My Shtub

Basement dust rebels

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 02:30:00 +0000

There has been a baby boom recently in my little town. I think all my friends are either pregnant or they just had a baby. I love seeing first times moms sporting their new bellies, and the experienced ones having their 4th or 5th child like its nothing. There is a constant refresh in a community when babies are always being born. There is always a new face to liven things up.

For the mother without little ones in tow, this liveliness, this communal refresh can be painful and almost unbearable. I was that mother for a long time. I had my Mel but he was quickly growing up and siblings were not in the near future. There grew a pang of envy, jealously, and sometimes even anger when a baby is all you want and everyone is having one but you. I'm sure many of you can relate and B"H many of you can't. Having children to me was a light source. Being able to have my three little ones was everything i could of asked for, and more.
I'm most likely not going to be able to have more. The hard reality is i can not even attempt to have more children until i am completely done with treatment and for a few more years after that. I will be in my mid 40s. I know, I know many mothers have babies in their forties but most of those mothers do not have a history of infertility, chemo ( chemo kills your eggs), and an extensive medical history.

When i first received my medical diagnosis and the doctor was speaking to me about some pretty scary stuff, i looked up at him and the first thing i said was "will i be able to have more kids." The doctor sort of gave this look like are you seriously talking about having more kids when I'm speaking to you about how long you are going to live, but that is me, a mother first.

When i became very ill and was going through chemo my mother came to live with us for awhile. We were in the basement and she was looking at the room full of baby gear and clothes, and said do you want to start getting rids of some of this stuff? It took everything in me not to propel myself onto the stuff and scream "NEVER". I still hold onto the swing, exersaucer, the newborn clothes, and baby sling like it is my lifeblood. Like if it get rid of this stuff then i have given into the Cancer, i have let it win. So it sits there, and its starting to collect dust, my little dust ridden rebels.

The idea of not having another baby is so overwhelming to me that i can not even think about it, but it happens. Its easy not to stress and worry when you have a little baby in your arms, but my babies are growing. My oldest is taller then i am. My Dovie is maturing and growing into a little boy and losing his toddler "look", and my Rozie..... I will have to say one of the things i love about Down syndrome is our little ones look young for a lot longer. They use a swing longer, they use the high chair longer, and they need the stroller longer. I relish in it. I love her tiny baby hands and tiny baby feet ( she wears and infant 3.5), but no matter what she will mature. She will grow. Lately her toddler personality is taking over. Even though she is still a 3.5 foot she acts like she wears a 9. She still fits nicely in a highchair, but i can no longer use it because she climbs right out. Soon it will go down to the basement to be stored with the dust rebels.
She is no longer a baby and will tell you so. She can tell you how old she is, her name, and if she is wearing a "fancy" bracelet or not. I no longer have a baby in my house. These words are so hard to even write i...I no longer have a baby in my house.
I know Hashem will give me what i need when i need it. Right now getting healthy is what i need to do, and realistically i couldn't imagine what a pregnancy would do to me right now. This time around though it is different. I do not feel pain, anger, or even jealously to my friends, i feel genuine joy for them. I rejoice with them and share in their simchas, im so thankful i can do that. I know this is Hashem's way of telling me its not time for me to have more, but dont worry Hashem im not ready to give up yet.

Photography.. You asked, im answering

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 22:25:00 +0000

Disclaimer: I am not a professional photographer. I love photography and enjoy doing it as a hobby, and sometimes if im lucky for pay. I never took a class except for in high school and that was 20 year ago, don't tell anyone. All my tips and tricks are things I've tried and worked for me, someone else may have a better and easier way. Most of my photography education comes from you tube im embarrassed to say.
These are myshtub reader questions...
Q. What kind of camera and lens do you use.
I have a Nikon D40 which is the most amateur and easiest to use of the SLR family. I don't even know if they make them anymore, but i happen to love mine. My two favorite lens are my zoom lens 55-200mm and my new 35mm prime lens. Most of my pics i do with the zoom lens but it is horrible in low light so i have to use a flash that i put my hand over to dull the brightness. My new 35mm prime lens is amazing in dim rooms and any other low light situation.
Q.How do you get your great shots, mine always look so posed?
A great shot often surprises me usually for every great shot i post there was 50 bad ones. I set my camera to allow rapid shutter release and when my kids are playing or whatever i start snapping, and snapping fast. I usually catch them when they look up at me or turn their attention and that is when the money shot happens. I never say look at me guys, say cheese smile. All i would get is bad preschooler smiles that usually look more like a growl.
It also takes work, getting to their level makes all the difference in the world. It can be embarrassing to lay on the sidewalk at times, but it is worth it.

I was laying in the sand on my stomach to get this shot, so she copied me
Q. I love all your feet shots, what is your obsession?
Trust me I'm not obsessed with feet i just like to document, isn't that what family photography is. I want to remember all the little shoes and little hands. These details we forget, so sometime stepping out of the photography box and just photographing the hands or the feet makes the most beautiful picture. Those pics are often my favorite.

Q. I love the color in your pics is it the camera the lens or the post editing?
All of the above. I'm obsessed with light especially that deep heavy sun when it is setting and reflects of everything. I set my camera to adapt to different lighting situations, and i try to never ever use my flash. I learned a lot about that here on this site. After that is all said and done and i have a great shot it is the editing that takes it over the edge causing the picture, in my opinion, to pop.

Q. How do you edit your pics what are your tricks.
I use Photoshop.... I know that stung you wanted me to say i used a simple program anyone can use, but Photoshop and i have a long standing relationship. I learned Photoshop in college and Ive been obsessed ever since. It has been the most useful thing to learn in so many ways. I make my editing simple as possible, because it can consume your time. I usually adjust my curves first that in itself does wonders for a pic.

Then i run an action. An action is a program you purchase to supplement Photoshop with one click it does all the adjustments for you. Then you can adjust individually from there. If you don't know Photoshop this probably sounds like Greek, sorry. I would recommend trying Photoshop elements if you are serious about photography i hear it is an easier simplified Photoshop. If you are serious about photography then i highly recommend a Photoshop class.
Raw

Adjusted Curves

With a Photoshop Action

Q. Do you think photography editing is cheating, any photo can look good if you know your way around a computer?
First of all its a total package. Good camera, Great lens, Amazing shot, Awesome editing. Editing is just part of photography, when i took it 20 years ago in High School all the editing was done in the dark room, burn more here, lighten more here. Now its all done on the computer.

This pics were taken within seconds of each other
Q. Do you really shlep that huge SLR with you everywhere?
Yes and no. It really is big and in the way. I have knocked my kids on the head with it more times then i care to admit, and broke a lens dropping it. I really need to invest in a camera bag, but the thought of carrying around one more bag is mind boggling. So for now i don't have an answer, sometimes when I'm just not in the mood to lug the thing i use my iPhone. It has amazing apps like Instagram that satisfy my photography needs when lugging is not the stars.
Q. Can you recommend a point and shoot that takes great pics.
Honestly i have no idea i really don't know much about photography, but when i was in California my cousin had this great point and shoot, the Canon Power Shot G12 that took amazing close ups and had a tilt-shift setting that was so cool it made everything look like it was in the beginning scenes of Mr.Rodgers neighborhood. Here is a quote from my cousin: "The nice thing is that it shoots in RAW, has auto bracketing, HDRI, and a built-in tilt shift feature. It's used by most professionals as their secondary when they don't feel like lugging around the SLR. You can also fit it with full-size lenses if you get the adapter."
I hope this answered most of your question. Happy Picture taking!

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Yud Shevat!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:20:00 +0000

Today is Yud Shevat the previous Rebbe's Yahrtzeit and the day the Lubavitcher Rebbe became our Rebbe. All day Ive been thinking what can i do, what more does the Rebbe and Hashem want from me, but then my day got busy i had diapers to change, kids to dress. I had meals to serve and others to prepare for Shabbos. All day we sung the Rebbe's niggunim, we gave tzedakah and read the twelve pesukim. We went shopping, and we wore our very best clothes and felt a little overdressed loading grocery's in our van. In the end I decided that this is giving the Rebbe nachas, this is what a chassid and a mother is. We think of our Rebbe when driving, and teach our kids ,the next generation, to look at this humble tzadik as their guide, and that to me is Yud Shvat. Good Shabbos everyone.

My little brown town

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 01:41:00 +0000

Here i am sitting in my home that always has a chill to it no matter how high the heat is on. Its 60 degrees out today, but my house still feels like it is thirty. I know this has more to do with needing to replace the windows and its age, old homes are just drafty.

I'm wishing i was sitting on the beach right now or drinking coffee on my parents deck looking out to the ocean. I think my trip was too much of a weather tease and it made coming home harder then i thought it would be.

Our plane landed home and it had snowed, but the snow was melting to a brown slush. The air was tight and cold and there was not one ounce of green, just brown, and i started to cry.

I wish the weather did not dominate my life as much as it did, but when you come from a mild climate where the weather is either warm or hot, it is hard to adjust.

(my brother)
When i got to California i got sick. My doctor says my weakened immune system can not handle the airplane.

(Dovie took this picture)
My last plane trip to Florida resulted in a deep rooted cough that kept me up most nights, and lasted for 2 months. This time i got a sinus infection to top all previous sinus infections i regularly get, and strep throat.

I have actually never had strep throat as an adult and let me tell you this is no take some antibiotics and it will get better, this is a full fledged infection. I'm talking bone pain, ear pain, mouth sores, and a locked jaw. I ate nothing and cried to my husband on the phone that this was the most painful thing in the world, and i wasn't exaggerating.

It took two different antibiotics a trip to the emergency room and some steroids to bring this bad boy down, and i honestly i just stared feeling back to myself yesterday. Now here is the strange part, ok not so strange, but i would do it all again just to have warm weather and the beach.

(my mom)

(and my dad)
My mom commented that i was such a trooper through my medical ordeal, but palm trees and ocean sunsets can bring the trooper out in anyone. Dead trees and brown slushy snow/mud just don't bring on trooper mentality.
It brings on a "i'm not leaving my bed and you cant make me" mentality. So what is this girl to do?

( my niece Chloe, is she not stunning?)
I wish i had an answer, i wish my husband could work in the west coast, but he cant. I wish i could adapt, but i have tried and so far i cant. I just feel like if I'm going to deal with infections, with illness, with a low immune system, why cant it be on the beach?

( her big sister Sophia, again gorgeous, i do not see these girls enough!)
Is that asking for too much? I know it sounds a little spoiled.
I need to make a choice. I can accept where i live. I can accept that the people here are wonderful and the community is my support system that i wouldn't know what to do without. I can accept that i have made lifelong friends here that i love with all my heart. I also need to daven, i need Hashem to help me with this choice to accept, because i have been put here in this little brown town for a reason.

I often wonder if i would appreciate the ocean, the desert, the weather as much without this life lesson. I know spring will be here soon and the green will work its way back in. I also know that forever is a long time and living here now doesn't mean forever.

Well i guess i could always buy a summer home, i know i know the spoiled coming out again.

---------------------------(this line is me changing the subject)----------------
I was wondering if you could all take a minute and vote for my son's school. This school is close to my heart because i was one of the founders and had a vision for a cheder here in Baltimore. That little basement beginnings they talk about in the video, well that was my basement. I left the school when i had Rozie and chose to devote my time and energy to her needs, but it still very close to my heart. Thanks!
Check it out. I just rated [How parents help our Cheder grow!] on the Day School Video Academy Awards. #JDSVA #jed21

My summer winter

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:19:00 +0000

We are home!!! I plan to make an entire post about our trip to California including my adventure with strep throat and plane rides alone with two little ones. For now enjoy this bit of winter summer pics to hold you over. Have a wonderful Shabbos!

( This is in front of my parents house, doesn't it look like a storybook?)

Ocean hoping through age

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 02:00:00 +0000

One day i looked in the mirror, actually i looked at a picture and it just didn't look like me. I looked different, and i looked well....old. I know i know i don't look old, but something about my face is changing. I cant actually pin point it. I can't say oh i have more wrinkles here or deeper lines there. I just look different. I am lucky to come from a family that ages later then most, but later aging is still inevitable aging.

(mind you these pics are highly edited)
I have never looked my age and i always attributed that to part genes and part personality, but my personalty isn't getting me out of this change. I wish i could figure out what it is because im sure there is a cream for it, but im not sure what cream to buy. They don't make a cream for ladies pushing forty who just look different. I don't know, i blame part of this sudden change on the chemo and the rest on my age. Sooner or later im going to look completely different and i will barely recognize myself. It happens to all of us and no cream or serum is invented yet to bring back your disappearing self. No matter what you inject, nip and tuck you cant go back to this

Now i could dye my hair like this again, but the skin will never again look like that.

This is a new stage in my life a new form of acceptance. I need to accept that my face has damage from chemo the poison shows through my skin. I also need to accept that i am no longer that twenty year old girl with the curly headed blond baby under my arm, that baby is almost 17. I am working on it, but acceptance of oneself to me is the hardest mountain to climb. Don't you think?
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I want to let everyone know so you don't worry. I am going on a jet plane this time for real. I am taking a well needed vacation to visit with family in California. I will be gone over two weeks and cant guarantee a blog post in between. My parents version of computer software, is a cozy soft outfit to wear while trying to figure out that darn internet. Honestly i don't know if I'll even have time between ocean hoping and Disney trips with the kids, but ill check in here an there on the Facebook page.
Make sure you like MyShtub on Facebook because if you cant find me here im always there.

Is 2012 gray?

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 02:59:00 +0000

We all struggle trying to find our place in the world. I know personally i am always on the search. Where do i stand, how do i feel about that, what am i allowing in my home. We all do this and it doesn't matter if you are religious, secular, or just whatever, we all search. This concept starts to creep up in my life even more when the holidays also creep up. I'm constantly trying to find my barriers and my lines. What do i feel comfortable with and what has stepped over the line.

I love lights and all the homes decorated in the beautiful sparkles, but as a religious Jew do i take my children on a tour to see the lights? I don't know. These colorful lights have become my gray. I think things like this become even more gray when there is no religious significance to the holiday, such as 4th of July or New Years.

Do i celebrate and pop open a bottle of kosher champagne? Kiss all my loved ones as we ring in 2012? I don't know. If i had the answer to this i think it would bring ease to a lot of us. The problem is this, there is nothing bothersome to me about the New Year accept for the fact that i celebrated it a few months ago. Not only did i celebrate Rosh Hashana( the Jewish New Year)with festive meals and wonderful company, but i internalized it, i davened from my heart, i pleaded with Hashem for a better year. I shook with emotion and tears, as the Shofar was blown. How do i go from this to watching people get drunk as a large ball drops from the NY sky. I wish i had an answer. To be honest i didn't even know it was New years.

This year it landed on Saurday night. We had guests and a full house Shabbos day ( Saturday) and also Shabbos was Hey Teves, because of these reasons New Years just wasn't on my mind. I didn't realize until i opened up Facebook, lol.

(This is Rozie and her Frienship Circle Volunteer check out our Baltimore Chapter here)
Another issue i have is the fact that i use a Hebrew calender. I can tell you my kids Hebrew birth dates but when the pharmacist asks me for the English dates i draw a blank. This is just my own personal issue, my brain has the ability to only store so much and two birth dates is more then my brain can handle. Along with remembering that Dovie and Rozie are actually Nechama and Avrum ( their first names) and when the doctor calls out such names i should respond.

Hebrew Birthdays are important to me simply because this is the day that Hashem celebrates your bithday and i like to celebrate along with him by giving extra tzedaka, taking on a new mitzvah, and learning more Torah.

So what do i do? How do i find my place as a religious Jew in the secular world. I think the best answer in these situations is feel it out. Setting things in stone with words like i would never or i always are not such a great idea, especially for gray areas. This year i didn't celebrate New Years, but i wanted to at least acknowledge that even though 5772 has been around for a few months, 2012 is also a significant.
12 things i would like to accomplish in 2012
1. Stay healthy and avoid hospital visits. 2011 was full of bad health, and im not interested in that for 2012
2. Visit my family on the West Coast. My family has been coming here a lot because of my health. This year im going there, actually next week!
3. Eat more fruit. I actually don't like fruit very much, but i really should be eating it.
4. Drink less soda, oh i love the stuff even though it is liquid poison
5. Try to just enjoy it all the good, bad, and the ugly, just love it
6. Dance more in the kitchen with my kids, actual hands in the air out of breath dancing!
7. Spend more time being crazy, i do this already but there is always room for more craziness
8. Be better at returning emails, phone calls, texts, voice mail, Facebook messages, and comments, and do it all while I'm running around being even more crazy
9. Say more no. I know this sounds weird but i say yes to everything, all things asked of me, and usually i burn out. This crazy girl sometimes needs to say no
10. I need to say I Love you to all i love about a 1000 times more a day
11. Travel Travel travel!
and now the big one..... the idea that turned into a hope to dream
12. I pray that in 2012 Hashem will bless us with a new baby in our home with a little extra chromosome like our Rozie. I dont know how or who or what or when. I just know i want this, actually need this. I also know that this baby will have to be born to another mother because my body can not carry a baby right now. I daven that somehow in 2012 Hashem will guide our family on a path to a little one that needs this crazy dancing loud family.
Happy New year loved ones, I love you all! Look at that I'm already working on goal number 10!

and who knows maybe next year there will be an awesome party i cant pass up.

Over gifted and dollar tea

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 22:13:00 +0000

So i had this plan i was going to go to NY and see the sites take a million pics and post them all here. I was going to write about how the light of Chanukah shines through no matter where you are.

I was going to show off pictures of Rozie with her favorite guy, Uncle Moishy. I was going to snap away as my little ones played the huge piano in Fao Schwarz. I was going to record Rozie's face as she walked into the American Girl doll store for the first time. Well none of this happened. Rozie got a fever as soon as we touched NY soil. We also discovered she has a horrific fear of her favorite child singer, and huddled in fear from good ol Uncle Moishy. We never made it to Fao Schwarz, or the American Girl Doll store because this mommy forgot that it was x-mas on Sunday and all our favorite spots would be closed, but have no fear folks Starbucks was open. Needless to say things didn't turn out the way i planned, and we left early to bring a sick baby home to the comfort of her own bed and her own doctor that knows my little girl like the back of his medically blessed hand. I did have one awesome highlight to the trip i got to meet my favorite singer and online friend in real life. Can you guess who it is? Here is a hint......

Now im wishing NY was a bit closer. Great meeting you Chanale till next time....

This Chanukah was a learning experience for me. Remember here I told you guys i was trying out the gift a night thing for my kids for Chanukah this year, and i have to say it was a huge mistake. I had this plan that my kids would get this cuddly warm feeling about the gifts, and we would all light Menorah together open a gift and bask in the glow of the days of light.

Instead my kids only wanted to light the Menorah so we could get to the present part. They even started getting a little chutzpah towards the end about what they got, and asked for things to be returned when they didn't like them. The presents became somewhat of a obsession and i was biting the inside of my cheek not to lose it with them. The last straw for me was when my middle one got some gelt ( money) and he wanted to go right away to buy more toys with the money. I kept telling him to be patient and we would go later but he wouldn't let it go and asking me on an hourly basis when we could go. Im telling you i turned around to see my sweet boy sitting in a pile of new toys whining to go to the store to buy more. Ok that really didn't happen but it felt like it did,and i wasn't recognizing who my kids had become.

Next year we are not doing the scheduled present thing. Not sure what i will do but this year will not be replayed. Its amazing how quickly a little over consumption can change a person. The strange thing was i didn't go overboard. Its not like i bought them a PlayStation and new bikes.

It was little trinkets like a harmonica and a little doll bed the size of a small shoe box. It didn't matter they liked the idea and they wanted and wanted more. The last night i was so fed up that i gave Dovie a candy Lolly he always asks for in the market and a tiny tea set for Rozie i bought in the Rite Aid dollar section. Dovie looked at me and said this is it , and i looked back and said ya if you don't want it im sure Rozie would. Not one of my prouder parenting moments, but i was fed up. Rozie happened to love her tea set that had tea cups big enough to sit on the tip of my finger.

I had one just like it as a child and i cherished it. I really think i could of split the set up and given her a piece of the set each night and she would of been happy. Oh next year, next year. So between NY fevers, Uncle Moishy fear, over gifted kids, and a not so happy mommy this has been a Chanukah to remember. With all that said i was sad to see it go. I am sad to put the Menorahs away and take the Menorah off the car.

Chanukah is like that a golden path that even if the steps of the way are a little hard to walk on, and you slip on the shiny substance, it is still easy to see what is ahead. This is Chanukah, a light and it glows no matter what else is in its path. I hope each and every one of you found your Chanukah path and filled your hearts with the glow.Till next year my friends!

Nest eggs

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 16:33:00 +0000

So we are leaving on a jet plane, ok not really.

(Chaya N. these pics are for you!)
We are leaving to New York in a broken down mini van that i have a permanent bruise on my hand from the door. Does that count? We are going to spend time with my husband's family and going to the Crown Heights friendship circle party.

I will be walking the streets of Crown Heights ( that sounded bad, at least i didn't say working)so please come say hi i would love to meet all of you!
Night number two of Chanukah has brought one big brother home from Yeshiva and my nest is now complete again.

I love it when all my eggs are in a row.

I hope everyone's Chanukah is beautiful and bright and may each and everyone of us be inspired by this light to grow, heal and find simcha and everything good during these 8 days of miracles!

I will post again next week after our trip!!
Chabad of Downtown Baltimore has that amazing 30 foot Menorah right by the harbor go check it out and tell them i sent you!
Also Chanukah Wonderland is in full swing, so much fun stuff to do with the kinderlach! Here is the schedule

Im not immune from drama!

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 04:36:00 +0000

Have you ever had one of those weeks. You know where something so little and stupid just snowballs into something huge and the next thing you know that stupid little thing is now the Abominable Snowman. You cant sleep and you are wasting so much physical and mental energy on this drama.

Ughhhhhhhh that was me last week, but here is the clincher. My body just physically can not handle stress. Stress causes my immune system to break down, and as you guys know i don't have a immune system to break down. So when i get stressed i not only mentally anguish over it but my body also becomes physically ill. That was me last week, sick and stressed. Lovely. I tried so hard to move past this ridiculous situation but no matter what i did i couldn't escape it.

It was my personal plague. No matter how many times i said im done with this im moving on, there it was hiding around the corner all germy and plague like. So that is where i was last week. No blog post, no update just me and my drama. Sorry guys.
Now here i am a week later and im over it. This little bug that wouldn't leave me alone just suddenly vanished with the miracle of time. Thank Gd. Now if i could get my body physically back to where it was that would be even better.

Chanukah has been all the uproar in my little shtub. We have the car Menorah up and we are ready. I decided to do something this year that i usually don't do. I chose to give my kids Chanukah gifts. I know it sounds crazy but usually they get a few tokens and some gelt, but this year i changed my mind. I am not against gift giving i just don't like that it can take away from the real miracle of Chanukah. I want my kids to jump for joy as we light the Menorah and eat yummy foods. I don't want my kids associating Chanukah with gifts only. So what changed this year? I don't know i just had this childhood memory of all the Chanukah gifts from my childhood all wrapped up on the ledge waiting to be opened. I remember painstakingly trying to decide which one to open each night. I also remember the life lesson of good things also come in small packages. One year i opened the tiniest gift last thinking it was nothing special, only to discover a small clock in the shape of Pac-Man, that was hands down the coolest present i got.

I guess i also wanted these memories for my children, so this year we are trying it out, who knows what i'll do next year. What i do know is that Dovie claimed the tiny $2 Lego set i got him was "EXACTLY" what he wanted, and Rozie insisted on sleeping with the new doll she got that came with the tiny brush. Now those are memories im wrapping up.
On a side note i made the cutest little thank you gift for Rozie's therapist and i had to share. A little dreidel set in a jar. Cute as a button! I got the idea from here check it out.

Hope everyone will have a happy and HEALTHY Chanukah!
Mazel Tov to Naomi on winning the Mit Glick giveaway!

Giveaway!!!! With Mit Glick!

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 17:36:00 +0000

I am so excited about this giveaway. I recently got one of these new towels and i am in love. Let me first start by saying is they are softer then any towel i own, so yes Rozie has the nicest towel in the house,lol.

The are made from 100% bamboo which is 3-4 times more absorbent than cotton, and it is naturally antibacterial so no yucky towel smell in between washes.Then to top it off it is embroidered with a cute immage and the saying "Clean for Shabbos." I love that we always say that when my little ones take their Shabbos baths.

It is also unbelievable soft, did i mention that? You can order through Mit Glick's website or use their store locator to see if they are sold near you. Mit Glick is a new company and they really want to let you guys know about their products.So they are giving away a free towel to a MyShtub reader, and its very easy to win. All you have to do is..
1. Like Mit Glick on Facebook
2. Share Mit Glick on your wall
3. Check out Mit Glick's website

And of course dont forget to like MyShtub on facebbok too!
For each thing you do put in a separate comment to be entered. The more you do the more chances you have to win.
This giveaway will go for one week and will end Wednesday December 14th.
Good luck!!!

Winter sun

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 01:22:00 +0000

I apologize for leaving you all hanging, but honestly my last treatment took me down. I went in with a little cold and a lingering cough, but after a bunch of my white blood cells were destroyed my little cold and lingering cough became something big. Luckily a good dose of antibiotics and some much needed rest and i am back on the mend.

I missed a beautiful Shabbos of warm weather and bright sun. I hate to miss some good sun basking especially when it is due to this sickness. I have no tolerance for this chutzpah cell eating disease especially when it interrupts my spring and the few good days of winter i have left. Luckily Sunday brought me a bit of sun and i quickly grabbed my trusty camera before it went into hiding again.

Notice Rozie's baby doll. My mom made that for her when she was born. When i saw it i gave my mother one of those one eyebrow lifted looks. Needless to say Rozie loves it more then any of her other babies that actually look like dolls, and sleeps with it snug under her arm every night.

Notice how sweet Dovie is being to his beloved sister in all these pics. Nope he loved the way her faux fur coat felt, and he is actually petting it in the pics. Hey at least it looks like sibling love, ill take whatever i can get, people.

I do actually have some very exciting news for you guys, not just babbling. We have an amazing new sponsor. Mit Glick a wonderful company that makes these gorgeous and extremely soft 100% Bamboo towels for babies that say "Clean for Shabbos." Is that not the cutest. Well tomorrow i will be posting a giveaway with your chance to win one. Stay tuned!!!!

Saline mints

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 02:11:00 +0000

We went to the zoo this Sunday to bask in the decent weather. Lift my nose to the sun and breathe in the rays.

I needed to see my little ones faces as they peeked around the corners to see what animal was next.

We brought our friend Sara with us. A friend that will hopefully move into our little Shtub to help this mommy out.

Tomorrow is a treatment day for me. I go for these treatments every sixty days. Sort of like a maintenance therapy. They just want to make sure i am healthy and that i stay healthy. So i go in let them pump some scary stuff into my system for six hours, and hope my white cells behave. I will do this for 2 years, every sixty days. Really its not much of an inconvenience and i try to make the best of this situation. I get comfy in my chair pile on some blankets, get my Ipad out, and relax for 6 hours. Ok so i at least try to relax. This has been my new mountain to climb. Relaxing around doctors. Usually it goes like this. I go for some monthly blood work and as I'm waiting for the results my heart starts to race and i start to panic. Needless to say the heart monitor I'm attached to goes crazy and i end up spending a few extra hours in the hospital while the doctors monitor my heart to make sure i am not having another underlying condition. What is such a bummer is i bring this on myself. My blood work appointment should actually take about half an hour but because of my new found doctor fear i takes a lot longer. I hate this and it has been taking over my medical life.

I get anxiety when i take the kids in for well checks and actually have been avoiding some important check ups Rozie needs. My anxiety has taken over, and it is not for without reason. I always saw myself as shatterproof, nothing like that would happen to me, and now the hard reality is I'm not. My security blanket in life has been taken away, my safety net. I have never feared doctors, hospitals, or blood work, now just the smell of Sinai hospital makes me sway. This is not working well for me. I go to Sinai at least once a month, and collapsing over its smell is not the way to make a grand entrance. " I'm here!" plop. Things have to change. I have to let it go and accept. I have to know that whatever the doctors tell me i can handle. Shoot I've handled a lot already. I also have to realize and accept that not every doctor visit will result in a new c-word diagnosis for myself, and G-d forbid my kids. We will continue to have rashes, stuffy noses, fevers and coughs, and those are just that stuffy noses, fevers, rashes, and coughs. I hate that my safety net has been removed, but just because its gone doesn't mean that i cant still land on my feet.

Tomorrow i will walk in armed and standing tall. I will bring an extra cozy blanket and a few mints so i don't have to taste the saline flush through my port.I refuse to let this take me down mentally and physically. Hashem has already been so kind and lifted so much of my burden. I hope now i can lift mine and just trust him.

The Tantrum Whisperer

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 18:08:00 +0000

I'm sitting here Thanksgiving day in a very quiet house. I can hear the hum of the washer, and i can smell the fabric sheets that are twirling in the dryer. My Rozie is asleep and my husband and Dovie are getting bagels.

This quiet at times is all i need to settle my mind and rest my spirit, but other times this quiet can eat away at my spirit and force my brain to do the dryer sheet dance. I like the noise i like the sounds that my house creates i take my energy from it.

I recently lost my voice for about two weeks, and it is not 100% back. I caught a little bug that took my voice and gave me a cough in its place. Now when i say i lost it i seriously lost it. There was nothing there, not even a scratch. This became quite a phenomenon in our house as simple things i do on a daily basis became impossible.

Morning singing and davening weren't the same in lip sync form. Giggles and tickles were silent puffs of air. It all became almost surreal. I am the talker, the mover, and shaker of this house. I lead my troops with a strong voice directing my family into life,"you, solider, boots and back pack on, and you mini solider, find me your shoes, double time!" These words were no longer, and instead i became primal, almost child like.

I stated grunting and signing, and a lot of banging. If i was upstairs and i needed something i couldn't give a quick yell "Charles could u please bring me my brush." Instead, i would bang on the wall until he realized that sound meant "mom in need." Then with an array of gestures and mouthing of words my desperate husband would figure out that all those gestures, grunts, and bangs meant brush. I bet he is regretting not watching the Signing Times videos now. The whole situation was getting out of control.

Then something happened i started to notice our home shift. The quiet in my voice became a new quiet in our home. The kids stared whispering back to me. "Mommy can i please have something to drink" in a quiet whisper. What was strange is i already knew this trick. I know that when my kids meltdown its best to whisper to them. My calm brings their calm. That trick is old skool in this house.

When Dovie and now Rozie start to have one of their toddler/ preschool moments, i usually whisper in a calm voice "i understand you are upset but you must calm down before we can work it out." Then in the same whisper i count " 5, 4, 3, 2, 1." This is my magic trick, my tantrum whisper. Hey does that make me the Tantrum Whisperer? So how would i not know that my daily whisper would also bring a new calm to my home.

My voice has come back now but its still scratchy, but i kind of like it. My house is back to the normal hustle and bustle and i love it. I love the voices and Dovie's non stop singing. I love the pitter patter, jumping, and running. I drink this energy up like coffee. But i also miss my weeks of whispering. It gave me a rest i needed to get my voice back and fight my unwanted bug. Maybe mommy will lose her voice again, one day.....

Belly Dancing!

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 18:21:00 +0000

I know we all say this, but seriously how did time fly by so fast? How did my little newborn boy turn five. I can still remember being pregnant with him like it was yesterday.

Sitting in Shul the size of a whale watching my stomach shake like jello as my wild child never stopped movin. I shouldn't had been so surprised when he came into this world with a bang and has never stopped , not once.

My little guy walked at 9 months. Was running by a year, and climbing tall buildings by two. He keeps us laughing all night long, and running after him all day long.

Every day i look into his big blue eyes the color of the sky, and fall in love over and over again.

The little one we waited so long for, the little one we needed more than water, the little one that broke the cycle of sadness with his belly dancing.

Happy 5th Birthday my sweet angel boy, we needed you and your energy , you woke us all up!

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Dovie is the Lego master just like his big brother,so when i asked him what we were doing for his Birthday it was obvious. A Lego Party!

1. Lego Cupcakes with Leggo face toppers
2. Lego candy pieces: Candy Blox - 11 Lb Case
3. Fruit Cups: Chopped up fruit in individual portions, perfect for little hands
4. Popcorn with melted chocolate on top, and multi colored lentils
5. Paper snack cups: Regency Pack of 24 Tulip Standard Baking Cups, White
6. Huge Lego head centerpiece: Blip Toys Lego Sort And Store

To make the large Lego display. I covered tissue boxes with paper and cut the bottom of a plastic disposable cup off and covered with coordinating paper to make the circles on top. So easy and cute!

We played games, including a Lego search. We hid the pieces and they searched so much fun and so simple. I gave prizes to everyone!

We played it a few times because they loved it so much.

Mazel Tov Sweet Boy!

(BTW Dovie picked out his Birthday "look" including the fake glasses and rain boots, gotta love this kid!)

Thinking inside the box

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:52:00 +0000

Meal time is a struggle in our home.Everyone likes different things. One wants it cut this way the other cut that way but with no sauce. I often feel like a short order cook." Ok you ( flipping my knife in the air) how do you like it, small pieces, well done, over easy, and what about you mushy or crispy, hold the dressing?". My oldest was my first picky of all picky eaters i think he ate three certain foods through his formative years. Luckily his teen hunger has taken over and his pickiness is trumped by the need to clear out all the food in the fridge and pantry in one seating, and still be the skinniest kid on the block.

My Dovie is now the champion of food strikes. Words like gross, disgusting, and good ol yuck, were so common in his vocab that one of his teachers taught him to say, its not my taste. This is more polite , but it still breaks this Jewish mother's heart when every meal is joined with a sweet little voice saying "its not my taste". I needed to find a solution, honestly i just needed to get some food in this kids stomach. I started feeding him garbage, pure junk food, because at least he wasn't running on empty. This was not a solution and hard on my good parenting soul.
Then i had an idea....

There are a few foods Dovie will eat. For some reason he likes veggie sushi. He also likes peanut butter and honey sandwiches ( dont ever bring jelly around this kid). He likes apples as long as they are cut up, and he likes the kid basics: cheese, crackers, pizza,chips, and chocolate. I decided i was going to make his lunches with his healthy versions of his favorite foods in a small less overwhelming package.

I decided to go Bento style, the Japanese way of packing meals, and it worked . He came home from school for the first time ever with an empty lunch box. He told me he loved his lunch and ate every bit of it up. I couldn't believe this worked and ever since i have been devoted to making him his little lunch packages.
What i use..
1.LunchBots Pico Stainless Steel Lunch Container
2. Silicone cupcake liners, bought at TJMax, or Wilton 415-9400 Easy Flex Silicone 3-Inch Reusable Baking Cups, 12 Count
3. A really sharp chopping knife. Like Kuhn Rikon 4-Inch Nonstick Colori Paring Knife, Set of 3
I wouldnt even waste your time with another brand, seriously i love my knifes.
4. Small cookie cutter shapes

I know you are looking at these pics and saying there is no way i can do this. Trust me you can. I am not a fan of the kitchen i would eat out any day, but somethings are more important. I one day made the choice to feed my children in a healthier way. Sometimes to accomplish these things you have to think outside of the box, or step inside one. Who knew?

My Jewish heart now rests easy knowing my little guy has enough fuel to get him through the day.
* Edited... i am adding some more info here on how to pack this kind of lunch instead of emailing everyone back. I hope that is ok? The two most common questions i have gotten are "How do you keep from everything sliding around" and " Why is plastic not safe"?
1. The trick to keep from everything mixing is packing everything very tight and all the way to the top. I use the silicone liners to keep everything even snugger. I make sure everything is packed all the way to the lid. This help with the sliding. If you notice i put the cucumber salad in a tiny tuperware ( i am still trying to find a non-plastic version). I put its own lid on ( not pictured) before i put the boxes main lid. My son had complained a few times that the dressing leaked onto his other food, so i started using the tupperware to prevent leakage.I also put the box in a upright lunch box, but i assume there has been some moving in transport. When i first started doing this i would check when we got to school and as long as i packed it tight it was good.
2. Why no plastic? Plastic has toxins that can leak into food. You can read more about it here. We are not completely plastic free, but i try including using glass bottles for Rozie when she was a baby.

Home is where?

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 01:01:00 +0000

I'm back from Florida and i have to admit i was a little down to come home. This summer girl was in Florida weather heaven.

I came home to cold, windy, and wet weather. I wanted to grab my kids run back to the airport while yelling we'll see you on Shabbos to my husband, trust me i was tempted.

Luckily home is full of warm things i do love. I missed my bed , even with that one darn spring that keeps popping up.

I love the little faces that live in this home. It doesn't mater if it is rain or shine when you have two little lights running around spreading their little rays wherever they go.

While i laid awake in the night feeling that strange this is not my bed kind of feeling, i realized that i want my home to be where my kids are where my family is, and for now that is in Baltimore.

With its cold weather and warm friends. With its leaves that pile up quicker than you can blow them away.

With its cloudy gloomy days, and its sunny days that make the orange, yellow, and red trees flare up like a fire against the blue sky.

This is my home.
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I want to thank North Miami Beach N'shei for hosting me and putting on such a wonderful event. Your community is a such a warm friendly place it made coming home hard.

It Snowed!!!! and flower tutorial

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 21:23:00 +0000

Yes it snowed here. All Shabbos actually. It never stuck but it was relentless and snowed the entire day. It was trying its hardest to collect on any flat surface. I don't even have words for this. I was trying to prepare myself for fall, and bam it smacks me in the face. I'm hoping this was a fluke and the next national news will read "Baltimore is having an unseasonable warm winter, its like summer in December". Hey a girl can dream.
I ended up buying new shoes because when Hashem sends you snow, when all you want is sunshine then at least you can buy shoes. Wasn't that such a line you would see on a fridge magnet.

My kids were desperate for warm clothes and honestly i have been procrastinating buying them . I quickly ran to my favorite boutique, Target, and was on a search for warmth. Rozie needed sweaters and all i could find were some in the boys section. I picked up a gray hoodie and thought this is so unisex and bought it( seriously it was $8), but when i got home i couldn't do it. After two boys i don't want unisex,i want ruffles, flowers....give me PINK!!! I grabbed my scrap bag and went to work. It was so easy and fun i thought of buying more "unisex" sweaters just so i can fab them up. Here is a simple tutorial so you can ruffle up your little ones, or even yourself.....

Here is what you need:
1. Scarp washable fabric*
2. Needle and thread
3. Scissors
( that is it!)
First cut your scraps into coordinating strips. It doesn't matter how wide because u are going to trim anyways.

Next you will tie a knot at the end of your strip

Now you are going to sew a simple in an out stitch. It doesn't have to be even. Anyone can do this, sewing talent is not needed. Once you have sewn down the entire strip pull your thread and gather.

As you are gathering start to curve your fabric into a circle/flower shape, with the knot in the middle

Once you have gathered and shaped the flower to your liking knot off the end to hold it in place. You will now need to trim your flower all around. This gives it a more even uniform look i took about an inch off my flowers. Then you will simply hand sew it onto the sweater making sure to sew down the center knot nice and secure. Now make a few more flowers and place them in a fun little bunch.

Now this next step is totally unnecessary, but due to my tendency to be a bit OCD i couldn't let it go. The sweater had a blue seam inside that just did not match the new look.

If i was smart i would of picked fabrics that accented this blue but i wasn't thinking. I took another strip of fabric and hand stitched it again with a simple in an out stitch, but making sure my stitches are very even steven this time. Creating a perfect lining that really only i can see, but at least i'll sleep at night.

Seriously can this girl get any cuter, and such a shame that i was going to put a plain "unisex" sweater on this little sunshine. Now she'll have some flowers to get through the cold months ahead. Wish us luck.

* Just a note your fabric will fray some in the wash because of the unfinished edges. I personally like this look but to prevent fraying you would need to stitch the edges with a fold over or finishing stitch.
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Just another friendly reminder if your going to be in Miami come and say Hi, I'd love to meet you!

Good Shabbos !

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 20:47:00 +0000

The chicken is cooked, The Challah is baked. The muffins are cooling, and all the salads have been chopped. I am ready for Shabbos!
This Shabbos it is suppose to snow ( yes already). To sooth my upset over the forecast i decided to pull some crafts out that have been calling my name. I created some cute cute cute embellishments for this otherwise drab sweater. Want to embellish your own? Well stay tuned a tutorial is coming. Good Shabbos!

Red leaf candy

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 18:11:00 +0000

I had one of those mornings today. I actually have been having a few of those mornings. Yesterday i didn't set my iPad alarm properly .

Today i left the headphones in so i didn't hear it go off. I have been waking up late and very annoyed. My house is chilly in the early morning, and that first step onto the cold wood floors usually causes my to say words that i shouldn't.

The sun has been unusually low in the sky, making the mornings a bit gloomy. Winter is coming. I hope when the clocks change it will help. I still don't understand the whole clock changing concept, because Arizona is one of the few places that doesn't change their clocks.

Anyways back to my morning. Since i woke up late, and the sun was not out in full force, and because it was cold, i was in a foul mood. I tripped over Dovie and snapped at him. Rozie threw her cup across the room and i snapped at her. I couldn't find needed coats and or sweaters, and i quickly gave up on the hat search. I could feel the tears burning my eyes as i guzzled my coffee hoping for some relief.

How is this summer girl going to make it through another winter? I need to smell chlorine and sunscreen like i need to breathe air. I need warm sun beating on me at least 10 hours a day. So i took the advice of a friend and i have complied a list of why i ~~love~~, ~~like~~, tolerate the fall.
1. The weather is not bitter cold,and that is somewhat better.
2. The changing leaf colors are actually quite amazing.

3. My little ones bundled up in their cozy sweaters is pretty sweet on the eyes.
4. Hot chocolate is not terrible, even though ill take a nice frosty coffee slush any day over it, but it still is yummy.
4. Our new outdoor fireplace. I bought this on a whim and it was worth the major clearance price i paid for it. Roasting marshmallows on the deck and warming my toes on a fire is pretty darn awesome.
5. The colors that fill the outdoors, green fields turning yellow, bright green leaves turning bold red, my eye can not resist that candy.

6. There is something to be said for that therapeutic feel of crackling leaves under your feet. I do enjoy squishing piles of them. Now who is cleaning these leaves up. Not me, tag your it.
7. The fact that this fall i will be going to Florida to enjoy their 80 degree fall to speak at the N'shei Chabad of North Miamai Beach. Check out the event here on Facebook and if you are in the area please come by and say hi, i would love to meet you.

Lastly, any time i get to spend with my sweet family in the cold, the heat, the rain, and even in the snow, is ten times better then the weather in the hospital. This time last year i was very ill and my body was giving out on me. I am so thankful to be able to get up every morning freeze my toes on our floors, and take care of what i need to do for the day. Last fall the colors of the season swam by me in a haze of sickness. I will not let that happen this year. Happy fall my dear friends and family, summer is right around the corner.

A Simple Sukkah in the fall

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 03:13:00 +0000

As much as i love summer i have to admit that i love our Sukkah in the fall. I love sitting in our cozy little Sukkah enjoying the weather.

I can feel the crisp in the air but the sun is still strong enough to warm me up. Its amazing how simply putting our dining room table into a small hut for 8 days can change our entire family dynamic.

The amount of time we are spending outside is priceless. There is nothing like enjoying my morning coffee while the little ones play on the swings in their PJs. The idea of morning PJ swinging never even crossed my mind before, but now its becoming a routine.
Cozy PJs with a warm sweatshirt and usually rain boots, because the are the quickest to slip on.

We spend a lot of time in our little hut. We play with legos, and read the paper. We eat snacks, and warm our toes on the mini outdoor fireplace. Its the coziness of camping with the luxury of going inside when its time for bed. Did i say how much i love Sukkos?

We keep our Sukkah simple, no decorations, just simple wooden walls and bamboo schach. I do have to admit i miss the palm leaves of Arizona. We do not decorate our temporary home because the mitzvah itself is so beautiful that adding more is not needed. I love that. I love Sukkos, did i mention that?

This year we have had so much fun. We went to our very first Baltimore Friendship Circle event, and had the very best time.

We also went to a pumpkin patch and got lost in all the fall colors. I love Sukkos, did i share that part yet?

Now my very special favorite time of year is coming to an end. So we will take our little hut down and put it away till next year. I will miss my mornings, but i think we will keep our PJ playground time. Have a wonderful Yom Tov!

(yup that's my big girl on a horse)

#3 Blessings

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 15:10:00 +0000

A few days before Yom Tov i took the kids out for bagels. I needed a break from cooking and its a big treat for them. We always see friends and i love vising and catching up in our local hub.

When we were leaving i saw a woman probably in 90s walk in with a nurse. She was bent over and had a walker. Her nurse helped her along and ordered for her. Something was familiar about this woman and i couldn't place it. I continued to chat with a friend but this woman's face would not escape my brain and i couldn't shake her image. Then it hit me like going on a roller coaster a million miles per hour. That hard and that quick.
When my Dovie was around 18 months old i put him in a playgroup. His high energy i will walk at 9 months, and run and climb the world at twelve months, needed the kid interaction big time. I went against my keep them home as long as possible under my protective mommy feathers, and I sent him to a playgroup.

I was also teaching preschool then so it was a win win. I quickly became friends with one of Dovie's teachers. She was sweet and warm the way a bubbe teacher should be. She really helped ease the pain of putting my baby in the arms of another. One evening i saw her out and she was with an older woman, she introduced us and told the woman to give me a brocha (blessing) for more children. I thought the situation was odd, but hey i was willing to take it where i could get it. This teacher explained to me that this woman ( i wish i could remember her name) gives blessings to childless couples, unmarried girls, and her blessings are often successful. Well I'm sure you know the ending to this story. Nine months later i received a bundle that was a blessing times 21. She was the baby i wasn't suppose to have.

What i find strange about this story was i completely forgot about this blessing. I never once thought about it during my pregnancy, and never did it come to mind after our little light entered our world. Then i saw her face and it hit me like a train, like a ton of bricks, like an slap in the face. I quickly ran over to her and in breath of excitement i showed her Rozie and said look you gave me a Brocha for her. Because of you i have this special Neshama.

She had aged since we spoke last and i wasn't able to understand her as much. She mumbled a few things about unmarried girls and how she likes to help them. Rozie then poked her little head over her walker and smiled one of her award winning smiles. The smile that melts everyone around her into little puddles of mush. They met eyes and I'm sure she remembered. I actually know she did. I walked out of that store holding my little Brocha, my little light. I felt her warm little arms around my neck and felt her sweet little face against mine, and all i could think was thank you Hashem.

#2 Raising Rozie

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 01:31:00 +0000

One of the most common questions I get is, "is it hard to raise a child with Down syndrome?" Really there is no perfect answer. Rozie has a very full schedule. She has many therapists and activities in the home and outside of the home. Mommy and me, physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and a special education teacher. I also worry about Rozie medically more than I do my other two. If Dovie gets a fever i usually wait it out and see how it goes. If Rozie gets a fever it is usually a rush to the doctor before it turns into something more. We have played that snow balling game a few times now and I've learned my lesson. Rozie has spent more time in the hospital and the ER then my other children and she has a higher chance of developing illnesses, even a very scary one that my other children are not as high of a risk for.

With that all said when it comes to day to day life, she really is just one of the kids. She loves dolls and cars, she loves her brothers and being part of the action. I honestly do not feel my life has been interrupted by her needs. Children have needs. Any child. Some more then others and some less, but they all have needs that can exhaust a parent to nothing. But we love our children with something fierce so we meet those needs, and the same goes for my little Rozie.

She is sweet as pie, and can be as ornery as any other two year old. She is active, and can be calm. She listens, sometimes follows directions nicely, and sometimes refuses to listen to a word I'm saying. She is cute as a button even when she has parked herself on the ground refusing to move in meltdown mode. To answer the question, "Is it hard to raise a child with down syndrome?" The answer is yes just like any other child. Parenting is hard, syndrome or not. I think we would all answer "yes" to that.
I love you my sweet kinder from the moon and back a million billion trillion times over.
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Have you joined the MyShtub facebook page its a great way to stay up to date with all that is going on in My Shtub. Check it out here

#1...31 for 21, can i do it???

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 02:02:00 +0000

October is Down syndrome awareness month and last year i attempted the 31 post for 21 challenge( the medical term for Down syndrome is Trisomy 21)but switched it to 21 for 21 because i knew 31 wasn't realistic with Shabbos and what not. This year i will try again but know realistically it wont happen due to Shabbos, Yom Kippur, Sukkos, and Simchas Torah all landing in the month of October, but i will try and that is all the counts, right?
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Today i had to go to Dovie's school early. Pick up is at 2:30 but i needed to be there at 2, on the dot. See today his school is going to have a fire drill and the loud sound is usually a perfectly mixed recipe for guaranteed meltdown, immobilizing fear, and many days of a traumatized child. We discussed the drill and how it was going to go, and i came to help him work through his fear. Thank Gd it went really well and due to all our preparations he was equipped to deal with what could have been a traumatic event. See Dovie has a lot of sensory issues and i have had him tested a few times, but he has never once qualified for services. I end up doing a lot of research and mooch off Rozie's therapist for ideas to help him cope. His sensory issues can really affect how he eats, sleeps, dresses, and functions in life.

Rozie does not have these issues. She will eat anything. Will wear whatever i put on her ( except for shoes and socks, but i think she gets that from her momma). She also loves new things and exciting sounds. She came with for the fire drill and insisted on trying to copy the sound of the alarm with a huge grin on her face. She loved the excitement. She loves huge carnival slides, Dovie cried. She loves people in costumes, Dovie has a horrible fear of them. Honestly Rozie has been my easiest child. She has an amazing disposition. Yet she is the child i received condolence phone calls for when she was born.

I guess my point is all 3 of my children have strengths and weaknesses. Each of my children bring joy and into my life and each one of them can wear my patience thin.
But Rozie is the one i have to advocate for the, the one i have to convince others is not so bad, but wonderful. She is the one that people give me sad eyes for, and nebach words.

She is the one that cause women to think about terminating a pregnancy when they are told the news they feared to be true. She is the one that people daven not to have. Yet she like my Dovie, like my Mel challenge me and surprise me. She sometimes fits the mold and often breaks it. She is an individual not just a Trisomy. I am so thankful that my Dovie is who he is , my Mel is exactly as he is, and my Rozie is exactly who she is with her extra chromosome and all.

The New Year.....

noreply@blogger.com (Sheva) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 18:15:00 +0000

I had these great plans. I was really going to write something amazing about Rosh Hashanah, about the New Year. I planned to write about how thankful i am to be entering this New Year with a sense of relief, i planned to write all about the hard year i had and how it turned out ok in the end , but i didn't write any of that.

Instead i suffered through my Yom Tov preparations, procrastinating to the very last moment. I shed actual tears at the market when i realized i could no longer push my cart filled to the top, and then i started crying more when i thought about loading and unloading the same cart with two little ones in tow. Then i had a full on melt down when i thought about actually cooking all the food.

I wasn't having a two year old tantrum because i just didn't want to push the cart anymore, or because loading groceries is not fun , but because i actually couldn't physically push the cart anymore. I was mad, frustrated, and burnt. I went home and had a few more fits. I ended up cooking a ridiculous amount of food with a scowl, and lit my Yom Tov candles in a flurry. I was mad at my situation and honestly i was a bit, ok a lot, pissed at Hashem. I was mad about the year i had and that anger turned into fear, fear of what the next year has in store. I fear for what is written in that big book this year.

I went to Shul and i davened with my children and watched them light up every time the Shofar was blown. I explained things to them and enjoyed their New Year excitement. I personally kept quiet , i didn't want to daven because i feared i would spend a lot of time scolding Hashem and that is not what i need to be doing. I had a hard day first day Yom Tov and i tossed and turned all night.

The next morning wasn't any better, but i packed the little ones up and back to Shul we went. I decided to take a turn and walk past my favorite street through my favorite neighborhood.

I was not in a hurry. I slowly walked under a canopy of green trees that were starting to change colors, but just on the top. Reds, yellows, and browns peeking through the green. The grass literally glowed neon green from all the rain we have been having, and the sun was shining through reflecting off everything.

It was something out of a movie, something you would see on a postcard, or in a famous painting. It was was breathtakingly beautiful. There are no other words. I went to Shul feeling better, for no reason then i just did. I was still scared and angry but for some reason i felt ok with it. Like Hashem was saying "its ok to feel that way, you had a crappy year".

I heard the Shofar again and this time i cried. Im not sure why and i cant even put it into words. I just cried. I needed that i needed that awakening. I wish i had better words to put here right now, like that i feel better now less scared. That i feel confident that this year will be easier. I wouldn't be honest if i gave that to you. All i can say is for some reason i just feel better.

I hope that everyone one of you are able to find clarity and peace within yourself this New Year. May you find health and happiness. May Hashem help each and every one of you to just ...feel better.