TOMILOLA VANNA

Year 2 of Forever: A new beginning.

2023-08-01T07:10:00.002-07:00

It’s our 2nd wedding anniversary and I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t have tasked myself to write a post every anniversary because this year, I’m not sure what to say.

I watched a lot of Disney movies as a child. Almost everyone of them ended up with the characters falling in love, getting married and living happily ever after. Subconsciously, that taught me that marriage was a finish line. It was the perfect ending to every love story.

In our second year, I’ve found out that marriage is not a finish line. It actually signifies new beginnings. It signifies dropping old habits…giving some things up. I've had to give pride up. I have someone I can lean on and ask for help. I've had to give fear up. I have someone who took a vow to never leave me. I've had to give ‘giving up’ up. I have someone that will fight with me and for us.

In our second year, I have learnt that God blesses us with the gift of marriage so we don’t have to walk through life alone. My pain is his pain. My joy is his joy. My struggle with infertility is his struggle with infertility. My heart is safe in his hands. Truly, a healthy marriage is a gift from God and how fortunate I am to be blessed with such a beautiful gift.

Cheers to Year 2. Forever to go.

Thanks for stopping by,

In the waiting, there was Jesus

2023-05-15T07:20:00.001-07:00

Infertility...it hurts even typing it. Mahn, dealing with infertility is unexplainable unless you have gone through it or are going through it. The countless Doctor's appointments...the hope every ovulation...the hopelessness after every negative pregnancy test...the feeling of grief after an ectopic pregnancy...the desire for the world to stop for you to mourn....the heavy tears on mother's day in church...the fear that you will never be enough for your husband...the hopelessness on the Doctor's face when he tells you not to even bother with IVF.

Sometimes, people on the apps, who have been posting frequently, go on to make an announcement of struggles they’ve overcome with words like - you never know what goes on behind the scenes.

I am not one of those people. I cannot post frequently when I’m in pain or mourning. I crumble. I curl up in bed. I cry a lot. I question God. I want to hide away forever. I go to bed crying and wake up with swollen eyes, then I pray. Sometimes, I don’t have the words so I cry to Jesus believing He makes sense of my tears. Then I call my mother and she comforts me and prays for me in Yoruba. Then I call my sister and we laugh and cry together. Then I go to bed and do it all over again.

As a Christian, I am learning that God is with me in the waiting...in the hurting...in the sadness and even in the doubt. I am learning to hold on to God's report, not the Doctors' report. I am learning to ignore the Doctors when they say I'm running out of time because I serve the author of time and no one can determine how much time I have left, but Jesus. Most recently, I've learnt that I am not any less of a Christian because I cry. Jesus cried, so I get to cry too, if I want.

OUTFIT DETAILS

Zara Blazer || Zara Pants || Versace Sunnies || Amazon Bag || Amazon Necklace

Photographed by my husband.

Love & Light,

Talk Thirty To Me…

2022-08-19T00:42:00.001-07:00

I have been looking forward to my 30th birthday since I turned 25. At 25, my life had just turned upside down and I thought I’d have it all figured out by 30. So I have been patiently waiting for this day for 5 years now.

Guess what? It’s here and I don’t have it all figured out and it’s taken me 5 years to realise that it’s totally fine (and normal) to not have it all figured out. I’m not waiting for 35 or 40 or 50 to enjoy the life I have now.

I have a few things figured out though:

I owe my entire existence to Jesus Christ. It might sound like a cliche thing to say but I have tried a life without Jesus. I tried it and I realised for me, a life without Jesus, is just not fulfilling. So, I really do, absolutely, owe my entire existence to Jesus.
I married well and that’s something I never thought I would do. I bet 21 & 25 years old Tomi will be pleasantly shook if they saw my marriage now.
There is no manual to parenting and my parents did the best they knew how to and that has shaped who I am today, so I am thankful I got them as my creators.
I am entitled to frequent pats on my back. I have done well. I am doing well. I am doing the best I can. I am showing up everyday as my authentic self. I’m sticking up for myself when I need to and humbling myself when I need to.
My applause is worth more, to me, than a thousand external applauses. I, alone, know the journey and thus, while a thousand applauses sound lovely, my applause is the most important validation for me.

I hope to remember these 5 things as I step into the 3rd floor of my life. 7 more floors to go (hopefully)🤞🏾

Thank you for sharing in my life and I hope I have encouraged you to live authentically. And if you have failed at that, I hope I have encouraged you to start over.

Lots of love,

Tomilola Vanna

To the Immigrant in all of us...

2022-08-02T07:50:00.001-07:00

It’s been 2.5 years since I packed up my bags from a life I loved to move to Canada. I remember getting lots of advice when I was moving out here, but one has stuck with me more than others.

“Canada is going to try to tell you who you are…who you should be…or that who you were before did not matter. No matter what happens, don’t listen to it. Don’t forget who you are.”

At the time, I thought it was an odd advice and certainly an unnecessary one. I knew who I was. Fast forward a couple months in Canada, I didn’t know who I was. Career wise, I went from a General Counsel to a Paralegal because that’s what Canada told me I was worthy of and I believed her. I remember a recruiter calling me to tell me about a job opening for a receptionist position and from her accent, I knew she was also an immigrant. I told her I was only open to Paralegal roles while I completed the process to requalify in Canada. The tone of her voice changed and I could hear the anger in her voice. She told me “No one is going to hire a new immigrant as a Paralegal. You have to start from scratch…look at me, I also started from scratch and I’ve grown”. I replied calmly letting her know I recently started a new role as a Senior Paralegal and you could hear the shock in her voice. She congratulated me and asked to keep in touch. I agreed but that was the last I heard from her.

When people would ask me what I am, I would say I used to be a lawyer, but now I work as a Paralegal. For a year, I kept telling people that, but most importantly, I kept telling myself that. It was not entirely true. I let Canada tell me who I was…who I should be…and that who I was before did not matter. It was a lie.

One day, when I was talking to someone and they asked me what I did. I replied “I am a Lawyer, but cannot practice in Canada yet, so I currently work as a Manager of Contracts and Privacy in a Tech company in the meantime." The person looked flawed by that statement and even I was flawed. I had taken back my power from Canada. I remembered who I was…who I am…and that what I used to do and currently do matters.

So, I’m writing this for all the physical immigrants and to the immigrants in all of us whether we’ve left our homes or not. Do not let anyone tell you who are. Do not let anyone tell you who you should be. Do not let anyone tell you that who you were did not matter. You control your own narrative.

#VannaMail: This post was initially published as VannaMail #1, a monthly newsletter I send out to select people who Sign up here. I have posted this here due to popular demand from people who signed up after August 1. For all other #VannaMails, please Sign up here.

FASHION: I bought this dress last Black Friday for my Tulum trip but it came while I was in Tulum, so I never got to wear it. It's a light corset dress. I find that corset dresses can be a hit or miss. They can do too much sometimes, but this was a cute one. Would I buy it in many colours? Probably not, but I like it for a nice afternoon summer. The dress is sold out, but I found another corset dress I like HERE and a SECOND, THIRD, FOURTH and FIFTH option as well. I paired this with my Lack of Color HAT, an Australian brand I like. The hats are on the pricey side but really good quality. The heels are my tested and trusted Tom Form dupe that I have wrote about HERE. The basket is thrifted and the sunnies are a random pair I picked up in-store from Aldo.

Love & Light,

Gbas - We Learn. Gbos - We Unlearn.

2022-07-27T07:46:00.001-07:00

When I wrote about my anniversary a few weeks ago, I wrote about how the first year was blissful and I didn’t understand why people say it is the hardest year.

Well, quick update – the arguments in the last few weeks are more than what was had in the preceding one year. We have been giving each other gbas gbos* LOL.

Marriage is something that you can never completely grasps. When you think you have figured it out, there’s always more to learn. In fact, it’s like signing up for school where you have to be the student at all times and the teacher at specific moments. There is always something to learn and unlearn. So, as we go through this difficult gbas gbos stage, I am still thankful for it because it gives us an opportunity to learn, unlearn and most importantly keep trusting God on this beautiful journey we chose to embark on, on a hot sunny day in a Rose Garden.

FASHION: I am absolutely obsessed with Nigerian Designers. I ordered this outfit from a Nigerian-based Fashion Designer - Niovo Official. It was custom made because I had to send precise measurements and I had to maintain those measurements for 3 weeks while I waited for the outfit...jk jk ~~(not really)~~. Anyways, my favourite part about this outfit? It has something inside the top that cinches your waist in giving you the illusion of the hour glass shape society has conditioned us to think is ideal. I talked about the shoes in a Previous Post Here. The purse is one of my favourites part of this outfit. It is a Vintage Gold Purse that adds some character to the outfit and it is only $30!!! You can purchase it Here and check out other suggestions Here.

Thanks for stopping by,

*Gbas Gbos is a Nigerian slang meaning a war of words between two or more people.

TO THE WAVES

2022-07-26T06:26:00.001-07:00

Recently, I was talking to a friend about how I wanted to quit Instagram because it did nothing for my soul anymore. I talked about how blogging was always therapeutic until now.

My friend said to me; “even when you love something, you do not feel the same way about it all the time”.

It made me realise that everything about life, goals, projects and dreams come in waves. Some days, you are absolutely in love with what you do and some days, you question everything. In some moments, the ocean is still and in other moments, it’s raging. In stillness and in rage, it’s still the ocean.

I am learning that when I love blogging and when I don’t, deep down, I’m still me. I’m still a girl who loves to write down her heart and who loves to dress up even with nowhere to go. Some days, the writer girl will show up. Some days, the fashion girl will show up. Some days, both girls will show up. Some days, none of the girls will show up. And on that day where none show up, I have to remember there’s still a girl and she’s still all of these things…just not today and that’s okay.

Here's to riding the waves.

FASHION: I'm always looking for new brands to try so imagine my excitement when a Vietnamese brand popped up on my Instagram Feed. I fell in love with the different collections on their website and settled on this Structured Peplum Top. I am wearing an XL because I was aware that the brand runs small and was probably not designed for a black woman's body, but hey, we make it work. I also liked this Top and this Top, but living within my tax bracket means I can't get it all haha. I decided to offset the seriousness of the top with a flowy pair of pants from an amazing Black Designer. The pants are now sold out, but I managed to find an Identical Pair here. I was determined to keep things monotonous as best as I could so settled on a pair of green pointees which are now sold out but found a more budget friendly version here and a similar pair from Zara. The bag and sunnies are also oldies from Zara.

Thanks for stopping by.

Year 1 of Forever: The 1st Year of Marriage

2022-07-04T07:25:00.007-07:00

It was our 1-year anniversary a couple of days ago and we started this tradition of getting all dressed up and taking fancy pictures every year because the collection will look bomb at Year 50.

Anyways, back to the anniversary. People say the first year is the hardest and I really hope so because I haven’t found it very hard at all. I’m hoping that was the worst and it’s all roses from now on.

I went into marriage being absolutely sure I loved him and that hasn’t changed. I love him more now than I did when I said “I do” that summer afternoon. But you know what, sometimes I didn’t like him very much. Love – I’ve found is steady…it’s conscious…it’s often times effortless…it’s a decision. Like – on the other hand, is rocky, inconsistent but important in a marriage…not as much as love is, but important in its own right.

On the days I didn’t like him or his decisions, I loved him still. And on the days, I didn’t like me very much, he loved me enough for the both of us. I always thought you had to fix all parts of yourself before you come into marriage but I was wrong. He has taught me that you don’t. Sometimes brokenness takes you by surprise and shows itself long after you thought you’ve healed. Before your marriage, it’s worth knowing all the parts of you that are broken and need work, but you don’t have to have it all fixed. There are some parts of you that might need someone else’s love to fix and I am not ashamed to say that anymore. Self-love is amazing, but sometimes, love from another is the fix.

I always joke that He was meant to be a husband because he is the most husbandest husband I know. But what I really mean is that he was always meant to be my husband. God always intended that a bold unapologetic black woman from Lagos would marry a calm, self-assured white man from Vancouver. While marriage is not an accomplishment, a healthy marriage is a blessing and this is one of my biggest blessings. To love and be loved.

Cheers to Year 1. Forever to go.

Thanks for stopping by.

Repeat Offender

2022-03-26T14:23:00.003-07:00

How many times can you wear one pants? The answer is as many times as you like especially when they cost CAD$166. I bought this Imad Eduso Pants right before my holiday to Tulum and wore it to a New Year's Eve Rooftop Dinner with my husband. You can watch a reel of it Here and see the couples shot Here.

Anyways, back to the pants - For the most part, they are true to size and the quality is superb. One thing I say with my full chest is Nigerian Designers are in a league of their own. Here are the 2 other times I've worn this pants in 3 months! No shame in the game!

Thanks for stopping by.

The (Hidden) Curse of Sisterhood

2022-03-26T14:02:00.000-07:00

LIFESTYLE:

Growing up with a sister who you look like and is a year apart is like someone signing you up for a pageant.

We received unsolicited comparisons well into our early 20s. People would walk up to us to tell us who they thought was finer. Aunties and Uncles told us who was well-mannered and who wasn’t. Who is smarter? Who is more successful? Who is hotter? Who is a better dancer? Who is a better Christian? It goes on and on.

But one thing my sister and I did, was never thought one of us was better than the other. Unsolicited comparisons was just noise. We were, still are, our greatest cheerleaders!

I’ve come to learn that:

Growing up with a sister who you look like and is a year apart is like someone giving you a best friend for life!

FASHION:

My sister is wearing this lush green coat, the green is so unique to Zara that we named it the Zara Green (Haha). My coat is oversized and it's very much a depiction of my winter style. Bold, Colourful and oh so fun. Both Coats are sold out but I am on the look out for great alternatives and will update this post as soon as I find them. My bag is the ridiculously tiny Jacquemus Le Chiquito Bag. One day, I'll talk about the peer pressure that caused me to spend over $600 on a bag that can barely fit my house keys talk less my phone.

Thanks for stopping by.

Aren't we multidimensional?

2022-03-26T13:40:00.001-07:00

LIFESTYLE:

Whenever I mention wanting a baby, people with children always tell me to relax, that it’ll happen, enjoy your marriage etc.

And it makes me wonder why those two things are mutually exclusive. Why can’t I enjoy my marriage and want a baby at the same time? Why can’t I relax and desire at the same time?

It’s similar to married people telling single people to focus on their career instead of their desire for a relationship. Why can’t one focus on their career and desire a relationship?

Humans are multi-dimensional and we can want many things at the same time while still enjoying what we have.

In my experience, having a baby involves lots of sex. Most men (and women) love lots of sex. Sometimes, it involves disappointment, but it also involves lots of laughter - my husband once offered to lift my legs and shake it to ensure nothing spills out😂😂😂😂

FASHION:

Wearing this Wani Fuga Dress is a symbol of how much I've grown into myself because for one, I always thought I had to hate pink because I didn't want to be too "girly". Turns out I am very girly and happily so. The Dress is a stunner in itself so I kept everything else simple. The Gold Heels are a dupe of the Tom Ford Gold Padlock Heels and for a girl who lives on a budget and can only last an hour in heels, it made sense to skip the splurge.

Thanks for stopping by.

I'm doing the "YouTube" Thing || TOMILOLA VANNA

2020-08-26T09:21:00.008-07:00

So, I caved and decided to re-start YouTube. I know. I know. Everyone's doing it. It's so cliche now. But you know what, everyday eggs hatch all over the world to produce new birds who will find space in the sky to fly. I don't think a bird is gonna be like "everyone's doing the flying thing, so I'm not gonna". Birds are gonna do what birds do, which is "fly baby, fly".

Now, I am not a bird (at least I don't think so), but I am an over-sharer and YouTube is for sharing, right? So it's in my lane. Over-sharing brought all you wonderful people in my life and over-sharing heals the broken parts in my life, so this is normal for me.

I'm still perfecting my craft. I posted a video yesterday where I messed up the audio (I was doing the most LOL), but you know what, I posted it anyways. Why? I want you to see the growth in me...through my channel. I want you to come on the journey with me. I want you to walk with me when I have squeaky audio to when I have fantastic audio. I want you to see growth. I could have waited to perfect my craft, but I'm not perfect and I don't ever want to put out an image of perfection to you all.

Now, to the begging part, if you could subscribe to my channel, that would be dope ["Tomilola Vanna"]. It would make me happier to see my YouTube family grow.

What can you expect from my YouTube Channel?

- Life/Career Hacks

- Snippets from my love life [ah, the juicy content]

- Snippets from my faith walk

- A little fashion and style videos here are there

So, yeah, support your girl - if you want to and if it doesn't harm your mental health.

Lots of love,

Toxic? Non-Toxic? I've been both.

2020-08-18T09:38:00.007-07:00

I’m currently reading a YouVersion plan with my boyfriend that is taking us through the book of Mark in the Bible. [Keep reading even if you’re not religious – I’m going somewhere]. Anyways, we get to a few verses where Jesus is eating with tax collectors (aka bad bad sinners) and the Pharisees (teachers of the law) were not having it. They were not too excited about the prospects of sinners chilling with Jesus. Quite frankly, they were very toxic folks.

Part of reading a plan together means we get to discuss what we’ve read and what that means for us, individually. Now, as a “church girl”, I have read that chapter too many times and I have always criticized the Pharisees, but never acknowledged that I have been one. So, when my boyfriend said to me “you know, I’ve been both the Pharisee and a Tax Collector at different times in my life”, I was taken aback. But, it made me look within myself and admit same.

There are times in my life where I have been a Pharisee, judging others in need of mercy and there are times when I have been a Tax Collector, looking for mercy when I deserved judgment. There are times when I have been the toxic one in situations projecting my insecurities and fears on others. And there are times when I have been non-toxic, confident in who I am and spreading love as a result. The truth is sometimes; we are different people in different seasons of our lives. Some of those seasons, we were terrible people and in order to truly grow, we have to admit the wrongs we did and/or the people we may have hurt. We make amends where we can, first with ourselves, always first with ourselves, and then with others. So yes, I have been both a Pharisee and a Tax Collector.

Lots of love,

Culled from Mark 2:15-16

Lessons From New Love...

2020-07-30T21:36:00.005-07:00

Let me warn you, I have no idea what direction this blog is going to take. I’m just writing whatever I want. I think that’s the beauty of growing into yourself. You realize that while it’s nice to get the approval of people, you don’t need it. Okay, back to the topic at hand.

I’m in love again. Yeap, you just read that. I’m in love again with a man (gentle reminder that I am still straight). Anyways, being in love after a long time of enjoying your single life can be such a weird space to be. Now, we are not going into the specifics of my new relationship because it’s not as juicy as you might think it is. We are just two people who laugh at and with each other.

Right, so a few years ago, I wrote about Lessons from a broken engagement. If you missed it, you can read it here. Well, I’ve been learning some lessons from new love and thought I’d share five of those lessons in this post.

You’ll have to surrender control

One of the best things about being single for a while is that you become incredibly selfish with your time and energy. It’s all about you…your feelings…your thoughts…your time. You don’t need to think about anyone else when making decisions. However, that doesn’t work much in relationships. You’re going to relearn the act of selflessness. Now, selflessness with your time and maybe money here and there – (emphasis on here and there o, don’t go lavishing on your partner anyhow o). Selfless, especially with your short-term plans (not long-term plans). That takes a lot of relearning if you were happy single.

Your past trauma will be triggered.

Okay, now, this one shocked me. I’d done the praying, the working on myself and the therapy to rid myself of my trauma. I thought they could never be triggered (maybe I was naïve), but I was surprised when they creeped up for no reason. A new relationship might trigger painful experiences or memories from your previous relationship and you have to learn to deal with that. Some of those triggers, you deal with it with your new partner and some, you deal with it on your own. This is because most people come with some form of baggage, but you should never let your new relationship suffer because of the damage from your past relationship. Most importantly, it’s not the job of your new partner to be a therapist for wounds from your past relationship. So, the trauma may visit, but you must never let it stay. You must never give it room to rest or wings to fly. You must let the trauma know – there’s no space for you here…not anymore.

You must allow yourself to feel the newness

Many people joke about how they don’t want to indulge another “what’s your favourite colour?” conversation again. That’s the code phrase for “I’m tired of newness”. But long term happy couples don’t happen overnight. They all started from new. So, you’ll need to embrace the newness. I’m not saying you’ll spend all your time talking about mundane things like “what’s your favourite colour?”, but you’ll need to not shy away from embracing the newness of your love. Don’t be in a hurry to be the stable established couple. Embrace wherever you are in your love-story. (That is not the code phrase for situation-ships, dears). Enjoy the time in getting to know what tickles the other’s fancy (Peep the Nigerian-ness in that phrase).

Accept the uncertainty

All relationships come with a level of uncertainty. You get a new job? There’s no guarantee that you won’t get fired. You get married to a lovely partner? There’s no guarantee that your partner wouldn’t switch up on you. Even the relationship you have with yourself isn’t certain. One day you’re feeling like the best thing since sliced bread. Another day, you’re feeling like a bag of potatoes (not even sweet potatoes). New relationships (like any relationship) come with a degree of uncertainty and you have to accept that. One of the feedbacks I got from posting a picture of my boyfriend on my Instagram is “what if you guys break up?” To which I replied, I’ll delete the picture and move on with my life. Now, this does not mean you adopt a “whatever will be, will be” attitude to your relationship. Nope, you work on it. You communicate with your partner to ensure your life goals align. You keep working on it and keep communicating. You both do your part and it should work. By God’s grace, it does work, but don’t feel bad for recognizing and accepting uncertainties in your relationships.

You’ll become a student

I think this might apply for all types of relationships. But one thing I’m learning from this new relationship is how to be a student…how to be a learner. You have to be very open to being a student of your partner’s life…what is offensive to them…what is their love language…what is their pet peeve…what is their culture like.... It’s a continuous learning process. You’ll hang out with people in your partner’s life who know more about them than you do and that is okay. You’ve got to accept that you’re a student again. Maybe one day, you’ll be a master, but with the way humans keep evolving, I think we’ll always be students.

I hope you gained as much insight reading it as I did writing it. Again, I am no relationship expert. I know as much as the next person when it comes to human relationships. These are just the lessons I’ve learnt in the past couple of months. My blog has been a way to share my life experiences and this is just one of them. I would love to read your comments on this.

Love & Light

Making a blogger's comeback?

2020-07-23T07:41:00.001-07:00

Hi there,

I’m just going to assume I’m talking to myself now because it’s been almost two years since I posted and if we are being honest, four years since I was consistent at this. Right, what has happened since October 30, 2018? Well, lots (not really), let’s get into it.

The year is 2020 and there’s a PANDEMIC. Yeap, a highly infectious virus called “Coronavirus/COVID” is rampaging the whole world. This means the most fun anyone can have this year is to stay alive. I’m still alive hence this blog post. We now greet each other with phrases like “Stay healthy”; “Stay safe” and “Stay masked”.

Right, moving on from the pandemic. I moved countries (again). So, let’s do a little recap. From Nigeria to England to Nigeria and now, to Canada. Phew! What interesting times! Anyways, I settled in Vancouver, B.C. Canada is made up of provinces and cities (not states), so that’s taking a while to get used to. So why did I move? That’s a story for another blog post (ooooh, the suspense LOL)

Oh my gosh, I almost forgot. I wrote a book. Yes! A book called “NOW, WE UNLEARN”. It is a collection of poetry about the things I experienced personally and things I experienced through others. It was really difficult to write these things, but I’m glad I did. If you’re in Nigeria and you wanna buy one, send me a DM via my Instagram (@TomilolaVanna). If you’re outside Nigeria, you can buy it via Amazon Kindle.

What next? I don’t know. The blogging world is very unforgiving. Once you disappear for a while, it’s hard to come back. People expect you to monetize it (which isn’t bad, but just way too much pressure) and people demand consistency. I’m not great with that. Also, I’m such a different person from the person I was when I started this blog and I don’t know if you’ll like the new me, but I’m gonna put myself out there and see what happens. Maybe I’ll fail at this (such is life) or maybe someone else other than me will read this every once in a while.

Are outfit details still a thing? If yes, my dress is from New Look and I got it via ASOS.

Talk soon?

Lots of love

LESSONS FROM A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT

2018-10-30T08:09:00.000-07:00

It’s been about two years since I made the scary decision to call off my engagement. It was tough and I really didn’t think that I was going to ever get to a ‘happy’ place again but I did. So, I thought why not share 5 things I learnt from a broken engagement. I think these lessons are relatable even if yours was just a broken relationship or even if you are in a happy relationship.

1. Admit that you’re broken/shaken up by it.

One of my biggest mistakes after ending my relationship was that I was doing “tough guy”. I didn’t want to grieve the loss of the relationship. I felt like if I didn’t talk about it, it wouldn’t hurt. But that set me back a few months in the healing process, because I didn’t start to heal until I admitted that I was shaken up by it. And you are allowed to be shaken up if things ended with someone you were/are in love with.

2. Figure how why it ended and the role you played in it

For so long, I couldn’t really explain to anyone why I called off my engagement but I certainly didn’t think it was my fault we didn’t work. But if you do not figure out why a relationship ended and the role you played in it, you’ll just repeat the same mistakes in your next relationship and it becomes a vicious cycle. My ex was not a model boyfriend by any standard, quite frankly, he was the typical ‘Lagos boy’ who went out of his way to cheat on me because he could. But, I cannot honestly say I didn’t do or say the wrong things in that relationship and ultimately both our actions led to the demise of the relationship. I am having to unlearn things I thought were normal in relationships because I have accepted the harmful role I played in the destruction of the relationship.

3. A break-up is a detox, but you need to refill.

There’s a Bible verse (Matthew 12:43-45) that talks about what happens when a demon leaves a body. It says the demon will try to find another body and when it finds none, it will go back to the body it originally left and if it finds that body unoccupied, it will return with 7 other demons more deadly than itself and they’ll re-occupy the body. So, granted a break-up isn’t like a demon leaving your body ~~(or maybe it is – you may have been dating Lucifer),~~ but when you end a relationship, it’s like going through a detox and there’s a void in your heart and your schedule where your ex used to occupy. In order to move on, you’re going to have to re-fill. You will need to find more productive things to fill up the void. Until, I found something constructive to fill up the void I felt, I wanted my ex and my old life back even though I knew deep down that would have been a terrible decision.

4. You have probably neglected an important relationship

From my experience and the experience of others that I have been privy to, most of us neglected a relationship with ourselves when we got into a relationship with someone new. And that’s totally normal because we get all excited about this new person that we subconsciously focus on them and the relationship we are about to have, However, that is totally unhealthy, because you subconsciously place your happiness on this new person and if that relationship doesn’t work out, you don’t know how to deal with yourself as an individual. So, I remember sitting with myself after I came to terms with the break up and went “Right, so who are you?” I’m not sure I was prepared to deal with the answers that followed at the time but I’m glad I had that conversation.

5. The pain might change you.

So, if you are like me and your last breakup was excruciatingly painful, I have some sad news for you – the pain might change you – (albeit for a while). After dealing with all the pain, I put up some ridiculously difficult and high walls and I didn’t think I was capable (or even wanted to be capable) of love. I went on dates to waste both my time and the guys’ time because I could. Until, one Saturday evening, I was having a business meeting at a lovely restaurant and there were all these “happy looking” couples around me. As soon as I got back home that night, I called my best friend, with tears in my eyes asking; “why can’t I remember what that feels like?” After that phone call, I realised that the walls I had put up not only kept people out, they kept me in – unable to feel. Anger, I approve. Love, I approve. Hate, I understand but numbness, now that is a killer. So, I learnt to be sensitive to what the experience was doing to my mind, body and spirit, so that that I do not allow the past dictate my future.

I hope that this was a great read and I really hope this helps someone see that even though, they experienced a broken relationship, they are not broken. I would love to read about the lessons you learnt from your broken engagement/relationship. Please share in the comments section.

Love & Light,

The 26th Chapter!

2018-08-18T23:01:00.000-07:00

I turn 26 today! WooHoo!

My birthdays are a time of reflection. I didn’t really have significant birthday parties growing up. There was my 1^st birthday which I don’t remember, but there’s a picture of me with a knife and a cake, plus my mom said there was a party, so I believe her. Then there was my 10^th birthday which was spent at the beach with family. That one, I remember quite vividly. It was fun at the time. There wasn’t much of anything again till my 24^th birthday. That one was so significant. I got engaged to the then ‘love of my life’ and ate lobster at the same time (lobster is absolutely disgusting by the way). That was a good day. My ring was the most beautiful rose gold ring and I wasn’t sure anything could top that.

But on my 25^th birthday, I went all out – trying to prove to myself and my ex that I was happy. I threw a birthday just to prove that I didn’t need my ex and that I was happy. It was beautiful. I worked hard for a summer body and got it. The party was amazing, but as soon as I got home, I called my ex because all I really wanted was to spend the day with him and relive my 24^th birthday.

Then there’s today – my 26^th birthday. There are no balloons, no flowers and definitely no party. There’s me in a beautiful hotel room surrounded by 4 of my best girlfriends. There is no longer a need to put on a charade or an appearance of happiness; because when you’re really happy, you don’t feel the need to prove it to anyone. I don’t eat cake but I got one cupcake and blew out a candle at midnight. I’m making this a tradition.

It’s crazy how it’s taken me 26years to realise that I am whole and complete by myself. I have thrown away all the “I can’ts” and “I am not good enoughs” from my vocabulary. I can and I am good enough. I accept that there are parts of me that are still broken from the pain I suffered, but healing is a daily job and I’m making significant progress. I’m throwing away the tough exterior from now on. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable. I don’t feel guilty for starting life all over again at 26! Better late than never, they say. So here’s to finally loving myself at the big age of 26! Love & light!

Lots of love,

Friendly Competitions

2018-07-24T08:44:00.001-07:00

I attended games’ night the other day and I was hell’a competitive! Some of my friends were a bit taken aback because I’m usually so chilled (unless someone is trying to pull a fast one on me at work and I’m not having that). In my group of friends, I’m the designated “hypeman”. I’m always telling everyone how bomb they’re looking, so it came as a surprise to some that I was sabotaging a competitor on games’ night. Lol. I mean, I would like to think I’m the “Taboo Queen”.

I personally think there is a time and place for competition and even at that, it should be healthy. In hindsight, purposefully sabotaging someone’s game on games’ night isn’t fun but this is SPARTA!-_- Anyways, it got me thinking of unhealthy competitions and my experience with them. I remember driving home one day when I got a really long message from an acquaintance stating that – long story short –I feel like I’m better than I and I may even be diabolical towards her; hence the reason for her (mis)fortune. To say I was shocked would be an understatement, as this wasn’t someone I thought about often. The whole incident made me take a trip down memory lane to my relationship with this person over the years and I started to spot traces of unhealthy competition within our “friendship”. I only imagine that must have heightened over the years to the point of entertaining the thought that I was being diabolical at all…let alone towards her. I’ve since learnt that there is a time and place for competition and that is NEVER within a friendship or in families because that is just toxic.

If you go back to the first ounce of competition in the Bible as evidenced in Cain and Abel’s relationship, you would see just how toxic competition is. When Cain saw that God was more pleased with Abel’s offering because Abel gave God the absolute best he had while Cain gave just anything, Cain could have seen this as a learning experience and resolve to do better the next time there was an offering to be given. Instead, the unhealthy competition led to jealousy which in turn led to rage and rage finally led to murder.

What do you think about competitions in friendships? Are you for or against them?

Lots of love,

“Competition has been shown to be useful up to a certain point and no further, but cooperation, which is the thing we must strive for today, begins where competition leaves off” - Franklin D. Roosevelt

Review: PAINT AND SIP!

2018-06-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

I’m constantly always looking for fun things to do in Lagos...things that don’t break the bank and generally don’t involve anything that hurts my spirit. So when I stumbled on a Sip and Paint event on Instagram, I was proper interested. I signed up for it and got one of my best friends to join me.

The event is organized by @artsplashstudio and hosted at La Taverna. First of all, I love the location (the downside being parking isn’t so great). It’s chilled enough to have an intimate dinner or to have a paint party where you can be a bit loud and annoying lol

The Sip and Paint was to start at 7pm and they said there would be no African time. Tapping into my caucasian spirit, I arrived at 6.56pm and I was the first one there... I sat by myself while I waited for everyone else to show up. By 7.15ish, we got the show on the road. Our instructor -Ameh introduced himself to us and guided us throughout the whole process. Honestly, it was so refreshing to be taught by someone who not only knew what he was doing but absolutely loved his job as well.

While getting our Picasso on, a waitress went round to ask if we wanted red or white wine. It was at this moment, we started “sipping” and “painting”. I totally enjoyed the whole experience and would recommend to anyone that’s interested. The best part? You get to take your painting home!!!

Ratings - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Organiser - Art Splash Studio ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Location - La Taverna Lagos ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Instructor - Ameh | Ace Painting ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Price - N5000 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you have any recommendations for affordable things to try in Lagos? Please let me know in the comment section.

Lots of love,

SINGLE PRINGLE

2018-05-30T09:24:00.001-07:00

When I decided to resume blogging, I promised myself not to lose sight of why I started blogging which is to be honest with the world…or just with myself at the very least. So, I decided it’s half time to talk about my journey as a single woman. I find that this is something people shy away from in Nigeria because it connotes some sort of desperation especially when coming from a woman and that really shouldn’t be the case. I’ve been single for over a year now and it’s been quite a learning experience; because prior to my "single days", I was engaged. Yes, engaged! (but that is a story for another day).

My last relationship took quite a toll on me emotionally that I swore off dating for a while. But navigating the single road was quite difficult in the early days. Honestly, I didn’t know how to be single…most of my formative years was centred around relationships that I actually hated my own company…my own solitude; but I didn’t know it at the time. All I know is that there was some comfort that came with relationships that being with myself did not provide. So I stumbled into casual relationships to feel a longing and I hurt so many people along the way. I sat down one day to re-evaluate my life as to why so many people felt hurt by my actions and quite frankly, my non-challant attitude to their feelings. It was at this point I realised that sometimes broken people break other people. I realised that I was broken on the inside and I needed healing. The type of healing that doesn’t come from new relationships, new clothes or going on vacations…the type of healing that needed me to look in the mirror and truly acknowledge my flaws while loving myself. And until I received that healing, I wasn’t going to be able to treat people the way God expects of me.

And it was tough and it took a while…a lot of crying, bad decisions, praying and sometimes chocolates. But I’ve finally gotten to a place of love and acceptance within myself. I can now say something I couldn’t say last year – I am single and happy. I am so content and happy that my parents are a bit worried. Lol. This doesn’t mean I don’t get anxiety sometimes about my ‘relational’ life – sometimes I worry about if I am ever going to be able to trust another person with my heart again and I am tempted to rush the process, but I genuinely believe in seasons. There is a time to heal…a time to break down and a time to build up ~~(Peep the Bible reference here)~~ and if we rush the process, we would end up going round in circles only to end up where we first started. Sometimes loving yourself means you accept the healing that you need in order to become a better person. Sometimes loving yourself means you are able to admit to yourself that something isn’t working and take steps to fixing it. All the time, loving yourself means being comfortable in your own skin and with your own solitude.

OUTFIT DETAILS

Reni Smith Dress || Satisfashion Couture Clutch

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven – Ecclesiastes 3:1”

Lots of love,

BLACK MAGIC

2018-05-10T08:26:00.000-07:00

This is such a crazy story and some of you might not believe it, but I know I have to share it. I have ulcers so I rarely fast (judge not please). However, I was led by the Holy Spirit to go on a 5 days fast this week so I went for it. I received sad news over the weekend and the fast was actually making me super excited again, so I thought that’s why God wanted me to fast. Let’s stop here for a second.

On Wednesday morning, I received a text message from an unknown number (07060896244). This is the content of the text message: “Adefemi, please sell this glo cards (xxxinsert recharge card numbersxxx) (#1500) to pay my daughter, Osunkemi transport, thank you, from Iyaloja”

After reading it, I sent a text message saying “Good morning ma, you sent this to a wrong number”. A few minutes later, a man called me from the same number to thank me profusely. He said he sent the text from his grandma’s phone and was so grateful I didn’t load the credit. I assured him I didn’t load the credit and that he was welcome. I felt really bad that a family was looking for #1500 so I asked him for the daughter’s account number so I could send the money to her. I was provided an account number of one ‘Joy Alfred’ and I thought it was weird because these were Yoruba people and the average Yoruba person wouldn’t name their child ‘Joy Alfred’ (no offence). However, I had promised to send the money and wasn’t going to default. After sending the money, I got another call from the same number – thanking me again. He asked where I was from, I told them ~~(i.e. my father’s village – I am a city gal).~~ He asked if I was a Christian and I answered affirmatively. I hurriedly got off the phone as it was still morning and I had a busy day ahead.

Throughout the day, the number kept calling me but it was a busy day at work. I didn’t have time to indulge in another “thank you” session. I got a text message from the number telling me that the grandma wanted to personally thank me and pray with me with COCONUT! I didn’t respond, but the coconut freaked me out as I’m not one of those people who believe in praying with a physical object. Jesus’ name usually does the trick for me. Anyways, fast forward, to around 7pm, I was home and on the phone with a friend and the number called me again. I told my friend about what happened earlier and he stated that he didn’t feel comfortable with the whole scenario and suggested I block the number. I refused because I knew I wasn’t going to pick or return their call.

So this morning, I was gisting my colleague at work ~~(my office mummy)~~ and as soon as I started with “yesterday, I got a text message about recharge cards from an unknown number…”, she screamed and said, please tell me you didn’t respond. I was like ermmm… (I was scared to share how I handled the matter because she seemed rather distressed). She then tells me that it’s juju (or ~~like oyinbos say~~ ‘black magic’). I was not bothered because the older generation are usually so paranoid and believe everything they hear or read. She dug out a voice message from a whatsapp chat and boy oh boy, did I hear the story of my life. The voice message is in Yoruba so I’m going to interpret it as best as I can. A man is sharing his story on the voice note. He had received a message from an unknown number about recharge cards and few minutes later, a phone call followed. He explained to them that they sent it to a wrong number and the message wasn’t for him. They thanked him profusely for not loading the credit and was told that the grandpa would like to speak with him and thank him personally. He obliged - the grandpa asked for his name and his village and he answered truthfully. The grandpa then proceeded to tell him something about his life which he shouldn’t have known as a stranger so the man kept on listening to him. The grandpa then asked him to perform some rituals like getting some fifty naira notes, dangote salt, break coconut in half, strip himself naked and some other shenanigans. This was followed by some incantations and the grandpa then asked him to take a bus to Ile-Ife in Osun state. He put on his clothes and was about to head out but his wife stopped him and they were at it for 30 minutes before he realised that it was juju.

Once I listened to this voice note, I realised that these guys were about to pull the same scam on me and put me under a spell. Things finally made sense as to why I was prompted to fast and pray all throughout this week. This is very different from the usual blog post, but I felt like it was so important to share a practical story of how the Holy Spirit came through for me. I hope this creates an awareness of the things the devil has been getting up to recently.

OUTFIT DETAILS

Something Labelled Dress || Missguided Heels

“For weare not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places – Ephesians 6:12”

Lots of love,

No Days Off?

2018-05-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

There was a time I use to subscribe to the “No Days Off” saying. I would work like a horse, reply emails at odd hours of the night, take my laptop home and work weekends too. One day, my body gave in – I went into work one morning and had to leave immediately to the hospital. It was time to take a much needed rest. We live in a society that promotes work non-stop because working non-stop appears productive and productivity is supposed to result to money and money makes the world go round.

From experience, I am truly productive and efficient when I am well-rested. When the funds were rolling in ~~(aka when daddy was footing the bill~~), I used to equate resting with going on holiday somewhere ~~(to the abroad).~~ Now, resting is as simple as going to bed latest by 9.30pm so I can get at least 8 hours of sleep, putting my phone on air plane mode when I’m tired, not going out every weekend, not taking on more responsibility than my mind and body can handle and literally pacing myself to accomplish set goals.

Before I got to this point, I used to suffer from serious guilt trip when I took a mental or physical break. Sometimes this guilt trip was self-inflicted and sometimes it was inflicted by third parties. There’s a particular colleague who would ask me every Monday how my weekend went and whenever I told him I rested all throughout, he would chuckle in a condescending manner while letting me know he worked through the whole weekend. At first, I used to be so bothered about it, but now I just go “sorry, can’t relate” in my most sarcastic tone. Unless you’re a lazy person, you really shouldn’t allow anyone make you feel bad about resting – Heck, even Jesus used to retreat away from the crowd to have some time to Himself, so who are you not to rest?

OUTFIT DETAILS

Zephans & Co. Dress || Mum’s vintage scarf & earrings || Fashion Nova Heels || Milky Way chocolate box used as a purse || Rings from random Lagos store.

“On the seventh day, God rested from all His work – Genesis 2:2”

Lots of love,

Why I stopped Blogging...

2018-04-25T07:42:00.002-07:00

This is perhaps the most asked question in my DMs and I never really know how to answer the question. Most times, I just ignore the message and the few times I do reply, I give a random excuse and promise to resume blogging again. Honestly, it’s because I couldn’t face the truth.

It started when I moved back to Nigeria for law school – I had tunnel vision throughout that year as my only concern was making it through law school. Then after law school, I went to Cambridge for my Masters and I tried to keep up but I got crippling news that wrecked me so I took another break. I moved back again to Nigeria and started working full-time as a lawyer and boy oh boy, the transition from being a full time student to becoming a working class woman was tough as hell. (Just to paint a picture, my monthly allowance as a student was more than my monthly salary as a first year associate). I could no longer afford the lifestyle I was used to (because my folks, bless them, believe once you get a job – no more allowance for you). It was so depressing earning so little and having to wake up super early, get stuck in traffic, queue for fuel and occasionally watch people get robbed in traffic just to get to a job you didn’t necessarily like. I didn’t have the time for blogging and quite frankly, I didn’t make the time.

All this while I was in a relationship where we both were taking turns to hurt each other but neither of us wanted to let go. I felt like I had invested my “youth” into the relationship and I wasn’t about to “give up” on him or us. The constant battle to ensure the relationship worked was another full time job (and not in a good way). Then I started a business with all the tenacity in the world. I was ready to be “Tomilola, the business woman” and when that didn’t work, I felt like a loser! Let’s not even talk about the weight gain from size 6 -10.

I felt like I was failing in other areas of my life – my career, my spirituality, my finances…my relationship. I felt like it was only a matter of time before I failed at blogging, so I gave up on it before it could give up on me. So when people asked me why I stopped blogging, I couldn’t be honest and say “I quit because I was scared of failing”. Now, that I’m writing this, it feels silly to me, but at the time, it was a real fear. I just completely blanked my blog so much so that my former domain name - tomilolaescada.com expired and I wasn’t bothered to renew it. Someone else purchased it and offered to sell it back to me for over $1000 and I was like NO MA’M!!!

So there it is – I stopped blogging simply because I chickened out and feared that I wasn’t good enough and didn’t even want to try. I’d been so spoilt with “winning” at life that I couldn’t handle little hiccups and the thought of failure. I forgot why I started blogging. I forgot that it wasn’t just about being connected with you guys, but it was about being transparent, intimate and honest about my struggles and insecurities. So here’s me starting over…being naked and hoping I won’t be judged…hoping you will join me again.

OUTFIT DETAILS

TwentySix Jacket | Zara Pants | Asos cami | Nike Trainers

“Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on – Philippians 3:13/14”

Lots of love,

Journey to The Comfort Zone

2016-11-26T11:15:00.003-08:00

I am one of those people who hates change. When I am having conversations with people, I pretend to like change, but I actually hate it. I hate to change jobs, partners, friends, church etc. Once I am comfortable somewhere, whether or not I am reaching my potential there, I love to stay there. But God doesn't feel the same way, which is why He is sometimes referred to as the "Unchangeable Changer". Recently, God forced my hand on a life plan, (I had to change a life plan), and it felt like I was being thrown in the middle of the ocean, with no life jacket, and no prior swimming lessons. And I am learning that although not all change is good, the change that is ordained from God, is a good change.

When God is taking you somewhere, He'll allow rest stops/bus stops...places where you'll camp for a little while. However, sometimes, many of us get stuck in those rest stops, refusing to move forward. God isn't about keeping you in your comfort zone. Nope, He is about making you realise that HE IS YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Not a place, not a person...your comfort zone is and should be God. God has always been in the business of taking people out of their comfort zone, to fulfill destiny. He did it to Abraham. He did it to the Isrealites at Mount Sinai. He did it to Joseph. He did it to many of His children, and best believe He's doing it now, to me and to some of you. If you are feeling like you've been thrown into the deep end and the storm is raging, don't focus on the storm, just focus on Jesus, who walks on water and clams the raging storm. That's what I am doing right now.

These pictures were taken a few months ago, while I was working at a Law firm and there was a strict dress code. I just wanted to let my hair down and not dress like a professional on my day off. So what better way to be unprofessional than to wear a mini dress and a pair of sneakers. The Practice Manager might have had a stroke if I showed up to work like this. Lol

OUTFIT DETAILS
Primark Dress || Ebay Sneakers

Don't be a stranger: Instagram || Twitter || Google+ || Facebook

"When we were at Mount Sinai, the Lord our God said to us, 'You have stayed at this mountain long enough. It is time to break camp and move on..... - Deuteronomy 1:6-7"

Lots of love,

TOMILOLA E.

Photos by Ademola A.

NO EGO! NO PRIDE!!

2016-07-10T07:12:00.003-07:00

Last night, one of my best friends called me. She had broken up with her boyfriend on numerous occasions(because she was not sure if she was ready for a relationship); and on this particular occasion, she was sure she wanted him; but he had gotten tired of her neither here nor there attitude and told her he wasn't taking her back. He informed her that she had been very selfish and the world was not her oyster. I couldn't do much to comfort her because he was right; she had been selfish; but one of the determining factor for not taking her back was his pride and ego which had been bruised on several occasions.

Her situation made me think about God and my sometimes neither here nor there attitude, dabbling into sin, running back to God. And every single time, I went back to God, He never once turned His back on me. He never said "you've done this way too many times and I cannot do this with you anymore". I realised that God has no pride or ego; which is why no matter how many times you walk away from Him. He's always ready to take you back; ~~regardless of if this last sin was worse than the other sins~~. No matter how many times you break up with God, He's always ready to take you back. That's why a Saul can become a Paul. That's why a Christian killer can become a Christian converter. The truth is God does not get tired of loving you. He's not out to get you. He's not waiting for you to mess up and counting your chances. He's rooting for you to come back to Him...to come back Home. Put simply, there is nothing you can do to make God stop loving you.

Monochrome is one of those trends that will never go out of style. I picked this old pair of trousers from my wardrobe and I paired it with a peplum top because it has a nice balance of of cinching your waste without making you look overly sexy. I didn't want to offset the monochrome look so I ensured my heels stuck to that palette.

OUTFIT DETAILS

Peplum top - Designed by me || Missguided Trousers || River Island Heels || New Look Clutch

Don't be a stranger: Instagram || Twitter || Google+ || Facebook

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord - Romans 8:38-39"

Lots of love,

Photos by Ademola A

HI DADDY!

2016-07-06T10:09:00.000-07:00

I struggled with prayer for a long time. I never really understood how people could pray for hours non stop. And so a lot of the things I prayed about in one prayer session, especially in church, were just repetitions. If you have ever been to a Nigerian church, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about - the pastor gives one prayer point and gives you 5 minutes to pray about 1 thing. (I swear I finish before everyone else). I felt this way until I meditated on Matthew 6:7, that says "when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathens do, for they think they will be heard for their many words". I realised that there are 2 important parts of prayer and none of it has to do with your words, but your heart and the person you're praying to - your daddy.

In prayer, when you stumble, remember that you're praying to your daddy. You don’t need to wow him with eloquence. Vocabulary and geography might impress people but not God. There is no panel of angelic judges with cards. “Wow, Tomilola, give yourself a high five, you came to slayyyyyyyy with that prayer, God will certainly hear you!” “Mehn, Tomi, you didn't try today; which kain prayer be that? Try again tomorrow". Prayers aren’t graded according to style. Truth is, prayers aren't graded at all. Prayer is a conversation with your father, there's no need to be perfect, you just have to be sincere.

Max Lucado wrote; Just as a happy child cannot mis-hug, the sincere heart cannot mis-pray. Heaven knows, life has enough burdens without the burden of praying correctly. If prayer depends on how I pray, I’m sunk. But if the power of prayer depends on the One who hears the prayer, and if the One who hears the prayer is my Daddy, then I have hope.

Prayer really is that simple. Resist the urge to complicate it. Don’t take pride in well-crafted prayers. Don’t apologize for incoherent prayers. No games. No cover-ups. Just be honest—honest to God. Climb into his lap. Tell him everything that is on your heart. Or tell him nothing at all. Sometimes “Hi Daddy” is all we can muster. If so, that’s enough.

I've been going to court. I've been wearing nude lipsticks to meetings. When I get the chance to be my true self, wear colour and put on my red lipstick, I take it! I like the simplicity and girly-ness of this outfit. I like the fact that I've had this outfit for three years now and it fits once again. I didn't want this outfit to be dull at all. So even my feet had to be adorned with bright pretty heels, which are oh so comfortable, I can live in them.

OUTFIT DETAILS

River Island Top || Asos Skirt || Payporte Heels || Primark Bag || Bland2Glam Bangle || Sister's bracelets || Mum's earrings

"In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart - John Bunyan"

Don't be a Stranger: Instagram || Google+ || Facebook || Twitter

Lots of love,

Pictures by Ademola A.