Earlier this week, I heard Bob Stoops speaking about achieving success and winning.  For those of you that don’t know, Stoops is the head coach of the University of Oklahoma football team. 

During his ten years at Oklahoma, he has won 109 of 123 games, the most wins by any Division 1-A school during that period.  He also led the Sooners to become the 2000 BCS National Champions.

I’m a graduate and fan of Oklahoma State University, a rival of Oklahoma, but even I have to admit that Coach Stoops’ winning record is impressive.  Obviously, Stoops knows what it takes to win and he knows how to motivate others to achieve success.  I believe we all can learn from his wisdom.

Three things Stoops said it takes to be a winner

Winning doesn’t just happen by chance.  It also isn’t just about talent.  There are plenty of talented people out there that don’t end up successful in their field.  I think Stoops hit on three things in his talk that are key to being a winner.  Here they are:

1.  Have a well-prepared plan

Football teams spend a lot of time preparing for each game.  They practice, analyze the other team, watch films, memorize plays and decide on a game plan.  But, Stoops emphasized that he asks for a lot more than that.  He stresses to his coaches that everything they do should have a thought out purpose.

He believes that the more thorough the plan, the better chance they have to win.  They plan meetings.  They plan what they want to say.  They plan how they are going to plan. 

Preparation has become almost a religion in the University of Oklahoma football program.  This is what has made them winners.  They don’t wing it.  They plan for every eventuality.

In football, as in life, you have a limited amount of time to prepare.  You can’t waste a single minute.  You have to use your time wisely.  This level of preparation and planning is what separates the shining stars from those left in the shadows.

2.  Start with great expectations

You must set the bar high to achieve great things.  A leader must cast a grand vision to lead his team to victory.  He’s got to stick his neck out and show that he believes they can win and win big!

Stoops doesn’t begin the season telling his players that they’ll play the first few games to see how things go and then decide on their goals for post-season play.  No, he starts with great expectations.  He sets the bar high and paints a crystal-clear picture for his players and coaches of where he wants them to be at the end of the season.

Coach Stoops knows that you have to start with great expectations and then even if you fall a little short, you’ve accomplished something big.

3.  Refuse to use excuses

Finally, you’ve got to reject any and all excuses for failure.  Stoops said that they are out there everywhere and often they are so tempting to accept.

It would be easy for Stoops to say, “We lost because our star running back was injured” or “We lost because of a bad call from the official.”  Often the fans and the media would buy these and let the team off the hook for not winning, but where would that leave them?  As losers, that’s where.

Stoops stressed that in football and everything else in life, if you want to be a winner, then you have to work through the hard times.  You’ve got to put your nose to the grindstone and press your way to the other side.  It takes hard work and perseverance to be a winner.

Once you start using excuses to cover up your mistakes and rationalize away your failures, you have started down a slippery slope leading only to Loserville!

Follow Stoops advice and be a winner in life!

I was very impressed with what Coach Stoops had to say.  These three things really stuck with me.  I believe they are a big part of what has helped the University of Oklahoma win so many football games.  But, more importantly, I think we can follow his advice to become winners ourselves!

What part of Stoops’ winning strategy can you use most in your life?

 Photo by Billy A

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What was your attitude this morning as you got out of bed about the day that lay before you?  Were you expectant or were you dreading something? 

Life can either be a chore or an adventure.  It is really up to us.  We choose how we view our days.

Danger lurks all around us, but one of the sneakiest and deadliest menaces we face is this tendency to start a day dreading it.

How your mind will rob you of all the adventure in life if you let it

It is so incredibly easy to slip into thinking negatively about a day, event or activity.  It might be because it is going to be too hot or too cold or too far to travel or with the wrong people or because you have to be away from home or it’s out of your comfort zone or whatever.

A negative thought creeps in and suddenly, before you know it, you are dreading the day.  Your expectations for the period are totally twisted and knotted to the point that you become completely apprehensive about the whole thing.

It could be a day at work, a meeting, a trip or even something that is supposed to be fun like a date, a vacation or a holiday.  We have an amazing ability to psych ourselves out over the most trivial of details.

This negative thinking and dread is the mass murderer of all the fun and adventure in our life.  It silently and efficiently destroys our enjoyment leaving us bound up in fear, boredom and isolation.  It is truly a cancer of the mind!

My personal experience dealing with this cancer of the mind

I’ve made the mistake of dreading way too many of my days.  I’m not a complete sourpuss, but at times I have fallen into a rut of viewing a lot of things, things that could be seen in a positive light, with dread.

For example, I remember back when I was in the Air Force.  I was part of a flight crew that got deployed to various parts of the world.  I often dreaded these trips because they took me away from my home and loved ones for extended periods of time.

Obviously, being away was less than optimal, but at the same time I got to travel to places that many people never get to see.  I got to experience cultures and happenings that broadened my view of the world.  As a result, I know things many others do not.

However, the dread often overshadowed the opportunity in these trips.  It hung as a dark cloud over me for days before and even during these trips.  It robbed me of some of the enjoyment and adventure that I could have experienced if I wouldn’t have focused so intensely on the negative.

I’m not saying that being away shouldn’t have bothered me, but I should have controlled it instead of letting it control me.

There are also simpler examples in my day-to-day life.  For instance, on occasion, my wife suggests we do something like go to the zoo with the kids or take a day trip somewhere.  I have to admit that my first thought is sometimes a negative one.  I think it will be too much walking or too much time in the car or that I’d rather just stay home and relax.

If I let these thoughts run wild, then they can blossom into full-blown dread.  Fortunately, I am learning to squelch these thoughts quickly.

How to overcome dread and embrace the adventure in life

Dread can arise in our work or personal life.  It will derail you from living life to the fullest.  It is truly a cancer that kills your adventure and enjoyment. 

Here’s how I have started combating it:

1.  Consciously examine your thoughts and attitudes

I have really become aware lately of the little ways that I start developing a negative attitude toward something.  I’ve been listening closely to my speech and my thoughts and I’m amazed at how often subtle forms of negativity have crept into my life.  This conscious awareness is the starting point for defeating dread.  Recognizing what you are up against is often the first step in beating it.

2.  Halt the negative thinking as soon as you recognize it

Whenever you realize that you are starting down a path toward dread, then stop immediately.  Squelch the negative thoughts!  Shake them off!  Sometimes I actually physically shake my head (when I’m alone) to get the negative thoughts out of my mind.  Another technique I use to overcome negative thinking is distraction.  I divert my mind by reading a positive book or engaging in an absorbing hobby.  The point is that you have to immediately stop yourself from continuing down the path to dread.

3.  Replace negative thoughts with positive ones

I make a list of the positive benefits I’ll gain from what I’m beginning to dread.  You can do this in your mind, orally with another person or on paper.  For me, it depends on the situation.  If I’m alone, then I often just do this mentally.  If I’m with someone else like my wife, then I’ll start discussing with her the good things that could result from the activity.  If it is something that will occur further out in the future, then I often write down my positive thoughts so I can refer back to them often.  Emphasizing positive outcomes in your mind is a powerful antidote.

4.  Accept and be open to new experiences

We often control all the adventure right out of our lives.  We over plan and over analyze to the point that we drain the fun out of most things.  As I start thinking more positively about a situation, I automatically relax and feel more open to the new experience it brings.  This openness leaves room for adventure.  It makes serendipity or unexpected fortunate discoveries possible!  It is truly the path to a full and fun life!

A ship in harbor is safe — but that is not what ships are built for.
~ John A. Shedd

These simple steps are all it takes to welcome adventure!

These are truly basic, simple steps that anyone can take.  Some might write them off as being too simplistic, but I’ve been using them myself and I can tell you that they work.  A positive, expectant attitude is such a better way to live!  It opens doors for new adventures and experiences.  It frees you from fear and worry.  And it will take you places that you would have never gone otherwise!

Have you let dread get the better of you?  How will you combat it?

Photo by pjf@cpan

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My mother always chided me to be nice.  Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t.  After all, we all get grumpy from time-to-time and take it out on those around us.

We can see that being nice to others is good for them, but did you know it is in your best interest too?  Recognizing the personal benefits of being nice might motivate us to do it a little more often like when that person cuts us off in traffic. 

What does it mean to be nice?

Niceness is rather vague.  What exactly does it mean to be nice? 

Well, in my mind, it means being kind, generous, agreeable, pleasant, respectable, friendly, forgiving and tactful.  It means going out of your way to treat others in the way that you want to be treated.

The best portion of a good man’s life - his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love. 
~William Wordsworth

Being nice when you get cut off in traffic, means that instead of assuming the driver is an insane jerk and giving them the bird, you give them the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe they didn’t see you or maybe they were late for a very important meeting or maybe they just made a mistake. 

Why not just smile and let it go?  It is good for you to be nice in these situations.

Being nice also means doing kind acts.  It means volunteering, donating and pitching in to make your home, neighborhood and community a better place. 

It means offering yourself to a cause that you believe to be worthwhile.  This might be something big like saving the environment or little like helping your spouse carry in the groceries.

Nice is such a small word, but it has big implications.  It takes a little time and effort, but it is all so incredibly worth it.

How being nice is good for you, let me count the ways

First, let me say, that I don’t mean to turn being nice into something selfish.  We should certainly strive to be nice for altruistic reasons alone, but knowing the personal benefits might motivate us to be nice a little more often.  That’s my intention here.

Here are ten ways that being nice is good for you:

1.  Being nice leads people to like you

It is much easier to like someone that is nice.  We all want friends that are kind, giving and considerate.  We want and need people in our lives that support us and that will be there for us when we need them.  The old saying, “Be a friend to have a friend” really holds true and research shows that those with a greater social network are often happier, healthier and more productive!

2.  Kindness promotes confidence and optimism

Doing kind acts and being nice builds one’s confidence and optimism.  It just makes us feel good about ourselves when we do things for others.  Giving of ourselves to others builds up our positive self-image.  It also gives us a sense of hope.  We feel more powerful and in control when we make a positive difference in the life of another.

3.  Niceness makes you feel good about yourself

Haven’t you heard that it is better to give than to receive?!?  In fact, studies have shown that the giver usually has a bigger boost in positive emotions than the receiver!  Being kind and nice really is good for you.  It gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling all over.  Of course, these positive feelings carry over into all areas of your life causing a general improvement in well-being.  This translates into feeling good about yourself.  What a bonus!

4.  People will reciprocate in your time of need

From time-to-time, we all face challenges, disappointments and losses in our lives.  When you’ve been nice to others during their struggles, it is more likely they will return the favor during your time of need.  This is just human nature.  Most of us feel really motivated to help those that have helped us.  Stephen Covey described this as the emotional bank account.

5.  Doing good deeds adds meaning and significance to your life

When you donate money to further a good cause or volunteer your time to help build a house for an underprivileged family or go visit a friend in the hospital, your life suddenly becomes much more meaningful and significant.  You are making this world a slightly better place with your acts of kindness.  This is valuable and it makes us feel important which is something we all want.

6.  Being a volunteer can help you discover hidden talents

Volunteering is a great way to be nice.  It can also help you to uncover talents you didn’t know you had.  They say that necessity is the mother of invention.  Well, when you put yourself in a position to see the needs of others, you might rise to the occasion and discover capabilities that you never knew you had.  This can be fun and exciting!

7.  Being a do-gooder relieves stress and guilt

Being nice and doing good deeds is a less stressful way to live.  It creates less conflict and avoids feelings of guilt over bad behavior.  In addition, the act of doing something nice for another generates those great feelings that seem to trump all that stress that we build up from daily living.

8.  Helping others will make you feel thankful and advantaged

When we engage in assisting others in their time of need, we often walk away feeling better about our situation.  We naturally compare our lives to those that we are helping.  This comparison can leave you feeling more grateful for the life you have.  You’ll be able to see just how advantaged you are!

9.  Being nice fosters a greater sense of family and community

Your niceness will lead you to meet all kinds of people and get involved in a plethora of worthwhile activities.  This builds a greater sense of togetherness.  Even within your own family unit, you can foster an increased sense of connectedness and fondness toward one another by being extra thoughtful.  Being nice has a powerful effect!

10.  Engaging in generous acts distracts you from your own troubles

Doing nice things for others can serve as a useful distraction from the the challenges you face.  If you are trying to quit a bad habit, then generously engage yourself in helping others to keep your mind off of smoking or eating or biting your nails.  This is an excellent strategy that profits you and others!

Go be nice and you’ll experience many positive benefits!

As you can see from the list above, being nice has many benefits.  Wouldn’t the world be such a better place if we were all just a little nicer today?  We would all feel so much better about one another and ourselves too!  I challenge you to increase your effort at being nice and see for yourself what it does for your attitude and happiness.

What other benefits are there to being nice?

Photo by bayRange

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I’m looking for people willing to share their personal experience selling digital photographs online.  This is something that interests me, but I’ve never done it.  I’d like to hear from some real people about how to get started and what to expect.

Photography has always interested me.  I got involved back in high school as a yearbook photographer.  We shot, developed and printed all our own black and white pictures.  I particularly enjoyed shooting the photos.

I’ve just recently purchased a Nikon D40 Digital SLR Camera and it has been fun getting back into taking pictures again.  However, the entrepreneurial side of me wonders if I could use my rediscovered hobby to generate another stream of income.

My questions about selling digital photographs online

Have you tried selling your digital photographs online?  How did it go?  I’m trying to decide if this is something I want to pursue and it would be immensely helpful to know in advance what I’m getting myself into and exactly how to go about it.

Here are some of my questions about selling digital photographs online:

• Is selling photography on sites like Fotolia the best way to make extra money?
• How much effort is required to make $100-$200 a month?
• Is this market totally flooded to the point where it is difficult to make anything?
• What sites are best for selling photographs?
• How many photos do I need to upload before I can expect to make something?
• How difficult is it to get your photos accepted?
• Are there some particularly helpful sites for learning more?

I’ve been doing a little research and I’ve ran across some helpful information, but again I’m looking for real people willing to share their experience.  This is not something that I can spend whole days doing.  After all, I’ve got a day job.  I want to know if selling photos is something I can do on the side just to generate a little extra income for my sunny day fund.

Some of what I’ve learned so far about selling digital photographs

Selling pictures as stock photography doesn’t seem too difficult and there are a plethora of great sites for it, but I’m definitely concerned that it might not generate enough money to make it worth anything.

I ran across this Microstock Earnings Report for May 2009 and it makes me wonder if a guy like me that is already working full-time, raising a family and blogging on the side has a chance of making enough to bother.  My expectations aren’t that high, but after some time and effort I would like to be making at least $100 to $200 a month.  Is this realistic?

I know about model releases and avoiding photos that include trademarks or copyrighted material, but are there other things I need to know about what to photograph?  Is it possible to make money with photographs of nature, landscapes and common objects?

What kind of equipment do I need?  Obviously, I knew a good digital SLR camera would be helpful, but what else will I need?  I’d like to get up and generating a few dollars without investing a great deal more money up front.  I did get a 55-200mm zoom lens with my Nikon D40, but other than that I don’t have a lot of extra equipment.

What is your best advice for selling digital photographs online?

I’m really looking forward to hearing your suggestions.  I haven’t decided 100% to do this, but it is something that interests me keenly.  I hope you’ll take a few minutes and share your experience or thoughts with me.  I’m sure it will go a long way toward helping a newbie get his footing!

Photo by Chris. M.C.

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We believe a lot of erroneous things about happiness.  These happiness myths cost us a great deal in terms of enjoyment and fulfillment in life.  They send us off on wild goose chases seeking a better life in all the wrong places.

Fortunately, as with most myths, once they’ve been debunked, they lose their power over our lives.  Furthermore, once we are exposed to the truth, we can embrace new beliefs about happiness and experience all that we’ve been missing.

Five common happiness myths debunked!

I have compiled what I believe are five very common falsehoods we often believe about happiness.  I hope that by exposing these I can help you debunk the way these myths rob you of happiness in your day-to-day life.

By the way, I have bought into all of these at one time or another in my life so I know firsthand how they destroy our happiness.

Myth #1 - You are either happy or you’re not and that’s that.

Some believe that you are either born happy or you’re not and while it is true that as much as 50% of our happiness level is determined by our set point, research reveals that ample opportunity exists for us to affect our happiness through some effort.  It is important that we take personal responsibility for our own happiness and educate ourselves on ways to make ourselves happier.  Increasing happiness is possible and it’s not that hard.

Myth #2 - Happiness is a feeling that mysteriously comes and goes

Happiness can sway with our emotions, but again we have a significant level of influence in this process if we choose to exercise it.  Our happiness level really isn’t as mysterious as it may seem.  Scientists have compiled ample research to show that by engaging in intentional happiness activities, we can lastingly elevate our happiness level.

Myth #3 - Happiness should be effortless

Sustained happiness requires conscious effort.  Real happiness is not just a result of designing our lives with all the right circumstances either.  In fact, researchers have discovered that our circumstances, whether we are rich or poor, married or single, healthy or unhealthy, only determines a small portion of our happiness level.  Those that experience happiness without effort just have a higher genetic set point.  The rest of us need to exert effort to experience greater happiness.

Myth #4 - I’d be happy if I was rich and didn’t have to work

The way you perceive your life has a lot more to do with your happiness than your actual circumstances.  We all know or have heard of rich people that seem exceedingly unhappy (e.g. Paris Hilton, Britney Spears).  We also are aware of poor folks that seem incredibly happy (e.g. Mother Teresa).  Exercising gratitude for what you have instead of focusing on the negative side of your circumstances can greatly influence your sense of well-being.

Myth #5 - I’d be happy if all these people weren’t irritating me

It is easy to blame other people for our lack of happiness.  However, the truth is that most of our happiness lies in our attitude and reaction to what people do around us.  If you teach yourself to think differently about these situations, you will stop giving up the power to be happy.  Happiness is a choice that we make daily.

Expose the lies and set yourself free to be happy!

Living life to the fullest requires us to acknowledge many miss held beliefs.  We have to debunk the myths and find the truth to discover the freedom to be happy. 

Letting go of these myths isn’t always easy.  In some cases, we’ve been conditioned over many years by our families, society and the popular media to believe these are true.  It takes work to turn your thinking around, but I’m finding that it is definitely worth it.

I’ve been working hard lately to overcome these myths and it is paying off!  I hope you too are able to see these for the lies that they are and start to experience more happiness every day!

Which of these myths are you most prone to believing?

Photo by billaday

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I am constantly looking for ways to better my life.  I saw a quote on Twitter yesterday that said, “If you’re not living for something, then you’re dying for nothing.”  I want to live for something!  I want to make things happen instead of just letting them happen to me.  Therefore, I’m always on a quest for how to better myself.

Today, I want to offer you three quick, but potent, pieces of wisdom that I ran across this week in my journey.  I hope you’ll take a few minutes to digest these and ponder how they can help you get ahead in your life.  Remember, you have the power to choose how your life turns out!

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.”
~ Jimmy Dean

1.  Learn to consciously control your emotions and reactions

Sometimes things don’t go our way.  Sometimes people say or do things that offend us.  Sometimes we make it worse with our reactions.  How do you usually respond?  If you can learn to step back from these situations and analyze them without letting your emotions fly out of control, you will rise above many and be able to move ahead in your life.  It takes a lot of self-discipline and maturity to do this.  I’m not very good at it, but I’m going to work on it.

I highly encourage you to read Someone just threw a shoe at you to learn more.

2.  Put your ego aside and accept it isn’t all about you

Not everything in life is about us!  The “it’s all about me” attitude leads us to take way to many things personally.  We get wrapped around the axle about the most minor issues, because we let our egos tell us that it was all about us.  In addition, we let our egos lead us to believe we know best in situations where we should just “butt out”.  It isn’t easy to lay your ego aside, but it can certainly help you to get ahead in life.

You might want to ask yourself, when it comes to Personal Development – Is Your Ego Getting In the Way?

3.  Be flexible in the way you pursue what you want

Are your goals too rigid?  We can often develop tunnel vision and fail to see new ways to get what we want out of life.  Ask yourself, “What is it that I really want?”  Sometimes there is more than one way to achieve the desired outcome.  Being too rigid can also rob you of all the joy in the pursuit of your goal.  It’s not just the destination that counts, it is also the journey.  Are you enjoying the journey?  If not, then maybe you are being too rigid!

Learning to Hold Your Goals Loosely will help you to overcome obstacles and get ahead in your life!

“Choice, not chance, determines your destiny.”
~Aristotle

I hope you find these tips as valuable as I did.  They are extremely powerful!  I honestly believe that we can make a huge positive difference in our lives if we’ll just make the right choices.  Will you choose to follow these great tidbits of wisdom to get ahead?

Photo by  Lady AnnDerground

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Researchers have determined that up to 50% of our happiness level is genetic.  That is, we have a happiness set point or baseline that originated from one or both of our biological parents.  Half of your happiness level is preset!

Does this mean that if you had unhappy parents that you are doomed to a sad life?  Not in the least!  It just means that you might have to be more intentional about making yourself happier.  It is similar to the way that some people have to work a little harder to keep the weight off while others eat all they want and still remain skinny.

Why is our set point important and how do we know it exists?

If you’ve been following along the last few days, then the chart below will look familiar.  It depicts what scientists and researchers have determined to be the factors that affect our happiness.  Notice that our set point is the largest section of the pie!

Anything factor that determines 50% of our overall happiness level needs to be understood if we want to live a happier life.

I’ve already written about how we are usually off base in knowing what truly makes us lastingly happy and a little about intentional happiness activities that help make us happier.  Today, we’ll explore how the happiness set point.

As I stated above, we inherit our baseline level of happiness from our biological parents.  How do researchers know this?  Well, most of the evidence comes from studies conducted with identical and fraternal twins.  I’ll let you check out the details in The How of Happiness- A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want which is the inspiration for these articles.  Suffice it to say, that scientists have gone to great lengths to verify the existence of the set point.

How does our set point affect our overall happiness?

The most important things to know about the set point is that it appears that we cannot change it and we tend to naturally gravitate back to it.  So, whether you experience circumstances that either boost or deflate your happiness, you will over time return to your average happiness level if everything else remains constant.

But just because your happiness set point cannot be changed doesn’t mean that your happiness level cannot be changed.
~ The How of Happiness

This is a critical point to understand.  The set point is just our natural happiness equilibrium point.  It is our genetic tendency, but it can be influenced.  It only accounts for 50% of our happiness level.  Yes, it is half, but we can dramatically affect our happiness through intentional activities as I discussed yesterday.

You can trump nature on this matter if you so choose.  It just takes consciously applied effort to boost and maintain your happiness above your set point.

What does this mean for me and my happiness?

First, understanding the set point should help you to understand your own behavior a little better.  You can determine your set point by periodically checking your happiness level using the Subjective Happiness Scale.  Your set point is sort of an average of multiple tests.  The average is around five.

I believe I tend to have a slightly below average happiness set point.  This helps me to understand why my moods seem to dip from time-to-time.  Knowing this relieves me of some of the guilt about it.  It also helps me to know that I need to recognize when these dips occur and intentionally do something about it. 

Knowing your set point will tell you how much effort you need to exert to feel happier.  If you already have a high set point, then you might not feel it is necessary to do anything to become happier.  However, if you have a lower set point, then you can start concentrating on the 40% of the pie where intentional happiness activities can make a huge difference!

Does the idea of a happiness set point make sense to you?  Where do you think your set point lies?

Photo by rolands.lakis

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We all want to be happy.  We want to feel good about ourselves and our lives.  However, even though we have the power to attain happiness, we usually go about it in the wrong way.  We pursue the wrong things.

In general, most of us have been conditioned to believe that positive events such as job promotions, financial windfalls, romantic getaways or a new car will increase our happiness.  However, science has shown that we are off base and many of our experiences confirm this.

I explained yesterday that a lot of us have a 40% hole in our lives because we pursue happiness in all the wrong places.  Today, I’m going discuss some of the intentional activities that will truly make us lastingly happy.

How would you rate your happiness?

You would think that happiness is hard to gauge.  After all, there is no happiness meter that can tell us just how happy or unhappy we are.  Fortunately, Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist and author of The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want has developed a Subjective Happiness Scale.

This measure of happiness is surprisingly simple.  However, Lyubomirsky, from much testing and research, has concluded that this four-item test is quite valuable.  You can score your happiness level online with the Subjective Happiness Scale.

The scale can measure how your efforts at becoming happier are working.  I really like the scientific way that Lyubomirsky approaches the subject of happiness.  It is one thing to claim certain activities will make us happy.  It is another to actually measure it.

Want to find the intentional happiness activities that fit you?

Once you know your current happiness score, then you can determine which intentional activities will fit with your interests, your values and your needs to make you happier.  Lyubomirsky emphasizes that finding the right happiness activities for you is essential because one of the keys to making yourself lastingly happy is to incorporate the intentional activities into your daily life.

You are much more likely to stick with things that feel natural to you and that fit with your lifestyle.  What’s nice is that Lyubomirsky has adapted a test from Ken Sheldon called the Person-Activity Fit Diagnostic to help us determine exactly which intentional happiness activities will work best for us.

In the book, Lyubomirsky elaborates on twelve intentional activities that studies have scientifically and conclusively shown elevate happiness.  The Fit Diagnostic will help you zero in on the four that are likely to be your best choices.

I used the diagnostic and here are the activities that fit me the best:

1.  Cultivating Optimism

Optimistic thoughts are often self-fulfilling.  When we feel more optimistic about the future, we pursue our goals with more vigor.  This becomes an upward spiral of positive experiences building upon itself and lifting us to greater lasting happiness.

How do we cultivate optimism in our minds?  Well, Lyubomirsky and other researchers have found that an exercise called “the best possible selves diary” that works very potently.  In one of her experiments, participants were told:

“You have been randomly assigned to think about your best possible self now and during the next few weeks.  ‘Think about your best possible self’ means that you imagine yourself in the future, after everything has gone as well as it possibly could.  You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all your life goals.  Think of this as the realization of your life dreams, and of your own best potentials.” ~ The How of Happiness

To get the most happiness boost out of this activity, it is important to approach it as a writing exercise.  Writing forces you to organize and analyze your thoughts making them coherent.  I have found many benefits from using this exercise.

2.  Increasing Flow Experiences

What is flow?  It is that state of activity where you are totally absorbed and become oblivious to everything else going on around you.  The key to creating flow is to find a balance between skills and challenges.  If the task is too easy, you become bored.  If it is too hard, you become frustrated.  Flow occurs when you are stretched, but not too far.

Flow is beneficial because it is intrinsically pleasurable and fulfilling to us.  How do we increase flow experiences?  Well, one of the best ways is to simply identify and engage more often in those activities at work, home and elsewhere that absorb our attention completely.

Every individual is unique in regard to what activities create a flow experience for them.  For me, I often reach a state of flow while reading great books or while writing this blog.  In fact, I can honestly say that I’ve been in a state of flow for the last several minutes while writing this article.  In addition, I also experience flow when I’m active in great outdoor adventures.

3.  Savoring Life’s Joys

Savoring the positive experiences in one’s life is very crucial to lasting happiness.  You can savor life in many ways including by:

• Reminiscing alone or with others
• Prolonging enjoyable activities for as long as possible
• Finding ways to intensify pleasurable experiences
• Celebrating good news
• Being mindful of the present moment
• Observing and luxuriating in natural beauty
• Recording positive experiences for relishing memories
• Seeking bittersweet experiences to enhance the positive side of life

A key to savoring life is to do it even in the common moments.  You have to teach yourself to recognize what is special about everyday experiences.  Live a little slower.  Drink in what you typically pass by.  Reflect, relish and daydream to engage your mind in savoring your past, present and future!

4.  Committing to Your Goals

Pursuing goals adds significance and purpose to our lives.  Without them, we are wandering aimlessly.  Achieving a goal boosts our self-confidence and gives us a sense of control over our lives.  Committing to goals also often forces us to engage with other people which induces happy feelings on its own.

Lyubomirsky offers several very good measures to help guide us in our goal selection.   I’ll admit that I’ve slacked off lately from keeping written goals.  This is something I plan to pick up again and I feel confident that when I do, it will increase my happiness.

A couple of words of caution about intentional happiness activities

It is worth reiterating that these four happiness activities are just a few of the twelve offered in The How of Happiness.  These are the four that the Person-Activity Fit Diagnostic suggested for me.  These may or may not work for you.  I highly encourage you to go through the diagnostic to determine what fits you best.

Also, you may think these activities seem a little trite and corny.  You may feel that they are a bit too simplistic or naive.  Well, there is a lot of science that backs this stuff up.  Lyubomirsky provides numerous references to corroborate her claims that you can check out for yourself.  Also, isn’t this maybe one of the reasons that these activities get overlooked so often?  Don’t we often dismiss the obvious when in fact it is the solution?

What do you think of the idea of intentional happiness activities?  Will you give it a try?

There is more to come about the science of happiness so be sure to subscribe for free so you won’t miss a single article!

Photo by romainguy

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Many of us are just spinning our wheels in the way we pursue life.  We want to be happy and we continually try to get what we want, but life just seems to always leave us feeling a little empty.

The good news is that there is a scientific approach to solving this dilemma!  If we apply these proven principles, we can actually experience more of what we want out of life.

What would make you happier?

Take a look at the list below and think about what you want out of life.  Would you rather:

• Win the lottery and become wealthy?
• Land the job of your dreams?
• Find and marry the perfect person?
• Have two adorable children?
• Own a bigger, more luxurious home?
• Have a more flexible work schedule?
• Live a healthier lifestyle?
• Get an extreme makeover?
• Be cured of a chronic illness or disability?

I imagine that most of us have desired one or more of the things on this list.  I sure have and it certainly isn’t wrong to want these things, but science tells us that none of them will make us substantially happier.  Surprised?

Research has shown that what we often believe we want from life really has very little to do with making us happier.  These things might give us a little boost, but they don’t lead to a true lasting sense that we are getting what we want out of life.

Do you ever feel like there just has to be more to life?

If you’ve ever felt that there just has to be more to life, then keep reading because I believe this information will help you.  It has certainly helped me get my head straight.

Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California has spent her career studying well-being and what truly makes us happy.  I recently read her book titled The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want.

It was fantastic!  I generally shy away from books written by a psychologists or anyone with the letters Ph.D. after their name, but I’m glad I made an exception this time.

Lyubomirsky and other researchers have discovered the factors that determine our happiness.  They concluded that about 50% of our well-being is determined by an inherited happiness set-point and that about 10% is a result of our circumstances as shown in the chart below.  The remaining 40% is within our power to control through intentional happiness activities.

Perhaps the most counterintuitive finding is that as the chart shows, only about 10% of the variance in our happiness levels is explained by differences in life circumstances or situations - that is, whether we are rich or poor, healthy or unhealthy, beautiful or plain, married or divorced, etc.  ~ Sonja Lyubomirsky in The How of Happiness

As you can see, we generally concentrate most of our effort in life on only 10% of the happiness pie!  Most of us, dwell on our circumstances.  We try to find happiness and significance in where we live, the quality of our relationships, our looks, our job and our financial condition

This is why there is a gap between what we want in life versus what we experience!  We are often ignoring 40% of what we could do to get the most out of life.  This leaves an incredible hole that we are trying to fill in all the wrong ways!

I don’t know how you feel about this information, but as someone that is interested in living life to it fullest, I found this to be a huge breakthrough!

Do you have a 40% hole in your life?

Please realize what I’m saying, we are like hamsters running on a spinning wheel!  We work harder, spend more and change everything (including spouses) in an attempt to fill that hole in our lives that never seems to be satisfied.  The only problem is we are doing all the wrong things!

All our effort goes toward changing our circumstances which only accounts for about 10% of our happiness!

What if we redirected our energy to doing the things scientists put in the 40% slice of the pie?  What if we engaged in the intentional happiness activities that real science shows leads to a lasting sense of well-being? 

I suggest that the hole or gap would be filled!  We could find true contentment and get more out of life in every way!  This is the breakthrough!

Why should we want to be happier?

Happiness is about more than just feeling good.  Science has discovered and Lyuromirsky points out in her book that happier people when compared to their less happy peers:

• Are more sociable, more charitable and more cooperative and better liked
• Are more likely to get and stay married and have more friends
• Show more flexibility and ingenuity and are generally more productive in their jobs
• Are better leaders and negotiators and earn more money
• Prove to be more resilient in the face of hardship
• Have stronger immune systems, are physically healthier and live longer

This is a very impressive list of benefits and it fits exactly with what I call super-charged living or living life to the absolute fullest!  Even if you feel completely satisfied with your life, this list should prompt you to wonder if you could be even happier!

What are the intentional happiness activities?

What kinds of intentional activities can we engage in to make ourselves happier?  Well, stay tuned because I’m going to write more about that over the coming days, but I promise that they are not difficult, weird or revolutionary in anyway.  The intentional happiness activities are simple, practical and common enough that anyone can do them.

It does take a little work to become happier, but the pay off is well worth it!  If you haven’t already, please be sure to subscribe via email or RSS so you won’t miss a single article in this series!

Do you want to be happier?  Are you looking forward to learning more?

Photo by Joseph Gray

Related Articles You Might Enjoy:

• - The Science of Happiness: Your Happiness Set Point
• - The Science of Happiness: Intentional Activities To Be Happier
• - 10 Ways Being Nice Is Good For You
• - Five Happiness Myths That Leave Us Feeling Unfulfilled
• - The Personal Finance and Better Life Mash-Up
• - How We Judge Success Determines Our Happiness
• - Living Life To The Fullest On A Fine Fall Evening
• - 3 Quick And Easy Steps Into A Self-Improvement Sinkhole.

Recognition, raises and promotions are highly overrated.  People that get these things are suck-ups and have sold their soul to the man.  They seem happy, but I bet deep down inside they are miserable creatures that loathe all the attention they get at work.

What’s more, none of us wants to be married to our jobs anyway.  Is having a steady job really all that important?!?  Jobs are a dime a dozen.  Sometimes you just don’t fit it and besides I can draw unemployment for a nice long time right now.  Who needs a job?  Who wants to be a workaholic?

The more you work, the more they ask you to do.  It’s a never ending rat race.  That’s why I’ve developed some tactics for remaining invisible and slacking off at work.  These help me to fly under the radar while still drawing a paycheck at least for awhile.  Hopefully, they can help you do the same!

1.  Who said that “being late” is a bad thing?

Women have given “being late” a bad rap.  You can shave a little time off your workday by slipping in once everyone else is at their desk.  Being five minutes late is an ideal tactic because only the worst tyrant of a boss would get upset over 5 measly minutes.  Yet, when you combine this tactic with the others I’m about to mention, you can really avoid a lot of work.

2.  Break rooms are the oasis in the desert.

After you mosey in at 8:05, get your coffee cup and head immediately to the break room.  Your goal is to spend the entire morning here, but you might have to work up to this.  There is really an art form to it.  Here’s an example morning to help you get started:

• 8:10 - Start out by washing your coffee cup.  Take your time and get it really clean.
• 8:20 - Wash any other dishes in the sink while you are at it.  Get some out of the cabinet if you need to.
• 8:30 - This should by enough time for someone else to come in.  Strike up a conversation and try to keep it going for as long as possible.
• 9:00 - Try to engage as many people as possible in the conversation as they come to get coffee refills.  You might even consider buying donuts to lure people to the break room, if necessary.
• 9:30 - Once this breaks up, make yourself some breakfast and sit down to eat it.
• 10:00 - Now, it is mid-morning and more co-workers will probably filter in for breaks which allows you to strike up a whole other round of conversation.
• 10:30 - After this round of talks, wash your breakfast dishes.  Again, be sure to stretch this out as long as possible.
• 11:00 - By this time of the morning, you should be able to see that the break room needs a little attention.  Stock the cups, creamer, sugar and other condiments.
• 11:30 - Hopefully, you have successfully filled the time and now the early lunch bunch will start showing up.  I think you can figure out what to do from here!

3.  Stretch out your golden hour of opportunity wisely.

Stretching the length of your lunch break out as far as you possibly can is an opportunity hard to resist.  You want to eke out every minute that you can.  If you get caught, simply use an excuse like traffic was terrible or the restaurant was really slow today.  These are likely to get you off if you don’t use them too frequently.  Wise use of this tactic will buy you 10 to 15 minutes daily!

4.  Fire up the afterburners to keep from burning out.

I know cigarettes are bad for your health, but they are indispensable when it comes to slacking off.  Most employers still offer employees a place to smoke (usually outside) and time to partake of their habit.  The fact that smoking areas are outside is an added bonus because it takes a few extra minutes to get in and out of the building!

5.  Look out!  The boss is headed your way.

Practice this mantra, “That is not my job!”  Repeat it over and over in your head to be sure you are ready when your employer comes and asks you to do those little extra things that some would say are opportunities, but that we know are just sneaky attempts to throw more work our way.  We won’t be duped into getting a bunch of extra crap thrown in our laps!

6.  Makin’ copies is sweet as molasses.

Haven’t you heard?  The copier is the new water cooler.  That’s right.  Go hang out at the copier.  Take a big stack of paper with you and act like you have to make tons of copies.  You can collate, staple and stack them to make it look real.  In the mean time, you’ll have plenty of coworkers walk up needing copies.  This gives you the chance to act polite by letting them cut in on you wasting even more of your time!  Of course, be ready with plenty of questions about their kids, hobbies and the latest gossip!

7.  Drop-ins are always welcome.

When you get stuck and don’t know what else to do, go cruise the halls.  You can always find someone to drop-in on at their office or cubicle.  Chat it up!  You know those folks that love to talk so go find them.  Don’t let another minute pass without learning about their long lost relatives or their latest trip to the doctor.  These stories are priceless for burning minutes off the clock!

8.  For God’s sake, never waste a sick day!!!

Hopefully, this one goes without mentioning, but I don’t want to take any chances.  You might be a recovering workaholic.  Be sure you know exactly how to manipulate the company’s policies concerning sick days to your full advantage.  If you have kids, they are like having a “get out of jail free” card!  Most employers let you take a sick day if you have a “sick” child.  What a bonus!

9.  Takin’ care of business

Don’t fret!  I’m not talking about company business.  Did you think I had lost my mind?!?  No, I am referring to your personal business.  Pay your bills, balance your checkbook or shop for gifts online!  All of these are excellent ways to make the time pass without ever really accomplishing anything.  Plus, this frees up your time at home to play games on your Wii!

10.  Committees are the greatest invention since sliced bread!

Get yourself on a committee.  Everyone knows that committees never accomplish anything.  You can set in endless meetings without ever having to do any real work.  This is a last ditch effort due to the boredom involved, but it is still worth considering.  I recommend getting yourself some wireless earbuds so you can listen to your iPod during the meetings.  How brilliant is that?

WARNING - Not everyone will get the results desired!

Okay, hopefully it is obvious that I’m being facetious here.  I’ve blown up several bad habits larger than life to be a little funny (hopefully!) and to make a point.  These things and many others can waste a ton of your time on the job.  They can also cost you the recognition, raises and promotions you deserve.  Are any of these things standing in your way?  If so, it might be time to change your habits!

What did I miss?  What are other ways people waste time on the job?

Photo by LetTheCardsFall

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