My Search For Happiness

To My Son

2010-06-09T14:15:00.000-04:00

My oldest was just baptized this weekend. I spoke during the program about the Gift of the Holy Ghost. I gave him a copy of this talk to keep in his journal, but I'm afraid he already lost it. I'm going to post it here so we don't lose it. On big occasions like this, it's so hard to remember anything that was actually said.

Dear **,

As your mom I’ve had the privilege to be with you every day since you were born. I’ve been able to watch you learn and grow and I want you to know how happy I am that you have made this decision to be baptized today. This decision will be a blessing to you throughout your life and throughout all eternity.

**, we’ve talked about how Heavenly Father has blessed you with many gifts, some of which you are not even aware of yet, but one gift that I’ve been able to see in you from the very beginning is a peaceful heart that desires to do the right thing. You have made mistakes, of course, along the way, but I know that you have always wanted to do the right thing. Today you are going to receive another gift, called the gift of the Holy Ghost, and together these gifts of yours will give you a peace and a power that can only come from God. If you will always try to do the right thing, and repent as quickly as you can when you don’t, you will have the privilege of having the Holy Ghost with you all the time and I want you to know that this truly is a blessing.

In my life, the Holy Ghost has been like a compass for me that points out the paths in life that will bring me the most joy and lead me back to my Father in Heaven. The Holy Ghost has been like a blanket for me that wraps around me and warms me up when I’ve been sad and alone. The Holy Ghost has been like a doctor for me that shows me how to help the people around me when I haven’t known how to myself. The Holy Ghost has been a teacher for me teaching me new and wonderful things every day of my life. And perhaps most importantly, the Holy Ghost has told me in my heart that God is real and that He loves me and wants me to return to live with Him again. The gift of the Holy Ghost is a gift that I wouldn’t trade for 10 million dollars. Pay attention to all the love you feel in the room right now and remember it because that’s what the Holy Ghost feels like and now as long as you continue living your life the way God wants you to, you can reach out and feel that whenever you want.

There's a story in the Book of Mormon about 2000 stripling warriors. For those who don't know the story, there's a group of people called the people of Ammon. Before converting to the gospel, they were a war like people who fought and killed often. After they converted, they made an oath to God that they would never kill again. This was a wonderful blessing in their lives until they were attacked and their homes and their families were threatened. They considered breaking their oath, but their little boys (well they were teenagers, but now that I'm a mom, even teenagers are little boys) said they would fight the battle so their parents could keep their oath. In this story every one of the boys is injured, but not one of them is killed.

Life is not easy, **. You already know this. You might never have to go to war and fight a real battle, and we certainly hope you don’t, but Ephesians teaches us that Satan will ensure that you do have to fight spiritual battles. (Ephesians 6:12). You will be tempted and there will be times when it’s going to be very difficult to do the right thing. You’ve already had some tough times, right? And you will have more. We all have difficult times in our lives. Getting baptized and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost doesn’t mean life will be easy, but it does make the hard times better. And while I wish I could fight all your battles for you myself so you don’t have to, like the parents in this story, I know that I can’t. I've already lived through Elementary School and Junior High and High School. I can't live through those times for you. But what I can do and what I will continue to do my best to do for as long as you’ll listen to me, is to teach you how to have the Holy Ghost with you all the time because I know if you keep the Holy Ghost with you, you will be like one of the Stripling Warriors. You may feel hurt at times, but the Holy Ghost will be a protection and a shield that deflects the firey darts of the adversary and makes sure your spirit does not die.

And when all of your battles are over, you will know that God is real. I promise you that even through the difficult times of life, if you will use this gift you receive today, you will feel the peace and the joy that comes from staying close to our Heavenly Father. I know this is true because it’s happened for me.

I hope you will never listen to kids who might make fun of you for doing the right thing because there is no amount of money that can buy the peace and confidence and happiness that will come from living up to your privileges and having the Holy Ghost as your constant companion. If you will be brave and courageous and choose the right even when people around you don’t, you may lose a friend here and there, but you will always have people who love you; and you will never regret your choices.

I Love You,

Mom

Mother, Woman, Me

2009-09-16T06:37:00.004-04:00

I haven't posted on this blog for a long time. I guess sometimes I have things to say about my faith and sometimes I don't. Today I do.

I've taken a lot of heat over the years for my beliefs. Much of that has subsided, but a criticism I continue to field often is, "How can you, being an intelligent woman, subject yourself to a religion so repressive to your gender?" Ironically I confront this criticism most often from members of my own faith.

I've spent some time trying to put my feelings about womanhood and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints into words and this is the best I've come up with:

My family and I like to ride our bikes up to the local elementary school and play on the playgrounds together. It's a fun outing for all of us and uses up some of the extra energy that would otherwise be bouncing all over the house breaking things. There is one stretch of our ride that takes us down a busy road with no sidewalks and no shoulder. As a mother, this part is scary. It's a relatively short distance, but if my kids don't stay right in line with us, it could be deadly.

Each time we leave on this little journey, I remind the boys to follow Daddy and then I ride behind so I can call to them if they wander too far into the road without noticing and stay with them if they fall. Daddy charts a safe course and I follow my little brood to make sure no one wanders off or gets left behind. Even when Daddy can't come with us, I choose this position, and my oldest son rides out in front.

I've always chosen this position, even before I had children of my own. I was the oldest cousin in a large family of skiiers. Every time we went skiing, I would wait at the top of the mountain until all the younger siblings and cousins started down. I was the last one to the bottom of the hill nearly every time because I wanted to be there if someone fell or lost a ski.

I choose this position because I am a woman and innately I am and always have been a mother. It would be torturous to be unable to track of each and every one of my babies. I want to see where they are going and be able to stop and gather them in if necessary. I don't want anyone to be unknowingly left behind. Daddy and I could trade spots, I suppose, but given the choice, I prefer the expansive vision from behind to the expansive vision out in front. He can see where we're going; I can see who is going to get there and call out if we need to stop, slow down, or if we accidentally miss a turn. Together we move safely as a family.

So does it bother me that my church is led by men? No, because the circle is completed by the women who watch over the brood from behind and call out when necessary; together the body moves safely.

I like to think my Mother in Heaven would choose the same thing. Perhaps she chooses to stay behind us where she can call out when she sees us wander and make sure we're not left behind. Although that choice means we don't get to follow her directly nor see her face, the destination remains the same and I'm sure she's satisfied her husband and oldest son will lead us there safely.

Help

2009-08-13T06:15:00.003-04:00

Anyone have any thoughts on why our salvation does not exist independently from other people??

I have to speak on Sunday about this.

I have lots of notes. Can't get a solid grip on it yet though.

Thoughts?

Anyone, Anyone?