path.

I’m not too sure that my life would be less without obstacles, but I get the meaning that great obstacles can lead to bigger opportunities. It’s just that I wished I hadn’t had so many to deal with this year.

Due to all these challenges, I hardly have the time to delve into acting. Not that many opportunities or good roles came along, but had they come, I would be hard pressed to find the time to do them. I’m hoping this year things will be more stable and I can embark on the project I had in mine when I got my place.

On another note, I’m thinking going behind the camera might not be that far fetched for me after all. This Europe trip I discovered I appreciated good angles and picture composition more than I realised. And judging from the feedback I got from the pictures I took, I think I can possibly develop further in this area. My director plans might not be that far fetched after all.

On the financial front, I’m happy to report not only did I manage to achieve my financial targets, I managed to attain another milestone in 2011 as well. Moving forward though, I don’t really have any lofty goals set. At the moment, I think I just feel like chilling.

So good riddance to 2011 and the Year of The Rabbit. I look forward to a better 2012 and Dragon year. And with such a difficult year behind me, I am confident I will be able to deal with any challenges thrown my way. I just need to get my rest first.

Shiver me timbers.