My Thoughts and Life

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2013-04-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

To capture my body.
You must first capture my mind.

To capture my mind.
You will need to capture my heart.

When all three are possessed.
My soul will follow.

Sheilah

Day's Of My Life

2013-04-08T18:22:00.003-07:00

In my life there are days like yesterday and good days. When working Friday was my worst day. At least then when getting home the worst part of my week was in the past. Than found out Sunday would now be my worst day and night. Unlike Friday there was no going home. Ah but like Friday. Sunday gets to be left in the past.

Two priorities I have made mandatory. The first is when something becomes history. To keep it in the past were history belongs. (A bonus to this is I experience a negative but receive a positive education. Thus making all my negative experience non existence. Because they're all positive ones).
The second is no matter what happens to me that buts me into depression. Only 3 days or 72 hours are put towards that mood. And it does work for me. My logic is life comes first.
To get back to Sunday my worst day. It too has become past history and left to the past.
What's that you say, what about Monday today?Well when working Monday was my best work day of the week. [If you want to know why. Send an email and ask]. As it turns out Monday has remained my best day of the week in retirement.

If you're curious as to my favorite day of the week when working. It was Wednesday.

And there it is another day in my life.

Sheilah Say

Sunday's, I Just Can't Trust This Day

2013-04-07T23:07:00.000-07:00

This is how I felt all day, now and most likely before I close my eyes to sleep.

When you step into a pile of day old dog pooh. Scrape it off your shoe but there's that little bit still left. No time to completely remove it. So you continue on your way hoping the rest will self remove but it doesn't.

Ah sleep. It renders me to a state of subconsciousness. I lose myself in an excess of memories past. Not knowing what will appear next. Soaring through and over deep canyons. Or a medley of ambiguous colors flying through my mind. In stark reality I could stand on a precipice. To fall from this great peril only to land standing umharmed.

Sleep I await your embrace."To sleep, perchance to dream".‡

Sheilah Say

‡William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Support For Breast Implants

2013-04-03T23:52:00.002-07:00

From This...

Was considering setting up a donation button for breast implants. Though am not so sure whether or not it would be worth the time.

Anyone wishing to contact me may do so through my blogger profile. Or type sheilahsay into your search engine.
Breast implant costs start at $3,495* for saline. (Tijuana Mexico). Then upwards to $10,000 for silicone by some surgeons in the USA. There is a surgeon in San Diego who has a price starting from $5,000.

It is saline implants I'd rather get. Going to Mexico will be the most inexpensive way.

Understanding times are difficult for all world wide. This may be just wishful thinking.

For those that do decide to support my breast implants. Depending on the size of donation each person will receive a personal thank you from me. [I do apologize but this is all I can give]. But will set something up for the more generous.

...To This

Sheilah Say
'I can be nothing else but who I am'

What’s In My Name

2013-03-25T13:21:00.001-07:00

Pledge Allegiance

2013-03-25T13:17:00.000-07:00

The Old

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

The New

I pledge my allegiance to my country the United States of America and to the Bill of Rights. For which they stand for with equal justice and liberty for all. Not just the few.

A Road Traveled

2013-02-11T23:47:00.001-08:00

We all travel down a different road,
Travel is flat, steep or curved as we go.
Rolling before and rising to greet us,
A long road, together a long life as one.

Sheilah Say

Some Good All Bad

2013-01-12T22:19:00.002-08:00

Since my BFF had a heart attack just before Christmas. I have become empty, lonely and depressed. Crying for me is no option to my circumstances. Crying is my reality. Loneliness a constant companion. Emptiness and depression my reminders. Then there's reality. The reality that not hearing from my BFF for a long period of time. Would only lead to the reality of his passing. Which will most likely send me into a tail spin.

Sheilah Say

And Listen!

2013-01-11T22:19:00.002-08:00

Upon A Whisper

2013-01-03T16:45:00.000-08:00

What was it that did such a deed,
It was help from a whispered breeze.
No one could plant all the evil seeds,
Only I with eyes which do not see.
So be on guard of wry and take heed,
Be not fooled to a whispered breeze.

Sheilah Say

My Month

2012-12-26T16:19:00.000-08:00

This is the first time in my entire life. That I feel so alone. I've dealt being by myself in the past but now it's different. One one and only friend, my BFF, has been in the hospital twice this month. Now he's home recovering.

This feeling of being alone comes from what I felt a couple of days ago. A feeling of dread. Of not seeing my BFF again.
I have resigned myself with growing old without a significant other. My boyfriend in 2007 passed away from a heart attack. I just couldn’t deal with losing my BFF.

My life is my own and will need to deal with this at a later date. When it comes is the time for me to deal with stuff in my life.

I just cannot shake this feeling.

Sheilah Say

Holiday Peer

2012-12-25T01:41:00.001-08:00

The time is so near, I'll try to make it clear.
Only thing that's good this time of the year.
Days are getting longer, then spring is here.
Other then this, these holidays are a sneer.
My eyes this year overflowed with tears.
It is not fear, but from one I consider dear.
To all who revere the holidays with cheer.
Keep those who are dear close and near.

Sheilah Say

Lonely Are the Nights

2012-11-04T22:25:00.001-08:00

Loneliness is the hardest for me. Oh I can ignore it for years. Soon-or-later the loneliness is overwhelming from a simple, I gotta go, chat on instant messenger. Or a subtle but nice, brush-off.

That is when the whole emotion becomes overwhelming. My mind get tsunami'd by an impenetrable impasse. All the thoughts and memories in my life. Come to the fore front of all thought. This can go on for up to three days. Or on and off for three days. By then I put the loneliness of my thoughts aside. Once again regaining my control on logic, reason and rationality. With these I may continue in my emptiness. Not even allowing the briefest of glimpses back to my past.

Sheilah Say

''We’re bound by gravity but have freedom of mind''10.19.2010

This Lonely Night

2012-10-27T20:31:00.001-07:00

This is such a lonely Saturday night for me. It’s the second or maybe third Saturday my BFF, Best Friends Forever, hasn’t come over to keep company with me. Look at me, so bored and lonely that it’s getting blogged. This must say something of my night. Not even the internet holds any interest for me. Television! Might as well go to sleep.
To make my Saturday worse. 10.16.2012 I rode my Sportster to my mechanic. So he could do an oil change and tune-up. When I called him on the 22^nd. There was gas leaking through a carburetor gasket. Now it’s the 27^th still haven’t heard from him.
There is my over 3,000 album mp3 collection. Which I’ve been listening to all day and just when starting to type this paragraph. The playlist, Jimi Hendrix, just finished.
Oh well. Guess there isn’t much more to do except dose myself and fall asleep.
Sheilah Say
Lonely and blue with nothing to do,
So lonely tonight my blues got blues.
Got the blues in my pockets,
Got ‘em all over my place.
They is just like some bad dream,
Can’t shake these blues away.
Sheilah Say

How Many People Have Ever Lived On Earth?

2012-10-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

Under 108,000,000,000 [100 billions] *No idea where this number came from

Year	Population	Births per 1,000	Births Between Benchmarks
50,000 B.C.	2*	-	-
8000 B.C.	5,000,000 [millions]	80	1,137,789,769 [billions]
1 A.D.	300,000,000 [100 millions]	80	46,025,332,354 [billions]
1200	450,000,000 [100 millions]	60	26,591,343,000 [billions]
1650	500,000,000 [100 millions]	60	12,782,002,453 [billions]
1750	795,000,000 [100 millions]	50	3,171,931,513 [billions]
1850	1,265,000,000 [billions]	40	4,046,240,009 [billions]
1900	1,656,000,000 [billions]	40	2,900,237,856 [billions]
1950	2,516,000,000 [billions]	31-38	3,390,198,215 [billions]
1995	5,760,000,000 [billions]	31	5,427,305,000 [billions]
2011	6,215,000,000 [billions]	23	2,130,327,622 [billions]

Number Who Have Ever Been Born	107,602,707,791 [100 billions]
World population in mid-2011	6,987,000,000 [billions]
Percent of those ever born who are living in 2011	6.5%

Sprouts and Eggs

2012-09-05T17:58:00.001-07:00

If I had a goose that laid golden eggs,
Or a tree sprouting hundred dollar bills.
I could have the wealth of a billionaire,
Funds aplenty in which to do as I cared.

The snap of fingers brings all my wants,
My needs attained by an others energy.
Mine towards more pleasurable pursuits,
Material possessions gracing every view.

Some could say, it so good having it all,
With a tree that grows and a golden goose.
All around would be so peaceful so serene,
To the eye, which doesn’t visualize at all.

As a blind eye turns away from the inside,
A place which money and gold cannot touch.
The need to secure necessary inner desires,
Longing for others who are of the same wants.

Lonely is a life filled with sprouts and eggs,
And no one touching the pleasures of inside.
Loneliness is snapped by an others presence,
Of laughter, the joy and companionship inside.

Sheilah Say

Today Sunday 08.26.2012

2012-08-26T14:53:00.000-07:00

I just felt my 2^nd earthquake today at 1:58pm PDT. The 1^st came at 12:57 pm PDT. The two quakes where more of a rolling shake. As opposed to the shake, rattle and roll kind. It was strange, only because I haven't felt a roller since the early 1993. In the '93 roller Sammy, golden retriever, and me were living out of a camper. On a friends property in north Escondido. I woke up to go out and pee. With Sammy tailing me. I finished what needed to be done but Sammy wasn't quite done. Just after I finished the ground came rolling towards Sammy and me. It wasn't just 1 or 2 simple rolls. There were a series of 8 in a row. Sammy an I just stood there and Sammy had a look on his face like, hey what was that.

An Open Letter To The President of The United States of America

2012-07-06T12:45:00.002-07:00

Dear Mr. President/Barrack Obama/Sir,
    So, You want to get reelected. With Mitt Romney running against you. Your second term would seem to be a shoe in.

     Though what have you done!
    Al Qaeda; Excellent call there..
    Health Care; Well let’s face it you rolled over into submission. Hey! There were a lot of people counting on you. [I was not one of them, for the record].
    Medical Marijuana: That was a campaign promise. Wasn’t it? Oh I see Those were just to bring in more voters. Like when Jimmy Carter ran and said he would decimalize it. Well at least he had an excuse for reneging. As weak as it was. What’s your excuse?

Like many others I also voted for you. Not for health care, *DADT, Afghanistan or the dream act. As important as these issues are. It was for the change.

Eighth years of a President in which all he did was increase the debt. Not that I wasn’t aware you would also increase the debt. It seemed some change was needed.

     Okay, know there was the hope for bipartisan support. Which you so blindly wanted. Even though the GOP wanted to make you a one term President.

    At the beginning of your Presidency both the lower and upper Congress were controlled by Democrats. You seemingly piddled that majority away. In the slim hope of bipartisanism. You were for all intents and purposes looking like a closet Republican.

    Now you want my vote again. Mr. President why should I? What will you do in your second term that will be different from the first. Increase your harassment of medical marijuana people? President Bush at least left that to the States.

    Why not do something important. Like close down some the useless departments in the federal government? [I’m not talking about Medicare or social security either]. You would set a precedent. Not to mention cut the budget.
    What about lobbyist? There’s a campaign promise made that nothing was done about. Wall street. What about wall street and banks to big to fail? You said there would be legislation to rein these corporations in?

So Mr. President, please tell me why I should vote for you?

                         Respectfully,
                            Sheilah Say

*Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

All Along A Lifetime

2012-06-29T23:13:00.005-07:00

Yesterday, Thursday 06.28.2012, was a sad heart hurting day for me. A true Best Friend passed away. Her name, Reo.

The verse below was written March 2007.

Life has purpose. We can search for that purpose a lifetime and not find it.

All the time it was us.

A Cool Warm Breeze

I come to see the wonder in life,
Not from material needs or desire.
Not from wealth I have yet obtain,

But from within the hearts of others.

The compassion and understanding,

Which has come to me by others.

From those with kindness and caring,

An out pouring from their hearts.

Touches the very depths of my soul,

Such as a cool breeze on a hot day.

A breeze of caring, shade of kindness,

The comfort and warmth abounds.

Sheilah Say

Reo

Who Are

2012-06-24T07:13:00.000-07:00

You who are my heart, my life

and...

Always, my one my only thought.

Sheilah Say

Memories Hiss By

2012-06-23T05:33:00.001-07:00

The sun shine's through my eyes,
See beam on a wall.

Sunshine right next to me,
Hear it hit the corner door.

Search light through the heart,
Suddenly I'm on a floor.

Words hiss through my memory,
Like a colonic BOOM!

Words hiss through my memory,
As wind whips at a tree.

A man stands in the corner,
But all I seen was light.

Stop the words they consume me,
Baby can't always be free.

People run around cell to an ear,
Me, still in a darkened room.

Mind don't stop seeing light,
There he is in the corner again.

Waves with words start a tremblin',
Hitting like a sonic tune.

Words and waves again tremble,
Within this blackened room.

Like a cold damp rag it'll kill you,
Soon or later turning into blue.

Hissin'. Hiss. Hiss. Hissing,
These ears always list.

If the noise don't get you soon,
Memories definitely shall.

RIDE-ON
RIDE-ON

Right There in a closed off room.

BOOM!!!
DOOM
BOOM!!!

Va-room to da moon,
Alone with a tune in my room

Sheilah Say

My Core Beliefs

2012-04-30T14:02:00.002-07:00

01.Treat people as you would want to be treated, 02.Mean what I say, say what I mean, 03.Integrity is the first line against lies, 04.To trust liars is worst than a fool, 05.Etiquette rules, being rude drools, 06.There’s only two realities; the truth, the lie, 07.Exercise free will, 08.Lead by example, 09.Never under estimate the power of denial, 10.A moment of silence is worth a lifetime of knowledge, 11.Life is simplicity no sense in complications, 12.All comes to those that wait, 13.Don’t interrupt a person talking, 14.There are only positive experiences, 15.There are no negative experiences, 16.Only negative experiences are those not learned from, 17.A wealth of knowledge is gleaned from just listening, 18.Experience learned is experience gained. Even from others, 19.Embrace all that is a part of me, 20.Temptation resisted is a true measure of character, 21.Ignore the evil, cherish truth, 22.Truth lives, lies die, 23.Deceit and despair start from within, 24.Coincidence(s) is/are someone’s idea of mere chance, 25.Life is all we really own, the rest just borrowed, 26.Life is precious make good use of it, 27.Give more in life, and happiness will follow, 28.Quality is equaled by quality given, 29.There are optional uses for everything, 30.A minimum of two options in all decisions, 31.Anything is possible, 32.Be on time or early for appointments, 33.Give examples instead of advice, 34.Observe not to repeat subject matter, 35.These words are absolutes; never, ever, wrong* and right* 36.I am only who I am, 37.Not who I am not [don’t be plastic], 38.More decisions in life are made incorrectly than correct one’s, 39.There is a touch of peace in each of us, 40.I am for love not the other, 41.A halo of ignorance is not bliss, 42.To dwell in the past makes a future difficult to progress into, 43.God is a concept used as a measure.

*Try using incorrect for wrong and correct for right

These are what and who I am and all about. They are as a code of honor is, valued highly and followed without deviation. An uncompromising core which has sustained me through life. Which will sustain me into my future.
Have you a list such as this?

Sheilah Say

A #3 Dream: Soaring

2012-04-17T21:37:00.003-07:00

It was as where I stood, twilight. Like the little part
just minutes before all light fades to night. It wasn’t hard to see. Only all I saw was tinted a washed out gray. There were trees, hills, brush, sky and clouds. With the first twinkling of evening stars. Looking in the opposite direction where the sun set. It already had faded to the night. So walking out onto what was an open meadow. After several steps my walking became slightly labored. I was starting up a an incline but could not see the top. The farther up the incline the steeper it was and walking was also more strenuous. Still I continued to walk up the incline. At one point I had to start leaning in. So my hands could be used now in climbing to the top. There wasn’t any out cropping of rock. Nor were any trees or brush in my path to hinder the climbing. It was all what seemed like grass with intermittent patches of dirt. On this now steeper and steeper slope. Pulling myself upward with my hands. While the feet stepped and planted me firmly. This was continued again and again. Until happening to glance up, there was the top. Only a few more feet and I would gain it. Closer now and planting my feet firmly under me. I grabbed a good hold on long grass. Then with one big effort propelled myself the last couple of feet to the top. Laying prone I slowly rouse to a standing position. Looking out before me all the sky had turned to night. The stars twinkled brightly as a few clouds floated lazily. Just then noticing where I was standing. The top was a long narrow dirt track. With one side sloped were I had climbed up. The other just inches from where I stood. Was a drop off and a very long way down. Turning I started walking along the dirt track. I wasn’t concerned at all with the drop. The twinkling of the stars had my attention. Each twinkle seemed to convey something, a message. I wasn’t sure but they were beautiful to look at. Not watching where I was going. Stumbling I fell towards the ground. To my surprise there was no ground just emptiness. Looking under and to the back of me found I had walked off the top. (Stumbling out over into a broad valley). There where I had walked off was the edge. My feet had not quite cleared it. Pushing off hard with my feet took me out further over the valley and straight down. Plummeting downward an up draft caught me and pushed me upward. Up and forward. I was soaring. Not flying but soaring on the up drafts and wind currents. As they pushed on me and leaning either to my right or left. That is the direction my body went. If I wanted to go up. All that needed to be done. Was to lift or raise my shoulders and head up. To go down, slightly tilting the head and pushing the body in that direction. Not only did I go downward but also my speed picked up. It was an amazing exhilaration to my senses. Being able to soar across the wide expanse of the valley. To go in whatever direction. Be able to soar in a cloud. Wait I said. Something was saying not to go very high. Perhaps it was the twinkle of the stars. That had sent me a warnings about going high. Whether the stars or my inner self I wasn’t about to ignore it. Swooping to the right then left. Soaring up and down at break neck speed. Coming inches from the valley and pulling up. I glided along inches above blades of grass. All that was necessary to stop. Was pull myself to a standing posture and put my leg out. Than step down as if stepping off a bottom stair. So I did. Looking around I could see dawn was breaking. Sparkles of yellow flowed out of the horizon. Inner mixed with soft reds and pale oranges. Trying to soar again I jumped up but nothing happened. Waking up to the morning sun I said aloud. I’ll have to do that again and started a new day.

Sheilah Say

We’re All Crazy

2012-04-08T03:19:00.001-07:00

Importance of sanity is offset by the importance of insanity.

A # 9 Dream

2012-04-06T22:59:00.006-07:00

Where am I? There are trees to the left and a steep grassy slope on my right. Ahead of me in the far distance, people? Not sure. As I walk in that direction. The trees give way to an expanse of flat open grassy plains. With a meandering of streams crisscrossing. Closer now. No people just a three high rail timber fence.
Seemingly everywhere. Some of it boxed into corals. While a zigzag of fence here and there but not across my path. Suddenly fences end and a grassy slope lays in front of me. Now I see people at the bottom and small groups spread about. Hop, skip and stumbling to the bottom I am greeted. A short statured man asks, what's up? Before I spoke a hand grabs the back of my collar. Spins me around and says, don't speak here.

**INTERMISSION** Woke up to pee.

Back in bed I settle in under a warm blanket and fell into sleep. Now I am in a jumble of wrecked houses. Looking for something or someone. A voice calls out to me, over here. I arrive at the area from where I was called. It's the short statured man. He is excitedly pointing to the ground. No pointing to a sign or print perhaps. Running off he gestures for me to follow. When I catch up to him we're both confronted by a huge block stone wall. Walking the perimeter I was searching a way inside. Out of nowhere a whirl wind lifted me of the ground. Though the whirling winds were fierce throwing debris all about.
Where I sat it was calm, almost tranquil. Gently the winds set me down atop the stone wall. When standing the whole of the vista stretch to the distance horizon. Beautiful low rolling knolls. With grasses in hues of light blue-green to dark forest green. A smattering of trees and shrubs only broken by lazily following streams. By contrast the sky overhead was overcast with dark blackened clouds. Then, again I was lifted gently into the air and carried forward. Set down in what looked like the middle of a ghost town. I scanned the two story buildings which were on three sides of me. I gave particular attention to the windows. Some had bars others a small balcony and where a window was opened. A rainbow of colored curtains were furling in the breeze. Outwardly floated the colors up and over into another window. The splendid display of these floating rainbows of colors. Had me beginning to float along with them. Just then there was a tap on my shoulder. Turning in that direction there was my friend the short statured man. Smiling he said, the town is closed for a holiday. Before I could speak he was gone. Replaced with a crowd of people from side to side of the street coming ‘round the corner. As they came within a few yards of me. I was swept off the street into a doorway. Then through the door. Now I stood on a shoreline of a crystal clear lake. At the far end was a waterfall. Not just your average falls but a waterfalls of multiple colors. The spillway was a sky blue flowing down into a darker blue to hues of sea green, teal, aqua and ending at the lake in a frothy white foam.

Sheilah Say