Romance Meets Life

Sex on the First Date - What's the Big Deal?

2012-02-17T23:01:00.000-08:00

First published on Naijastories.com by Greatness4life

I’m sure all the 'Holier than thou peeps' are about to get their panties in a bunch just from the title alone, but, nonetheless I’m here to talk about having sex. And doing it on the first date - I mean doing it hard on the first date. I’m a 21st century woman, and a lover of sex.

I don’t consider myself an "ashawo" or anything like that but I do believe in sexual freedom, meaning if I want to have sex, I simply do gorgeously. I don’t need permission or clearance to do so. I’m sure some people have already called me names from my statement, but whatever.

I was having a discussion with a few friends over drinks (that’s when everyone was honest) and the issue of sex on the first date came up.

Oh!! Before I go into all that we discussed, let me give a mini story.

A while ago, one or two years ago, maybe.

I was introduced to a guy by a mutual friend via facebook.

A very good looking guy.

After a few messages and chats on fb.

We connected on BB, and chatted up a bit.

Over the next few days.

We talked and got to know each other better, and all that good stuff.

Eventually I agreed to go out on a date with him.

The date was as good as any date I had been on.

He was just as handsome as I expected via his pictures.

His look and body configurations captivated and ensnared my heart.

We talked about a range of topics, and he pretty much impressed me with his intellects, and vast knowledge on a lot of things.

This guy was very well rounded.

After dinner,

we headed to a bar,

had a few drinks,

Then we’re in the club dancing the night away, and I was having a good time of my life.

Slow dancing,

Extra touching,

Eyes fixing,

And, one thing led to another

In a nutshell, we found ourselves at his apartment making out on the couch.

Pause....

Now at this point, the girl in me is thinking

“Slow Down”

But everything else points to letting things flow.

And let it flow, I did.

We had sex. I mean great sex if I may add.

That was beginning of a 15 months relationship.

We broke up eventually for numerous reasons but we remain friends.

Now, back to the present,

I told my friends of my sex on the first date and how it leads to my last relationship.

To my surprise I was judged by almost everyone.

The guys,

The girls,

And, I’m sure the bottles too.

“How could you?” was their yelling

“That’s ashawo behaviour”

“That’s probably why you guys didn’t last”

“He never respected you.”

You would think I offered to have sex with him for money on the first date.

I personally think that if it feels right, then go ahead with it.

I’ve done the whole “wait for the 3rd date” thing, and guess what?

After that date where we had sex, a few days later he was acting funny.

And a week or 2 later he was history.

I have friends who hold out for months.

Once the guy gets the nookie, he bails.

So really, what’s the big deal with having sex on the first date?

Why place so much emphasis on it?

I’m of the opinion that it’s only an immature and insecure man that’ll hold that against you.

One common statement I get from guys is

“Well if it was that easy for one guy, then maybe it’s easy for everyone.”

Negative.

Not every guy is able to win me over like that.

One guy might take a few hours, and another might take 6 weeks.

It’s all based on chemistry to me.

Then again I might be wrong…

…I would think we would have gotten over this,

but in 2012 are we (women) still being judged by when we put out?

Guys, what’s your opinion of a girl you have sex with on the first date?

Ladies, would you have sex with a guy on the first date?

Why I hate Religion but love Jesus - Jefferson Bethke speaks my mind

2012-02-17T03:00:00.000-08:00

I don't usually like discussing topics on faith because mine is deeply personal to me and I understand it can be the same for others. I also know we are all given different and individual measures of faith. When I say I believe in Jesus Christ and the Word of God, some people think I'm talking about religion and I understand that too. But I think they're two different things, and that is why we can have religious extremists who do things against the tenets of their faith, or what they are supposed to believe.

So while we were all brought up as Christians in my family, I accept that I may not see every topic the same way with my brother or my sisters. Then I consider other Christians that attended different Sunday Schools or Bible studies from me, and I bite my tongue before I get into religious arguments. However, there comes a time when you just have someone speaking your mind, almost exactly and even much better than you would've put it. Jefferson Bethke, the guy in that video, is one such person and some verses from his spoken word is below. See full lyrics at his Rap Genuis page.

Now back to the point, one thing is vital to mention
How Jesus and religion are on opposite spectrum
See one's the work of God, but one's a man made invention
See one is the cure, but the other's the infection
See because religion says do, Jesus says done
Religion says slave, Jesus says son
Religion puts you in bondage, while Jesus sets you free
Religion makes you blind, but Jesus makes you see
And that's why religion and Jesus are two different clans

Religion is man searching for God, Christianity is God searching for man
Which is why salvation is freely mine, and forgiveness is my own
Not based on my merits but Jesus's obedience alone
Because he took the crown of thorns, and the blood dripped down his face
He took what we all deserved, I guess that's why you call it grace
And while being murdered he yelled
"Father forgive them they know not what they do."
Because when he was dangling on that cross, he was thinking of you
And he absorbed all of your sin, and buried it in the tomb
Which is why I'm kneeling at the cross, saying come on there's room
So for religion, no I hate it, in fact I literally resent it
Because when Jesus said it is finished, I believe he meant it

I have to confess that the older I get, the more this dichotomy between the church and Jesus Christ and his teachings become to me. No, I'm not talking of individual pastors who get into scrapes or scam their members. I'm talking of established denominations and congregations who abide by doctrine that plainly is in opposites to what Christ taught. And it starts from the Priests to the newest member. from beliefs that tithing will get you to heaven, to prosperity preaching that tosses humility and the poor to the wayside.

I sometimes ask myself, what is going on? I am yet to know the answer.

My Bouari Weight Loss Experience Day 22 - Still Doing it

2012-02-16T21:43:00.000-08:00

The days are really slipping past quickly now that the end is in sight. Over three weeks gone and just about a week and a couple of days left before I come to the end of the program. Some days have not been as good as others but I think generally it has been not too difficult. During the last few days as I tended to my visitor, I hit another plateau and I think that kind of discouraged me.

I was yoyoing between 141 and 142 pounds for all week, and I ate some things I shouldn't have, sure, there was no excuse, but sha, I felt I was being too hard on myself. Anyway, the verdict is out and I've crossed the 140lbs mark. I can't remember the last time I was that weight, it must be like a year ago, if not more. So, I'm very happy as it seems my goal of 135lbs is doable after all.

Random Acts of Kindness Giveaway - Who's been Good?

2012-02-16T17:01:00.000-08:00

The Random Acts of Kindness giveaway hop is hosted by I Am a Reader Not a Writer and several blogs are taking part, with lots of amazing gifts, Check the full list of participants. There are two prizes on offer,

1. 2 people will receive a phone call from me to discuss anything they wish - 5mins
2. 3 people will receive eBooks of my A Love Rekindled

To enter, fill out the form below. You have to be following this blog to be eligible. You get an extra entry if you leave a comment on this post in answer to the question - What's the most recent act of kindness you've given or you received from someone?

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“I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston on Glee

2012-02-16T12:39:00.000-08:00

I just watched this episode of Glee online and I was blown away by the rendition of Whitney Houston's “I Will Always Love You” by Amber Riley's character, Mercedes. Mercedes is in a love triangle and sang the song in this scene with one of the guys that liked her. I'm only watching that episode today because we went out for a movie on Valentine's day when it aired. I watched the full show on the FOX website but you can see the Youtube Clip below.

When I finished watching, I had to go on Youtube to see if I could find the clip, I wanted to listen over and over. Goosebumps just washed over me and the tears that didn't come on Saturday finally escaped. Amber Riley really did the song justice, and her performance is a great tribute to Whitney Houston.

Funny, I read from the Youtube comments that the Glee producers didn’t even plan this as a tribute. The episode had already been taped earlier and fixed for Valentine’s Day, and it just so happened that Whitney Houston died last weekend. This certainly shows how one will always live on through their talent.

Public Displays of Affection - Only for the Married and Engaged?

2012-02-15T23:10:00.000-08:00

Joke Silva and husband, Olu Jacobs

Just last week we were talking about American style romance being the new standard of dating, and Ginger raised an interesting point.

If anything, the reticence displayed by a good number of African men towards showing affection in public (compared to the privacy of the bedroom- not even living room)is the African stylee. So 'thumbs up' to those who are willing to be Western and even say 'you are burriful' to their girl in public.

I am of the opinion that for most young Nigerians dating in cities around the world tend towards the western or hollywood depiction of romance. However, Ginger is right that majority are still more conservative than is typical in say, London or New York. This I think reflects the traditional culture of most Nigerian communities, where marriages are arranged between families, as well as the colonial and religious history that wanted women to be chaste virgins.

In my own experience, mothers told their daughters that even holding a man's hand in public will either get her pregnant, or it would mean that no other man would marry her. OK, my own mum didn't tell me exactly that, but she did impress on me how important my bride price, lol...This I think is the reason why relationships in Nigeria, and even of Nigerians outside the country is more subtle than most. Most girls do not let anyone outside their closest circle know of their boyfriends until he is ready to make it respectable, you know propose, or at least be introduced to family.

I confess that I did the same, Atala and I had been talking for about 6months before my parents heard about it. That said, I'm a big big lover of PDAs and whenever we were together in those days, my hands would be all over him. Now, I got into a discussion the other day about when PDA's are acceptable.

According to some people, even at that stage, Public displays of Affection are not really encouraged. The dating couple should always be very discreet. Women, and sometimes the men too, should not express their love in public like holding hands, hugging, touching, or even saying I love you. The couple can only PDA a bit after making the announcement to friends and family members, or when the suitor has done the introduction or traditional marriage. Most preferably, they should wait till after marriage.

Me, I believe a couple should start as they mean to go on, and in this case, practice makes perfect. I find PDAs sexy and romantic, and it is like foreplay. If a couple are not comfortable touching each other when others are there, I think it would be harder even when they're alone.

What is your own stance? Will you hug or hold hands with your boyfriend/girlfriend in public, or do they have to wait till you're married. That is if ever?

The Marriage Avowal Series - Kelly Westover

2012-02-15T07:07:00.000-08:00

My guest for today is Kelly from Life is a balancing act, a lifestyle blog all about living, loving and designing your life. Kelly describes it as "Where I generally babble about my quirky thoughts, perspective on mama-hood, my spastic designers eye, some tasty treats and my adorable son, Quinn.". I found Kelly's blog on one of those blog hops, and really liked her bubbly personality and the pictures. Oh, the pictures!

Enjoy her marriage avowals and some baby cuteness overload below :)

How did you meet your husband?

At church actually. I had just moved back to California and was a nanny for a local family. I'd been in the area a few months when this tall, dark and handsome 'newbie' showed up one Sunday. I couldn't take my eyes off of him throughout all of Sacrament meeting. I have a thing for tall, skinny guys and at 6' 8", 215lbs, he fit the bill perfectly. He came and sat next to me for the next hour, Sunday school, but didn't say a word! It about drove me nuts, and then when the class was over he got up like he was just going to leave. So I quickly struck up a conversation with something lame like 'where do you buy your shoes', blaming it on the fact that my brother is also tall and has a hard time finding larger shoes. It was pretty comical, but it did the trick.

I found out he was home from school - BYU-Idaho - on his off track, and we started hanging out with some mutual friends for a few months until one day, at Institute (A.K.A - bible study) he was reading the bulletin board in the hallway, and I walked by and slapped his butt. Then just kept on walking. I was dying in my head - 'did I really just do that?!?'. But in his head he was thinking 'green light!' and he finally asked me on a proper date.

How long have you been married?

We sealed the deal in the Oakland LDS temple on August 6, 2006 which makes 5 1/2 years this month. It was the perfect day. Sunny, not too warm, the fountain at the temple was on and I was beyond happy. I probably did, but I don't remember feeling the 'jitters' at all. I remember sitting the waiting room wondering 'can I go it yet?'. Always the impatient one.

How did your husband propose?

It was one of those crazy rainy years in the SF east bay area. We literally had rain for 32 days straight. So when the first sunny day came along we took advantage and went into SF. Ironically enough it was April Fools Day - which only now is really funny, but I didn't even think about it at the time.

We'd been talking about doing all of the funny touristy stuff that I'd never done before. He took me to Ripley's believe it or not, The wax museum, we had lunch at The Jungle Cafe and to finish off the day we drove up and waited in line forever to get to Coit tower. I even remember saying at one point 'we don't have to wait, we can just go'. But he was adamant, so we stuck around.

He took me all the way up to top and we ooohed and awweed at the views of the city and Alcatraz, it really was something else. Then he leaned over and whispered in my ear 'Kelly, I have a confession'. I looked up at him with my oh no, what did you do look and he said 'I didn't just bring you up here for the views'. Then he got down on his knee, brought out the ring and said 'Kelly, I love you more than anything in the world. Will you marry me?'

I remember being a little shaky but very strongly saying 'yes!' and grinning from ear to ear. He slipped the ring on and I turned around and yelled 'I'm getting married!!!' to everyone in the tower and they all clapped for us. Someone even volunteered to take this picture so we could remember that exact moment.

It was pretty perfect.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?

I've heard many girls say that they've married their best friend. I never qualified Eric in that way when we were first married, but I certainly do now. I get to spend the rest of forever with my best friend. The man who fathered my children, helps to raise them, and is working so hard right now so that he can provide for us as a Chiropractor. He's my confidant, my lover, my shoulder to lean on. Marriage is hard but I feel like we've finally hit our stride and we're in a beautiful place right now. I can't wait for the end of the work day to come so I can rush home to spend my evenings with him. We swap stories, have some great laughs, flirt like crazy and snuggle up at the end of the day because we just love to be around each other.

What is the hardest part about being married?

Communication was our biggest battle. I had the hardest time just coming out and telling him what I wanted and needed and he had the hardest time understanding what the heck I was saying. I'm an emotional being and he's a rational being so we literally weren't speaking the same language. It's taken time, understanding, patience, some loving counseling and a bit of heart break to finally strip down all of our walls so we would let the other person in. It's not such an easy thing molding your life around another all of a sudden.

After being independent and free for so long it's quite a change to all of a sudden have someone else to be held accountable to, who knows the intimate details of everything going on in your life. I wasn't even that close with my mother so it's been a big transition for me. But it's worth it. It's worth every tear and heart breaking moment because the joy at the end of the tunnel is so much better than the pain you go through to get there.

Do you have a child?

We have a son, Quinton. He turns two next month. And we hope to be adding another little one in the not too distant future. We both want a fairly large family. Somewhere between 4-6 kids. We'll see how that plays out.

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?

Having a child has been such a blessing to our lives and our marriage. It was a huge transition going from just the two of us to now three. Loosing our ability to go to Monterrey on a whim or stay out late just because. And learning how to work with each other the way we each needed and wanted. That odd period of time when my body was healing from birth but we had a new suckling baby who couldn't be away from mamma for too long was quite a trial. But I feel like we handled it really well and came up with a system that worked for us both.

Eric was a grad student at the time and I was out from work on Maternity leave but just because I got to be at home didn't mean that I wasn't still in pain and exhausted from all the newness. If Eric had simply said 'sorry babe, I've got to sleep through the night so I can do my classes in the morning' I would have felt so alone and abandoned. Instead he recognized that he could play a part in the crazy night time routine, ease my burden and show his deep affection for me. He would wake up with Quinn at least twice every night, change his diaper and then bring him to me for feeding. It was small, but significant. And I felt us grow closer together because of it.

In those small moments I felt like Eric was showing that no matter what was happening in the life and world around us, that he would always put his family first. And he most certainly does.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful marriage?

Desire. If you desire to be loving, kind and helpful and to make it work no matter what, then you will. I always think of the movie 'The Break-Up' when I think about this. That moment when Jennifer Aniston's character is telling Vince Vaughn's character that she wants him to 'want to help with the dishes' and he reply's with 'why would I want to help with the dishes'. It wasn't the dishes, it was that he had no desire. No desire to show that he truly cared, that he would brave the dishes to show his love and dedication. If you desire to be the best spouse that you can be, then eventually you will be.

Thanks for having me over Myne! I feel so grateful to have been asked to talk about my marriage and family.

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Black Love - Kiru Taye's His Treasure (Historical Romance)

2012-02-14T22:00:00.000-08:00

My guest author today is Kiru Taye. Kiru is a founding member of the Romance Writers of West Africa and her Trilogy, Men of Valor, is published bu Breathless Press. Kiru Taye writes steamy contemporary, historical and paranormal romance. Her debut historical romance novella His Treasure is a Love Romances Cafe Best Book of 2011 award-winner and an All Romance eBooks bestseller in Historical Ancient romance category. When she’s not writing, she’s reading, hanging out with family or travelling. She lives in the UK with her husband and two young children. You can reach her via her blog,Facebook,Twitter, and Goodreads.

Q: Where did you get your inspiration for His Treasure?

Life. I got my inspiration from the people around me. There is nothing more endearing than a patient husband especially with headstrong women like me. lol. I love a man who isn’t a pushover but who is confident enough in himself that he won’t demand the woman’s submission. It’s such a turn-on.

Q: Why did you decide to write this as a historical romance?

When I made the decision to write fiction, I also decided I wanted to write stories that showcased African heritage and culture positively. There are several misconceptions about Africans before colonisation. One of such is that love and romance didn’t exist in Africa until the colonials dropped by and taught us. That is totally wrong. Love and romance have always existed in Africa, although expressed in different ways.
The reasons Africans buy this misconception is because they only read about blonde-haired and blue-eyed characters falling in love. If they read more stories with kinky, braided-haired brown-eyed Africans in them, then perhaps they will dispense of such silly misconceptions. So I wanted to write stories that showed Africans falling in love in a historical context while still dealing with other cultural issues that might impact relationships.
In His Treasure (Men of Valor, #1), I touch on how polygamy and arranged marriages affects relationships and families.
In His Strength (Men of Valor, #2), I touch on how widows and non-indigenes (non nwaala) are treated.
In His Princess (Men of Valor, #3), I touch on the impact of slavery and rape.
But the single thread running across all these stories despite the issues is the love and romance. All my lead characters have happy-ever-afters in store for them.

Q: This interview is part of my posts on the black history month. Do you think African history counts as that or should it be limited to African-Americans only?

If you classify Africans as ‘black’ then of course African history should be part of the month long celebrations.
But then again I’m one of those people who don’t like being referred to as ‘black’ because I’m African not black. I’d rather be classified for my heritage rather than my skin colour. And by the way, my skin colour is not black. It’s brown. Rant over. Lol
So yes, black history month is African and African-American history month.

Q: Did you have to do a lot of research to situate your book in the appropriate place and time?

Yes, I did. I used history books and online references as guide. Ultimately though, my stories are fiction.

Q: What was your publishing journey like, from idea to holding the book in your hands?

For His Treasure, the journey was relatively simple. One of my RWoWA colleagues had shared a link to our group for a publisher interested in novella length stories. There was also another publisher with a call for submission for stories under 15K words. At that time I was writing another story The Warrior’s Healer, but this was a much longer length story and didn’t fit the requirements. So I decided to write another story.
The first scene that came into my head was of this young woman on her way to the market early in the morning in ancient Africa. I didn’t quite know who she was or what her conflict was. But she was walking along chatting with her friend who happened to be pregnant. From there the story developed.
So after I’d polished the story, I sent it out to several publishers hoping one would bite and Breathless Press came back to me in a matter of weeks with an offer of a publishing contract. Three months later the book was published in ebook format. It’ll be out in print along with His Strength and His Princess in mid-2012.

Q: His Treasure is the first of a Trilogy named Men of Valor. What is it about these men?

African men take a lot of flak for being arrogant and domineering. Yes, I agree. But they are also loyal, honourable and full of integrity. They are men who serve and protect the ones they love. They are Men of Valor. J
I also have to add that the Men of Valor series is no longer just a trilogy. There’ll be other titles in the series. The 4th book is titled Her Warrior.

Q: I was almost halfway into the book before I realized the heroine's name could have been the basis for the book title. Is this the case and which one came first?

Lol. You’ve got me there. For the first 2 books in the series, the names of the characters played a role in the title of the books. The names came before the titles.
In His Treasure, Adaku is Obinna’s treasure—a play on her name.
In His Strength, Nneka is Ikem’s strength—a play on his name.

Q: Do tell us more about Adaku, from your blurb, it doesn't seem she's the run-off-the-mill girl for her times.

Adaku is the daughter of a titled man in Igbo nobility (in English nobility, her father would’ve been ranked as a Duke or similar) so she was raised with privileges in a polygamous household. There was a lot of competition within the household especially amongst the wives. Special privileges are accorded the women who give birth to the first son or daughter. So Adaku’s mother was in a privileged position.
Ezes (kings) in ancient Igboland were figureheads as they still maintained a ruling council of elders (much like a parliament, although not elected). Emeka is the king’s son, and Adaku had a huge crush on him growing up. She thinks he’s going to marry her. One day she’s found with him at night without a chaperone and her parents think the worst, that she might be pregnant. Since the prince hasn’t offered to marry her, they marry her off to the next suitor that comes along which happens to be Obinna.
Of course this annoys Adaku and she takes her anger out on her new husband hoping if she behaves very badly he would send her back home. But to her chagrin, he doesn’t.

Q: What about Obinna? Who is he and what kind of man is he that makes him a worthy hero for Adaku?

Obinna is a man on the opposite end of the status scale. While he’s not poor, he’s had to work for everything he owns. He is quite entrepreneurial, expanding on the wealth and land left to him by his parents. His father died while he was young so he had to grow up quickly to take up the lead role in a household full of women. He has three older sisters who are all married.
When he sees Adaku dancing at a coming of age festival, he falls in love with her on sight. He thinks she is out of his league because his father wasn’t titled. He also overhears rumours about her relationship with the prince. But his sister encourages him to make a formal proposal to Adaku’s father. It’s accepted and he feels on top of the world. Until he brings his wife home and she shuns him, testing his patience.
While some other men would have beaten their wives or even forced them into their bed, he didn’t. Despite Adaku’s attitude he never lost faith that she would become his in time. That’s what makes him a worthy hero.

Q: Why do you think the two characters are suitable for each other?

Adaku is a woman who wants to be able to make the right choices in her life and Obinna is a man patient enough to let her learn and grow and ultimately make those choices positively. Obinna loves her and in the end she understands the value of that love and loves him back. She even defies her parents to show that love. A perfect match.

Q: Some readers are fixated on the sex scenes but I'm used to those. What do you think is the most romantic scene in the book?

There are several romantic scenes. One of my favourites is the bedroom scene where Obinna is watching Adaku sleep. There’s just something about a man putting the love of his wife above his own physical need that gets me all the time. And then she wakes up and tortures him even more. J Here’s a snippet.
He turned around and his heart caught in his throat. She looked even more beautiful when she was awake. Her eyes, with a befuddled look, were still filled with the last fog of dreamland... He turned and walked out. If he stayed any longer, he would be climbing into her bed.

Q: Your hero and heroine had their trust issues which they had to overcome to get to their happy ending. Do you think this is common in relationships?

I think trust is a big issue in some relationships especially where there are exes looming large. Partners who’ve met on the ‘rebound’ tend to feel threatened by the ex syndrome. There’s always the nagging doubt that if the ex makes an appearance, the spouse would leave. Those issues need to be worked through. It’s important that your partner understands he/she is the most important person to you.

Q: I read a reviewer that was not sure about your sex scenes because he felt Africans didn't engage in such acts in historical times. What do you say to that?

Yes, that was in reference to the oral sex scene. My comeback is that oral sex is not a ‘modern’ or ‘western’ invention. Parts of some African cultural women’s rites of passage included being taught different sexual acts by older women in the community so they could please their husbands. Most of these cultural rites of passage were abolished with the introduction of ‘Christianity’ that classified anything outside ‘missionary position’ as immoral.

Q: What's up next for you?

Oh, I’ve got a To-Write list to keep me busy for the next year. But here are the main things on the list:
· Write books 2 & 3 of the Challenge Series. Book 1, A Valentine Challenge is out now.
· Write book 2 of the Essien trilogy. Book 1 is currently with a publisher.
· Edit book 3 of Men of Valor, His Princess. Publication, mid-2012.
· Write book 4 of Men of Valor, Her Warrior. Publication, late-2012.
· Finish The Warrior’s Healer. I put it on hold last year when I wrote His Treasure.
· Finish Her Weekend Bodyguard. I also put it on hold last year.

Q: Please tell us where we can find the book for purchase.

A Valentine Challenge is available now on eBook formats for $1.99 via Amazon US, Amazon UK, and All Romance eBooks. His Treasure can be found on Amazon US, Amazon UK, and All Romance eBooks

Some Songs Lovening Up my Valentine - Enjoy

2012-02-14T11:21:00.000-08:00

There are four videos from Musiq Soulchild, Olumide, Estelle, and Tyrese but my favorite is this one with the chorus below. Today is my third wedding anniversary and the answer remains YES.

When 2 or 3 years from now
you start having some doubts
about if this love will last
The answer is yes...

Musiq Soulchild - Yes

Estelle - Thank you

ToluMide - For me

Tyrese "STAY" feat. Taraji P. Henson

Happy Valentine's Day and Giveaway Winners

2012-02-13T23:18:00.000-08:00

This was the e-card sent to me by Lady Ngo and I really loved it. She mentioned Atala too, so I shared it with him. I hope you all have a lovely and loving day. Happy Valentine's Day all.

The Winners of the With Love Giveaway are;

A Love Rekindled - Pendo and Miki
A Heart to Mend - Sally and Savannah
Always and Forever, Love - Okeoghene

The Wedding Avowal Series - Charles Nelson Carter and June Eileen Davis

2012-02-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

This story was sent in by Sally Stackhouse in response to the With Love Valentine Giveaway. I asked people to talk about the longest marriage they know about and Sally shared the marriage story of her parents though she wasn't eligible for the book, Always and Forever, Love - Success Stories of Marriage 20+years Strong by Otis G. Sanders (BTW, you can still enter for this giveaway - open to US residents). She later sent in the photos so I could share it with everybody.

Hi Myne, I thought you might be interested in my parents' story. On 1st August 2012 they will have been married for 59 years - they married on 1st August 1953.

Actually, they met each other in 1946 when my mother was 16 years old and my father was only 14 years old. My mother didn't like my father at first but according to my mother he was very persistent. In fact she freely admits that she wasn't very keen on him for a couple of years. My father always seemed to be catching the same bus as my mother was when she left work, although he could have caught an earlier bus to get home. During this time my mother would ignore him, to the point where she had several boyfriends and a group of friends who were girls and boys but my father was always a hanger-on to this group.

My father went straight from school in to the Royal Navy at age 15 and when mum and dad decided to get married my father had to obtain the permission of his Captain before the wedding could go ahead, as well as asking my grandad for his permission for my mother's hand in marriage.

So he had to pluck up his courage three times,
1)to ask my mother,
2) to ask her father and
3) to ask his Captain's permission.

Times were so very different back then.

The other interesting point to make is that England was still suffering from rationing after WWII and my grandmother made my mother's wedding dress and the bridesmaids' dresses and the wedding cake. My mother's wedding ring was a band of tiny gold hearts all joined together.

In fact, when they reached their 50th wedding anniversary (above pictured), the ring wore down so much that my dad replaced it for her along with a new engagement ring . They do suffer now from some age related ailments and don't do quite as much as they used to, but still live independent lives.

I believe couples who celebrate their 50th anniversaries are doubly blessed, because not only do they enjoy the companionship of a long marriage, they also have the richness of a long life and will probably see their grandchildren and all. Just like the oldest couple in Always and Forever, Love, this is a lovely and inspiring story. I wish them more love and happy years together.

My Bouari Weight Loss Experience Day 18 - Spa and Lunch out

2012-02-12T20:24:00.000-08:00

Just a short update here. I'm still sticking to the plan, cutting back on the calories, but bulking up on the proteins, fruits and vegetables. It is still working, my current weight as shown above is 142.6lbs. I think it could've been better, but my cycle is wreaking havoc with me now, and I feel as bloated and constipated as a hippo (sorry hippo!)

Anyways, this past weekend marked the beginning of our anniversary thingies, and so I took Atala out for a spa treatment. Zouzou's Musings suggested that idea in reply to my What are you getting your love for Valentine post (thanks dearie). I made it a surprise, told him we were going for a walk and brunch. He laughed when we got to the spa place and so I knew I got it right. We definitely both enjoyed the amazingly relaxing full body massage. The venue was a lake front, and while we didn't have the awesome view during the massage, it was part of the foot soak and paraffin hand treatment. Wonderful, I tell you.

Afterwards, I took him out for lunch. While he tucked into his Salmon Steak, I managed the Garden Salad. I got his steamed vegetables and some of his Salmon too after I bribed him with Fish and Chips, that British staple :) And did I mention the restaurant was also located around the lake, and we had a window seat? It was marvelous quality time together, and now I don't mind that 14th is on a work day.

Have a lovely week all. More marriage avowals are on the way.

The New Standard for Dating - American Style Romance

2012-02-12T00:34:00.000-08:00

Anytime I watch romantic Nollywood movies, I am always irritated; the couples act western for reasons I don’t understand. In such movies, when the lover boy – usually played by Ramsey Noah or Desmond Elliot (for the past fifty years!) – talks to his lady, his accent and intonation automatically becomes American. Likewise, the ladies try to “westernize” their behaviours, replying with their own yankee accents, twisting and playing with their hair, and laughing at EVERY joke the guy makes with a kind of “babyish” , “shyish” , cute , but yet hysterical laughter.

For a while, I thought these annoying romantic acts were only confined to Nollywood movies but I was wrong. One of these days, when you’re free, just go to The Palms Plaza, Silverbird, Ikeja City Mall, or even eateries like Mr Biggs, try eavesdropping on couples conversations , and you’ll hear the way they talk , and see the way they act , like “American Couples”. But when you look at some of the faces of these “Americana” couples, you’ll see they are typical, “ogbonge” Nigerians just behaving like oyinbo.

After observing all these behaviors from our naija couples, I was disturbed and decided to pour my feelings to a close friend, a Nigerian, but I wasn’t explicit at first.

I asked her “If you go on a date with a Nigerian guy, and he wears traditional attire and orders traditional delicacies –like eba , pounded yam and all those sorts – what will be your reaction?”

I remember, she paused, looked at me, smiled and said “NO WAY! How will someone eat eba on a date? or wear agbada?”

Her answer surprised me, so I was more direct in my next question, “Why is it that most Nigerian couples spro (our mutual slang for “using American accents”) when they go out on a date, what is wrong with out normal intonation?”.

“Using foreign accents shows you’re globally exposed” she replied. After that reply, I got so irritated, the conversation ended there. In fact, it is that conversation with my friend that inspired me to write this essay.

Globalization may have made us borrow a lot of things from America: their free market economic models, their democratic style of government, and even their fashion. But must we borrow the way they do their romance? Globalization has really robbed a lot of cultures — especially African cultures — of their identities. Countries and people are unwittingly loosing their sovereignty, uniqueness and originality all because they want to copy something or a style of living that they perceive as being superior, the ways of the west. I’m not implying that couples should behave in primitive manners or neglect etiquettes, no, but what I have a problem with is why our media, and couples seem to base their standard and “level of exposure” by what the west thinks. Furthermore, as a person of faith , I believe God made each tribe , race , and country for a distinct purpose. If we copy other people , there is no way we will discover that “distinct purpose”.

On the other hand, it will be fair to add that this “westernization” of romance is not an African crime alone. Back in my university days overseas, I remember occasions where some non-English speaking European couples or Asians tried altering their accents in order to impress their significant other. When I remember those events, I laugh.

So what is wrong with telling a girl you like, “Kin na da kyau”, in Hausa, instead of the conventional, “You look so burriful baby”.

Or why can’t we go eastern with marriage proposals, “Achorom inu gi”. It’s more natural than asking for a girl’s hand in marriage using elaborate but pointless phonetics.

And then, if you want to pour your heart out to that person you fancy, but you don’t know how to “posh up” your accent, it’s okay, just say;“Mo fe ran re”.

Globalization has made Nigeria adopt an economic model which has made the average Nigerian suffer today – look at IMF’s directive on the removal of fuel subsidies. Please, we should not let globalization touch our romance.

So if you ever invite me for a date, and I wear kaftan instead of a tuxedo, and order for amala instead of rice, don’t be annoyed. If you’re annoyed, you’re on your own. After all, that’s the way our forefathers did it.

This was first published on Naijastories by Aghogho Sam.

To be honest, I don't mind the globalization of romance myself, but I understand that each person has to find out what works for them. What's your own experience?

Whitney Houston is Dead - Where do broken hearts go?

2012-02-11T18:54:00.000-08:00

I was out most of today running errands and had not time to check my social media on my BB. Back home, I opened up my laptop, and what were all my Facebook friends talking about? RIP, Whitney Houston. What?! Yes, it is true. She passed away this evening at her hotel. She was just 48.

Nonplussed does not describe how I feel now. I didn't burst into tears like I did when Micheal Jackson died, but I'm close. I know she had her problems, but she has always been one of my favorites, and I was looking forward to the day I would go see her sing in concert. Hmm...another huge talent is gone. I hope she is now able to find the peace that eluded her here on earth.

Enjoy one of my favorite songs from her, and my playlist while writing some parts of A Love Rekindled.

I don't know where broken hearts go, Whitney, but I hope you find your way Home. Adieu.

I know it's been some time
But there's something on my mind
You see, I haven't been the same
Since that cold November day
We said we needed space
But all we found was an empty place
And the only thing I learned
Is that I need you desperately

So here I am
And can you please tell me, oh

[Chorus]
Where do broken hearts go
Can they find their way home
Back to the open arms
Of a love that's waiting there
And if somebody loves you
Won't they always love you
I look in your eyes
And I know that you still care, for me

I've been around enough to know
That dreams don't turn to gold
And that there is no easy way
No you just can't run away
And what we have is so much more
Than we ever had before
And no matter how I try
You're always on my mind

And now that I am here with you
I'll never let you go
I look into your eyes
And now I know, now I know

With Love, Valentine's Day Blog Hop Giveaway

2012-02-11T06:00:00.000-08:00

It's time for the love giveaway! The Valentine's Day Blog Hop is hosted by the Blog Hop Spot, with several other authors and bloggers taking part and lots of prizes to be won - see the full list of participants in the blog hop. To enter this contest, you have to be a follower of my blog either by Google Friend Connect, Facebook or Twitter. What's up for grabs?

1. Two eBook copies of A Love Rekindled. (International!) Leave a comment with your email address to be eligible for this book.

2. Two eBook copies of A Heart to Mend (International!)Leave a comment with your email address to be eligible for this book.

3. I'm happy to announce that one lucky reader (only the US, sorry!) will win a copy of Always and Forever, Love. To be eligible for this book, tell me in your comments about the longest married couple you know.

Comments close morning of 14 Feb, Valentines Day, and winner will be announced on the same day. Good luck!

Facebook Parenting - Father shoots Daughters Laptop

2012-02-11T00:03:00.000-08:00

Do you think he went too far? The man seemed pretty upset in the video as he read the supposed posting his daughter made on her Facebook page before he went ahead to shoot the laptop. Of course, some of the stuff the daughter wrote were quite offensive, but to be honest, they're the kind of thoughts that pass through a lot of teenage minds. She thinks her parents are overworking her with home chores, and expresses a wish to be paid. Her mistake this time was posting those thoughts garnished with bad language for the amusement of her Facebook friends.

The dad is in IT and no, no..he didn't go snooping into the laptop, lol. I think that was why it was so painful for him. Old man spent 6 hours fixing the laptop, and $130 dollars updating the software so the daughter can do her schoolwork, and then replies from her FB pop up ridiculing his parenting. Not fair. He says his daughter is spoiled and I don't disagree that she needs discipline, but shooting the laptop? Hmmm...looked like overkill to me.

First, what a waste? Surely he could have given it to someone else? Or if he was worried about the data getting out, then lock it away until she can buy it back.

Second, what does that say of his anger management? I certainly wouldn't want to be around this man when he's angry and carrying a gun.

Well, this man is Tommy Jordan and I went to his Facebook page from the video. He had the following publicly posted in reply to a media inquiry for an interview. I can see his point of view, but still...

Media Response to Anita Li, from the Toronto Star

Since you took the time to email us with your requests like we asked, I’ll take the time to give you an honest follow-up response. You’ll have to forgive me for doing so publicly though; again I want to be sure my words are portrayed the way I actually say them, not cut together to make entirely different points.

Your questions were:
Q: Why did you decide to reprimand your daughter over a public medium like YouTube?

A: Well, I actually just had to load the video file itself on YouTube because it’s a better upload process than Facebook, but the intended audience was her Facebook friends and the parents of those friends who saw her post and would naturally assume we let our children get away with something like that. So, to answer “Why did you reprimand her over a public medium like Facebook” my answer is this: Because that’s how I was raised. If I did something embarrassing to my parents in public (such as a grocery store) I got my tail tore up right there in front of God and everyone, right there in the store. I put the reprisal in exactly the same medium she did, in the exact same manner. Her post went out to about 452 people. Mine went out to about 550 people… originally. I had no idea it would become what it did.

Q: How effective do you think your punishment was (i.e. shooting her laptop and reading her letter online)?

A: I think it was very effective on one front. She apparently didn’t remember being talked to about previous incidents, nor did she seem to remember the effects of having it taken away, nor did the eventual long-term grounding seem to get through to her. I think she thought “Well, I’ll just wait it out and I’ll get it back eventually.” Her behavior corrected for a short time, and then it went back to what it was before and worse. This time, she won’t ever forget and it’ll be a long time before she has an opportunity to post on Facebook again. I feel pretty certain that every day from then to now, whenever one of her friends mentions Facebook, she’ll remember it and wish she hadn’t done what she did.

The second lesson I want her to learn is the value of a dollar. We don’t give her everything she asks for, but you can all imagine what it’s like being the only grandchild and the first child. Presents and money come from all sides when you’re young. Most of the things she has that are “cool” were bought or gifted that way. She’s always asked for very few things, but they’re always high-dollar things (iPod, laptop, smartphone, etc). Eventually she gets given enough money to get them. That’s not learning the value of a dollar. Its knowing how to save money, which I greatly applaud in her, but it’s not enough. She wants a digital SLR camera. She wants a 22 rifle like mine. She wants a car. She wants a smart phone with a data package and unlimited texting. (I have to hear about that one every week!)

She thinks all these things are supposed to be given to her because she’s got parents. It’s not going to happen, at least not in our house. She can get a job and work for money just like everyone else. Then she can spend it on anything she wants (within reason). If she wants to work for two months to save enough to purchase a $1000 SLR camera with an $800 lens, then I can guarantee she’ll NEVER leave it outside at night. She’ll be careful when she puts it away and carries it around. She’ll value it much more because she worked so hard to get it. Instead, with the current way things have been given to her, she's on about her fourth phone and just expects another one when she breaks the one she has. She's not sorry about breaking it, or losing it, she's sorry only because she can't text her friends. I firmly believe she'll be a LOT more careful when she has to buy her own $299.00 Motorola Razr smartphone.

Until then, she can do chores, and lots and lots of them, so the people who ARE feeding her, clothing her, paying for all her school trips, paying for her musical instruments, can have some time to relax after they finish working to support her and the rest of the family. She can either work to make money on her own, or she will do chores to contribute around the house. She’s known all along that all she has to do is get a job and a lot of these chores will go away. But if you’re too lazy to work even to get things you want for yourself, I’m certainly not going to let you sit idly on your rear-end with your face glued to both the TV and Facebook for 5 to 6 hours per night. Those days are over.

Q: How did your daughter respond to the video and to what happened to her laptop?

A: She responded to the video with “I can’t believe you shot my computer!” That was the first thing she said when she found out about it. Then we sat and we talked for quite a long while on the back patio about the things she did, the things I did in response, etc.

Later after she’d had time to process it and I’d had time to process her thoughts on the matters we discussed, we were back to a semi-truce… you know that uncomfortable moment when you’re in the kitchen with your child after an argument and you’re both waiting to see which one’s going to cave in and resume normal conversation first? Yeah, that moment. I told her about the video response and about it going viral and about the consequences it could have on our family for the next couple of days and asked if she wanted to see some of the comments people had made. After the first few hundred comments, she was astounded with the responses.

People were telling her she was going to commit suicide, commit a gun-related crime, become a drug addict, drop out of school, get pregnant on purpose, and become a stripper because she’s too emotionally damaged now to be a productive member of society. Apparently stripper was the job-choice of most of the commenters. Her response was “Dude… it’s only a computer. I mean, yeah I’m mad but pfft.” She actually asked me to post a comment on one of the threads (and I did) asking what other job fields the victims of laptop-homicide were eligible for because she wasn’t too keen on the stripping thing.

We agreed we learned two collective lessons from this so far:

First: As her father, I’ll definitely do what I say I will, both positive and negative and she can depend on that. She no longer has any doubt about that.

Second: We have always told her what you put online can affect you forever. Years later a single Facebook/MySpace/Twitter comment can affect her eligibility for a good job and can even get her fired from a job she already has. She’s seen first-hand through this video the worst possible scenario that can happen. One post, made by her Dad, will probably follow him the rest of his life; just like those mean things she said on Facebook will stick with the people her words hurt for a long time to come. Once you put it out there, you can’t take it back, so think carefully before you use the internet to broadcast your thoughts and feelings.

The Place of Trust and Honesty in a Relationship

2012-02-10T07:31:00.000-08:00

Good day. Please I need some advice.

Some years ago, my ex-fiance got a girl pregnant and married her. I was hurt. I knew I needed time to trust again so I haven't been in a relationship for over 3 years. Early last year I was attracted to a potential boyfriend's best friend and to avoid issues I remained just friends with both of them. Met the guy I was attracted to again in late last year and the feelings came up again. I decided to open my heart again and I fell for him. He is a very principled guy, loves God, hasn't pressured me for sex but a part of me just feels that he isn't telling me something.

I met his Dad this new year and he invited me to a family gathering but I didn't go. My guy took offence and called me personally to express his anger. Instead of feeling like I was loved and accepted by his family, a part of me just felt that something wasn't right. My "boyfriend" is very secretive about his family so I did a little research and found out that his mum was a high ranking official and they were very conservative people, so I understood.

The main issue remains that something just doesn't feel right. He travels abroad a lot but at very strategic times. Close to Xmas, close to valentine, close to US thanksgiving, close to his birthday. Basically on all eventful times of the year. I have asked him about his past but he wouldn't say. After these trips last year, a part of me began to feel that he has a family abroad, but he is so young it's hard to believe that.

Truly, I want to trust him and love him fully but its just so hard when I feel he's not being very open with me.

Today I saw pictures of him doing a traditional wedding with a white woman and I confronted him about it. He said that their marriage was soon annulled but a part of me just don't believe him.

After the experience with my ex, I don't want to be hurt again. Maybe this has made it difficult for me to ever love again or trust again?

Sorry for my long message. I wanted you to know where I was coming from. I respect your opinion a lot I must say. I would appreciate your help.

___________

Above is an email I received from a reader of this blog. I really didn't know what to tell her. My initial reaction was that the guy cannot be trusted and that he definitely still has a woman abroad. That would mean this lady could only be his wife in Nigeria. On the other hand, he sounds like a really steady person, as are his family, so that makes me think he could be honest about his plans. But, if the earlier marriage has ended, why is he still travelling? Maybe he has children, that could be the reason? I just don't know.

I asked her permission to share this letter on the blog and she said she would love to hear different opinions. What do you guys think?

Success Stories of Marriages 20+ years Strong - Behind the Book

2012-02-10T04:00:00.000-08:00

My Review: You remember how the other day we were discussing whether divorce was trending and Atilola pointed out that a lot of marriages were still going strong despite the stats. This book is a perfect example of this, and it is quite encouraging to know that these are real people like me, living everyday lives. The books is a coffeetable book, with wonderful full page pictures of the couples, and by the other side, their stories and the marriage lessons are well perfectly distilled. While the photography is amazing, what has me often opening the book to one couple or the other are the nuggets they share. The oldest couple, married 73 years are so cute!

You have read the first part of this interview with Otis Sanders, the author of Always and Forever, Love. In this part, he shares what motivated him to embark on a love and marriage project.

Q: When did you start to work on Always and Forever, Love?

A: The idea started in 200l in February when I interviewed 4 couples about "Love & Marriage" for a post for Valentines day. http://seventhson.org/Archives/Februaryseventhson2001/gallery.htm
After I wrote that post for my website, I was satisfied so I didn't do anything else until 2008 when I decided to do a full-on a book.

Q: What motivated you to plan a book on the longevity of marriage?

A: One of the main reasons was the fact that I was married for 4 years and it ended in a divorce. It was after my divorce that I wrote the post for Valentines Day on my website. I was really interested in finding out what successful couples were doing to have long standing, successful, happy marriages. Before this book I had planned to publish two other books, the first was going to be a photography book from my travels through 6 countries in 6 months in Africa by bicycle living in my tent, cooking my food on a camp stove and interacting the the people I met. That book crashed a burned. I was successful in making two trips to West Africa, but was not able to complete the whole trip. The second book was to be on African Americans in Network Marketing. That didn't happen either, but I was determined to write and publish a book. I talked to a friend of mine about the idea for the book on successful marriages and he and his wife liked it. The following evening I interviewed them as my first couple and that was the official launch of the book.

Q: The subtitle of the book is: Success Stories of Marriages 20+ years strong. How did you decide on the minimum number of years?

A: 20 years of marriage seemed like a great mile stone to me. Although 10 and 15 years are a long time, it just seemed to me that once you made it to 20 years you've gone through all or most all the things that could come between the two of you, but the bond is so strong nothing could break it.

Q: And Why did you section into intervals of 15 years?

A: I use the different sections partly for layout and design of the book. I didn't want to just have all the couples lined up from shortest to longest marriage so by separating the couples by years of marriage such as 20-35, 36-49, and 50-73 that allowed me to have a page announcing the years (with big numbers) that was coming next and since there were only numbers on the page I could use the other blank space for a poem that relates to journey of marriage.

Q: Your book is very inspirational for newlyweds and those struggling with marriage. Did you plan it like that?

A: No, I didn't plan it like that. The book was really done for selfish reasons. I wanted to find out what it took to stay married for 20+ years, show off my photography and finally, to publish a book. As I got deeper into the process of interviewing these couples and seeing how they interact with each other and experience the love that they expressed for each other, which was not always verbal I began to think that there was a possibility that others outside of myself would get something meaningful from it.

Q: Who are your favorite couple in the book?

A: I'd have to say my favorite couple in the book would be Floyd & Carla Williams of Atlanta, Ga., they've been married 26 years. I say that because I attended The Atlanta College of Art with Floyd, and we've been friends since college; it was he and his wife that liked the idea for the book and they were the first to be interviewed for the book thereby helping to launch the project.
I was with Floyd the night he met his wife Carla and I was the photographer for their wedding 26 years ago, although I let him know that I didn't photograph weddings. Floyd's reply to that was, "I know you don't photograph weddings, but you're going to photograph mine." I left Long Beach, California (where I had just moved back to from Atlanta) went back to Atlanta planning to stay only for a week to photograph the wedding and ended up staying there 1-1/2 years.

Q: Tell us more about the oldest married couple in the book.

A: Willie and Eliza James, of Tensaw, Alabama, he was 102 years old at the time of the interview and she was 95. They were a great couple, he did most of the talking because it seems that he and my father were "Road Buddies" so he could remember every detail of their times together in their younger days. When asked about details of their marriage they both were a little fuzzy about the particulars, but he was very clear about what was needed to have a long standing marriage though, instead of a long drawn out formula for success he simply says, "Treat each other right."

Q: I'm sure you interviewed lots of people. Was it hard choosing the particular couples to include?

A: I'm only one person away from knowing each of the couples in the book. There are couples from my childhood from my hometown of Atmore, Alabama; there are couples I've attended college with, a few are relatives, and some are friends of friends, and family of friends. I actually included all the couples I interviewed for the book; there were none left out or excluded because their story was more or less exciting than others. Just the fact that they were able to make it to and past 20 years is a feat in itself and worthy of being included in the book. I didn't want to do a mass call for couples because I wanted to know their story or someone I knew that had witnessed their story.

But there's more, click back for the next post to enter the giveaway to win this book!

The Marriage Avowal Series - Kemi Macaulay-Newman and Uche Newman

2012-02-09T05:00:00.000-08:00

Kemi Macaulay-Newman, the founder of 9jamom.com, has known her husband Uche Newman for almost 7years now having dated him for about 3years before they got married. She says, "It just hit me we've actually spent all 3 anniversaries - the most recent one; another road trip to Myrtle Beach, SC. - with our son, lol! OK, next one has to be alone, geez!" With this, I wanted to know how this affected their relationship as a married couple. Enjoy Kemi's marriage avowals below;

How did you meet your husband?
I was in MD for my Masters program and attended a Nigerian Independence Day party with a friend in DC where we met. We ended up being really good friends, and then more :)

How long have you been married?
3 years +

How did your husband propose?
Always said I wanted a unique proposal and I must say he did a great job! We had talked about getting married so I knew he would propose at some point but I didn't know when but I always thought he'd do it when I visited in MD, not while he was visiting CA.

It's really difficult to surprise me because I almost always figure it out but this time, I was truly surprised...
Uche insisted on having my car for the day even though I didn't understand why he absolutely needed to go to the gym on the day I had to go down to San Francisco for a meeting… he won, (only because he was visiting) and I had the pleasure of a very long ride from San Jose to SF on Cal train (total commute was close to 3hours).

After a long day and even longer time commuting, I was so ready to go off on him if he was even a minute late in picking me up. He met me at the station holding a sign but I was too tired to entertain the goofiness that I walked right past him without reading it but stopped when the guy behind him asked if I planned on answering…

Puzzled, I looked back, read the sign and slowly took in the "Will you marry me?" I still thought it was all a joke so I walked out to the front of the station (I was really slow that day, and if you know Uche, his jokes - which I thought this was - can be pretty elaborate). It finally sunk in when he got on one knee outside the station and whipped out the black box…after a little silence, at which point he was probably starting to worry about my answer, I said yes which was followed by hooting and blaring horns from the cars picking up passengers and passers-by...

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?

Being best friends - we can talk about any and everything, which isn’t always the case with a lot of marriages. And his crazy sense of humor that only gets better with time, and always keeps me on my toes.

What is the hardest part about being married?

We're both strong-willed so when we disagree about something, it really takes divine intervention to find a middle ground ;). And the little things seem much bigger when you're under the same roof - I can never remember where I put my car keys compared to how disciplined he is about leaving his in the same place. He always seems to prefer to leave his shoes smack in the middle of the entryway despite the shoe bench.

Do you have a child?
Yes

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?

Tremendously! OMG, where do I start? Hubby and I had a long distance relationship for more than 2 years after I moved back to CA so I was really looking forward to being able to settle into living together and some serious couple runs - travel, short trips, nights out etc etc. Since our adorable little one was a honeymoon baby, we didn't really get that time - we had to adjust to living with each other and a baby at the same time.

Having a baby has definitely changed how much time we can spend hanging out or doing activities on a whim (we both love adventures and spontaneous trips). Also it's too easy to focus only on the baby and forget about the relationship between the parents. One of the things we've done is to set a deliberate budget for a babysitter - can be expensive but we'd rather sacrifice other things - a strong 'us' is totally worth it so we make sure we get out and have some 'us' time at least 1-2 times a month (no, not a weekly date night as recommended because that would kill the bank). And when family is around, we take advantage of it.

Before we got married, we always said we never wanted having children to put an end to having fun so we plan a lot of family trips and take our son along for the ride - we've celebrated two anniversaries with him in tow: the first a road trip to Vancouver (he was 3months) and last year's indoor rock climbing; we simply took turns watching him ;)

One other thing we do is to factor in time where we each get "alone" space - so he might take our son to a bounce gym or somewhere else for a couple of hours so I can chill at home, or stay home while I hang out with girlfriends or a run to my favorite place – Barnes & Nobles ;). And I do the same.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful marriage?
Communication and the commitment to "work" at having a successful marriage; we are both from broken homes and going into this knew we'd have to work even harder to create that example we never had. Also, not having seen a happy marriage first hand means having to work harder to balance projecting the different "ideals" we've mapped out over time, hence the reason why it's important to talk, talk, talk....

I found love in a way I could never ever imagine - Real Love Story

2012-02-08T09:47:00.000-08:00

This post was sent in by Atoskin of Life and Living Blog. She really enjoyed the Real Love Stories last February and wanted to share her love story with my blog readers too as a testimony. Enjoy her story;

I met "my timekeeper" as I fondly call him through his uncle. His uncle and my mum attend the same church so we have known them over the years. As a matter of fact, his uncle and my mum belong to the same society in church. After my last bloody break up, I decided that I would take my time and let God choose for me.

I visited my mum on a particular weekend so I worshipped at her church, "my former church". After service as usual, I greeted every body who knew my mum and I.

When the weekend was over I went back to my house to get ready for the week. Sometime during the week my mom called me and said she had gist for me.

She told me that a particular man in our church who belongs to the same society as her called told her that he wanted to borrow something from her. She was confused as she didn't know what he meant. Eventually, he spilled the beans and said that he wanted to introduce his nephew to me. So my mum gave him my number and asked him to speak to me.

I found it very funny and I was excited at the same time. I patiently waited for his call but it never came through until two weeks after. Before the call came through, My mom would call me and at the end of every conversation, she would ask me if he has called and I would say no. At a point I had to tell her to stop asking and I told her that she would be the first to know when he calls.

I took my mind off the phone call and continued with my life. Then on this fateful day, I forgot my phone in the office and by the time I got to work the day after, I saw two missed calls from an unknown number. Let me say here that I do not return calls from numbers I don't know.

Well, before the close of work that day, my phone rang again and it was that same number, I had a butterflies in my tummy as soon as i saw the number. I answered the call, boy, I was happy!

He told me he wanted to see me in person so we fixed an appointment.

We finally met, and he asked me a couple of questions; the first question he asked was "Are you in a relationship"? And I said no. So he started by telling me about his nephew, his past relationship and how he has promised to get him a wife and how he thinks we are compatible and then he made a comment that really made me blush, in his words, he said "If I was still single, you are the kind of woman I would marry". I couldn't help myself from smiling stupidly. That was the nicest thing someone said to me in a very long time.

He went on and on, and I must confess that I already started "jelling" for this timekeeper I hadn't seen or met. I then asked for his full name because I wanted to check him out on facebook as soon as possible.

Eventually, I checked him on facebook and I liked all I saw so I just kept calm and waited for his call. He added me on facebook and called me a day after.

That was how we took off, he doesn't live in Nigeria but was he was coming home for his sister's wedding which was to take place in about 8 weeks from the time we started talking. We started counting the months, then the weeks, the days and when it got to the hours, I started getting paranoid.

We enjoyed every minute we spent together on phone, we talked about anything and everything. I prayed about us and I asked God to perfect all that concerns us if we are truly meant to be and He did!

Finally he arrived in nigeria but we couldnt meet until the day after. Our first meeting was magical, we were so happy and it felt like we had known each other for years.

I attended his sister's wedding, met his parents and all his siblings and I was amazed at the love they all showed towards me. It felt too good to be true.

He asked me if I would marry him and I said YES!

I'll paying him a visit in a couple of days and I cannot wait to be spend the rest of my life with him.

My timekeeper will always be a constant reminder that God loves me so much. He indeed makes all things beautiful in His time.

P:S Many thanks to 9ja foodie for inspiring me to want to spoil him with food. You are really a blessing!

Atoskin Sweeti.

My Bouari Weight Loss Experience Day 13 - What I'm eating

2012-02-07T21:50:00.000-08:00

This will be a short report since it's not been so long since I updated. Not much has been happening but after our grocery shopping this last weekend, I've been able to switch up my meals and I'm loving it. There was this particular recipe in the booklet that was new to me and which I wanted to try. Except in the occasional Greek lasagna, and the usual fried, scrambled and boiled eggs or omelette, I hardly ever use eggs in cooking. So Huevos Rancheros sounded like just the thing.

It was a simple enough recipe; with a little olive oil, stew some onions, tomatoes, chili, and bell peppers together for about 20mins. Spice to taste as you cook and then pour everything into an oven dish. Make holes in the stewed vegetables and crack in your eggs (you can use only egg whites too). Preheat oven to 350F and bake for 15 minutes. It turned out awesome and has a place firmly in my repertoire of dishes.

Cantaloupe

Pomelo

In other news, how come I've just discovered Cantaloupe? This is one great fruit. So, I'm quite conservative when it comes to fruits, I have my favorites like Bananas, oranges pawpaws, cherries, pears, watermelons, strawberries, grapes and sometimes apples. Mostly Bananas to be honest. But since I've basically cut out Bananas from my diet in the meantime, I have to be more open. That was why I added Cantaloupe and Pomelo to our fruit list.

Well, if your taste is anything like mine, and you enjoy sweet and juicy with a bit of crunch, you'll definitely like cantaloupe. I cut up one on Monday morning and we just finished it, absolutely fantastic. The Pomelo grapefruit? Maybe not so much. I think I'll stick with lemons and oranges on that one. :)

Always and Forever, Love: Otis G. Sanders (Guest Author)

2012-02-07T07:30:00.000-08:00

As part of the Black History Month book bloggers hop organized by Mocha Girls Read. This week is about business related topics pertaining to black authors. And so my guest author today is Otis G Sanders, a lovely African American man I met at the Los Angeles Black Book Expo where I did my first book Signing. He bought a copy of AHTM because he had visited Lagos before and wanted a contemporary take of the city in a novel. He also told me about his book project on love and marriage, and we decided to keep in touch. The book project was completed late last year and I was blown away when I received my copy of Always and Forever, Love: Success stories of 20+ years strong.

Enjoy my interview with Otis about his writing journey below. It is a two part interview and tomorrow, we'll round it up with the stories behind finding these couples. Don't miss it, one lucky commenter will be getting a free copy of Always and Forever, Love.

Q: Tell us about the book, Always and Forever, Love.

This book is a celebration of the institution of traditional marriage. With approx. 50% of all marriages in America ending in divorce there is a desperate need to bring to light the other 50% of marriages that survive where the couples are happy and in love after 20 years or more of marriage. This book, "Always&Forever, Love" consists of approx. 50 married couples of different Ethnic groups that have been married not less than 20 years. Each couple was interviewed and photographed to produce this book. Each couple has 2 pages in the book, one page will be highlights of what they have done to make their marriage work, and the opposite page will be a full page photograph of the couple. Different Ethnic groups were used to demonstrate that there is no difference between the races when it comes to the institution of marriage. What makes a marriage work for an African American couple is the same for an Anglo, Hispanic, Interracial, or Asian couple.

Q: Tell us more about your own life, and how does that affect your writing?

A: Well, since the age of 12 I’ve been involved in photography. That involvement has gone on now for more than 20 years. During that time I also developed a love for reading, but more importantly I developed a love for the craftsmen and women of the written word. It’s always been a desire of mine to write. I’ve always thought that if I could write well enough to convey as much information as a photograph could I will have accomplished my goal. Since Always and Forever, Love is my first book and I wrote from information gained through interviews, I think it’s a good attempt to get my foot in the door of writing. Thus far the things I write about will have to have a photography aspect so that I can use those talents along with the written word.

Q: What do you do in addition to writing? Where can readers find you online?

A: In addition to writing, I'm involved in photography and Home Improvement. I can be found online @ http://alwaysandforeverlove.org, http://seventhson.org, http://seventhson.org/blog,
Amazon.com: http://tinyurl.com/7xkob24
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/otis.g.sanders,
twitter: @alwaysn4everlov, @77thePlace

Q: I see that the people in the book live all across the country. Did you have to do a lot of traveling?

A: I didn't have to do any more traveling that I would have done anyway. I have a son in Atlanta that I often visit, so I chose couples in places I that visit frequently. During this project I had to drive cross country a few times as I had to take photography equipment with me to photograph the couples and flying and renting cars for such a long period of stay would not have been economically sound. I was away from home a lot because of the project and scheduling the couples in different states.

Also, while I was traveling I set up Home Improvements while away to make some of the money back I spent while on the road. During the span of interviewing and photographing couples down south I was able to remodel 3 bathrooms, install 100 toilets and perform any number of Home Repair jobs.

Q: What was your publishing journey like, from thinking of the idea to when you held the first copy?

A: Wow, it has been a journey indeed!! I would not trade the experience for anything, I've learned a lot! There were times when I came in from work knowing I had to write articles for the book, but was just too tired to do anything. Other times I just could not put the words together, even though I was well rested. There were other times I had to stay at home and write, interview couples or photograph them while my family was out having a good time taking trips and having fun. There were times when I wanted to just stop the whole project. I drove cross country last year in January getting caught in snow and ice storms to finish up couples for the book. I was always on my last dollar doing this project, but it was all worth it when I saw the book coming off the presses and held the first copy in my hands. When that happened, I felt that I had done one more of the things I wanted to do before I left this earth.

Q: What has been the reception for the book?

A: The reception for the book has been great! It's not being sold everywhere, but the places it's being sold and during my book signings people have been expressing the need for such a book on successful marriages. I think judging from the reception thus far, when I'm able to spread it far and wide the reception will be even greater.

Q: So you are self-published, what has the business side of writing been like for you?

A: The business side has been interesting, because being self published means you have to do everything yourself! Now that the production is over, the marketing and selling begins. All in all it's been good, just a little slow because I can only do so much in a 24 hour day while having to work other jobs. I decided before the book was finished that since it took 3 years to finish the book I will dedicate not less than 5 years marketing the book.

Q: How do you distribute your books, and do you make enough money to remain in business?

A: I'm working on getting a distributor to help get my book out to book stores, but until then I will continue to set up book signings, speaking engagements on my own, sell the book on my website: http://alwaysandforeverlove.org and on Amazon.com: http://tinyurl.com/7xkob24 and any where I'm allowed. (I keep at least 5 copies of my book with me at all times as I'm constantly telling people about the book.) Hopefully when the book is finished being converted to an E-book I will get more activity in different areas as e-books can be purchased world wide.

From the beginning, I didn't expect to make money from the book until the second or third printing. Since I do other work along with writing I didn't expect writing to be the end all as far as money is concerned. I would like to make money from publishing, but I do realize it's just like everything else, there is a learning curve in writing, publishing, marketing, and selling as it relates to books.

Q: Do you ever plan to publish another book? Will it also be related to your photography?

A: Yes! Definitely! I'm working on a follow-up to "Always & Forever, Love" right now, and I'm planning on publishing a photography book of my Character Portraiture within the next three or four months. Thus far, all the books I'm planning to publish in the near future will include my photography. I've always wanted to put words with my photography, and this is the best way thus far to accomplish that.

Follower Love Giveaway - My Sweet Valentines!

2012-02-06T23:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day {in advance} to you all. So many good things have happening on my blog this year that I missed the exact time I passed the 1000 followers mark. But no worries, This month of love is a good time as any to show my appreciation for how you made my book, A Heart to Mend and A Love Rekindled, bestselling novels at various retail outlets. Thanks for all the support of commenting regularly too.

The Follower Love giveaway hop is hosted by I Am a Reader Not a Writer and several blogs are taking part, with lots of amazing gifts, Check the full list of participants. Entries close February 14, and I'll announce the winner here on the 15 and also send an email.

The winner will receive a $30 cash prize! The lucky follower should be able to collect their cash prize via Amazon Gift Card, Paypal, or Western Union transfer. Books of same value (including shipping) can also be shipped via Amazon or Book Depository. There are 6 entries in all, and it is mandatory you leave a comment on this post in answer to the question, Do you think Valentine's Day is sweet? Why?

To enter, fill out the Rafflecopter Form below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The Marriage Avowal Series - Talli Roland

2012-02-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

Talli Roland says of herself on her blog, "When I'm not slurping coffee or wine, I write humorous romantic fiction." Her best selling novels, The Hating Game, Watching Willow Watts, and Build a Man, are available on Amazon. She is also the author of the 24 HOURS travel guides under the name Marsha Moore. Enjoy her marriage avowals below.

How did you meet your husband?

Ayman and I met my first week in London, on the South Bank. I’d just arrived from Canada and was completely overwhelmed by everything involved with settling into a mega-city without knowing a soul! A transplant to London himself (from Egypt), Ayman quickly became my guide to the wonderful city of London, and I fell in love with both the metropolis and him. Eight years later, I’m still head over heels.

How long have you been married?

We’ve been married for almost three years now, although it feels like longer (and I mean that in a good way!). He is one of the few people I feel completely comfortable with and he knows me so well – which unfortunately means I can’t BS him about much.

How did your husband propose?

It was complete shocker, which I love. I had no idea it was coming! On the night of the fifth anniversary of us meeting, he recreated the whole evening. Then, as we were walking by the Thames in the falling darkness, he brought me to the spot where we’d first kissed, dropped to his knees, and popped the question. I was so stunned, I asked if he was serious.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?

Hm . . . I’m going to be completely untraditional here and say that marriage hasn’t added anything to our relationship – it already felt complete without the official ‘contract’ (I’m sorry, I know that sounds clinical!). However, I did love getting together with family and friends and showing the world just how much we want to be together. I guess being married has given our relationship validity in the eyes of society. I’d enjoy being with Ayman just as much even if we weren’t married.

What is the hardest part about being married?

The hardest part of being with someone is all those little things that may seem so innocuous in the beginning, but with time can become very annoying: leaving unwashed dishes in the sink (me!), not returning CDs to the proper cases (me!), and gathering a collection of unwashed coffee mugs on your desk (again, me!). Seriously, though, it’s learning to adjust your way of living and sharing space with another individual that I’ve found the hardest.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful marriage?

Living with another person is going to be hard, no matter how much you may have in common. I would say patience is definitely the key! Being from two completely different cultures (Canada and Egypt), we’ve also had to learn be very understanding of differences.

My Best Superbowl Commercials - Couple Love

2012-02-05T23:46:00.000-08:00

I confess, I do not follow American football, nor do I watch the superbowl, but since moving to the US, I've gone from complete ignorance, to at least knowing what it's all about. And the major thing I like about the whole media blitz that comes along with the finals is the ad segment. Some of the commercials can be so good. As usual, I've just watched most of them, the good and the bad, and below are my favorites. They are about love and relationships :)

Adriana Lima says in the Teleflora Super Bowl Ad - "Guys, Valentine's Day is not so complicated. Give, and you shall receive." What do you think? True or False?

In the Dannon Oikos Greek Yogurt Super Bowl 2012 Commercial - "The Tease", a woman headbutts her sneaky partner. I don't think I would do that, especially if he looked like John Stamos. (I feel in love with him as a preteen watching back episodes of Full House)

The 2012 Kia Optima ad "A Dream Car. For Real Life" made me go, Awwww... A man goes past all the objects of his dreams to rescue his damsel in distress. Cute!

Other ads worth mentioning include the Audi vampire party, Dog with Running shoes, Matthew Broderick Honda, Coca-cola polar bears, Seinfeld Acura, Clint Eastwood Halftime, The Doritos briber dog, The Chevrolet graduation, VW Keep fit dog, and Baby Bungee.

I didn't really like the naked woman focus of the Godaddy .co ad, is that like an adult url? And Jillian from the Biggest Loser was in it? Hmm...

What are you getting your love for Valentine?

2012-02-05T10:11:00.001-08:00

I am so stumped I may just stick with a simple card like the one above. Any ideas?

And what are YOU getting for your sweetheart?

Introducing the LagosMums website

2012-02-05T04:00:00.000-08:00

Lagos Mums is an online parenting community for mothers and parents. We are dedicated to helping the typical Lagos Mum find answers to a questions, meet other mums, share ideas, advice and experiences, get information on education and events in the city and equip each other with information on the ever evolving task of motherhood. We also use it as a forum to encourage women owned businesses.

We believe that this would not only be a platform where you can share your thoughts about being a Mum but a place where we can all help each other to be better people; a place where we can survive in the city of Lagos as mums a bit more easily.

However, being a Lagos Mum is not bound by location. Many Lagos Mums are in other parts of the world but at heart; their feet are grounded in Lagos. Whether you are in Nigeria, USA, Australia, China or the UK, the challenges or motherhood remain similar.

Welcome to Lagos Mums, the website and the movement. Join this trip. Bring a friend. Sign up. Post a comment in the Discussion Forum. It is a chain. One woman helping another. Help us spread the news. Write “I am a Lagos Mum” on your Facebook page, as your BB status, Follow us on Twitter.

Be a LagosMum!

Facebook link: http://www.facebook.com/LagosMums

Do you love Fashion, Live in Nigeria, Want to have a Reality Show?

2012-02-04T17:12:00.000-08:00

I think these days, a lot of people tick all those boxes. I saw this on Seriously Doughnut's blog and just loved the graphics of the campaign. I think they must have had a great creative director, the idea is on point, as is the photoshoot, video and everything. And then of course, there is the giveaway, who doesn't like a free lunch. Well, all the best to those fashionistas in Nigeria!

SPICETV Presents ‘The Valentine Gift of Love’ Give Away!

As it’s February, the month of love and romance Spice TV has decided to ‘treat’ our lovely readers dearly by giving out fantastic gifts courtesy of six A-list Nigerian designers…Oh did we mention they’re fabulous gifts you will love?

Great!

It’s simple and precise. Follow the simple steps below and you’ll probably be wining a real gift from amazing Nigerian designers this February.

First step: Follow Spice TV on Twitter @SpiceTVOnline

Second Step: Join the Spice TV Facebook group here – https://www.facebook.com/groups/206849459354027/

Third Step: Two different questions will be posted daily within the next seven (7) days on Spice TV Twitter handle - @SpiceTVOnline , answer the questions correctly and you stand a chance of winning lovely items from fabulous designers like; Pearl 1130, Ejiro Amos Tafiri, Marayah. O, Viv La Resistance, Alali Boutique, Beatrice Black Atari.

Contestants should however note the following;

Images of the two pieces to be won daily will be tweeted alongside info about the designers, so you get a chance to get familiar with the designers.

It gets even more interesting …

All 14 winners get invited for a fashion shoot with top of the range photographers like - Hakeem Salaam, Yinka Obebe, Kelechi Amadi-Obi, Obi Somto, Yetunde Ayeni Babaeko, Mousa Mousa and Toni Tones ; makeup artists, stylists and as well get to meet the designers. All the razzmatazz, makeup, styling, photo shoot, Champagne gets you on TV as all 14 episodes of the making of the shoot will be created for TV and the Web giving you your own mini reality TV show!

The contest is from the 7th of February and goes on daily till the 14th of February 2012. To enter, you have to follow @SpiceTVOnline on Twitter and answer their fashionista questions. Good luck everyone.

Where is our Safe Haven? Guest post by Chinwe Obi

2012-02-04T03:00:00.000-08:00

I wept as I listened to Chaz B’s Sharing Life Issues on Inspiration FM and the topic of discussion was “Incest”. I still shudder with goose bumps on my arms as I write this article. This is the kind of things that we read in the papers as they only happen in the western world “or maybe it used to happen here and people don’t speak much about it”. We are definitely not used to hearing of cousins, uncles, e.t.c sexually abusing the younger wards that they are responsible for protecting.

I remember growing up as a child in my family home; I felt so much peace, comfort and love from my parents, this is exactly how every child should feel, your home should be a safe haven for you, but the topic of discussion on the Chaz B show has shattered that belief for me.

Now we have fathers abusing their own daughters to the extent of sending them to an early grave. As I listened to this confessions on the radio, I kept staring at my little nieces and I wept uncontrollably as to who would want to hurt such angelic, beautiful and innocent creatures. How could a father's mind be so twisted that he would go as far as destroying the very thing he is supposed to be protecting?

I tremble just thinking about this because I can’t even imagine the excruciating pains these very tender children must constantly live with. I know I had a very sheltered upbringing; I grew up seeing my father as a pillar of strength and protection that each time he had to go on a business trip, I hardly slept at night because I used to be scared that something may happen at night in his absence, but when he came back I felt very safe and secure again. My home was my safe haven and it still happens till this day even though I am in my thirties.

So I think to myself, children of the 21st century should have a right to sheltered lives as well, their homes should be their safe haven and their fathers should be the protector, defender and the mini god that they see. But all these have changed due to the wickedness in the heart of men and the twisted mind that these men have, because now you don’t struggle to protect your children from abuse by uncles, cousins, house helps and the likes but you now protect them from their own fathers, how twisted can this be? If these little girls have been constantly abused by their own fathers, what is next for them, what kind of life are they expected to live? Who do they turn to for love and protection, who will fight for them, who will soothe their souls, who will mend their broken hearts, what kind of women will they become in future if they survive this abuse???? All these and many more questions are going riot in my head as I write.

My biggest question is what will make a father commit such disdainful act with his own daughter, what pleasure does he intend to derive from the act? We discussed this in my office and most people think it is for the purpose of ritual for either wealth or political influence while others think it is simply because the man is sick in the head and should be confined in a mental clinic. Which ever school of thought we decide to go with, the truth still remains that something is terribly wrong somewhere.

If a child doesn’t feel safe and protected at home where does she turn to? If her father cannot protect her, who will? What becomes of the mothers/wives in this situation also what becomes of those that may in future be in this situation? Should they be overly protective of their daughters and cautious/suspicious of their husband’s relationship to their own daughters?

________

I know we're in the month of love and this is a very heavy and serious topic. But it is a reminder to reach out to those around us, not necessarily friends or lovers, and share some love.

Have a good weekend, all.

My Bouari Weight Loss Experience - Day 9: Doing it Right

2012-02-03T02:00:00.000-08:00

Sorry to those following these posts. I was supposed to update yesterday but was overtaken by some errands which spilled over into today. Anyway, I have some good and bad news to report. As you can see from the picture above, I've lost some more weight. So this makes a total of 8.6 pounds that I have lost so far. That is the good news. The bad news was, yesterday, I was at 146.4 and had been hovering between that and 147 for the previous two days. My weight loss had plateaued, and this was days ahead of what was usually the case. Why, you ask? I wasn't really following the meal plan in the program booklet.

I had an appointment with my health consultant yesterday, and as it happened, the founder of the Bouari program who drew up the nutrition plan, Dr. Carol Ann Chaney-Bouari, was there. The health consultant for the Tukwila branch of the program, Alan, was also there. It was a very interesting hour or so, as we really went into the plan in the booklet, with the sample menu and the acceptable food list.

You know, I had mentioned earlier that I did not want to change my routine too much so that I could get back to it after my 30-day program ended. But that was a bad decision, and was actually sabotaging the program. The Bouari protocol, if followed closely, with the suggested food choices, is supposed to raise the body metabolism. By eating my usual foods, especially bananas, carbohydrates and dairy products, I was drawing my body back to its usual slow way of processing the food I eat.

For instance, Carol explained that the banana is a high-glycemic fruit, which means that it supplies the body quickly with sugar, but is also easily converted to fat. One thing that she pointed out to me in the suggested menu plan is the requirement to eat some protein with almost each meal. It could be an egg, a small portion of chicken breast or steak, some shrimp, and fish. Each meal is also supposed to have some of the acceptable fruits or vegetables.

Another way I had been cheating on the plan was in the amount of liquids I was taking. I needed half an ounce of water per body pound but was barely taking a third of that. It is required to help regulate my system and also flush out metabolized substances.

I came away from the discussion much more aware of the science of how the body works, and how I could help my body to perform better. I had complained that there seemed to be too much eating going on, with three main meals and two snacks. However, my health consultant, Joni, made an analogy of the body to how the car works.

Food is fuel to the body, and like a car, the body needs fuel. However, we decide the kind of fuel we give to the body. The Bouari protocol, with the meal plan, teaches one how to give the body premium fuel. Simply reducing portions of the wrong foods, or starving oneself, is analogous to running on adulterated fuel or worse, on empty. (By the way, Joni may be coming over later, so you may leave your questions or comments for her.)

I loved that analogy, and now I'm very excited and looking forward to a healthier weight loss experience.

Black History Month Around Town - Letter to an Old Master

2012-02-02T17:14:00.000-08:00

Today's post was suggested by a dear follower on my Facebook page and here on the blog too. On my first black history post, Sally called my attention to this letter of note that has been going round the internet and wondered if I could feature it. I checked it out and read the entire letter on Letters of Note. This blog hop post is supposed to be about black history month events in your city, state, or on the web. I think this fits perfectly. My thoughts and feelings are inserted between the paragraphs, please share yours.

I served you faithfully for thirty-two years, and Mandy twenty years. At twenty-five dollars a month for me, and two dollars a week for Mandy, our earnings would amount to eleven thousand six hundred and eighty dollars. Add to this the interest for the time our wages have been kept back, and deduct what you paid for our clothing, and three doctor's visits to me, and pulling a tooth for Mandy, and the balance will show what we are in justice entitled to. Please send the money by Adams's Express, in care of V. Winters, Esq., Dayton, Ohio.

When I read this part I was like, good on you!

You know, it's so easy to discount the free labor a lot of the slaves supplied to their owners in the guise of "letting bygones be bygones". I agree, but still!

If you fail to pay us for faithful labors in the past, we can have little faith in your promises in the future. We trust the good Maker has opened your eyes to the wrongs which you and your fathers have done to me and my fathers, in making us toil for you for generations without recompense. Here I draw my wages every Saturday night; but in Tennessee there was never any pay-day for the negroes any more than for the horses and cows. Surely there will be a day of reckoning for those who defraud the laborer of his hire.

Wow, but this man is a smooth operator. Can you see how he is softly but surely calling out the old master?

In answering this letter, please state if there would be any safety for my Milly and Jane, who are now grown up, and both good-looking girls. You know how it was with poor Matilda and Catherine. I would rather stay here and starve—and die, if it come to that—than have my girls brought to shame by the violence and wickedness of their young masters. You will also please state if there has been any schools opened for the colored children in your neighborhood. The great desire of my life now is to give my children an education, and have them form virtuous habits.

I found this part heart breaking. The slave's life wasn't an easy one. I know that. I have seen the movies, read the books. But reading it in the words and from the eyes of a real person, hmmm...

You can read the whole letter HERE.

The Marriage Avowal Series - Obiora “Obiwon” Agu

2012-02-01T22:11:00.000-08:00

I was wondering if I should start with an introduction post for the series, but I decided to cut right to it with my first guest. The marriage vow series will comprise of guest posts by married people around blogsville and beyond. They will tell us how they met and answer a few questions on their marriage. This time around, I didn't want to ask them to write an essay so the posts were done interview style.

First up is Obiora Agu, more widely known as Obiwon, a singer and musician in Nigeria. His latest single is titled Good to me and it is a gospel song. I have to confess here that I absolutely love his track Obimuo (My Heart), a song dedicated to one's sweetheart. I guess from what he reveals below, that song may have been written with his spanking new bride of three months in mind. Enjoy his marriage avowals below;

How did you meet your wife?

“In July 2007 while I was still working in the banking industry, I attended a client’s wedding but I got there so late and most of the guests had left the reception. I basically wanted to ask someone where the groom was, say hi to him and then leace. I saw my future wife from a distance and decided I wouldn’t ask anyone else but her!

She took me to the groom and coincidentally, the bride was her sister. After exchanging pleasantries with the groom, I was still curious and asked him to call Nkechi so I could thank her. The groom sensing something else quickly walked away when she came. We exchanged pleasantries and I asked to cram her phone number so no one would see us exchanging digits. After that, we exchanged texts constantly for the next few days. 3 days later, we met up as I had some business around her area of residence. That day, I told her I wanted to marry her and start to know her better as a result. She was surprised and eventually I had to wait for four years."

So how long have you been married?
3 months.

How did you propose?
Told her first about 3 days after we met and kept talking about it throughout our 4-year courtship; proposed formally on my knees with a ring in April of last year.

What is your favorite part about being married to your wife?
I think I'm more organized, planned, focused, prudent and encouraged. She's my best friend so there's a lot of laughter and fun.

What is the hardest part about being married?
Adjusting to not really having 'personal space' at my own convenience. I lived alone without any housemate for years but we're both learning and adjusting.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful marriage?
Unconditional sacrifice in all aspects, understanding and being there for your partner in all conditions. I believe that's what love is about.

__________

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Changing the Title of my Blog

2012-02-01T10:54:00.000-08:00

Hi guys, and welcome to February! I promise, I have a new series of love themed posts coming soon. You can also check out the ALR review and my interview with the Africa Book Club. Fellow blogger, Omonaikee was also kind enough to feature me. You can find out which of my books made me cry. :)

Yeah, about my blog. Around when I joined the BlogHer publishing network and began to display ads, I was done with my old look and I wanted to switch things up. Yet I was delayed by procrastination and a small fear of change. Blogger made it easy this year by introducing the reply comments which I had been wanting forever, and so I moved over to blogger templates. I've been tweaking the new look ever since. I know some of you have said you like the blue or pink, but I'm still not fully satisfied.

I did realize something as I was re-arranging the content of my blog. The Myne Whitman Writes title no longer did justice to what this blog is all about. I started blogging by sharing my romantic poems and excerpts from by romance novels but in the last year, I've been blogging more and more about real life topics, relationships, and what's happening in the society. You see, my first couple of years blogging were a labor of love for my books. Now, I think the blog has become a brand on its own, and deserves a new title.

After many iterations with Atala, I settled for Romance. Meets. Life. What do you guys think?

I wanted something about crossroads and intersections - the meeting point that this blog has become. I toyed with the following, At the junction of fiction and reality, Where real life jams romantic fiction, At the crossroads of romance and life, and so on and so forth. This one basically came at the last minute, and I'm still not sure it is the final title. However, I am looking for a Graphic Designer to make a logo for me (If you're out there, give me a shout. I'm cheap but we can work out something), and that will be that once it's done. In the meantime, fancy smancy font will do.

Finally, I have to say blogger templates are light, and I was happy to hear from those who used to have problems loading my site that it was now much easier for them. But it can be bland for the beginner I was and it took me a while to figure things out. In doing that, I lost my blogroll. And when I went over to the help forums, turns out there is a known issue. I'm sorry guys, it means it's more difficult to visit your blogs. While the blogger techies work on that, I want to use link lists. If I used to follow your blog or you follow mine, please use the contact me page to send your URL address.

Blogfest - Critique my Blog

2012-02-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

This is part of the blogfest - Critique my Blog by Teralyn Rose Pilgrim and I'll really love some feedback. You can reply in the comments or send an email.

a. Appearance: Does it appeal to you? Is it too busy, or too plain?
b. Layout: Is it difficult to navigate? Is it cluttered, or sparse?
c. Frequency: Does the blogger post too often? Not often enough?
d. Content: Are the posts interesting? Unique? Are they focused, or all over the place?
e. Quality: Are the individual posts too long, too short, too sloppy, or too generic?

Thank you.

Black History Month Bloggers Giveaway Hop - Win A Love Rekindled

2012-02-01T00:30:00.000-08:00

The first time I heard about Black History Month, I was wondering what it was all about, I had just arrived in the UK from Nigeria in 2006 then. Now, having lived in the diaspora now for over five years, I see why it is very important. Wikipedia describes Black History Month as "an observance of the history of the African diaspora in a number of countries outside of Africa."

This February, I'm joining some other bloggers to observe it, and hope to learn more about Black History in America. Hopefully, I can also present some black history from Africa.

Reflections of a Bookaholic and Mocha Girls Read are hosting these hops as a way to give black authors, books and those who support them a month in the spotlight. This Giveaway is open Feb. 1 - 7, 2012. Winner will be announced on the 29th of February.

To enter, all you have to do is leave a comment with your email. There will be 2 winners to be selected randomly.

1st Winner (US) gets a paperback copy of A Love Rekindled.
2nd Winner (Anywhere) will receive a PDF eBook of either of my two novels.

You can read the books' synopsis on my Free Reads Page.

Also, to thank you for coming, my novellas - Scores to Settle and Love Happens are available in the Amazon Prime lending library. Do check it out if you're a member. I hope you enjoy. :)

How to Sell your writing Online as an eBook and in Print

2012-01-31T12:39:00.000-08:00

Please, the time has come when I need your help SERIOUSLY. I just want to find out some things and knowing your wealth of experience, I am sure you can help me. As you know, the book I am working on is almost ready and I intend to sell some e-copies before going to print. It is about selling my books online.

This was an email I received recently and I have reproduced the questions and my suggestions below.

1. How can I upload my ebook on Amazon to sell and what do I require to be elligible for this?

You simply go to kdp.amazon.com and register. If you already shop from Amazon you can use the same sign in. It is free but I think you need a credit card or bank account so they can pay you when you make sales. You can find more information on their help site https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing/help

2. Do I need to do anything extra for people to be able to buy my book on kindle? or does uploading it on Amazon qualify the book to be bought on kindle?

Uploading it at the link above will make it automatically available on Amazon and people who have the Kindle will be able to download it wherever they are.

3. Apart from Amazon, what other sites can I sell the e-copies of my books?

Apart from Amazon, Smashwords.com will distribute your eBook to several retailers including Apple, Diesel, Kobo, Sony, and on their own website. I greatly recommend Smashwords since their sign-up requirements are less tasking for international authors, and you can get paid through Paypal. They will also distribute to Amazon and Barnes and Noble, but I suggest doing these sites yourself since the option is there, and you get more up to date reports on uploading you book and after that, on sales. To self publish on B&N, go to pubit.barnesandnoble.com. Register with the relevant details and you can upload your book. You may require to provide some tax details and/or a credit card.

4. I heard from a fellow writer that there are sites where when people order for my books, the site will print it into hard copy (Paper back or hard cover) and deliver to those people. Do you have an idea what these sites are?

Yes indeed, there are several sites where you can get print on demand services. The foremost providers, and they're virtually free are Createspace.com and Lulu.com. For Createspace, you upload all the necessary files and once the final look is approved by you, your book becomes available on Amazon.com. The book will also be given expanded distribution for a nominal fee.

Lulu first makes the book available on their site, and later on other online retailers including Amazon. My tip is that you use only one of them. I forgot to mention earlier that you can also publish your eBook on Lulu.com for free and it would be sold on their site.

For assisted and paid for Print on Demand, the biggest player is Author Solutions - they are the ones behind AuthorHouse, xLibris, iUniverse, Trafford, Westbow, Balboa and Abbott, among others. I used them for my first book but found them a bit costly for someone just starting out. However, their services are topnotch and I may go back to them with time.

Let me know in the comments if the above throws up any further questions and I'll try my best to give a fitting answer.

MWP - Mama Efon's Last One by Gboyega Otolorin

2012-01-31T04:00:00.000-08:00

This is the second in the series of short stories that were submitted for the recently concluded Naija Stories Christmas Nostalgia Contest. The Contest Judge, Ikhide Ikheloa, rated this entry by Gboyega Otolorin 3rd out of ten shortlisted stories, and it was one I found quite evocative. What do you think?

This is how I remember it. This is the image of my grandmother that sticks; that Christmas of 2005, the Christmas before she died.

She is sitting at the dining table, in her customary chair. She has a bowl of Bournvita in front of her. Yes. A bowl. Apparently, this is how she likes to drink her Bournvita. Lots and lots of it in a large blue plastic bowl, a souvenir from somebody’s wedding. So-and-so weds so-and-so courtesy so-and-so’s family. I am surprised at the Bournvita because this is the first time I have seen Mama drink it. Cocoa beverages weren’t her thing. My grandfather? Yes. Definitely. But not her.

My grandma, Mama Efon, is at the dining table with a bowl of Bournvita. She also has a big packet of cream crackers and she is eating the crackers with the Bournvita. There is a method to her eating. She takes a cracker, stabs the milky surface of the Bournvita with it about two or three times, swirls the beverage around with it till the cracker is soaked, and then she takes it out and eats it.

I am watching her intently. She doesn’t know but I am. There is such a beautiful domestic simplicity to what she is doing. She is eating her little meal quietly, but with fierceness. Cracker in hand, stabbing, stabbing, swirling, swirling, and the Bournvita-drenched cracker is devoured.

I am surprised. I have never seen her eat this sort of thing before. Bournvita and cream crackers? My grandma? No. Mama that doesn’t even eat rice, I’m thinking. She thinks rice is bird-food. Mama is a cold eba with hot okro woman. She’s an iyan with efo elegusi and eran igbe woman. She’s an amala with ewedu and goat-meat woman. Or at the very least an ewa woman. Spicy ewa-riro with boiled corn in it. Sweet and crunchy. Heavy food. Hard-working food. Not rice. Not biscuits and tea. No. Not Mama Efon.

I am delighted by the novelty of my grandmother consuming crackers and Bournvita. I am delighted because I just ate jollof rice and dodo and two very large pieces of chicken and my tummy is tight and taut like the surface of a drum. I am delighted because my mother and her sisters and my cousins are all around, walking about, running around, talking, laughing and noisily being a family. I am delighted.

And all the while Mama Efon is dying. All the while her lungs are filling up with mucus and her blood pressure is shooting up and I am so blissfully unaware. No idea.

Mama Efon. My mother’s mother. Growing up in the 90s, Christmases were always Efon. For me and all the cousins on my mother’s side, Christmas was always in Efon-Alaaye, Ekiti State, at the home of our maternal grandparents. Every December, we were there. Foregone conclusion.

It is a pristine place. Efon-Alaaye, small picturesque town, surrounded by beautiful, rolling green hills. One vegetation-covered hill runs after another all over Efon. Because of these hills and the trees all over them, the town seems to be constantly cloaked in light white mist. The effect is especially pronounced in the mornings. To see Efon on a cold morning, to breathe the clean, clean air and look down at all the old houses from the top of a hill is to be very close to heaven.

This is where we spent our Christmases.

However, if Efon provided the serene physical body for our Christmas holidays, Mama Efon, our grandmother provided its joyful soul. It was her cooking that characterized Christmas. Christmas was all about Mama.

She was an early riser. When we were younger, she’d wake us up every morning, at about 7am. In the dreadfully cold harmattan, she would line us up, naked, in the backyard. She would bathe each person, very thoroughly, not minding your conspicuous shivering. When she was done bathing you, she would take your toothbrush, grip your head with the force of a clamp and scrub your teeth with superhuman vigour. After a Mama Efon bath, your skin was clean but raw, and your teeth were gleaming but aching. And during the day, all the meals were spectacular. Mama could go to the market five times a day, just to make sure the food came out right.

But Mama Efon of that 2005 Christmas was a tired old grandma. We had all grown up and a lot was happening. There were many issues. Mama’s worry piled up. She was only 72, but her body could not take the pressure. She began to get sick.

Death was there, that 2005 Christmas Day, as I watched her eat the crackers and Bournvita. It was there, waiting for 2006.

On March 22, 2006, during the census, my grandma died. She’d had a stroke a few weeks before and she was getting better, but she died. I saw her body in the mortuary in Efon a few days after and I couldn’t, didn’t, refused to believe that it was her. She had always been timeless in my mind. Unkillable. Unable to die.

My mother had not shed a tear when she was given the news. And as she told family, friends, acquaintances, she’d been quite composed. But at the mortuary that day, her tears were copious, and her wailing was loud and desperate. I had never seen my mother cry like that.

I looked at Mama Efon’s body and it felt wrong, to see her, naked on a slab. I remembered all the baths, all the teeth brushings, all the hugs and compliments and ‘o kare omo mi’s, all the meals she’d cooked. I remembered the crackers and Bournvita, how pleasantly surprised I’d been to watch her eat ‘bird-food’.

This is the image I held on to. I never looked at the body again. Not even at the lying-in-state. No.

I remember Mama at the dining table, devouring cream crackers and Bournvita, on Christmas Day 2005.

You can read the discussion on Mama Efon's Last One on Naija Stories.

For a lot of us, the last memory we have of our loved ones is of a Christmas spent together. Mine was in 2010 when I spent some time with my family in Nigeria. Christmas back in naija is so strongly linked to travels to visit parents, grandparents and the extended family. It is probably the only time we see them for the whole year, or more.

What has been your own experience?

Love or Marriage - What are you Settling for?

2012-01-30T00:30:00.000-08:00

A blog I usually frequent published a story recently which seems to have gone viral. In recounting a fictional tale of heartbreak and new beginnings titled If you call it ‘settling’, then yes, I have settled, a lady explains how even though her new boyfriend, now fiance does not 'get' her or give her butterflies, she was happy to be marrying him. Please read the excerpt below and let's discuss.

I’ll be getting married to Tayo. Tayo is born again. He doesn’t have the ready sweet words to speak. He doesn’t dress so nicely. He doesn’t get me or keep me excited. But in him, I’ve found peace and joy. Tayo would leave whatever he is doing if I need his help. He would ALWAYS drive down to the airport to pick me up when I come visiting him in Abuja. It would have been more convenient for him to have me take a cab. The day he offered to do that, I was surprised. Bode would NEVER do that. At his kindest, he’ll ask his driver to come get me. He’ll probably simply ask me to get a cab and he’ll pay. Tayo would never sleep until he has spoken with me, prayed with me and wished me a good night. With Bode, I’d be the one calling and calling.

Tayo has showed me that it is possible to have a good guy, a guy who cherishes and respects you and most importantly, loves God and puts Him first. His level of consideration towards me still baffles me. I never knew such was possible and this is why I shied away from a relationship with him initially. It all seemed too good to be true. But it has been 11 months of courtship and he has remained the same steadfast, loving, caring man I first met.

As I walk down the aisle, I am sure my belly will not have butterflies in them but I’d walk down confident of the fact that I am placing my life in the hands of a good man. A man who takes instructions from God and passes them on to the home with love. A man who values family and togetherness and would put me before anything and anyone else. A man with whom I am sure I play second fiddle to no one but God. A man who would be a good role model to our children. A man who would stand by me no matter what happens in the home.

My mom has assured me that the sweeping love will come once the sex begins. Apparently, once you start sleeping with a man, the love grows. I look forward to it. But right now, I’m in a happy, content place.

I replied in the comments and said "settling into love is not a bad thing, but I think the attraction and compatibility has to be there too. If she’s already listing things the guy sucks at, believe me, those things will multiply after marriage due to the proximity." I also stated on HoneyDame's Let's settle this issue, that my view is that there's settling and there's settling. No one is perfect obviously but it is better to enter marriage caring deeply for the other person rather than being happy they treat you well.

This situation in the story sounds to me like someone on the rebound. She is settling for marriage instead of love and that is playing dice with one's future. And it seems like there's some pressure from the mother to get married. But if your husband doesn't "get" you, who will? You'll likely be spending majority of your time with this person, and you'll be taking major decisions with this person. If you're both not on the same page, how will your relationship work?

Sure, butterflies are not everything but physical attraction is very important. Indeed love grows as a couple has sex and more sex, but there needs to be a bedrock for you to want to do it in the first place and enjoy it.What a lot of young people who practice abstinence (full disclosure - my advocacy for abstinence is conditional on age and circumstance) don't want to think about is that sex the first few times can be clumsy and uncomfortable. What then? Where is the love going to come from?

I don't know but a marriage certificate does not love make.

My Bouari Weight Loss Experience - Day 4

2012-01-29T00:22:00.000-08:00

If you haven't, please read my Day 1 post for starters.

What's my report? It's been good so far. I started the first two days, known as the fat load days, with slightly larger portions of what I would usually eat. For breakfast, I had a couple of slices of toast and omelette (2 egss). I had jam on the toast, with some grapes and oranges and a cup of hot chocolate. BTW, forgive my food photography skills, I will try to improve. So why did I have to eat so much, you ask?

It is part of the Bouari Protocol where binge eating the first two days works with the advantage spray to enable my body access abnormal fat deposits once I enter the low calorie days. The spray is the bedrock of the diet and has enzymes that make the body use fats stored for the rainy day in day to day metabolism. This combines with the intake after the first two days to ensure the dieter is getting enough energy all the time. So for lunch, I had potatoes boiled in their skin with stir-fried mushroom topped by alfredo spinach sauce. The chicken was the extra.

After a similar meal plan the next day, I felt charged to go into my diet. Surprisingly, the two days binge did not increase my weight, instead I was down to 150lbs by Day 3. It's been two days of my low calorie routine and I'm still feeling fine. My breakfast is usually some fruit and a cup of 2% low fat milk. The meal plan allows me three main meals and three snacks, however, I was used to my regular two main meals and two snacks and thought I would be able to stick to it.

What I discovered on Day 3 was that I was hungry by the time lunch rolled around. So I had my main meal around 4.30pm and then had a snack of crackers and juice by dinner time. That meant I could not have dinner together with Atala as is our way and I missed that. It was only later at night as I was filling in my planner that I realized I had forgotten to take the Energy and Appetite support.

So there are three supplements that come with the diet, the Advantage spray, Vitamin B12 drops and what I think are regular diet pills to support energy and suppress appetite. I took them on Day 4 and I was able to follow my usual meal pattern, breakfast - snack - dinner - snack. There has been no headaches, dizziness or any other adverse effects I can see. My weight at the end of the day was 148 pounds. I have to say I'm happy with that. I've never really done a "diet" diet so I have nothing to compare it with, but I do feel lighter and have also lost one inch around my waist, yippee :)

Well, the diet continues. I will update you again on Wednesday.

90% of what Nigerians learn in School is Useless

2012-01-28T00:19:00.000-08:00

This article was written by Atala some years ago when he was still a blogger, but he revived it in response to the indictment of Lazy Intellectual African Scum. If you don't know what I'm talking about, click on the link to read the tongue lashing given to us over-degreed Africans by a fictional Bwana Walter as transcribed by Zambian author, Field Ruwe. Well, after I received my share of the reproach, I sent a link to Atala at work and from emails, we continued the discussion when he came back.

Because his article is on the longish side, I won't go into our discussion except to say that while Ruwe made some valid points, as is the case with such tirades, the strength of the argument was lost in over generalization. Read Atala below and let's discuss in the comments. Are African intellectuals lazy, or are they indifferent and satiated by personal comfort? Do you consider yourself an intellectual, do you see yourself in Ruwe's article? What of Atala's, of how much use has been your schooling to your life goals so far?

On examining the ‘knowledge’ I gained while at school in Nigeria, I am forced to realise an unpleasant truth: 90% of my formal education is useless to me in my present day life. For instance, how many times has the knowledge that zinc reacts with sulphuric acid to produce hydrogen enabled me comfort a friend in distress? Of what use is the knowledge that the Benguela current flows off the coast of Namibia if it cannot clinch me a business deal? And that’s just the stuff I can remember - like some others I learned while I was still in secondary school.

There was this history lesson where our teacher was talking to us about the ancient empire of Ghana. Now history isn't really my cup of tea, but for some strange reason I vividly recall this particular lesson being about a man called Abdullah ibn-Yasin who founded a group called the Almoravids which later went on to invade Ghana in 1076. I don’t know why, but this particular fact has stuck in my head ever since. Perhaps at the time, my subconscious felt that this was a highly significant piece of information that would prove useful in my later life, and so it had decided to keep it safe in my memory.

However, looking back on this incident, I have to wonder what the whole point was. Not once - no, not even for a tangential reason - have I ever found it necessary to employ this knowledge of ibn-Yasin and his Almoravid movement. The sad thing is, I’m sure most people realize this point themselves - educators and students alike. But everyone persists in the same old follies in the name of - you guessed it - tradition. I’m sure they have all sorts of excuses to justify this relentless pursuit of tradition like “Well, having all this knowledge makes you a well rounded person” or “You never know whether it will be useful in the future”.

My response to the first claim is you can make someone well rounded without subjecting them to hour after hour of of formal education. I personally think that presenting information via formal education makes people view that information as ‘boring’ and ‘uninteresting’ and creates a lifelong antipathy towards such information. I have personal experience of this - I hated economics in secondary school because I couldn’t relate it to the real world, but my interest was only sparked off when I started coming across economic terms in news bulletins and I had the opportunity to talk to a very down-to-earth but knowledgeable person about what these terms meant.

To the second claim, I simply say that it is better to concentrate on determining what information is likely to be useful to students and giving them that information instead of adopting a scattergun approach and hoping that of the thousands of facts being blasted out into the educational arena, perhaps one or two “will be useful in the future”.

One very interesting aside to all this is that we could certainly learn a thing or two by looking back on our own cultural histories in evaluating how appropriate the kind of education we receive today is. I’m never one to rush to the forefront when it comes to championing pride in our local cultures since I believe in sampling the produce of all the world’s cultures, but I believe our forefathers had it right when educating their children for the life they were going to lead in society. If your father was going to be a farmer, then the chances were that you were going to be one too, and you would accompany him to the farm to gain ‘hands on’ experience. He didn’t sit you in front of a blackboard and draw a picture of a millet plant and write notes saying that kunu could be made from millet corn - you actually saw, heard, smelt, felt, tasted it happen. And I believe that the knowledge gained from this education was wholly useful to the recipients.

So if there’s something wrong with the mode of formal education today, what should it be replaced with? What would I suggest? Well, I’m sure most of you have heard the saying “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day - teach him to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime”. I feel that the crucial failing of the educational system is that there is much giving of fishes - the students learn about all sorts of wonderful things in geography, history, chemistry and literature - but they do not learn how to learn. I’m at a loss as to how so little time can be spent on formally imparting such valuable knowledge, especially because all our lives we will have to continue gaining knowledge in order to help us reach our goals, and it is very much to our advantage that we sharpen our skills in doing so.

Another complaint I have mentioned already is that the knowledge that is gained in the classrooms has little relevance to the student’s life after education. Again, I find this unacceptable, especially as there’s no shortage of more useful and relevant knowledge that the student could be gaining instead.

So with these two points in mind, I will have our curriculum developed along the lines of the subjects below:

Mathematics. Apart from the fact that the science of numbers pervades our entire life, Mathematics is simply the essence of truth and objectivity. You can present arguments to show that Nkrumah was a good or bad leader or that Okonkwo in ‘Things Fall Apart’ was a hero or villain. You even have theories of physics and chemistry changing over time. But Mathematics is faithful and constant to her followers. One Plus One will always equal Two, no matter whether which lawyer or politician is arguing to the contrary.

Aside from that, there is a certain beauty in the various sub-disciplines of Mathematics. It is obvious to all who care to see - all you have to do is to consider the subtle mysteries of Algebra, the intricacies of Trigonometry, or the sheer beauty of Geometry. In fact, whenever I hear someone say they don’t “get mathematics”, I shake my head in sorrow and wonder how someone can be content to live a such life in the shadows.

Research methods. Research is something that we do practically every day of our lives to find out new information. So it makes sense to give specialist training to hone this skill so that it can be even more profitable to us. In this subject, there will be training on the identifying sources of information - people, Nature, printed matter, the web, e-mail, Usenet - and effectively obtaining information from these sources. There will also be training on how to the student can design his own methods of extracting information, especially via experimentation on people and Nature.

While learning this subject, students will choose various topics (for example, the History of West Africa between 1600 and 1800) and use that as means to practice their research methods, by finding out as much as they can about the topic using what they have learnt in the subject.

Presentation. This is another skill which we use throughout the rest of our lives, and as such it is another skill that students deserve to have special training in. The training here will include training in oral, written and graphic presentation; understanding your audience, and designing your presentation so that you can effectively communicate your ideas to them. Again, various topics will be chosen for the students to practice this skill on.

Learning skills. When we have got whatever information that we may have got during research, the next stage is to make sense of it. Again, this is something we have to do all the time, but again, there’s no time spent on formal training in this method. The training here will consist of techniques in memorisation; focus and concentration; analysing complex data by formulating the right questions to organise the data into a collection of coherent concepts; building up a ‘mental’ picture of the concept in the student’s head; logical deduction so that the student can draw conclusions from the data. Again, a topic will be chosen for the student to practice on.

Elementary psychology. We spend most of our lives interacting with other people, yet we have little formal training on how to do this. This subject will train students on how to understand how other people behave and react in different scenarios, taking into account the effect of local culture. The subject will also train students on the skill of emotional control - how to moderate their emotional reaction to various situations, so that they can keep their heads while others are losing theirs.

Basic Law. One of the saddest things to observe is how people are taken advantage of because they don’t know their rights in law. This subject will focus on educating students the more static and important aspects of current law, and provide pointers for future changes. In addition, this subject will touch on informal law, such as the customs and practices of the community in which the student is lives. This will, of course, include answers to questions like “How much do policemen expect to receive as egunje at checkpoints?”

Ethics. Here, real world scenarios will be shown and role-played so that students can see the positive and negative effect of certain types of behaviour. This doesn't guarantee that they will change their behaviour to seek longer-term happiness - but at least, they will have a better idea of what to do if they want it.

Creative Thinking. I admit that this is a bit of a wildcard. It’s true that you can't 'create to order', but I do think there are ways of thinking that make you more likely to come up with more creative solutions. This course will explore these ways of thinking and give students the opportunity to express their creativity through different means (not just in the area of art, but also in the area of invention and innovation).

Entrepreneurship Studies. This will give the students an idea of what is involved in setting up and running a business - spotting a demand in the market, creating a viable solution to satisfy the demand, creating a business plan, marketing the solution, building up the brand, administering the company, etc.

In addition, students may study any six ordinary subjects of their choice.

So that’s what my curriculum would look like. Of course it’s not going to happen in my lifetime - ‘mad’ ideas like this are often too scary to adopt right away. But I’m not really bothered anyway - I’m not overly concerned about the formal education my children (when I have them) will be getting, since I plan to be the main educator of my children, instead of leaving it to a bunch of teachers who are nowhere near as motivated as me to ensure that they get a good education.

In the meantime, I continue my search for someone who I can have an intelligent discussion about those events in Ghana in 1076 - no point in wasting ‘good’ education now, is there?

______

PS - So anyone ever heard of the Almoravids?

PSS - If Atala has got you thinking, you may like this Guernica article by Chimamanda Adichie on branding, charity, and class in Nigeria’s schools.

PSSS - Please feel free to email, FB and Tweet, who knows who may read it? We definitely need a revolution, and not just in our politics. Education and Health are the biggest indicators of socio-economical development.

Thandie Newton in Half of a Yellow Sun - I see Oscars not Race

2012-01-27T01:11:00.000-08:00

Things are definitely looking up for Nigerian Literature in Film with the recent news about the adaptation of Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Adichie into a movie. It is heartening that the financing is majorly from Nigeria (private equity), though the British Film Institute is also providing some funding.

Film Bloggers are reporting that the movie will be a directorial debut for another Nigerian talent, Biyi Bandele, playwright, stage director and author of Burma Boys. (If you have not read Burma Boys, you should look for it, I also hope that would be made into a movie someday.) While these roles have not been confirmed, Thandie Newton is billed as Olanna, with Chiwetel Ejiofor and Dominic Cooper for the roles of Odimegwu and Richard respectively. I wonder who will act Ugwu, he was one of my favorites in the story, and of course Kainene, Olanna's twin.

Now, the producers of the movie are the same as those behind The Last King of Scotland (Forrest Whitaker won an Oscar for his role as Idi Amin of Uganda), and The Constant Gardener (Rachel Weisz won an Oscar for her role as an activist working in Kenya against Big Pharma). Actually, the main storyline of the Constant Gardener was based on true events in Kano - Pfizer was testing Trovan, an experimental meningitis drug, on children from poor homes without proper approvals from government.

Back to Half of a Yellow Sun, some commenters on the Shadow and Act Blog are not happy with the casting of Thandie Newton as Olanna. If you had asked me before now, I would have said that it should be an All-Nigerian cast. But that could've only been possible if it were Nollywood produced. Since it's not, I can understand the thought behind choosing the named actors. Thandie Newton is half-African, and more than that, she's a great actress and highly recognizable by both UK and the US movie goers. She has also been nominated for several awards, maybe this will be her first Oscar nod, and win?

Anyway, I'm too excited to worry about the politics of race at this stage. I wish them the best, and look forward to the movie. If you haven't read the book, now is the time to do so. I loved it, I laughed, I cried, I learnt a lot, and I highly recommend it.

From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. When the Igbo people of eastern Nigeria seceded in 1967 to form the independent nation of Biafra, a bloody, crippling three-year civil war followed. That period in African history is captured with haunting intimacy in this artful page-turner from Nigerian novelist Adichie (Purple Hibiscus). Adichie tells her profoundly gripping story primarily through the eyes and lives of Ugwu, a 13-year-old peasant houseboy who survives conscription into the raggedy Biafran army, and twin sisters Olanna and Kainene, who are from a wealthy and well-connected family. Tumultuous politics power the plot, and several sections are harrowing, particularly passages depicting the savage butchering of Olanna and Kainene's relatives. But this dramatic, intelligent epic has its lush and sultry side as well: rebellious Olanna is the mistress of Odenigbo, a university professor brimming with anticolonial zeal; business-minded Kainene takes as her lover fair-haired, blue-eyed Richard, a British expatriate come to Nigeria to write a book about Igbo-Ukwu art—and whose relationship with Kainene nearly ruptures when he spends one drunken night with Olanna. This is a transcendent novel of many descriptive triumphs, most notably its depiction of the impact of war's brutalities on peasants and intellectuals alike. It's a searing history lesson in fictional form, intensely evocative and immensely absorbing. (Sept. 15)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Lessons I learnt from my Mother - Bamidele Kehinde (Guest Author)

2012-01-26T22:52:00.000-08:00

I met Bamidele Kehinde on Facebook and decide to conduct this interview after I found out about her first book titled, Lessons I learnt from my Mother. I loved the idea of wanting to honor one's parents through a book and had Bamidele answer the following questions for me. Bamidele describes herself as a full blooded Nigerian, and from Ekiti state – one of the states in the south-western part of Nigeria. After primary and secondary education in Oyo state, she later moved on to the prestigious Obafemi Awolowo University in Osun state where she bagged a degree in History and International Relations and a Masters degree in Public Administration.

When did you start writing?
I started my writing career not very early enough but I must say at this point that my educational background in History really helped me when I later decided to start writing. My writing started as a favourite pastime when in 2008, I did not have a job after completing the voluntary service in the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC). I sent in articles to the Life magazine in the Sunday edition of the Guardian newspaper as frequently as I could. This was how my writing came into limelight. Presently, I work in Lagos as an Administrative Officer. I hope to still move onto (work in) the other sectors of the economy, travel out of Nigeria to other countries of choice and take my writing career to higher heights in life.

Why did you write this book?
This book came as an inspiration to me on a particular day when I was coming back home from work. I thought of how my mother had deposited so much in our family despite all odds. She died in March 2011 and it was a big shock on all of us. I then thought to myself that her life, the lessons that she taught us and her person must be put to writing. I then decided to go ahead to write about her because I wanted to honour her and at thesame time, I wanted the whole world to know about her. The book is an avenue for me to give people (especially mothers), the chance to emulate her good lifestyle.

Describe the special qualities of your mother.
Initially, before writing this book, I thought to myself that would this title catch attention at all as everyone can almost boast about his or her mother but on the other hand, I decided to go ahead with the book because of these reasons.
First, so many people poured in so much encomium before and during the burial ceremony. The people she worked with and even the church members of the church she attended could not but tell of how friendly she was to everyone. They also made mention of how she was mature in settling issues that could have torn people apart.
Another special quality she had was putting in her best in the upkeep of her family. This is not to say that my father was not the breadwinner but she knew very well how to turn the house into a home. This endeared her to many people as they wanted to learn from her.
She had this habit of giving so much so that she gave whether the person was richer than her or not. This is a special quality because not many people could do this and she also made sure that we learnt this too.
The other qualities are the lessons I mentioned in the book. And most of all, the fact that she helped my siblings and I to be the best we could be is one special quality of hers that I will never stop being proud of.
This is why people should go for this book especially, mothers.

What was your publishing journey like from thinking of the book idea to holding it in your hands?
The whole idea of the book as I said earlier came when I was going home from work on a particular day in 2011 (some months) after losing my mother in March 2011. More so, I wanted to put my writing skills to use as I have never authored a book before. So, first of all, I jotted down the lessons and then made an outline of what I wanted the chapters to look like.
As a result of this, I checked the internet for publishing companies both within Nigeria and outside. It was in the process that I came across iUniverse publishing company in the United States of America (USA). At first, I was sceptical about any company I came across online due to the various fraudulent activities that abound on internet but after making the necessary research/findings, I became convinced about going for one of the publishing packages in iUniverse. I decided to go for the self publishing package. This is an experience of a lifetime as I never expected that the company could give me so much autonomy on my manuscript.
All the staff that were assigned to me were very patient, cordial and efficient. They even helped me to make the payment of the publishing package easy even though I had to pay ‘through my nose’ as I put in all my savings. The publishing processes were not too tedious and I got the value for my money. Finally after about a month, my book was ready. The publishing was finished in September 2011 and I got my complimentary/sample copy on the 3rd of October, 2011.

Is the book divided into chapters, what are some of them?
Yes, the book is divided into chapters. ‘Lessons I learnt from my mother’ is a 72-page book divided into 9 chapters. Chapters 1 and 2 are a brief introduction and her biography respectively. Chapter 3 is the first lesson which is ‘Always put your family first’. Moving further into the book is the chapter 7 which is about ‘Sex Education – A lesson to be learnt early in life’. I think people should get this book in order to get the best of the book in the other chapters. Readers will surely get the value for their money.

What books have influenced your life the most?
I have come across many books in life. I can remember reading Mills & Boon as a teenager. I can also remember reading Silhouette, Shakespeare books, James Hadley Chase books e.t.c. But the books that have influenced me the most are the books written by Bishop T.D. Jakes(God’s Leading Lady), John C. Maxwell, Late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya, Heartsong Presents (various titles/authors), Jackie Mize (Supernatural Childbirth) and Joyce Meyer.

If you had to choose, which writer would you consider a mentor?
If I had to choose, I would go for John C. Maxwell as a mentor because his writings/books are very down to earth and everyone can relate to them very easily. He is not ashamed to mention his flaws and how he has tried to work them out. Also, I have noticed that he makes much effort in learning from other people too, he never sees himself as an island of knowledge. I hope to learn more from him for as long as he’s still in the business of writing.

What books are you reading now?
Presently, I am reading ATTITUDE 101. This is a book written by John C. Maxwell, the American expert on leadership. This is sequel to his books on the topics like Relationship, Leadership, and Success e.t.c and how they influence the way people make it through in life. I hope to read more of the books from Francine Rivers, Myles Munroe and other Christian novelists.

Are there any new authors that have grasped your interest?
In a bid to learn more about writing especially from Nigerian authors, I came across Abimbola Nelson (Diary of a desperate Naija woman) in the Laterna bookshop at Victoria Island in Lagos, Nigeria. The book caught my attention as I briefly went through its pages. Other authors include Myne Whitman and Lara Daniels. These two have grasped my interest because they are females who have carved a niche for themselves in the industry and their works are very good reads.

What did you find particularly challenging when writing this book?
What I found most challenging about this book was making the outline of the whole book. I knew quite alright that I wanted to write a book in memory of my mother but it wasn’t easy arranging the chapters of the book. Also, another thing I found challenging was paying for the publishing package. The conversion rate of the Nigerian naira as opposed to the dollars was another challenge for me because the naira that I had to convert for payment seemed almost of very little value. This did not make me happy about my country’s currency.

Who is your favourite author and what is it that really strikes you about their work?
I do not have any favourite author. I am more interested in many authors than having a favourite one because I believe that there are peculiar things that I can learn from each one of them. For instance, I would go for John C. Maxwell books on topics that relate to motivation and leadership. On books related to relationship and marriage, I would rather go for the books of Dr James Dobson. Wole Oguntokun is a columnist who writes for the Life magazine in the Sunday edition of the Guardian Newspaper – he is also one person I’ll love to meet. It is my belief that since there are many authors that their works strike my interest, then I can say that I do not have a favourite author.

What do you think of the Nigerian publishing industry?
The Nigerian publishing industry is an industry that has evolved over the years. By this I mean that so many things have taken place. Before, there weren’t many publishing companies but now, there are quite a number of indigenous companies. Also, awareness is being raised and seminars are being organised for budding authors by various publishing companies. This was not the case some 10 years ago. I think the industry is also producing more authors now unlike before when there were few authors who could only afford the exorbitant prices of the long established companies. The industry can only get better by the day.

What comments do you have about the reading culture in the country?
The reading culture has experienced a downward turn in Nigeria. It has gone so bad that there are but a few who really appreciate authors, their works and book reading generally. Many concerned bodies, civil societies and organisations have tried to raise the awareness of people towards reading but to no avail. For instance, it is very hard to come across a Nigerian reading newspapers or dailies in the bus/traffic on his way home from work unlike what we have in some foreign countries. Although it is not a strange sight to see men at newspaper stands discussing various topics of national interest, many of them hardly get to buy and take away the newspapers after perusing them at the news stand.
It is another sorry sight when one visits the libraries or book stores. You do not find buyers in the bookstores like you would find in the cloth boutiques or fashion stores. The presence of the internet has made matters worse in the sense that people would prefer to dub (copy and paste) the works of authors online rather than make their own purchases of such books. It is my hope that things will turn around for the better in this generation of ours. Wonders they say shall never end!

Do you have anything specific that you want to say to those who buy your book?
I am using this opportunity to tell those who will buy my book that they will get a run for their money. Infact, the monetary value is of little importance compared to the intangible value that they are sure to get by reading the book. I know that a larger percentage of people who will buy my book are closer to their mothers so, this gives them a room to see their mums and what they have done in a new light. By reading this book, those who have not been good mothers will see motherhood as a blessing and will be willing to do things right. Those who have been good mothers will have evidence in the book and be able to use it to convince others. Even young girls can learn a whole lot from the book.
In summary, this book is a treasure that everyone who values motherhood and its attendant blessings must have because loving our parents especially our mothers, is something that is done the world over. Lay hold on this book and you’ll never regret you did!

Do you have an online presence e.g. facebook, blog, twitter or a website?
On facebook, you can get to my page and get more information about me by typing in ‘Kehinde Bamidele’. Or preferably, you can email me at chatwithbammy@yahoo.com. You can also find me on the LinkedIn network as ‘Kehinde Bamidele’. I welcome text messages and calls on my cell phone – +2348068903585.

Where can we buy the book, both in stores and online?
The book ‘Lessons I Learnt from my Mother’ is available on Amazon.com, eBay, Google and on www.iuniverse.com. Very soon, the book will be available for sale in bookstores. Thank you!

Thank you Bamidele. :)

My Bouari Weight Loss Experience - Day 1

2012-01-25T11:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I went to the newly opened Bouari Clinic in my area to meet with a health consultant and my contact on the corporate side. You see, I had been accepted to blog about their weight loss programme in exchange for taking part in it. The program normally costs $599 per month, but in exchange for blogging about my experience with it, I will receive all the supplements and unlimited support for free. I have done some research myself and I don't think these supplements are harmful in any way. There are mixed reviews online but in this case, I want to find out myself. This is the official blurb;

Bouari Clinic offers a diet program that is based on endocrine system support through FDA registered supplements (vitamins, minerals and homeopathic preparations) that make your system very receptive to weight loss. The supplements also support energy and depress hunger. The dieter then eats a carefully prescribed program of low glycemic proteins, vegetables and fruits that are low in fat.

After speaking with the consultant yesterday, I am sure I took the right step. As some of you may know from my post on the Relationship 15 and Now that we're in 2012, I have been wanting to lose some weight. My current weight is 154 pounds, up from 135 just before my marriage. It was hovering around 150 most of last year but now all that rest and enjoyment over Christmas have added their bit. My problem is that though I exercise regularly and eat moderately, I don't seem to lose weight. All that seems to achieve is that I only add weight sloooowly, #notwhatIwant.

My goal is to lose that 15-20 pounds in this 30-days programme and then I can use the tips I learn to keep them off. I'm very impressed at the support that is being offered through Bouari, the clinic incidentally is just 10mins away from my house, and I believe it will make a lot of difference for me. For many people, losing weight is about looking good, for me I think I look OK at my weight. However, my BMI is not so good, and I also have a family history of type 2 diabetes, which means I have to be extra careful.

I understand that a lot of hard work will be required from me, but Atala is very encouraging. I'm excited and looking forward to positive changes in my weight and health. Come with me on this journey, as I'll be sharing my progress with you twice a week. If you have any questions, please ask in the comments. If you're losing weight too and want to share tips, please email myne@mynewhitman.com.

My Beauty Secret Revealed - Fotoshop by Adobé

2012-01-25T01:30:00.000-08:00

This is the perfect option for people like me who don't want to watch all those make-up tutorials on youtube. And much more, not stick to that exercise and diet plan, LOL...Perfect!

Seriously though, look at these recent pictures of Beyonce, do they even look like she's the one? Hmmmff!

What Causes Couples to Grow Apart?

2012-01-24T00:38:00.000-08:00

Last week when I first heard the initial reports of the impending separation of Heidi Klum and Seal, I was so surprised that I had to tweet about it. It wasn't as if they had been married that long, six years plus, but they had always been open about their relationship, renewing their vows regularly, doing stuff together, and popping out children every other year. So it seemed they had been a fixture for a longer time. Their official statement read in part;

"We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart."

And this got me thinking. What does growing apart mean? We usually hear the term "grown apart" among people who married young, in their late teens and early twenties, when they're still learning who they really are. In my experience, most people build their permanent personalities in their late twenties and early thirties and if you get married earlier than this, you have a harder road ahead in the early years. But in the context of two older people like Heidu Klum 39 and Seal 48, what really happened?

Love is supposed to be forever as is marriage but if we take the statement by Heidi and Seal at face value, love simply wasn't enough. Talk about deja vu, do you remember my post about personalities in relationships? I discussed the whole growing apart issue with Atala and we agreed on some reasons that may contribute;

1. Changed priorities - this may be in terms of goals and needs. So one thinks working 9 - 5 is enough for their job satisfaction, but find out along the way they need the creativity of their own business. This will definitely put a strain on the relationship in terms of time spent together, getting the other party on board if their own goal is tied to the 9 - 5, etc
2. Not knowing each other well before marriage - Say, a man falls in love with a bubbly soul of the party, and after marriage, she turns out to be a homebody who wears hairnet and sweatpants all hours that God made. The dashing bobo becomes a couch potato, satisfied by the news and sports channels. You get the idea. Sometimes this is as a result of a short courtship, pretense by the people involved, or simply the effects of marriage and possibly parenthood.
3. A marriage of convenience - Both people got married for whatever reason that did not include mutual love and respect. Could be that family pressure, societal expectation or the almighty biological clock made them do it. And then, they get the title, gain the responsibility, have the 2.5 children and the shine of the wedding ring wears off.
4. Physical attractiveness changes - this is clear enough. If the woman for example prefers a man with a six-pack, a potbelly that doesn't go away could be the basis for growing apart.
5. One of them does something the other cannot live with - This is where the big guns fall in - Domestic violence, infidelity, abuse of the children, crime, etc. and some smaller ones like loss of income, identity crisis, failing health, and so on.

Okeoghene asked, Is Divorce trending? And I had to answer that maybe it is. If you ask me though, almost all of the marital issues listed above can be healed through discussion, spending time together/apart and possibly therapy. Still, I accept that if a marriage is not working for the couple, and they have tried all other options to revive the love to no avail, it is better they amicably sort themselves out.

To forestall getting to that stage, I have this theory of "The Love Bank" where a couple both keep depositing affection, understanding, time, attention, compromise, respect, good communication, support, and cheerleading. The bank will serve as a buffer and comforter when misunderstandings, differences and down times come, as they sure will. So love is like the plant that keeps growing, it needs to be continuously nurtured or it will wither.

Please share other ways and tips to keep a relationship fresh and strong too. What is your view on divorce?

MWP - Cowards and Christmas Chickens by Seun Odukoya

2012-01-23T00:30:00.000-08:00

I mentioned in the post about what to expect here in 2012 that I will be featuring some writers from Naija Stories. So starting this Monday, I will be posting some of the short stories that were submitted for the recently concluded Christmas Nostalgia Contest. The Contest Judge, Ikhide Ikheloa, rated this entry by Seun Odukoya 4th out of ten shortlisted stories, and it was one I really enjoyed. Hope you like it too.

The first time I killed a chicken by myself was in 1993 December, in my parents house in Lagos. I nearly kill myself join.

Thanks to my early love for horror movies the sight of blood did not scare me, but I was appalled by the idea of killing something that actually lived and breathed. Besides, I hated the shrieking of the chickens and would not have volunteered that year had it not been for Peju.

She was the daughter of a neighbor; a single mother who lived directly opposite my parents’ house. Absolutely gorgeous; petite complete with blue eyes and yellow hair (more like black eyes/hair; blame romance novels), and she liked me. I did not know events in the cosmos had conspired to help me make a fool of myself that year.

What happened was this: my immediate elder brother who usually did the slaughtering was away in the university; his first year in there and so, probably feeling like a ‘big boy’ refused to come home. The first three, all boys and older than him were out of the country. It was just me, my kid sister who was too young to hold anything bigger than a Barbie doll, our parents and Peju who was in my house because her whole family was away on a spiritual retreat and did not want her along. I was too excited to wonder why.

So Christmas morning dawned, and with it came the question who would do the honors of killing the innocent chicken. Truthfully, I was scared witless and would have stayed hidden in my room had Peju not come to tell me my mum was about to do it herself and then added that she; Peju, was scared like I was which is why she came in my room.

I was angry. Here I was with my ‘dream girl’, and she believed me a coward. I had to redeem myself so – jumping up and speaking in what I thought was a Barry White baritone but was actually a teenage squeak, I asked why mother would bother herself when I was in the house. As I walked towards the kitchen, Peju ran after me and held my hand. I was in heaven.

When I got there, my mum was about to do the deed and I drew back, hoping it would be done before I was noticed. I had forgotten that Peju was with me.

“Seun is here, mummy. He’s here to kill the chicken,” she said (or words to that effect). All the love I had for her evaporated that instant and I snatched my hand from hers, hating her with all of me. I walked on leaden feet towards the sink where mum was, also hating her for forgetting how young I was.

“I’m your baby!” I must have screamed at her telepathically, but she did not hear me, a small smile playing around her lips as she handed me the knife. My hand was shaking so bad I nearly dropped it, but I gripped it harder and climbed on the stool mum placed against the sink for me.

The chicken was bigger than I remembered.

Suddenly its eyes and beak looked really big, reminiscent of the ones I saw on the pterodactyls in the movie Jurassic Park; looking ready to pluck my eyes out. I was afraid, and only the thought that Peju was behind me stopped me from running out of there.

I gripped the chicken’s head as I had seen my brothers do countless times and started sawing the knife back and forth around the neck area, standing in such a way that my body blocked their (mum and Peju’s) view of what I was doing. Within moments I had the chicken’s throat open to the bone and it had stopped struggling, blood spurting sluggishly. Without checking properly, I grabbed it and, moving quickly, dunked it in the pot of boiling water prepared for shedding its feathers.

I dimly recall my mom shouting ‘duro!!!!’, which is ‘wait’ in Yoruba but it was drowned in a loud ‘SQUAARKKK!!!!!!!’ as the chicken, which was only half-dead reacted violently, spraying everyone in the kitchen with boiling water. As I was standing in front of the pot, I got the worst of it. I don’t remember what happened clearly but mum says I screamed, hurled the knife one way and myself the other. All I remember is I never entered the kitchen again that year.

Somehow mum caught me and applied honey on the burns on my arms and most of my chest area, clucking and shaking her head. Fortunately she and Peju had only been lightly touched by the spray. I was so ashamed.

When it was time to eat, I stared at my piece of chicken, half-expecting it to jump out of the plate and attack me. And Peju? She just held my hand through dinner, feeling sorry for me and making me hate myself more. But she never told a soul; which is partly why I carried a torch for her for a long time.

When my brothers came back and heard the story, they laughed and laughed after which they christened me ‘Mr. Hot Chicken’. For the first few months the name annoyed me, but after a while either I outgrew the offense or they moved on, I don’t remember.

Peju’s married now but I still run into her every now and then when I visit, during which she winks, smiles and whispers ‘Mr. Hot Chicken’.

I know.

Check out the discussion about Cowards and Christmas Chickens on Naija Stories

So what do you think of the story? I have to confess at this stage that at least two chickens have lost their lives by my hand. While I trembled the first time, subsequently, I was as steady as a trained assassin.

Have you ever killed a Chicken? If you have, how did it go? If not, do you think you can?

Picture Weekend - For those who like my Braids

2012-01-21T13:07:00.000-08:00

As you can see, I can never be a Fashion Blogger so be gentle with me. I already know there's no sense of style or color coordination. As for the postures, I'm shaking my head at myself this time. What of the Poncho and Sneakers combination? My only excuse is that I'm still looking for a stylist, lol. All credits for any nice shots go to the photographer, Atala. The setting is the Redmond Town Center sometime last year. Continue for more pictures, and do have a great weekend, mwah!

I'm really scared for Nigeria - Multiple Bomb Blasts in Kano?

2012-01-20T13:18:00.000-08:00

What is really going on in Nigeria? Somebody said on my TL that Boko Haram {alleged to be responsible for the blasts} is certainly not working for Islam. And I totally agree. This is more like political terrorism. It's unfortunate that the Government wasted 2 weeks on an ill-thought out reform on the oil sector that had the masses up in arms. Not only were the government ministers and the police distracted, the president equally channeled military resources unnecessarily to Lagos, a perfectly peaceful city. All these while several northern states were still in a state of emergency.

Now Kano, the biggest state in the north, and whose capital city is the economic center has been overtaken. And what a manner of declaring their stand. 20 bomb blasts going off simultaneously in different parts of the city, with security agencies being the main target. The Inspector General's residence and that of the Assistant IG are reported bombed as are several Police stations and an Immigration office. In some places, the attacks are by suicide bombing, while in a few places, the assailants engaged the police in gun battles.

This sounds like a movie, right? But it's not! It's not Hollywood or Nollywood, and that's why it's so scary. Innocent people are dieing for nothing! Because if indeed Boko Haram is behind this, what are they asking for? Sharia? Most Northern states already use that law. Surely they do not want to force it down the throat of the rest of us? That is why I believe this is political. Some people want to make the country ungovernable, some actually threatened it after the last elections. But I ask, at what cost?

President Jonathan mentioned recently that terrorists had infiltrated several aspects of government and recent events seem to bear him out. A suspected Boko Haram member was arrested, but escaped due to the supposed negligence of a Commissioner of Police. With a 24hours ultimatum of a job sack over his head, the IG started playing Kalo Kalo with the media. He has been found, no he has not, catch him and get a N50Million reward. Has the IG been sacked yet? Your guess is as good as mine. What a joke!

I've always suspected that the security agencies in Nigeria are all a joke, there to massage the ego of some top brass. And of course, the SSS is good to round up those who speak out against the government or any of its policies. SMH. How can 20 explosions be planned and no one knew anything? I hear BH is circulating pamphlets in Kano of more blasts to come. Is this a retaliation for their arrested members? What intelligence does the SSS and Police have on what is currently going on?

My final question is, What is the government doing?

Naija4life Launches the "Give a Book" Campaign

2012-01-20T04:00:00.000-08:00

The Give a Book campaign aims to collect educational books which will be sent to Nigeria. The chief driver is Naija4life, the blogger behind A Pen and a Heart, a teacher and someone with a deep passion for education. Education has made a huge difference in his life and he says he will regard his life’s journey as unfulfilled if he fails to give back to society in any way he can. According to him, "we can be quite critical about the many wrongs in our society and most times rightly so. But I also believe we can take action by making small contributions that can only help improve our society. I’m a firm believer that whatever change we seek will only happen if we take action to accomplish them."

What is the purpose of this campaign?
Education remainss the key that will unlock Nigeria’s future. Good education can only be possible with access to books, something that many Nigerian children are denied.

How will this campaign work?
This campaign will involve awareness and invite people to donate old or used books they no longer need or are quite happy to give which are in fairly good condition. They can range from academic books, for primary and secondary school age, fiction, non-fiction etc.

Who can get involved?
This campaign is open to all. You can kindly donate a book or several books.

How can you get involved?
You can get involved by help spreading the word via your blogs, websites, through friends, family etc. This campaign is about the ordinary Nigerian children who have limited access to books and whom this campaign will benefit eventually. You can also get involved by choosing to become a co-facilitator of this campaign and be actively involved in its operations.

How long will this campaign last?
It will last for at least 6 months, up to the summer to enable the initial target of 1000 books.

Who will benefit from this campaign?
The plan is to partner with at least 3 schools especially in deprived areas in Nigeria in the first instance. The intention is to ensure that the books are donated for use in each school’s library for use by all students. Where a school library doesn’t exist then we can encourage them to set up one to enable students borrow or use these books for study. Do you know of any school that could benefit from this campaign? If so please get in touch and let me know how you can be of help in making the necessary contacts needed to get things started.

How will this campaign be funded?
This will be a 100% charitable campaign. They are not asking for money, only for publicity, and donations of old or used books for primary and secondary age or any book that will benefit young people. They'll also be soliciting for logistic support to send these books to Nigeria at the appropriate time. All books collected will be accounted for. At the end of the campaign, details of the schools where these books have been donated to will be made available. Regular updates will be made available on http://www.apenandaheart.blogspot.com/.

How can I send my book donations?
If you live in the UK or Ireland, please email me at: nnaija4life@yahoo.com or giveabooksaveourfuture@yahoo.com and you’ll be provided with the address where donations can be sent to. If you live in the US, Canada, or other parts of Europe, perhaps you may want to lead this campaign where you are which will be quite awesome if you can. Those in Nigeria, we would even rely on your massive support in recommending schools and mobilising where you are.

At the present, they've already collected about 100 ICT books which will be of immense benefit to Nigerian young people whose access to books is somewhat limited.

How can I get updates about the work of this campaign?
Naija4life will provide regular updates to show how much books have been donated and by who. Pseudo names can be used for those who don’t want their real identities revealed. He has contacted a media outlet in the UK (BenTv) and is currently in discussion to see how they may help get the word out to the Nigerian community and even others. He's also in the process of contacting VoxAfrica, another UK based media outlet for Diaspora people.

In whatever way you want to support, please feel free to send an email to nnaija4life@yahoo.com. Also please feel free to ask any questions you may have here as Naija4life will be coming over to answer them. He welcomes advice and constructive criticisms too.