My Thoughts on Modern Life

Songs of the Forest

2013-06-06T16:22:00.001-05:00

The flowers bloom beneath the foliage

Sounds of spring welcome the creatures

Begging them to come out and enjoy

Streams flow along peacefully

Fish swim happily, relishing in the warmth

Squirrels run along taking and hiding their acorns

Slowly the forest comes to life

Green grass sprouting up everywhere

Prairie dogs run from hole to hole

Birds fly above the trees looking for a place to settle while they gather leaves and twigs for a nest

Knowing that winter will be blowing through

Children see all the animals and wonder how it would be to be one of them: In the water like a fish or like a bird soaring on the clouds

Their imagination takes over as they run and play

(Written by Amy E. McCoy 2001)

http://www.123rf.com/photo_9864339_forest-scene-with-various-animals.html

"J"

2013-06-06T16:08:00.004-05:00

Well it's like I want to see you, but you are too far away.

What is there to say about you...no words express you.

But I will still try.

You are very sweet and clever.

You make me smile and I hate to see you go.

I hope I am good enough for you.

I want to make you happy and see you glow with joy.

I want to hold you when you need a shoulder to cry on.

When you need a friend or a lover...I am here.

When you need understanding and comfort...then call on me.

I want to please you and I want you to please me.

I don't want to change or dictate you.

I accept you for who you are and that will not change.

I want you to be loyal and loving...nothing more nothing less.

(Written by Amy E. McCoy 2000)

http://www.letstalkdatingonline.com/home/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/love-man-woman-silhouette-sun-sunset-sea-lake-beachother1.jpg

Fantasy

2013-06-05T17:57:00.000-05:00

Floating on this sea of joy
The ocean crests near me
The shoreline appears so far away
After a long boarding schedule
Dancing around this fire of love
The flames move heavenward
The warmth draws us near each other
The flickering illuminates our creativity
Soaring on this cloud of bliss
Covering us with complete happiness
Ecstasy running over our bodies
Holding onto this fantasy as long as possible
As you kiss me sweetly

(Written by Amy E. McCoy 2000)

The Light

2013-06-05T17:42:00.001-05:00

How can you tell someone how you feel when you don't know?
How can you love someone when you can't love yourself?
How can you be normal when you don't know what it is?
How can you be happy when you have never been?
And how can you tell if you are happy?

What is your greatest sin?
Is it your ungrateful attitude?

How can you tell when you really know someone?
You may think you do, but then they do something to shock you.
Is that what you call knowing someone?
Can you never really know someone if you don't know yourself?

So many people have so many vises that bind them.
What is yours, and can you break free?

If you knew the dark side of your soul would you be disgusted?
And if you knew others darkness would you be afraid of their potential danger?
We are all human -capable of love an hate.
Some show more love while others show more hate.
To be a healthy person they say you must face your demons and destroy their influences.
It is a dark task to break your habits and learn better ones, but it is not impossible.

Hope is a virtue that I possess too much of.
Faith is a virtue I need to recover.
Contentment is something I have hardly ever felt.
Love is somewhere in the shadows lurking around me, but I can't find it.
Hate is an emotion that my desperation feeds on and the vileness increases.\

If I am supposed to be a light then I need a new bulb!
Cynical of my own faults I can't move past the pain.
Everyone wears a mask to hide their true selves.
To disguise their pain, misery, agony, disappointments, secrets, lusts, love, and rage.
It is a procedure that should be avoided, but we can't remove it.
The greatest tragedy we face is not being truthful to ourselves and others.
What will it take for our hearts to be free?
Or our souls to be mended?

(Written by Amy E. McCoy 2000)

http://www.photography-match.com/wallpapers/4054_the_coastal_lighthouse/

Roller-Coaster

2013-06-05T17:04:00.003-05:00

Women are complicated, a puzzle, a mystery.
To discover who she is takes time and patience.
I am thinking that she is worth the wait.
I have so many wishes that surround my mind.
Castles in the sky-dreams and desires.
I am still holding onto her words.
I cherish them; they replay on my mind.
I don't want to play her games anymore.
So I have to move on.
If she is interested she will have to make some effort.
I am not going to chase her anymore.
It is not fair to get my hopes up or to allow myself to get hurt.
She has taken me on a roller-coaster ride and I was a willing passenger.

(Written by Amy E. McCoy 5-2-09)

http://0.tqn.com/d/cleveland/1/0/s/s/-/-/corkscrew.jpg

Destiny

2013-06-05T16:55:00.004-05:00

Once I walked down a path that was dark and treacherous.
That path was overgrown with deceit and thievery.
The thorns of delusion were laced with vile poison.
I carried this cross with a mighty burden of shame a tow.
You placed upon me guilt that was not mine.
Your legacy is one of despair and I will not share it with you.
I will not carry on in this twisted plot to ruin innocent lives.
Your evil will stop with me.
As a result I wear these scars.
At least no one else will have to suffer as I did.
I control my destiny now.

(Written by Amy E. McCoy 6-5-13)

At The Dog Park

2013-06-01T19:34:00.001-05:00

Garamond is welcoming a Yorkie with his typical bark ambush combo.

Self Destructive

2013-05-22T11:31:00.001-05:00

I get so tired sometimes; tired of trying. I guess I've been needing this break down for a while now. I've been hurting for a long time.

I was a scared, angry child struggling to feel safe and looking for balance. I have never had balance or stability for a long period of time. I am not accustomed to being happy with someone for a long period of time either.

I'm afraid that I can't pick myself up again, but I know that I have to. There's a voice inside my head that is negative. I don't know where all this self destruction came from, but I have to ignore it. I don't want to live my life unhappy. I don't want to feel this lonely and broken anymore.

(Written 3-19-13)

http://www.besthomecaremn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/bigstock-Woman-Depressed-Series-27249164.jpg

Emotional

2013-05-22T11:07:00.001-05:00

Garamond is keeping me company while I sit on the floor writing. Today has been emotional and I’ve been avoiding it all day. I don’t want to deal with it, but I have to.

My present life isn’t hard exactly, but dealing with my past is. I have to find the source of this torture. Maybe in some weird way I am looking for a place to belong - a family of my own. I have an overwhelming fear of everything. I fear the unknown, of taking risks, and failure of any sort.

I battle myself everyday and have to make myself do little stuff to help my confidence and get over these irrational fears.

I just want to forget and be happy, but I can’t. I want to escape and not think about all the bad stuff that happened and made me cry.

My family crumbled, fell apart, and I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t help them. I needed them and they were not there.

(Written 3-19-13)

It’s You

2013-05-19T09:03:00.006-05:00

Sometimes my inner child gets scared and I want my mother. I need her to be there and tell me that she loves me. I only want to feel her love. I need her to comfort me, but that is a feeling that I rarely felt. All I ever needed is her and she is all that I don’t have. I hurts to feel unloved and I don’t know how to be okay with feeling like an “orphan”. I guess that I miss my mother that I grew up with, but that mother is gone. I felt like I begged her to love me for years - Then she gave up. I don’t think you should ever have to beg someone for love.

How am I supposed to move on? As usual I have to counsel myself and heal my wounds. I should be accustomed to it by now. You neglected me my whole life. Why should you ever change? I resent you for all the unnecessary pain you put me through. I don’t need you to give me money, support my bad habits, raise my kids (even if I had any), all I need is your love.

I am not like the rest of your kids, but you don’t seem to care. I don’t want to hurt over you anymore. I feel like I torture myself, because you don’t try. I’m tired of feeling not good enough for you, because I am. You’re a damn stubborn fool and can’t see it. I can’t save you, but I can’t help but hurt over you. I have to move on, because it is killing me to dwell on the past. I can’t do anything to help you. I know I can’t tell you goodbye, but I don’t have to hurt either.

The holidays are always hard, because I miss you when you actually cared. All I ever wanted was a family that cared about each other. There is nothing wrong with me. It’s you.

(Written by Amy E. McCoy 12-13-10)

http://theunboundedspirit.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/loneliness.jpg
http://animalnewyork.com/2013/science-proves-that-loneliness-can-be-deadly/

My Voice

2013-05-17T08:12:00.002-05:00

I need to use my voice and my point of view to examine my childhood. How did I feel as a child? I felt neglected, unimportant, abandoned, ignored, hurt, scared, and invisible.

I wanted to be a part of the team, to be heard, to take part in a positive way. I wanted my family to live in harmony and there to be a sense of togetherness. I seen so much fighting, anger, tension and I felt so much negative energy. It was an intensely crippling feeling that I carried around throughout my early years.

I learned how to be a chameleon, but in the process I lost my own sense of self. I have to regain or find myself amongst the debris of all those shattered dreams and lost memories. My innocence and self confidence was taken, because my confidence was never built as a child.

I compare myself to my sister and brothers like my mom did, but that is not helpful. I am nothing like them and never will be. I rose above all those ill intentions and immature behavior.

I wanted to be safe, happy, and matter to my family as a child. As an adult I realize that I can’t have that relationship with them. I still dislike this fact, but I can not change who they are. Accept that I can change only me and repair only me and do what makes me happy.

I want to accept that I owe my family nothing and vise-versa. What is done is done and can not be changed. I expect them to apologize or know that they wronged me, but how are they going to know if I don’t tell them?

I have to believe in myself, because no one else is going to. It starts with one and that is me.

http://www.wallpaperstop.co/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Gladiator-Russell-Crowe-Maximus-Warrior-Shout-342.jpg
http://fallenpixel.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Shout_by_kerembeyit.jpg

Drift

2013-05-16T14:46:00.001-05:00

The beginning is the end.
The middle is the halfway point where we must decide what to cling to.
Every path has obstacles and there will be debris strewn along the way.
I don't know where I am supposed to be or what I'm supposed to do.
Am I looking for someone to lead me?
I can't seem to stay in one place for very long.
The open trail calls for me to travel and explore.
These small villages can't keep my attention for long.
No piece of earth can hold me down.
I do not know what is expected of me from this small minded peasants.
I am afraid I will always drift, but am I lost?
http://www.hdwallpapers.in/walls/heaven_path-wide.jpg
http://l5r.wikia.com/wiki/Ki-Rin%27s_Path?file=Ki-Rin%2527s_Path.jpg
http://www.wallsonline.org/path-to-the-sky/

My Boys

2013-05-14T11:11:00.001-05:00

Here are my two boys, whom are so very spoiled. They are both adopted and rescued to live a happy life.

Garamond

Garamond was adopted December 6, 2012 from a shelter in Arlington. He is a (beige, white, and apricot) 3 year old terrier mix. I think he is part Cairn Terrier and Yorkshire Terrier, but I am unsure.

He is 10 pounds and full of energy. He likes to laze about in his crate and to nap throughout the day. He is smart and barky, because he has a lot to say. He loves to gain someones attention while on long walks by barking. He loves babies and children, not so much adults. I am thinking that maybe he was abused.
He gives the best puppy-dog eyes when he wants something - it's adorable. Garamond loves dogs and the dog park is his favorite place to go.

Archie

Archie is a (brown, beige, and black) one year old terrier mix. I think he is an Irish Terrier and Cairn Terrier mix, but I am unsure. Archie was adopted from Paws in the City on May 4, 2013. He is 12 pounds, but feels like 15. He is very stout and active. Oh and he also loves to nap, but her prefers the couch. He loves to play and is so very loving. He loves children and adults.

Kimbra - Settle Down

2013-05-06T13:56:00.001-05:00

Good song. Kimbra's voice is nice and her lyrics are very interesting.

Bright Future

2013-05-05T21:14:00.003-05:00

Nature has a way of singing to our souls. Their lyrics lace our lives with its sweet melody. The mountains call to our inner selves. A part of us longs for the freedom that lies at its peak. When we are
fortunate enough to look over the landscape below we cherish the view.

The clean mountain air nourishes our souls deeply. At the end of a long day we all need to feel like we have accomplished what we set out to do and if we are successful we should rejoice.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed and we should live as happily as we possibly can. We should always plan for a bright future, because tomorrow just may be bring the answer you have been waiting for.

http://miriadna.com/preview/lake-in-the-mountains
http://miriadna.com/preview/mountains-and-lakes
http://www.hdwallpaperspk.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Mountain-Wallpapers-for-Desktop-in-HD-Resolution.jpeg

Abandon Myself

2013-05-05T13:25:00.000-05:00

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Stooping low to hide behind the bed

Hoping no one can see me

I fear, but I know what will happen

One more time to abandon myself

One more time to separate myself from this terror

I know later I will forget

I will go on like nothing happened

I can go outside and play

At night I know I will cry

I wake up crying, but in the morning I can go to school

I have to believe that everything will be okay

I can push the bad thoughts away

I try to think of all the fun stuff I want to do

I dread going home to listen to the fighting

Everyone is always upset.

All I hear is the screaming, and these painful memories resound in my head

I cover my ears and pretend not to hear

I am terrified someone will hurt each other or me

I can’t watch the violence anymore

(Written by Amy E. McCoy 11-8-06)

Still Primitive Beasts

2013-05-05T12:34:00.005-05:00

Thoughts elude me as I recognize the numb within. I care not to ponder yet still seek something more. To what end do we exist, a topic I will no doubt ponder for years as I have for many years still.

My mind is restless and my thoughts formless no shape, no design, blank, void, Do the cosmos offer any clue? I shall think do. Man may never unlock the stars; do we know too little, and can comprehend the like.
All strive for knowledge, understanding, and more ways to approach the hypothesis.

Once we thought that the earth being the center of the universe, now believes the sun is the center. No doubt we may revise that theory as well.

Of all the advancements we still are brutal, primitive beasts that grow strength in the senseless slaughter of each other.

I do not advocate the wholesale slaughter of innocents, but I see very few innocent. I find no established government or officials’ innocent. It is the laborers broken back that support this corrupted system.

I weep not for the politicians’ or wealthy men. I weep for the hungry, beaten, and downtrodden. It is they that are directly affected. The rich buy freedom while the poor must fight for it. The human condition is a sad one.

We call ourselves civilized, but we have not changed our biology remains the same. Fear the educated for they deliberated cause strife. The ignorant know not what they do; the repercussions can be deadly and infinite. This forethought is unbeknownst to them. They retaliate as animals would and can only be pitied.

It is the educated men that strike a man down with a pen – that is what we call civilized. They do not need to shot and bleed a man physically. To crush an enemy’s hope is far greater than to crush his body. It pains me to see such abusive behavior. The blatant twisted force of power to enslave the masses disgusts me. Men do what fancies them and to hell with the rest. They do not care fro the others that suffer for their sake.

I weep for the long-suffering and meek, but I tire of carrying this burden. My resolve becomes weak at times yet my lineage is strong.

Once my ancestors ruled over nations, owned lands in the mother country, fought many epic battles for freedom, but now I am left with none of their privileges, I am like one of the peasants they once ruled.

How I was born out of era, too soon or too late I am uncertain. Many matters pain me intolerably. I find myself utterly misplaced in the shuffle.

(Written by Amy E. McCoy 1-23-06)

http://feinobi.deviantart.com/art/Palpatine-s-propaganda-poster-299270516

Words Heal

2013-05-01T22:22:00.001-05:00

I am dedicating this post to poetry that I have written during a tumultuous time in my life. I grew a lot as a person over a long period of time. I had so much soul searching to do.

My journey began in a place of dysfunction surrounded by a horde of barbarians. I grew to be a cautious observer.

The goal of this post is to possibly help someone who has also felt the same way. If you read through all the poetry I have written you will definitely see a pattern. I feel like I was put on this earth to help as many down trodden and lost souls as possible...and I don't mean that in a religious sense either.

You can comment on any post at any time from anywhere!

I would be very happy to hear from you.

http://etc.usf.edu/clipart/28600/28644/penquill_28644.htm

Nifty Non-Traditional Journals

2013-04-30T22:36:00.005-05:00

Tree Journal

Castle Doors Leather Journal

Classic Italian Journal

Feather Journal

Bird Journal

Leather Bracelets

2013-04-30T22:18:00.001-05:00

Anchor Bracelet

Bangle Bracelet

Fish Hook Bracelet

Triple Wrap Bracelet

Bravelet Bracelet

Giles & Brothers Bracelet

Braid Bracelet

Steel Hook Bracelet

Miansai Anchor Collection

Dezeen Watches

2013-04-30T21:50:00.001-05:00

Dezeen Watch

"Dezeen Watch Store visits New York this week: a selection of our most popular watches are on sale at the WantedDesign pop-up store from tomorrow until Monday 16 May."

Void watch

"WantedDesign is a new event taking place at La Venue, Terminal Store, 11th Avenue & 28th Street. Dezeen Watch Store will present bestsellers from our collection including the Uniform Wares 100 series (above) and the VOID V02"

Android Smartwatch

"He added: "Smartphones are getting bigger and bigger. People are afraid they'll lose or break them. Now you can leave your phone at home."
Users can remove the SIM card from their phone and put it in their smartwatch when they go out, van den Burg said, or buy a second SIM card for their watch.
Van den Burg added: "Android is much easier to use than [Apple's] iOS. Android is what people use around the world".
See all our stories about watches and all our stories about wearable technology. See Dezeen Watch Store for a selection of the world's best designer watches."

San Francisco Bay Area Guide

2013-04-28T14:33:00.003-05:00

San Francisco Guide

Check out my work on Behance!

Asgard

2013-04-28T13:55:00.001-05:00

Asgard

Check out more of my work on Behance

Knives

2013-04-28T10:27:00.001-05:00

Dark Ops Knives

Double Agent II

Gerber Obsidian

McClain Knife

Here are a few examples of awesome knives that I have located online. Their features are unique and they all have a function. I would have to say that the McClain knife is probably the most ornamental, but the other three could be taken camping and used in survival situations. The Gerber Obsidian could be an awesome EDC(every day carry) knife.

Review: Flipside Wallet 2X

2013-04-27T16:03:00.001-05:00

This wallet is cool because it is plastic and flexible. It also has many layers with an easy to slide out feature.

Check out more info on youtube.

http://youtu.be/936L5Hz7zeE