C'est La Vie;That's life

Balancing those beams....

2015-08-18T12:06:00.002+05:30

We do this every day, right? Tread those egg shells? Walk that thin line between what we think is right, and what's a big no-no.

Or, do something which seem perfect at Life Point X, but, when we overdo and it becomes negative, turns into an inverted bell curve at Life Point Y?

Read on.

Here are some random examples on this train of thought, collected on this random day-

Share our life experiences and think it's of major help to someone, without sounding preachy, a bore, and being a major put off.

Gain self-confidence and turn it into positive self-esteem, without getting snotty, arrogant, and again, a major put off.

Be that voice of reason to friends and family, without people start hating it eventually.

Love our kids deeply and passionately, without smothering and killing the relationship that they run away and away from us. This of course, sometimes can make us chase them more, until they flee to the tall peaks of Machu Pichu. But, sorry children - love can soar and climb mountains too, so watch out ok?

Set the bar high for our kids in life, without making it them trying to fulfil our fantasy and unfulfilled ambitions. The answer to this would be to help them fix their own goals in whatever they want to do and help them be successful in that venture. Sounds simple and easy enough? Nah.

Be sensitive to people who are going through a tough time, without being silent and feeling helpless, in the end turn indifferent

Go out of our way and help others in need, yet, be fine if that's not reciprocated or expect anyone to hand out medals for the act. Altruism is the hardest virtue. Very hard.

Give time for others around us, yet, make sure we don't suffer burn outs and our sanity is not compromised. Am sure a lot of Mothers can relate to this one. No one cares if we quit our jobs for the family or juggle both. Whatever we did was our decision and this is one tough bullet we have to bite, chew and swallow.

Be nice to the world without being taken for a ride or treated like a doormat.

Plan for the future, yet, be in the moment sometimes and carpe those diems if you can.

Be organized most of the times, yet, relax the rules and just go for it!

Work really hard, smart, wise, whatever, yet, take those well-deserved breaks and don't ignore the family around us for whom we're working hard in the first place.

Be health conscious for the most part, yet indulge a bit now and then. Those ice creams and killer desserts are good for our soul, forget the body.

By now, am sure you get the drift and can add more to the list.

Scary, much?

So, is there a perfect recipe or the ideal mix of how much of what we do is correct, and when it's not?
Not sure if that's possible. But, if we reflect on our day-to-day actions, there's a big chance to catch ourselves and work on these over-do's.

Try giving it a shot :-)

On Equality....

2015-04-06T10:49:00.001+05:30

So much hoopla about womanhood, feminism, and what's right or wrong, extreme or mild versions of it, am suddenly feeling a urge to clarify my views on this topic. Quite bizarrestrangoweird that it never crossed my mind all these donkey's years, to actually think of what being a woman meant to me, leave alone write about it.

Anyways, let me just sit down and make an attempt to de-clutter all the muck and mud surrounding this mess.

One word pretty much bottoms it down, and I've given away the punchline in my title anyway-

EQUALITY.

As simple as that. What goes for the goose goes for the gander.

Except, what both genders physiologically can and can't do- pregnancy and childbirth, hormones, work that involves upper body strength etc. Even the latter is kind of debatable, with sports being a levelling field right now - yes, that was meant to be "punny" :-)

Anything else that is possible for both genders, like education, work, choosing a life partner, staying at home to take care of kids, should be offered as a choice to both. It's such a myth that women are the ones hard wired and that men can't take care of babies. And, a huge insult to so many fathers who do a great job of it.

If you're aware of the options available for you and no one is forcing you to do one way or the other - and yet, if doing a what is considered a stereotypical role or job is your choice - I say just go for it.

Two important factors in this whole discussion.

One- the patriarchy and evolution of men.

My answer may not be satisfactory, but it is painfully the truth. Men have evolved in a patriarchal mindset for millions of years, and all this talk about equality have only emerged in the last century or so.

Fighting is mandatory, but bashing will not get us anywhere, and accepting will not allow us to progress. Is it frustrating to do this? Huge Yes. But, working towards an ideal is what we need and ought to do.

Start with the men around you- fathers, brothers, spouses, bosses, co-workers, sons, neighbors. Engage in healthy debates. Educate them on how it feels from our side. A simple question of "If you were me, would you do this? Or, why can't I do what you're doing?" can sometimes plant seeds of revolution.

Painfully aware of sitting in a country where the female foetus gets aborted before even it's formed, girls getting raped at schools and outside, women getting abused at home and workplace, mothers being forced to give up their careers to take care of families. Am talking about the majority of the male population whom you meet everyday, and not rapists, pedophiles or the perverted lot. My solution for those kind - N e u t e r. Period.

I come from a place of belief that all of us are a "work in progress" towards betterment of the society. And, empowering ourselves and the opposite gender are crucial components to this process.

In fact, not just men. Let me include women too. A lot of times, women do the worst stereotyping to other women. I don't get it too, but it's sadly true.

The second part - embracing ourselves as a person.

Everybody is a product of their ancestors, family tree and society they're a part of. If we don't accept ourselves as this output of our own place in the evolutionary time line (because let's face it -You can't change it any ways) and start our work to grow as an individual from this point onwards, we can't understand anything at all.

Not just gender, but our context as humans as a whole. It gets a lot complex to understand how societies have grown and the historical background, but, hey, shouldn't we start getting curious on how we landed up in the place we have? Am no expert in this area, but to me this seems to be the logical beginning to know ourselves a bit more than what's handed to us.

Getting back to the Equality debate.

If you notice, except for our physical traits which may place limitations, beyond that point, honestly believe that it's important that an individual's rights takes over. That is what should be nurtured, groomed and polished.

I, Me, and Myself in whatever form, mindset and personality as exists, is way more important than anything else. So, I, as a person, fully in knowledge of my rights and has choices, can opt to do whatever I want in whatever way I deem fit. Can't stress enough on the keyword "I" here, doesn't matter which gender you belong to.

And, on a 15,000 ft level, once you get the equality lens on, other issues become clearer too. Why just Gender? What about Caste? What about Gay rights? What about Race? What about Class? What about Disabilities?

You and your compass....

2015-03-21T19:34:00.001+05:30

Let's talk about what each and every one of us have within ourselves.

That deep, down voice that tells us strongly what to do, not to do, what we ought to do but choose not to and regret later on with a "I-told-me-so", things that we wish to do but dare not try in our lifetime....you get the drift.

Yes, it is that all-pervading, metaphorical inner compass, or the SatNavs of our lives that I'm getting into.

Young adults think they have an independent mind, and do and act that way. In reality, though, in most of the cases, it's not even of their own choice, but out of peer pressure.

Which interestingly, brings a point- whose collective, mob voice is it then? If everyone is busy copying someone else doing the same, then who the heck started the fire?

No clue, but let's assume for sanity's sake that some life form starts a trend which gets viral, bacterial, whatever. And, suddenly there's a strong urge that compels every youngster to do it right now, or their life be doomed. Of course, more their parents don't like it, the merrier it gets. They start protesting to claim their individual rights for an idea that's not their own, but actually belongs to a group.

Confusing much? Very. But, amusing as that is, am not saying that it's anything wrong, because all this is an important part of growing up. Anyway, this is the time when the "miniature-adults" are starting to collect life experiences to start polishing their navigation systems.

Seems fascinating though, that the time when we reach our prime adulthood, is the stage when most of us have developed a strong sense of morals, ethics and a scope of our life, which is unique to us.

Even though we still follow the crowd to some extent, given the social animals that we are, we have also managed to shape up on our own. How did we get here? Usually, this is a culmination of our upbringing- the place we have lived, our genes, family etc etc. But, most importantly our good, bad and ugly life experiences so far plays a crucial role here.

And, by mid-life and beyond is when by experimenting more, and by learning vis-a-vis the success or failure of the outcomes from our prime adulthood, whoppee....woohoo....we are on the way to finding the core of ourselves.

We are all really grown-up now, and supposed to be mature adults. By the way, you can cancel the party plans, because this is not an end-all business. Ideally, we are supposed to continue grooming and keep gaining enough wisdom to create those spectacular auras around us that can shine through the Milky way. At least that's the high bar we have to keep up.

You can of course, decide to chuck these concepts through the window, say hell-no to these high pressured notions and resume the party. It's all a choice :-)

Envy Vs Jealousy

2015-02-10T14:00:00.003+05:30

No big deal, one would think?

Well, one's wrong and one has to think again. There's enough difference between the two, to make wordsmiths uncontrollably weep with tears of joy or split their white hairs.

Don't believe me? Prepare yourself for this earth-shaking (at least in my mind) discovery.

Envy is when we badly want or desire what someone else has- yes, it's that new house, new car, dress, whatever other people have and we don't.

It's interesting to note that we never look at those way above our strata - so, those helipadders, penthouse owners or exotic island hoppers never come in our radar because our brain has knocked off those from our check list way back.

Those below our own levels don't even come into the picture simply because, it defies the very definition of what we are trying to define. So, who's left, you say?

The fellow humans who come from our similar background, and have lead similar lives, make money more or less like us, but, somehow (here's where you insert your favourite expletive, followed by conspiracy theories in various degrees), managed to have gotten that brand new luxury car.

Damn it, we hate that, don't we?

Ok, all the above reasons have existed for a while now, and to some extent needed to hone our survival and adaptive instincts.

On an extreme end though, an annoying movement that has become the exclusive trend of the competitive millennium parents (trust me, kids could care less and have enough problems of their own) is that of comparing notes as to who is doing well in academics or have made it to that coveted college.

This has to be the most ridiculous and unproductive habit ever in human history.

So, for all those hyperactive parents- here's an unsolicited advice from me.

Our progeny = Our own genes + Our parenting style and of course, the inadequacies that come with that package + their social structure (at school and outside) + levels of exposure to social media.

Try controlling these variables and maybe that's what may change the outcome. Taking tips from high achievers on a grandiose level might help, but, spewing venom and starting long bitch-fests on why that xyz's son or daughter doing better than ours is a complete waste of time and only brews negative feelings.

Phew, I hate to sound that preachy, but, had to vent that out of my system sometime.

Going back to envy.

In a nutshell, it involves two-parties. One- the envier,(completely cooked up) who's basically doing all the job of harboring ill-feelings and the other, the enviee, (yes, made up again just to maintain balance) who's just going about doing his/her business completely oblivious of their part in the chain of reaction.

Then, what's jealousy you ask? Well, jealousy is when you possess something and are worried that another person might take it away from you.

Easiest example would be of a person whom you love or like a lot. When there's a third person competing for that attention, this is what follows. That harmony-loving, dove-releasing, Gandhi-following, meditation-preaching, yoga-practicing (you get the picture) persona that you've been all along in life just takes a long hike, and the green-eyed monster in you suddenly pops up from nowhere.

This tends to disturb the existing equilibrium, creates a havoc and the next thing you know, you have a strange urge to read up on different ways to torture someone.

In a nutshell, jealousy involves three-parties.

There's again the envier, who seems to the perpetual bad guy, the envien (had to come up with something, thanks to the tangled web I've woven) or the intermediate person who's kind of innocent and caught up in this whole mess, and the enviee, who may or may not be guilty, but, you can't do anything about it anyway.

After all this paralyzing analysis (can actually feel a numb limb in my arm), I've come to this hypothesis now.

Both envy and jealousy are natural and inevitable to our nature. Let it come out, no holds back.

But, just being conscious, trying to tame these demons (we are never short of them, are we), and mainly, not allowing it to take control of our lives is possible and doable.

Resting my "peace" cap for now.

Where's the village?

2014-06-11T23:11:00.000+05:30

When you need it the most. Obviously, for raising kids.

In the by-gone, black & white, pre-digital era when joint families still existed, there was definitely, literally and truly- a village. In fact, am going to call it "The Village".

Where there were people of different age groups, genders, personalities (some of them quite colorful) that roamed about freely. Some were close families, some extended, and the ones "no-one-knows-who", but somehow get mysteriously added to the tree.

Nah, just kidding, am sure the seniors would eventually get there by racking their brains to come up with a twisted, long-winded term to justify their relationships to the pack. Neighbours were close enough to be called part of the families too.

My point being - all these people directly or indirectly had a big impact on the children of the household. Was it all positive, inspirational, fairy-land style of an influence? Heck, no.

No such dream place ever existed. People are always people - with the extremely nice, decently good, not bad, ugly, uglier and ugliest. A sum totality of experiences, especially handy and closer to home sounds like what the doctor ordered . That's what kids used to go through, which in turn shaped their values, ideals etc.

Fast forward to the child (please note the singular) of today.

Parents are pretty much the big influence here, and I can only speak for myself and let me put this as eloquently as I can and say that - "Me no help, not in a million years....no". Plus, the intensity between kids and parents these days is on dangerously high toxic levels.

By thrusting our own unreasonable expectations, past-life and present-life successes or failures, and an impulse to run the race, we have somehow managed to successfully cut off meaningful messages and thrown it out of the window.

So, what do I do?

After clenching, unclenching, and back to clenching my fists for hours, I start looking for any "metaphorical-only" glimpses of the village around me.

Wait, am seeing vague, ghostly figures now, let me bring them closer to the light. Ok, got them!

Seriously, for the kids of today, a combo of teachers, close relatives, books and the Internet gurus are the only access to the big world.

Which is not bad, except- teachers are too busy meeting goals, benchmarks and have no time for personal mentoring, relatives are sometimes spread far and wide, books can allude a false sense of reality, and the Internet is a tough jungle to navigate and sometimes overwhelming even for adults.

The evolutionary angle to this would be the obvious - we have changed from needing skills to survive in a geographically limited area to a more wider, global world. Which is fine, it's just a different field, with hard-to-reach tools to plow through.

And, somewhere the connection to stories from your own gene pool, which you can relate to is missing big time.That's all.

The Humor Bone...

2012-03-08T18:20:00.011+05:30

Is there really one in our body?

Or, maybe it's just a wacky, weird word play on the actual "humerus" bone. Who says Science and Literature don't mix, right?

Be that as it may, having the ability to laugh with (note, not "at") others is a great habit to groom, polish and whatever else you do for general sanity check.

Laughing apparently releases endomorphins or "feel-good" chemicals in our body- that's what researchers say, not me. So, anything from clowns, funny shows, even if a pathetic physical tickle is what it takes to get a smile, would be fine.

Now, bear with me on this laziest one in the history of analogies. Imagine you're at the bottom of a hill.

Ready, set, this would your starting position.

Moving up, have you noticed how it's so easy to laugh at external things, but not at ourselves? But, if we do want to get there, we got to travel a long way to taking ourselves a little less serious than others do.

Really... our mothers did tell us we're not the "only" center of the universe. I'm adding "only", because when my daughter heard me saying this she politely pointed out that scientifically, the universe is unbounded and thus every point within it has an equal claim to being the exact center. So technically, she gets to be the center, just like everyone else.

Don't you hate it when your wisdom is constantly corrected by 10 yr olds?

Sigh, guess that's we call progress.

Back to the topic, if you want to learn to take some self-deprecating humor or even make one, egos should always be as flat as a freshly-mowed lawn, yet your confidence should be soaring up in the sky.

I know, it's tough but that's the golden rule, the mantra.

And, what do you do if you're hyper-sensitive and that's barring from taking a wisecrack on yourself?

Yes, it is hard when a joke exposes your worst area. But, here's the tip. The more you avoid it, the higher your "cringe" meter. Catch-22 at work.

Anyway, if you do get to this level, the good news is that you're half-way up the hill.

Here's the clincher though. The ultimate in the humor hierarchy.

If you can make others laugh or smile, you've reached the acme. Of the mountain, remember?

And, the good news is that you don't have to be a professional comedian to do it. All of us have the potential to get loose, unleash and unlock those nerves, crack that wit.

It kind of helps us, and those around us too. So, go ahead and safely try this at home.

The Scales of Life....

2011-09-19T13:31:00.002+05:30

One of the great things about mid-life is that you've finally hit that average point in your life span, when the last 40 years and maybe the next 30 years of your existence kind of evens out.

It gives you that perfect space in life to settle down without any crutches, look back and front with no neck cramps, and mostly, contemplate deeply without getting lost in your thoughts and getting stuck in 'seniledom', and do the one act you've always wanted to do but denied the most - freely comment on the world at large with a minimum 50% accuracy, give or take few well-intentioned, but completely misguided advices (yeah, we've all been there, bungled that).

So, on that lousy, rotten statistical note, let's start rating you now.

Have you always felt how much our lives are constantly observed, evaluated and left hanging on random scales?

Looks like it's become compulsory need that whatever we're doing now or done in the past has to be measured on an arbitrary meter and the results shoved down our throats, even if we don't want them? Some, we surely need to make us more conscious and productive, some of them am not so sure worth bothering about.

For starters, we don't spare even new born babies, who embark their first journey into the world, grimly peeked, poked and duly noted down in an Apgar scale score. Then, starts the developmental milestones, weight and height measured in a percentile score, even before the kiddos reaches kindergarten, we have determined their IQs, personalities classified as extrovert or introvert, aggressive or passive, bright or average etc.

School is another story.

Here is where we peak as neurotic parents, teachers or caregivers and get all worried, obsessed and hyperventilate over marks, grades, SAT scores and of course, colleges ranked in prestigious order.

Well, questioning if our child is doing well or not relative to his/her peers is a great thing, but, constantly comparing and evaluating - nah, not so healthy.

Especially, if we're forgetting what genes they're forced to inherit. Those who've not been whiz kids themselves can kindly put those hands down, and go check the reality mirror. "What you see" is really, painfully "what you get" here - most of the times.

Personal body and health are the perfect dream of any statistician. Vitals, BMI's, Blood pressure, MRI's, Sugar levels, every tiny microscopic cells in the body can be measured in detail and analyzed to the core.

How about ratings/performance indexes at work? Self-assessments, personality tests that you've to subject yourself all your corporate life?

At home too, it never stops. We see our TV shows based on Nielsen ratings (or TRP's), read only books that make it to the Top Ten or articles that make it to peer-reviewed journals, buy only products rated by other consumers, select schools by their relative scores.

Or, even go to vacation destinations based on hotel, airline ratings. We buy houses, cars based on what our counterparts are buying. Goes on and on.

Why in the world we act on this huge leap of faith, assuming that a bunch of equally capable peers can give expert opinion on subjects which by the way, may be new to them too in the first place - beats the daylights out of me.

Whatever happened to the adventurous spirit, going on unknown quests or embarking on new territories? Is there anyone ready to be the pioneer? Hmm...no answers, but it's something to think about.

Still skeptical?

For those naysayers, I bet when you come to this last line, most of you would've mentally rated my writing into a scale of 1-10 and assigned a number to it.

Rest my case.

Messages & Messengers.....

2011-06-29T09:23:00.025+05:30

Have you realized that there's way too much information floating around these days? It almost seems impossible to get by an hour, forget about a day, that we're not bombarded with words around us. Visually, it's either the loud marketing messages when you're watching the TV, or the in-your-face pop-up ads (can block them all you want but they're there to cleverly "boo" wherever you go) when we're browsing the net or take even the billboard ads, posters, signposts staring at us when we get out of our house.

And, then there are the audio messages thrown, starting from those living with us like our parents, spouse, siblings giving an earful, or our teachers, bosses, co-workers telling us to do things better. I know i'm skewing on the negative side here, but honestly, how often do you hear anyone praising each other these days (except on the Utopian, fairytale world of FaceBook where everybody "likes" everything). I suppose some of this, we have to take blame. It's that immense urge to improve our quality of life, which makes us these perfect sitting ducks for anyone to pass comments on - the good, bad and the ugly.

Where am i going with this? Yeah. The point is that there's too much noise out there, which are drowning out the more important and crucial messages which we completely miss out. I'm talking about the big, wise, advisory, knowledge-transfer kind of deeper ones that comes our way once in a while. And, let's admit it, we're all not chiseled pieces of art, and could definitely use some trimming here and there, but the big IF is that these messages have to be constructive, and not deflate our fragile egos. They have to be tailored to our personality, suit our own sensibilities and made sure they sink into the brain. I know, tough, eh?

And, if you thought that was hard, even more peculiar is that it's crucial who delivers the message - the all-important "Messenger". You can have the world's most important and critical information all you want, but if you're not the right person, sorry times buddy. I have bad news for you. Yes, the stage is all set, the mike is ready. Of course, we know you've been bursting to speak since dawn of humanity. But, heelloo? Smell the coffee, please. And, come back to Earth. The stark reality check is that no one's listening. The seats are empty, the audience have left the building already.

But, no, don't give up yet. Salve your bruised ego, and save up all your speech. The silver lining on this otherwise gloomy picture is that you can still try your luck somewhere, with someone else. Why? Because it's also kind of weird how we humans process whom we decide to hear. We first identify and create our own imagery of who's good and who's not, based on our prejudices and past experiences. And, then use this critical information and proceed to listen to them with awed reverence or shut them out completely. So, there's still a miniscule chance that you'll find any life form that'll pay attention to your worldly advice. Ok, pitching in a piece of advice here - me thinks you should start your search right now.

Ahem, ahem....for the brave ones who made it to this last line....let me finish my very important, mission-critical message here....Quirky lot, aren't we?

One Hundred and Beyond....

2011-05-20T23:13:00.009+05:30

Honestly, I've no idea how I got here....but guess it is true. My 100th post already. Still hanging in cyberspace and no remote idea how. Or for that matter why.

It just seems like yesterday that "blogging" seemed like a natural extension of my "blabbering", decided to give a break to the poor jaws and let my hand do some venting for a change. Got a sudden urge to spare the rest of humanity surrounding me from my incessant and specific views of anything and everything.

Misery loves company, so i told myself - why limit the torture?

No, seriously, all this writing has been nothing short of a revelation and brought out a different dimension that i never knew existed in me before. I've thoroughly enjoyed this process and the complete freedom of speech that it reinstated.

It's sort of a liberation of untold magnitude.

So, to those of you who have a burning desire to blog and to others who want to but are dilly-dallying, i have this to say - just go for it!

The only capital you'll need is your random thoughts, a place somewhere on the World Wide Web and time to write. Cast away any inhibitions, let go of any hesitations. Language doesn't matter. No offence, but audience should be last thing on your mind. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and this is all yours. Period.

Before i get off the podium, i'm dedicating this post to my father, who taught me how to read and also learn to appreciate books of all genres from humour to fiction to philosophy and many different authors from Twain to Wodehouse to Emerson. Most importantly, he always encouraged me to speak my mind, be honest to myself and never accept things as they seem or hesitate to question any authority. Showed me that the art of life is to be completely self-reliant and be a "rough-weather" pilot during personal crises. And, how sometimes humour can be the only medicine to keep you from going insane.

Didn't realise until lately how all these powerful those words can be, especially for a shy, timid girl growing up in a traditional, orthodox society of the 80's India.

So, this one's exclusively for you, Appa.

Human Needs and Relationships......Part 2

2011-04-10T18:47:00.004+05:30

continued from part 1.....

Let's start from the bottom of Maslow's pyramid, which is Physiological & Safety needs. These are our basic survival ones like eating, breathing, clothing and, living under a decent roof. The human mind will come to grinding stop if these are not met, and you'll be unable to even think about the next level of needs. Don't believe me? Try dieting/fasting for a day, and you'll be amazed how your fat brain (please, it's a compliment) which used to process complicated thoughts like the greenhouse effect, looming elections, world economy etc. till the day before, can obsessively think of only one thing and nothing else now, which would be the magical, four-letter manna - FOOD. Anyways, these needs would probably come from the closest relationship of all, i.e. parents or caregivers. And, from an evolution point of view, would be our Infant/Childhood stage.

Next, is the Love/Belonging needs, which deals with our sense of being liked, supported and cared for. It's an extremely important need and if not adequately met, can have life-long implications of trauma, stress and countless hours of psychotherapy later on. On the other hand, cohesive family units and healthy friendships can create a wonderful security blanket, helping us to emotionally bloom and soar our wings. Parents, extended family, close friends are the relationships that feature a lot in this time span. This would be our Childhood/Teen Stage.

Moving to Esteem needs, which is simply, having good self-worth and self-confidence. To know yourself more and more, also being aware of your strengths and weaknesses. This is fairly crucial because it helps us to make better educational choices, career decisions, handling inter-personal gender relationships a.k.a choosing our mate etc. And, who give us these important morale boosters? Usually, it comes from teachers, mentors, friends, neighbors etc. See, am carefully avoiding the word "parents" here. Let's be honest. Any member of the general public or even someone living in remote hills of Tibuktu can say anything about us and we'd believe them in all honesty. But, one word of criticism from our parents. "Noooooo", we'd scream, rave and pant. Their comments would always land pit bottom on the totem pole. So, you can guess that this clearly this has to be the Teen/Young Adulthood stage.

Lastly, would be the Self-Actualization needs. This would be the culmination of all the other needs, and if you and me are still kicking and alive, would reach this top without any glitches or bruises. You're supposed to peak at this point, maximize your potential, unleash all hidden talents, go out there and be your best etc. Basically, attain nirvana, peace and go into a meditative mode. Ha, kidding of course. There should also be a halo around your head. If you want to know who helps you at this stage, the answer would be - sadly, no one. You're supposed to be on your own by now and take care of your big self. I know, very unfair, isn't it? Well, the only consolation is that a lot of your friends and family are in the same boat, so we can collectively grumble and share our woes. Sigh.

Human Needs and Relationships....Part 1

2011-04-01T12:44:00.016+05:30

Let's admit it. All of us as adult humans have needs, wants and desires. At first, they have and will be at a basic sustenance level of food, shelter and clothing, and once that's done, it moves to many different elevations above. Also, it always starts with material things like money, car, house, job etc., then kids (and the heavy price tag that comes with them) etc. Think of it as the "taking" phase. At some point of life, when many hairs have been "grayed-and-dyed" after, we hopefully evolve to higher-order thinking like social work, helping/caring for others or spiritual quest etc. - basically, chucking the hugely inflated and egoistic "me and only me" out and replacing it with a big picture view of "what i can do for others", "how i can be useful to Mother Earth" line of thought process. This would be the "giving" or "pay-back" phase. Sorry, life doesn't offer any free lunch, anytime, anywhere.

Well, you might be shocked to know if I came up with the above idea. I admit it's kinda very tempting to me too because it sounds so profoundly knowledgeable and immensely deep. But, unfortunately, every student of Marketing/Psychology would be familiar with this old, but fundamental Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs", so can't get away with this one. For those of you who decided to study atoms, light waves and 'gooey' body parts in school instead, the foll. pyramid explains it all-

This much is quite obvious and it's an open secret that Maslow's is the most-abused, beaten-to-death theories out there. So, what is new here? The psycho-social angle. Not much has been talked about it, as far as I know.

There is definitely a developmental curve pattern, directly related to age as you go up the ladder. With me so far?

Now, let's dive into relationships. Every single human being has a one-to-many relationship with others around him/her - be it family, friends, co-workers, neighbors and the rest of the general public. From cradle to grave, we have to be connected to others, whether we wish to be or not. You can love it or hate it, but gotta put up with it. Ok, that line is all mine - not great but it's the best one i could come up with right now :-) And, not all of us can have perfect relationships with everyone, it's plainly impossible. But, we genuinely try to have as many good ones and less of bad ones, at least to keep our sanity in tact. Right?

Now, finally getting to the connection. And, for that you have to wait for Part 2.

Coffee & Opinions

2011-03-11T13:28:00.024+05:30

There are two things in life i'm very passionate about - one, a good cuppa coffee and the other, any views or opinions (mine or of anything that walks on two legs).

Both are crucial to my existence, i'll tell you why. Without a heavy dose of caffeine in the morning, am nowhere ready to face the world yet - au contraire, hey, i see no one craving to see my crabby personna either. Fair enough. Anyways, I can go on and on about how coffee wakens my sleeping brain cells from yonder and beyond, how I'd have no problems living in a deserted island if only someone can supply my three cups every day (side note- for the wisecracks, thinking: how could coffee get there? Answer: I don't care, this is only a hyperbole and do me a favor, please don't think so much) or what i honestly feel about people who don't drink coffee (if forced to write about them, i'd be exceeding my expletive quota for this blog) - ok, hopefully, you get the idea by now.

Now, moving on to my other object of this bizarre relationship - opinions. Most people in the civilized world have them -on personal, social, political, philosophical, religious, almost everything under the universe. It's a healthy habit, to be strongly encouraged and shows that those gray matter at the top have actually been working. Some people hold it in and think it's a crime to share them with others, some come out with it after gentle, sustained prodding, and then, there are people that are waiting to tell you the minute you give yours, and the brashy ones that are loud-mouthed who don't have any clue how airing their views will affect their audience. You can see how it's a mixed-bag, with possibly extreme variations. I usually enjoy all of them, try best not to get judgemental if they're opposite to my own views, and especially savor the juicy ones that are doled out with a lot of emotion.

Aha, and now the connection. Both the above can be brewed and served strong, mild or lukewarm, it really doesn't matter. Somewhere the flavor, essence or soul does come out, with a lot of conviction. And, by end of the day, that's what makes my life complete.

Minding the language...

2011-01-19T12:35:00.004+05:30

So, the ability to use language as a mode of communication is one of the main differentiating factor between us and the rest of our primate friends. It gives us that crucial "one-up" to dominate the earthly scene, making us feel all superior. Of course, we easily gloss over the fact that some of us can share so many other traits with the animal kingdom - don't we have enough samples of sly foxes, wise owls, slimy weasels, scared chickens, sharp eagles, vain peacocks etc all around us? Makes one raise an important, poignant question: are we so different after all? Me thinks nah, not so much.

More on this topic, it's also fascinating that there are around 3000-6000 languages spoken by us humans around the world (as per our friend "Wise Wiki"). In India, even if you're linguistically-challenged like me, there should be an average of at least two languages acquired over a life time by each person (this is my own extrapolation, so please don't analyze it, think truckloads of salt). In fact, I've even been shocked by those who can't read or write but speak many languages fluently.

Now, where was I going with all of this? Ah, yes. Amidst all this diversity, what is intriguing about this is how people consider one language superior to another. Why all the fuss? The primary point of any language is to communicate, so let's just get the appropriate words out and be done with it. Most of the time, we all engage in redundant, repetitive or pointless conversations anyways, right?

And, i never, ever will understand why English is considered the "most classy" of them all, especially in India. 60 years after freedom, and we're yet to grow up. And, move on.

Walking the Talk....

2010-10-27T22:13:00.008+05:30

I'm very curious to know how many of us truly mean what we say and say what we mean. And, act on both of them in our everyday lives. Is there often a gap in between? If so, how wide or narrow is it? No, we're not talking about lies here. This is about how dramatically things could change from preaching to practice. Intentional or not. Let's plunge deeper into this interesting aspect of our society that many of us take for granted.

Here are some simple, everyday things that we wag our tongue about, but our brain kind of consciously overlooks when follow-up knocks on the door.

Be honest, Truth hurts, but in the end is better - No way! We "white lie" through our way most of our lives. And no, I would rather listen to lies than truth, especially if someone is commenting on my new outfit, thank you. End maybe better, but beginning sounds the best for now.

Don't talk behind someone's back - We know it's bad, especially hate it when we are the target object of the gossip. But, let's admit it. All of us do it, be around the watercooler in the office, at home, at a party, in a village, across the globe. The greatest leveller amongst us has to be this "verbal exchange of human interest".

Never judge anyone by their looks - Who are we kidding now? The first thing that strikes is a person's appearance, followed by money, social position etc. You can be a great person with a heart of gold, but it's your dress, way you carry yourself etc that gives the first impression. And sadly, for some people, race and color take priority too.

Money doesn't matter in life - Yeah right, only after you got it. Till then, in this day and age, it does matter. Unless, you're planning to practice sainthood in the Himalayas. Oh, wait a minute - you need cash to get there. Shoot, that option is out too.

On a serious note, let's cut ourselves some slack here. Maybe, most of the idealistic speech fails when confornted with basic survival issues of everyday. We like to hear them, and talk because we love to say them. But, walking them IS a different matter altogether.

And, if you think you're already jogging and don't need this lecture, you should be the happiest person on earth. That is if this quote is valid -

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony".- Mahatma Gandhi

On Blooming Late...

2010-09-24T08:39:00.002+05:30

Picasso’s greatest works came early; Cézanne’s came late.

Are you one of those classic"slow poke" types that took a really, really long time to grow up? Some one who everyone kind of gave up but made heads turn and people going "gaga" over you later on? Then, this is for you. Feel free to pass on this public service message around.

My honest belief is that all children are amazing works-in-progress who are on their way to a beautiful end-products, IF shaped well. And, who's to decide what is the appropriate age that's supposed to happen? I've always taken a strong dislike to those who think they can look at a child, and decide on how they're going to be a failure as an adult. And, what irks me further is how they voice their misguided prophecies to the children themselves, which can manage to destroy whatever self-esteem they have.

And, if the above doomsdayers happen to be your neighbor or a pathetic passer-by, you can brush them off and continue taking your time to mature. Remember, society admires and has time only for those who're obviously and actively doing something that smells or reeks of success. Best example would be the child who gets the best grades or excels at sports or an outstanding student whom teachers armwrestle to have in their class. After all, who wouldn't want to teach a A+ student, a potential winning racehorse, right?

What about the child who's left behind in the class, the one who takes a longer time to grow up is often ignored or end up considered to be a slob? Let's turn the focus on him/her. Probe the child further and find out their real strengths and inherent weaknesses. Then, create enough opportunities to work on both these areas, so that the child can bloom. Chances are high they'll make rapid turnarounds and surprise you sometimes with their ingenuinity.

Lastly, let's not forget that it's the tortoise who overtakes the hare, through patient hardwork and never-say-never spirit. Give children a big break, some time to grow up. Don't give up hope on them. Not yet.

Mothering Business....

2010-09-03T13:10:00.003+05:30

Quite a bunch, aren't we?

Not only burdened with the responsibilities of raising new-age kids who are high tech, but come with nope, not even a "Parenting for dummies" manual, managing a challenging and dynamic job-front, dealing with the social aspects of the family like being the perfect daughter, a good sister, the kind neighbor, a caring wife, dutiful daughter-in-law et al. Add the mundane chores of cooking, cleaning, gardening, chauffering to this list and - I know, my head is spinning too.

Easy now, let's sit down for a minute.

Most of the current gen mothers that I know take their diverse roles to their heart, and try to make the best out of it. It's business as usual for them. No big deal, they would brush off. But, I always wonder if we're all unconsciously trying to be "Supermums", especially the huge task of balancing work and home. We definitely want to be out having a career or a job which is what keeps us sane and yet, no way do we want to give up our "gathering" instincts to take charge of the family. If you can manage this whole circus show, good for you.

Congrats, you've just been promoted as the "Queen of Momdom". We salute you.

Often enough though, mothers choose one over the other, if that's even an option. And, only a few of them are happy and contended with what their decision. I never get why this has to be an "exclusive club", with limited membership.

What i've seen too many times, on both sides of the hemisphere, is the working mother getting those pangs of guilt when leaving a semi-sick child in the daycare or when missing her child's performance at school.

On the other hand, the stay-at-home mother wishing she can just wear decent clothes, pick up her bags and go meet some adults for a change instead of having to listen to the same nursery rhyme for the 100th time in a span of just one hour. Dr. Spock could "put a sock in it", for all she cares.

Ah, now the best part. The big thing I like about mid-life is you can give so many freebie advices to the world at large with the greatest of confidence. So, here comes one more:

Honest appeal to Mothers everywhere - Make the best use of the options available to you, and be happy in whatever you do, be it home, work or both.

Remember: No one gets brownie points for solving all the world's problems in one day.

All in the family.....

2010-08-26T20:37:00.006+05:30

Before I proceed any further on this kind of dangerous territory and literally asking for trouble, I'd like to proclaim to my immediate and extended family - "Please take all of this with pounds of salt....and, for heaven's sake, it's some X, Y and Z family. Not ours at all. We're the nicest people ever dwelled or going to dwell on Planet Earth." Now, read on.

We all talk about getting along with each other, team work, socialization etc and view it as an important element of our everyday life. Right? You take any situation, whether it's workplace, community, school or home as an example, and the most daunting task would be to make a group of people come to terms with each other, cooperate and do something productive. With me so far?

So, the rare, "enlightening" thought that struck me today is why is that we're not able to take those exact same lessons from our own families. Why do we choose to struggle or ignore most of the time, when the clues are right in front of us? Or, maybe just an annoying phone call away.

I view families as "microcosms" or a "little miniature world" of a larger, complex and heteregenous system of what forms a society. What it comes down to, is that IF you can manage and handle your own family which can include a cranky mother-in-law, a snooty aunt, that pesky cousin, a bad-tempered uncle, the wayward brother-in-law, competitive brother, irritating sister etc - you are ready to face anything in the world.

Oh, the good and nice ones matter too, but unfortunately, they don't teach you anything. They are just your buffers and rest stops, to help you go back to the tough nuts, who prepare you for reality. Ouch, that hurts.

History of a Lie....

2010-08-03T23:30:00.004+05:30

The lies told by Adolf Hitler to the then British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, when the two met just prior to the outbreak of war in September 1938, are famous. Hitler was secretly preparing to invade Czechoslovakia, and was therefore eager to prevent the Czechs from assembling a retaliatory force.

The Fuhrer assured Chamberlain that he had absolutely no intention of attacking Czechoslovakia, and the British leader believed him. A few days after their meeting, Chamberlain even wrote to his sister, describing how he believed Hitler to be '....a man who could be relied upon when he had given his word.' Chamberlain was so convinced of Hitler's honesty that he urged the Czechs not to mobilize their troops, fearing such a move might be viewed as an act of aggression by the Germans. The subsequent German attack quickly overwhelmed the ill-prepared Czechoslovakian forces, and led to the start of the Second World War.

The world might now be a very different place had Chamberlain been able to detect Hitler's lies during their fateful meeting.

- quoted from the "Quirkology" book, by Richard Wiseman

An European Soujourn....

2010-07-18T21:18:00.009+05:30

A piquant Paris -

Really old....around 14th century. But, preserved and refurbished, remodeled to appease a contemporary traveller. This is the first impression one gets stepping into the city. The serene beauty of the Seine river, the solemn Notre-Dame cathedral, the sprawling, garangatous old Louvre museum which holds most of the Renaissance paintings and sculptures in the world, a more modern Musee d'Orsay which boasts the numerous Impressionists paintings of Monet, Renoir etc, the beautiful Champs d'Elysees ending at the Arc of Triumph, the cute Parisian streets, of course the famous views from the Eiffel Tower - all look like they have been carefully fitted together like a jigsaw puzzle. Blue print for how a city architecture ought to be.

If you're a Dan Brown fan like me, you can soak it all up - the Pantheon, the androgynous Mona Lisa (or 'La Joconde' as the French call it), and the ugly, but significant Pyramid Inversee (remember the 666 glass panes) at the Louvre.

As far as language goes - brushed up all my high school and college French which felt like the perfect "immersion program" to be in. Also, realised that reading vocabulary is so different from speaking one. The accent was too fast, so didn't understand but tried to speak to everyone on sight. Well, atleast we didn't get stoned, that's a start :-)

What we missed - The Versailles palace, other museums in Paris, a lighted up Eiffel tower.

A Venetian dream -

It was like one.....any moment, i thought we're going to wake up and it was all going to be an illusion. The Grand Canal meandering around a small landscape, tall buildings on very narrow streets, gondolas riding on peaceful waters, quiet churches or in Italian "chiesas" everywhere, cute islands dotting the lagoon, shops selling exquisite glass ware, yummy pastries, chic restaurants - all something to die for. With my limited travel so far, rating Venezia as one of the most beautiful places in the world.

Water is THE way of life here - no surprise for a place that gave the world a famous pioneer, Marco Polo. I was quite impressed by the fact that no cars but not even bikes are allowed in Venice. The streets are so narrow they almost look like alleys. You have to walk or take the water bus to move around. And, after getting over the shock of glimpsing at the map which was more like a labyrinth maze leading to a sunken treasure, we decided to just toss it away, and keep going using the basic cardinal directions in mind.
.
The Italian cuisine was wonderful everywhere, and allowed for more vegetarian options which was a huge relief. Expresso coffee and special pastries were sheer treats for the gastric juices.

What we missed - The Lido beach, island of Toricelli

The remnants of Rome -

Imagine ruins. More ruins. Huge villas, fountains. Scaterred haphazardly everywhere both sides of the Tiber river. Now, imagine modern buildings, old buildings, a busy city with cars, buses, scooters and mopeds speeding breakneck speed along with this picture. That's the famous Eternal city for you. Dawn of Western civilization, birthplace of Christianity, a tumultous history of wars and bloodshed, tyrants and empires created and destroyed - all rolled into one.

Saddened by the savagery of gladiators in the Colosseum, cooled by the waters of the gigantic and a marblestone marvel in the Trevi or the 'Fontana di Trevi', awestruck by the paintings and the sculptures at the Vatican Museum, ashamed to have not read more bibliography before seeing the supreme works Michalangelo's Sistine Chapel - Rome to me, was a mixed-bag of emotions.

Tough city for a first-time traveller. Quite a rough crowd, roads being a pedestrian nighmare, constantly being aware of pickpocketers and frauds was a nagging pressure. Didn't find the food that great either, excepting the very tasty gelato or ice cream. Graffitti on walls everywhere was a eyesore too.

What we missed - The famous ruins of Pompeii, St.Peters Basilica in Vatican, the Appian way and the catacombs, the Roman Forum and the Pantheon.

The Gift of 'Gifting'....

2010-06-12T15:12:00.006+05:30

We all have given, received and returned or exchanged gifts throughout our lives. It's one of those inevitable, endless, at times dull social etiquettes that has been going on for many centuries, right?

In an idealistic Utopian world, gifts should be given without any 'quid pro quo' or any expectations in return, but in this real, greedy world......who are we kidding? Yeah, yeah, we've all heard the worn-out and cliched, "its the thought that matters" kind of saintly statements, but you better have high monetary standards for your thoughts, folks. Else, be ready to incur the wrath of some very hostile hosts for the rest of your social life.

Also, i've a honest confession to make. The people who have mastered this gifting technique have my full-blown, unabashed greenest envy. The way they enter a party or a house with a neatly, glossy-wrapped, present that looks like it's taken them years of thoughtful planning, makes me feel like a Neathandral woman attending a local feast, carrying in her hand the best wild boar ever caught by her hunter-man. So, i'm quite clear on this issue - some are too good at this, some are really hopeless at it and some like me can be classified as bad but trying to learn, sort of "juvenile apprentices" of this fine art.

In India, the protocols are even more complicated and confusing ever. There are some clear do's and dont's, but the rest of it is all vague and subject to so many subtle clues dropped right on your face or communicated through the family grapevine, whose members solely exist to carry this crucial information back to you. Some excuses are given if you plead under the "I'm an NRI, who doesn't have any clue" exemption, but beyond the grace period of one year....you're on your own. Cruel, ah? Why can't they make it atleast 30 years? By that time, i'll be too senile and won't have to care about these things.

Ok, now that I've scared you enough, you must be thinking about how to understand what this brouhaha is all about it. Ha, trust me, it's not that easy as it seems. So, as a service to society, I've decided to come up with my own manual (sometime in the next decade) or more like a, 'Gifting guide for clueless newbies who have recently returned to India'.

Check your 'Dunbar', please.....

2010-06-02T18:12:00.005+05:30

In a recent newspaper article, a British anthropologist Robin Dunbar has proposed that there is a theoretical cognitive limit imposed by our brain's neocortex, to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships. This is called 'Dunbar number' and approximated closely to 150. Interestingly, the number also includes past colleagues such as high school friends with whom a person would want to reacquaint themselves if they met again. This theory is now being extensively used for research into Internet social networking sites.

Makes sense, right? We might be tempted to greedily keep adding those "friend requests" on our social networking sites to long-lost people whom we haven't heard in zillion years and even to passers-by on the road, but please hold back those instincts, curb your enthusiuasm, or put a damp sock in it - at least if the list is getting out of hand. It's time to take a closer look at who's truly a friend or acquaintance whom you can have a cup of coffee with or carry on a decent conversation for 10 mts, and those you have no idea who they are or how they look like or how they landed up in your site.

No offence or being the sourest grape on the vine here, but when I see 400 or 500 friends listed on way too many Facebook sites, I get these strange instincts to track these people, knock on their doors and actually find out how many of those are "true" pals, how many are not, and also if any of them have been lifted from the local telephone directory. Especially, I have one burning question for the guy who has hit the max. Facebook number of, honest am not making this up, 5000 friends - "Excuse me, Mr.Sociaholic, have you gone nuts?"

So, please people, if you have way too many neocortex-exceeding friends in the cyberworld, at least be aware that the social scientists are not buying it.

Mixed 'Masala' - Part II

2010-05-23T15:00:00.009+05:30

The following content is purely a figment of my observation, and hopefully an unbiased, sort of warfront reporting of what's happening in the homeland. So, if someone is offended, well....don't take it personal, relax, take a chill pill...

On a heavier note.....

- If you love diversity, variety or sugar and spice in your life, this is the place to be. More so, if you choose to stop and savor every minute of it, you start noticing the subtle yet rapid changes that are happening in a dynamically changing society, of today's India.

- The role of media has undergone huge transformation, atleast from what it was a decade back. Open debates and political discussions, exposing scandals and trying to get the truth out of "shady" matters are welcoming changes, but in this process a lot of focus is given on sensationalism and the media getting into a "witch-hunt" mode. My take is, we're in the process of refining the 'fourth estate' and taking our time to get to a more mature and responsible media.

- Movies and movie stars, cricket and cricket players are two powerful groups that rule the roost in India. Everything they do, talk or don't talk make the headlines. This is true be it in villages, cities, metros or amongst educated, working, student groups. Two very influential and never-to-be-underestimated power groups.

- The techincal advancements in our medical system have been super fast and meeting international benchmarks. Hospital care, doctor credentials, access to health care have improved leaps and bounds. But, affordablity is better only when you compare to the West, it's still an expensive option for a developing country like ours.

And, as a huge believer of Alternative medicine, it's wonderful to see Homeopaths and Ayurvedic practioners co-existing under the same roof as Allopathic doctors. I was always pained to see pharma drugs being "shoved down our throats" in the US. I strongly consider it an insult to our intelligence if we can't choose how we want to treat our bodies.Why can't other healthcare options be offered? Where's the freedom when we want it?

- The education system in India is surprisingly not evolved as much as it should have, from what i've seen so far. Sporadic changes have happened, but overall the approach is still the same - learning is still a means to the end, and not a path towards gaining knowledge; school is a place for churning out apprentices for assembly-line jobs, not a powerhouse for creating entrepreneurs or scientists or creative thinkers; and yes, you're still considered a whizkid if you turn out as a "doctor" or "engineer" out of the school system.

- Taking advantage of a modern Indian's eagerness to make quick solutions to everyday problems and a readiness to compromise on any morals and ethical codes of conduct, the breakdown of a joint family system which has created a vaccuum and leaving behind its members isolated, and a confused society at cross-roads between East and the West - new age Gurus and quack Swamis are mushrooming every nook and corner of the country, in alarming numbers. Still maintaining its place as a spiritual capital of the world, India is undergoing a lot of changes in this area.

- Increasingly, travel has become a trendy hobby for many. Weekend getways, holiday destinations local and abroad are more and more popular now than before. The tourism industry is a fast-growing service in India now and the quality is improving vastly, thanks to better roads and flights, online booking, staying facilities etc.

On a personal note -

- Overall, there are clearly two dimensions that emerge - you see an older gen. still reeling under the remnants of the British "Raj" and struggling to run the country in their own way (after all, democratically we're only 63 years old young and learning to govern the hard way), and the current gen Y, who are sounding very confident about themselves in some ways, but also grappling to get an identity of what being an "Indian", or what is "India" is all about, amidst the Western hoopla around them.

- Our 'emotional quotient' seem to be permanently stuck on top gear. It's not surprising that Indian soap operas have very high TV ratings be it North or South. Movies, news channels and comedy shows all seem to be screaming and animated - even on the mute mode. Maybe it's a reflection of our own lives, which are never in shortage of dramatic or exaggerated expressions.

- Families seem to in a transition phase now, with "nuclear units" becoming more and more common, especially in cities. From what I've heard so far, arguments for this seem to be - the prohibitive cost of living, shrinking of living spaces (from houses to apartments), and an urge for parents to focus more on their childrens' education. Arguments against this seem to be - stress on child care with two parents going out to work and no one being home, a pyschological sense of feeling lonely (the social animals that we are) and mainly, parents going into an obsessive, aggressive, and "trying-to-raise-superkids" mode.

Signing off,
A Very, Proud Indian....Jai Ho....

For Mixed 'Masala' Part I, please go to

http://www.jaya-randommusings.blogspot.com/2010/02/mixed-masalapart-i.html

"What's in a name?....

2010-05-17T19:47:00.011+05:30

"That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

These are the words of Juliet, in Shakespeare's drama "Romeo and Juliet". I'm no huge fan of the Bard (the "thees" and the "thous" are huge put offs for "mees"), but relish the depth in some of his messages which strike a chord and makes you think about life on an elevated level. Anyways, this quote means we should not be bothered about how people address or call us because no one can change who we are internally. Names are mere ornaments to our existence (if you have the time to think metaphors) or plainly, like name tags in an office meeting (if you would rather sky-dive off a steep cliff than think about such wordy stuff)

To interpret this more in present day terms - Juliet says (be very clear, it's not me) that you shouldn't take things seriously, when someone verbally assaults you. Be a Rock of Gibraltar or a stand like a statue of Buddha, till the person runs out of their expletive vocabulary or you get tired of your stoic pose and chase them around with a stick, either of which is fine with me. Juliet is the one who'll probably get offended, but who cares, really? Trust me, she has plenty of problems on her hand already, dealing with the silly Capulets and the sillier Montagues.

Back to my topic.

We're not going to have a literary discussion here (i take those collective lots of relieved sighs as a huge hint), but going to talk about Names. You know - our sole identity as a "homo sapiens" in the human race, the thoughtful bunch of words that parents or families or extended families are forced to come up with when we start our evolution in this world, those clever, catchy, religious or new-age ones that people have brainwaves of, and the frustrating ones that doesn't matter how much time or effort you put in, you always end up with your children hating their names and wish they could change them or ask you in a sarcastic voice, "Is this the best you could do?" Yeah, the same thing.

And, not kidding but you can try stretching, shortening, cleverly disguising or anything else you want - it's hard to get rid of your name. I know I have tried it many times, no luck whatsoever. It just manages to follow me everywhere. Worse scum comes off much easily than my name. Really.

On a serious note, it's fascinating how much we take our names for granted, but it's not that simple. Our names conveys nationality, religion and in India caste too, how old we are (popular ones spread like wildfire) etc. There are some famous, powerful names that are etched in history books - Einstein, Newton, Gandhi etc. To add to the list, there are aliases, screen names and pet names too.

So, Mr. Shakespeare, there's a lot to a name - A rose may not care much and throw a rosy smile at you even if you call it a common "dandelion" or a stinky "corpse flower", but it's serious business for our species and that includes you, Mister.

Slam the Slogans......

2010-05-11T23:15:00.014+05:30

Pssst...If you have travelled around in the US or have an elementary school kid, go ahead. Else, stop....brush up on US states and its geography a little bit, then proceed - at your own risk.

There's a reason why slogans exist in the first place -

To promote the United States tourism and attract gullible visitors whose sole aim, is to do the foll:

A. Blow up their hard-earned, life savings on expensive entrance tickets to garangatous amusement parks, to watch grown adults dressed in ridiculous costumes;
B. Buy trinkets which always look so classy in the shop, but seem dull and ugly when you plant them in your curio shelf, and eventually lands its way in the trash;
C. Indulge in fragile, but good and expensive memorablia that somehow manages to break down into small, tiny, unglueable pieces of glass particles the minute you come out of the souvenir shop.

Yawn...whatever....ok, we agree on the need, on some pathetic level. But, why come up with inane slogans that sound as if they are a permanent material for laughter clubs? That's what peeves me most. And, by the way, i don't have any bias towards any of the great American States, so, here goes the list in random order-

Idaho's slogan - "Great Potatoes"; "World Famous Potatoes" >> Ok, ok, we get it...but is there anything in Idaho besides the tubers?
Nebraska - "Possibilities...Endless" >>What, where, what kind of possibilities? And, no kidding.....in Nebraska?
New Jersey - "Come See For Yourself" >>"See" how close one can commute to a more famous, more hep, more glamorous - New York?
Connecticut - "Full of Surprises" >>Really, that's surprising!
Oklahoma -"Oklahoma is OK" >>Well, that's a huge confession, and yes, we agree....
Wisconsin - "Escape to Wisconsin" >>Think there's a typo, should be "from" and not "to".....
California - "Find Yourself Here", formerly, "the Land of opportunity" >> Let's rewrite that one as "Find yourself here, with huge taxes" or "the Land of no jobs, no money, not that many opportunities". That was too easy, thanks Arnold.
North Carolina - "A Better Place to Be" >> "Better" than what, South Carolina?
Rhode island -"Unwind" >>Yeah, one can unwind.....but if one unwinds and stretch the legs too much, one will land up in Massachussetts or Connecticut. So...hello, we have a problem?

Now that i've made full use of my sarcastic abilities and irked people living on most parts of the continental US, i'll be nice and kind and write down some of the good slogans, that truly reflect the true character of the states they represent.

New Hampshire's - "Live free or die"
Massachussets - "The Spirit of America"
Vermont - "I LoVermont"
Minnesota -"Land of 10,000 Lakes"
Maine -"Where America's Day Begins"
New York - "I Love New York"

Just keep all of this mind when you make travel plans, especially if you really, really want to go to Missouri or Montana.

Beating the Blues...

2010-05-06T22:37:00.014+05:30

These are a few of my favorite things that I do when I'm feeling sad. No, it doesn't involve the rain or the roses. Why? Because those kind of happy endings happen only in movies. In real life, if you decide to mess with Mother Nature, what are the odds of singing while getting drenched in a downpour - without sneezing even once or smelling the roses - without getting stung on the nose by an angry bee who was just minding his own pollinating business? Trust me, pretty high. So, without much further ado, here are ten tips that could help spruce up your dull days.

Sorting through old photographs and trying to remember the events that took place at that moment and place, recalling the tender moments or hilarious ones. I love to dig out treasures from my mothers' pile of photos, every time I visit my home.
Walking down the "nostalgic" lane, if you're lucky enough that your neighborhood stays the same and not been knocked down by newer construction. It's nice to trace your favorite haunts, where you and your friends used to hang out together, played or travelled along.
Catching up with old friends in school or college and talk about the goofy, awkward things which can sound so absurd right now, but seemed like crucial matters of life and death at that time. Teen acne, nerdy glasses, not-so-fashionable clothes, boy/girl crushes - you get the idea.
How about visiting an aged relative, recollect about the older, when you were younger times? Of course, chances are that the most embarassing moments of your child hood, like tripping and falling during a play in front of the entire school audience or how your dress got ripped in the middle of a wedding party etc could be rehashed all over again. Which could come as a shocking surprise, because all along, you were thinking and living in "La-la Land" that no one would remember such small trivia, wherein the stark reality is that the whole incident has been laughed, mocked and has been part of the family entertainment all these years - behind your back. Well, how do you handle this situation? Think of it as inexpensive therapy. It helps a lot.
Talking to your own parents about grown-up issues, is a very soothing experience too. After all, you can discuss matters of the heart on a equal footing now, because you have accumulated enough life experiences to finally tell them, "Yes, i have done it and no, what you said didn't actually work for me". Or, whatever you want to get out of your system. Again, think therapy.
Now, my favorite one. Duck the diet, turn blind to the nutritonal facts and caloric values (staring at them all along hasn't helped anyway, right?) and bring on the chocolates, sweets and the pastries. Just pig out for a day, see how the world looks brighter and you become cheerful once the sugar starts sinking into your system. SideNote: Don't try this every day, else you could have scientists swoop down to your house to try to tap your hyperactivity and convert it into the next renewable energy source. Hmm, which is actually not a bad idea, can someone take note and do something....puhleeze.
Spending quality time with the family, listening to your kids talk about the latest "cool" craze with their friends can give you a good break from the drone.
Getting out of the house. Taking a long walk, maybe go window-shopping at the nearby mall or shop.
Reading a book, listening to music, watching a movie in the theatre or channel-flipping on the TV- there's a reason these are good, time-tested boredom busters.
Finally, do nothing. Zilch. Nada. Just taking a power nap, a doze and you can be back to original self in no time. Not a great tip, but I had to come up with something to reach up to ten. Whew, made it.