Romance Meets Life

Harrison and Tochukwu Nwozo - Be honest, Communicate. Compromise.

2013-05-20T07:08:00.000-07:00

Harrison "Harry Baba" Nwozo Jr. is the founder and president of Tribe X Entertainment, LLC which has been responsible for promoting some of the greatest African, particularly Nigerian, events in the Washington DC metropolitan area since 2001. An Entertainment Consultant, Management & Promotional Expert, Harrison Nwozo is married to his wife and company VP, Tochukwu Nwozo, and they have three beautiful daughters. Enjoy their marriage avowals below;

How did you meet your wife?
I attended a surprise birthday party for a friend in Maryland in 2001. He was being surprised by his wife , she invited all his friends to the party. I noticed a beautiful young lady sitting in the corner. I went up to her, we chatted, we danced and exchanged numbers. We started a long distance relationship (she lived in New York at the time) until her company transferred her down to Maryland a year or two later.

How long have you been married?
Since 2003. Ten Years. We will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary at a few exotic travel venues this year.

How did you propose?
I put the ring, if I can remember, inside a box, that had several small boxes inside or something....something she had to open up, before she got to the one with the ring...I got down on one knee...and the rest is history..

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
I think the key , or keys, you need more than one, to a successful marriage , I call the three C'c, compromise, communication and companionship (friendship). You should have respect for one another, strengthen your friendship, trust by communicating, working together as a team and learn to accept each other's shortcomings while working together to help each other grow.
No one is perfect. You both have to realize this and work together as a team.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?(Tochukwu, the wife, replied..)
It has varied through the years- Right now, my favorite part about being married to my husband is the fun we have together. It's hard to stay mad at him because he will do everything in his power to make you laugh. There's never a dull moment with him. We love laughing and we could spend an hour just cracking jokes on each other or about something we saw. We genuinely enjoy each other's company. During our early years of marriage, my favorite part about being married to him was his commitment to the success of our marriage. That's really important in the early years, especially when the honeymoon phase starts to wind down and you start facing some real challenges.

What is the hardest part about being married?
With your marriage, you're basically trying to find a sound balance with various dynamics at play- you're dealing with identity issues as individuals and as a couple, general differences, children, joys, disappointments and so on. Once you find your rhythm, it's pretty much smooth sailing after that. You'll have disagreements and other challenges even thereafter, but the goal is to figure out and agree on a few fundamentals such as: 1. Your mutual commitment towards a successful and happy marriage for both individuals 2. Your commitment to God to commit to a successful and happy marriage where there is genuine love and respect for one another.

Do you have children?
yes, we have three lovely daughters

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
I love my children. It has actually made the marriage even more fun and exciting because we get to do so many different things with the kids...our children are adorable, beautiful and a blessing from God. We cherish every moment with them. We also take time for ourselves from time to time. We'd celebrate some anniversaries and Valentine's Days with the kids but we would also go on brunch or dinner dates or we'll take the day off from work (when the kids are in school/ daycare) and we'll go to the movies.

What is your advice to those dating or young couples?
I have a few pieces of advice:

For dating couples, at some point , when you feel the relationship is going in a very positive direction (hopefully marriage) introduce each other to each other's family members . Family not in your town or state? Use Skype to connect or plan to travel to see and meet each other's family members.

It sounds cliche but you really have to be able to communicate effectively in any relationship. If you're not communicative at the dating stage, it'll be even more challenging in your marriage. Know that your spouse is far from perfect, just like you, which is why God needs to be integrated into the relationship. He is the sole source of perfection. Love is not enough to make a marriage work, you need to be committed to the relationship and to one another.

Both individuals have to decide to be happily married and hold themselves accountable for that decision. You have to understand that the end goal is not just the marriage but a "happy, balanced married life". Your relationship should make you a better person and not be a detriment to your life/ success. Marriage in terms of the way a husband and wife relate to one another should be seen as an extension of the fun you have as a dating couple. The fun shouldn't stop because you're married. It may evolve a little bit as you mature and with additional responsibilities, but you shouldn't forget to have fun when you get married.

Be honest, Communicate. Compromise. Advise. Listen. Treat your partner like your best friend, be patient, share things, be prepared to sacrifice for the other person, support each other's projects and goals in life, support in education, work, don't leave God out of the relationship.

More Women Taking Their Husband's Last Names After Marriage

2013-05-20T05:30:00.000-07:00

Recent studies in America have consistently shown that the number of women taking their husbands' last name after marriage is on the rise. A longitudinal study published in 2009 found a increase in women leaving behind their maiden names after marriage, starting in the 1990s. In an April 2013 survey by HuffPost Weddings and YouGov, 61 percent of people surveyed said that women should take their husbands' name.

And it seems they have been doing just that. Just this week, a new survey of Facebook users, in partnership with The Daily Beast, hints at just how many women are choosing to give up their maiden names.

Facebook looked at the names of 14 million married females, ranging in age from 20 to 79 who are currently active on Facebook and married in the United States, according to a report on The Daily Beast Thursday. Facebook determined that of that group, 65 percent of women in their 20s and 30s changed their names.

Even more women in their their 40s, 50s, and 60s changed their names -- 68 percent, 75 percent and 80 percent, respectively. The study did not account for women who changed their names on Facebook but not legally, and vice versa.

Behind The Prevalence of Baby Factories in Nigeria

2013-05-20T02:03:00.000-07:00

Babies rescued from a baby factory in 2011 - Vanguard

I started this post with the brief thoughts I shared about this news that another "baby factory" has been found so soon after a previous one was raided. I honestly feel that those taboos/stigmas I listed there have no place in a 21st century world. They may have worked in the past where the mass media was a word yet to be coined, or where most women got married before 15, not any more.

In case you missed it, these are the cultural/traditional taboos or stigmas;

1. Taboo against proper sex education for teenagers

2. Stigma against teenage pregnancy or any pregnancy out of wedlock

3. Stigma against infertility among couples

4. Stigma against babies born outside a marriage

5. Taboo against open and legal adoption

Nowadays, sex is on the TV and radio all day and used to sell everything including clothes, paper and pencil for 10-year-olds. Most people get married in their twenties or thirties, and as our lifestyle - food, physical activity, etc has changed so has our physiology. Infertility for both men and women is on the increase. It is time we faced these issues squarely and not keep burying our head in the sand hoping for our religion or bygone culture to save us.

If not, as we hear and thank God for miracle babies, twins, triplets, [and even a woman that had, was it 11 babies in one year?] from couples that have been infertile for years, so also will we keep hearing and damning unscrupulous agents who exploit young girls by promising them free healthcare and money to either get pregnant or give up their babies.

Following fro that, it is obvious that outside of these core issues are poverty and the lack of effective systems in almost all spheres of Nigeria. The health and welfare system is, in my opinion, one of the worst off. So while these must also be tackled at the same time, I believe it is only when we begin to speak out and address the above taboos that illegal baby trafficking will reduce.

Because, that is what this is. Baby factories are an illegal channel to connect two parties who need something. Not that I do not believe that an infertile couple can get pregnant after years of waiting, there are true stories of that happening, but I have also seen enough of the opposite to know that a secret adoption or plain child trafickking is more usually the case.

Like fellow blogger ZouZous will say, may we be free o...

Beyonce Sings Back To Black For The Great Gatsby Soundtrack

2013-05-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

If there was one song I will never Amy Winehouse for, it is Back to Black. She has other classics that I love just as well, but the sadness of Back to Black just calls to that deep place that many of us never allow ourselves to get to. And I congratulate Beyonce for doing justice to this song for The Great Gatsby, though maybe using the original Amy Winehouse version may have been better?

Playing Hard to Get or Being Hard to Get?

2013-05-19T11:03:00.000-07:00

In the past, people used to seek mates who would “complete” them, but today’s singles are looking for something different. According to the study findings, singles are looking for a partner who can offer intimacy, companionship and personal fulfillment more so than financial stability.

They are looking for someone who is independent and well rounded, someone who will offer them companionship and fulfillment. This is partly because gender roles have expanded over the years. Women enjoy having their own careers and they no longer expect or desire financial stability from a mate. Men seem to enjoy this new setup as well, and they like having a partner who has her own life and her own interests.

Singles can apply this to their own lives by being hard to get, instead of playing hard to get. In other words, instead of pretending to have a fulfilling, well-rounded life in order to impress your prospective mates, why not just have one? By filling your calendar with your interests (whether those include social engagements, sports, charity events or the gym), you can ensure that you will stay active, engaging, and downright desirable!

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What's That Look On Your Face?

2013-05-19T07:03:00.000-07:00

By Atala,

The human face is capable of an amazing variety of expressions; smiles of joy; frowns of anger; grimaces of disgust and raised eyebrows of surprise. And just as a picture is worth a thousand words, so it is that these expressions do a wonderful job of communicating how we feel, sometimes more than anything that we could ever say.

But it's not every day that our face muscles are doing duty, telling the world how we feel. More often than not, they're relaxed, leaving our faces in 'neutral gear'. The thing is, just because our muscles aren't working doesn't mean that our faces don't show some kind of expression. And unfortunately, this can lead to some crossed wires.

A case in point: I recall someone I used to know in university. He was actually a year ahead of me, so we didn't get much of a chance to interact, but whenever I would pass him in the corridors of the faculty building, I would think to myself "What a miserable so-and-so this guy is - always frowning like he has just swallowed a sour lemon", and it made me glad that I didn't have to interact more with him.

Fast forward a a year or two, and I found myself attending more lectures with him; our lecturers' habits of handing out F's with joyous abandon meant that he had to retake some courses. To my great surprise, as I got to know him better, I found out this 'misanthrope' turned out to be one of the warmest, kindest and caring people that I would come to know. Even till today, I wonder how it can be that someone like that could appear to be frowning all the time.

I have a theory why some people (like my coursemate) might have a frowning face in 'neutral gear'. It could be that they stand under the sun for excessive periods, and they have to squint to reduce the effect of the sun's glare in their eyes. Squinting means that their faces are bunched into a frown, and after a while, this frown becomes their standard expression.

But irrespective of how most people's 'neutral gear' face ends up in a permanent expression, I can't help wondering whether there are people going around with frowns and scaring off people who might want to meet them. The thing is that such people may be completely unaware of the effect of their expression, because they aren't consciously contorting their face into that expression. And I know that making judgments about someone's character based on their expression alone is probably unfair, but really - would you rather approach someone who is frowning or someone who is smiling?

So I guess that just as we are aware of the clothes we wear and the smells that we give off when meeting people, we should add one more thing to the list - what kind of face we are presenting to the world. Do we want to say to everyone that we're friendly and open to conversation? Or do we want to tell the world to back off? And more importantly, is our face telling a different story from what we want to tell?

What's the look on your face now? If you don't know, you can look in a mirror to find out. Or you could simply and consciously make it a smile :)

Lana Del Ray - Young and Beautiful (The Great Gatsby Version)

2013-05-19T04:04:00.000-07:00

It is not often that I see a movie that moves me as deeply as The Great Gatsby. It is not a tear jerker by any means but if one is minded it could be a weepie. After you've left the cinema. There is a depth beyond the glitz and glamor of the movie. It was that depth I think Baz Luhrmann wanted us to plumb in his version of the doomed love story contained in The Great Gatsby. That man is a genius. I simply love his mind.

And Lana Del Rey, who I don't think I've heard of before now nailed it in the lyrics, music and performance of Young and Beautiful.

Lana Del Rey Young and Beautiful Lyrics:

I've seen the world
Done it all, had my cake now
Diamonds, brilliant, and Bel-Air now
Hot summer nights mid July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, the city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful

I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now
Channeling angels in, the new age now
Hot summer days, rock and roll
The way you'd play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful

Dear lord when I get to heaven
Please let me bring my man
When he comes tell me that you'll let me
Father tell me if you can

Oh that grace, oh that body
Oh that face makes me wanna party
He's my sun, he makes shine like diamonds

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful
Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful

Inspirational Quote - It's Your Road

2013-05-19T00:09:00.001-07:00

Get the Romance Back in your Marriage

2013-05-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

By Mimi Adebayo

Okay men, have you ever thought of doing something that’ll make your spouse blush for the next seven days? You know, give her that special feeling and make her remember the days when you first met. I call it the ‘Once in a lifetime’ treatment. Trust me; it’ll improve your love life and definitely the bedroom life too.

Just because you wake up in the same bed every day since you got married doesn’t make her any less beautiful or special. She’s still that special woman you fell in love with and decided to spend the rest of your life with.

So you see her when she’s all messed up at that time of the month, you see her crabby face when it’s without make-up early in the morning, so you know how her fart smells…so what? She had all those things when you were courting her and you were still all over her. You chose to ignore them. Don’t use them as an excuse now.

Men, ask your wife out on a proper date. You know, just ask if she’ll be free on the said date. Who said you can’t go out on planned dates just ‘cos you’re married? It’s not only on Valentines’ day that you do something out of the ordinary for her.

Make it more special by going shopping for the perfect dress you’d like to see her in. Nothing slutty; just sexy and decent. A romantic colour; maybe red, black, silver or even gold (hey, you can’t do this if you don’t know her size and taste). Send it as a package to the house on the day of the date; attach a note saying you’d like to see her in it later that evening. She’s gonna think you’re crazy and wonder what has come over you. But she’ll wear it anyway, and she’d love it (as long as it’s her size.) Guess what? Even if she isn’t really crazy about the dress, she’ll wear it just because you took out time to go shopping for her.

Get home in time for your date and dress like a real gentleman. A suit would do the trick. When she comes out of the bathroom to show herself off to you…compliment her. Not the usual “You look great” or “you look good”. Make it more romantic, something different, out of the ordinary. For example “You look simply amazing. Look at that body. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever set my eyes on.” She’d blush crazily and probably say something like “Oh stop it” or “Thank you”. Depends on the kind of woman she is.

Then lead her to the car and don’t jump into the drivers’ seat as usual. Open the door for her. I bet you that will wow her. Do the same when you get to the restaurant and don’t forget to also pull out her chair when it’s time to sit down. While you both eat and talk; make it a point of duty to stare at her like a love-struck teenager.

That shouldn’t be too hard because she’s all dressed up in a sexy dinner gown and you’ve not seen her that way in a long while. You’re so used to seeing her in house clothes or work clothes that you forget that there’s a woman beneath- the woman she was when you first married her.

She might have put on a little weight now ‘cos she’s borne your kids, but she’s still that beauty you fell in love with years ago.

When you stare at her, she’d feel shy for the first time in years with you. She’d be that self-conscious woman she was on her first date with you. She’d blush, giggle, smile and adore you all at once. Trust me, the next day she’ll boast to her friends what a romantic gentleman her husband is.

She’d walk on air for the next seven days, maybe. It could be more. Your sex life would definitely improve. You will see her in a different light, and you’d find yourself falling in love with her all over again.

The truth is every lady likes to be treated like one, no matter how old she is. I’m not saying you’ve got to do the whole car door thing all the time, but a little thoughtfulness from you will help a lot. A romantic text message in the middle of the afternoon while you’re in the office, to let her know you’re thinking about her. A romantic note placed somewhere least expected…her dressing table, her purse or even her Bible. Get back home a bit earlier than usual and decide to make dinner. Give her a surprise kiss when she gets back from the day’s work and make her feel appreciated.

Now, I’m not an expert in things like this…I can only tell you what I think I know about women in general. Who knows? It might help a bit.

Make your woman special, give her that once in a lifetime treatment and get the romance back in your marriage!

_________

First published on Naijastories. Check out Mimi Adebayo's profile here.

Real Life Matchmaking

2013-05-18T01:04:00.000-07:00

He is a new reader who likes what he reads on the blog and likes what he sees here. He found one of the posts about people searching for Igbo guys and he's representing. Send me an email if you'll like to be connected. He's on Facebook and is willing to be honest and open. He says;

I'm currently in Aba, Abia state, 31years, I'm in Transport business, I work with my uncle in his bus transport company as a manager. I like joking around and hanging out with friends. I also like events and hang out with some celebrities. I'm a christian, and worship at any good Pentecostal church in my area. But I'm quite laid back, and I smoke cigarrettes, no weed and drink socially.

I like a girl that's understanding, and in reverse. I don't like a girl that's easily irritable. I want a woman that has a personality, well let's say she must be independent minded, working class or into a business as well. She gotta be tall, slim and 25-28 or not much younger, pretty and fun to be with, outgoing. She must be either doing her NYSC or in her final year. I prefer a lady who reads a lot of novels, and also likes music and can cook.

Magazine Covers I'm Liking - Kerry Washington On Elle

2013-05-18T00:27:00.000-07:00

Great cover for Elle, beautiful lady. Kerry Washington is certainly on the up and UP. She's doing an amazing job on Scandal, and she can only get better. Looking forward to seeing her in Peeples soon.

Dear Myne - Is It Time to Move On From My Boyfriend?

2013-05-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

I seriously don’t know what I am planning to do with the next phase in my life. I am 28. And, I seriously need some suggestions so that I can move forward in life. After reading through your blog posts I have come to a conclusion that I write to you and check the reader’s feedback. So that if the guy I am currently seeing is not for me am leaving everything we had aside and moving forward with what life has to offer me .

The guy am talking about has some issues. We met each other two years ago and have been in a relationship since, but unlike any other normal guy he doesn’t act so.

Can anyone imagine that he’s not responding to my calls. (Forget about responding he has blocked my number in his phone also, because when I try to call him its always busy, but when I try from other’s phone it gets connected). So, he even blocked me in Facebook. So, for some time now we don’t even have contact with each other.

The other issues that concern me are why is he acting so mean? I have never met any of his friends till now. When he is with me, he never talks about us together in the future. I don’t know what he expects from me.

And since we met, it is very rare that he calls me - maybe he has called me only four or five times in the last two years of our relation. We don’t meet frequently too. We meet each other only once in a month even though we live in the same locality.

I call him daily thinking that I can connect with him. But he gets frustrated though. He makes excuses that he has a lot of work.

Once he told me about his one and only ex who cheated on him. So, I think it was harder for him to love any other person beside her.

Of lately, he is pressurizing me to get married soon to some other guys. I didn’t understand him. I told him to be frank and tell me the reason he wants me to leave him but he denied that was what he meant. So, I am clueless again.

Finally, I think that he is embarrassed to introduce me to his friends or family members. Till now, we have never gone on a public date or a walk together in our area.

I am not sure what he thinks of me or what is his definition of marriage or why is he been so skeptic of. I just want to make things clear but again he doesn’t pick my call. Help me, please.

Some Reasons Why Long Marriages End

2013-05-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why so many long-married couples decide to split? I know I have. I want to know how these people in these marriages can be so happy together for so long, and then one day they say they're done. I would have thought that after 25, 30 years most couples can be assured of till death? After all, what new thing will you find out about each other to totally upset the apple cart? An affair? A crime?

According to Dr. Pepper Swatchz, the reasons are not always very dramatic in most cases. He writes for the AARP;

Some relationships have been in decline for decades and finally lose all their juice. A marriage doesn't usually just blow up. It's more like a balloon that has been seeping air for a long time. After a while, it's totally deflated.

Another possibility is that a couple's issues intensify. Most problems are manageable, but then something sends them into hyperdrive. It could be a change in jobs, health, children's lives, personal ambitions or any number of other triggers. Whatever balance had been achieved is undermined, and with it the ability to handle the issue and still have a decent marriage.

Of course, we've all heard the familiar phrase, "We grew apart." But just because it's a cliché doesn't mean it's not a common cause of divorce or separation among long-time married couples. A typical scenario is where a husband and wife live increasingly different lives: He gets more and more into his work, she gets more and more into her children, her adult children, her grandchildren. Or she gets ambitious and he wants to relax, cut down, travel, and play golf.

Lack of communication and loss of trust are also issues that seriously undermine a marriage. I suspect that it wasn’t so much an affair that sent Maria Shriver heading for the door, but more the fact that her husband had deceived her for so long. On top of that, she is dealing with public humiliation — as well as the destabilizing presence of a child. It is a rare relationship, of any length, that could face these factors and continue on.

Fortunately, the overwhelming majority of marriages are not presented with such mega challenges. Still, plenty of breakups occur after a relationship of many years. Although some people are able to negotiate the inevitable bumps in the road, for others those bumps turn into a sinkhole — something that they cannot seem to climb out of. Sadly, and often with great affection for each other, the couple say "enough."

Kanye Praises Kim Kardashian in New Song - Awesome

2013-05-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

Last night, Kanye West performed at the Roseland Ballroom in New York, and after rants against the paparazzi for making him tabloid fodder, what with banging his head on a sign post, and his car crashing into his girlfriend Kim Kardashian's gate, he sang a new song dedicated to her. He first sang the song to Kim at the Met Gala, and though it has no title yet, fans have called the song, Awesome. Sweet :)

"Stop everything you're doing now/ Because baby, you're awesome," he sang to an excited Kardashian, who posted a photo from the event later that evening. "Don't let nobody get you down/ Because you're awesome/ You don't need to listen to your manager/ You must be tired of running through my mind/ Can I come inside? … I'm also awesome .../ I'd rather do nothing with you/ than something with somebody new/ Because baby you're awesome."

Kim Kardashian got in the action by tweeting a picture of the pair dressed up in retro-inspired outfits earlier today in honor of Throwback Thursday. "#ThrowbackThursday #GatsbySwag," she captioned the instagram picture, see below.

Scandal Finale - Life is not a Romance Novel, and Other Memes

2013-05-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

After watching Scandal last night, I was like yeah! But some of these meme pictures highlight some of my other emotions. I will still write a recap. For now, enjoy...

Pat Robertson Says Women Should Overlook Infidelity

2013-05-17T07:06:00.000-07:00

On this week's 700 Club, Pat Robertson mentions Nigeria and the sad killing of the CAN secretary, but the buzz online is about the advice he gave the woman who sent in the message above. He told her that she should stop focusing on the adultery and instead ask herself why she married him in the first place.

He said she should ask, “Does he provide a home for you to live in, does he provide food for you to eat, does he provide clothes for you to wear, is he nice to the children, do you have a happy family, does he take the children to their little league games, does he share with your stuff that is going on…is he handsome?”

In the brief video clip below, he told the woman to focus on the good stuff rather than her husband’s adultery, and “give him honor instead of trying to worry about it.” He encouraged her to build her love back, by talking to him, touching him, just being generally nice, and praying for God to heal her heart and teach her to love again.

Pat Robrtson also said the woman should, “...recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit and what you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander." He refers to the ubiquitous salacious pictures in the media and porn online, and said, “What you have to do is say, ‘My husband was captured and I want to get him free.”

I'm no fan of cheating when in an exclusive relationship, and this video and brouhaha around it remind me of some of the dear myne's mails I've got in the past and the discussions we've had here about them. For a one of cheating episode where the man is repentant, I would give the same advice as Pat Robertson. Now when the man is a serial cheater, and totally makes it clear he's not about to change, then one needs not be too spiritual about it.

Some of the topic on infidelity here on RML include,

10 Ways to Make "The Other Woman" a Non-Issue

Why Do We Always Blame "The Other Woman"?

Moving On or Out of a Relationship After Infidelity

Why do women turn a blind eye to Infidelity?

Some things are too Serious to be Forgiven

What To Do When Your Husband is a Serial Cheater

Night out at the Samsung Galaxy S4 Launch in Lagos

2013-05-17T04:04:00.000-07:00

Ebuka Obi-Uchendu and Banky W

Two of the most eligible bachelors in Lagos social scene were photographed together at the launch of the new Samsung Galaxy S4 recently. Enjoy more pictures from the event..

Charles Novia, Soni Irabor and Segun Arinze

Emmanuel Revinatos and Basketmouth

Kate Henshaw, Seyi Law and Dakore Akande

Kate Henshaw and Olajumoke Okikiolu

Lola and Bukky Fateye

Mary, Tricia Esiegbe and Chioma

Onyeka Kelikume, Pamela Olugbemigun and Adebola Adeoye

Onyeka Kelikume and Adebola Adeoye

Segun Arinze, Weird MC and Soni Irabor

. Photos by Hycinth Iyereosa. See more on YNaija

Love Before (Oro Ife) - Laolu ft. Lindsey

2013-05-17T03:02:00.000-07:00

Lovely song. I was especially moved by the bridge which is in English, not that I did not appreciate the Nigerian touch with the Yoruba lyrics, everything combined was really great. I was introduced to Laolu Sebanjo as a visual artist with an Africa-themed inclination, which he calls Afromysterics. One can easily feel how that vibe infuses this song, he actually wrote and arranged Oro Ife.

Scandal Sex Scenes With Olivia Pope Are A Problem" For Fitz's Wife

2013-05-16T23:05:00.000-07:00

Fitz and Olivia Pope in Scandal

Tony Goldwyn and Kerry Washington's sizzling chemistry on ABC's Scandal is too hot to handle -- especially where his wife is concerned. During an appearance on Bravo's Watch What Happens Live on Wednesday, May 15, the actor revealed to host Andy Cohen that his offscreen love, Jane Musky, doesn't watch the show, largely because of the steamy sex scenes he has with his costar.

Goldwyn, 52, plays President Fitzgerald Grant, who has had a torrid, on-again/off-again affair with Washington's character, Olivia Pope, since season one. Their relationship is a driving force in the series; love scenes between the two are frequent and intense. Asked by a fan what Musky (married to the star since 1989) thinks of the fiery connection, Goldwyn laughed. "It's a problem," he quipped.

"The honest answer is, my wife doesn't watch it," he continued. "She watched the pilot and thought it was great, but yeah...I don't encourage it."

His daughters Anna and Tess, however, are big fans. "My two girls think it's hilarious. Disgusting and hilarious. So they send me all kinds of rude texts," he said, citing one occasion on which his 18-year-old messaged him a particularly racy video clip from the show with a note saying, "Excuse me?!"

Source

Ogor Winnie Okoye - Never Go to Sleep With Unresolved Issues

2013-05-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

Ogor Winnie Okoye is an inspiration to me. I agree with her introduction on her blog which reads, " I love my job! I love my clients! I love life! I love people! I love LOVE in its various manifestations." In addition, Ogor is "a spunky and vivacious mother of four amazing children... married to a truly wonderful man, Victor... an attorney and counselor at law by profession... an author..." Check out Ogor's website for more about her, and I hope you enjoy her marriage avowals;

How did you meet your husband?
I met Bubu ( I call my husband that and don’t ask me the meaning because I don’t know :)through a really close friend of mine, Uche. Uche had met Bubu and his friend, Chike, who were both dashingly handsome young man visiting Nigeria during the summer of 1994. She came running to my house and wasted no time in telling me that she met some really great guys vacationing from the States and one of them looks like my type. She suggested that it will be fun to hang out as in double date! We ended up double-dating for the evening and the rest they say became history. We all looked ridiculous in those first pictures we took, Myne. . OMG! You should see. . .

How long have you been married?
15 years into the journey, Myne; almost 20 years together and still counting. . .

How did he propose?
He proposed almost four years after we met. I guess for him, he knew right off the bet that he wanted to end with me as his “mrs.” For me, I guess it took me a little while longer. We did trans-continental dating for a while and then he proposed to me in 1997. How did he propose? You know, Bubu is every inch an Ibo man. I remember that we were having lunch in our favorite restaurant in Enugu and he had opened up a box and when I saw what he was about to do I was scared to death!

Honestly, I knew that I loved him but was not sure that was the kind of love for sustaining a fully committed marital relationship. I was about 22 years at the time and honestly was not looking to settle down. I loved that he had the perfect six-pack physique, he was fun, etc. I said; “ yes” first of all, he was really cool and I honestly had no clue what marriage entailed at the time. It was an exciting prospect and I have always had that sense of adventure! Fast forward to me today, I would tell another 20 something year old a totally different thing per the rules of engagement.. . I have been very lucky,. . .may be blessed cos I made the right “gut” decision.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
I would say that divorcing your ego is the strongest key to a successful marriage. The ego makes you touchy feely and unnecessarily reactive; ultra-sensitive, etc. Your ego makes you want to always have the last word; your ego makes you want to change your partner to become a clone of yourself! Over time, I realized that my marriage became a lot more seamless and a lot more fun when I began to divorce my ego by coming to terms that Bubu is another person with his own unique set of individual traits that might differ from mine, sometimes significantly in a lot of ways.

With the divorce of the ego, one comes to the full realization that you must respect and honor your spouse’s individuality and resist that human tendency to make them more like what you wish for them to become. But seriously, why do most people want to change their spouses to become more like them? Why should they be and why are you the gold-standard on what the perfect partner should be? When you let your spouse be and begin working whole-heartedly on you becoming the best that you can be, your spouse would somehow meet you at that very high standard that you dared to set. That is one thing that I believe has sustained and nourished my marriage till date and I thank God I found out sooner than later because the truth is that there were years that were lost in the battle of the egos.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?
Oh Myne, I loooove this question. . .great question . . . personally, the most exciting question for me. Bubu literally gives me wings to fly! He is my biggest cheer-leader and would believe in me even when I have no faith left in myself. He trusts me whole-heartedly and lets me explore and pursue my passions. What to say about a man that will go to the ends of the earth for your literally. He would leave his busy schedule and take me throughout the country for multiple auditions multiple times simply because he believes in me unequivocally. He does not stifle me at all and encourages me to pursue my passion. He trusts me a 110%. . .He is one insanely supportive spouse and for that I just adoreeeeeeeee him. I also love that he is very driven and pushes me to the limits of physical endurance sometimes ( We often run together). He buys almost all of my clothes as I hate shopping. I love that about him too.

What is the hardest part about being married?
LOL should I say? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. . .; Ok, I have to say it! Being an African man of the Ibo race makes him predisposed to that stubborn, alpha male syndrome! (he is gonna kill me for saying this) But seriously, I hate that he is so stubborn!!! With a capital “S” (funny that even in the midst of that stubbornness, I can still sense that he loves me to pieces) He hardly ever budges and will not say sorry even when he should say it. I hate that he does not cook but is gradually getting better at cleaning around the house with me. Listen, I spoil this man and take full responsibility for that! Case in point, if he is hungry, rather than going to the refrigerator to take his meal out and warm it or make his fufu, he will be starving to death while waiting for me to get home and get his meal. (I honestly HATE that soooooo much). . .(I do. . )

Do you have children?
Yes Myne! God has been sooo kind and gracious to us! We have four children (2 boys and 2 girls) and can I say that the children actually prefer Bubu’s parenting style to mine because they tend to get away with a lot more from him . Our kids are very close in age (13, 12, 10, and 3) with exception of our little 3 year old daughter who is a lot younger than the rest.

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
Children do change the dynamics of a marriage. It is like injecting another dimension of “challenge” to an already challenging situation. The good news is that they also bring enormous sunshine to the family as well! The key is to maintain the balance that works for you. I say, find what works and stick to it! When the kids were younger it was a lot tougher because I still had to run my private law practice and be mom at home and wife and everything else in between but as they got older, I would say that it got a lot easier because they are helping out with chores. You still have to be a good multi-tasker in order to balance out the different hats that you wear during the course of the day. But I am blessed that I married someone who is amazing with the children. Bubu has more patience than I do with the kids and so that helps tremendously.

What do you do to keep the marriage relationship fresh and positive?
I never discount the role of the Almighty in sustaining our relationship! He has come through for us during the turbulent times that our relationship was severely tested and I never forget that! Prayer has been the centerpiece of it all. I pray especially when I have reached the limits of my human ability and find that I have no more strength left in me.

Besides prayer, I consciously try to let Bubu be! Men love their space! It was NOT like this initially but over time I learnt that it worked wonders! Honestly I find that when I am busy investing in myself, I have almost no time to criticize or condemn him and so the fights are far and in between. Also, when I am not always clinging on to him, he looks at me like with that expression of, “who is she” in his eyes and I feel like he is courting me all over again. That adds a whole new level of sexiness to my package. .. (you must know what I mean Myne! )lol...

Myne, I also work out with him a lot and because we share the love of all things fitness together, it is a great balm for our relationship too . I always apologize, Myne. . . Sometimes when I am right and he is as wrong as wrong can be! A relationship advice from my dad before I left my childhood home still rings true today; “never go to sleep with unresolved issues and apologize as often as you can even when you believe you are right; for the sake of the commitment you made to each other”. I let him win as much as possible . . .(Bubu probably is disagreeing with this one. .., but it is true )

What is your advice to those dating or young couples?
Young people, listen carefully to this one as it is coming straight from my heart: “Marry your friend”. I will repeat it for the sake of emphasis and clarity! “Marry your friend” . . Why? Marriages borne from the bonds of true friendship usually fare better than most simply because the threads of true friendship are seldom broken during challenging times. True friends always find the one thing that keeps them hopeful through turbulent times. Most marriages lack that level of understanding. Even if you have to wait a life-time; the safer bet is to marry your friend. .

30 Things Every Woman Should Have By the Time She's 30

2013-05-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

30 is an important milestone in a woman’s life. It is a very special time in her life. She is at a time when she has left childhood behind and has started enjoying adulthood.

If you are a woman close to your thirties, this is my list of 30 things you should have:

1. An education – This is the best investment you could ever make in your life. Continue learning because as long as you keep learning, you keep growing.
2. A vocation: In addition to your education, become a professional in your career or area of specialisation. Get trained and get the necessary qualifications.
3. A savings account in your own name (and enough money in it) – One of the wisest investments you can make is starting a savings account early. Apportion at least 10% of your earnings to this account and watch it grow.
4. A sense of humor, style and purpose – Humor is very attractive and will get you through some tough patches. A sense of style lets you stand out from your peers and having purpose ensures you pursue your goals with focus.
5. The wisdom to fall in love with your eyes open – Know what you want out of your love relationships and avoid being carried away with the ‘feeling’ of love.

6. The perfect suit to wear for a job interview – As you move higher in life, there’s sure to be numerous job interviews. You never get a second chance to make a first impression, so make sure your suit gives the very best first impression.
7. A set of matching luggage – You may need to go on vacation sometime. Do it in style with your set of matching luggage.
8. A matching set of lacy bikini – Who knows? You may need to relax at the beach when you go off on that vacation or go for a swim anytime soon. Make sure your bikini is just perfect for the occasion.
9. A recipe for a meal you are almost perfect at – Even if it’s something basic, make sure you are almost perfect at preparing one complete meal.
10. A first love (and several other loves) – The magic of first love is as painful when it’s over, but the best part of it is that after you cry your eyes out, you let go and become wiser. And when you love again, you will know how to keep it. This time, longer.
11. A broken heart (and the knowledge that you can survive it) – A broken heart means that you tried…at least. Only time (and girlfriends) can heal your broken heart. You can survive it….and love again.
12. One friend that makes you laugh….and one you can always run to – What can we do without close friends? Make friends for life and be a friend yourself.
13. A childhood you are grateful for (though not perfect) – None of us chose our childhood, but we can be grateful for all it taught us (perfect or not).
14. A plan for the future you are looking forward to – Without a plan for your future, how do you know when you get there? Sit down with yourself and write where you see yourself in 3, 5, 10 years and make a plan to get there.
15. A good skin care routine – Glowing skin is the dream of every woman. But it does not just happen. Get a good skin care regimen that is best for your skin type and watch your skin glow.
16. A good hairdresser – A woman’s hair is her crowning glory. Get a hairdresser who understands your hair and can help you maintain it in the best possible way.
17. A tailor who can make drop dead outfits – The way you dress is the way you will be addressed. Get a tailor who knows what style really is.
18. A spiritual foundation and faith in God – Maintaining a relationship with God is the best foundation for life. He is your creator and redeemer, so get closer to Him each passing day.
19. A drop dead gorgeous photo of yourself - to remind you that you are beautiful.
20. A best friend – If you fall down, your best friend will pick you up. If you need a hand or a shoulder to cry on, your best friend will be there.
21. A dream - it all starts with a dream. Dream! Let your imagination run wild while you fill up a blank sheet of paper with everything you want to be, do or have. This will keep you going even in the tough times.
22. The phone number of someone who will drop everything and come when you call.
23. A perfectly fitted bra - Wearing the right sized bra is comfortable, helps your posture and aids the lymph flow inside your breasts. Also, since your breasts will spend most of their time in a bra, should they not be comfortable?
24. A pair of jeans that fit just right - Most ladies will wear a pair of jeans at least once a week. Jeans can also be worn for informal and semi-formal events. Having one that fits just right would make you stand out from the crowd.
25. A handbag you can never get tired of - Handbags are one of those accessories a lady can’t do without. A nice, reasonably sized leather handbag will always do the trick.
26. An average proficiency in Microsoft Word and Excel – No matter who you are or what you do, you need to be computer savvy. Start with basic Microsoft Word and Excel, but don’t stop there.
27. Confidence – You are a woman. You are important. Carry yourself as one.
28. Humility – Modesty and an unassuming nature are not signs of weakness. Only a very strong and confident person can be humble. Refuse to get puffed up but remain humble.
29. The guts to say No without feeling guilty – People will always need you to do things for them. Do as much as you can but never choke yourself just to please people. Sometimes you just need to say No.
30. A competitive streak: A desire to be the best and to stand out from the crowd. Make yourself more productive so that you remain relevant.

Now it’s your turn. What do you think a woman should know and have by the time she turns 30?

___________

My life is one of the most convoluted lives I know. But somehow, I have refused to give up. I know there’s more behind my life. I was created for a reason and definitely, I am going to fulfill my destiny! You can visit me at Seyi’s Blog

Uproar As Zoe Saldana’s Weight Revealed On Allure Cover

2013-05-16T13:02:00.000-07:00

It's no news that the world and Hollywood is obsessed about weight, but it seems this is the first time a woman's weight has been put on the front cover of a fashion magazine, and it ends up being Zoe Saldana's who weighs in at just 115pounds. A lot of websites have condemned the move as offensive and sending a wrong message to women, from the Examiner,

No doubt, Zoe Saldana looks phenomenal on the cover of Allure. Did we really need to know how much she weighs? Would the popular women's magazine put a plus-size model on their cover and headline it "250 pounds and rocking the world"? Not likely.

to the Daily Beast

There’s enough pressure as it is for women, particularly women in the fashion and entertainment industries, to conform to mainstream body-image standards—an issue that Allure has addressed many times in its 22 years of existence. The magazine should know better than to put so much weight on what number its cover girl tips the scales at.

Yahoo also interviews Hilary Levey Friedman, a Harvard sociologist who often writes and speaks about images in the media, who adds,

The message to women on the Allure cover... is that "you need to be thin and strong. Just one isn't enough anymore. This only puts more demands on women and can lead to varied types of disordered eating."

On Today, Zoe Saldana spoke out about the criticisms saying the revelation of her weight has been taken out of context, and that Allure magazine was simply trying to imply that "for a lightweight person, I seem to be really strong-minded. It would have been wrong if they were lying about the weight. I've always been a very thin frame. That is how much I weigh, it's something I can't control. It's who I am."

Allure has released a statement backing their cover star, saying, "We were so impressed by what a tough, confident woman Saldana is that we wanted to capture that."

I honestly don't know that either side is wrong, my own stand will be to say, can we give it all a rest about the weight? Big boned or skinny framed, eat right, exercise, be healthy and love who you are as you continue to work on yourself. The numbers on the scale in my opinion are not the be all and end all of your life or health.

What do you think?

Throwback Thursday - Pencil Thin Eyebrows

2013-05-16T03:03:00.000-07:00

My first winter, but not here. I arrived in Edinburgh, Scotland in September 2006 and by my birthday, it was already much colder than I had ever experienced. When I first put this picture up on Facebook, people said I looked like a Muslim because of the head wrap and scarf. Fact was, I was on my way out and they were protection from the cold. That was how I dressed most of that winter, lol...

Oh yeah, and back then, I used to shape my eyebrows quite thin. Yay or Nay? Now I would say nay, but back then, it must have been a yay. Why did I change the style? Story for another day.

Toke Makinwa on Relationships Rules By Oprah and Dr Phil

2013-05-16T01:02:00.000-07:00

Toke Makinwa {read 10 Things you didn't know about Toke here} shares another video in which she discusses rules on relationships and whether they should apply. It seems like when she first saw these particular rules from Oprah and Dr. Phil, she took them as gospel, but she has since matured to understand that any relationship rule should be more like a guideline and shouldn't be used to monitor a particular relationship that one is in at any point in time.

I wanted to share this video because someone mentioned in the post about non-verbal signs that a guy really loves you {here}, that a lot of the clues seem stereotypical, and that is because they are. Relationship rules are not structures to box you in, but windows to help you see what could be outside or glasses to help you see what you might be missing. And in the case of 10 Things, or 25 Tips, or 7 ways or whatever, you don't have to do all, or use all, or find all, just enough to make you happy.

The article which Toke reads in the video and which is supposed to be Oprah's thoughts on men and relationships is below as well as a short paragraph at the end by Dr. Phil.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending… Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage… Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.

Dating is fun… Even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes… When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says… You should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts.

And BTW, while I don't know about the part in bold by Dr Phil, Snopes is of the opinion that the part supposed to be by Oprah may not be by her after all. Read their post here.

POLL - Should You Remain Friends With An Ex?

2013-05-16T00:05:00.000-07:00

When you date someone, for most people, it means that you hope for the long term. But sometimes, it doesn't end that way. After the memories you've both made together, the laughter or the tears, you have to get up, dust your backside and move on. In many instances where there is a break-up discussion, and both people are trying to show they're mature and all, they decide to remain friends. Is it worth it? What would you do? Vote below and give more details in the comments too. Thanks!

Another Baby Factory Discovered - Reasons Why More Will Be Found

2013-05-15T17:36:00.000-07:00

For the second time in a barely a week,the police today raided a 'baby factory' in Enugu and rescued six pregnant teenagers from the coerced selling of their newborns. This time, three suspects were arrested, unlike in the previous case where the madam is still on the run. According to AFP;

Nigerian police on Wednesday said they had found six pregnant teenage girls in a raid on a house and arrested three people suspected of planning to sell their babies. It was the second so-called baby-factory uncovered in a week in the west African nation.

"We acted on intelligence information and raided the house in Enugu (city) where we met six girls, under 17 and all pregnant, and freed them," police spokesman Ebere Amaraizu in southeastern Enugu state told AFP.

He said two men and a woman believed to be operating a child trafficking ring were arrested during the raid on Monday and were cooperating with police. Amaraizu said the girls had been "lured into the house with a promise of some money after" delivering a child.

"Investigation will unravel the details. We have to know how they came about the pregnancy and where they came from," he said.

Monday's raid came five days after police in nearby Imo State freed 17 pregnant girls and 11 small children from a home in the town of Umuaka. The girls, aged between 14 and 17, told police that they had been impregnated by a 23-year-old man who is currently in custody. The owner of the building is on the run.

Nigerian police have uncovered a series of alleged baby factories in recent years, notably in the southeastern part of the country, but the intended buyers of the children have not been established.

That last sentence is at the bottom of why this kind of story will always be in the news. There is a demand for these babies, and in most cases, that demand is 'kind of' genuine. I've been thinking about this issue a lot more since the last story broke, about the same time as a couple who failed a DNA test to bring their twins to America after the wife allegedly had them in Nigeria.

So what are the reasons that I think make these "baby factories" so prevalent? And why do I think more will be found? Below are the core issues, and they are all cultural/traditional taboos or stigmas;

1. Taboo against proper sex education for teenagers

2. Stigma against teenage pregnancy or any pregnancy out of wedlock

3. Stigma against infertility among couples

4. Stigma against babies born outside a marriage

5. Taboo against open and legal adoption

6 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Marriage Fresh

2013-05-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

Most romantic relationships experience up and downs, and in some marriages it gets stuck in the downers. Before you guys got married, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely spontaneous experience. However, after a few years of marriage, the euphoria begins to fade. Phone calls become a bother, touch is not always welcome, and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, drive you nuts.

Mort Fertel, who I have referenced HERE, says that "At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages break down. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their relationship for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it."

I agree with him that the solution to a flat marriage lies within it rather than outside. As long as there are no abusive issues love is a decision you can refresh, especially after those first euphoric days or years are past. In marriage and other long term relationships, you have to "make" love every day. It takes time, effort, and most importantly, wisdom. These are some things I came up with that can help keep marriage fresh.

1. Improve yourselves, as individuals and as a couple. Learn new hobbies, apart and together. Schedule date nights and stick to it. Spend quality time on your own and grow and mature as a person. The same goes for being a stronger more stable relationship with your partner.

2. Write to each other. This can include little love notes, emails, post-it, text messages, chat, etc. In each communication byte, tell your partner that you love him or her. If possible state how much you do, and you can also list all the different things that attracted you to them in the first place, and that keeps you going. These love bytes are what will remind you of the heady early days, and continue to refresh your relationship.

3. Communicate face to face on the hard stuff, the things you don't like. OK, you can also take the easy route of starting the conversation via written means. But whatever, and however you want to do it, do not bottle grudges up or save them for another day. Probably not immediately when you're angry, but soon when you've calmed down but the incident or attitude that grouched you up is still clear in both your minds.

4. Show your love. Yes, I mean PDA aka public displays of affection. And yes, the public in there can refer to just you and your spouse. Build up your intimacy by making out more often. If you're home, it may lead to sex or it may not. If you're out, hold hands and entwine your fingers and put your arms around each other's waist or shoulder. Touch each other, stoke the fire of your physical attraction, and see if you won't bring the sexy back!

5. Talk to a trusted person or couple, preferably a trained counselor or therapist. Some Nigerians think this is going too far but I chose to compare psychologists to doctors. If one has a lump in the breast, you go to your oncologist, if your mind has a bump that refuses to go away, you go to a psychologist. These people are trained for a purpose, use them as a resource. If you still don't want to go there, go to a pastor, older relative, etc. I will highly suggest you be very careful in how and who you chose.

6. Learn the art of forgiveness. It is said that to err is human and to forgive is divine. It is the mark of a humble mind to forgive, and more than that to let go. It might not be easy, but it is doable. Cut your partner some slack, cut yourself some slack while you're at it and you'll find that life is sometimes not as serious as we hold it to be.

Chioma Yvonne Mbanefo - Learn From Other Couple's Experiences

2013-05-15T09:03:00.000-07:00

Chioma Yvonne Mbanefo is an entrepreneur, writer, and member, Organising Team at TEDxEuston. She says about herself, "I have always been creative and entrepreneurial at a very young age, from making and selling ethnic ragdolls, crafts and even hairdressing in my teenage years. I am currently one of the Directors of an IT Firm based in the City of London, as well as a part time university lecturer." Yvonne is also a wife and mother. Enjoy her marriage avowals;

How did you meet your husband?

15 years ago on boxing day I was getting ready to relocate to the United States. The plan was to go, sort out where I would live etc, come back and get the rest of my stuff. On the eve of my departure, a friend asked me to come and hang out with her and also braid her hair one last time. As I was as her apartment, her boyfriend dropped by, and we told him we needed to buy hair extensions. Since the hair shop was near his friend's house, he decided to return the movie he borrowed from his friend.

We went to his house, and we got introduced. I was quite intrigued because the roast turkey he made and served us tasted wonderful and for me it was unusual that a single guy would take the time to make roast turkey with the trimmings. He was also the reserved and the quiet type and I am the opposite. Since I was packing all my stuff and travelling the next day, I looked anything but glamorous.

We then jointly decided to go to Chinatown for drinks and dinner and in the process myself and the quiet guy struck up a conversation. To cut a long story short, I still traveled to the US the next day but then turned it into a holiday. I came back to England after 3 weeks of long phone calls and that was the end of my plans to relocate to the US. Three years later, we got married.

How long have you been married?
We've been married for 11 years now

How did your husband propose?
He proposed at Heathrow Airport exactly 2 years to the day after we met, as I was about to get on a plane to visit Nigeria. He proposed in front of our friends, incidentally the same couple that introduced us to each other. We all sat at a table after I had checked in and were having some drinks. I needed some tissue and he made as if he was getting his handkerchief out of his pocket and instead produced a little box, and then popped the question. I thought it was a joke until I saw that it was really a ring. It was somewhat embarrassing as some people at other tables noticed what was going on and were egging me on to answer. I still tease him about being totally African by not going on one knee.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
Honesty and realizing that men and women ARE wired differently. Also realizing that you cannot change the other person - If you cannot handle a habit or quality that they have, you should actually make a decision to either bear it or end the relationship and move on.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?
How our differences compliment each other. I'm a dreamer and the creative type and he is the one that gently brings me down to earth or reality. He is also very domesticated and can cook as well, if not better than me. From bathing our new born babies to packing our Daughters' hair, he fully participates in what's going on in the household. We can talk about stuff for hours without running out of topics and I value the friendship that we have. I am quite quirky and he does support and accommodate my quirkiness .

What is the hardest part about being married?
Trying to figure out what he's thinking sometimes. We run an IT consultancy business together here in London and being in the same office, then going back to the same house and bed can be quite challenging. Sometimes, because men are grunters and also tend to switch off, it can be a struggle trying to get him to listen to what I am saying. Some people do ask me how we manage with working at the same place. We've somehow learnt how to be very professional at work though we try have lunch together when work permits. Marriage is not easy, because two totally different people, from different backgrounds and different ways
of thinking, are merging together. Both partners need to work on their marriage to make it work, because it is so easy to take the other for granted. We try to be very conscious of this.

Do you have children?
Yes, we've been blessed with three wonderful children.Two girls and a boy.

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
We were together for 3 years before we got married and had time to travel and do things together. We used to go clubbing, parties and hang out with friends but obviously don't have as much time since the children came. Now we try to have an hour or two together chatting when the kids go to bed. If family or friends are visiting, we also take advantage of the free childcare and go out somewhere. Because he travels quite a bit we make full use of smart phones and available communication tools when we are not at the same place.Also we try not to neglect the sex part of the marriage as that department usually suffers when kids come. So basically we do try to make out time for each other.

What do you do to keep the marriage relationship fresh and positive?
Doing things like sending silly text messages in the middle of the day, and finding things to laugh about. I've also seen that prayers have helped my marriage a lot, especially when we quarrel or run into conflict. We also try to listen to relation improvement programs - it is amazing what you can learn from other couples' experiences.

What is your advice to those dating or young couples?
Never go to bed with anger in your heart, and never bring pride into your relationship. It doesn't matter who say's sorry first, making up is really worth it.

Respect each other's views, see things from their own point of view and then find a compromise if need be.
Trouble will come, but how you handle each episode will determine how well the relationship will develop.

Also one superb advice My Dad gave me on my wedding day is this - "Nobody is worth you and your partner quarrelling. The person will go back to their house and sleep soundly, whilst both of you will be miserable and stay awake facing the opposite walls."

__________
The Marriage Avowals is an interview series promoting a positive image of marriage and family. If you'll like to be featured, please email myne@mynewhitman.com.

Top Nigerian Male Model, Ngoli Okafor Gets Married

2013-05-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

Ngo Okafor and Kindra Hanson

Ngoli Okafor is a top male and sports model, and according to his website, Getingo, "Ngo Okafor has graced the pages and covers of countless magazines and has been called the most downloaded black male model. As an actor he has worked on numerous TV shows, movies and Soap operas. As a boxer, he is a back-to-back, two-time Golden Gloves Champion."

What many don't know about Ngo Okafor is that he is a romantic at heart. He fell in love with his wife, Kindra Hanson at first sight. The couple met on a photo shoot back in 2004, but only started dating in 2008. They have been together ever since and got married almost exactly one month ago on April 13.

Even though they had been living together for three and a half years by August 2012, Ngoli's brand new bride, Kindra, still got a big surprise when he proposed in front of family and friends at their mutual friend's place. Continue for more pictures of the surprise proposal and the very cute story of how they met. Wedding pictures coming soon, hopefully :)

How they met by Kindra

2004---Ngo and I met in 2004 at a modeling job. We were booked to shoot the cover of a book called "When Souls Mate. " Yep, you read that correctly, in hindsight, it looks like fate had a hand in us booking this job together. Ngo was late and I was adamant about finishing on time because I HAD to be at work at 5pm. Well my hubby to be, finally arrived while I was getting my hair and makeup done and because he was late I was NOT impressed. Us Virgos, are always prompt, so me no likey!!

The art director whispered in my ear. "Oh, you are so lucky!" "Do you know that you are working with the most downloaded male model?!?" I said, "oh ok, well I have to leave at 5pm!" Lol!!!!! The shoot finally starts and Ngo is told to "embrace me". Needless to say, along with the embrace came a whole lot of whispering in my ear and extra touching. He said, "Your skin is so soft." "You are so beautiful." Nice words, but I was annoyed.

In my mind, I was thinking, just do your job buddy, zip your lips, and watch those hands. The shoot ended, and I bolted out of there. Ngo asked which train was I going to take. I said the F train and he said me too. Insert grunt... He asked me for my number and I gave it to him, because these were the days that guys would call you right away to make sure the number was right. He dialed me two weeks later, and per Ngo I blew him off and he erased my number.

2005---I get off of the train at Union Square, rocking my Von Dutch trucker hat! Lol!! So, I see a lot of women standing in a big group. I was curious to see what the fuss was all about and then, I spotted a guy,with his shirt off in the middle of them. (Ngo swears that he was wearing a tank top, but I disagree). I immediately recognized the guy and it as Ngo!!!!! I pulled my hat down lower and walked in the opposite direction. --- Ngo told me later that he saw me. Funny right?!?

2006---I'm at work, hanging at the front desk and who steps off of the elevator???? NGO did! I couldn't believe it. Out of all of the gyms in New York, he just had to walk into mine. He didn't speak to me and I didn't speak to him. He was there to interview to be a trainer. He was hired and he started working at Peak right away.

2006-2008---We ignored each other at work and never spoke to each other. Yep that's right! We didn't speak to each other for TWO years!!

2008-- One Friday night me, Ngo, and John ( our BFF) were all working late. I'm usually never there at that time, but fate would have me there. The three of us started to chat and we were cracking each other up. Ngo asked me and John to continue the discussion and fun over drinks at Mark't and we said yes . We had a BLAST!! I got to see Ngo in a different light and it turned out my initial take on him wasnt accurate.

I found him to be really smart, hilarious, and very open. I became curious about Ngo after that! We all said goodbye and that was that . The very next night my BFF, Gaby invited me to karaoke and told me to invite some friends. Well, I decided to ask Ngo to come. I went to the gym that day and of course Ngo was there working out. I was nervous to ask him out, so I made up a lie and asked him to borrow his headphones.

LAME!!!!! Well, he went for it, and I used them. A few hours later he came to get them back and I said " hey I invited some people from Peak to do karoake, and you should come! " We exchanged numbers and I sent him the info. I wasn't sure if he was going to come, but at least I extended an invitation. Forward to me, Gaby, and friends at karaoke and Ngo walks in. He was so outgoing and the thing that finally hooked me was, Ngo doing a duet with me on Nelly Furtado's Promiscious Girl. Done and done!! We have been together ever since.

Not done? Check out their wedding website for more...

Couple Love - Mercy Johnson's Love Note to Husband On His Birthday

2013-05-15T06:12:00.000-07:00

Mercy Johnson and Odi Okojie

I hav lots of luv msg in my head,but I know he deserves more.so confused on wat d sweetest word 2 my hubby should be.hmmm I Love You ODI.HBD
— Mercy Johnson Okojie (@realmercyj) May 15, 2013

Happy birthday to him and may the love keep shacking them for ever. Read her interview here.

Church Remains the Top Place To Get Married

2013-05-15T04:05:00.000-07:00

This was the resounding result according to a poll carried out right here on Romance Meets Life. Having a wedding in or around your home was the least favorite place people dream of getting married with just about 7% of the votes. A Landmark like a castle or popular building came in a close second followed by Beach and Public Garden which tied for third place. Of the 114 people who voted, the results are as follows;

Church or Registry 31.58% (36 votes)

Landmark e.g Castle 26.32% (30 votes)

Beach 17.54% (20 votes)

Public Garden 17.54% (20 votes)

In Your Home 7.02% (8 votes)

Check out these audacious ideas for wedding locations. Next Poll coming up soon, leave some suggestions in the comments if you have any topic in mind. Thanks for taking part in these polls.

The Mother Revealed in How I Met Your Mother

2013-05-14T23:09:00.000-07:00

My interest in How I Met Your Mother began to fizzle after a couple of seasons, when the titular mother was still not yet in the picture. I still caught an episode here and there, and the recent finale of the last season was one of them. And guess what? The mother has been revealed, and it is said that next season will be the last. Well, it took them long enough. Yahoo reports;

After a drum roll that has lasted eight seasons and almost 200 episodes (183 to be exact), we finally met the love of Ted's (Josh Radnor) life in Monday night's "How I Met Your Mother" season finale.

The episode was almost over. Lily (Alyson Hannigan) was still trying to wrap her head around Ted's secret decision to move to Chicago. She was also still thinking about moving to Italy with hubby Marshall (Jason Segal). Anyway, everyone was getting ready to go to Robin (Cobie Smulders) and Barney's (Neil Patrick Harris) wedding.

Including: a girl in boots carrying a yellow umbrella and a bass guitar (hello, Mother!) and buying one train ticket to Farhampton. Then the episode was over.

So how do we know she's the mother? It's the yellow umbrella, you see. Future Ted once made a reference to "the thing with your mom's yellow umbrella" which he picked up at a party somehow. Also, CBS has confirmed that the girl is indeed the Mother.

Bring on the final season I say.

Brad Pitt Praises Angelina Jolie For Choosing Preventive Double Mastectomy

2013-05-14T21:33:00.000-07:00

Angelina Jolie, who is 37, yesterday revealed that she had chosen the surgical procedure of a double mastectomy as a preventative measure against cancer. This was after genetic tests revealed she had an 87 per cent chance of developing breast cancer and a 50 per cent chance of ovarian cancer. In her article, she had taken the difficult decision so she could tell her children “they don’t need to fear they will lose me”.

She also wrote in the same article, read here, about her partner, Brad Pitt, who she commended for standing by her through the over three months it took to complete her treatment. He has now come out with his support of her openly. Brad Pitt told the Evening Standard:

“Having witnessed this decision firsthand, I find Angie’s choice, as well as so many others like her, absolutely heroic. I thank our medical team for their care and focus. "All I want for is for her to have a long and healthy life, with myself and our children. This is a happy day for our family.”

It's amazing what we can face up to when we have people we love and who care for us too, batting in our corner. I wish them all the best. And they should do and have their wedding too :)

Non Verbal Ways To Tell If A Guy Actually Loves You

2013-05-14T16:00:00.000-07:00

#1 He remembers what you say. A guy who’s in love with a girl always listens to her and remembers what she says, even if it’s something trivial because he takes her seriously.

#2 He’s chivalrous and treats you like a lady. A guy is chivalrous to a girl when he cares about what she thinks of his behavior. If your guy doesn’t care about you, he wouldn’t care what you think of his behavior.

#3 He takes care of your needs. If your man truly loves you, he’d always look for little ways to make your life better, be it about covering you with a blanket when you’re cold, charging your cell phone even when you don’t ask him, or serving you the better piece of chicken when you’re not looking.

#4 You’re always a part of his big plan in life. He speaks about his life and his dreams with you, and you always have a prominent place in all his future plans.

#5 He holds your hand instinctively when you’re in a crowd, or places his hand on your back while crossing the street. This is a reflex action that neither of you may realize. If a guy loves you, he’d definitely want to protect you and reassure you.

#6 He values your opinions a lot and doesn’t take any important decisions about his own life without hearing your opinions and having a discussion with you.

#7 He wraps his hands around you or stands closer to you when you’re talking to some other guys and having a good laugh. It’s his way of letting the world know that you’re the one he loves and every other guy should back away.

#8 He uses the word “we” instead of saying “I” or “Me” while talking and doesn’t even realize it.

#9 He’s very protective of you. If you’re taking a trip by yourself or even if you’re just driving out with friends, does he like receiving your call after you get to your destination? If your man can relax only after knowing that you’re safe, no matter where you are, he definitely has a special spot for you in his heart.

#10 He’s very interested in your life. If your man loves you, he’d always be eager to know everything about your day, including the little detail

#11 The helping hand. He’s always ready to offer a helping hand every time you ask him *even if he’s busy and he does it while whining and grumbling at the same time*.

#12 After the fight. He makes up after a fight just as much as you make up with him. And at times, he even swallows his pride and apologizes first even if it’s not his fault in any manner.

#13 He keeps you updated. He keeps you informed about his life and what he’s up to even though he knows he has no obligation to do so.

#14 He respects you and treats you with a lot of respect. He doesn’t stare at other girls when you’re around, neither does he cut you in the middle of a conversation.

#15 You’re the last person he speaks to or texts at night. If he loves you, you’d be the first and last thing on his mind every time he wakes up or goes to sleep.

#16 He sacrifices his happiness to see you happy. It could be something as small as choosing a restaurant for dinner or giving you the fluffier pillow or something way bigger that can impact his life.

#17 He makes a lot of effort to be liked by your friends and family. He cares about what your friends and family think of him and he also understands that their impression of him will affect your relationship with your friends and family.

#18 He can’t stay mad at you for any reason for more than a couple of hours. People in love can’t stay mad at each other for long, it hurts both lovers too much. So if he takes the effort to apologize or accept your apology, he really does care about you and your feelings.

#19 He talks a lot. If a guy loves you, you’d find that he opens up really easily to you and talks a lot about everything, be it his life, his plans, his work or even about how annoying his friends really are.

#20 He loves spending time with you. He goes out of his way to be with you. And if he has to cancel

a date for any genuine reason, he’d do everything it takes to make it up to you on the next date.

#21 He stands up for you, no matter what you’ve done and no matter where he is. A man who truly loves his woman will stand by her side even if she’s on the wrong. He may criticize you in private, but never ever in public.

#22 Making a choice. If he has to choose between you and anything else in the world, he’d choose you in a flash without even thinking, because he doesn’t need to weigh any options there.

#23 He never forgets your special days, be it your birthday or anniversaries or a big day at work. And he goes out of his way to help you prepare for any big days or events in your life.

#24 He doesn’t get annoyed with you even if he’s busy and you tease him or fool around with him.

#25 At a social gathering, he never gives any girl more attention than he gives you, even if he meets a celebrity.

Culled from LovePanky

Couple Love - Uche Jombo and Kenny Rodriguez

2013-05-14T15:16:00.002-07:00

Uche Jombo and Kenny Rodriguez got married in Puerto Rico last year, see wedding pictures HERE. She's also one of the few Nigerian celebrities I've met and taken a picture with :)

Uche has just shared some pictures on Instagram saying she and her husband, Kenny Rodriguez, are in Atlantic City for their first wedding anniversary. I hope they have a fun time, and here's wishing them more happy years together!

You can follow her on Instagram, here, for more pictures, and follow me too, here.

Bola Essien Nelson - Believe the Best of Your Spouse Always

2013-05-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

Formerly known as the Desperate Naija Woman, Bola Essien Nelson now prefers to be called Salt, and blogs at the Salt Chronicles. She is the author of three instalments of the Diary of a Desperate Naija Woman (2009, 2010 and 2011). She says of herself, "I am not perfect. I am no saint.I am not Maya Angelou. Nor am I Einstein. I am just a working wife and mom stumbling along, trying to make my way to heaven. I must see God. I just must." Enjoy her marriage avowals;

How did you meet your husband?

I met my mgm (mighty good man) at the University of Uyo, Akwa Ibom State, Nigeria where we were both students. I actually remember the first day I saw him because it was in my year 1 and I was with a group of friends and one of them, Rita Ezedunor (nee Ajufo), shouted out loud ‘NEPA!’ as he walked by because he was so fair! I found it quite amusing that they were all going on and on about how tall and handsome he was because I was not impressed at all! I think it was the air of confidence he seemed to have that put me off. To me, he just looked ‘full of him-self’ as most ‘Lagos boys’ did back then.

As these things go, he eventually started ‘toasting’ me and after a long time, I agreed. I remember Rita ‘vexing’ with me for ‘pretending’ not to like him and then going off to date him. The funny thing is that much later I found out that he only asked me out to win a bet! Can you beat that? His friend Kingsley had bet him some money that he would not be able to win me over (I was known to be this ‘prudish, fat, Yoruba girl’). He being a ‘Casanova’ did not understand how anyone could refuse him. So he agreed to the bet for a laugh but as God would have it, he fell for me in the process! Yes, the Ibibio James Bond fell for the Ekiti Little Red Riding Hood. Poetic Justice abi? Lol!

How long have you been married?
We just celebrated our 20th anniversary on the 1st of May 2013 so that would make 20 years! I tell you Myne, it is purely a God thing!

How did your husband propose?
As much as I love to read about all the nice, romantic proposals, I did not have one. I think Henry and I had been dating for so long that the only question that came up was ‘When are we getting married?’ But you know there was this time in my year three when he had gone off to the University of Ife to do his one year practical or something. Something terrible had happened to me and I knew he was the only one who could comfort me. I travelled from Uyo to Ife to seek his comfort and when I told him what had happened, he was just so awesome in the way he took the news and treated me. I knew I was right to have gone to him.

The day I was to leave Ife, he accompanied me to the motor park. He bought me a ticket and as I got on the bus all teary eyed, the next thing I knew he was sitting beside me! He had, on the spur of the moment, bought a ticket. He was going to accompany me all the way back to Uyo! I tell you, in my mind, he might as well have just proposed to me because that was the moment I knew I was going to marry this guy!

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
From my experience, I think it is being ‘exactly’ who you are right from the start. I was not and I paid the price. I tried to pretend I could cook, I tried to pretend that’ I was happy with anything he said’, this was a lie so the moment the real me came out, we had issues. As God would have it, over time, I got to a place where I was cool with who I was and not afraid to show him. If he loved me for real, he would still love me, warts and all. Again, as God would have it, he did and still does. But to anyone out there, don’t risk it. Be true to who you are right from the get go. So that when your partner falls in love, they are falling in love with the real you.

But you know Myne, the main key to marriage is for it to be founded on God, the One who established the relationship in the first place. I personally believe that for a marriage to last and be peaceful and fulfilling, at least one of them, the husband or the wife, has to be a believing, practical Christian. A Christian who is committed to letting God have the final say. I say this because even when love is sure, money is flowing, mother in law is an angel and sex is awesome, there is no guarantee that all will be well. How come? Because the devil will still find a way to destroy your marriage for the simple reason that God established it. This thing goes beyond us. We are caught in the middle of a war between God and the devil. The good news is: God pass the devil anytime!

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?
Just knowing that no matter how much he annoys me sometimes, he IS there for me. We still do not see eye to eye on some things BUT I know, without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me. Plus the fact that I know he will take a bullet for me and any of our children. Plus, I see now that he is better than me at saying ‘sorry’.

What is the hardest part about being married?
The ‘stooping to conquer’ bit of it. It works but it is so hard. For God to intervene my marriage, I have come to believe that I need to ‘stoop’ so that I can get out of the way so that God can reach over me and touch my mgm when I need him to. Nagging solves nothing. So I pray to God to touch him when I believe he needs to see things differently.

To do that, I need to ‘stoop’ and be patient. When I do, God reaches over me and touches my husband with his own wisdom. If I continue to stand in pride and anger, I block God from moving for me. But Myne, I tell you stooping is hard! To the world, stooping is the same thing as being a ‘mumu’, a doormat, a fool! Still, personally, looking at the stats of my life, ‘stooping’ has worked better for me than nagging or being proud!

Do you have children?
Yes, we have three children and we are so grateful to God for them. They are our three reasons for fighting for all that God has spoken over us as a couple and daily we take them ‘violently’ o!

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
Having children saved our marriage! At some point, I believe we would have gone our separate ways but for our children. We might have lost sight of our love for each other but we never lost sight of how much we loved these kids and we did not want to inflict anything on them they did not deserve. At the very beginning, I messed it up a bit being so enthralled by my new status as ‘mom’ and I lost sight of my husband. Any new wife/mom out there, don’t do that!

As soon as the baby comes, carry your husband along! Involve him! Remind him that he is important too. Sometimes I have to remind myself that without my mgm, my kids would not be and that grounds me. Now, even at functions I am conscious of that and try not to let our kids sit in between us! I know, a bit extreme but you never know, a simple message goes a long way! In short, in the event that we stop listening to God, we look at the children he has given us and it brings us to our senses!

Was there a particular challenge that you faced as a couple?
Different libido levels! I am not sure how many times I have asked God if he is having a laugh! Why would he pair me up with this sex maniac! He is not really but compared to me, this is how I saw him. But the truth is that apart from money, the one thing that can negatively impact a relationship is sex or the lack thereof. I cannot lie, it is still a God assisted race for me but what helps me is the knowledge that I truly love this guy and if this makes him happy, then I can and I will. God helping me! Apart from this, I will say this as a warning and an encouragement. Once betrayal sets in, trust is hard to rebuild. But it is possible. So if you have not had to deal with it, Don’t go there! If you have already gone there, then trust me, you can overcome! But know that it will be hard and probably a forever task! Crushed Trust takes a life time to heal.

What do you do to keep the marriage relationship fresh and positive?
To be honest we keep saying it but not sure we have actually done it regularly. But we believe that if we had ‘real date nights’ it would help. Go out on dates and pretend to be meeting each other for the first time. Ask new questions. Dig deeper into each other. Just forget you are married and treat each other like a fresh catch! As part of our 20th anniversary, we are planning on going on a trip together, just us, no kids. That will help. No doubt. My first son was graduating from his A levels in South Africa and our trip to SA for his graduation was our very first alone with no kids. It was superb. We were like new lovers so we know it works! Try it! Often!

What is your advice to those dating or young couples?

Please be ‘real’ from the get go. If you hate the tooth paste being squeezed in the middle, say so! If you don’t like weave on or false eye lashes or the way she chews gum, tell her! Don’t pretend! Be real!

Read the Bible and Pray together. Every day!

Find out what he/she is into and get into it as much as you can. But be honest enough to show that it is not your cup of tea BUT your love for him/her makes you interested.

Talk, talk, talk! Hide nothing! Especially before you get married, discuss everything from the important (will we go to your church? Will we or will we not tithe? ) to the seemingly non-important (will the kids have English or traditional names? Will your brother or mom live with us right after the wedding or not?)

Live ABOVE the ‘Trust line’. This means believe the best of your spouse always. If he says the rice needs salt, the rice just needs salt. It does not mean he does not love you anymore or that you are a terrible cook! If she is running late, it does not mean she has ‘branched’ to spend time with that boss rumour has it is toasting her! Living above the ‘Trust line’ means you will believe the BEST about your partner until otherwise proven wrong.

Please if you are Christian, commit to allowing God have the final say. And remember, sometimes God’s final say will ‘piss’ you off but you need to stick with it! Trust me, he is the ONLY Marriage Counsellor you need. Keep your issues to yourselves. This is my humble opinion!

BE SURE. Be sure that you love ‘the total package, good and not so good’ of this person just as much and as unconditionally as God loves you! Or close!

LinkedIn Bans Prostitutes From Using The Website

2013-05-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

LinkedIn, the website for connecting professionally, has banned users from promoting prostitution services on their website. LinkedIn just rolled out several changes to its privacy policy and user agreement, and if like me, you're on LinkedIn, you'll have seen the notice on their website. Most of the changes seem to be simplifications of the usual fine print, though one new item stands out and appears to be new. LinkedIn says users must not;

i. Even if it is legal where you are located, create profiles or provide content that promotes escort services or prostitution.

This kind of ban, according to ReadWrite, is not completely new. "LinkedIn previously forbade advertising "unlawful" services. However, prostitution is legal in some European countries, and escort services fall into a legal gray area in many jurisdictions." Also, the clarification became necessary, as it seems some LinkedIn members were being sneaky and offering escort and paid for sex through their professional profiles.

The Best Man Holiday Teaser Trailer

2013-05-14T12:09:00.000-07:00

The Best Man was one of the very first African American Romantic Comedies I saw and I fell in love with most of the actors, both male and female. I've since followed their careers in both romcoms, TV series and more serious films. Now, nearly 15 years after that first movies, Taye Diggs, Nia Long, Morris Chestnut, Harold Perrineau, Terrence Howard, Sanaa Lathan, Monica Calhoun, Melissa De Sousa and Regina Hall have just wrapped on shooting the sequel. The synopsis says;

When the college friends finally reunite over the Christmas holidays, they will discover just how easy it is for long-forgotten rivalries and romances to be ignited.

The Best Man Holiday hits theaters on Nov. 15, 2013, just before Thanksgiving in America, and then Christmas of course. That's where the Holiday in the title comes in. I can't wait. See the teaser below.

My Medical Choice - Angelina Jolie On Her Double Mastectomy

2013-05-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

I loved Angelina Jolie in Lara Croft, Tomb Raider. Then in Wanted, and her action movies including Mr. and Mrs. Smith. The whole scandal with Brad Pitt kind of muddied the waters, but in my opinion, she pulled through it pretty OK. She has since then gone on to star in, and direct more great movies.

Angelina Jolie is a hands-on philanthropist and humanitarian ambassador, and she's of course a role model for adoption, and I respect her for that. However, after reading this op-ed article she wrote for the New York Times, where she comes out about having both her breasts removed (double mastectomy) to reduce her chances of cancer, my respect for her has doubled if not quadrupled.

I wish her the best with her health and family. Please read and be inspired, and share.

MY MOTHER fought cancer for almost a decade and died at 56. She held out long enough to meet the first of her grandchildren and to hold them in her arms. But my other children will never have the chance to know her and experience how loving and gracious she was.

We often speak of “Mommy’s mommy,” and I find myself trying to explain the illness that took her away from us. They have asked if the same could happen to me. I have always told them not to worry, but the truth is I carry a “faulty” gene, BRCA1, which sharply increases my risk of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer.

My doctors estimated that I had an 87 percent risk of breast cancer and a 50 percent risk of ovarian cancer, although the risk is different in the case of each woman.

Only a fraction of breast cancers result from an inherited gene mutation. Those with a defect in BRCA1 have a 65 percent risk of getting it, on average.

Once I knew that this was my reality, I decided to be proactive and to minimize the risk as much I could. I made a decision to have a preventive double mastectomy. I started with the breasts, as my risk of breast cancer is higher than my risk of ovarian cancer, and the surgery is more complex.

On April 27, I finished the three months of medical procedures that the mastectomies involved. During that time I have been able to keep this private and to carry on with my work.

But I am writing about it now because I hope that other women can benefit from my experience. Cancer is still a word that strikes fear into people’s hearts, producing a deep sense of powerlessness. But today it is possible to find out through a blood test whether you are highly susceptible to breast and ovarian cancer, and then take action.

My own process began on Feb. 2 with a procedure known as a “nipple delay,” which rules out disease in the breast ducts behind the nipple and draws extra blood flow to the area. This causes some pain and a lot of bruising, but it increases the chance of saving the nipple.

Two weeks later I had the major surgery, where the breast tissue is removed and temporary fillers are put in place. The operation can take eight hours. You wake up with drain tubes and expanders in your breasts. It does feel like a scene out of a science-fiction film. But days after surgery you can be back to a normal life.

Nine weeks later, the final surgery is completed with the reconstruction of the breasts with an implant. There have been many advances in this procedure in the last few years, and the results can be beautiful.

I wanted to write this to tell other women that the decision to have a mastectomy was not easy. But it is one I am very happy that I made. My chances of developing breast cancer have dropped from 87 percent to under 5 percent. I can tell my children that they don’t need to fear they will lose me to breast cancer.

It is reassuring that they see nothing that makes them uncomfortable. They can see my small scars and that’s it. Everything else is just Mommy, the same as she always was. And they know that I love them and will do anything to be with them as long as I can. On a personal note, I do not feel any less of a woman. I feel empowered that I made a strong choice that in no way diminishes my femininity.

I am fortunate to have a partner, Brad Pitt, who is so loving and supportive. So to anyone who has a wife or girlfriend going through this, know that you are a very important part of the transition. Brad was at the Pink Lotus Breast Center, where I was treated, for every minute of the surgeries. We managed to find moments to laugh together. We knew this was the right thing to do for our family and that it would bring us closer. And it has.

For any woman reading this, I hope it helps you to know you have options. I want to encourage every woman, especially if you have a family history of breast or ovarian cancer, to seek out the information and medical experts who can help you through this aspect of your life, and to make your own informed choices.

I acknowledge that there are many wonderful holistic doctors working on alternatives to surgery. My own regimen will be posted in due course on the Web site of the Pink Lotus Breast Center. I hope that this will be helpful to other women.

Breast cancer alone kills some 458,000 people each year, according to the World Health Organization, mainly in low- and middle-income countries. It has got to be a priority to ensure that more women can access gene testing and lifesaving preventive treatment, whatever their means and background, wherever they live. The cost of testing for BRCA1 and BRCA2, at more than $3,000 in the United States, remains an obstacle for many women.

I choose not to keep my story private because there are many women who do not know that they might be living under the shadow of cancer. It is my hope that they, too, will be able to get gene tested, and that if they have a high risk they, too, will know that they have strong options.

Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of.

Angelina Jolie is an actress and director.

Please, we women should check ourselves regularly especially once you're over 30, or if your mother or female relatives have had any kind of cancer. Find information and teach yourself how to self-examine for breast cancer. Go for regular pap smears for cervical cancer, and ask your doctor if you need a mammogram.

Let your doctor know if you have any lumps in your breasts, or pain in your lower abdomen or unusual discharges. Cancer is becoming more and more common. But the good news is that it is usually treatable if caught early, and there is amazing science and technology to help in the process.

Don't allow fear block your future, take control of your health. Today.

Agbani Darego on the TW Magazine Cover

2013-05-14T02:02:00.000-07:00

In the cover story, former Miss World winner, Agbani Darego "opens up like never before, sharing details about her journey from the pageant world to the modeling circuit her current evolution into a fashion entrepreneur with the launch of her eponymous denim line." TW Magazine.

Hafsat Abiola in Chime For Change's Mother's Day Tribute Video

2013-05-14T01:11:00.000-07:00

In her second Mother's Day as a mom of Blue Ivy, Beyonce is joining Gucci’s new Mother's Day campaign for Chime for Change in a tribute video celebrating mother's everywhere. Beyonce and other celebs including Cameron Diaz, John Legend, Blake Lively, Olivia Wilde and Ziggy Marley share their favorite things about their own moms, and the unique qualities that makes their moms so special. Hafsat Abiola, who has been featured before by Chime For Change, also pays a touching tribute to her late mom.

The theme for the video is “This Mother’s Day, I chime for you,”.

Facing Facts - 5 Myths About Women and Sex

2013-05-13T18:16:00.000-07:00

by Kristen Mark

There is so much misinformation floating around about women's sexual desire. It is built up to be so elusive, it is no wonder women feel restricted in their expression of it.

As a researcher who focuses a lot of my attention on sexual desire, I think it is important to set the record straight when it comes to misinformation regarding women's sexual desire.

Here are five myths decoded based on the science of desire:

Myth One: Women have lower sexual desire than men.

No! Research has found that women and men are equally likely to be the partner less desirous of sex. This hasn't been found in just one study, either. In my own research alone, I've found a non-significant difference between men and women in three different samples of couples.

Myth Two: Sexual response involves desire, then arousal, and then orgasm.

Desire doesn't have to come before arousal. Remember the sexual response cycle you learned in health class? That's right, most of you likely didn't learn about this in school... what a shame... topic for another post, perhaps. The model most commonly taught is Masters & Johnson's model of sexual response. It is linear. It doesn't include desire. And it ends with orgasm followed by resolution (they say women don't have to go through resolution, hence the ability for multiple orgasm). A sex therapist, Helen Singer Kaplan, came along and added desire to the model. But she left the model linear, with desire preceding arousal. A more recent model, created by Basson, allows for sexual desire to happen at any stage; much more accurate to women's experience. Sometimes, you don't have any desire but your partner starts messing around with you, arousal kicks in, and bam -- there's some desire you didn't know you had. Desire doesn't have to come first, and there is not necessarily anything wrong with you if it doesn't.

Myth Three: 43 percent of women suffer from sexual dysfunction.

The still frequently-cited statistic from a study by Laumann and colleagues conducted in 1999 that 43 percent of women suffer from sexual dysfunction is, simply stated, inaccurate. It is based on a yes/no response option, where participants were asked whether they had experienced any of seven problems for two months over the past year. If the women answered 'yes' to any of the problems, they were categorized in that 43 percent statistic. This question didn't give any context to the reason around the experienced problems (such problems included lack of desire for sex, anxiety about sexual performance and difficulties with lubrication). There are a lot of reasons other than 'dysfunction' that may account for those types of problems, such as health concerns, relationship issues or cultural expectations. We don't really know how many people suffer from sexual dysfunction, because to be frank, we don't really know whether it is a real dysfunction or not! But that is another topic for another day (but if you're interested, here is some research and a website that may be of interest).

Myth Four: Women with high sexual desire are anomalies.

A study on what were called 'highly sexual women' was recently published by Wentland and colleagues. Based on the responses of 932 women to their online questionnaire, they found that 52 percent of their sample could be classified as "highly sexual." Although sexual desire itself was not measured here, it does give some insight that women who are highly sexual may not be as rare as one might assume.

Myth Five: Women are vastly different from men when it comes to sexual desire.

In the research I've conducted in the area of sexual desire, the most surprising (and perhaps interesting) result has been that there is just as much variation in desire within men and women as there is between men and women. What I mean by that is, people make assumptions that men and women are so different (not just regarding sexual desire -- it goes beyond that), and this may all stem from the whole (recently debunked) 'Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus' idea. But this focus on differences doesn't bring us closer together; it pushes us further apart. And I don't have any research conducted in the past decade to support this vast gender difference when it comes to sexual desire. I've found that variations in sexual desire are much more of a relationship issue than a gender issue.

Women's sexual desire (and men's, too) is far from simple -- it is more like a complicated puzzle, the pieces of which we are still trying to put together. Having pervasive sex-negative myths like those busted above floating around isn't helping anyone. So, do your part to pass the truth on so we can start to get rid of these harmful messages about women and their expression of sexual desire.

___________
Kristen Mark is a sex and relationships researcher. This article was first published on HuffPo

Should I Leave or Should I Stay by Ekene Onu

2013-05-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get the question, should I leave or should I stay. I never give an opinion. I believe you should do as your heart, mind and spirit leads you to. What I do say is this...You can begin the healing process exactly where you are and as you heal and grow, the time will come when you know what to do and find the courage to make whatever choice you choose for yourself.

So how do you begin to heal even in the midst of crappy circumstances? Stop focusing on him(her) and begin to focus on you.

Refresh your spirit by;

1. Reconnecting to yourself. Be quiet. Breathe in and out. Reflect on how God made you and the woman that you still are down deep. I don't care how many mistakes you have made or how imperfect you may seem, you were created by a divine order and not in error. And every day you are given a fresh breath of life. A gift from your creator. Your life is not over. Even if you are constantly in tears...try to remember who you are. And be grateful for that.

2. Reconnect to the people around you. Sometimes we forget that love is all around us. We keep seeking it from one person. And that person may be too damaged to give you what you need. If he cannot or will not love you, it doesn't mean you are unlovable or even unloved. Look around you. Your family, your friends, your children perhaps. Receive their love and give back in return. Cultivate the relationships that feed your soul.

3. Reconnect to God. Your source. I am not talking about spending endless hours praying for change. I mean, spend time in fellowship. For me as a christian, fellowship is often praise and meditation. Basking in the divine love of my creator and getting refreshed and remembering that no matter what, He loves me and wants good things for me. And in that I remember that everything I need to have the life I want, has already been given by Him, it is already in me. And so the empowering comes.

Refresh your body by;

1. Taking care of yourself no matter what. When you are in deep pain, the temptation is to eat badly and be lethargic. (I am not talking about depression - if you suspect depression or any mental health issues, you should seek help from a mental health professional immediately - this advice is not meant to suggest otherwise!) Do your best to get out of bed. Take a shower. Get your pretty on, even if you have nowhere to go. Exercise. Find a dance class. (I can testify! I have found that a good cardio jam class, will get my mind off whatever is ailing me) Eat food that is good to you and good for you.

2. Find a happy place. Have some fun. I know when your life seems to be falling apart, this is the last thing on your mind, but do something totally for pleasure. Take a roller coaster ride. Go to the movies by yourself. Be compassionate to yourself during this period.

3. Make sure you rest. Pacing the floor in the midnight hour will only wear you down. Sleep is rejuvenating for many reasons. Get some sleep. And if you need help doing so, see a health care professional about it.
4. Take care of the way you look. Of course when you feel like crap, you tend to look like crap because you stop caring, but if you make the effort, it can actually have a positive impact on how you feel.

Finally emotions.

Honor them. Cry if you need to. But release the pain. Don't let it sink into your soul and become a defining factor in your life. Release the anger and the bitterness. Try to recognize that this place you are in, though difficult and painful is creating the potential for you to become better, stronger and change your life.

Create emotional distance if you are being emotionally abused. Create boundaries and enforce them (if you can do so safely) Refuse to listen, if you are being spoken to in an abusive manner. And if you do listen, when you can, after the noise has cleared. Speak life back into your soul. You are not worthless, you are not .... (fill in the blanks) you are carefully and particularly created and you too have a destiny and you have worth.

And always remember you have a future. Today is just today. So try to keep things in perspective. This is not your whole life. There is more to come. The best is yet to come and you can create a new reality.

These are the basics of Refresh.

But through it all...pray. And I pray for you too. May you have wisdom and clarity of thought. May you have the resources to do what you need to do. May you have love in all it's permutations. And may you become the woman you were born to be.

________
Ekene Onu is a speaker, author and lifestyle strategist. She is the Author of "The Mrs Club", "Can I be real?" and the upcoming "Aristocrat wives". Connect with her at www.refreshwithekene.com. She also hosts conferences, workshops and lifestyle experiences around the US and in Nigeria. Follow her on facebook @Refreshwithekene and on twitter @ekeneonline for more details on the Refresh ideology.

Ibifiri and Bolaji Kamson - We Make A Good Team

2013-05-13T02:04:00.000-07:00

Ibifiri is the blogger behind Secretlilies, she is also a writer and aspiring author. She writes of herself, "I love motivating people, I love women empowerment, I am a romantic at heart, I love fashion and I love creativity. Things I do: Fashion: Love making handbags. Writing: I love to write, even though I haven't published any novel yet. Reading...I long for days I can lazy about in bed reading a good romance novel. Very relaxing. God: hmmm Love Him. Temi: my knight." Enjoy her marriage avowals;

How did you meet your husband?
After uni we were told that we had to stay at home for an extra year before we could go for youth service, so I decided to be a photographer. Would I say it was fate or what there was an opening in one of the best photo studios in Port Harcourt and I sent my CV, went for the interview and was hired. That's how I meet my husband, turns out the owner of the photo studio was/is my husband. He was scoping me right from the day of my interview..lol

How long have you been married?
25th of October this year, would be 5 years.

How did your husband propose?
He tricked me into going to le Meridan hotel, when I got there, the head staff told me some story that some one asked to see me in the conference room. I wouldn't have gone in the first place but he was so polite that I obliged. Got into the conference room, which already had a romantic setting. I sat down still wondering what it was all about, and wondering who really wanted to see me while thinking that I must have missed the polo tournament. Lo and behold my husband then boyfriend came out from behind the curtains, got down on one knee and proposed. All the staff in the hotel knew about this except me.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
God, honesty, patience, openness and friendship.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?
He is someone I can always count on

What is the hardest part about being married?
For me there is nothing hard about being married, so I don't know

Do you have children?
Yes, a lovely, beautiful daughter.

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
My husband and I make a good team. Together we have put her on a schedule and we work around it together. So I still do the things I used to when I wasn't a mum and even more, I just plan more. Days I would be busy daddy babysits, days he is busy I do the babysitting. This has made us closer and happier.

What is your advice to those dating or young couples.
Make sure you are friends, honesty is key. Talk about everything from sex to your best colors. It amazes me when married women say they hide things from their husbands. My husband is my best friend and I am his best friend. We don't have any secrets, so beware anything you tell me or him be rest assured that we both know about it.

If you enjoy these series and want to be featured, please contact myne@mynewhitman.com

Leonardo DiCaprio is Definitely Not The Great Gatsby

2013-05-13T01:09:00.000-07:00

The Great Gatsby is a great book. I enjoyed it when I read it, a long time ago to be honest, and I am looking forward to seeing it at the cinema soon. Two of the reasons drawing me to this movie version is Baz Luhrmann directing and Leonardo DiCaprio playing the title role.

After falling in love with his portrayal of Jack in Titanic, I've been a fan, and it's easy to think he's the same as the characters he plays on the big screen. That is, until you see pictures like the ones below.

Warning, you might be traumatized. :)

Sanaa Lathan and Gabrielle Union - Is 40 the new 30?

2013-05-13T00:02:00.000-07:00

Both Sanaa Lathan and Gabrielle Union are over 40 and both women are looking awesome. Definitely, there are more women these days who know how to take care of themselves, and keep looking fit and trim long after the age when some of our mother's generation gave in to the battle of the bulge. When she was listed as one of People's most beautiful women, Gabrielle was asked how she keeps looking so young, she replied;

"I started drinking a gallon of water a day in my mid-thirties. It changed everything from weight maintenance, to hair, skin, nails and digestion."

I've been hearing about the amazing properties of water from everyone recently, from my GP to my hairdresser to my gym instructor. For someone who barely drinks 5 small cups of water a day, its time to amp it up.

Children's Book Week Giveaway

2013-05-12T22:05:00.000-07:00

Established in 1919, Children's Book Week is the longest-running literacy initiative in the country. Each year, books for young people and the joy of reading are feted for a full week with author and illustrator appearances, storytelling, parties, and other book-related events at schools, libraries, bookstores, museums, and homes from coast to coast! Visit Book Week Online for more information.

This giveaway hop to celebrate and promote Children's Book Week is hosted by KidLitFrenzy, Mymcbooks and I Am A Reader, Not A Writer. I will be giving away an Amazon.com GC of $10 value, and this giveaway is open to US residents only.

To enter, follow this site via Google+ and leave a comment below with your details. Good luck.

The United for Kids Foundation Sparkle Ball – 15th of June 2013

2013-05-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

United for Kids Foundation (UKF) is a registered organisation in Nigeria, UK , and US. They aim to alleviate the hardship of less privileged kids in Nigeria through Educational, Healthcare, and Social programs. These include providing libraries, school equipments (desks, toilets, roofs) for state run schools, visiting and presenting gifts to motherless babies' homes, providing alternative private medical care to children in government run hospitals as well as a monthly visit to State-run hospitals.

All activities are funded through donations and sponsorships received in the 3 countries mentioned above. Both trustees and volunteers carry out their responsibilities without receiving a dime from the foundation. This we have done for over 10 years and hope to continue for a foreseeable period. Our mission is to heal Nigeria one child a time.

Once again, United for Kids Foundation (UKF) is pleased to announce the last of its inaugural series of fund raisers towards its 2013 program. The UKF Sparkle Ball is the Queens’ land version of our popular black-tie event which promises to deliver elegance and entertainment at its finest to Nigerians and friends of Nigerians who live in the UK.

For sponsorship opportunities, please contact info@unitedforkidsfoundation.org

The event venue: The prestigious Hilton London Tower Bridge
Date: 15th of June 2013
Time: 6pm to 10pm

Find more information on how to buy your tickets HERE.

Woman Buried For 17 Days in Collapsed Bangladesh Building Rescued

2013-05-12T13:30:00.001-07:00

A woman buried for 17 days in the wreckage of a collapsed building in the Bangladeshi garment factory was rescued last Friday. This is indeed a miracle, knowing that more than 1,000 people had died in the accident and their bodies removed from the scene.

She told the private Somoy TV in Bangladesh;

"I heard voices of the rescue workers for the past several days. I kept hitting the wreckage with sticks and rods just to attract their attention. No one heard me. It was so bad for me. I never dreamed I'd see the daylight again. There was some dried food around me. I ate the dried food for 15 days. The last two days I had nothing but water. I used to drink only a limited quantity of water to save it. I had some bottles of water around me."

According to HuffPo, "She was discovered on the second floor of the eight-story Rana Plaza building, where crews have been focused on recovering bodies, not rescuing survivors, for much of the past two weeks. Once Reshma finally got their attention, the crews ordered the cranes and bulldozers to immediately stop work and used handsaws and welding and drilling equipment to cut through the iron rod and debris still trapping her. They gave her water, oxygen and saline as they worked to free her.

When Reshma was freed after 40 minutes, the crowd erupted in wild cheers. She was rushed to a military hospital in an ambulance, but her rescuers said she was in shockingly good condition, despite her ordeal."