My Single Mom Life

Discovery Health Channel? Maybe...

2012-05-09T18:50:20-07:00

We, my bio-siblings and I, may be on the Discovery Health Channel.
When?
Not sure.
They want to do a documentary about us, about our adoptions, our lives when little, when we knew we were adopted, and how it all led up to the Today show, and where we are today.

Should know much more info by the end of next week!

Neighborhood Watch Groups = Vigilante Justice Groups

2012-04-10T11:11:43-07:00

By now I'm sure that pretty much everyone knows about Trayvon Martin, the kid who was shot and killed by George Zimmerman, the head of a neighborhood watch group in Sanford Florida.
This is the Wiki page, and this is the CNN.com search results page for Trayvon Martin because there are so many stories about this now, and some are changing every single day, but I have an issue with this whole thing.
The basic story is this, and I have taken it directly from the Wiki page because as I said, the stories on CNN and other news sites are constantly changing.

The fatal shooting of Trayvon Martin by George Zimmerman took place on February 26, 2012, in Sanford, Florida. Trayvon Martin was a 17-year-old African American male who was unarmed. George Zimmerman is a 28-year-old Hispanic American; who at the time of the shooting was a community watch coordinator.
Martin was walking back to a home in a gated community where he was staying when Zimmerman began following him, while contacting the Sanford Police Department to report Martin's behavior as suspicious. Soon afterward, there was a confrontation that ended with Zimmerman fatally shooting Martin.

When police arrived on the scene, Zimmerman claimed he shot Martin in self-defense because Martin had attacked him. Responding officers handcuffed Zimmerman, took him into custody, and transported him to the Sanford Police Department where he was questioned by investigators. Zimmerman was eventually released without being charged because police said they did not find evidence to contradict his assertion of self-defense. While in custody at the police station, Zimmerman was not administered a drug or alcohol test. The lead homicide investigator reportedly said he did not believe it was self-defense and he wanted to charge Zimmerman with manslaughter, but the state attorney's office said there was insufficient evidence for a conviction.

The circumstances around Martin's death received national and international attention, including Florida's Stand Your Ground law. Allegations of racial motivations and police misconduct triggered public demands for Zimmerman's arrest.

Because Zimmerman still has not been arrested and formally charged with the fatal shooting, it now appears that other neighborhood watch people think that they, too, now have the legal right to go waving guns around and taking the laws into their own hands, and like Zimmerman, they are getting away with it.

Right here on my street, just 2 duplexes over to my left, is a house that the neighborhood watch has deemed a "crack house".
They claim that the people living in it are all doing drugs illegally, selling drugs, shooting up their drugs, and also, (saying just anything to make complaints and get police and others out to the address) that the house has sewage (septic) issues and is unsanitary.
Oh, and while I was there taking the pictures, the board of health inspector was there and did a thorough investigation.
He gave the property a clean bill of health.
There is NO sewage or septic problem at all.
AND, the electricity was on LEGALLY.

The people living in that house, JUST LIKE ME, are ALL LEGALLY PRESCRIBED THEIR MEDICATIONS.

On Saturday night, the head of the neighborhood watch, took it upon herself, Carol is her name, to go over to the house while no one was at home, and with a knife, a screwdriver, and a GUN, she CHANGED THE LOCKS ON A HOME SHE DOES NOT OWN, RENT, OR HAVE ANY LEGAL CLAIM TO.
As Carol was finishing changing the locks, the people came home.
Naturally, an argument ensued, but by that time Carol had gotten other members of the neighborhood watch to come stand by her side.
When the tenants demanded they be allowed entry to their home, Carol started waving her gun around, she actually pointed it in the face of an older woman who was dropping off her granddaughter at that house, where the granddaughter lives.
Carol said that NO ONE was EVER going to enter that home again, that the neighbors, ALL OF US who live on this street, AGREED WITH HER, and that we've all had enough of the drug house.
Carol even went so far as to call FPL (Florida Power and Electric) and tell them that they had the power turned on illegally, and so FPL showed up and shut them off without even checking to see if the power was on legally or not!

When the police did show up because there were so many people outside yelling, screaming, and waving guns and knives around, the police DIDN'T DO ANYTHING to Carol about waving her gun, pointing it at people, and threatening people with it.
They didn't do anything about her changing the locks and telling people they could no longer enter their own home, not even to get their belongings out.
The police said that they "needed to investigate, and once they did, then they'd make arrests, if any".
They didn't take Carol's gun into custody either, and I know this for a fact because while I was over there taking pictures of the signs that one of the tenants put up just about 30 minutes ago, Carol came screaming across the street, gun in hand.
This is one of the signs that one of the tenants placed up at the end of her driveway this morning.

But here's my problem with all of this, because of the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman case, with Zimmerman not being arrested and charged with manslaughter even, now other neighborhood watch groups and people, "think" that they have the legal right to go around waving guns, AIMING them at people, THREATENING PEOPLE WITH THOSE GUNS, and changing the locks on homes that they do not own, rent, or have any legal claim to.

The people in that house all take LEGAL PRESCRIPTIONS, JUST LIKE I DO!!!!

Am I next?!?!
Am I the next person on her hit list because I have prescription drugs in my home and I take them?!
Who else on this street is her next target?
I know several people with disabilities on this street, which one of us is the neighborhood watch's next target?
Hell, Carol's own son is disabled, in a wheelchair, and takes strong pain medications.
Why is it OK for her and her family, but not the rest of us?
Because we're not in wheelchairs?
Because our disabilities aren't quite so visible?

Seriously, this is all getting very, VERY SERIOUSLY OUT OF HAND, AND WAY, OUT OF CONTROL.
Neighborhood watch groups now think that they can take the law into their own hands and do as they please all because one guy has gotten away with it, one guy followed a kid in his car, then on foot, with a gun in his hand, "claims" there was a confrontation, and then shot and killed that kid.

They are THE awesome.

2012-02-28T18:55:10-08:00

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, ICDSoft.com IS THE ULTIMATE in hosting companies.

My yearly hosting bill came due on February 16th, 2012, and I had to choose between rent and bills, or having my website.
I chose a place to live, and so the site went down.

I emailed them this evening, at 9:10pm EST, and explained what happened, told them I would pay it on Friday March 2nd, in the morning, explained why I had to delay the payment, and begged them to PLEASE NOT delete my files.
I have years and years of pictures, stories, etc on this blog.
At 9:23pm, 'Sure Support 34' emailed me back and said the following;

Hello,

We re-enabled the hosting account. It will be disabled again on March 3rd unless you renew it until then.

Whenever you need a bit of extension for the payment, please feel free to contact us before the expiration date, so we can extend the account. This will ensure that your website won't go down.

Best Regards,
Support 34
SureSupport.com

I WILL be paying it on Friday, but WOW, how so totally awesome of them to do that for me.
I have LOVED ICDSoft.com since day 1 of hosting with them, they are just a really amazing company to work with, and this just again, proves to me, why they are so awesome.
Because they re-enabled my hosting account, I won't be losing any ad revenue due to me, which is so totally helping to pay the bills.

I have always known that if I just talk to them, they will work with me, but I was honestly so freaking embarrassed about my current financial situation, I didn't want to have to tell them that I'm broke, living on SSDI and some small ad revenue, but I honestly should have, because of this, this right here, getting my site up and running again when I needed it the most, and the willingness to extend due dates, the ability to work with people, and the awesomeness to help people in a time of need.

So ICDSoft.com, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.
I am so grateful for your help and getting me back up and running when I needed it the most.

Secret Santa's are the awesome.

2011-12-16T18:10:11-08:00

I received a phone call yesterday from the grandmother of one of Mark's friends.
She knows that things have been really super tight for us for quite a long time now, and seeing as she's part of a lot of local organizations, she mentioned our stressful money situation to the group of people doing Secret Santa for people in need in our community.
One of the people, a man, offered to pay our rent for the month of January.
All $755.00 of it.
When she told me this yesterday, I just about dropped, and started crying my eyes out.
It's truly an amazing gift, I'm blown away by this Secret Santa's generosity to help a family he doesn't even know, and he doesn't want to be known, he really wants to remain a "Secret Santa".
I can totally respect that, I'd love to personally say thank you, but I respect his decision to remain anonymous.
Then the grandmother called me again just a little while ago, and asked that I get a Christmas card, and say something like;

"Dear Secret Santa,
I wanted to say thank you, whoever you are, for helping me and my sons this Christmas by paying our January rent.
Even though it's only December 16th, I was already stressed out and worried about paying January's rent.
With the small amount of disability that I receive every month, and the small amounts of money that I earn online doing freelance article writing, I'm always stressed out and worried about paying my rent and bills every single month.
I pay the current month's rent, and the very next day, I immediately start stressing about the next month's rent and bills.
So thank you, thank you so, so very much for taking a huge weight off of my shoulders.
You have absolutely no idea how much your generosity really means to me, but I want you to know that it means a very great deal to me. It means that for the month of January, I don't have to skip paying the electric or phone bill so that I can pay the rent in full, it means that all of my bills will get paid in full for the month of January, and that is a huge deal to me.
Dearest Secret Santa, thank you so very much for helping me and my sons this Christmas by paying our January rent. Now we can truly have a nice Christmas without me being stressed out and worried over paying the next month's rent and bills.

I hope that YOU and your family have an absolutely wonderful and joyous Christmas, because you've given me and my sons an absolutely wonderful and joyous Christmas by taking the worry and stress out of it.
Have a Very, Merry Christmas!

Kat, Mark, and Sebastian Cooper"

Is that too cheesy and cornball-ish?
Too sappy?
I'm not really sure what to say to this man whoever he may be, other than to fill the inside and outside of the card, and the entire outside of the envelope, with a million "thank yous"....LoL

What would you say to someone who wants to be anonymous, but has just given you the best Christmas present you've ever gotten in your whole life?

Happy day after Thanksgiving 2011!

2011-11-25T13:30:31-08:00

We had a really nice Thanksgiving, we spent it with Mark's friend Geoff, and his grandparents at Troyer's Dutch Heritage restaurant.
It's an Amish and Mennonite restaurant right in the middle of an Amish and Mennonite community here in Sarasota.
They have all kinds of businesses here, furniture stores, fruit and vegetable stores/stands, and plenty of restaurants.
The Dutch Heritage is the most well known of these restaurants because of it's amazing food, and I do mean, a-maz-ing!
Geoff's grandparents invited us to join them, and I wasn't about to say no to someone kind enough to invite us out even though I had already bought the turkey and all the fixings to go with it.
The Dutch Heritage does not take reservations for Thanksgiving, it's first come, first seated, and then they hand out these buzzer/pager things, and when yours buzzes, you get to be seated.
It was buffet style, but wow, what a spread!!
There was everything imaginable to choose from aside from the regular Thanksgiving foods.
They had turkey, roast beef, ham, potatoes, sweet potatoes, tons of veggie choices, and gravy, and just tons and tons of incredible foods and homemade desserts to choose from.
It was my very first time ever eating there, and it was outstanding, absolutely loved it.

So right now, I'm cooking the 24lb turkey that I didn't cook yesterday.
It was totally thawed out yesterday, so I needed to cook it so it doesn't go to waste. I'm not gonna cook all the fixings to go with it tonight, but the turkey was a must cook. I refuse to let that much food go to waste.
I got a good price on that turkey too, it's a 24lb turkey for just $12.50 at Publix, awesome price!
So yeah, I wasn't about to let that go to waste, no way!

I hope that all of you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family and loved ones, or whoever you spent it with.

A quiet night at home with friends is the best tonic for a long day.

2011-10-27T21:02:10-07:00

I'm having a super nice quiet night at home with a couple of friends & my sons.
We're just hanging out watching movies, laughing, & talking.
I seriously needed this, people I can trust & talk to, relax with, it's really nice.
I'd love to do this far more often.

I WILL get them done. Oh yes. I will.

2011-10-16T06:58:47-07:00

The dishes that is.
I AM going to get all of the dishes done today, I will, I will.
I WILL GET THE DISHES DONE TODAY.

I will also finish the laundry and vac the rugs.
I sprinkled the carpet powder down last night so I have to vac it up, but the dishes, they are an absolute must do, and they will be done even if it kills me.
Well, not really kill me, but even if doing them causes me to be in pain for the next 3 days, I AM GOING TO GET THE DISHES DONE.
ALL OF THEM.

Money so they say, is the root of all evil today.

2011-10-15T21:28:49-07:00

So, yeah, it's been that kind of time for me lately.
Yup, me and my lists, sitting down making my lists, and making my budget with absolutely NO BUDGET to speak of, but I was trying like heck to do it anyway.
I got myself into one heck of a financial jam thanks to all of the ongoing medical stuff that I've been dealing with.
I mean, how the hell am I supposed to pay for everything when I've got 90 million doctor appointments, xrays, CT scans, lab work, etc etc, and all of them have co-pays ranging in price from $25 - $250??
I've been doing the absolute best that I could do paying for all of it, rent, utility bills, and all of those medical tests and appointments, and so I ended up robbing Peter to pay Paul, and then Paul to pay Peter, and ended up getting myself into a situation that I could not find a way out of no matter how hard I tried.

My landlord has been a really awesome landlord over these last 14+ years that I've now lived in this duplex.
I've been late on the rent and he's not been "OK" with it, but he's allowed me to pay him when I could, and he's only raised the rent on me 3 times (now) in all of these years too.
He had to raise the rent on me starting on October 1st, and I was already behind in my rent, I was paying him, just not in full every month for the last 6-7 months while I've been going through this medical nightmare, so getting hit with a rent increase really sucked.
I did everything that I could do to come up with the amount of money that he said that he needed to have by Saturday October 15th.
I mean it, I did everything that I could do without having to resort to some sort of crime.
I had an indoor yard sale, I allowed friends to come over and tell me what they were interested in, and if it wasn't something that we wanted or it had no sentimental value to any of us, they made an offer, and I took it.
I managed to sell a couple hundred dollars worth of stuff in just about a week, but it still wasn't enough money to meet the amount that I needed.

I did end up getting the money that I needed, and I'm like, eternally grateful that I did, but wow man, from September 26th until October 15th, my heart was in my throat every single day, I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, all I did was stress, worry, and panic, call people and places for help, and throw up.
Next time that I'm in that kind of bind, and I really hope that I'm NEVER in THAT kind of bind again, but if I ever am, I'm going to check out CreditRelease.com and see if I can get one of those bad credit loans that they talk about on their website, I found their website after seeing a commercial.
I don't even remember what channel or anything, it was so late at night, and I was just clicking just to click, to take my mind off of everything for even just a few minutes of not freaking out.
I've called other places like that before, and they wouldn't help me, but this place sounds like they'd help someone like me, someone with a really bad credit score. (THANKS SO MUCH EX-MOM-IN-LAW!!!!)
Yeah, my credit score is still totally screwed up because of her, I'm still discovering things on my credit report that she did.
It's like I get 1 or 2 things knocked off, and then 3 or 4 more things show up.

I know that the interest rates would probably be very high, but I CAN'T go through the absolute hell and agony that I just went through, again.
I can't. I just can't go through that again. It'll kill me.
On their site, it says the following:

Our client charter states that you'll receive a loan no matter your credit history. It doesn't matter what financing you're after or how poor your credit score is, our nationwide service will guarantee that you will have access to means of financing. Individuals with high-risk profiles, with poor or no credit are welcomed.

If I applied and if I actually got a loan, I'd be really happy, and like I said, I've tried other places and was turned down, I even tried the one with the big celebrity name endorsing it, you know which one I'm talking about, he used to have his own talk show, you know?
Turned. Down. Cold.
It's worth a shot you know?
If I'm approved, fan-tas-tic!
If not, oh well, move on and try to find another one.
I spent 20 days in a financial hell, scared-to-death, freaking out, if I fell asleep, I woke up either minutes or even just seconds later, with my heart pounding out of my chest, dripping a cold sweat, I was on eggshells that whole time scared to even breathe.
I had panic attacks 24-7, and I didn't know what to do anymore, I totally lost my way, and it's all because of my damn body.
To say that I'm exhausted would be a major understatement.
My health is important, but I can't go through that again, I just can't, so I'm seriously considering just saying screw it, to hell with all of the doctors and medical tests, all of it is putting me in some really serious financial issues and struggles, and with all of the stress and worry over finances, I'm going to end up in the ground anyway, so why keep going through it all??
Why should I keep paying for all the medical tests and doctor appointments if all of the added stress and worry over the bills not getting paid on time or in full is going to end up killing me anyway?

Keeping score.

2011-09-27T04:07:13-07:00

I am the kind of person who keeps track of everything in my life thanks to being OCD, so I make lists all of the time.
I make shopping lists, lists of things that I need to do, lists of things that need to be done, (these ARE separate things) lists of things that I have done, lists of things that will eventually need to be done, and I also keep a budget that is constantly being redone on a weekly basis.
I used to do a monthly budget but because I'm always redoing my lists, it became a weekly budget, and sometimes I even do a daily budget because I end up doing something that throws off the previously worked out perfect to a T budget that I had.

I don't have very many friends in my life anymore because of my inability to go out and do things, and because of my lack of trust in people, and gossip that people do.
I dislike gossip so much, and I try to avoid it at all costs because it does nothing but cause problems.
Person A tells person B something about person C, and before you can blink, peoples D through G have all now heard and retold some form of the original story about person C, and it has also made it's way back to person C, who is now not only extremely confused about the things that are supposedly going on in their own life, but also hurt beyond any kind of words for betrayal, pain, confusion, and loss that can be thought of, because person A was supposed to be their very best friend in their whole world.

Right now, these things are tied together for me, the list making, budgeting, and the gossip that people do.

If a friend helps me out with something, I write it down, I keep track of it so that if in the event that friend ends up needing some help at some point, I have a physical reminder that they've helped me, and because I've written it down, it encourages me to find some way to help them with whatever it is that they need.
It's not really keeping score, but more like keeping track of the good that is done for me so that I always know who to be grateful to.

But lately, I feel like like I AM keeping score.
I feel like I'm doing more helping and more giving of myself, my time, my money, my whatever, and when I've needed help, I'm not getting it back, and I'm really starting to resent it.
I'm starting to resent it because of the gossip that people do.

Various people have been telling me that this friend that I've been helping, has been lying to me in order to both get help from me, and also to avoid helping me in return when I need it and have asked them for help.
I hate gossip, I don't want to believe this gossip, but my feelings, my instincts, my gut, is wrenched and is telling me that it's the truth.
The very words and actions of my friend make my stomach twist as soon as I hear her speak the words to me, and see her body movements.
I know that even though it's gossip, that it IS the truth.
I know that when she has recently been asking me for help, she hasn't really needed it, but by my helping her, it was extra help for her so she didn't have to stress and worry as much.
I know that when I recently asked her for help, she lied to me when she said that she couldn't, that she had no way of helping me, and that she was struggling horribly too.
I know that these things are lies not only because of the gossip that people do, but because of her own words and actions, as I've said.
And it hurts.
It hurts beyond any kind of words for betrayal, pain, confusion, and loss that can be thought of, because I consider her to be my best friend.

All of my list making and budgeting, all of the things that I've done to help her and written down, and any of the things that she's done here and there and I've written down so that it would encourage me to be grateful to her and always help her in return if I was able to help her in return, now feels like a score sheet, like I've been keeping score for the winners and the losers, and I'm on the losing team.

I feel totally betrayed right now, I trusted in her, trusted in our friendship, believed in her, and believed her whenever she swore to keep a confidence over something that I felt I needed to talk about and she'd swear to keep it, even hug me and tell me that things were going to be OK.
I hate the gossip so so very much, but I KNOW that what is being gossiped about, are things that I ONLY shared with her.
I shared these things with no one else because I don't have anyone else that I ~~feel~~ felt that I could trust. I don't have anyone else that I love like family, really and truly care about, and so I feel crushed and stomped on, and stomped down.

I've spent the last few days to a week thinking about all of this, going over the gossip stories that I've heard, remembering when I told things to her, if anyone else at all was around, trying to recall if I could have possibly said it to anyone else at all, and no, I couldn't have, didn't, I wouldn't have, because she is the ONLY one that I really felt that I could really trust.

I don't know what to do, do I talk to her about it all?
Confront her?
Try to sit down and ask her if all of the gossip going around is the truth?
Or do I say screw it, and just let her go out of my life like I've had to do with other people who've betrayed me like this, or people who just caused so much drama every single day that it stressed me out too much?
I WANT to believe that she didn't betray me, that she didn't betray my confidence in her, that she didn't betray our friendship, but I know the truth, I know that she did.
I know this because she really is the only person that I told anything at all to, because she is, she was, I thought, my best friend.

I don't want to go back to having to stay alone, not have a friend in my life because of the gossip and lack of trust, but I'm so tired of all of the he said/she said crap that people do.
When my FRIEND tells me something, I DO NOT TELL IT TO ANYONE ELSE.
EVER.
She's told me so many things during our many, many hours of long talks, but I have not once ever shared them with anyone else because she's my friend, and when it's just us, just the two of us friends hanging out and talking, even if neither one of us says "Swear that this stays between us", every word she's ever said to me, has stayed with me.
She's the only person that I ever really and truly talk to, I don't ever talk and open up to anyone else, I don't have long "girl talks" with anyone else, and so yeah, it's hurting me very bad right now that our long talks that have just been the two of us, have been retold to others, and that I've been lied to.
I've been lied to and used, and things that I've said to my best friend, the one person that I trusted, have been told to other people, just spread around, gossiped about.

All of my lists that I use to help keep me grateful and encourage me to help when I can, are just score sheets now, and I'm the loser.

I was in an accident and robbery today.

2011-09-13T00:24:30-07:00

I was dragged by my hair by a girl in a truck, they grabbed my purse, stole all of my money and pain meds that I just picked up at the doctors today.
I was literally dragged by my hair by the passenger while the driver emptied my wallet and stole my meds that I had JUST picked up.

They stopped and pretended to ask for directions, the passenger then grabbed me by my hair with one hand, then my purse with the other and threw it to the drover who started to accelerate a little, the driver took all the money from my wallet, $37.00, then stole all my pill bottles full of my heavy duty, controlled substance narcotics, then she threw my purse out of the truck window, and then the passenger let me go.
This all happened in mere seconds and while the truck was moving, not at a fast speed, but just fast enough that I had to jog along side because the bitch had me by the hair.
Once the driver threw my purse out, the passenger let go of me, and I rolled about 5-7 feet.
I was in such a state of shock and adrenaline pumping, that I didn't realize that I was injured, so I picked up my purse and purse contents that were thrown about the ditch, and then my sandals which had fallen off while I was running, and then I walked back home.
I walked in the house and the teens saw me, TOTALLY freaked out and ran outside to look for them and then also ask the neighbor for the video tapes while I called the cops and an ambulance, and now I'm just getting home from the ER.

NOTHING is broken, AMAZINGLY, but I am covered with road rash and by morning, my entire body will be covered in bruises, literally from head to toe.

The good news.
The guy at the end of the street caught it all on camera as he video tapes the 4-way intersection for stop sign runners 24 hours a day, and in their haste to get away, they blew through the stop sign.
The police and sheriffs already have the tapes, and by tomorrow afternoon, if not already, the assailants will be in custody because not only did they do this to me, but they ran the stop sign and were caught on video as I said.
It's a Toyota Sequoia in Silver, just like this one pictured here, a little mini-SUV type car.

So I really, REALLY, want to thank Glen at Fail 2 Stop, for having all those cameras to catch the criminals.
I haven't been told yet, but I've watched some of the videos, and in some of them you can just barely see the side street, Restful Lane, where they finally let me go after robbing and dragging me from my mailbox to that corner.
I'm not good with distances, or north-south type stuff, but the detective who came to see me and ask me some questions, said it was about 100-115 feet from my mailbox where it started to that corner where they let go of my hair.

When the police asked him, Glen, for the tapes and explained why they needed them, he was more than happy to hand them over, the detective said.
He's not only been fighting the speeders and stop sign runners, but all of the criminals, the drug dealers, and prostitutes which have slowly been taking over our neighborhood over the last 2-3 years.

I was in the ER from about 7:30pm until about 20-30 minutes ago. (More like 2.5 hours now at the time of this writing thanks to dozing off and on thanks to the really strong meds in me)
They did a CT scan of my neck, and xrays of my whole body, and like I said, LUCKILY, absolutely nothing is broken or fractured.
Nothing, I'm amazed because my body took a helluva beating during the ordeal.
But I have some serious road rash on my left shoulder and blade, road rash on my elbows and knees, and my lower back and BOTH hips took a major beating while I was rolling for those 5-7feet.

The docs pumped me full of meds, so please excuse any typos. (THANK GOODNESS FOR AUTO-SPELL CHECK FF!!!)
In the morning, I have to go to the police station and pick up a copy of the report, then swing by the ER xrays department and get copies my films, and then take it all next door to give my doc.
Hopefully, seeing as I just went to him today (Monday) and got all my meds filled for the month, that he will write me new scripts to get me through the month without too much pain and discomfort.
I don't want or even expect him to write for all the same meds, he'd get in trouble with the DEA, but I obviously need meds to make it through the month, even more so now that this happened.

Right at the moment, I'm feeling OK, but again, that's because they pumped me full of Toradol, Dilaudid, and Soma
through an IV, and then they made me walk the halls a bit to check and see if I was able to go home.
It hurt like hell to walk, ut I did it and wanted to come home so bad.

I'm OK, I want to make that very clear, nothing at all is broken or fractured, but I will be heavily bruised by morning all over my whole body from rolling approximately 5-7 feet after she let go of my hair.
The bitch got a chunk of hair in her hand, and my forehead also has a nice sized (/sarcasm>) bump on it, my lower back and hips took a massive beating man, and so when the paramedics strapped me to the board along with a neck brace that was extremely uncomfortable due to my head/neck being the way that it is for exactly 3 years to the day now, I was in pure fucking agony the whole way to the hospital and for about the 1st hour while they ran tests.
They left me strapped to the board and in the brace that long so that I couldn't move at all just in case something was broken.
They apologized over and over, they knew the board and brace were hurting me, but it was for my protection just in case something really was broken.
I really do appreciate it, they (BEST damn hospital in the state IMHO) were only doing what was right for me, protecting me from a possible major injury, but wow man, that board and brace hurt.
My head does not look straight ahead, only down, and while they tried to make the brace hold my head and neck as it is and has been, the brace forced it up as straight as it could, and that was some fucking pain I tell ya.
After they got me off the board, it was sooooo much better, more comfy, but I was in hell with pain.
Then they started pumping me full of meds every 30 minutes, so yeah, I'm a bit on the wasted side at the moment.
Those meds are not strong on their own, but combined together and in the heavy doses they gave me, it's really potent and I feel like I dank a gallon of the world's best vodka for an entire weekend.

To take home and until my doc can get me in with the police report and xray films, they gave me scripts for the same meds, Toradol, Dilaudid , and Soma, but told me to get my police report and films, and call my doctor asap, so I will be doing that very first thing in the morning.

The police believe that I may have been targeted, like someone was watching me, keeping track of my schedule and knew that today was pain doc day, and then they struck when they saw me walking home alone from my friend Nikki's house right up the street.
Thanks to the videotape, they will be able to get the plate number and go after whoever was driving the vehicle, and hopefully, also find the bitch passenger who had me by the hair.
She had a death grip on my ponytail man, I thought she was gonna take it (ponytail) right off the way she had it so tight, and if the driver had sped up.

In a side note, my landlord was at the community meeting for the 4 way stop signs and criminal activities in our neighborhood, when the call came in, he knew the address, OBVIOUSLY, and so he came by the house and then called back again to ask if the teens had heard from me.
Sebastian stayed home, but Mark came to the hospital with my friend Nikki who was a complete mess, poor thing was bawling her eyes out every time she looked at me, and then when she had to leave to go home to put her daughter to bed, but when I was finished at the ER, she told me to call her and she'd come pick Mark and I up, and she did.
As soon as I got in the truck and slid over to the middle, she threw her arms around me, told me she loved me.
She is truly my very, very best friend down here in Florida. Shell will always be my best for the rest of my life, secrets o the grave, but Nikki is just like her, I trust her with my secrets, and my life.

Sorry, I git sidetracked, then, because it is his (landlord) property where the incident happened, he asked to be assigned to the case along with the lead detectives on it, and he called Sebastian twice while I was at the ER, that he would do everything he could to find the 2 rotten skanks who did this to me.
I know that I've said it more than a few times, but my landlord is a truly awesome human being.
He's seen and helped me through some of the hardest and leanest years of my life over the last 14 years that I've now lived in this duplex.
He didn't evict me me as I waited for my SSDI to be approved and could only pay him a few hundred dollars per month, at the most sometimes, but he's also an extremely caring and kind man and human being as he showed tonight, but many times in the past years.
During all of my surgeries, he sent a 'Get Well' card once a week every single week for several months, he helped out after my surgeries by mowing the lawn, taking our trash to the curb, and there have been times, he's just called to check on me, just to ask how I was doing, and he just really cares about us, about me and my sons who he has watched grow up over the last 14 years of living in this duplex.

But to answer the obvious and burning question I'm sure many people have right now.....
NO, I DO NOT KNOW WHO THEY ARE, I've never seen them before, but like I said, the police believe that they my have targeted me, maybe they have seen me at Walgreens getting my meds filled every single month at the exact same Walgreen's, and thanks to the question they have to ask before they ring you up, "CAN YOU PLEASE VERIFY YOUR ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER?"
The cops believe they may have over-heard that, and decided to strike, or they may have been "casing" me for some time.
Maybe they've seen me at my doctor's office or at Walgreen's, and have just been watching me for a few months, and decided that today was the day.
I got done at my doc's around 10:28am, went straight across the street to Walgreen's. and then made a stop at the store, and then had my ride drop me off at Nikki's house around 1-2pm until I decided to walk home around 6:30pm.

I feel like a complete and total idiot.
I KNOW not to talk to strangers, I KNOW not to walk up to a stranger's vehicle, but they were 2 young girls, mid to early 20's, looked totally harmless, (looks are so so sooooo deceiving) and there ya go, lesson learned.

The really fucking hard way.

A back to school commercial came on and I realized that for the 1st time in 16+ years, I DON'T have to do back school shopping.

2011-07-22T23:05:32-07:00

Not only am I absolutely THRILLED that I DON'T have to do back to school shopping, but then it hit me.
My boys are all grown up, they've graduated from high school.
After the total JOY and awesomeness of realizing that I don't EVER have to do back to school shopping again, wore off, I started to cry because my boys, whom I recall very, VERY clearly on their very 1st days of kindergarten, have graduated, they are all grown up.

In my head, I can still see my baby boys in their 1st day of kindergarten outfits, with their little Batman for Mark and Power Rangers for Sebastian backpacks on, with their matching lunchboxes, their brand new sneakers, and 1st day of school haircuts, and the name-tag stickers shaped like apples that were given to us at kindergarten orientation just a few days before, stuck on the front of their brand new shirts, and their big huge smiles.
I recall every single minute of those 1st days of school.
Not just for kindergarten, but for every single year that they went to school, and all the changes in them with each new school year that started.
Different haircuts, different heights and weights, different backpacks and sneakers, different sounding voices, and the very different, very individual young men that they have grown up to be.

The thrill of never having to go do back to school shopping wore off rather quickly when I realized, when it hit me like a ton of bricks to the back of my head, that my baby boys are not baby boys anymore.

Alice: The Madness Returns.

2011-06-13T18:49:17-07:00

Tonight at midnight is the launch party for the release of Alice: The Madness Returns, the follow-up to the original game, American McGee's Alice, for the pc.
I played the original pc game and loved it, so when I saw that they had finally made a follow-up game for it, and it's for the consoles, the xbox 360 and the PS 3, I knew that I had to have it.
I snapped this picture with my cellphone at the video game store in the mall when we went to the movies a few weeks ago.
The teens remember me playing it all of the time on my pc, and back then, it was really kind of creepy so they didn't watch me play some parts of it because it was too gory and the sounds were kind of scary sounding.
But that's what I liked about it, I like that Wonderland is all creepy and scary, it's dark and twisted, and everyone is out to get Alice.

If you played the original game and liked it, you can buy the new one, Alice: The Madness Returns, at Buy.com on sale, and get free shipping too.

Here's the official launch trailer, and a demo of some of the game-play, it looks absolutely amazing and I can't wait to get it tonight and start playing!

The new game also comes with the old pc game, but it's now playable on the console, and so I'm excited about being able to play the old game too, it was always so much fun.
The graphics back then weren't great, but now for the xbox, they look amazing.

I'm so excited for this game!
I pre-purchased it, and we are going to the launch party tonight, myself and the teens, and a friend of mine is driving us there and then we're all gonna come back home and play the game until our hands cramp up. Hahaha!
I have no idea what's going to happen at the launch party, but I'm excited, and I'm going to take my camera and snap some pics of the party and stuff, it should be a fun time.
Later days!

Trying to breathe.

2011-06-08T13:16:51-07:00

I posted this to Twitter yesterday after having been up all night and totally frustrated and angry with my neighbor and her completely out of control behavior this past week and half.
I'm re-posting it here and editing it so that the words aren't all shortened and stuff, basically making it readable.
I'm also adding a little bit more to it, elaborating on some of the information because Twitter just doesn't allow room, only 140 characters, so I should have made this into a full post from the start, but I didn't.

Been up all night, wicked stressed out and having mini panic attacks because of my bitch of a neighbor, so I've been watching tons of movies and just trying, very poorly I might add, to calm down and take my mind off of everything that has happened since last Saturday with my neighbor.
All I can do is hope that karma comes for her.
I'm sure it will, it comes for everyone, eventually.
I've already seen it come round for for one person who seemed to thrive on trying to make me as miserable as possible.
I never used to believe that karma was real, but when I saw it come for that person in the exact manner that they chose to attack me, well that is when I knew that karma is very real.
What you put out there, how we ALL treat each other, good or bad, it comes back to us and it comes back 10 fold.
So I try everyday, I try to treat other people the very best that I can.
I'm trying very hard to treat people the way I want to be treated, and especially the people who treat me wrong.
I'm trying even harder to treat THOSE PEOPLE better.
No matter what they say to me or about me, I'm trying to treat them with extreme kindness, courtesy, and politeness.
My neighbor, however, is the ONLY person that I'm struggling with.
What she's done Is unforgivable.
She almost totally ruined Sebastian's birthday, she almost ripped my sons and I apart, and she caused major strife within my family with old issues, but certain family members get to say the oh so fun "I told you so".
This entire past week has been non-stop strife with my neighbor.
It's been daily, multiple times per day, harassment from her with absolutely horrible things said about me and my sons.
Mess with me all you want, but DON'T EVER mess with my sons.
I also try not to hate or even say that I hate someone, but my neighbor has just really pushed me to the very edge of my limits since Saturday May 28th.
I admit to totally losing it more than twice, and saying out loud and very loudly, I actually yelled and screamed, that I hate her, and many other truly horrible words.
I've even gone so far as to wish and say loudly that she should just drop dead right now.
One of her many medical issues will eventually (probably very soon) kill her.
The woman is morbidly obese, has diabetes, congestive heart disease, and some sort of breathing problem, (not emphysema) and she's a two pack-a-day smoker on oxygen with big warning signs on her front door to not smoke, yet she sits inside and puffs away on Pall Mall full flavor kings, and all of these things are going to kill her, probably very soon, but what she did, the things that she said, caused so much anger, hurt, and other issues/problems, that I became so furiously enraged, that I wished for her death immediately.
I don't like feeling this much anger and yes, hatred, for someone.
I don't feel good, I don't feel right inside, and it's really bothering me.
I don't like feeling hatred grow and boil-up inside of me, it just isn't a good feeling at all, and it's causing me even more stress.
I've lost my voice, I feel nauseous, and keep getting headaches, the anger and hatred is physically manifesting, it's so strong that it's making me physically sick.
By talking about my feelings, I'm hoping it will help to relieve some of these physical signs of the stress caused and brought on by the things that this woman has said and done, and continues to do.

I've now blocked all form of communication with her, she can no longer call the house phone, and I've blocked her from calling and texting my cell phone, so it's been really quiet today, thankfully.
But before I was able to block her yesterday, she sent me over 20 texts in just under 10 minutes, and all of them said horribly nasty things, and even more lies.
I saved all of these text messages to show the people that we are mutual friends with when they ask me what is going on, because she is calling and texting them with this incredibly long story full of lies, so when they (friends) say certain things, I can show them the texts from her that state the truth, not the lies she is currently telling everyone in an attempt to make herself look like she didn't do anything at all wrong.
One of my friends was absolutely floored when she saw the truth, she couldn't believe what she was reading, but there it was, along with all kinds of other nasty stuff she texted me.

I am trying so very hard to let it go, to breathe, I know that this will all pass, but it's literally been a nightmare since May 28th, so it's very difficult to let go, but I'm trying, and slowly, the anger and hatred inside of me is fading, and I hope that when it does, I get my voice back.
I've totally lost my voice, I try to speak, and nothing is coming out, so I'm trying to not talk, drinking plenty of fluids, and resting as much as I can.

Trying to make it through. pt.3.0

2011-05-31T14:20:06-07:00

Long time no blog eh?
All of this is just really taking a major toll on me both physically and mentally, and with each passing day, I feel like I'm losing a few more pieces of myself, of who I am.
Because of how much pain I'm in, I don't do too much anymore, I spend most of my time laying on the couch watching tv and movies.
It sucks.

But some cool stuff has happened, Sebastian got some of his broken arm settlement money and has bought his new laptop for college, and he bought Mark and I each a gift.
He bought Mark some new video games he wanted, and he bought me a Nook Color when we were up at Best Buy and Barnes and Noble on Friday.
The Nook is so freaking cool! It can do pretty much everything that the ipad can do, plus it reads books.
I'm actually using it to write this post from the couch right now!
It does so so much more than read books, it's really very freaking cool.
It's definitely coming in very useful seeing as I'm spending so much time laying down.

That's all for now I guess, later days.

The latest goings on around here.

2011-04-21T00:27:57-07:00

It's been awhile since I last posted, again, I'm in a total rut/funk and I freely admit it.
I'm constantly battling health and pain issues and that really messes with your head after awhile ya know?
I have doctor appointments almost every week now that are costing me a small fortune that I don't have, and all I want is for him to do the surgery so I can stop having to pay money that I don't have and be out of pain for 6 to 18 months. (if it works)
I'm just in a bad place right at the moment, stressed out pretty much all of the time, I'm not sleeping, I'm not eating, all I do is stress and worry and it's really taking a toll on me mentally and physically.

Sebastian has graduated from high school early!!!
Yay!!!
He decided to take the exit option which means if the student works super hard, gets all of their credits in less time, and passes all of the final exams and a graduation test, they can get their diploma and be done with school.
So he studied hard and worked hard, and on Thursday, he handed in all of his books and picked up his diploma.
He's also decided to not march in the graduation ceremony, and honestly, I don't mind.
We went to Mark's, the arena where they hold it has really poor AC, there's almost 1,000 graduating seniors and about 5,000 - 6,000 people there to watch, so it's even hotter, and the ceremony takes about 3.5 hours.
So yeah, I really do not mind that he doesn't want to march, no problem at all!

In Mark news, he and his friend Geoff have been doing all kinds of things together lately.
They helped pain houses for Habitat for Humanity, and have been doing all kinds of other things as well.
Geoff's grandmother wants the both of them to get jobs and work together at the same place because she thinks that it will help them stay motivated if they can stay together.
Together, they do a ton of stuff, they have energy and can paint houses and all kinds of things, but when not together, they both tend to sleep till 2pm and play video games.
She's already picked up applications for the both of them for a couple of places, some window manufacturing place, a couple of restaurants, Home Depot, and who knows what else, I wouldn't even be surprised if she tried to send them to personal trainer school just to get them jobs so they can stay together.
She has a really big heart and just loves to help and wants to see them both succeed, so she's trying everything she can to try and get them jobs together.

I'm still waiting on my tax refund to come, and this year there will be no vacation.
I'm getting way less back than previous years, and because Mark doesn't have any health insurance any more, the only way to get him in to see a doctor is if I pay cash out of pocket.
It's worth it to me if I can find a doctor to help him, because if he gets help, then he will be able to get a job and work without too much pain.
Some things that I definitely need to get when I do finally get my taxes back, a new computer chair for the teens because their chair is literally falling apart, and Sebastian does so much artwork and stuff on their computer, it's what he wants to go to school for, so I need to get them a new chair.
I need to get Mark into see a doctor, and I need to order a year's supply of contact lenses because these are so old and dirty that I can't see anymore, and there was something else but for the life of me I can't think of it right now.

I guess that's all for now.
Later days.