My Spoof folder

Osbourne and Cameron

2011-01-30T15:45:00.000Z

. All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Pet Panda Escapes

2010-04-24T07:48:00.000+01:00

. All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

2012 Marathon Winner

2010-01-24T22:03:00.000Z

Paul Badcliffe wins the Olympic Marathon

Marathon world record holder and supper blubber Paul Badcliffe has won the marathon at the 2012 London Olympics. Our Paul decided to run the race early to avoid the scientific runners and other competition who might be better than herself.

Paul has campaigned tirelessly against cheats and believes those who take short cuts on the marathon should be heavily penalised. Her campaign does not stop at people who run shorter routes, she has called for more climate control for runners, one suggestion is to get assistants to run alongside the Olympians with portable air conditioning.

Supporters of the ‘League for Cheats’ have dismissed Paul’s ranting, but have applauded her initiative to run the race early and have quoted their motto “Win at any cost”

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Tempest Storm to be guest star in Thunderbirds Movie

2010-01-02T21:40:00.000Z

Tempest Storm to be guest star in Thunderbirds Movie

The next Thunderbirds movie, which is being filmed on location at the film festival in Brooklyn and the Bearing Straits bridge. Tempest will be starring with John Wayland, Rachel Ward and Cheryl Ladd who tops the Hollywood cast for the real world production in their flagship studios in Bolton.

Chloe Dao will be redesigning the Thunder-thighs outfits and Ray Charles and Puff Adder will put the soundtrack together.

Tempest, an 80 year old working American women stripper who is currently working the ‘Strip’ and supporting Bon Jovi concert in Central Park said to waiting reporters with a twinkle in the eye “It beats working young man”

Denton Cooley her aid and personal physician then ushered Tempest Storm into a waiting limo, driven by Herb Jeffries who drove of at speed.

The film is due to be launched this summer at the Franklin County Fair, Reston Festival and the McCoy Stadium.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Paris Hilton and the Camel Foot

2009-12-13T20:27:00.000Z

Paris Hilton and the Camel Foot

Paris who was plastered at a recent photo shoot in Egypt, had her toe trod on by a camels foot.

Photos showing Ms Hiltons camel toe injury have been bought by Hokey Cokey magazine. The magazine, famed for its candid photos and stories lives up to its name. The words ‘hokey pokey’ are a deliberate parody, of the Latin phrase "Hoc est enim corpus meum", which translates as "This is my body". Magazine owner, Hank Socialite is said to be in high spirits and looking forward to publishing these exclusive body photos of Paris Hilton.

Israeli online magazine ‘hæn.ki pæn.ki’ are said to be furious as they had sole rights to the foot and toe photos and were consulting their armed lawyers.

Paris Hilton, who is still plastered, is said to be recovering well from her camel toe injury and is expected to resume shooting next week. Her agent has thanked all her fans for the best wishes, cards and toe warmers.

Lindsay Lohan, Shanna Moakler and Lizzie made a joint statement “Pity it was only her toe the camel trod on”

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Hornby to buy British Rail

2009-11-28T22:45:00.000Z

Hornby to buy British Rail

The government has changed track and announced the sale of all of the rail transport system to Hornby.

Hornby who are the countries oldest and most profitable transportation companies and have acquired a number of transport industries in the recent past are said to be delighted to take ownership of the worlds worst rail system.

Alex (clickty-clack) Johnson arrived on time to make an official announcement at Waterloo Station.

“We are delighted and honoured to now create the ultimate railway across the nation and we will provide a service the British public deserve”

He went on to announce the introduction of new passenger rolling stock, the Devon Belle Coach, complete with toilets, refreshments and opening windows. The new carriages will be pulled by the new BR 0-4-4T locomotive.

Rail passenger groups based in Southport England are to rename themselves the ‘Hornies’ and have made advance bookings for the first journey provided by Hornby.
Bob Crow has said;

“My members are not here to serve the public or are they required to ensure trains are clean and on time for health and safety reasons”

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Tour de France cancelled

2009-11-20T22:26:00.000Z

Tour de France cancelled

The Tour de France is to be stopped a week early. Tour officials have said in an emergency statement today of a severe shortage of drugs for the cyclists this year and stocks are running dry.

Stocks of 19-norandrosterone, EPO and a number of various steroids are not available in Europe or USA, a spokesman for the ‘back street laboratories inc’ said they were at full stretch but the Olympics was the main customer this year (and more profitable).

Team bosses have said sildenafil citrate is still available, but causes more problems as most of the cyclists are very frisky and get no sleep. Loyal supporters have come out in support of the cyclists and have promised to line the boulevards with drug feeding zones.

The World Doping Agency (WADA) warned against such practice and told the racers not to be so greedy as they have had their share over the years.

It is expected the tour will resume next year in Zimbabwe after the Rugby 7s World Cup in Harare.
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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Go Nude to Toughen Up

2009-11-14T23:09:00.000Z

Go Nude to Toughen Up.

Ministers in DEFRA have supported Jake Ulrichs comments on adapting to climate change and rising costs of energy, although they have added more detail.

MP’s Hillary (Big) Benn and Joan (Razor) Ruddock made a joint statement at Sussex University.

“The working classes of Great Britain have been pampered over the past century and have become soft and cannot cope with a few hardships anymore”

They went on to attack the middle class by accusing them of living in isolation from reality and using vast amounts of energy in the summer to keep cool with air conditioning and in the winter using more precious resources to keep warm.

Their advice, which is supported by Al Gore is simple, go nude. By going nude the body will start to acclimatise and require less energy and clothing to heat or cool. The advice will be supported by a new Act of Parliament,

Friends of the Mud and the Naturism Society have welcomed the new initiative and will hold an official launch at the Mile High music festival where they will all strip.

The Mary Whitehouse appreciation society will be opposing the new Act and feminist groups have stated they will be keeping their clothes on.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Foreign owned companies more likely to fail in a recession.

2009-10-31T13:23:00.000Z

Foreign owned companies more likely to fail in a recession.

The CBI have again failed to report the findings of a report not done by management consultants due to time restraints and summer holidays.

The report highlights all companies are at risk during a recession of lower profits or even complete failure.

The report did discover some interesting facts.

you are equally at risk of redundancy during boom time as you are in a recession
American owned companies are more likely to relocate from the north of England to the south.
British owned companies fail to recognise they are in a recession until it is over.
French owned companies fail at the first hurdle and are not sure why

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Time travel makes you fat

2009-10-02T22:26:00.000+01:00

Well that’s the excuse Catherine Tate is using despite David Tennant still looking like a well travelled bean pole.

Previously Ms Tate blamed the ‘Adipose’ and the anti fat pill, however most people know that was only another sci-fi story and no body believed it. Next was the lame excuse of Mr Lyle putting to much sugar in her tea.

Catherine has used many different disguises to hide her bulging waistline, including long coats and jumpers. None have been effective to date. There has also been trouble with camera men on the scenes of Dr Who, where Catty insisted on head and shoulder shots only.

Rumours about the Tardis being overweight and failing a Ministry of Transport test are untrue according to a MOT spokesman, although they did admit to testing un-laden.

Catherine Tate was unavailable for comment, but her twin sister Donna said she was unable to recall what she was going to say.
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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Sarah Palin Got Pranked

2008-11-02T20:00:00.001Z

Masters of the prank

Gingers have more energy

2008-10-19T21:42:00.002+01:00

New research from the La Salle University in Bangladesh, by Louis de Larreviere claims it can prove ginger headed people have more energy than any other coloured hair type.

Real redheaded people have the advantage as their hair can conduct solar energy faster than any others as it has less resistance. The principle of Fermats, 'least time' is the idea that the path taken between two points by a ray of light is the path that can be traversed in the least time. Phaeomelanin has been identified as main factor as it is less likely to break down under extreme sunlight.

Associated research also claims that blonds who have a mixture of phaeomelanin and eumelanin have the most resistance due to the very dense matter in their hair.

Famous reds have not fully agreed with the research.

Ruby Wax said, "Its true, I have had more work and I just can not shut up."

Britney Spears who went red for the 2004 video 'Toxic' believed her carer was OK all the time she was red and started to go downhill went she went blonde.

Kay Burley displayed lots of energy and punched the spoof reporter on the nose.

Pierre de Fermat wondered if the formula x^n + y^n >= z^n could be solved. Fermat's Last Theorem defeated many young researchers and scientists alike, but did not confuse Louis de Larreviere.

Other famous redheads, Geri Halliwell, Chris Evans, Charles Kennedy, Anne Robinson and Charlie Dimmock where not to drunk to comment.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Basingstoke Town FC sign Joey Barton

2008-10-10T21:40:00.003+01:00

Basingstoke Town football club have today announced the signing of Joey Barton when he leaves prison.

The club secretary who was not available for comment said "Joe will bring some excellent street fighting skills to the club. We plan to role out these skills not only to our apprentices and juniors but to all our fans as well"

Stoke supporters have welcomed the move and intend to be outside Parkhurst prison on Bartons release date and hope to provoke him into a fight - "we need a role model that can walk the talk," said Bert the groundsman.

Club sponsors 'Hello Kitty' have given there approval and plan a new advertising campaign where Naomi Campbell and Joe team up to beat up some officials. Company press release stated, "Tokidoki was to tame and needed spicing up, Hello Kitty, Naomi and Joey are a peeerfect combination"

Airport staff / referees and team mates and friends are going to be main targets. Club sponsors stressed it will be light hearted and mainly for fun.

David Beckham said this is a sad day for the beautiful game of 3 halves and is considering his next move.

Radio 5 presenters are expected to go to Lincolnshire to find Basingstoke as they have not heard of the team and do not know what league its in.

Retired football pundit Alan Hanson gave this stark warning - the end of the world is nigh.

Breaking news - Kevin Keegan buys Newcastle United and requests Joe to be returned....

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Naomi Campbell in screaming fit

2008-10-05T19:33:00.005+01:00

Scots lass, Miss Campbell went into an uncontrollable rage today after insulting herself in front of millions.

Nutty Naomi shouted to Kay Burley that she was not in a rage, just reacting to the red headed and black eyed reporters questions. The reporter asked further questions on BA and racism, which made the once famous supermodel give a manic look in the direction of Burley and said "look lady, when you have 2 black eyes, we will talk"

Minders then hustled the dark destroyer into a waiting limousine. Campbell's spokesperson Kirsty Wigglesworth handed out a brief statement, which referred mainly to Vincent Van Gough, the Berkshire Hunt and the re-release of Naomi's hit single Love and Tantrums from her latest album, I used to be good looking, now I'm a useless crispy duck.

Kay Burley is due to interview Sarah Palin about her latest Facebook entry and her photo album of her in compromising positions in the Mayors office.

All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Celebrity makeover girls sacked

2008-09-27T21:15:00.003+01:00

The popular presenters of the BBC television series, What Not to Wear, Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine have been sacked and replaced by Ruth Kelly and Ann Widdecombe

Fashion gurus have said it been a long time coming as the pair had lost all sense of reality a long time ago. Despite the criticism, Trinny and Susannah have said they will still be advising the rich and famous on fashion, Victoria Beckham and Nora Batty to name a few.

Ruth and Anne said they will jump with joy, when they come down a few sizes, to celebrate their new jobs. They went on to say the auditions were very tough as there were a lot of others applying for the position.

Among the losers was a bitter Wendy Alexander she said "Its always the bimbos with no brains that win these competitions". Hazel Blears who came in third, was slightly more diplomatic with her response "Ann and Ruth have had so many rejections in the past, it was time they won something"

The new show will be broadcast on Christmas Day 2008 immediately after the Queens speech. Applications for a makeover should be sent as soon as possible as there are no places left.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

The Government are to give away free solar panels

2008-09-26T21:17:00.002+01:00

In an unprecedented move today the Government has announced it is to give away free solar panels.

Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs Hilary Benn has secured the funding for this from Energy Minister Malcolm Wicks after a heated argument over increased revenue from fuel taxes.

The tax windfall has got a few ministers arguing over where the money should be distributed. Lame dog Brown has distanced himself from the initiative as he has had his fingers burned to often recently; Darling wants to keep the money to help the now soaring national debt.

Backbenchers are asking for an increase in salary and expenses. Although Benn has won the day, it has been rumoured there will be a solar tax in the next budget.

The government has issued the following information for those who have questions:

How do I get a solar panel?
Contact Defra direct, either by phone, post or email.

How do they determine who gets one?
First come first served, the waiting list starts on the 6th of June 2008

How big are the panels?
The panels are distributed according to the size of house you have, the bigger the house, the more panels you get.

How do I fit the panels?
Your local Council will fit the panels free of charge, full details will come with the panels when delivered.

How much power will the solar panels generate?
They will generate enough to run the house

Will I still need electric / gas?
No, the solar panels system will be a total replacement.

Defra have emphasised - there are limited stocks in supply...well...there are none. Panels will be supplied on a first come first served basis, so don't order now.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Tata motors to buy Ferrari and Skoda

2008-09-23T15:24:00.002+01:00

There are new additions to Tata's stable, with "cavallino rampante" taking pole position.

The makers of the Nano who have entered into agreement to buy Jaguar Land Rover have indicated there will be some changes to the numerous models and makes available when they acquire Ferrari and Skoda.

The famous shapes of Ferrari will stay but the engines will be replaced by the fuel efficient aluminium, 623cc two cylinder petrol engine. Land Rover will get a similar transformation but with a larger (to be developed) 900cc, three cylinder diesel engine.

Jaguar will loss all of its original models but there will be a new Jag pickup. All brands will be renamed using Tata as the prefix with the exception of Skoda who's name will disappear altogether.

The tea lady who writes the scripts for BBC Top Gear said "it's a sad day for Skoda" - ta ta

Victoria "Vicki" Butler-Henderson also expressed her sadness at the loss of some famous names, but did say there was some nice ta ta's out there.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Blair pours water over Brown at the Labour Party conference!

2008-09-20T08:42:00.001+01:00

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

The Lone Voice: Gordon Brown - Downfall.

2008-09-08T22:09:00.002+01:00

The Lone Voice: Gordon Brown - Downfall.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

What do you think? please leave a comment

Lone Worker

2008-09-05T20:13:00.002+01:00

The Labour party are in disarray today as it has lost the Prime Minister, although Gordon Brown is not in the real sense a true lone worker, he does have to work on his own as he has no friends and by default a very lonely worker.

A spokesman for 10 Downing Street has said the PM was on holiday in Southend, Jacqui Smith said it was all under control and will hold another public enquiry, although David Milliband has contacted the HSE for further advice on lone workers.

The Chinese government have denied he is in Beijing on a jolly.

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Flesh Gordon meets Darling

All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Pit bull Palin

2008-09-04T21:53:00.002+01:00

Pit bull with lipstick, or the new face of American politics?

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Radio 5 live report on football

2008-08-31T21:50:00.003+01:00

Undercover agents have found that non of the 5 Live presenters have ever been to a live football match.

Tank topped Rachel Burden said this was untrue and had been to see a Sunday League match in Skegness in 1962 and Victoria Derbyshire will have a phone in on the subject sometime next year.

Mike Saggers confessed that tonight's match with Chelsea v Manchester United in London was not live and was recorded last week and he did not attend but did a voice over - "I suppose we had it coming" but did defend the BBC's policy on being careful with the public money.

Nicky Campbell said it was just a storm in a tea cup because no one could actually see them could they?

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Dr. X's Free Associations: Photo of Palin with Elk

2008-08-31T21:13:00.002+01:00

Dr. X's Free Associations: Photo of Palin with Elk

"And I will not post the alleged nude photo of Palin, no matter how many people come here looking for it" - Dr X

Link to not so nude photos of Palin
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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Free Legally Blonde tickets not available

2008-08-25T21:43:00.002+01:00

The much hyped free ticket give away for the new musical of Legally Blonde has been shelved as nobody thought to do it.

Bailey Hanks said there will not be any winners of this none competition, but tickets will be available soon from ticket sellers on platform 1.

The film has a extremist fan base and has been very popular with the legal profession. A spokesman for the Law Society issued a statement to waiting taxi drivers. The statement, full of legal jargon was not understood and thrown in the bin. However a solicitor said "Most people in the legal profession cannot afford to go to shows like this and we were waiting for the free tickets, it now looks as if we will miss the opening night, unless we can issue an injunction and delay the show"

The Strand Theatre has denied being involved in the fiasco and said the show will go on for one month followed by the first performance of the 'Hedi Fleiss' play, the story of how she made people rise to fame.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

BBC in hands of the Official Receivers

2008-08-25T17:16:00.002+01:00

The Boring Broadcasting Company has had to admit defeat as it no longer had the resources to pay any of its staff or fund any further outings or lunches for its reporting staff.

The BBC have been pleading poverty for years and has asked the Government to rip of licence-fee payers to fund its bad management and expensive expense fund.

The expense bill is high and is estimated to be around 75% of its total income, leaving 20% for wages and 5% for new programming and reality shows.

The Official Receiver has told creditors, including Ascot Races, Wimbledon and Around Britain power boat race organisers, that there is no money left in the pot.

Carol Kirkwood was disappointed she will no longer be given champagne breakfasts at Ascot and Wimbledon and wondered if she will get a final day out at the boat race. Declan Curry, another boat race fan who toured the whole of Britain while following the power boat race was resigned to the fact he would have to stay in the studio from now on. Mike Bushell was unavailable for comment as he was out playing rounder's in Peru at the fee payers expense.

Dimwits Sian Williams and Bill Turnbull were available for comment but refused to say anything until the Autocue was turned back on.

Virgins, Richard Branston Pickle is said to be interested in making an offer, only if it made all its staff redundant.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.