My Tri-Polar Blog

It's a new day, hackers suck

2026-07-24T10:13:12.040-04:00

Hello - i lost access to this account due to a hacking attack that forced it to be locked. i haven't been able to login for 5 years despite emails and logging tickets to gain access over the years. today I just decided to take a look at the blog and it had a sign in button, i clicked on it and it let me in without a password. a miracle!!!! i hate hackers. i work in computers and technology and if your hacking into people's accounts you need to get a job. i am so happy to have access back. it's a new day. now will it work tomorrow, who knows. hope everyone is doing well and all your email, blog, and other computer accounts are unhackable. Peace out, Shannon

December Gray with Christmas Blues

2021-12-07T19:35:00.000-05:00

This holiday season has snuck up on me. I find myself missing the holiday spirit and my brother. A year has passed since he died so very quickly. Dad is lonely without him. He has no one to complain and stump with about the current poltical climate. He is into the "alternate news". I just think there are more important and interesting things in this life to talk about then politics. It is all the same with politicals. All the fighting and finger pointing. It is always the other parties fault. No one ever accepts responsibility or takes accountability for their actions. And you can never get anyone to change their mind; they think they are always right, so what is the point; I find life blah right now. I feel redundant! I see this world full of light, gray, and darkness. The scale is always moving between the good and the evil, never in balance, never staying still, never at peace. Always at struggle, I am always struggling to keep ahead of my own demons. I am struggling to stay hopeful. I have started to take care of my health again, after neglecting it for all of 2020. I am on new diabetes medications, a new diabetes meter, working on eating healthy, and even going to the dentist for the first time in 6 years. I will have to take a day off for the dentist; having my teeth cleaned gives me a migraine. It will be a journey, my health, a day to day journey with no end. The thought overwhelms me, but I must try....

Pancreatic Cancer sucks!

2020-12-01T15:49:00.003-05:00

My brother died one week before thanksgiving this year from pancreatic cancer. They found the spot on his pancreas one week after our cousin died in January and they gave him six to nine months, he lasted nearly 11 months. He was always stubborn, I am having such a hard time talking about him in past tense. I have a constant knot in my stomach, I can't eat, but I need to eat, but nothing sounds good. I miss him, I love him. I hate that he died at 52. Our Mom died at 48. Our Aunt, her sister, died at 47. It's all such a fucking tragedy, that so many in our family die so young. I worry about my Dad, he's had to bury both his parents, his wife, and now his son. It's nearly too much for a good man to bear. He looks so tired and weary. He's 76 now, he used to seem so young and invinsible to me. And now, I find myself wondering if his heart will just give out from the grief. I feel like my own heart is just going to collapse from the sadness sometimes. This year has been so very cruel to us all, hasn't it? Lock downs, quarentines, viruses, cancer, death, disease, divorces, it's bringing out the worst and the best of everyone. The world has made so much technical progress and made so little personal progression. My brother wasn't perfect, he had many flaws, but he was a fierce friend, loyal, passionate, and when he loved you, he loved you with his whole heart. But damn, when he got pissed off or angry, it was black and white, on or off, there was no middle ground with him. Dad could always calm him down, and he was always sorry afterwards and would just move on like it never happened. The doctor's said it was because of the aneurysm he had at 22, that should have killed him then. Only 1 out of 4 surive that, so he was a walking, talking miracle for 30 years. He leaves behind a legacy of love and hope, two children, and four grandchildren. And a hole in all our lives where we know he should be. God speed my brother --- I love you!

Life Goes On, and is bumpy!

2018-08-15T14:35:00.001-04:00

Well the dissolution process has begun.
And it couldn't be more confusing.
All of it's electronic and i keep filing crap incorrectly.
and get that's wrong, sorry, should have been clearer.
So hopefully, sept. 12th brings a dissolution and then i'm back to single.
Not that i think it is anything to celebrate
i am going to stay single.

I am enjoying my down time.
I am seeing a chiropractor for my migraines.
I am more active in my church.
I am happy.

It's so nice to not just feel empty and depressed.
Everything still hurts and I'm still dying, but hey, it's not all bad.
We all take a step towards death every second of the day.
I am ready to sit back and just see what life brings.

Hope can bring happiness.

Friday and Ancient Aliens

2018-02-16T12:22:00.000-05:00

I love Friday. I get a donut, a dr. pepper, and i watch Ancient Aliens all day while i work and then after work.
It's simple. It's lovely. It's my life these days.

I am still married. Why is it more expensive to divorce then to get married?
My marriage license was $50 and to file a dissolution is $250.
I feel like it never ends, the probate of my Husband's Mother's estate.
The dissolution hasn't even been filed yet.
And then i had to file bankruptcy to save the house.

I feel blessed I am able to stay in my house, eat, and be clothed.
I feel frustrated that i can't shake my depression, even with medication.
I hope once the probate and dissolution are completed i will feel lighter.
Right now i feel i have a mountain on my shoulders.

Well that was fast aka the honeymoon is over before it even began

2017-03-28T14:53:00.001-04:00

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate liars!!!
I hate people who lie.
Especially after I have been really nice to them.

My husband's kids have a real problem with lying.
They do it habitually and think when they get caught they should not be punished.
After Thanksgiving, the 2 youngest kids decided to go live with their bio mom.
My hubs had a complete melt down.
There was a huge argument between him and the kids.
Both kids lied and said horrible things about me.

One of the kids said I slapped them.
I haven't slapped anyone since the 5th grade.
The other accused me of trashing the house.
I had tripped and broken a bowl earlier that day.
I have never had people tell such horrible awful lies about me before.
It really hurt my feelings.

My husband had to be hospitalized for his mental health breakdown.
The bio mom swooped in and took the kids and has had them ever since.
She has a restraining order against my husband.
He is all mopey and has reverted back to self destructive behavior.

We didn't even get to go on a honeymoon for crap's sake.

Now we are selling the house he inherited and everything in it.
But the bills on the house will swallow up 75% of the money.

I am just so over it.
I am over his pity party.
Ever since this happened he acts like he doesn't have to try anymore.
He doesn't go to therapy.
He barely takes his meds.
He lies to me repeatedly.

We have been married barely 6 months and I'm ready to get a divorce.
He's drinking again.
He acts like he's 18 instead of 37 but if I say anything to him about his immature behavior I'm the bad guy.

I knew I shouldn't have gotten married again.
I totally ignored my gut instincts, my promptings, and even total strangers warning me not to marry.
This sucks.

Ever After Has Begun

2016-10-11T15:42:00.000-04:00

What craziness is this?
We got married at the end of September, over a month after his divorce was finalized.
Not much changes when you marry.
We have coitus now but everything else is pretty much the same.

I was thinking we wouldn't make it down the alter.
The day before we married we found out the man that was supposed to marry us had a invalid marriage license.
His name was wrong on it and it had the wrong church on it.
Who knew there was a Church of the Latter Day Dude!
DUDE!!!!

So we had to scramble and find another man in our church that was authorized to perform marriages.
I don't think he and I have ever prayed this much.
But the day of the wedding, 5 hours before the wedding, we found out we had someone to marry us.
We sealed the deal with a kiss that afternoon, took pictures, and ate food.

Note to self, there is no such thing as a small and simple wedding.
All Weddings are a pain in the butt.

Now we are settling down into the Ever After part, trying to figure out how to make all the pieces fit,
and being okay when something doesn't work.

It's a journey and it's one that will never be perfect, but we have each other and I hope that will be enough.

Why Do We Need a Savior?

2016-06-24T12:53:00.000-04:00

I was asked to give this talk in my new church ward. Here it is.
Why do we need a Savior?
Good Morning Brothers and Sisters. I’ve been asked to give my perspective on the question “Why do we need a Savior?” this morning for my talk. I started by asking myself what is a savior. A savior is a person who saves something or someone from danger, or one who brings salvation.
President Henry B. Eyring said “Our Heavenly Father loves us. He sent His Only Begotten Son to be our Savior. He knew that in mortality we would be in grave danger, the worst of it from the temptations of a terrible adversary. That is one of the reasons why the Savior has provided priesthood keys so that those with ears to hear and faith to obey could go to places of safety.”

After Adam and Eve broke God’s commandment not to eat from the tree of knowledge and were forced from the garden of Eden and cut off from God’s presence forever we’ve been in danger. We inherited their exile.

President Ezra Taft Benson said “When our Heavenly Father placed Adam and Eve on this earth, He did so with the purpose in mind of teaching them how to regain His presence. Our Father promised a Savior to redeem them from their fallen condition.”

We are cut off from our Heavenly Father’s presence, but thankfully, He knew this was going to happen as he knows all things, and He had a plan, He gave us a Savior. Articles of Faith 1:3 – “We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.”
Elder Dalin Oaks said “The world needs a Savior. All people need to be cleansed from the effects of sin and to return to the presence of God.”
We are full of flaws, born of imperfections, and God knew this and he knew we would sin again and again. Heavenly Father knew we’d need to be clean to live with Him again, so He sent a Savior to sacrifice himself for our sins, for our mistakes. “For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive” (1 Corinthians 15:22).

I know the pain of my own mistakes. The hurt I feel when I make those mistakes and break God’s commandments is painful. I couldn’t imagine feeling what our Savior felt; all the pain, all the hurt, all the sins of every person that will ever exist all at the same time and doing so willingly to fulfill the plan of salvation, to be our Savior. “For it is expedient that an atonement should be made … , or else all mankind must unavoidably perish; yea, all are hardened; yea, all are fallen and are lost, and must perish except it be through the atonement … an infinite and eternal sacrifice” (Alma 34:9–10).

Jesus gave his life for all of us not only to do Heavenly Father’s will for the plan of salvation but I think to culminate his teachings around universal love, tolerance, forgiveness, and pacifism. We need Jesus as our Savior so we can be saved and return to live with Heavenly Father. 1 Nephi 13:1 – “…that the Lamb of God is the Son of the Eternal Father, and the Savior of the world; and that all men must come unto him, or they cannot be saved.”
Elder David A. Bednar said “The Savior has suffered not just for our iniquities but also for the inequality, the unfairness, the pain, the anguish, and the emotional distresses that so frequently beset us.”

He willingly and passively gave up His life without resisting or fighting His killers. He told the truth and exposed corruption and evil, but did not resist or fight it physically, as He had advised many times in his teachings. “But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

Jesus lived His entire life by example, including His death. His very death is His final lesson on achieving salvation through sacrifice. Jesus purpose as our Savior was to bind up the brokenhearted, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27; to intercede for us with God so we could return to our Heavenly Father, John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life; no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”; and He is to give rest to our weary souls. “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” Matthew 11:29

C.S. Lewis said “He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less.”

Our individual salvation is not something that is a one-time deal; like boom you’re saved and DONE! Our individual salvation is and will be an ongoing process until we die because we will continue to fall and sin until we die. This is why there is the process of repentance. "You may in time of trouble think that you are not worth saving because you have made mistakes, big or little, and you think you are now lost. That is never true! Only repentance can heal what hurts. But repentance can heal what hurts, no matter what it is." - President Boyd K. Packer
Even President Henry Eyring said “Death is not the end; it is but one more step in a great forward march made possible by the redemption wrought by the Savior. This is the spirit of true science - constant and eternal seeking.”

Salvation doesn’t have to be some huge moment, it is a journey. Most of us will move towards it slowly, day by day, moment by moment. Elder Randall K. Bennett said “We fail only if we fail to take another faithful step forward.” We need to learn to listen to our hearts instead of our egos, to choose love over hate, or when we sacrifice instead of take, or when we our selfless instead of consumed by our own desires, when we choose the right without hesitating that is when our on-going journey towards Salvation takes a step forward. The more we focus on doing what is good and right the easier it will become to do good and make right. “For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.... But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:6, 8)

Also President Boyd K. Packer stated, “The mercy and grace of Jesus Christ are not limited to those who commit sins either of commission or omission, but they encompass the promise of everlasting peace to all who will accept and follow Him and His teachings. His mercy is the mighty healer, even to the wounded innocent.”
My last Sunday with the 2nd Pickerington Ward I was asked to sub in the primary for one of the 6 year old classes and the kids were learning a song for the Easter sacrament meeting. I was truly moved by the Spirit as they sung Gethsemane, Jesus Loves me. They sung with such a solemn reverence that only such little honest innocent hearts can do. This song simply puts so many reasons as to why Jesus was our Savior and why we so desperately needed him.

Song

Jesus climbed the hill to the garden still.
His steps were heavy and slow.
Love and a prayer took Him there
To the place only He could go.

Gethsemane. Jesus loves me.
So He went willingly, to Gethsemane.

He felt all that was sad, wicked, or bad
All the pain we would ever know.
While His friends were asleep He fought to keep
His promise made long ago.

The hardest thing that ever was done
The greatest pain that ever was known
The biggest battle that ever was won
This was done by Jesus, the Fight was won by Jesus.

Gethsemane, Jesus loves me.
So He gave His gift to me, in Gethsemane .

I’d like to close with my testimony, I know this church is true, studying for this talk, searching the scriptures, the doctrine, and the ensign; I was enriched by the word of God and it brought me comfort and peace. I know the scriptures are true. I know Jesus is our Savior.
I leave this with you humbly in the name of God’s son and our savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Engaged But No Closer to Married

2016-05-12T10:09:00.000-04:00

We got engaged Valentine's Day weekend. Cliché I know, but it is a funny story.
He made steak, shrimp, twice baked potatoes, baked asparagus, and for dessert there were chocolate covered strawberries.
Since he used the indoor grill he kept setting off the smoke alarm so the fired department came twice.
My daughter thought the 6'6" fireman was HOT!!!
The first time they came out he hadn't proposed yet.
The first time he proposed he did with a ring pop. It was cute! And the girls' had told me a real ring was coming later, so I was cool.
The second time the fire department came out he had proposed with the ring pop and they thought that was funny and sweet.

After dinner, he took me into his grandma's in-law suite to do the real proposal.
It was box inside a box deal, there were a total of 15 boxes.
I was getting tired of all the boxes, but each box had pictures and quotes from facebook from our relationship.
and he had a poem he got on-line that was geek love poem that he had me read.
The ring is an antique looking blue diamond accented with white diamonds and hearts on the side in white gold.
It's beautiful and it was a sweet well thought out proposal.
He said his Dad proposed to his Mom the same way.
I said Yes.

All the kids were there and they put the video on facebook.

We've been together 10 months now and we still have no wedding date set.
We wanted May 4th since it's international star wars day and I thought he could remember that as our anniversary;
But his 2nd wife won't sign the divorce papers.
It's getting ridiculous.
They've been separated since Dec 2011/Jan 2012.
She lives in a different state.
She has a live in boyfriend or something like that.

We've sent her the papers 4 times now.
She holds on to them for weeks, loses them, sends them back with "corrections".
He has no assets, no money, nothing for her to take.
I think she's just being a pain in his ass because she can be.
It's frustrating.

If we could move forward and start making wedding plans I think it would help with some of the kids' anxiety.
And help with some of his stress.
We've sent the papers back one more time and if she doesn't sign them this time we have to get and pay for an actual lawyer.

I'm getting just exhausted from all the ex wife drama!!!

The Wacky, Weird, and Werewolf

2015-12-29T10:38:00.001-05:00

So me and my geeky guy went to see the Force Awakens, he was practically vibrating with excitement.
He made us go to the mall at 6:45, I kept telling him the movie didn't start until 7:50.
He kept hearing 7:20, sheesh.
I had already spent 5 hours at the mall with his kids because it was his daughter's birthday weekend.
We got her nails done and his other 2 got pedicures for the 1st time.
She forgot to get a birthday dress for her party the next day.
So we had enough time to go buy a dress and we didn't even miss the previews!

This family is NEVER on time to ANYWHERE!
it's insane!

I wake the middle girl up 2 hours before we are supposed to leave and she's still the last one ready.
She's the last one to do anything.
She is SLOW doing everything.
She never finishes her food.
She wanted Mexican food, she ordered a chicken sandwich.
She leaves unfinished food EVERYWHERE!
My kid found an unfinished turkey sandwich tucked in the back pocket of my passenger seat of my car, GROSS!

And they ALL bite!!!!
No that is NOT a typo, lol.

The oldest girl says she's part werewolf.
We were sitting in an old church on a tour and it's all quite and peaceful.
She puts her head on my shoulder all sweet and innocent like and picks up my arm and just bites me HARD!
And I was like, OMG, as quiet as I could, what was that for, and she goes, a love bite to accept you into our pack!!!
LOL!

The boy is a too funny.
He loves shoes as much as my kid does.
The 2 of them go into a shoe store and I can't get them to leave.
He can't tell girl tennis shoes from boys tennis shoes.
My daughter had to go this section is for vagina's and this one is for penis'.
I don't blame him for being confused. The crazy colors do make it hard to tell and it's not like it was clearly labeled.
He will spend ages polishing and scrubbing cleaning his tennis shoes.
He wanted a $200 pair of tennis shoes and another pair of $300 work boots, he doesn't work!
You ask him to do chores and he looks like you as if he's suddenly gone deaf and mute.

I do love all 3 of them. I really do.
Quirks and all, and believe me they are quirky kids.
My man is all weird too.
I think that is why we are so perfect.
A perfect wacky, weird, and totally (werewolf) well-suited family.
Wait till my dad tells the kids the wolf story!!!

Love and Star Wars

2015-10-30T13:45:00.002-04:00

Well, it has been awhile, and I have a new boyfriend, like around the time I last wrote.
It's going good. He is a HUGE Star Wars fan!!!!
He is my kind of geeky, lol.
I am totally in love with him.

He has 3 teenagers, 2 girls and a boy.
He does live 2.5 hours away.
So it is hard to get to go see him.
I have joined snapchat and instagram.
My kid was very proud of me.

His mother passed away at the beginning of October so it has been crazy busy.
His grandmother just turned 92.

His youngest daughter is turning 16 in December and wants a kitty.
She did want a baby sibling, but I told her I'm fixed and she quickly recovered with I want a kitty!!!

He RUBS MY FEET!!!
Now that's a keeper!

He gets me flowers every time I come to visit.
Lily's this last time.
Wild flowers before that.
Roses the first time and I told him I don't like roses and he remembered!

He is funny.
He is my pumpkin!

The kids can be exhausting.
There's always something going on.
My kid is in college so it's a different pace with teenagers.
I had forgotten how much chaos there is.
But they are good kids and for the most part they get along.

I'm super happy!!!!!

We have had many adventures together.
I will try to post a few here soon.

Saying Goodbye to a Good Man, Dadaw

2015-07-13T09:04:00.000-04:00

It's always hard to say good bye. It seems even more difficult when you are saying good bye to the last of a generation.
The kid's great grandpa, her Dadaw, past away at 85.
There's only one other great grandparent left.

Dadaw was a good man.
He grew up in a different time.
His childhood home had no electricity, running water, internet, or appliances.
The kid would DIE if our house was missing any of those.
It was amazing to see all of his kids, grand kids, great grand kids and great great grand kids gathered together.
He truly was a blessed man.

He was quiet, dignified, kind, thoughtful, and when he said something he meant it.
It's hard to find people like that anymore.
He never rushed or hurried.
He really took his time to do things.
He was patient with everyone, especially his grand kids.

The last few years he had begun to suffer from Alzheimer's and was having trouble remember all the grand kids especially.
He had fallen and broken his hip and had to go into a home to rehab.
I just don't think he was able to recover from that.
The kid works in a nursing home/rehab facility and she sees elderly people go downhill quickly everyday.
She was so upset, she'd just gone down to visit for the 4th of July and hadn't stopped in to see him.
Everyone told her he wouldn't have recognized her, but she still wishes she had seen him.
They said he was doing fine and would be out in a few weeks instead she came home on Sunday and he died on Tuesday.

I told her she has to let go of that regret.
I know I have that with them Mom.
It bothers me to this day that I came home from the hospital.
You just don't know when people are going to die.
You can't guilt yourself over things like that, it's pointless guilt.
I told her to forgive herself.
Dadaw knew she loved him, just as she knows Dadaw loved her.

His love for his kids and grand kids was never in doubt.
He was so proud of all of them.

Yes, it is always the most difficult to say good bye to a good man.
We miss you Dadaw!

The Good Samaritan

2015-07-02T12:17:00.000-04:00

This is my talk I gave in Church on the Parable the Good Samaritan.
The Good Samaritan – Luke 10:29-37

Most of us are quite familiar with the term the Good Samaritan. We use it frequently. There are hospitals named Good Samaritan. There have been books and movies named the Good Samaritan. There are now even Good Samaritan laws which offer legal protection to people who give reasonable assistance to those who are injured, ill, in peril, or otherwise incapacitated.[1] The protection is intended to reduce bystanders' hesitation to assist, for fear of being sued or prosecuted for unintentional injury or wrongful death.

And it all originated from a parable from the bible in the New Testament Luke 10:25—37 that Jesus used to answer a question from a lawyer. And that is what I’ve been asked to give my talk to you about today is the parable of the Good Samaritan. I’m going to review the parable and then go over two main ideas of it, the first idea of mercy and service and the second idea of it representing the plan of salvation.
A lawyer asked Jesus a question, what shall I do to inherit eternal life. Jesus responded to him what where the most important commandments, his response, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself. Jesus said that was correct. But then the lawyer asked Jesus, who is my neighbor?

And that is when Jesus used the parable of the Good Samaritan to describe who our neighbors are.
I’m going to paraphrase Luke 10:29-37

A man traveling on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho was attacked by thieves; they stripped him of his clothes, beat him, wounded him, and then left him for dead.
By chance a priest came by but he didn’t stop, instead he went to the other side of the road and past the injured man by.

Likewise, a Levite, when he came upon the injured man and looked at him, went to the other side of the road and passed him by and did not help him;

But a Samaritan on his journey, saw the severely injured man and felt compassion for him and went to him. He nursed his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them and put him on his own animal and took him to an inn and took care of him. And the next day when the Samaritan went to leave he gave money to the host and told him to take care of the hurt man and if he spent more than what he had given him he’d repay him when he returned.

Jesus, than asked the Lawyer which of these 3 men was a neighbor to the man that was attacked and hurt by the thieves, the lawyer answered the one that showed him mercy, and Jesus simply said, Go and do likewise!

I did not now this but back in Jesus’s time the road from Jerusalem to Jericho was called the “The Bloody Pass” and was extremely dangerous. Jerusalem is 2100 feet above sea level and Jericho is 825 feet below sea level, the road that connects them is winding and ample with opportunities to ambush people. Also, the people of Samaria, aka, Samaritans, did not get along with the Jews during Jesus’ time. Samaritans were seen as less than human and were often mistreated. The fact that Jesus used a Samaritan as the good person in the parable was quite radical.

The word “neighbor” in the Greek means “someone who is near,” and in the Hebrew it means “someone that you have an association with.” This interprets the word in a limited sense, referring to a fellow Jew and would have excluded Samaritans, Romans, and other foreigners. Jesus then gives the parable of the Good Samaritan to correct the false understanding that the lawyer had of who his neighbor is, and what his duty is to his neighbor.

Martin Luther King Jr’s thoughts on the parable were this -
“… "I imagine that the first question the priest and Levite asked was: 'If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?' But by the very nature of his concern, the Good Samaritan reversed the question: 'If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?”
The parable shows on its first look a story of compassion, mercy, and service. A man stopping to help another man who has been injured and needed his help and he simply did what was right.

Maybe the priest and the Levite felt helpless, fearful the man was faking, or the robbers were nearby waiting to ambush them as well.
Maybe the robbers needed to feed their families by taking from the man they attacked and they were desperate with no other options then to hurt this man.
Maybe the man that had been attacked, only had his clothes and took this dangerous journey alone because he felt despair and had no more hope left.
Maybe the Samaritan was trying to change the opinion others had of his people in his time, of them being resented by others by the going against stereotypes.

If we shift our perspective to each character in the parable you see the story take on different angles. There have been times in my life where I’ve been afraid and helpless. Times where I have felt desperate and I have through careless words or actions hurt friends or family, and I have also felt despair and lost hope. And then there have been other times where I’ve been kind and reached out and shown mercy and compassion to my fellow man.

I decided to think upon this parable and think back on my life and try to remember any examples within my family of being the Good Samaritan and the more I focused and thought back I was taken by how my parents lived this parable and I didn’t even realize because it was just the normal way of life in the household.

We always had people that were in between places to live staying with us while I was growing up. One time the two neighbor boys’ mother went to get milk and she didn’t come back for 3 days. She had dropped them off just to play for a little bit while she went to the store get milk and we didn’t see her again for 3 days. Dad and Mom took care of them. Didn’t call the police and had a talk with her when she got back and after that they moved to Illinois to stay with their dad for a couple of years while their Mom got help. I was 9 I had no idea why it was taking her so long to buy milk.

My Mom and Dad were always helping people from big things, to small things, to family, friends, to strangers. We lived in the country with a lot of curvy roads and people would lose control of their cars and my dad would get the truck and go pull them out of ditches and bring them in the house and pour rubbing alcohol on their cuts. Sometimes they didn’t want an ambulance, cops, or tow trucks called for various reasons. So we’d patch them and their cars up if we could, Mom would get food and coffee in them and tell them to slow down and pay attention next time.

One of our closest childhood friends even moved in with my Dad while he was going through his divorce. I asked him why he hadn’t moved in with his own Mom or Dad as they had nicer houses. The house I grew up in has always been old. Mom always had Dad tearing down walls. I think the Kitchen has been 5 different configurations. The Living Room has been a bed room then a living room at least 3 different times and so on. He said yeah they have nice houses but you’ve always had a nice HOME!

My parents lived the Good Samaritan parable by loving everyone as they loved themselves as they loved me and my brothers. Every person they met they treated as their neighbor. My mother had a smile, a wave, and a laugh for everyone she met. She never knew a stranger; which sometimes drove my Dad nuts as she truly could talk to anyone and keep on talking. My Dad, though not as talkative, would never hesitate to offer his help to anyone who needed it, stranger, family or friend.

I’m thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me my parents.

Gordon B. Hinckley wrote in Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes, “It is not enough just to be good. We must be good for something. We must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for our presence. And the good that is in us must be spread to others. This is the measure of our civility.”

My Dad told me he wasn’t sure if he and Mom had been good parents until he saw my brothers and I as parents; it was when he saw that we were kind, loving, patient, and helpful to our own children that he knew he and Mom had been good parents. I told him, you and Mom weren’t good parents, you were great parents, to us, to our cousins, to our friends, to the neighborhood kids, to the kid at the grocery store whose dad hit her across the face with his car keys and you picked him up and slammed him against the wall and told him if he ever did that again you’d break him in half. You are the example every father should strive to live up to. I’ve seldom seen my father cry and it’s usually been when someone we’ve loved has passed away. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and hugged me and said simply, today, I needed to hear that, Thank you, Sis! It is one of the few times I’ve ever felt I’ve actually helped my Dad with anything instead of him helping me.

C.J. Jung said - “You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.”

The 2nd interpretation of the Good Samaritan parable is one that was common in early Christian faith of it being a metaphor for the fall of man. I found several articles a few by Brother John Welch on this idea of the parable. One article called the Good Samaritan & Eternal Life, explains the characters of the parable like this, “The man who was going down is Adam. Jerusalem is paradise, and Jericho is the world. The robbers are hostile powers. The priest is the Law, the Levite is the prophets, and the Samaritan is Christ. The wounds are disobedience; the beast is the Lord's body, the Inn, which accepts all who wish to enter, is the Church. And further, the two denarii mean the Father and the Son. The manager of the stable is the head of the Church, to whom its care has been entrusted. And the fact that the Samaritan promises he will return represents the Savior's second coming.”

This studying of the parable shows it as an allegory of the plan of salvation. I didn’t even think of this 2nd layer to the parable until doing some praying for guidance in my talk and then changing what I was typing into my google search engine to include eternal life along with the parable's name turned up the articles.

The man never makes it to Jericho. He had to have the Samaritan’s help because he couldn’t make it in the world without him. Just as we cannot be saved without the savior and his atonement to bring us home to Heavenly Father. I believe Jesus is the Samaritan. But I think more likely we are the ones on the side of the road. And Jesus is the one who picks us up and gets us on our feet again and binds up our wounds and bears our burdens when we cannot carry them anymore. Jesus is the one who takes us to a place of safety and makes a home for us and He promises to return when the time has finally come.

Another article in the February 2007 Ensign called The Good Samaritan: Forgotten Symbols again by Brother Welch in which he states, “In His parables, Jesus taught the essentials of the Father’s plan of salvation. As a type and shadow of this plan, the good Samaritan places our deeds of neighborly kindness here in mortality within the eternal context of where we have come down from, how we have fallen into our present plight, and how the binding ordinances and healing love of the promised Redeemer and the nurture of His Church can rescue us from our present situation, as we serve and live worthy of reward at His Second Coming.”
To love one's neighbor as oneself is defined in scripture as having eternal life, or the very life of God Himself coursing through one's actions, thoughts and words. 1 John 3:14 states - "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death."

I’d like to close with my testimony, I know this church is true, studying for this talk, searching the scriptures, the doctrine, the ensign, I was enriched by the word of God and it brought me comfort and peace. The memories from my childhood, especially of my Mother, whom I miss so much, that I hadn’t thought of in a long time and had honestly forgotten were a true blessing. I am grateful I was given this talk by the bishopric. I say these things in the name of our savior and God’s son, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Hostile Wildlife

2015-04-20T10:25:00.000-04:00

Finally, it is nice enough to go outside and be in the fresh air.
I want to walk. I want to work on the yard.
And everywhere there are bees, wasps, and just hostile wildlife that I am highly allergic too.
I sprayed the bushes, the windows, every nook I could find that they would want to build a nest.
But I couldn't sit out on either my front porch or my back patio because there were so many of them.
It sucked!

I'm going to have to spray again tonight since it rained again.
I just can't have wasps, bees, and the like building nests around the house, mailbox, and bushes.
I get stung and it is bad!!!!
The neighbor kid mowed on Wednesday and by Saturday it didn't even look like he mowed at all.
I have a dandelion sanctuary growing in my yard.
I think they are beautiful, but there was almost 1 bee per dandelion.

The dog kept chasing them.
I kept telling her stop, bad bug.
She just looked at me, like I can get it.
Last year she stepped on a bee and got stung in her paw.
Poor thing kept limping around licking her paw.

I can't spray my whole yard.
I am going to go this weekend and see if I can put something on the grass to kill the dandelions.
Something that the dog won't try to eat.
I might have to keep her off of our grass a couple of days while it works on the dandelions.
I just want to enjoy my yard without fear of being swarmed!

Vacation Musings

2015-03-23T13:50:00.000-04:00

We went for a in state vacation, just me and the kid.
We only went 2 hours away back down to where we used to live.
Sounded like a solid plan.
The place has an indoor water park.
There are tons of places to shop.

We'd visit family, shop, relax in the water park.
Simple, easy, relaxing.
No, No, and HELL NO!!!

I warned my kid there would be REAL children EVERYWHERE!

This place has an indoor waterpark, duh!

She thought the kids would just be in the waterpark.
They were all around the place, the halls, the foyer, the stairwells.
There are these wands they can buy and go on these adventures in the hallways.
We almost got whacked with some wands.
My kid who is a full grown adult and now was ready to kill some real children.

It didn't help that the kids were rude, pushy, and ran over you to get where they wanted to go.
And most parents were no where to be found.

It was not a peaceful place to stay, but she had her mind made up she wanted to stay there.
We could have stayed at her aunt's for free and just gone shopping.
There was one adult area, a hot tub, that teenagers and even 1 small child snuck into.
If my kid was say 5-11 years old it would have been the perfect place to take her.
But it was miserable.
There were children running around like crazy all hours.
The hallways were so loud you could hear through the walls.

I slept 14 hours when we got home.
All did when we got home was sleep and do laundry.
She was cranky the whole trip and I've been cranky the whole time we've been home.

I told her next vaction she is on her own.
she can take a friend and go all by herself.
I'm not paying that kind of money just to listen to her complain the whole time.

My back still aches from how soft the stupid mattress was!

And my kid has restated she is NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER HAVING CHILDREN LIKE EVER!!!!

The Cough Continues....

2015-03-02T10:11:00.000-05:00

Bronchitis is the bitch that won't leave me alone!
I finished my antibiotics and my coughing fits are getting further apart but they are more intense.
I just can't shake them.

Now when I cough it is so intense I get light headed and I see dots and swirls of light around me.
I have lean against the closet firm object, like a wall or desk to keep from falling over.
I have to find water and a cough drop once the coughing dies down to keep it from stoping.
My kid is sick again and I told her if she passes this back to me I'm going to hurt her and I mean it!!!!!
I have been sick non-stop for the past 3 weeks and I'm exhausted.
I haven't been able to do anything, working out is impossible because I can't breathe.

I'm going to start on the exercise bike tonight and I haven't been on it since 2/12.
This is going to hurt!
I figure I'll peddle for 5 minutes, stretch, do 5 minutes more, stretch, and then do 10 minutes, stretch, and then 15 minutes.
That will get my 30 minutes in, but I know my legs and lungs will be burning!
But the doctor told me not to exercise with bronchitis.
So I listened to her but now I've finished the antibiotics almost a week ago and I feel much better so it is time to get back on it.
I just hope it doesn't trigger a stupid coughing fit, they are awful now and nothing comes up anymore.
It is almost like my lungs just seizing up because they got used to it over the past couple of weeks.
This brutally cold air hasn't helped.

I'm so ready for warmer temperatures.
No matter how I cover my mouth and nose I can't stop breathing in the cold air.
And I can't avoid going outside, I go to work, the dog wants walked, and the air is so cold.
I love winter, but I love to look at it more than I love to be in it anymore.
The chill just makes me sick all the time now.
My bones hurt along with the rest of me.
I know I'm getting old now.

So Close and So Sick!

2015-02-12T13:06:00.001-05:00

Had a blast at Raw! Got to see Roman Reigns getting ready to make his entrance.
Turns out when I'm nervouse I say everything in my head out loud.
That got a smirk out of him.
I turned into a mushy teenage giggly school girl, I really did.
I even ooooohhhhhhddddddddd and aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdddddddddddd!!!!
I was just trying to hurry up from going to the bathroom to get back to my seat so I wouldn't miss his entrance.
Seeing him prepping to enter was cool and unexpected and I geeked!!!

What wasn't so fun, walking through the freezing temps from the kid's parking garage spot.
We froze there and back and it took way more than 10 minutes.
But we did meet a fellow female wrestling geek fan and we are going to money in the bank with her in June.
I know I know I know, we are are hopeless, but you got to love doing something right!!!

Tuesday I slept all day, sick!
Headache, fever, sneezing, coughing, so sad and oh so sick.
Of course, my kid had been sick Sunday and Monday.
So I spent Tuesday and Wednesday with it.
She had to take tylenol and cold meds just to get through Raw.
And she had to let me drive us home because she didn't feel well enough.
She had be my GPS though because she knows the way and I don't.
Plus, she said with her headache she couldn't handle my constant nagging of her driving.

I don't think i constantly nagged her while she drove.
I merely commented on the speed, her level of fiddling with everything (radio, cell phone, etc...)
She doesn't keep her hands on the wheel at all.
She's always messing with stuff and moving around the front of the car!
How has she kept from having an accident i have no idea.
She waits till the last possible second to brake!
The drive there was nerve racking for both of us, lol!

YES I HAVE CONTROL ISSUES!!!!!!

Monday RAW Adventure

2015-02-07T13:51:00.001-05:00

So excited, me and the kid, are heading to Monday night RAW this coming Monday.
Yes, i watch wrestling and i like it ALOT!!!!
It isn't reality t.v. and it isn't so scripted that i have to give it a ton of thought either.
and it isn't UFC or MMA where there's real blood and guts all the time.
It's enough cheesy and physical that it meets my happy medium of mind numbing entertainment.
I go to enjoy it.

I go to forget that i got a pay cut last year that wiped out my last 6 years of raises.
I go to yell and scream and act goofy.
I go to look at the man candy.
I go to forget that most of the time my life is exceptionally boring.
I don't do much in the way of entertainment.
I seldom go out.

I'm going to start working on paying down my debt.
I'm going to focus on credit cards, there's only 2 so that I want done in 6 months.
Then i'm going to work on the car.
After the car is paid off I'm going to hit my last student loan.
Then my kid's car and student loans.
I'm hoping within 2-3 years with the exception of the home and of course our monthly bills like electricity to be debt free.

so entertainment will be scarce.
i have enough scrapbooking stuff to keep me busy for ages.
plus, now with scripture study class and church activities which are free that should be keeping me busy.
but i do love seeing the super hero movies on the big screen.
you really can't be that, the big ultimate screen with the surround sounds are awesome, but i really want to be debt free.
student loans for my daughter are already near $50K and she just informed me she wants to get her masters.
ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm so proud, i'm so proud, i am so proud!

but it so expensive.

so if i can start paying on them now and maybe by the time she gets that masters she will owe little to none on it that would be awesome.
now i know why God only blessed me with one child.
i do so much for her and i would do that for all my children i would need millions to raise more than one, lol.

we are blessed.

we have everything we need and most of what we want.

not that we have expensive taste. i get so excited when i buy a book. really i do. i'm such a geek.

i'll be the woman on raw with a roman reigns rocks sign and on the back it will say Hi Dad it's SIS!!!

Straight and Narrow Like an Arrow

2015-01-23T10:02:00.000-05:00

I'm working on my inner self trying to find a path that doesn't involve getting my heart ripped out and eating myself to death.
I'm scared of men and love so I've turned to God.
I'm burying myself behind the bible, scripture, weekly church attendance and Amens!
I've taken a vow of chastity and I'm focusing on my own spirtual, physical, emotional and mental health.

My A1C is down to 6.6 from 7.4 a year ago and if I keep going I can stop taking the diabetes medications!

I know through God all things are possible!

As I exercise I keep telling myself that.
I don't mind walking that exercise doesn't bother me at all, but when it is brutal weather I have to exercise inside.
I loathe my stationary bike!
It is nothing personal I'd just rather be outside walking.
But I ride the bike and then I do some minor lifting with a small weight since I have the bad shoulder I do small weight and many repititons.
I get sick of it quickly though, but I know my body needs it to be healthy.

My body is a temple not a wasteland or hollow vessel for men to walk all over!
I'm trying to be a better me.
I know it is in here somewhere but digging her out is more difficult than I ever imagined.
I'm a panic orientated person for all committments.
I never realized how committment phobic I've become.
I don't like putting anything in stone.
It freaks me out!!!!

I've had to start learning how to meditate before I pray.
My mind is so busy and full of static I could not clear it to pray anymore.
Every time I went to pray a million other thoughts would be swirling in there, work, the cute guy at church, chores, tv.
It was ridiculous, how can I connect with God and become calm and centered when I got 200 channels on at once in my head.
So, I bought some books and googled meditation and I taylored it to a more christian theme.
Now I focus on God and repeat an affirmation over and over why I focus on my breathing until I'm relaxed and focused.
Some days it can take 5-10 minutes before that happens.

I feel some days that the entire world lives inside my head and I can't turn it off.
I do feel better after I meditate and then pray.
I get a sense of calm and peace and even feel like one day God will answer me.
I don't ask for much, I mostly thank Him for putting up with me and my stubborn stupidity.
I am very stubborn and stupid and He is a patient Father.
I know I test my dad here on earth I can only imagine how Heavenly Father feels because he KNOWS EVERYTHING and my daddy here DOESN'T - lol :)

But I'am an imperfect soul and all I can do is work towards God's love and be humble, be honest, be kind, and of course, always silly!!!!

May you turn to God's love and it find you well.

Frozen Shoulder

2014-11-07T19:10:00.000-05:00

i've been depressed, bored, and stuck in status quo land.
my shoulder which has been persistently getting worse since it pulled and burned at the end of april
has an official diagnosis of frozen shoulder.
i.e. torture via physical therapy and if that doesn't work, knock me out, stretch it out, more torture with physical therapy
and if it is still messed up, cut it open and cut the scar tissue up.
oh the joy, more surgery, and by the time this plays all out will be in a new year so there will be new max out of pockets.
so sick of being in pain and having the stupidest shit go wrong with my body.

i've been working so hard to get a handle on my type 2 diabetes but i keep just hitting these bumps.
at least the migraines are few and far between now.
they aren't gone completely, God Forbid, I get cured of anything.
i am losing some weight, not enough, but it is coming off.
i'm doing what the diabetes site recommends with carbs but i still think it is too many carbs.
my body seems to not be able to handle that many carbs at all.

it is moments like these i wish i'd treated myself better after my mother's death.
i got so depressed for so long i just lost myself to it.
i went so long without addressing my issues that by the time i got help i'd forgotten what it was like to be healthy.
now when i feel better it almost feels wrong like that's the broken me and the sick me is the normal me.
i've gotten so used to misery i don't know what it is like to live without it.

just to summon the interest to log in and blog has taken me months.
i don't want to tell the doctor and get more pills.
all my pills now are non-psychological which i'd like to keep that way.
but if i can't shake this depressive mood where all i do is sleep and stare into nothingness for hours...

all my little joys have evaporated and dispersed into the clouds now they rain down upon someone else's day.

an update that's long overdue

2014-07-19T21:12:00.000-04:00

surgery went fine and i feel great.
it was a rough first 2 weeks after especially not being able to drive.
and if i pushed myself too far my body bitch slapped my right back.
the pain was tolerable, just like the worst period i'd ever had.
the doctor and nurses were amazed at how well i handled it all.
i was pretty surprised as well.
i didn't need the heavy drugs that much in the hospital.
i didn't touch the oxycodone she sent home with me.
i did you my tramadol and muscle relaxer some but not alot.
my shoulder got messed up from being on the couch so much and twisting to do the computer.

my dad helped a lot.
the kid did what she could.
i was walking the dog again by week 3.
but not for long walks.
she tugs and pulls way too much.
and i had to lie down as soon as we got back.
the dog caught on really quick that she had to stay off my stomach.

i am now back at work and life is back to normal minus my female cycle.
i do not miss it at all.
i have only had 2 migraines since.
one in the hospital cause they wouldn't let me take my medicine.
the doctor was called and said let her take her medicine.
i finally was allowed to take it but the migraine had started so they gave me pain pills.
i had another one the first month after when my period would have been due,
but it was mild and went away with the replax after an hour.

since then no more migraine (insert happy dance here)
i feel so much better.
i'm saving a fortune on female products.
i am sending out nearly $500 a month in medical payments.
but hopefully they will be paid off by the end of the year.
a few of the smaller ones are already paid off.
but surgery isn't cheap.

right now i'm stressed out between work and stuff in the house breaking.
garbage disposal, air conditioner needs a new coil, dish washer isn't draining
at work the company is struggling and i had to take a pay cut
and then i have all these medical bills that i am paying
so i have gotten depressed so i've been getting colds and allergies and sinus infections
i'm sleeping a lot and not doing well controlling my type 2 diabetes
which sucks
but i'm trying to pull out of it and do better
i just have to do better

Being Gutted Like a Fish

2014-03-15T17:00:00.000-04:00

The surgery got approved at the end of March i get gutted like a fish.
No more periods.
No more pressure on myself.
It will be a relief not to have a uterus or cervix.
I am nervous.
It is a big surgery with a lot of stitches.
I hope it goes well and i heal quickly.
Right now I'm trying hard not to catch anything.

My allergies and sinus' are giving my grief.
It is hard for me to stay well anymore.
I'm depressed again and I don't know why.
I'm getting a tax return that will cover almost all the deductible and out of pocket expenses.
I can set up a payment plan on the rest.

My dad will be here the entire week of my surgery.
We can go to the hockey game since it is two days before.
It is all falling into place.
But I'm anxious.
Being cut on make me that way.
I think that's normal and healthy.
I hope.

My friend had an ovarian cyst removed.
Her surgery went well.
She is in pain but not too badly.
I'm just a horrible patient.
I know that, my kid and dad really know that.
I'm awful to be around when I'm in pain and sick.
Pain in the ass can't even cover it.

I go in 3/27 i will be outpatient - overnight observe.
I go monday to do the consent papers and get the post op scheduled.
The doc will also get all the drugs called in so i can pick them up.
I have the pre op on 3/19 at the hospital.
If i have a fever or chest congestion or something shows up on the chest x-ray they won't do the surgery.
Hopefully, it will all be clear.

My stomach has hurt all day.
I think i'm ovulating, it's like my uterus knows i'm getting rid of it
and it is protesting.
My period was awful as usual.
At least I can give any pads I have left to my friend.
I will get back the $4K in cost in pads within 2 1/2 years.
Yes, that's how many pads i go through!!!!
I know right, ridiculous!

I Give Up

2014-02-06T18:34:00.000-05:00

I give up.
I'm getting fixed.
The decision has been made.
The tests have been done.

There is nothing keeping me from having another child physically.
The tests showed no tumors, cysts, fibroids, cancers, blockages, etc.
My uterus is tilted and prolapsed which could make it difficult to carry to term.
But I'm 41 despite every time I go to my OB-GYN she keeps thinking I'm only in my early 30's.
I'm flattered I look so young, but I've had to correct her 3 times now.
She keeps saying are you sure you want to do the hysterectomy you're what 32-33 and I go I'm 41.
And she's like I'm sorry I keep doing that with you don't I, and I'm like yes, and she goes, you look so young.
Which again, is flattering, but really, read the top of the chart, not just the cliff notes.

So my uterus and cervix will come out but I keep my ovaries and fallopian tubes.
This will fix all my issues.
My awful, painful, extensive, blood bath periods.
I go through jumbo pad which the last bag I went through was labeled a 3 month supply based on average use.
Well, my periods aren't average.

I have to take tramadol for the pain and muscle relaxers for the cramps.
I have to change pads every hour or I bleed through them and then my pants.
Plus, the doctor said removing the uterus will take care of the prolapse which could help the pressure issue I have during sex and the leaking issue I have.
She said it might not fix all of my leak issues but it could help quite a bit.

I have the insurance now.
I have the ability to work from home for the 4-6 week recovery period now.
I have the support with my friends and daughter in place now.
I don't know if I will have that 5-6 years which is when the 2nd option will wear off.

The 2nd choice was to have my tubes tied and get an uterine ablation.
The uterine ablation itself can cause bleeding, cramping, pain, organ damage, infections and weight gain.
I have type 2 diabetes I'm working very hard to lose weight.
Any options that cause weight gain the doctor and I pretty much eliminated.
Plus, if it wears off before I start menopause I could have periods again.
I have no idea from my family history what the average age of menopause is, most the woman in my family had hysterectomies after giving birth at some point and usually by my age at the latest.

I wish I had more children, but that wasn't meant to me.
I had a year to deal with that and come to terms with it.
This is the best for my health.
Maybe someday my kid will give me a grandchild, maybe not.
I feel blessed to have been a Mother to the one child I have.
I have to do what is right for me and this is what is good for my health.

Lost Its Shine

2013-12-23T17:52:00.000-05:00

Christmas has lost its shine for me.
i have a tree. it is decorated. it has presents under it.
i went shopping. i spent money.
i opened doors for people. i smiled. i listened to christmas music.
i said merry christmas. i said happy holidays.
i asked people if they had plans. i called family to wish them joy.
i feel dead inside. i am void of all emotions.
christmas is death.

i was in the mall. i went to get away from this chattering little annoying man at work.
while i was eating my lunch a christmas song came on the loud speaker.
it was one of my mother's favorite christmas songs.
i suddenly had a wave of christmas memories of my mother come back to me and i cried in the middle of the mall food court.
i could not stop it or avoid it, i cried into my sandwich.

my mother loved loved loved christmas.
she was very poor growing up as a kid.
She was one of eight children; her dad was a drunk that seldom worked; grandma didn't work and they barely ate.
She married dad who did work and they could afford to celebrate christmas.
We didn't have a lot of money and I don't think it was really about the presents.
My mom loved the process and the excitement and the spirit of christmas.

She loved christmas, she would just glow at the holiday.
we'd have to go to church functions.
we'd do caroling and drive around to look at christmas lights.
the presents were wrapped and the tree was decorated with care.
we'd bake cookies and decorating them.

my mother went all out for christmas.
she made it really special for me and my brother's.
i still hang up the christmas stocking she made me by hand while she was pregnant with me.
she added my name right after i was born so it would be on there for my first christmas.
i wasn't even a month old on my first christmas.

Of course when we grew up and became teenagers we ruined it for her.
We became ungrateful and greedy and just a pain in her ass.
And then I redeemed myself and had her first grandchild and christmas was saved again.
She had 4 years with her grandbaby; 4 amazing christmas' filled with the wonderment and awe only a child can bring into the mix.
I miss those christmas years of the shine and the glow.

Yes, for me christmas has lost its shine.

Clear Road Ahead

2013-11-28T17:07:00.001-05:00

I turn 41 on this thanksgiving day and i have so much to be thankful for this year.
I have a clear road ahead of me.
The MRA showed no sign of a brain aneurysm and that was a true relief.
The new medication seems to be helping with the migraines.
I am sleeping.
I feel rested.
I feel peaceful.

I had my family with me today.
The new great nephew is trying to talk and sit up.
Every time I laughed he would start to laugh.
Why does a baby cheer most people up so much?
Sophie the puggle wasn't so sure what to do with him.
She sniffed him, licked him, nudged him, gave him some odd looks and just walked off.
Although, anytime the baby drooled Sophie suddenly wanted to lick him.
I was a bad Aunt Shannon and gave him his first taste of chocolate frosting from my birthday cupcakes.
He LOVED chocolate, that is my BOY!!!
We tried vanilla ice cream, nope, he wanted more chocolate.
He has no interest in anything else.
He is such a good sweet baby.
He should be easy to potty train he hates having a wet diaper.

My dad seemed in good spirits.
He liked the house said it was a good fit for me and the kid.
He could never tolerate a home owner's association or having neighbor's this close,
but he knows that the kid and I are used to it after apartment living for so long.
My brother told me he bought my dad a kevlar vest for Christmas.
I told my brother being the smart ass i am,that you know when the zombie apocalypse happens they will want to eat his brain
to which my brother responded no problem i'm getting him a helmet, sheesh!!!!

I really do love my family!!!