My world !! My space !!

Of wants and more !

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Wed, 9 Oct 2013 20:53:00 +0530

Birthdays are coming up. I lost track of the time when birthdays mattered. I guess these days as the birthday nears, i get the jitters about being old and the miles i need to go before i get older :)

so i will be a year older soon. For now i am living the american dream which is being in debt. Don't get me wrong, having a home is a basic necessity for most people as well as mine. I reckoned, its better to garner some equity than live my life in apartments and get done with it. So i bought a house. Its a decent one, in a good locality, close to the metro and the works, but the pleasure is in looking around and realizing i live in my own house. Well its not mine as yet, for right now the bank owes it and will continue to do so for the next 10 years at least. I am a partial owner for now ...

Then i did the unthinkable and bought up another home in my parents home state of Kerala. I always wanted a home there, have always felt a oneness with that holy place so i was willing to take the plunge. Now i am paying through my nose to manage 2 places and if i lose my job, then i can eat the drywall for lunch and dinner if i choose to stay in US or cement and iron bars if i decide to head back to India.

All of them came at a price. A price i was willing to pay and i am hoping my gamble pays off. If it doesnt, i will end up with egg on my face but more importantly i will ruin the finances and well being of my loved ones including my daughter. A terrible thought indeed which makes me determined to see the bright side if not anything else.

so i am headed to india, to finish off the paperwork for this place. Along with that i am scrapping my piggy bank, my accounts and other stuff to make up for the monetary costs associated with the purchase. In any case no sooner that the NRI (Never Returning Indian) lands, the sharks will be out in full force gnawing and snapping at every visible piece of you. Its as if money is given for free for us folks. I must say that also adds to be one of the prime reasons why working in india or living for that matter just seems so out of question.

I hope i get a good interior designer to spruce up the place, make it look good. nothing flashy but easy, comfortable colors and interiors is what i am expecting. The costs are an deterring factor and i am not yet the NRI for whom being flashy just seems so the norm.

So wish me luck. In my haste to get over a childhood dream, i have put a lot at stake. I am ok for now just as long as i have a job. Besides its not a million dollar home that i would need to be indebted to anyone for a long time. That being said, i would need to curb this "get done with it" instinct. More than twice this year, i have ended up doing things which i tend to worry about later and this being one of the case.

i hope the gods continue to be merciful. I dont have much to ask anyways and i must say i am blessed. I have never had a problem, i could not face, never an issue i could not resolve, never a heartache i could not get over with and never a pain i couldnt live with.

I have had the best of education,an easy childhood, a tough middle age and a promising old age. As i sit around and ponder about these blessings in my promised land i duly hope, i remain blessed and humble for every birth i become.

Lessons from Last Night !

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Sun, 1 Sep 2013 10:50:00 +0530

Lessons from last night :

In a company party I can be myself and yet not be the joker of the pack. 8% alcohol in a beer is not unheard off. "Reserve" yeah that's the name, made me lose my reservations last night till i saw a fuming wifey when i woke up in the morning.

I can be paranoid about losing but more than losing its the thought of losing that kills me

My eyes shut on their own accord same as my mouth does. They don't need an alarm, neither do they care about the place or the time, they just shut down when they want to

The best thing to do is to just stop caring. If only it were that easy. The point is that you can only not care if you actually never cared in the first place. In which case, you would not be trying to not care, would you?

Don't create trouble, keep your thoughts to yourself, shut up basically. For the love of God, don't let what everyone says and how everyone behaves affect you. Because it will fuck up your life, it actually will !!!

I think too much and most of the times its for others or what i intend to do for them

Be positive, Be free. Don't neglect your customary activities, because if you do, you will feel lethargic about doing it again.

A mountain bike real usage is when its driven around not when you wheel it around as i do since i don't want to waste my energy riding uphill.

I am sorry i am being incoherent here, maybe I am drunk or maybe I am just happy, the looooong weekend is finally here, hopefully with a 2 feet bundle of joy and wifey, i would be able to enjoy it a little more :)

Are WE human?

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 07:23:00 +0530

To my nation which is filled with testosterone, masala films, kamasutra, deep cleavages and the works. As a nation all we care about is the plunging necklines and the quick dekho .. that's it. Be it the newspaper, the neighborhood, or even our work place.

We are filled with gossip, lowest rates of morality and are medically a rare species because our hormones are all over the place traversing a common pathway to our organs. When the heat we generate amongst our all consuming bodies is not enough, we still look for more. Nothing less than a nuclear fission satisfies us. I doubt even a intensity that high would do and i guess Mother Nature does not yet have any cooling mechanism to lessen the heat.

The poison is in our hearts. In our minds and of course in our veins. Where physical intimacy, discharging our filthy DNA is paramount, everything else takes a back seat, yes it does and it always did. we are a nation of eunuchs, i am sorry that is a insult to enuchs.. i am sure their morality rates are higher... we are a nation of bastards, born out of a inhuman existence. we live only to procreate by any means and anything living is just our means of getting there.

I cant ask you to guard your girlfriends, mothers, sisters or the works. Hell on second thought i would ask you to guard your brother, son, friend, grandfather and even your pet dog. In fact anything that can reliably be deemed a living being of the male species needs to be guarded. Oh mothers, sisters, girlfriends of this world, please guard your male species. Please teach us to fear "FEAR", teach us things that only fear can teach.

As for the male species if you can read and understand this i sure hope that there is fear in you ! A fear that instills a feeling of righteousness in you, a fear that kindles your lust seeking vision, a fear that tugs at your heart, a fear that makes you see a woman as a gift, a guide and more importantly a important companion in our otherwise miserable existence.

My prayers go out to the family and everyone related to them. May no father, no mother and no nation ever be required to face this gross injustice. May god and the people shower the choicest abuses, insults and injury to every @#$@$#@#$% testosterone high male species amongst us humans whose only aim in life is to discharge his tool. May the punishment be so severe that every inch of the rot residing within his frame shudder at the mention of it. Until then good luck ladies and gentleman !

Its at moments like this that I feel paranoid and animalistic. Its at times like these that i want capital punishment. Its at times like this i love fear. To all my living companions who share the family's grief and keeps them in their prayers, Thank you !

To the rest of the bastards out there, may you rot in HELL of course this should be after we have lynched every visible piece of you that ever existed !!!

http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_t3#/video/bestoftv/2012/12/19/udas-india-gang-rape-outrage.cnn

A beginning !

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Sun, 9 Dec 2012 21:07:00 +0530

Often times i have mused over why and what caused the ultimate demise of the so many things in me. While i can spend ample amount of time talking about stuff that put me off track, the primary reason i believe is my inability to manage and to take control.

I am due for a vacation in another 2 weeks. More importantly this is my first real vacation in 3 years. Of course the trip is contentious, the planning vague and the things to look forward to still a blur, but whats been true so far is being cash strapped, more money to roll down the drain and of course coming back broke to start all over again. But hell ! i guess that is something that is inevitable, considering the fact that i am now a NRI. I realize now why the NRI's are known as the Non Returning Indians !!!

So lets start the end of this year with the belief that i would be able to blog regularly. Maybe not much but at least a post a week. Life is catching up, kids, home, work i guess they will remain for a long time to come, i now need to get back to my grove. Work and stuff will always be a part of me, but activities i so dearly cherish are in my blood and i just need to bleed once a week ...

Hopefully, I will be able to keep this !

Godmen and C P !!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Sun, 1 May 2011 07:12:00 +0530

I am a big fan of C P Surendran, not because like him, I seek an identity myself but perhaps the fact that his writings are so very much spot on. Infact people with average IQ can follow what he says and identify with him. Best of all, he asks questions or throws light on facts that the common man would ask. I am yet to come across anyone who can write so fluidly..

Now why did I mention him, in the first paragraph, well the reason would be clear at the fag end of the post. Now that finally the so called GOD has been laid to rest, print media would get something else to write about. For starters, I do not need to see all the celebrities tweeting their hearts out for this man, neither do I need to see someone I immensely respect as a sports person, shed tears for him.

It was kind of shocking to see Sachin Tendulkar with moist eyes for this man, but the more I reasoned about it, the more I felt that despite having 350+gods, we STILL take refuge in godmen/women. Why do we need this? What could possibly be the reason that eastablished and the most sane people chuck everything out of their life and follow these guys ? Would I ever ? I hope I never. I mean in terms of faith, I maybe a tad lower than my better half but come what may I just don’t see myself stopping for a visit to any godman or woman no matter what.

We have come a long way from being a archaic ideaology driven caste based society to its present form. True a lot of things still need to change but I guess most of us if not all have atleast 50% less complaints from our religion, whatever it maybe as compared to our predecessors. The winds of change have mostly left us with a sense of belonging to a sect most of the time.

What has perhaps not changed et all is our dependence on godmen or intermediaries that the supporters would like to call them. Whether we need them or not is debatable of course but I cant help but chuckle everytime someone advises me about any such folks. Maybe I am the lucky one, I just had to pray and my problems were resolved. I still feel more at peace going to a temple and sitting around than going to a satsang or prancing around showing my faith. I certainly hope I stay like that till I go six feet under …

And now as a parting thought let me leave you guys with this article, which would give reasons for my first para, ask a few questions to both supporters and detractors alike and hopefully leave you smiling if not a chukle …

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India-Circus/entry/why-does-sathya-sai-baba-need-a-ventilation-system

World Cup Encounters !!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Wed, 6 Apr 2011 00:47:00 +0530

So after a gap of 28 years we got the World Cup. I would be lying if I said I did not utter a prayer, hoping we get the cup this time not for anyone but for Sachin. Somewhere deep down, I very strongly felt that he is worthy of holding the world cup before he retires. The youthfulness that he has, I sure hope it (the retirement) does not happen anytime soon.

Another player I absolutely loved watching this tournament was Yuvraj, it sure was a treat and I hope after his partying and such activities he gets back to the game and keeps giving it his best as he did this tournament. Lastly the person we all love to trash Sreesanth. You might end up saying he is a lucky mascot but more than being a mascot, I think he is lucky himself as luck would have it we ended up on the winning side and he got himself a crore rupees + a villa worth 55 lacs for being such a poor sport.

The only think I feel probably didn’t go well was the fact that I ended up arguing and finally breaking off all ties with an old mate. Well it took me sometime to do that, but I guess he had it coming. We all can act pretty immature when young but for some experience and age does not contribute to any sort of maturity if et all. They all like to live in their so own world guided by lethargic principles and their demented concepts and composure. It was crazy, with me tweeting and being constantly on Facebook and at the same time responding to their stupid messages and emails.

I for starters have a very thin margin of error for such retarded folks and I guess that is what showed up that day. Coming in uninvited, making a totally irresponsible if not pathetic comment and using a public forum to voice what I see as a stupid line of thought was too much I could take. I had to give it back and I did which eventually lead to this, but I can safely say, it never made me feel I went overboard. For now I am glad I don’t have to talk to or act normal with this person and that’s pretty much what matters to me.

Life is looking good, I am getting back to my passions be it reading or just walking around aimlessly. I have a few wants here and there, which are going to be taken care of albeit in due course. I have a few ideas up my sleeve and I am glad I have started to work on them in some ways if not all. I look forward to each day and every trial and tribulation that comes I am confident of facing it as and when it happens...

Is it just the new me or has some bug bit me ... Aah I don’t know and honestly I don’t care as the truth is ... I am LOVING it ...

Successful !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Wed, 8 Dec 2010 05:25:00 +0530

what would you define as success ? is there a well thought and defined success title? I mean when would you say I am successful? does wealth or title or other such monetary belongings define success? Do you feel you are successful? I am dealing with questions like this a lot these days. I am also dealing with what is known as attitude. Do I have the attitude to succeed? Do I have an "attitude" or can I ever get to a point where my attitude takes me where I wish to go ?

Truth be told, I don’t feel I am successful, but neither do I feel I have failed. given the choices, I made the best of the opportunities that were presented to me and while, I did falter, I have had my fair share of success. If being pulled down and yet being able to surface and keep yourself alive defines or can be taken as an essential part of success then yes I am successful. On the other hand, job title, monetary and other such benefits defines success then maybe I am not successful. I was never lucky enough to boast of a bank balance, but if I am asked whether I have enjoyed life, then yes, I have and anyone who knows me will vouch for that.

In fact, I had zeroes in my account as I had student loans and other such expenses to pay (how important or necessary were they would be the topic of an all together different blog post) but then I got married and I realized that my life pretty much of a zero till then could and did change. It was a welcome change because now what looked impossible to me seems possible.

It’s a combination of these that lead me to think what success would mean to me or how would I define success and whether I am successful. It also leads me to think what my attitude is like, and how good or better it has become and if it’s not, what do I need to change and how ? If I ever get around to changing myself what would the change be like? would I be happy being successful in everyone's eyes and a forced one for me ? or would I be happy if I consider myself successful while the world does not ? If I ever have kids ( I want to but I don't know if I would ever) would they judge me by my eyes or that would bring a third kinda reasoning I would need to consider?

While I would never let myself falter in something I pick up, of lately I have began to notice that more than challenges, I prefer certainty. I like the prospect of taking the same route to go to work, the bank of whatever I am doing, than trying stunts or maybe take a calculated risk ( e.g. invest in stocks). Is that just me or is it age that’s catching up? Sure thing I have spent quite a few months mulling over this fact but as of yet, I do not have a respite. I do consider myself lucky, I have got most if not all of what I wanted, but my worry is my list of wants seem to grow while my chances of getting them in this life type seem to ebb. it's toxic and this elegant (if I could ever say so) mulch which was supposed to do good is slowly eating away inch by inch with time ...

it remains to be seen, if I would ever gather my thoughts, get over my trepidation and perhaps get a definite answer for now I am trying to float and I am hoping as the storm breezes over I might just find a new land, a new beginning or more importantly a meaning in this lifeless pursuit... amen .....

Crash Land ...

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 09:51:00 +0530

Hop, Skip and Jump, if i could ever describe my career in 3 words, this would be it. The eternal crests and troughs, as i go through the different phases of a professional career. Which reminds me, how many of you guys actually burn out as much as I do or maybe even faster?

Its going to be 3 years since i first came to this country. Time sure flies, in this time period, i hopped from being a consultant to a full time employee skipped as i fought hard to win a losing battle which was to face an imminent lay off, joined another tech major only to get "REDDIED" that i finally landed up where i am right now. 3 years, 4 employers and people yet believe, we guys are taking away jobs, when the truth is, its a vicious circle and it takes more than guts to survive.

I wish i had it easy. At times i really do, but i know for sure, that if I was supposed to have it so easy, i might not even try to survive as much as i do now. Now that makes sense to me, unless it really consumes me, i lose interest faster than a stressed out woman, who is given a no limits credit card to shop.

As i leave out the cosy confines of Ohio, i look out and suddenly i realize, it is beautiful, much beautiful that i thought. The early morning sun ain't playing any games, and the beautiful forests on either side of the interstate don their hats of fog in all their splendor. I actually want to stop and take a few snaps, but I am afraid, if I change my mind, I might just head back home and forget about relocation and this new position all together.

And then it happens. I am jolted back from sleep, kaput!!! the dream is over and with that all my major plans, i had been making. It does not matter if its not my fault. If someone took as much as 1 month to roll out an offer and 2 months to even begun processing my transfer application. In the end, a budget cut made all the difference and I was left holding onto an offer letter which is perhaps worth as much as a toilet paper.

I might have seen it coming, but if i did i think i overlooked it. Even in corporate america, people do actually make you an offer and then conveniently refuse to honor it. so who do i complain to now? actually no one, because the more i look at it, the more i feel that this is how it was meant to be.

I started off at a new firm, a far less glamorous role that whatever i had done so far. It keeps me busy, i don't leave work till about 7-8 in the evening. It consumes me much more than i had bargained for and most importantly, it rarely gives me the time to think about what went wrong and where. I am waiting for time, I know it heals all wounds, and i am waiting to see how long it takes.

As for now, life goes on. I suddenly miss Ohio a lot more, i have reasons to, I had a few good friends there and life was a ball at least till last month it was. But looks like god had other plans and so here I am. Hopefully this experience will make me a stronger man, if not better so lets just wait and see how it goes ...

Aah Life... here i come ....

A state of mind !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Wed, 9 Jun 2010 00:07:00 +0530

Often at times, i have felt the need to kneel, to pray or maybe just sit around doing nothing but retrospect. In reality, i think the time is approaching. the past few days especially I feel the need to be inside myself. Leaving aside the diagnosis, the perils i will face as my life begins to form shape, a part of me right now is just longing to idle

While the exterior has taken some beating given the state of my health, the rest of the body is still fine and it would be a sheer waste of an abundant life if i do not even try to reach my potential

Having said that, somehow i feel drained, a part of me is always tired, wanting to rest, take a break, while the other half is sprinting, trying to keep the pace, move quickly and swiftly, duck and take cover cause my life depends on it. I feel like i am in one of those spy movies, where being alert and on the move is the only difference between a bullet and your temple. The rest of the time goes in tracking your prey and in preparing to be alive.

The good news being, I am not ready to give up, at least not without a fight, the bad news being, if i give up, it will take along with it 2 lives, one being mine and the other being my better half. Fortunately, every time i see her, I feel pride and if i ever happen to be a sissy it would be such a let down. So diagnosis aside, i promised i will do my best, the rest as they say is in gods hands.

I now feel more unrest than usual, we all have a definite and perhaps a short life span, and i somehow feel there is so much for me to do.. i want to do that one step at a time and i think i am on the right path and i am hoping my energies hold, i really do.

I am out in the wild my running shorts on, and the cold breeze hitting my face. I huff and puff hardly the marathon runner i used to be but hey I am getting there, i am getting the much needed push from the wind god and I have more reasons now to see the finish line early ...

After all, we all have a definite time frame and decidedly there is so much to do .....

Grudges, Stupidity, Bullshit and more ...

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Sun, 4 Apr 2010 07:42:00 +0530

There is at times a very good reason to hold a grudge. I know forgiveness is the new mantra for life, forgive this, forgive that and the works

Harbor bitterness and you get lose it all and the countless feel good stories based on forgiveness but you know what ? nothing makes me feel better than a well nourished grudge and quite rightly so, because everytime my grudge is bought to the surface, i tend to just rightfully pay it back with equally bitterness.

Take for example my grudge aganist my ex manager. She could not stand the fact that someone could walk away with the honors apart from her. Thus began a saga of discredit and disdain, which ended when i threw my resignation letter. For a while i thought about forgiveness but trust me everytime i tried to forgive, my alter ego came up with equally stronger reasons to give it back. Give it back i did albeit in a silent manner, when right before her very eyes, I went on to get promoted and finally fall in the same seniority grade as her. I pity her, not for skills, she is damn good technically or othewise, its just sad that to win, you end up crushing people to move ahead. I empowered people to move ahead, not crush them , Like i said before i got this position, i am in right now.. I compete with myself not with peers or with my colleagues ...

So all you people who believe in forgiveness, get on get a game and nourish a good grudge first and the pleasure you get when you give it back and then lets sit and talk about forgiveness. For all i care, I would give your petty talks two hoots and walk away ..

Ohh by the way i forgot to add the stupid flop tennis star wants to marry a twice married fraud. so what will we see next? Pakistan playing mediator in afghanistan or iraq? I have never till date ever sided with these religious guys, infact i hate them to the core but hear me out, I am no gandhian .. for all you know you try to kick my butt and depending on the circumstances, i either screw the day lights out of you or tap the dust out of my pants and wal on.. but consider this

So what clinched the deal? Money ? Status ? Privileges ? Or All ?

You ask me, I would say its such a shame.

Is there a dearth of equally if not better qualified people from your own sect within our country ?

You were born here, raised here, got every single government benefit, endorsements and the works and then this?

Critics might want to pan me saying It's personal, yeah maybe it is, but what about the countless who lost their lives in the terrorist attacks from the past year? Can you ever forget Major Unnikrishnan, Captain Saurabh Kalia, Or Major Manish Pitambare. Do you have any sense of equality, you want to cross borders and sync up with the very people who instigated, supported and encouraged this slaughter?

Sure our twice married, jihadi hero is in love a second time and that too when the first one is still around. I say here is what we should do. Throw her out, revoke her citizenship and throw every single f^^^^^ who sides with these infidels. The moment we do this, the country is freed and our state remains for the people it actually belongs too.

I could write more, quite honestly but as i said its personal, this blog is personal and my views are personal. But i am quite keen to hear if any indian worth his salt can every forgive this. I know for sure, i will hold this grudge and just as i said, I am really loving it ...

We lack the balls to ever take action and quite honestly there will be more to come .. for now sit back enjoy the mega serial this event will unfold for every as^^^^associated with this inglorious event will want to share the limelight and the media which for ever keeps us occupied with such mundane and bull shit will keep the pyre going ....

Kudos to the press for highlighting this bull shit and to both the parties involved, you all belong to the under league and quite rightly so ...

Attitude is nothing i say ...

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 05:18:00 +0530

There are some things i forgot to do over the past few months. one of them was reading blogs. I mean, i didnt write much myself but its a great pleasure to read the blogs of my fellow counterparts and it set me thinking

We define attitude as everything. A right attitude can lead to this, to that and so on .. but sometimes does having just an attitude helps?

I followed the careers of my few of my friends very closely. I can safely vouch for their technical acumen and their adaptability yet somehow its interesting to note that some of them are way ahead of the others there are a few deserving who dont seem to make much progress. What could be the reason?

As we all sit around and discuss our midlife crises, it also bought to us an interesting point. Sometimes just having an attitude is not of much help. In a professional organization, not just a few instances but many a times we have to agree to things we would not normally do. You can blame it on policy, bad management or sometimes just ill luck. A few of us are fortunate to challenge old epithets and get away with it while a few of us, can just sit and sulk and pretty much do nothing about it. The situation is worse when you are a new entry to a company. You have to prove you are a chip of the old block and that frankly can be your undoing.

Moving on, i guess work wise there are 2 aspects that anyone whos keen on moving up the corporate ladder should know. One is the work aspect you need to be extremely good at your work no doubt, the other being the soft skill aspect. The need to understand the corporate hierarchy and move your ass around the ship always away from the tide touching its stern. A few of them are accomplished players .. they either know before hand the ship is going to sink because of which they jump or they realise which way its going to bend and move towards the other side. Either case some of us lose while there clearly are winners.

I am in such a soup my friend. I can be called a Maoist by people who are averse to communism and a naxalite in a free democracy but fact of the matter is I am still to learn, which way the tide is so as to be not caught unawares. Sure i see success, I see long term gains, but either case some of them are really stuff, I would never do ever again, given a chance.

All said and done the choice this time around is clearly not in my hands and till such a time comes, I have to grind my teeth and bear it all i guess. Attitude is nothing I say .. Move around guys, if you are lucky you might just fit in as some do as for most of us, we clearly never belonged ....

Am back !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 08:48:00 +0530

Yo guys ... after a long time I am back again, of course to rant and rave about what i feel .. So what stopped me in the first place? Well nothing much, just that the vagaries of life caught up with me and I was stuck trying to clear all the muck..

So how successful have I been, well not much .. but not bad either. For those of you who don't know me much .. I am A SINK now ... yeah .. Single Income No Kids you see .. It will be sometime before i get to DINK mode .. yeah right .. Double Income No Kids ... as wifey has to do an MS first, get a job next and then if we both have the desire get to the third stage ...

Yeah I am a family man now .. been married for 2 months .. so how does it feel .. well practically nothing much as changed except that I cant spend as much as i wish, I get warm food almost each day .. and what i used to rant on this blog, i give it to someone who's at my beck and call each day.

But seriously guys .. I am glad i found my kinda person this soon. We do have our fair share of cold wars but thankfully it doesn't last much. Lets just hope she gets into a good school for MS because the very thought of being in debt for another 3-4 years is quite frankly very scary. But then that's what this country is all about. Line of credit is what drives this country in case you didn't know ...

So lets hope i am able to put a post up atleast once a week. For my regulars, KK, ancient mariner, starcast .. dudes i am back for the rest of the cast .. watch out ... I am just starting to rant again ...

A target to reach in my life time !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 03:46:00 +0530

she works double shifts now .. blame it on the recession .. even government firms are not hiring .. not just that your options are pretty much limited. just like the western countries, age and experience are being frowned upon. Well maybe not in all cases but surely to an extent.

Sure i do not have any official word on this, nor would i care because quite frankly i would just go with her word on this. i do not see a reason as to why at an age when she should be playing with her grand kids each of them adorable and equally demanding.. she works 12 - 14 hours shifts

I would dare not ask her like i do to some that if its not estimated well and takes more effort then its not your problem but the project managers as I usually do .. i would dare not ask her why is she so concerned about her job when government firms are notorious for lethargic workers and bureaucracy and where strictly a 9-5 job still remains the norm.i would dare not ask her to settle into retirement and rest her tired feet and i would dare not ask her why she needs the money as anything she needs i can send .. you know why ?

Its because I am her product. As i sit and crib and balk about inefficient project managers, bottom huggers as colleagues and large scale groupism from certain sections of my own community who seem to be everywhere around here , i realise she does not even have half the comforts that i am getting

She sits under a 1940's ceiling fan, that still needs a huff and puff to get started, she works with archaic documents and volumes that require looking into multiple sources for single entry and worst of all she still takes the peak hour squishy trains to get to work.

I am her product yet i do not look half refreshed at the end of a 12 hour shift most of which i spend staring at a blue machine .. i drive a sedan to work and i sit in an air conditioned cube with tools to get information with a few clicks, yet i am more worried, more tired and far older for my age. as for the money, if i am not mistaken, I roughly make about 6 times the amount she makes post taxes ...

As i muddle to get through another working day, i look back and see her face, its radiant, its charming and she is all geared up to face another day. Her energies are all cdirected towards what comes next and how to tackle it, yesterday is gone, tommorrow might never come and today is what is true .. today demands her attention and thats pretty much about it

I i cant mimic her atleast to some extent, what a sad case it would be ... This one is for you "Mom" if i ever become even half as successful as you are, I would consider it to be a life well spent ....

Here's Wishing you a very Happy Birthday Mom ....

End of a "Hiatus"

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 20:16:00 +0530

After a bigggggg hiatus, I am back. When you write as a part of a bigger team, you tend to get lost with the crowd, and now that i have scared the regulars away, i thought this would be a good time to get back to my first one and so here I am.....

Friday marked, the second week of my tumultous journey in US of A. I had jumped from a sweat shop to a "american" company and now i am back to the grind with another sweat shop. Personally for me the change has been BIG, but I am not complaining. In a country where job losses happen faster than you change your pants, and being recession time, I have a job and yeah I am "in status" .. so what the heck can you ever complain for ?? ...

So i like this new place, rent is cheap, vast open spaces, straight roads ( just hold the steering wheel in place, even if you are drunk silly ... you would reach home). Apart from that as long as you know a smattering of indian languages like i do ... you would be fine .. all you need to do is flip from "moooooooooo" to an indy language and you can get along just fine. ( of course lots of desis, and cows and bulls being the only people around also helps ...)

So i am starting off again, new job, new place , new people and new work ethics, where mixing of business and personal life is a surety and no topic, however personal it may be being out of bounds. Compare that to the american way of life where work is just business and business and personal life is not mixed ever, the change is immense.

I am unsure which one i prefer because sometimes ineveitably work and personal life tend to fuse together albeit for a short time, its during those moments i would rather want to see a human face than something thats deviod of emotions. Of course that also means, I tend to keep things to myself and am in no hurry to open up, try as much as people do to open the clam shell.

Thankfully a new place also has a lot of charm to it so i do have my hands full trying to figure where can i get what and so on ... I due hope this transition is a short one and i do not hang around a lot either at this place or with this fortune company so i guess keeping myself occupied would be the best way to be ahead in the game ...

So now that my cuppa of cappuccino is over, its time to head over to the gate, i can hear my name being called and if i am not on it, i will miss the flight. I promise i will write in as reglarly as i can and if you guys can get hang of my sense of humour I can bet you would be back as soon as i post ....

Have a good "working week" ahead ....

Why?

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Fri, 3 Apr 2009 15:45:00 +0530

Dear God,

I am not a bad person, I am human..

I believe in marriage, as I found the right one

I believe It will last, as I know It takes two to tango...

I like to smile, as I have learnt to laugh my worries away

I don't seek to control, as I have learnt to set free and be free

I don’t Intend to cheat, as I believe In honesty Is the best policy

I know I am just, I just need to evaluate myself the same way

I know I have a heart, as I have It scratched every now and then..

I am competitive, I can lose miserably to all kids almost every time

I don’t give forgiveness, I pardon most issues 24 hrs after they happened

I don’t believe In astrology, There is zero truth in what my star sign has to say..

I am proud, I come up the hard way and I believe in myself and my roots

I am always willing to do what it takes, because an effort is never wasted if the intention to begin with is right

THEN ....

WHY AM I TRYING TO BE IN CONTROL

THEN WHY AM I SO ANTSY ABOUT SUCH TRIVIAL THINGS ??

IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME OR IS IT MY SPECIAL DAY ??

Where is my job ?

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Thu, 5 Feb 2009 09:42:00 +0530

The other day I got zonked. Well for someone who strictly does not follow the 9-5 rule, being zonked is a big deal. In my professional life so far err well maybe not at the start, I have been a stickler for time. Now time in that sense according to me just means deliver when you said you would and hey if you make promises on my behalf, I would just stand up and say “dude .. its not me !!

But then everyone knows office politics and what’s it all about and the little ones who cant play politics will soon be drilled by the fire sergeant to do so as is happening in my case. So getting zonked was a kinda time bomb in the waiting ..

I wish the weekend would come soon .. no not that I have any plans as such, but it’s for a working lunch and boy I can really do with some great home cooked food because for the past 2 weeks I have been surviving on Oats and cereals and fruits alone. Now if my already shrinking waist wasn’t good enough, even my attention pattern seems to be dwindling. The positive aspect, I am asleep the moment my head touches the pillow.

Anyways thanks to the recession and job cuts I have had enough issues trying to save my ass and if that was not enough, I really have some tall accomplishments to be made this quarter. Not that I am hoping to achieve all of them, at least 2 seem impossible to me at this point of time but yet, I would rather try and achieve them then just give up as yet and yeah they changed the damn rule which means I will be appraised every quarter and the sum of which will ultimately give me a 50$ hike in my monthly pay check. Whoever thinks they are much worse off would seem to glow in the midst of our terrible irony …

So as I fight to save my ass, my job and yeah my receding hairline, I just hope you guys are having a wonderful time. In part a big thanks to viva, humpee and yeah KR…it really did take a lecture from you guys to get me away from hibernation but then as I write this post, I want to let out another secret hehehe, I have been blogging on another site from quite some time now and that’s why the step motherly treatment to this blog LOLZZ

So for the regular’s and the not so regular’s I am on the firing line here and I have 2 options now before me, either stand in and be safe or stand out and perish. Which means put on your dancing shoes cause you have to dance to the tune of people who manage you, get out your happy dent smile, because you need to show you brush and you are ok, when deep down you are screaming “B^^^^^^^ F^^^^^^” and last but not the least, leave at least 20 minutes after your boss leaves and arrive 20 minutes before he does so that you are deemed as hard working.

At the end of all this blame game either of the 2 things can happen. I will turn out to be a jerk like the ones I have to deal with in and out each day or I have started my own business the idea for which is still forming and so are the finances and the expertise and the urge and the ……ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Good night guys, sleep tight and yeah have a great working errr great weekend ahead …..

My World This Week !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 06:06:00 +0530

Its exactly a month before i take a vacation and in that time frame there are lot of changes happening like for instance .....

1. i am growing a beard, i dont know if i am giving osama any competition. i am just kinda forming a layer of hair actually but then add to that my skin color and my "err asian" looks i get my fair share of cops and wary eyes watching me when i go to the airport or visit the train station.

2. i am on a shopping spree and i see myself scouting the newspapers and bargain outlets for deals all the time. which explains why i tend to leave office at 6 in the evening each workday and return by 10.00 empty handed or otherwise.

3. To complement my beard, i have a mop of hair. i keep twisting and turning them around to cover the uggh not so covered areas. basically anything to keep myself from appearing bald, but then if wishes were horses, beggars would fly ...

4. i am rediscovering my old wardrobe, somehow a beard and formals never go hand in hand, they look best with faded jeans and a tee as i just realised. way to go pal .....

5. Tabasco sauce tastes better with everything. Its only when after a few hours or mins that you feel the heat do you realise what burning sensation is all about.

6. Cleaning out the garage is akin to cleaning out the refridgerator. Both have equal amounts of junk in it, except that garage sales over ebay can make you richer unlike the fridge

7. i can be a jerk well not that i was any better but i am the only ass at the LLS society who has refused "Blue Ice" a date twice. I am not desperate for a relation and i dont want an arm candy ...

8. New York is great, but SFO is better, my teeth dont chatter and my nose does not hurt. It gets a bit too sunny at times but I can still wear shorts and show off my skinny legs if not anything else

9. Teddy bears are not for kids, if a teddy keeps staring at you as you wake up each day, you will soon fall in love with it as i just realised.

10. Buy the same number of gifts unless you want to see a mini world war at home. Dont' believe me wait till you have 2 nieces who are "bold and beautiful" and follow Chinese martial arts to the core !!!

Ahh The Times !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Mon, 3 Nov 2008 20:41:00 +0530

Ohhhh the feeling is back, its finally the time when ....

1. People all around me shower me with advice and judgments from reel/real life and all i am
supposed to do is pick up the tab

2. When to retain my sanity and to not let my parents down i bob my head up and down to show
i understand every word of it, when in reality i am just being polite. Being polite is quickly understood as being either retarded or in dire need of help and advice and the story continues ....

3. I look at my old apartment and memories flood in and i realise being nice i was just ripped off 500$ by way of deposit money. Money that would have reduced the numerous loans i keep paying

4. I walk around hoping to watch the scenary, and i find i am increasingly lead back to my growing up years in one of the sprawling cities thats already bursting at its seams ...

5. That its been 17 days and 5 hrs when i have been sleeping when everyone's awake and working when everyone's asleep ..

6. I am juggling my gift list, bills and my laundary list faster than "Hussain Bolt" did his 100/200 meters since the "free time" time period just got shorter by 1/4th of its original time frame.

7. I know what a merry go around is, since i seem to be back to square one when it comes to taking a very important decision in my life.

8. That i am being considered "amoral" since i went out with a friend i knew from college days and secondly since I do not want to begin a relationship with her because
- i am past my prime for these hilly dilly romances ...
- she is already reeling under the after effects of a "relation"
- I don't feel i am in love with her and trying to start something is akin to taking advantage of the "Being Vunerable" feeling that she is going through..

ohh btw vids had to give me a piece of her mind for my last stance and i am yet to understand where am i wrong ...

8. I just reached my expiry date today ... "Happy Birthday" to me ...

All this and that !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Tue, 7 Oct 2008 11:12:00 +0530

so what’s happening guys, I have to admit, I did miss familiar feeling but I was neck deep in trouble all the while be it work or otherwise. So finally my scripts are ready, the code works just great, the unit tests if there ever was one will print super results and more importantly a host of people who have their mouths open on looking at this piece of work, would finally have the insight to shut them close.

so what did I do apart from work? played less, hit the road countless times, backed into a parked Honda and went 90 mph on a 45 mile zone because I had a presentation to make which was just minutes away from its start. so once the after effects of mom’s departure to New York were dulled, I decided to shift from my present apartment. You see I liked the sea facing apartment very much, but considering the fact that I am as smart with my money as a 2 year old would be with a brand new iphone, I realized for once I need to use the nonexistent grey cells and perhaps move over to a cheaper or a more spacious place.

Wrestling out the last piece of furniture I was nostalgic as the truck I was driving hit the paved road, but for once I had made a difficult decision and was done with it pretty quick. 2 days - 10 hours of cleansing and my new apartment is ready ( I share it with a roomie ), I parted the drapes to get a clearer view of the lagoon the balcony faces and I looked back happily at the kayak ready for its initial plunge into its greenish backwaters. My eyes wander around taking in the serenity ...everything is neat and well arranged ...AND Something tells me I am ready ....

So much for work, I also went on my first date err... yeah ... was chirpy whenever she was around and add to it, was the laughter. So I kinda assumed if she is so dumb to laugh at my stupidest joke, hell she can laugh pretty much as hard as I do. So finally got some dum in my bum ( non linguistic readers, please don’t ask me what it means though please) and asked her out. Yeah yeah it took me 2 weeks, to finally get around to that and boy we had fun...But you know what, I am rapidly reaching the expiry date ( err the marriage date) so I guess this dating and stuff will soon die its normal death just as much as loafing around during teenage years did ...

I also was fortunate enough to "Eat" soup at my friends place. You see some of the curries we make can really get hot and my good friend in an effort to match the small Sunday afternoon lunch at my place called me over to sample some of her delicacy. I admit, my appetite died after the first few morsels, but hey I cleaned my plate pretty much as I don’t like to waste food and more so, I believed the effort put in was pretty much worth the trouble. So readers who are total foodies like me, please do tell your friends that corn starch doesn’t need to be spoonful for making soup for 2, half a spoon will do the trick, or else we would have corn cake instead of corn soup as my friend found out ....( now you get the "ate" soup picture ...??)

I have a truckload of clothes I need to iron out. Given my propensity to get up exactly 5 minutes to 9 each morning and rush through to make it to office by 10, I kinda figured Tee and Jerseys make up for what is termed as business casuals. Consequently it’s not hard to figure me out from the crowd. I am the only guy in office who can land up in a tee and jeans even on a Monday morning...

So finally ...

I promise, I will do some laundry this week ....

I promised I will work on improving my handwriting..

I also promise, I will spend less and earn more ..

Same goes for work less and chill out ... (yawnnn....)

I also promise ....... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(thank you for reading so far ... :) )

Seeing Zeroes !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 23:44:00 +0530

It’s the time of the day when the number games seems to loom large. Don’t know what I mean, well I am talking about the zeroes you see in your bank account. Ohh wait a minute, it’s not that easy either, I need to be specific like free checking, savings, student savings etc etc… man I tell you this country has such a complicated system at times I can’t figure out if they are referring to my toes or my thumb at times …

Maybe that’s reason enough for me to want to go back to school I guess. Yeah right, they won’t teach me how to identify my toe from my thumb, I guess I can do that myself if required to, but surely they will teach me to lay on such a verbal diarrhea that if not confused myself, it will surely confuse confuse himself… whoa man I guess I am getting there ..….

So coming back to the point, I logged back to my account to check my balance and I realized I have more “0” in my account than I had anticipated, at first a feeling of elation hit me thinking my pay check has arrived and then …

Ohh wait a minute its only the middle of the month, who the hell pays you out before your biweekly pay period closes in, I wondered, then panicked, did I lose my job, I tell you in this country getting a pink slip is as easy as shopping at walmart and with the recession in and merger that just happened, don’t blame my mind for working overtime .. suddenly all the negativity in the world was well within my reach and then I realized I was looking at the wrong figure ….

The title said …. You have been preapproved for a credit card with minimum limit of 7_ _ _ _

Man I tell you I am growing old … I really am …. And i didn't even have to enter the misery club ( i.e. marriage) to feel so ....

My Mother !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Mon, 7 Jul 2008 06:09:00 +0530

I am staring at her, as she goes about her chores with amazing ease. Truth be told, the more i look at her, the more enamored i am with her sheer guts and tenacity. Sometimes i wonder how i didnt learn this from her, i mean she was my earliest teacher and its so pathetic that the very skills i adore in her are some how not just in the huge quantity that it should be...

On a serious note i was forced to think, and on a funny note i REALIZED ....

1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...

"Just 2 more days and then its your vacation time :)."

2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....

" Sasi ettan is coming home tomorrow, Be prepared to receive what you deserve"

3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...

"Ninne innu njan sheri aaki teram ( aka ... i will set you straight today, just wait .. )"

4. My Mother taught me LOGIC...

"Money does not grow on trees, go and ask your dad for it"

5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...

"Its not the air that reeks, its your socks"

6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...

"Its just a short walk and i look at my watch and realise we have been walking for the past 30 mins"

7. My Mother taught me HUMOR...

"Dont Study, you can join those gangsta boys and waste your life "

8. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...

"My shorts were always a size bigger"

9. My Mother taught me about GENETICS...

"Dont talk like your father"

10. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...

"Finish your meal, you are not ambani's son in case you dont know :)"

Ps: Thanks Bizzworks for giving me this template :)

This week and the next !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Wed, 28 May 2008 04:21:00 +0530

I have been getting this urge to write from quite a long time, but fact is, the moment, I sit with the pen and paper (traditional style) or windows word facing me, my mind goes blank. This is so typical of me you see. Here I am all of but 2* years of age, brimming with enthu, all daring and set to go, and then for reasons unknown I just put them down and pick up something else.

Anyways I had a busy weekend and work apart, I had a smattering of issues to tackle. It’s been a pain in the b*** to get some stuff done and the more I delay it the worse it seems to get. So there I am early morning 10.00 waiting for an update from Ms Know all when what was expected was an informal email, documenting the results I had asked for.

To top it all with food in the mouth, all I can hear is a whoosh here a scoop there as I am busy trying to dodge those missiles flying out while at the same time look professional. Then followed vigorous hand movements emphasizing the points and all the time, the can of soda bobbed up and down like a buoy, click I hear a snap and better sense mandated, I step out of the cube least I get a soda bath ….. . I could bet the housekeeping lady would certainly be all steam tonight on account of having to clean the carpet ….

This reminds me a friend of mine has started her own website. Dudes and dudettes ( if ever there was one word as such), feel free to link onto Tia here.

Disclaimer: Enter at your own risk !!!

3 days, 1 car err sorry SUV and 2 bored guys. One a handsome bored young man ( me of course) and the other a 40 something Amitabh Bacchan who thinks he is Antonio Banderas and of course a world authority on anything Mexican ever since he moved to San Diego errr its Saaaan Deeeyaagooo Senor !!!

So bottom line, he wants to track his so called lineage (just kidding) which mandates me driving him 100 miles north of here to a quaint place called San Juan Bautista. We had a good time, he getting drunk and sleeping for the most part of the 3 hour back and forth journey and the 5 hours we spent in San Juan.

As for me there aint any better pleasure than driving at top speed, with an SUV at my command, enjoying the view and going clickety click click. For a change I liked “A” few snaps of mine that someone else clicked :)) …. (reminds me, heyy senorrr, the photos are coming in to saaan deeeyagoo by Friday …) The town is great, just a quaint old town, dotted with little houses on either side, followed by an 1800 built sacristy. I am not a museum freak and frankly more than the little artifacts of history, it was the simplicity that regaled my senses.

The flip side, with so much of eating out, I hear a rumble and then everything flows. Thank god, I skipped dinner last night else it would have been a mayhem trying to juggle work life with these so called frequent bouts of sitting on the you know where….

And yes i discovered this song and frankly, i could just relate to it big time, catch the song here and the lyrics here

But having said that you know the best part, this week is almost over and the next week will be swifter. Had it not been for the huge travel time almost half the time to travel from my hometown to US, I would have spent the weekend there, with my parents and dad’s already complaining I am taking longer than usual to be there with them. Plus my brother graduates from a top league Ivy School and it’s my turn to watch with pride as he walks down the aisle wearing the gown and the satisfied smile on his face.

Eventful week and a more eventful one is on its way. No wonder I am flying in the air waiting for the days to just pass by ….

New Hampshire, here I come ……

Today i lost it all !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Mon, 12 May 2008 20:13:00 +0530

Today I lost it all, the count, the euphoria, the hope .. the works …

Today I lost it all …..

Gone is my peace, gone is my confidence,

I sometimes wonder, all this over a single incident???

If it was so fragile, how can I ever be agile?

Is it so difficult to learn from the incident …

THAT ….

If it’s so dependent, I would NEVER ever be independent !!!

Taken for Granted !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 23:23:00 +0530

S says …

Need some help, can you pick me up from Hillsdale Caltrain …

What it means is …

I will land in the middle of the day, and you will need to sneak out from a meeting to drive 6 miles to and fro to do the needful

S says …

You got quarters…..

What it means is …

I am going to clean out the coin box of your car, so please add more quarters in to pay the toll …

S says ….

I am reaching home, please wait for me. Going to the cal train station is expensive …

What it mean is

My back soon will last anytime from 45-60 minutes. I don’t want to pay $$ for the taxi, and $$ for the Cal Train, when I can hitch a free ride to San José in your car …

S says ...

So what plans for the dinner??

What it means is

I am hungry, haul your ass up here from office and cook something, it’s already 8.00 pm and I am hungry

S says ...

I feel like having XYZ for dinner??

What it means is

Please make XYZ for Lunch/Dinner? We will share the costs !! I will add the pennies to make it even and you can drive all around town to find the ingredients. I believe "gas" (err Petrol ..) to drive the car comes free with my request and if not just add some water to make it run faster ..

I think being accommodative is a crime, especially since these kinda people for one

1. Spot me even in a crowd and

2. Tend to latch on and somehow suck the last piece of chivalry I have left…

which makes me wonder whatever happened to the “dominant” character ….???

Names Literally !!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Avenger !!!) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 06:07:00 +0530

For all my country men !!!

It’s amazing how English names turn out to be a laugh riot when taken the literal meaning in our local dialects.

Take for example …

People I work with

Ding Ding Mary Hou ( no that’s not a prayer to mother mary, it’s a person. But yet I admit it kinda resembles Jai Jai Shiv Shankar ……)

Maire Barber (Don’t ask a mallu ever what “maire” means, unless you are out on a suicide mission )

Pei Le Chong ( The classic pee ley chong in hindi)

People I talked to

Hai Yan Wu (How do I say a Hi to this guy, and even if I do would he understand?)

Mai Ki Tang (Are baba, lets not touch this area !! shiva shiva, karmam karmam !!!)

Jon Guu ( Now if we translate his last name in hindi, it would be so gross)

Velichadi Karun (The first name has a special significance in Malayalam tho)

And last but not the least someone I interviewed

Hang Bang Dang !!! (You know someone the trigger happy types when you read this name !!! )

No wonder, the last 2 days have been so very pleasant for me !!!

PS: This post is not to offend anyone or any country, caste etc etc. Readers are advised to take the post with a pinch of salt or better still as the ramblings of a demented mind, either ways it suits me just fine !!!