My Super First Day

What do I do with all these chickens?

2009-08-08T10:06:03-04:00

By Mike Cox I'm keeping the chickens I make Not for them, but for my own sake Read the rest!

Broken Yolk

2009-08-03T19:06:20-04:00

By Mike Cox My name is Deci-eggs-imate, One that people are starting to hate. On a touch one in ten, Are turned into hens, A sad and statistical fate.

Biscuit Levitation

2009-08-03T18:59:10-04:00

OK, this wasn't created specifically for My Super First Day, but it's too brilliant to not post: Thanks to @MikeyJ for the link!

Sparky

2009-08-03T15:36:52-04:00

By Hillary Monahan Sometimes people say something smells like shit and what they really mean is "it's musty" or "there's a mildewy funk here". When I say Mary Carlson's basement smelled like shit, I mean it. She had about six of those small yappy dogs, Shit Zoos or whatever, and apparently no one had bothered to teach 'em that you're supposed to drop your bricks outside in the grass. There were about eight zillion tiny brown landmines I had to work around to get to her electrical wiring, and I wondered how in the hell she could live like that....

A Pain in the Choas

2009-07-29T09:57:41-04:00

By Marcus Riedner Most people just do not understand what it is like to have someone else give you your super power. I had no choice in the matter, I made a simple slip of the tongue, a small typo on my blog and before I knew it I had the full power of the Choas. Read the rest!

Broken Genie

2009-07-26T13:35:16-04:00

By Haley Moore I still owe the Cafe an apology - one I plan to deliver, if they ever let me in there again. In my defense, I really did think it was something in the coffee at first; some cocktail of LSD and speed with maybe a dash of roofie to make me zone out. But I didn't touch the coffee, of course, between that first sip and the nightmare start, running my pen in a little white trench in a book with a blood-red cover. Read the rest!

Distracted

2009-07-26T03:43:23-04:00

By Jay Bushman I didn’t notice anything on the first day. I was always good at blocking out distractions and focusing on the task at hand. And putting your own needs to the side for the sake of the work is a necessary corporate survival skill. I do recall that late that afternoon, while sitting at my desk I noticed an electric feeling in the air behind me. In the same way you sometimes hear a high-pitched whine that vanishes before you can figure out if it’s coming from one of your computers, or if it’s the death shriek of...

my.. insectile.. tongue...

2009-07-25T23:50:10-04:00

By netwurker layar 1: twitch-city. yawning.left eyelid's all gummed up. blah. [layar 2: [lock-N-load]turn[key]ing ova + scratching. scratch...i...n.....g......wot?] layar 1: finger feels weird. swollen? musta used the wrong sheet fabric softner. have 2 tell mark. he's normally so good with my allergies.... [layar 2: creepy chitinous. y can't i turn over? glints of [oyster]sh[elled]ine 4rm my back?!] layar 1: argghh....um. .ok. ..i can't turn over. this must b a bad 1: all my bad is bumpy...did the cat sleep on my bed again?! mark *knows* she's not allowed! [layar 2: mandible wretching. my.skin.is.not. Goldblum+Price+Kafka: all-bZZZt-rolled-up-in-1]. layar 1: ok *breathe*. this...

Anniversary

2009-07-25T22:43:33-04:00

By Ancalime So many of us changed last year, but why are we all so different? Lacking any other common thread, so far the evidence seems to point to a strong minority of the affected being changed in a way that wasn't entirely alien to them, but rather something to which they'd previously already had an affinity. Well, then I start to ask myself...have we experienced a true singularity, and are now dealing with an entirely new playbook when it comes to the laws of physics? ...Or do we just have more to discover? Read the rest!

Woe is Cuspid

2009-07-25T22:41:13-04:00

By Hollow Bastion Argh! Is there anybody more frustrated than me at the moment?! I think not. I-THINK-NOT, Sir! Everyone else began to get cool super powers like levitating objects, manipulating fire and flying. FLYING! Who wouldn’t want to bloody fly? But no, I did not get to fly. What did I get? I awoke with the ability to grow and shrink my teeth. That’s right, my teeth. What POSSIBLE practical use is there for that? I can’t fend off bank robbers. I can’t stop a murder. On the other hand if Bugs Bunny ever challenged me to a carrot-eating...