My Right Side

Return to the dark alley.

2011-07-24T20:48:00.000+05:30

Days seem long nights so short,
nothing remains after the day we fought,
Drained I feel physically and emotionally,
Down I walk that same dark alley,

That shot, that prick, that puff,
I feel no pain anymore within,
Shaken,afraid, scared I am,
It takes time for the truth to sink in.

The road I'd choosen with you I saw,
I laughed with you in that open car,
I feel no pain of any kind no more,
You and life have left me with a scar.

We all have our insecurities,
Maybe I took mine too far,
Miss me, hate me, remember me no more,
I am free now, high up, I soar.

Truth be told

2011-06-17T15:49:00.000+05:30

Down I went that road again,
Sane I was a while ago,
Makes me mad to see life end,
I don't cry on the path I descend.

A drag from fire,
A drag with scent,
This journey shall never end,
Truth of life,struggle I meant.

Doors have opened to heaven,
Doors have opened to Hell,
I lie somewhere in the middle.
Truth be told I lie nowhere.

Just before the Kill

2011-06-13T23:06:00.000+05:30

Look into the mirror a stranger stares back,
who are you really?
Something as quiet as a hiss says Kill.
Silence masks the thrill.
Enjoy the scream, channel the pain, I am sick to my stomach.
Love me or hate me you can't tell.
I am the dark passenger, I say what I mean,
That shot of whiskey as dirty as it was,
Blood runs down the street.
Pointed sharp silver it is,
Cuts easy and nice,
I savor the liquid I like to slice.
Walls are stained with red not mine,
The enemy stands no more,
Faith happened and took its course,
I cut the crop at source.

In you it lies

2011-06-06T23:08:00.000+05:30

Green life, a green field, a green outlook,
I dream't to reach the horizon,
I failed I blamed luck,
Clear skies made me see, life is not eternity.
Tall pillars stood beside me,
And nothing...

I struggled, I cried, I tried with all my might,
Soon came the light shining down on me.
Face the truth, nudge the lies,
You are what you are accept it; win the fight.

Days come by not all will be yours,
Believe in you, keep a straight face,
No matter you're last end the race.
Success lies beyond the horizon no more,
Believe and failure shall be off shore.

Soul

2011-05-16T23:53:00.000+05:30

A lazy day I awoke to your smile,
A ray of hope that shining light,
I see you now I see life defined,
You are the one the only,
My heart and soul combined.

My last dance

2011-05-15T22:58:00.002+05:30

A successful life,
Money in rife,
Failure is impossible,
I am fit and able.

I dance like a swan,
Competitors I warn,
Go away, I am God,
I am sure destrucion you can't afford.

One day I danced I danced real hard,
People clapped, I cried,
In pain I was I couldn't understand,
I held a smile I tried.

A learned man told me I can't dance anymore,
Life approached its full stop,
End is what I saw,
A gun and bullet I draw.

Face the crowd no more,
My talent defeated,
I opened my mind,
I opened my soul.

I see the light I see it's bright,
A child came to me and said,
I am innocent yet I died,
I failed I failed I cried.

God why this day for me,
Was I the bad man,
I itendended no pain for anyone,
I hurt no one.

You, you are the one who's hurt,
You threated others like dirt,
Glory Glory to your art,
Life would've been easier if you had a heart.

Then take me, take me with you,
Make me the way I ought to be,
What you are is what I itentend,
To be a swan you pretended.

Being is easier than to be,
Be that man you and I want to see,
Glee and pleasure come in ways,
I hand you my love and faith.

This way.. No that way

2011-05-15T22:40:00.000+05:30

Old songs live long,
Leaves fall new grow,
Across a highway I drive,
Long patch of lawn I mow.

Deep thoughts are not deep enough,
Living isn't meaningful anymore,
It's you, it's you I sought,
For you in my life to come I ought

To do, To say, To live to die,
Anyway you look at it,
The answer is untold,
All I wait is the reason to unfold.

Failure of trust,
kill me you must,
Belief is dead,
Love I fret.

May I know the way,
Is it upwards or downwards,
Whichever it is,
A tear, a sigh, a fear.

Make me go,
Make me feel,
Show me the way,
I am alone...

Letter to e'K'ta

2010-11-28T16:00:00.000+05:30

Dear Ekta Aunty,

I am so happy to be writing to you, My name is Vanchinchastha. That's right it was something my mum and dad picked up from one of your equally long titled soaps. My name when broken up sounds like van, chin and a Chinese man says chest. When I grow up they want me to become just like one of your characters you know the types who suddenly from short skirts and tops goes to wearing sarees and nineteenth century jewelery and goes so crazy with it that even sleeps in them, wooohoow I can't wait to give up meat, booze and a career for my loving husband whose name also freakishly starts with 'V' and cook for him and wait for his rebirth after his death to lead a pavitra rishta that never got apavitra.

    Sometimes when I see my friends drinking and smoking and doing shit, it reminds me of one of the negative characters in your soaps you know the red haired chick with excessive make up and either sporting short hair or long hair but never tied up. She also has this background music to every wise crack or let's say murder plan she makes for the leading lady. Oh no but I want to be like the saree clad bahu the one who touches the feet of her elders because she wears so much oil in her head no one dares to hug her.And ofcourse not consummate my relationship with my hunk of a husband from a middle class family living in a palace as we are sure to be trapped in a cabin on a rainy night where the miracle of life happens. Yes in just one go. :O

My husband and I shall support the family while we see the evil brother and his equally satanic wife plotting to take over it, but no siry I shall keep my mouth shut "Kyunki mere pass Maa hai". And then again support my family, but this time by wearing torn or patched up sarees and stand in the line for water in a unimaginably dirty slum that gives dharavi a run for its money. Oh yes and trade my 19th Century jewelery for a 'chutki bhar sindoor' while my husband the ex-rich successful business man now ofcourse a petty thief goes and robs the same place I sold the jewelery at.
  Oh yes how can I forget the cabin conceived baby the baby who recovered from cancer because in this world menial illnesses like cold and cough do not happen to poor people like us. Yes my cabin conceived baby shall save us as he suddenly turns 25 years old with so much anger that he can destroy his evil uncle and aunt.
This will be a dream come true ekta aunty because of you, this has become a reality to my parents and as they say you are your parents might in turn be a reality for me.

But say no more you even seem to have a strong hold on the reality tv too.

The End

P.S.
I hate you.

The Cynic in me

2010-11-28T14:30:00.001+05:30

Everyday I get up with a mission, something new to do, something different. Well by the time I get the day started and you know when I actually get it started the enthusiasm triples, more like in the other direction.As nowadays I seem to do something unlikely, something I never thought would happen, I have started agreeing to what Mara used to say, I have become the president of cynicism land. Ok wait that isn't happening last I checked I was contesting for Lala land.

I ain't self battering but my self loathing levels have been at their peak lately and I ain't even PMSing. Let's just look at things I like to do. I like to talk, I like to write, read make jokes, pull Aditee's leg. Hmmm that can qualify as a degree really I am pretty good at that. I can actually fill pages on my resume on the wise cracks I have made about her. I am soon to become 23 how about that. 7 more and I turn twenty ten. I guess that the right way to see it, stick to the tipsy 20's than the tired 30's. Seems like everyone takes things in a negative way nowadays, or is it just me, I think a lot about things, think about why I think about things, then think about why am I not thinking about things I am supposed to think about.

Ah well its just a start more on my cynicim later, catch me around 10 Monday to Friday!

Yellow

2010-11-19T00:42:00.000+05:30

Where do I start and how do I end,
You and only you is what I think about,
You around me you surround me, you took away my heart.
Colours of rainbow a bright blue start,
Days of wonder, gaze of love.
You make me happy; in joy I live,
You are the reason the reason I say,
finished I'll feel if you go away.

Written on paper I pour myself out,
it's something to wonder nothing to doubt,
Feelings are mutual, brittle is nothing anymore,
we seem, we are, we will be forever...

Soul Search

2010-09-15T06:00:00.000+05:30

An energy lies with me, my soul,

The same lies within you,

You might think differently my friend,

But I think it makes us whole.

For they move away

2010-08-16T23:41:00.000+05:30

You meet someone,
and they go away,
you like someone,
you just cannot say

You have reasons to let go,
you have no time, their out the door,
seasons go by,
You still await to say your final goodbye.

But you can't..
You found yourself in them haven't you,
Its hard to let go,
Seasons go by without the sun,
Its time to drive towards the end,
To complete things that seem left undone.

Tourist in Bombay

2010-08-16T01:24:00.000+05:30

I goggled Bombay today. I came across one Blog One Way Bombay, its this American girl who has written stuff about Bombay. It makes me realize how much I know about this place I have stayed here for 22 yrs and haven't yet seen The Gateway of India I know shame on me. But as I have been in Bombay forever and as much as I know I love this place so much I won't leave it any sooner I know those things will always be there for me. But I think its time to pay tribute to my hometown see this place and write about it, for all those people like me who have taken it for granted.

Be a tourist in my own city Bombay Here I come...

Gone are those days

2010-04-23T01:32:00.000+05:30

Fading sunlight the trees and the rustling leaves,

All remind me of something so special, pure and neat,

Those days of clarity, in those days I reigned.

Now it all seems to have gone I am left drifted apart.

Julia and Julie

2010-02-01T01:28:00.000+05:30

The movies I saw this weekend were Wake up Sid and Julia and Julie. I loved them both, but most of all I loved the movie Julia and Julie. Two women so alike, one inspired the other and both were inspired by cooking. The movie had a simple message, especially for those who are in search of that one thing they are good at, this movie is a must watch.

Julia played by Meryl Streep and Julie by Amy Adams, this movie is about two stories, about two different women but as the movie goes on you realize how similar both of them are, not only that but there's a Julie in each of us. Julie a soon to be 30 year old, goalless, hates her job, has written an unpublished book, feels like there's nothing she can do, gets an idea to start a blog by her husband Eric. To take up a challenge and write about it.

Cooking is something that transports her from her not so happening life, she decides to cook through 524 recipes from the book 'Mastering french cooking' written by Julia Child in the 60's and publish a blog about it. As she cooks and writes about it, the movie shows Julia's life. Travelling with her government employed husband to various countries she falls in love with Paris and it's food, 'Bonne Appetite'. Nothing's better than butter she says.

So as days go by Julie starts not only cooking like Julia, but starts feeling influenced by her. The movie shows a relationship which doesn't really exist between the two women but oh so beautifully rendered on the screen, as for Meryl Streep as always a splendid job done, after Mama Mia you'll fall in love with her once again.

Signing off for now...

Life's in our hands

2010-01-30T23:56:00.001+05:30

Everyday you see people pass you by,

ever wonder what they're thinking,

The worries and tensions they carry inside,

Thinking one day all pain will subside.

They don a smile when they meet someone,

But inside they cry,

They are failures, losers and a nobody they think,

and as days go by they begin to sink.

They call the angel of death to their door,

Maybe by sipping the death liquid or falling 100 feet down to the floor,

They attempt to take their lives into their hands,

They have no clue in heaven or hell they'll land.

Some blame others and some blame themselves,

for some failure overcomes them,

everyone says humans have immense potential,

But when it runs out, life seems insubstantial.

I wish I had a dimple on my cheek.

2010-01-26T03:37:00.000+05:30

That's my wish, sometimes thinking about it; it's not possible without using some unnatural means. But don't we all have some of those queer wishes that we know are not possible but we still wish for them. But then surprisingly some of them do come true. I think wishes are like lottery tickets, there's one or may be many with each person, everyone on earth is playing, unlike the one on earth there are multiple winners in this one, there's an irony involved, one never regrets winning a lottery, but some regret wishes coming true!

Maybe it was a wish for that particular guy/girl you had a crush on, you wished oh please let me have them and they turn out to be completely opposite to what you expected, or that penultimate job offer brilliant package et al you get and then you realize your pretty much stuck with it.

Now how does one undo one's wish, simple wish to undo it. But do we realize the consequences, come to think of it never, all we do is regret for even thinking about it. Now I don't want to sound all cynical. It's an answer I seek, if I had wished for something and I happened to receive it, there must be a reason behind it. My single stream of thought caused a change in someone else's life, maybe it affected not one but many.

For the fact you received the wish in the first place means that there was a purpose, a deep meaning behind the same, undoing it might not only change your life but also many you don't even know.

And the reason I want a dimple on my cheek is to simulate a frown as a smile.

Didn't make a round trip

2010-01-21T23:27:00.003+05:30

He kissed her on her right cheek,

wiped the tear drop off her left,

he bid his goodbyes and set sail on the white ship.

She blew him a kiss and waved hard,

They exchanged silent 'I love yous',

She returned back home with a sigh.

She waited for his call for days,

He never rang home,

She wrote him a letter,

She said even with people around her she felt alone.

He didn't call back, he did not reply,

He had left her stranded,

She did not move on.

One day the phone rang,

She happened to pick it up,

A man spoke to her in a high pitched voice,

He took a her name twice the first one was with hello,

and the second time he did so was to tell her that her man was never to return.

A Dedication

2009-12-24T00:34:00.003+05:30

There's this boy I met one day,

I thought he's shy he didn't have much to say,

His talk was never precise he seemed to be confused,

And his thoughts were to me a ruse.

He told me things he probably didn't want to tell,

He told me he felt his life was a hell,

and so this is what I said to him one day

"if you don't see beyond the tough times now you'll never enjoy the oasis of life,

Struggle at this point will get you happiness in rife"

Live life large do what your heart says to you,

and you can make that I M possible true.

An Incomplete Search

2009-12-20T22:46:00.002+05:30

I see that smile what a killer one,

a face so bright as bright as the sun.

Days have gone by I miss that face,

I try hard to find, but it's only shadows I chase.

Summers gone and winter I long,

The cold feeling I have inside is the same outside,

reaching far, reaching wide to meet that hand,

I reach a tranquil place an unknown land

then I wake up to see it's just another dream.

My Wishful sinful and wicked world

2009-10-14T22:03:00.004+05:30

Wishful sinful wicked me

I see what I want but I never get what I need

Wishful sinful wicked blues

I hate when I'm sad because I let my sad self loose

Wishful sinful wicked truth

When being myself yields no fruit

Wishful sinful wicked you

For thinking of me for someone I am not

Light of my own...

2009-09-20T01:38:00.005+05:30

Days of darkness have come and gone,

Begetter's light has led my way for so long,

that light now I want to leave and find my own,

Maybe small, not too bright but I want my light to be known.

Days of brightness had left me blind,

the light so bright it shunned the real,

explore!explore!, my dim light cries,

and one day I know it'll certainly be bright.

Me a writer??

2009-09-04T17:21:00.000+05:30

I had a dream and so I wrote this blog, in that dream I was narrating a story, and as I narrated the characters came alive, well they came alive not in front of me doing goofy things as I narrated but its like I went into their world, I got to watch what was happening.
This entry is not for what was in my dream, its for something I am trying to find in myself for a very long time, can I become a writer?

Well many people are going to laugh when they read this it's not because this blog is funny but for the shear reason they know me, Sneha Gokarn who scored not more than fifty marks in the English subject in school, always passing marks in grammar, once I even got half a mark for an essay I wrote in my prelim paper in the tenth standard, well I can't exactly be blamed the topic was "1 hour in a mall" I had three to four minutes to write it, so I wrote about a terrorist attack, maybe that examiner was a peace lover, but I did save the mall from being blown to pieces and you can't leave aside a 15 yr old apprehending a brawny terrorist. Well no issues as I laugh looking back at that day.
Anyway, I have written quite a few blogs to call myself a blogger, how many pages do I have to tear of my notebook to be called a writer, ya well silly joke. Maybe I can write serious stuff. Okay, besides my screwed up grammar and grasp of the English language, what else deters me is my boredom, I can't stick my butt to the chair and write 400 pages not my cup of tea. Lastly my IQ is that of an average american, yes AMERICAN!!!. Too embarrassing to mention.

Okay lets give it a shot, I raced my friend to the beach, after I left her far behind I fell on my knees on to the soft sand, taking in the sweet smell of the sea, I relaxed as I saw the sunset. I put my feet up in the air pretended I was walking on the sky, rubbing my feet against the setting sun as the wet sand fell from my feet due to the elevation. I closed my eyes and tried to hear only the waves as the wind frisked my hair.

I am not a pessimist, to tell you the truth I don't read much either, I can't tell the nuances in works of art and I don't speak multiple languages, I don't grasp things very fast and I take time to comprehend magazine articles especially those on finance and technical matter, but I still want to be a writer...

Transferrable happiness

2009-06-10T02:03:00.002+05:30

When does that feeling of hapiness rise within you,

is it on the day you get a good result,

is it the day you cook your first meal while away from home,

is it when you get a pat on your back from your superior for a job well done.

Sometimes wishful sometimes sinful,

sometime wicked,

we want,we want something to make us happy.

To find that something we search our whole life,

being happy everytime that small instance occurs,

next time something else happens and there you go you're happy again.

It maybe a travel to a new place,

maybe a discovery of a smiling new face,

maybe dawn after a very dark night,

or maybe a 2 week awaited full moon light.

Sometimes wishful,sometimes sinful

sometimes happy sometimes blue,

we grow up to realise the same thing that made us happy as kids,

now we seek no pleasure from it.

So strange it is when we give the same to our child who smiles when he gets it

and we regain that pleasure.

Happiness is transferrable and so is pain,

happiness is spread when one won't see his gain,

you can even give pain to someone and recieve happiness from it,

but your laughter will soon turn into tears as your smile will be washed away by the rain.

Random thoughts on love

2009-05-26T23:30:00.004+05:30

What is love

Is it the climb through the thorny stem to the sweet smelling rose.

Is it the cool breeze that makes the sweat from the hot summers day go away.

Is it that something, when you recieve you give back double.

Is it like when your mother strokes your hair when she thinks your asleep.

Is the sweet smell of the ground on the first shower of rain.

Or is it like a baby's laughter.

Sometimes so true love feels

sometimes it's so out of reach

you want to hold on to someone you feel,

But loves no agreement with no seal,

Love makes one cry ,love makes one laugh,

It's a matter of luck actually to find the right one,

but when you think you've found him put your foot forward and half the battle is won.