Yeng's Twisted Reality

Our Discovery Diary (ODD)

2010-04-25T15:13:00.000-06:00

As we were on our way home from work last Friday, Steve suddenly said, "I just realized that at this time of the year last year, we were in the Philippines." I turned to him and asked him what date it is and he said that it's the 23rd of April. And all I was able to say was "Oh, yeah." In my excitement about my new job, I didn't notice that we are actually just counting weeks before our first wedding anniversary. Yay!

Since Steve and I have been planning a very nice "vacation" for our celebration, I just thought that posting about the "vacations" we've had since we got married would be a good addition to my blog. And so, I am now introducing Our Discovery Diary (or ODD for short) wherein I will yak about the places we went to and the things that we discovered together.

Hopefully, I could encourage you to go visit these places sometimes.

Tired But Thankful

2010-04-20T21:08:00.001-06:00

I have just started working last week in my very first job here in the US and I am tired. It's quite funny how my body has easily forgotten how it is to work at least five days a week. When I was in the Philippines, I used to work at least eight hours a day, six days a week (sometimes seven) and I didn't seem to get this tired. Oh well, I think it's just me getting older and my body adjusting to the stress again after almost a year of being in a dormant state. In any case, I am very grateful to God for this provision and to my family for all the help and support.

Anyway, this new activity in my life is the reason why I haven't dabbled in any kitchen experiments for quite a while now; hence, the inactivity of my Project Cook and Tell (PCAT). However, I believe that I would be able to post more recipes as soon as I get used to my new schedule.

PCAT - Beef Mechado

2010-04-13T19:16:00.000-06:00

Oh well, enough of the drama - I have recovered from the driver's test failure already. I am going on with my life now. (Thanks to mom who took pity of me and agreed to bring me to work every morning.) So let's go back to my (mis)adventures in the kitchen.

For this post, I am going to share a simplified version of Beef Mechado, a Spanish dish that has evolved into a Filipino recipe. The name originally referred to the strips of pork fat that are threaded (mecha - wick) through thick pieces of lean beef to render them more tender and less dry. The simplified version, though, usually just makes use of slightly fatty beef pieces or if you are on a diet, lean beef pieces.

Here's what I used:

1 lb (~0.5 kg) beef stew meat
4 to 5 pieces medium Roma tomatoes, diced
1 large (Russet) potato, peeled and cut into 12 pieces
1/4 cup worcestershire sauce
2 tsp white vinegar (cane vinegar)
2 - 3 Tbsp soy sauce
water
1 beef bouillon cube
1 medium red onion, chopped
6 cloves garlic, minced
black peppercorn
2 bay leaves
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp ground black pepper
cooking oil

Here's how I cooked it:

Marinate the beef stew meat in the worcestershire sauce, garlic powder and ground black pepper for about an hour.
Sear the beef stew meat, making sure that the cooking oil is hot.
Transfer the seared meat in a stockpot. Add in the garlic, tomatoes, vinegar, soy sauce, peppercorn, and bay leaves. Cook over medium to high heat for 10 to 15 minutes. Add half a cup of water and the beef bouillon cube.
Simmer over medium to low heat for one and a half hour, stirring occasionally. Add water as necessary, making sure that it doesn't dry up.
Put in the potatoes and onions. Continue simmering for another 30 minutes.
Serve with steamed rice.

Add in the potatoes earlier if you want it to be softer or later if you want it to be firmer. I like the potatoes just soft enough to be mashed with the rice.

Learning to Let Go of Failure

2010-04-11T10:07:00.000-06:00

"You did well but you didn't pass today," the lady in yellow shirt told me as I pulled into the parking lot of the Division of Motor Vehicles.

"Excuse me?!" I asked with all the indignation I could muster. (Oh well, I guess I didn't say it out loud. It was just the voice inside me questioning the lady's awful statement.) As she proceeded to tell me that I turned too wide and started drawing diagrams of the road and the car, the terrible feeling of failure began to gnaw at my being. And all of a sudden I am in that place again where my best is apparently not good enough.

I called my hubby on his cellphone to tell him I am in the car. The moment I hung up, my tears started flowing as the wall of denial crumbled. I was already in a desolate condition when Steve finally arrived and all I could say between the sobs was "I FAILED!" He looked confused for a while and then he wrapped his arms around me to comfort me knowing how poorly I deal with anxiety.

Oddly enough, failure is not foreign to me. I have encountered it quite a few times to know that it is a normal occurrence in life. But I guess I just could not handle it as well as I should, specially if it's the "almost there" type, the kind where I'm just half a point away from passing. And to top it all, it doesn't make me feel better when people try to console me with "you were almost there" because that's just it - "I am almost good enough but not quite". It tends to build up the frustrations, disappointments and what-ifs instead of diffusing it.

Fortunately, I have a family (both biological and marital) who understands that I just need reassurance. My husband, in particular, knows how to handle my emotional breakdown or meltdown as he likes to call it. He always tell me to focus on the positive side of what happened and the on the lessons I could acquire from the experience. He reminds me that self-flagellation would not do me any good and I just have to learn to let go. He assuages my feeling of inadequacy by putting things in a different perspective.

I am feeling a little bit better now after all the crying and the realization that life does not end in my failing to get the driver's license. In fact, this incident made me examine how I view things and how I handle them. It made me aware of what things I need to adjust and made me appreciate more the beauty of familial support.

PCAT - Sweet and Sour Pork

2010-04-07T21:58:00.000-06:00

"So what are you doing with the chicken, hun?" my hubby asked me when he arrived home the other day to find me still preparing dinner. Usually, dinner is ready by the time he gets home from work but I got so engrossed with Facebook that I started dinner late.

"Bebe, it's not chicken... it's pork." I answered.

"Oh... so what are you doing with pork?"

"... Sweet and Sour Pork" I said nonchalantly. I have cooked this dish a couple of times before and I already know that he likes it so I wasn't surprised when he said with a smile on his face, "I love Sweet and Sour Pork."

Here's what you will need:

1 lb (~ 0.5 kg) pork loin, cut into small pieces
1 can 8 oz (227 g) pineapple tidbits or chunks
1 medium carrot, cut diagonally
1/2 cup bell pepper, cut into squares
1 small red onion, diced
1/2 cup banana catsup (banana sauce in the US, found in the Asian Market)
2 Tbsp brown sugar
1/3 cup all purpose flour
salt
ground black pepper
garlic powder
cayenne pepper
cooking oil
cooking spray (PAM or any other brand)

This is how it's prepared:

Sprinkle salt and ground black pepper on pork pieces and toss like a salad. Let it stand for at least 30 minutes.
Prepare breading by mixing flour, ground pepper, cayenne pepper and garlic powder. Bread the pork pieces* and deep fry until golden brown. Set aside on paper towels to reduce the oil.
Spray a separate skillet with PAM. Saute onion, bell pepper and carrots.
Add in the pineapple tidbits including the syrup (juice) and sugar. Stir and let simmer for 5 minutes.
Add in catsup and stir until the sauce thickens slightly.
Put in the fried breaded pork and stir, making sure the sauce covers the pork pieces.
Serve with steamed rice.

* Note on breading:
Some would dip the pork pieces in eggs before rolling on the breading mix. I don't use eggs and just rely on the natural moisture of the meat so that it won't be too puffy when cooked.
A useful technique is to prepare the breading mixture in a container that has a cover. This way, you can just put in the pork pieces in the container, cover and shake it.

PCAT - Steve's Kielbasa and Sauerkraut Dinner

2010-04-06T22:05:00.002-06:00

I am quite blessed because the two most important men in my life are good cooks. The first one is my papa whom I have mentioned in the introduction of Project Cook and Tell. The second is my hubby who throws stuff at a pan until it looks like dinner.

Anyway, the recipe I am sharing with you today is one of the products of my hubby's tasty imagination. I had to watch him make it because he doesn't consciously take note of what he's doing in the kitchen.

Here's what you will need:

1.5 lb (~ 0.7 kg) Polish Kielbasa Smoked Sausage*
1 qt (946 ml) Sauerkraut
1 can 15 oz (425 g) Sliced New Potatoes
1 Tbsp chopped onion
1 tsp garlic powder
2 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper to taste

And this is how it's prepared:

Cut Kielbasa into bite-size pieces. (For my hubby, bite-size means slicing the sausage into 1/2-inch thick pieces)
Put the Kielbasa in a non-stick skillet and cook over medium heat until the sausage gives off its oil. Drain the oil and discard it.

Add in the Sauerkraut, garlic powder, chopped onions, worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper. Stir.
Simmer for 20 minutes or until the juice from the Sauerkraut has mostly evaporated.
Add in the potatoes. Continue to simmer until all the liquid has dried up.

* Special note from Steve, Kielbasa is Polish (and Russian) for sausage so the label on the brand we are using is sort of redundant.

PCAT - Beef with Broccoli

2010-04-05T15:05:00.002-06:00

While on our way to sledding yesterday, one of our nieces said something about farming and taking care of animals. I don't quite remember how the conversation went to that topic but my hubby remarked that he can't see himself taking care of cattle. His reason is that I would probably name the animals and treat them as pets and by the time they are grown and needed to be slaughtered I would be too attached to them that I would cry if he kills them for food. Sound reasoning I might say.

Don't get me wrong, I love eating beef as much as I love eating chicken, pork and other meat. It's the taking care part that would spell trouble. Anyway, I have already featured two chicken recipes for Project Cook and Tell so I decided to share my own beef recipe that has evolved from Beef Salpicao.

Here's what you will need:

1/2 lb (approximately 1/4 kg) beef stew meat
1 can 6.5 oz (187 g) button mushroom pieces and stems, drain the water
1 cup frozen cut broccoli
6 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup worcestershire sauce
2 Tbsp brown sugar
garlic powder
ground black pepper
cayenne pepper
butter
canola or vegetable oil

Here's how to prepare it:

Cut the beef stew meat into smaller pieces. In my case, I cut a piece of meat into 2 or 3 pieces.
Combine the worcestershire sauce, garlic powder, sugar, ground black pepper and cayenne pepper in a bowl. Marinate the beef stew meat in this for at least an hour.
In a non-stick skillet, melt about 2 tbsp of butter. Saute the garlic until light brown. Then put in the mushrooms, taking care not to crowd them as they would not cook well. (That's according to Julia Child by the way.) Set aside the cooked garlic and mushrooms.
In the same skillet, melt 2 more tbsp of butter and add oil. Sear the beef stew meat until it appears burnt because of the brown sugar caramelizing. Pour in the marinade and let simmer in medium heat for about 10 minutes.
Add in the broccoli and cooked garlic and mushrooms. Stir.
Let it simmer again for 5 minutes or until the broccoli is cooked.
Serve with steamed rice.

And that is my pseudo-beef salpicao with added veggies. I hope you'll enjoy it too.

PCAT - Baked Chicken with Broccoli and Cheese

2010-03-30T19:44:00.001-06:00

After much deliberation on what to cook for dinner tonight, I came up with a dish that would serve two purposes: first is to satisfy my hubby bebe and second is to be good enough to be blogged about. Yes, it is another chicken recipe but what can I do, we love chicken.

Here is the list of what you will need:

3 pieces boneless and skinless chicken breasts
American cheese singles, one slice per chicken breast
1/4 cup finely shredded Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup frozen cut broccoli, diced
2 Tbsp chopped onion
ground black pepper
salt (I personally use sea salt but regular iodized salt is ok)
cayenne pepper
dried oregano leaves

There are two ways to prepare the chicken. You can either slit open the side of the chicken breast to make a small pocket on the meat or you can butterfly it as shown in the picture below. (read: to butterfly is to cut and spread open)

Here is the rest of the procedure:

Preheat oven to 350 F.
Rub salt on both sides of the chicken. If you made a pocket instead of butterflying it, rub salt inside the pocket too.
Combine the broccoli and chopped onions in a bowl. Season with ground black pepper and dried oregano leaves. Mix thoroughly.
Divide the slice of cheese into two and put the first half in the pocket or on the middle section of the butterflied chicken. Next, put in the broccoli mix. Cover the mix with the other half of the cheese.
Secure the pocket opening with toothpicks. If using butterflied chicken, fold the side sections to cover the stuffing and secure the fold with toothpicks.
Put a dash of cayenne pepper on top side of the chicken and rub it. Rub oregano leaves on both sides of the chicken and put them on a baking sheet lined with aluminum foil and sprayed with Pam (any cooking spray will do actually!).

Bake the chicken for 20 minutes. Take the chicken out of the oven and sprinkle Parmesan cheese on top. Then continue baking for 15 minutes more.
Remove toothpicks before serving.

There you go. I hope you'll enjoy it.

PCAT - Chicken Skewers

2010-03-28T12:02:00.003-06:00

My husband loves barbecue a lot. In fact, he would never turn down any offer to eat this type of food no matter what. But this is not to say that he doesn't have a discriminating taste when it comes to one of his favorite foods because he does recognize a good barbecue from a not-so-good one.

For my first recipe in Project Cook and Tell (PCAT), I would like to share with you my version of Chicken Skewers. I got the idea for the marinade in a cookbook called "America's Favorite Brand Name Light Cooking". The original recipe calls for specific branded products but since I don't really go for expensive branded stuff when you can have a cheaper product that can do as well, I decided to do some substitutions and alterations. This resulted in a recipe which uses more generic and common ingredients.

Here is the list of what you will need:

3 lb (1.4 kg) skinless and boneless chicken breasts
1 can 8-oz (227 g) tomato sauce
1/8 cup water
1/8 cup dark soy sauce
3/8 cup worcestershire sauce
1/4 cup sugar (see notes below on which type of sugar you could use)
1/8 cup chopped onions (fresh or dried)
3 Tbsp. cider vinegar
ground black pepper
cayenne pepper (optional)
dried oregano
dried basil
garlic powder
Italian seasoning

This is how to prepare it:

Cut chicken breasts into pieces, approximately 1.5 inches by 1 inch. Remove fat if you like. Set aside in a bowl for marinating.
In a small skillet or saucepan, combine all the other ingredients and stir to remove the lumps. The amount of spices you would put in depends on your taste. In my case, I usually put 1 to 2 tablespoonfuls of each type of spice except for the cayenne pepper which would be too potent if you put more than a dash or two.
Bring the sauce into a boil over medium heat while stirring constantly. Lower the heat and let it simmer for 8 to 10 minutes.
Let the marinade sit for a while to cool. Then, pour over chicken pieces. Make sure that the marinade covers the chicken pieces well.
Put the bowl in the refirigerator and let it stand for at least 24 hours.
Skewer the chicken and grill it.

Special Notes:

If you are using frozen chicken, make sure that you thaw it well. This will minimize the amount of water that the chicken pieces will give off while it is marinating and the marinade will not be diluted.
You can use either refined (white) sugar or brown sugar. Brown sugar caramelizes well and will give a nice burnt color to the chicken skewers when cooked. White sugar doesn't caramelize as much. The taste doesn't vary as much when you use either one.
If you don't have cider vinegar, you may also use 2 Tbsp. red wine vinegar. I haven't tried this recipe with other types of vinegar aside from the two that I have mentioned. But feel free to experiment.
I usually marinate the chicken for 3 to 4 days but 24 hours will suffice.

My husband absolutely enjoys this dish and I hope you would too.

Project Cook and Tell (PCAT)

2010-03-25T15:13:00.005-06:00

My husband calls me a fibber. It is because when we were still dating, I told him that I couldn't cook. And now that we're married, he says he likes most of the food I prepared for him.

I did not really mean to lie to him because in my mind, I don't know how to REALLY cook. Yes, I sometimes make pasta dishes whenever I have time off from work. But I never considered myself a good cook - passable maybe but not good. So I told him that to save him from disappointments that can come from encountering the stuff i make.

There are reasons, though, why I consider myself just passable. First is my grandmother (mama's mom) who used to live with us. She cooked the daily meals and she's really good at it. So whatever sense of "deliciousness" I have, it developed from her. Food has to be cooked her way or better.

My papa is a superb cook too. When we relocated to our own house in Laguna, he took on the duty of cooking meals after he has resigned from his regular job. He still works by driving a tricycle or van to ferry kids to and from school but his schedule allows him to prepare the daily meals. Needless to say, those dishes are delicious.

So then, there was wee little me who had to go to school (commuting from Laguna to Quezon City and back again) and never had the chance to really improve on my cooking. It got worse when I graduated and held jobs that had me going home at way past dinner time and no chance of practicing how to cook there.

But now that I am in the US - so far away from my grandmother and my papa, I guess I needed to step up and cook, especially since my hubby goes to work and I don't. (Not yet, that is!) So I had to flex my muscle, stretch my imagination and exercise my palate. And surprises of surprises, I apparently could folow a recipe, make some adjustments and come up with a meal that is EDIBLE! Yehey!

And so I decided that aside from blogging regular activities in our daily life, I could start writing about my adventures in the kitchen. Thus, came PROJECT COOK AND TELL. So in my next posts, I would actually share recipes that I cooked for hubby and tell you how he reacted to it. Hopefully, those Passable Cooks like me will be able to benefit from my gastronomic experiments.

Catching Up... Again!

2010-03-18T09:23:00.008-06:00

It has been a while now since my last post. At that time, I was just beginning a new life with my hubby bebe bear. Now, our 1st wedding anniversary is sneaking up on us. Cliched as it may sound but I cannot believe how time flies.

Our first year is not unlike many starter couples' because it is definitely a period of honeymoon. We have regular datenights and we celebrated our monthversary (monthsary for me) religiously. We went on camping adventures, cooking experiments, tea samplings and kitchen stuff shopping. It is indeed a relaxing state for most part.

Like any new married couple, we had our petty quarrels. Although, I would have to say that most of those incidents are caused by me not knowing how to communicate how I feel leading to a misunderstanding. But I would have to state that it is not the language barrier that led to that "tampuhan" it is just my "learned" ability to clam up when I should be talking to him about certain situations. You see, Steve is my first and only boyfriend and so I have yet to realize that men cannot read their women's minds. Nevertheless, these incidents (or the things that happen after) are fun.

The only time we were not enjoying ourselves are those times when we had to deal with immigration hooplas. I, being a foreigner in the proverbial land of milk and honey, have to prove that I did not marry my hubby just for the green card (the permanent resident status card). Admittedly, it is relatively easy for him and me to prove the bonafides of our marriage. It is the bureaucracy that is hard to deal with. Just imagine the money, effort and time that we have to put into the convoluted process of adjusting my immigration status. Add to that my craziness because of being stuck at home without a job. And you will get (my) minor meltdowns which, fortunately, my hubby knows how to handle and quell.

Yes, it has been an eventful year for us - one that would forever be etched in our minds (another cliche... lol!). And looking at the whole picture, I could say that our first year of marriage has been a bliss.

Bebe Chronicles: A New Beginning

2009-06-02T12:39:00.011-06:00

... for we conquered both TIME and DISTANCE!

waiting for you

2009-04-18T10:52:00.005-06:00

in just a few days, our journey will start
you're coming here to take me
it's gonna be sad for my family
but i know i need to go
coz i just wanna be with you

i love you my bebe bear

Dreams Coming True

2009-04-07T09:45:00.008-06:00

You used to be just a dream
A nameless being from the start
The faceless groom in my heart

I've waited so long for you
Looked so hard just so i could see
And then you came unexpectedly

You stretched out a hand for me
When I was wallowing in the darkness
Your presence gave me happiness

And then this love started to grow
Unbelievable but then it's true
I am bound to be with you

Now i know who you are
No longer nameless
No longer faceless

And in time, I'll be with you
To share one life to live
I love you so much, my Steve.

CHRISTMAS WITH MY BEBE

2009-02-06T08:15:00.004-07:00

My First Christmas with my Steve and the Happiest so far...

The LOVE of my LIFE

2009-02-01T07:36:00.006-07:00

Kitten Expressions

2008-11-30T00:21:00.007-07:00

My dear bebe bear gave me my first kiss and it was so so so sweet... :)

And he makes my day with kisses and hugs...

And I want every moment with him to last forever...

My bebe bear, my love, my Steve,
I LOVE YOU so so so much!

Happiness!

2008-09-23T08:42:00.009-06:00

A few months ago, i wrote about finding a man who loves me as much as i do. Well, we're living half a world apart but that didn't stop our love from growing. We continued communicating and with each day, we felt that we need to see each other and be with each other.

And so after much planning and much saving and much waiting, we finally met in the flesh. It was magical so to speak. I never really thought we'd be inseparable. But the first moment we touched, it was as if we've known each other forever.

We're officially engaged now (though in truth, we've been married since early this year through our online ceremony) and soon we would be together body and soul forever...

Back from Outerspace

2008-05-28T08:39:00.005-06:00

It's been a long time since i last posted.

Many things had happened and there have been so many changes in my life.
I left the blog with a crazy mind filled with the horridness of a suddenly finished business.
But now i'm coming back with a better view of life and a very loving man.
:)

me

2007-09-30T08:53:00.001-06:00

Naked!

2007-06-25T04:42:00.000-06:00

unhappiness...

emptiness...

pain and anger...

all i needed was closure...

but came craziness!

and the door opened for closure

2007-06-21T08:03:00.000-06:00

June 04, 2007

Y: Ei, hapi bday. =)
M: Cnu po kaw?
Y: Hulaan mo po? =)
M: Sori, nabura lahat ng mga # sa phone ko so im updating. If i knw u, hope u let me knw. tnx.
Y: O i gues khit nde nbura lhat ung numbr s cel mo, d mo p rin mlalaman kung cno ako. But i do know u. Lets leave it at that. Hapi bday ulit. =)
M: Ei, if ur sum1 i knw its d least i cud do to hav d persons name so tht i may thank him/her properly wit utmost honesty. Then again, if i had hurt u, im sori.
Y: =)
M: There is 1 person i knw who would reply the way u did. she is sum1 special to me, yet she didnt actually believe me when everything wasnt ryt. I nvr heard 4m her.
Y: So u r tnking that mayb i am her? Cno sya?
M: U tell me...
Y: Honestly... M not quite sure... S she part of d past?
M: Again, u tell me...
Y: Mmm... Y r u not sleeping yet? =)

June 05, 2007

M: Mind if i call?
Y: Y wud u need 2 do dat?
M: Jst 2 knw u again. If its ok?
Y: Dont u tnk callng me s way too xpensv 2 find out hu i am? O, mayb i botherd u 2 mch last nyt. M sori. It was a crazy tng 2 do. =)
M: Its ok.
3 missed calls
Y: Arent u supposed to b workng?
M: Ok lng... d nmn bz e.
5 missed calls
Y: Can't take a hint?
M: Don't u want to talk?
Y: No. Do u?
M: Sana, jst 4 me to thank u personally. Nagtataka lan me na...
6 missed calls
Y: Do u promis not 2 call again f i tel u hu i am?
M: Cge.
Y: Yeng
M: Ha? O ayan, at least kilala na kta. E bkt ayaw mu naman ako 2mawag.
Y: Wla lng. Told u it was a crazy tng 2 do. =)
3 missed calls
Y: Hay nku! Kulit!
M: We could talk.. Wala naman prob un eh. Tsaka iba # mu saken. Ung 0918 ang start. Nwei, i wil update na lan. If u dnt wnt pwd din naman.
Y: Haha. I told u n d mo rn malalaman n ako 2 kc m using my othr celphone. The 0918 cel s stil gud. Sowee tlga s pangungulit. Wla ko mgwa khpon e.
M: E bkt ayaw mu ko kausapin. Galit ka?
Y: Nde. Dont lyk talking s phone tlga =) anyway, admit it.. t was funny d b? Ay, i tnk nbuwisit k?
M: D naman. K lan. San ka work?
Y: s pque. Consultancy firm. Kaw, san work?
M: Meralco, anu gawa mu dyan?
Y: Nagwowork... Haha
M: I mean anu specific na gawa mu dyan?
Y: Environmental & technical consultant. D co hdles japanese mfg firms. Kaw, hulaan ko... Lynman? Hehe
M: Better, engr ako
Y: T was a joke. Mlamang lng engr k. =)
M: Tnx po.
Y: 4 greeting u a hapi bday? Welcome po.
M: D po.
Y: E pra san? 4 belivng dt u r an engr? Pwde k b nmng lynman? D nmn. =)
M: Ewan, icp mu.
Y: Gumaganti k h. =)
M: Y didnt it work out satin?
Y: D yta ako kgad nksagot dun a. So, u r thanking me kc it didnt work out?
M: D ko po sinbi yon. it is probable tht u didnt gve me a chance.. Stumped or concerned?
Y: Honestly, i dont know how 2 feel. Kc khit nmn masagot ung tnong, wud it stil mater 2 u?
M: Yes...
Y: Y? D b mas mblis iwan n lng lhat s past. Wat gud wud it do?
M: Put meaning to d past.
Y: Tntanong mo b yan s lhat?
M: Bkt lahat? Ganun b kadami?
Y: U tell me...
M: We almost made it.. I must admit, i had lapses. i nvr told u how i feel.
Y: And i thought u wer jst playing around.
M: No, i got scared bka ayaw mu
Y: And i had lots of nsecurities... I didnt tink i m gud enough 4 u.
M: Really? I felt d same way.. Knwing d kind of person u are...
Y: Huh? wat kind of person am i?
M: Strong willed...
Y: And it stopd u from saying anytng? Didnt u notice how i wud look at u as f u r d only person hu maters?
M: I knw i got scared that u myt push me away. I mean i did love u. i jst hope u felt it d way i held ur hand.
Y: I was hoping then dt d tngs we shared realy means smtng 4 u. Kya lng u wer always surounded by othr girls, d ko lam kung anong 22o.
M: No i wasnt.. again, im sori it was mostly my fault. If i had made the move, then i would hav won half of it. Remember, i almost kiss u then.
Y: I wish u jst did. Pro it s n d past now. Wla n tyong mggwa dun d b? Pro u r ryt. At least tngs r clearer now... Gave sm meaning 2 d past.
M: Cge po. Ingatz.
Y: Kaw dn po. =)

Y: Sori 2 bother u again. Pro pwde ako nmn mgtnong?
M: Cge.
Y: How long hv u waitd b4 u fnaly gv up on a posible "us"?
M: Matagal, kaht nung college pa i was stil hoping we could be together. U kinda repelled me.
Y: I wntd 2 4get u kc i was afraid u didnt feel d same.
M: Gud nyt.
Y: Nyt. =)

alter ego

2007-06-13T05:34:00.000-06:00

much as i would like to hide it...
there's no denying the fact that...
i'm a bitch!

if people say that i'm lovable...
then they might not have seen beyond the surface...
in reality...
i'm just a damn good actress!

i can look perfect for you...
be the dream lover you want...
bring you to heaven and back...
even feign orgasm if i have to...
but don't ever expect to get more than that...
i am heartless, baby!

gosh, i am so angry...
and so so hurt...
this isn't me talking...
it's AYA unleashed!

Hindi ko Kaya!!!

2007-05-14T08:59:00.000-06:00

Ang sabi ko sa sarili ko...
Kaya kitang kalimutan...
At nagawa ko yun...
Matapos ang lahat ng luha...
Nagawa ko yun!
Naalis ko sa puso ko ang paghahangad...
Na mahalin mo rin ako tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa yo...
Natira ang pagmamahal sa isang kaibigan.
Alam kong mabubuhay ako...
Kahit wala ka sa aking tabi...
Mabubuhay ako!
Pero hindi ko sinabi na...
Pwede ka nang mamatay...
Ang sabi ko...
Mabubuhay ako nang wala ka sa tabi ko...
Hindi nang patay ka!
Ano ka ba naman...
Wala namang ganyanan...
Hindi ko kaya yun!

LoViNG You iS NoT aN eaSY THiNG To Do

2007-04-17T10:22:00.000-06:00

Loving you has never been easy for me...
Almost every minute I spend with you is steeped in pain...
It is as if every happy memory is a stolen moment...
And all that I could hold on to is an aching reality...
That even if I give you my life...
I could never really have you!