Myrtle Beach Dude

Dog Chili

2010-05-29T14:30:00.000-07:00

I was getting tired of Chilidogs so yesterday I made Dog Chili!

Good Old Fashioned Killing!

2010-05-19T17:31:00.000-07:00

Let me say from the git-go that I ain't got nuttin agin them young'ns havin' their wizard fests and goblin huntin's.

But fer Cryin' out loud - Grown men need to stop it!
There ain't nuttin' wrong with the ladies havin' their imaginary farms and pretend crime sprees.

But, for the love of Mike - Full Growed men need to stop it!
Once you move out of yer mommy's house you need to quit all them baby games and act right. If'n yer still a'leechin' off'n yer folks, well I guess that's their problem fer not launchin' yer butt out the window. But if you have yer own place and yer still mining hallucinatory ores, Cut that crap out!

Real men don't waste their lives on silly little space missions and mythological dates with fictional females in "virtual worlds"

They play Raven Shield!

UFC 108 Picks

2009-12-30T12:02:00.000-08:00

Agree with me or not this is how it's going down Saturday. If I find a twenty on the sidewalk or knock over Shane's liquor store tomorrow, you can join me at the chicken wing shack by Walmark's Saturday night. Comments welcome.

Rafaello Oliveira VS John Gunderson

My gut goes with Fast Guns Gunderson dominating the stand up and a TKO. 2nd Round.

Mike Pyle VS Jake Ellenberger

Ellenberger really impressed against Carlos Condit - One of the best welterweight fights in a while.
Mike Pyle is a relentless Submissionist who will make it a replay of the Condit fight unless Ellenberger knocks him out early.
(I think Ellenberger knocks him out early)

Mark Munoz VS Ryan Jensen

Munoz's only loss was to Matt Hamill (who had never thrown a kick like that before) and Jensen's 5 losses were to absolute monsters. These two are going to battle to get it to the ground and then will Munoz bang out Jenson or will Ryan submit Mark?

I'm going with a Jensen arm Bar in the 2nd.

Cole Miller VS Dan Lauzon

Dan's a good guy but not yet in the league with his brother or Cole, who will submit him in one.

Martin Kampmann VS Jacob Volkmann

In the battle of the Manns, either Kampmann knocks out Christmas or he's getting submitted in the 3rd.
Volkmann will thank the ref for saving his skull. TKO 2nd.

Junior Dos Santos VS Gilbert Yvel

Dos Santos beat up on CroCop because he's past his prime. Yvel knocked the everlivvin crap out of an over-the-hill Rizzo. This is going to be 3 minutes of weighing each other then somebody gets a quick KO.
My guess: Yvel puts Junior to bed.

Jim Miller VS Duane Ludwig

These guys are gonna go all out. Either one could destroy the other. I mean - how many guys have beaten Tony Fryklund, Jens Pulver, Jonathan Goulet and Yves Edwwards?
I flipped a coin and Miller's face came out on top.

Joe Lauzon VS Sam Stout

Lauzon will submit Stout. 1st round.

Dustin Hazelett VS Paul Daley

Hazelett has been very impressive but I don't think anybody can beat Daley right now. If, by chance it goes past 2, Dustin gets a nasty armbar on Daley .

Rashad Evans VS Thiago Silva

Rashad will befuddle Silva with his Parkinson's technique and catch him in the 2nd round.

WEC Picks for Wednesday.

2009-11-16T06:21:00.000-08:00

Mike Brown vs. Jose Aldo
Leonard Garcia vs. Manny Gamburyan
Rob McCullough vs. Karen Darabedyan
Danny Castillo vs. Shane Roller

Dodd' s Special Loan may be exposed.

2009-10-24T11:25:00.000-07:00

Caving to months of pressure from congressional Republicans, the chairman of the House oversight committee agreed Friday to subpoena documents from Countrywide Financial Corporation about its VIP loan program that offered special mortgages to members of Congress and other influential figures.

Sens. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., and Kent Conrad, D-N.D., both received loans from the so-called "Friends of Angelo" program, a reference to the company's former CEO Angelo Mozilo, now charged with insider trading and securities fraud by the SEC.

More Here

Al Gores Nine Lies

2009-10-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

From: Not Evil - Just Wrong
Al Gore is the principal prophet of doom in the global warming debate, and the 2006 documentary An Inconvenient Truth is his gospel to true believers. But Gore has misled them.

Two years ago, British High Court Justice Michael Burton characterized Gore's film as "alarmism and exaggeration in support of his political thesis." The court, responding to a case filed by a parent, said the film was "one-sided" and could not be shown in British schools unless it contained guidelines to balance Gore's attempt at "political indoctrination."

The judge based his decision on nine inaccuracies in the movie. The Gore-loving U.S. media largely ignored the story, but starting premiere night Oct. 18, Americans will hear it in Not Evil Just Wrong. To set the stage, here is a recap of Gore's claims and why they are flawed:

The claim: Melting in Greenland or West Antarctica will cause sea levels to rise up to 20 feet in the near future. The truth: The Intergovernmental Panel On Climate Change concluded that sea levels might rise 20 feet over millennia -- and it waffled on that prediction. The IPCC envisions a rise of no more than 7 inches to 23 inches by 2100. Gore's claim is "a very disturbing misstatement of the science," John Day, who argued the British case, says in Not Evil Just Wrong. The judge said Gore's point "is not in line with the scientific consensus.

The claim: Polar bears are drowning because they have to swim farther to find ice. The truth: Justice Burton noted that the only study citing the drowning of polar bears (four of them) blamed the deaths on a storm, not ice that is melting due to manmade global warming. The Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, furthermore, found that the current bear population is 20,000-25,000, up from 5,000-10,000 in the 1950s and 1960s. Day says in Not Evil Just Wrong that the appeal to polar bears is "a very clever piece of manipulation."

The claim: Global warming spawned Hurricane Katrina in 2005. The truth: "It is common ground that there is insufficient evidence to show that," Burton wrote in his ruling. A May 2007 piece in New Scientist refuted the Katrina argument as a "climate myth" because it's impossible to tie any single weather event to global warming.

The claim: Increases in temperature are the result of increases in carbon dioxide. The truth: Burton questioned the two graphs Gore used in An Inconvenient Truth. Gore argued that there is "an exact fit" between temperature and CO2, Burton said, but his graphs didn't support that conclusion. Recent data also do not support it: The global temperature has been declining for about a decade, even as CO2 levels continue rising.

The claim: The snow on Mount Kilimanjaro is melting because of global warming. The truth: The melting has been under way for more than a century -- long before SUVs and jumbo jets -- and appears to be the result of other causes. Justice Burton noted that scientists agree the melting can't be blamed primarily on "human-induced climate change."

The claim: Lake Chad is disappearing because of global warming. The truth: Lake Chad is losing water, and humans are contributing to the losses. But the humans in the lake's immediate vicinity, rather than mankind as a whole using fossil fuels, are to blame. Burton cited factors like population, overgrazing and regional climate variability.

The claim: People are being forced to evacuate low-lying Pacific atolls, islands of coral that surround lagoons, because of encroaching ocean waters. The truth: By their very nature, atolls are susceptible to rising sea levels. But Burton said pointedly in his ruling, "There is no evidence of any such evacuation having yet happened."

The claim: Coral reefs are bleaching and putting fish in jeopardy. The truth: In his ruling, Burton emphasized the IPCC's finding that bleaching could kill coral reefs -- if they don't adapt. A report released this year shows that reefs already are thriving in waters as hot as some people say ocean waters will be 100 years from now. Burton also said it is difficult to separate coral stresses such as over-fishing from any changes in climate.

The claim: Global warming could stop the "ocean conveyor," triggering another ice age in Western Europe. The truth: Once again, Gore's allies at the IPCC disagree with that argument. Burton cited the panel in concluding that "it is very unlikely that the ocean conveyor ... will shut down in the future." The fact that the scientific understanding of how the conveyor belt works remains unsettled further exposes the flaw in Gore's claim.

Support your local geezer - it might pay dividends

2009-10-07T07:48:00.000-07:00

I grew up with the notion that you had to "Respect your elders". I try to make sure that any interaction I have with folks older than me is courteous, and that I smile and listen to what they have to say. I don't think that "older equals wiser" but that it is your duty to show respect to people who've been here longer than you.

One day it will be my turn to geeze and I expect the same from future generations.

I've learned that many geezers have actually accumulated some knowledge along the way. Surprisingly, those who have survived planet earth for more than seventy years have not always done it by chance, but by their wits.

When we see shriveled, hunched bodies scuttling along - we seldom think about how that person got to be that way. We want them out of the way - they walk slow. We don't want to interact - they might not hear us well and we have to repeat or speak really loud. We fear we may someday be like them, not realizing we would have achieved something to be old enough to be hunched and shriveled.

What we really should do is take a few minutes to interact. Ask them just a question or two and actually listen. That treasure dude would have never known about that big-ass diamond that the chick lost on the Titanic if we didn't have to sit through 3 and a half hours of her, as a hundred year old senile bat, blathering on about her sexual infidelity as a young hottie.

I don't know where this is going but I wanted to tell you this lil quip that Wally from the gym spat out last night.

For quite a while Michele and I would see this guy at the gym. About 90 pounds, soaking wet with rocks in his pocket, he gets on the treadmill at the slowest setting. Then pauses every two seconds to catch up. Then he saunters over to different pieces of equipment, stopping at each one and reading little folded pieces of paper for about five minutes before he does 30 seconds of exercise.

The smart ass in me just can't help but make comments about this little nebbish, throwing him under the comic bus. Easy pickin's. I know I shouldn't, but I'm not a good person. I wonder why he comes to the gym at all. He could get as much exercise walking to the kitchen and opening a can of soup.

A month or two ago I look across the way to the girl corner (where they have the pink weights and those bouncy balls) and there's my wife, chatting with the little dinosaur, who's sitting on a bouncy ball.

I ended up going over and getting introduced to Wally. He used to work in the Pentagon and having lived for decades in D.C. was going on with Michele about how it used to be, the things that have changed, etc...

So now every time we see him, we spend a few minutes talking. It makes him feel better and we learn a thing or two. I get the feeling he is really really old, but he has never disclosed how old. I wonder what exactly he did in the Pentagon. He said he was a statistician. Was he maybe a spy? Did he decode Nazi secrets? Maybe he's a trained killer. Maybe he kept statistics.

I wonder if he's in bad shape for a 70 year old or exceptional condition for a guy over a hundred. Michele and I keep listening to references of years and trying to deduce his age.

He told us once about the first time he was rejected from getting "student price" tickets. It was at the World's Fair. He was 24. He smiled slyly and said - "But I won't tell you what city!"

So last night we were chit chatting about the size of Taft's bathtub; how popular he was for being so big while everybody else was starving and how it was considered good health back then and how today it's despised when Wally said, "That's my memories, but it's ancient history to you two."

Michele -hoping to trick him into saying his birth year- said, "That was before we were born. I was born in 68 and he was in 64", pointing at me.

"I remember when I was 64 and 68", said Wally, "But that's ancient history to me."

Leave it to the Russians

2009-09-17T13:43:00.000-07:00

No bungees for these Dudes to try and kill themselves - just regular climbing rope. You have to give them Credit for taking care of themselves, though. Preparation, practice and good old toughness (even the chicks) got them through without any ambulances.

And you have to love the generic Russian Rock music.

Imac Keyboard and SEO

2009-07-20T18:21:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I really don't like to use the keyboard on my Laptop, so I just plug ina a USB keyboard. Usually i use one of the HP or IBM ones that i had leftover aftre putting 4 machines to a switch for the console desk in back, but tonight I had an old Imac Keyboard handy (circa 2000) so I'm using it. It seems very well made but the keys are still a little tiny so it's hard to type. It does make a very pleasant clikity clak reminiscent of Doogie Howser, which makes the typing more fun, like sand in the hula hoop. I also like the usb terminals on either side of the top of the keyboard so can plug my phone in right there instead of all the way over on the desk - it's like 2 feet away and so inconvenient.

If I continue using it I will have t get use to the small key size.

So Maybe if anybody has a full size mac keyboard with the USC terminals you could just give it to me - C'mon!!!!!! Let me have your keyboard!!!!

I don't even know if Mac makes full size keyboards.

So that's how I've been writing my new coldfusion rss display pages tonight. With this 3/4 size keyboard. if there are mistakes, sorry.

I's really neat though, you can put the rss feed right into your page and it appears as text rather than as a Script so google and yahoo just see the content.

I also use coldfusion in the metatags to make sure each database driven page has it's own description and keywords for maximum SEO punch.

Coldfusion really is superior technology when it comes to spiders because it feeds the desired text to the spider rather than question marks and gobbledy gook that the search engines throw away.

Hey - this keyboard ain't so bad now. I guess i just needed to get used to it. But really, if you have a bigger mac keyboard send it to me!

A movie that caught me by surprise

2009-07-18T14:41:00.000-07:00

The Condemned Starring "stone cold" Steve Austin
- I thought it was gonna be the 6 Million Dollar Man, but he turned out to be some pro wrestler dude.
So it's similar to the Ray Liotta movie where they are prisoners on a deserted island and they're all gonna get killed so let's just start shooting and blowing stuff up, BUT - and here's the catch: They also knife people and whack 'em with sticks and stuff! - Pretty cool, huh?

An added bonus is that some innerweb hotshot (who wants to cash in on these bad-ass killer dudes killin' each other on pay per view) pisses off StoneColdSteveAustin (that's how you're supposed to say his name - like really fast) So now he's out to get the whole dang TV crew and the innerweb dude that started the whole thing.

hmmmm... What will happen?

You can catch it on:
or

My singing philosophy

2009-07-05T00:21:00.000-07:00

I subscribe to the Whitney Houston school of singing.
"If you can't sing well, SING LOUD"

Obama's Stimulus waste exposed

2009-06-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

Source

U.S. Senator Tom Coburn, MD, today released an oversight report — “100 Stimulus Projects: A Second Opinion” — that discloses 100 of the worst examples of waste in the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, or stimulus bill.
Here are 10 examples in the report:

1. $1.5 million in “free” stimulus money for a new wastewater treatment plant results in higher utility costs for residents of Perkins, Oklahoma.

2. $1 billion for FutureGen in Mattoon, Illinois, is the “biggest earmark of all time” for a power plant that may never work.

3. $15 million for “shovel-ready” repairs to little-used bridges in rural Wisconsin are given priority over widely used bridges that are structurally deficient.

4. $800,000 for little-used John Murtha Airport in Johnstown, Pennsylvania airport to repave a back-up runway; the “Airport for Nobody” has already received tens of millions in taxpayer dollars.

5. $3.4 million for a wildlife “eco-passage” in Florida to take animals safely under a busy roadway.

6. Nevada nonprofit gets $2 million weatherization contract after recently being fired for same type of work.

7. $1.15 million for installation of a new guard rail for the non-existent Optima Lake in Oklahoma.

8. Nearly $10 million to renovate an abandoned train station that hasn’t been used in 30 years.

9. 10,000 dead people get stimulus checks, but the Social Security Administration blames a tough deadline.

10. Town of Union, New York, encouraged to spend a $578,000 grant it did not request for a homelessness problem it claims it does not have.

Oh No - Is it the end?

2009-04-21T22:08:00.000-07:00

Facebook isn't working properly and we just don't know what to do. Will the world ever be right again?

St Patrick's Day Movies

2009-03-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

Although many Parades were held this past Saturday. Tomorrow is St.Patrick's Day.
I like to celebrate my Irish Heritage with a wee bit of fillum. Here's a list of Irish and Irish-American Flicks that I like - Except for that Lord of the Dance - What an embarrassment to be Irish when those limp-armed clodhoppers hit the stage.
Anyway...
-Go out tonight and pick up one or more of these flicks to celebrate all that's Irish for St Patrick's Day. Some Old, some new, some classic, some forgettable.
And remember - for just one day we are all Irish. Sing, Dance, Drink!

The Quiet Man The classic tale of Sean "Trooper" Thornton (John Wayne). Sean returns to his homeland to buy plot of land and snag a wife. The Wife is a firey redhead named Mary Kate Danaher( Maureen O'Hara), sister to "Red" (Victor McLaglen ) the town bully, who also has his eyes on Sean's plot. There's plenty of fun in this bit of eyre.

St. Patrick: The Irish Legend Movie version of the Story of St. Patrick.

Billy Elliot This Little kid just wants to dance. But in tough County Durham, a fellow dancing might as well be wear a shirt that says, "I'm a Poof." Billy is a a young man faced with a major dilemma about being himself. When his teacher says he should enter auditions to attend ballet school, how's he gonna keep that quiet?

Dear Frankie Young Frankie's mom has been sending him letters since he was tiny. They've all been fake, addressed from his "dad". His real dad is a piece of work and his mom has made up a seafaring wanderer who sends Frankie letters from a ficticious freighter that frequents distant ports. When the ficticous ship turns out to be real and headed to Frankies home town things go desperately wrong, then maybe perfectly right. But it could be a real disaster!

A Little Bit of Irish Bing Crosby selections from the past. Songs include: Molly Malone, The Rose of Tralee, Bold Fenian Men, Send me my Desire, Irish Jig, Ignatius John, Across the Irish Sea,Isle of Innisfree, Off to Philidelphia, Gaelic Lament, The Fool and the Mother, The Boys of Wexford/Captain Kelly's Kitchen, Off to Dublin in the Green, Macnamara's Band, and of course WHEN IRISH EYES ARE SMILING.

Leprechaun Pot of Gore Collection Yay! All five Leprechaun movies in the proverbial pot of gore! Dan O'Grady starts it all off by trying to steal the little guys pot of gold. From there we learn more and more truth about the vicious little critter who ain't about to share any lucky charms.

The Brothers McMullen Is a chick flick where three Irish Catholic brothers share emotions and deal with relationships and all that "manly" emotional blarney. Nothing reallly happens except you cry a lot.

The Devil's Own Frankie McGuire (cute little Brad Pitt) is an IRA killer who's visiting America to buy weapons. He's posing as a young immigrant in search of work. McGuire is sponsored by Tom O'Meara (tough guy Harrison Ford), a New York cop who knows nothing about Frankie's real identity. Things go wrong with the arms deal, putting both Frankie and the O'Meara family in a real tough spot.

Angela's Ashes Frank McCourt made great with Irish wit when dealing with misery. This tale in particular is his very own - told from his perspective as a lad in Limerick whose drunken dad and overworked mom trudge on through the endless poverty and cruelty that marked the 1930's in much of the Emerald Isle. Malachy McCourt's heirloom to his son was all he had, a way of weaving a story that you just had to hear. Luckily the younger McCourt found a typewriter and a publisher and made good for the whole family. This goes a long way to stereotype that Irish were nothing but shiftless drunks, Thanks.

In the Name of The Father Based somewhat on the story of Gerry Conlon and the Guildford four, It gives a good look into the relationship between a man and his slacker son. It also shows that a boy without purpose can become a man with a mission. Nicely acted and lots of Irish-Anglo conflict, this gritty crime drama tops the list of Daniel Day Lewis films.

The Commitments One of the greatest movies about music and musicians ever. Jimmy Rabbitte wants to form the "World's Hardest Working Band". Jimmy's experience in music so far is selling bootleg tapes from a duffel bag in Dublin's street markets. Somehow he manages to bring together a group of the "blackest blacks in Europe" and they actually begin to make beautiful music. They just need a big break. The big break is on it's way when The Commitments encounter the things that have brought down many a musician - Family, friends and the fame they have worked for.

The Magdelene Sisters The only thing worse than a flirty Catholic girl is being a pregnant Catholic girl, even if it was because your cousin raped you. The Magdelene Sisters were good enough to take these troublesome creatures out of circulation until 1996. This is the tale of three such young women in the 1960's who faced the brutality of the pious nuns. Unrelenting drudgery of laundry (the nuns were paid, the girls got gruel), constant prayer and complete seclusion (even from their own families) were to get the women to heaven.

Waking Ned Devine Oh what a tangled web! The luck o' the Irish hits Ned Devine Smack between the eyes. He wins the Lottery bigtime - but the shock of it all gives his ticker a fit. When the townsfolk find him dead they conspire to have a ringer collect the winnings so they can split it.

Borstal Boy When Brendan Behan was sent to a reform school for attempting to set a bomb in Liverpool, His life took a series of turns that changed him. This is his story.

IN SEARCH OF ANCIENT IRELAND traces the history and legends of ancient Ireland. Beginning in 2000 B.C. -- when Stone Age farmers built some of the largest and most spectacular Neolithic monuments in Europe -- the series explores events and stories from millennia of history, to 1167 A.D., when the Norman invasion placed Ireland under control of England's king.

Rudy EVERYONE SHOULD SEE THIS MOVIE! Rudy's hopes, dreams, ambitions - really his whole life revolves around him playing football for Notre Dame. He has worked, studied, practiced, done everything possible to make his dream come true. Unfortunately Rudy is just a little too small and a little to slow to play at that level. But that doesn't stop him. It may not have gotten an oscar but it is one of the top movies of all time.

Celtic Woman Hot chicks sing and play the music of the Emerald Isle.

The Celtic Tiger Starring Michael Flatley Michael Flatley, the fastest feet on earth returns to the stage to spearhead his powerful new dance spectacular, Celtic Tiger.

BlockBuster has done it again!

2009-03-12T14:30:00.000-07:00

Bloockbuster has time and time again offered deals to get people in then changed the deal. They must figure that enough people will stay to make it worth their while. It has been going on for decades. In the 1980's they decided that "three days" meant from store opening on day one till store closing on day 3. Actually less than 2.5 "days" as defined by law. They had to change it to "3 evenings" after a lawsuit. Then they had to refund hundreds of thousands of "late fees" because the "late fee" for half a day was greater than the rental price for "3 evenings". Then they acted like they were being magnanimous by doing away with late fees! Some of the worst customer relations people in the business.

This time they had offered an online rental deal (to counter Netflix) that was 20 bucks a month two years ago. The deal was they send unlimited DVDs (3 DVDs at a time) and you could return them to the store for a free movie. When they recieved the Mailer you returned to the store, they send another. It was a good deal for 20 bucks.

Then within 6 months it was 25 bucks a month, then 30 then 35 - almost doubling over a two year period. Then this month they send an email that updates the terms. It's one of those things like the license for software - about six thousands words of fluff that means nothing. But they throw in a sentence or two that says, "We're gonna screw you, but you're not supposed to notice."

This one said that they won't send out the next DVD until after you return the one you "get for free" from the store. Adding a day or more to the turnaround process and slicing the number of movies you get each month virtually in half.

This is the newest gimmick in retailing these days - The price of cereal hasn't gone up in a year. But the boxes are getting smaller. Bloockbuster execs just figured they had suckered enough people away from netflix with their "in store exchange" and now they could cut that part of the deal right out from under their customers who are still paying nearly twice as much as Netflix patrons.

To top it off, BlockBuster stocks everything that The Asylum ever puts out! The Asylum only "produces" crappy knock offs with similar titles to actual movies that are being released in theaters. The cover art is impressive but when you hit Play you quickly realize you have been had. Since 1992 they have released almost 200 titles and Blockbuster carries almost every one. They go on BB shelves at the time when the original is advertising that it is in theaters. It is 100 percent a scheme to use the legitimate movie's promos to sell horse dung. It was kinda funny when the movie was free. You say, "ahaa - it's just a joke!" You take the movie back next time you go to BB and no harm done.
Now that your in-store "free movie" is like an online rental in that it puts a stop to your queue for a day or more, they are, in essence, stealing that time directly from you, the consumer.

Here's a partial list of Asylum titles in the last couple of years that Blockbuster puts on it's shelves when the original is in theaters:
Transmorphers 2 (not Transformers)
The Terminators (not Terminator)
The Day the Earth Stopped (not "stood still")
Street Racer (looks a lot like like Death Race)
100 Million BC (not 10 million)
Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls (The cover pic is the spittin image of Indiana Jones)
War of the Worlds (not with Tom Cruise)
I Am Omega (not I am Legend - the remake of Omega Man)
30,000 Leagues Under the Sea (an extra 10,000 leagues)
Invasion of the Pod People (not "The Invasion" with Tom Cruise's Ex)
Transmorphers (not Transformers)
The Apocalypse (when Apocalypto was in theaters)
The Hitchhiker (not The Hitcher)
Snakes on a Train (yeah - a TRAIN, a Mutha*****in' TRAIN)

Call your local Blockbuster and complain to them before you call Blockbuster corporate (it's hard to find the number on their website, so I'll post it for you 866-692-2789 ) Blockbuster toll free number 866-692-2789. Make sure you have your BB account number or they won't speak to you. When you go there don't just cancel - hit the choice that says "other". Make sure you get a human to whom you can voice your displeasure before demanding this months charge back. Then Cancel.

Mob dancin in Liverpool Street Station

2009-01-30T12:10:00.000-08:00

Dunno why - I just think it's fun.

T-Mobile filmed this ad and just made a little unannounced fun for commuters. Now if they'd just lower my bill!

Laying down the Law!

2008-12-22T19:21:00.000-08:00

Tonight I brought the boy into the kitchen and looked him in the eye, "I don't want any backtalk.
I don't want any argument.
I don't want you to tell me what your friends are doing tonight.
I will not take no for an answer.
This is what you are going to do."

I saw the look come across his face that told me he wasn't happy but he knew there was no way out.

"Go over to that couch, sit on your butt and play video games until midnight."

He has been in full compliance. I guess I showed him who's Boss.

Does anybody know...?

2008-12-19T22:31:00.000-08:00

I remember a movie that had a soliloquy similar to this:

In my short and merry life I have loved many.
(crowd murmurs)

But once, and only once, have I ever trusted a woman.
(crowd grows louder)

and that is why I stand here today!
(crowd erupts with howls and hoots)

It was delivered from the gallows.

Does anyone remember this?

Case number two: Yankee Get Home

2008-12-16T21:32:00.000-08:00

Case Two:

Yankee Get Home

(for best viewing go to http://myrtlebeachdude.blogspot.com )

The Plaintiff: Mortimer Ricketybones

- A retired NY couple now re-retiring to Myrtle Beach. He claims the defendant breeched a realty (pronounced REELuhty) contract and owes him over $7000 for his motel bills, meals and a Realtor's (REELuhter) lost commission.

The Defendant: Elmer Gudolboy

- A dude from up nawth who has lived here twenty years and now considers himself a local. He says he was waiting to sign the papers when the old guy found another house and left him hanging.

Last year more people moved to the Independent Republic of Horry County from Florida than from any other state. The trend in Yankees moving to Florida is changing due to the High Crime and Cost of houses in the Sunshine State, plus the fact that Geezers have a hard time making the drive from Dade County to Lonnnnge Eyeland for Christmas in less than a week. As you know, folks from the other side of the twentieth century have a natural born fear of "them flying contraptions" so the best alternative to paradise is the palmetto state. Plus we have more golf courses so the menfolk can dawdle about and ignore the missus for quite some time before they've played 'em all.

The Case:

Mr. Morty Ricketybones came up and looked at Elmer Gudolboy's house in Early August. Said he wanted that baby, surenuff.
"How long till yous can vacate the premises and give me possession?"
"I reckon I could find me another place to live perty quick", Said Elmer.
They strike a deal and Morty gets his Realtor to scribble up a contract, contingent on the purchase of another house by Elmer and set a date of Sept 27 as the closing. A lawyer apparently dots the T's and crosses her eyes.

Just a few days later, Elmer calls up Morty and tells him he has a rush deal on a little house that he can live in till he builds on a plot of land he has in mind. Says he's probably gonna settle up on about August 15 on account of the little house is vacant and ready to go.

Morty Proceeds to call in the Teamsters and have his kit and caboodle hauled up to Myrtle toot sweet. He arrives on the 15th of August and tells Elmer that he's ready to move in.
"Well dang", says Elmer "The ink ain't dry on the papers for my new place and I have got to pack up twenty years of accumulations and get all moved. Besides, I still need to finish up that little list of doo dads from your house inspector's run through. And the dadburn closin date is set for the 27th."

"Sheesh!" replies Morty.
So Morty and the missus move in to the motel with the two dogs and commence to waiting.
On the 26th he finally goes by the house with his inspector to check off the list of 11 items that were noted in the inspection report.

Pay attention here because it gets sticky
Among the 11 things on the report are danglin' soffit and missing shingles. Mr Morty doesn't go around back and look at the soffit or crawl up on the roof to check for missing shingle tabs.
For those of you who don't get many hurricanes, shingles can get all tore up and you need to slide some back in now and then. Its just normal wear and tear.
The Gudolboy family was still moving out - boxes all over the house, two pieces of furniture still inside.

Morty's Reeluhter, Willie Gettit, testified that the house didn't look ready the night before closing. On cross, he admitted that he did not look at the specific items in question. Just that it didn't look ready.

Next morning at 10 when the closing is supposed to take place Morty was at his Lawyers office. Elmer never showed. He has his lawyer fax a release from the contract to Elmer's Lawyer and he goes looking for another house.
He claims Elmer wanted to sell to someone else at a higher price and blew the deal on purpose.
(reload the page for the theme song again)

The Defense:

Elmer gets up in court and asks Morty if he ever actually inspected the property on the morning of closing and confirmed it was not ready to sell.
Morty says, "It wasn't ready the afternoon before how could you get it ready in one night?"
Elmer says he finished up the moving and a few minor repairs and was waiting at his lawyers office across town on the closing date. He says Morty's lawyer never called his lawyer and just faxed a release from the contract.
Elmer's Lawyer closes with the fact that either Morty's Reeluhter or Lawyer added the phrase "Time is of the essence" on the contract so expectation to close on the closing date was, well, "not how we do it in South Carolina". Morty never called to negotiate any of the things he found unreasonable and Morty had in fact been eying Elmer's neighbor's house, which was priced lower. It was he who ended the deal and no one else was responsible. "Pay the motel man and get on with your life, dude."

The Magistrate Charges the Jury

: South Carolina law only expects a contract to be carried out on time when the phrase "Time is of the essence" appears directly after the date by which the contract is to be carried out. Really. Don't expect anything in this state to be done on time unless you offer a bonus for early finish or stipulate a penalty for late performance and you had better jot "Time is of the essence" right there in black ink.

Deliberation

: Because the plaintiff chose not to hire a lawyer, he was not quite as thorough as he should have been (just being from New York does not make you a lawyer) so the only article which he entered into evidence was the contract for sale of the house. No inspectors report. No motel bills. No pictures of the roof. Nuttin.

The one thing that had bugged me throughout the whole case was that from the opening statements both parties had each claimed to be at separate lawyers offices on the closing date. I was determined that the one who was at the location stipulated on the contract would be the one I was going to vote for.

When The contract made it around the table and was in front of me I could not believe what I saw.

...take place at to be determined

I was flabbergasted. Many other Jurors were set back as well.

Horry County has one of the highest Reeluhter to population ratios in the world. We have had a property value boom for the last 15 years that just topped out this past summer. The result of which was that every person who could focus on the strenuous 1 day course and pass the arduous 1 page exam was welcomed to the fraternity. The more closings, the more the prices soared. So, as you can rightly understand, about a third of the people on the jury either were a Reeluter or married to one.

The Reeluhter that was trying to get his commission from the failed deal had written such a sloppy contract that he had done himself in. We could easily believe that Elmer had indeed been sitting in his lawyer's office waiting for Morty's Solicitor to make the deal happen on the date in question.

Verdict

:We unanimously found for the Defendant. The plaintiff had not proved his case and more importantly had such bad representation for the deal that we believed his shyster probably did not call the other advocate to say, "let's get together."

Result

: We found out later that this case had been going on for over three years. It was the second time to go before a court, the first being thrown out by a judge on point of Law because Morty did something against procedure. Evidently Morty felt he would have sympathy of the Jury because he was old, he had to stay in a motel and he had two Weimaraners, one of which died four days after the sale fell through.

Morty bought a house around the corner from Elmer's, for less money and closed in 18 days.

Jury Duty Case 1

2008-12-14T11:26:00.000-08:00

I know everybody is on edge to hear the results of the cases I so judiciously jury-fied this past week.

The Independent Republic of Horry County sent an invitation for me to apply my wisdom to the disputes between my fellow ~~citizens~~ residents.

Case one: Four (admittedly) illegal aliens contended that they worked for an (alleged) illegal alien for four weeks on a construction project at the Market Commons in Myrtle Beach. They said the defendant never paid them for this work. They also said that there were ten other men that all worked on the same building and lived in the same trailer (that the defendant provided).

14 men+ 1 trailer+no running water or electricity = nothing unusual.

They didn't complain about the living conditions, just the lack of pay.

The defendant (M*^@$#)admitted that all of this was true but said that he worked for a company called M&M Construction owned by Silvia M$#^^%&*#$% and was not responsible. He never explained who the other M in M&M was. He also failed to explain that his business card for his own company, M*^@$# Framing had the same phone number that was used to open the bank account for M&M.
On cross we found out that M*^@$# shared a child and address with M$#^^%&*#$% .

Then he tried to say he fired them because they were drunk all the time. For a month.

Deliberation: Since the Federl Gubmint won't do their job, now the states and counties (and Independent Republics) across the nation have to deal with these situations. As a whole the Jury was pretty perturbed that we had to give up our time to decide this matter when they all should be back in their home countries figuring out why there is no construction going on there. We also felt confident that the men had worked for a month with no pay and that wasn't right.

Verdict: It was obvious that the defendant was a snake who took advantage of both our lax immigration enforcement and the vulnerability of the illiterate aliens who would work for cash and without the protections of a normal payroll system.

He owed them all what they said and the judge upped that to $7500 each (court maximum).

Result: Because he is a snake and makes up companies at least once a year to avoid detection, probably has one or more false SSNs and lives out of state, he will continue his life as normal. The Plaintiffs lawyer will try to find some of his assets or accounts to have them garnished but will in all likelihood never receive a dime for his clients. In other words - six Citizens, a lawyer, judge , clerk, records people and support personnel spent hours, some of them days to try a case in which there is no result.

Where, oh where has my li'l dinghy gone?

2008-09-12T14:11:00.000-07:00

Oh where oh where could it be?

OK, so we have just realized that 14 minutes worth of macramé has gone to the dogs. back up come the binoculars to capture the essence of Brian's conundrum sinking in to his fuzzy head.

It wasn't long before he came ambling down the dock, a bounce in his step and his tank top flailing away. When he got to the place where the dinghy had been a huge, nervous smile spread across his melon. This was better than candid camera!

Brian casually looked from one end of the dock to another, hoping that his extremely fragile reality was not finally beginning to crumble. He peered over to us but we were concealed beneath the bimini and completely out of earshot anyway, so there was nothing we could do - except roll around the deck in fits of hilarity.

Brian actually worked pretty good in a crisis situation. He walked out to the fuel pumps at the end of the dock and asked if they had seen the dinghy (I can only suppose, we actually have no idea what the conversation was). We were waiting for him to call over on the radio but I think he was too embarrassed (or too intimidated by the electronics involved) to contact us.

He stayed in the fuel hut for quite a while. eventually he was escorted down the dock by a West Indian in a red t-shirt. The red t-shirt kept making motions with his hands which conveyed "Ihave no idea where it is. No, I haven't seen anyone leaving the island in a dinghy with a greeeeen moata!"
Then the red t-shirt pointed across the bay to the dinghy's new position. "is thaat ya booat, mon?" his fingers asked.
Brian looked and turned back to the red t-shirt. "How could that be my boat? I'm ... I'm sure that....I mean... I know i didn't park it there. I guess it could be my boat but i ... i tied that thing up over here" he must have said.
After more arm waiving by red and more rocking by Brian he finally walked along the beach in front of Pusser's to the other dock. he inspected the dingy, not wanting to be locked in a third world jail for pilfering a boat which wasn't his.

After deciding that "well it looks like our dingy... I mean it has that SeaBreeze on the side there and that ... I think I recall that was the name of the company we rented the boat from.... or was it Caribbean Travel Network? I seem to remember that when I was trying to get a train ticket to the Caribbean that Chesty gave me a number to a woman... I think I remember her name was Rena.... I wonder what she looked like?... let's see Caribbean Travel Network was the place we got the tickets... yeah, OK then I guess SeaBreeze was the company we got that boat from.
Well, lets see... it has got the green motor and I remember I cranked it up and that motor was green....."
He looked around and no one was chasing after him so he must have assumed it was our boat.
Now how would he let the rope go and crank the motor without drifting out to sea?

He did return and later that evening we found out that the young sailor tying the dinghy up earlier was in fact Roe's brother Pete. - he had seen Brian come to the dock and thought it would be a neat trick. He and Will had watched from the deck of Pusser's with the entire restaurant and been laughing just as hard as we were.
Guilt finally forced me to tell Brian the truth, 3 days after we returned home.

Brians Dinghy trip.

2008-09-07T19:53:00.001-07:00

Today we relive Brian's dinghy expedition!

It's day 12 - we have sailed from Cooper Island to Leverick Bay on Virgin Gorda. The crew has gone ashore for supplies and returned minus the captain (still Roe- no mutiny as of yet) who is under a palm tree reading Don't Stop the Carnival.

After a couple hours the radio crackles to life. The skipper needs a dinghy ride back to the boat. I look at Brian and give the command, "fire up the dinghy - the skip needs you, miboy"

Brian is a "special" tenant of ours and by this time in the trip we have grown accustomed to his bark-like noises, abnormal meal habits, strange hygiene habits, lack of clothing, habit of slapping his chest, Flailing himself with a t-shirt like a cow shooing flies, generally his overall weird behavior.

But the one thing that no one could accept was his indecision. When we said "Brian, pull the red rope" he would look at it and say "well... This one is kinda white with red stripes... I mean I could pull this one but I'm not really sure its red or..."

then he sort of rocks a little bit looking for approval.

"pull in the *&#$ rope!"

He puts his hands gingerly on the rope and stares at the winch around which it should be wound.

"Sit over there! #$@%%^&*&&*^^%$!"

Then someone would do his job as he fidgeted in his seat.

Now he is faced with being alone in a 12 foot boat (with an engine that stalls occasionally) in a harbor where the wind is lightly puffing out to sea. His mind is reeling with possible tragedies.

"Get in the dingy and go get Roe. You've driven the dingy with Jack in it. You know what to do. Get in and I'll untie you when you get it cranked."

"Ted - do you want to go with me?"

"Get in and go. It's right there - 200 yards. You swam that far the other day!"

Rock, rock, rock. Nervous grin. Flail, flail.

"I'll go" said Ted, fearing that his fraternity brother would die of starvation on the dock of a four star resort waiting for rescue.

They get in and, with Ted acting as ballast, they motor ashore.

As the dinghy comes back to the TI-COYO , Roe is standing at the bow (like Ponce de Leon in search of the fabled fountain) and Ted is sitting at attention (big smile on his face) on the center seat as Brian maneuvers the "greeeen moata dinghy" to the stern of the TI-COYO.

I stand to offer any assistance they may need and Roe holds up a foreboding hand. "Brian is doing this on his own - no help from anyone"

He successfully gets to the back of the TI-COYO and all passengers deboat (like how the stewardess has you "deplane"). Congratulations are offered to Brian and everybody settles down to a nice lunch of beans and rice.

Suddenly Roe “remembers” that he has forgotten bait and asks Brian to go back to the store and buy some.

Then he tells Brian to go get some bait.

Then he orders Brian to go get some bait.

"You've done it several times, I won't accept no as an answer!"

Brian slowly makes his way into the dinghy and as he turns around to ask (for the nine hundred and fourteenth time) how to start the engine, Roe tossed him the painter and let him drift.

A look of panic came across his face and he couldn't decide whether to :

1. Jump out of the dinghy and swim for the boat hoping that a giant tuna with rabies didn't devour him on the way.

2. Try to throw the line back to Roe so he could hold on to it as he took 45 minutes to crank the motor.

3. Crank the motor and go to shore.

4. Just sit there until he reached Havana where Cuban whores would drag him ashore and fulfill his wildest dreams while sending him straight to hell for fornication.

We got the binoculars out and watched as Brian drifted off into history. There was the very real possibility that the tide would pull him across Blunder Bay and through over the flats by Anguilla point. The current would no doubt take him at 3 knots right into the Drake Passage. It could be days before we see him. if ever.

The wind was our hero that day. It blew from the north and carried Brian straight into the boulders of Blunder Bay. As he neared the rocky shore, some 35 minutes after drifting of our stern, he picked up an oar and used it to fend off the rocks. When he finally stopped he was a quarter mile from the nearest place to safely beach. We had anticipated him wading in three feet of water over the reef to the west Leverick dock.

He surprised us all and cranked the motor. He made it safely past the west dock over to the tie up by the fuel dock. After arriving he spent the next 14 minutes tying the vessel up. Then he rechecked his knot; looked at how the other dingies were tied; double checked his knot making sure that a hurricane wouldn't blow it away as he went to the market; looked around to ensure no pirates were about; checked the sky for coming hurricanes; checked his knot; smiled, having full assurance that he had done it with no disasters.

As he walked off to the store he swatted himself on the back with his tank top repeatedly. He says it makes him feel “normal”.

A few minutes passed and I noticed the ease with which some young sailor secured his dingy to a different dock, some hundred yards away - funny how I didn't notice him coming into the harbor.

Another ten minutes passed. Brian sure was taking his time getting bait.

Then Roe, who had been staring intently at the dock, asked "where's the dinghy?"

A quick search affirmed it was not where Brian had left it. An easy look to the west dock confirmed my suspicion that whoever had tied that dinghy hadn't come into the harbor with it. It was our dinghy – somehow it had come undone and drifted across the harbor!

to be continued…