mystiquecastleowner

let it flow

2010-09-18T01:53:00.000-07:00

As those drops fall

I thank the rain god

How sublimely it says, sorrow never stays

Livid air

And a few drops

Whisper in my ears

I am there

Creating warmth

I hadn’t felt for long

Wrapping me in his assurance

Nothing lasts forever

Drains the pain in me

Those wounds wont bleed now

Now that horizon looks like

A sheath of protection

Closing up on me

Breathing

Now I can give out a sigh

Cry

The swaying air cradles my soul

Putting those fears to sleep

Once again

Will it rain?

Become my tears

square garden

2010-07-12T23:26:00.001-07:00

Step by step

I walk the path

That squares the garden

The step increases the speed

To escape slumber

To burn another calorie

To fuel the heartbeat

The source- the garden

Which is over brimming with life

The kid there knows what life is

The mother playing with him knows how life is

The person walking behind me knows

How many more kilometers to walk

I see people walking ahead of me

I slow down not to to overtake them

But I know how it feels to lag behind

I go green seeing the grass so lean

I long to be a baby sitting

The one over the grass

So ignorant

I crave to take a moment and lie on the grass

Gasp a breath of air

To exorcise me

Exhume the soul dormant inside me

But alas, my legs hate to stop

Its taken its path

The stones that square the garden

That borders life

Confines happiness

In the nature to its inside

Its mundane outside

Where people drive and shout

When the sun blocking glasses

Blind them to see the pristine spring

The aged chat of years of glory

Live every moment of their life

That shall soon cease

My legs can’t stop

My eyes hate to blink

For it craves for that fling

Those two kids have

For minutes in their game

My legs go fatigue

Yet they walk like a headless man

For its path shall never change

I walk on that path

Regretting every moment

I have miles to go before I blink

Oh, I have miles to go to burn those calories

2010-06-16T10:33:00.000-07:00

its something i wrote on 28th nov.... after a lot of moving news about the Taj attach and its effects on 'innocent' people's lives

My mortality take me home
Away with my music my sagging spirit
My nations mourns for all the deaths
But it doesn’t move
Shake us all
So that we may live as brothers
Show us all how it feels when your son doesn’t return home
When you just know that he is not well
Don’t know if he is dead or hurt
We sympathize but never empathize
Curse but never redress
We don’t even see others’ ‘grief
What if we were a part of it?
Am I not now?
So numb, dormant and indifferent
Would this stone ever move?
Or will it when it sees everyone else down in blood
Your ignorance’s fruit
What are we here for?
Sit back and watch the sea of death and demise and condole
Wouldn’t you move my nation?
We are liberated, independent
But not yet alive

turning point

2010-06-10T10:16:00.001-07:00

This is my turning point on my journey
Where I have to turn, bend
They say that it is the way
For that is the way everyone takes
It is the road that has been beaten up by every foot
No stone left unturned
Yet no one dares to walk the other way
This is the turning point
Which would turn my life
From mine to theirs
Transfer its identity to match the mob
It is no more an entity
Lose its gravity to walk on the ground
The way everybody does
This is my turning point
Which will bend me until
I break

losers' paradise

2010-06-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

Welcome to losers’ paradise
Where everybody is alike
Long faces, pumpkin expression
Anger frustration
Dejection and pity
Under confidence, no confidence
Tears, fears
Blue purple black
Blank shameful dark
No one thinking anything except
That moment of fiasco
The tape stuck on that scene
No one knows who is sitting next
The one who does sees the worst
One from nowhere stood up
‘what have we lost that we are in so much pain?’
(Unanimous unspoken voices- what not?)
Cuz no pain no gain
So welcome to losers’ paradise
Where losing is a game
We all are shameless winners

Lend me a drop of tear

2010-04-25T13:36:00.000-07:00

Lend me a drop of tear
I need to cry
Break this silence
It’s a pain
That only I can feel
Now I want to break down
It’s too heavy to keep within
I’ll give up my pride
I can’t stride
With blind thoughts
And blinding vision
It’s difficult to cry
What if I do?
Afraid to fall
For I’ll never get up
Too willing to implode and get buried
Under my debris of sorrow
Is there a drop of tear I can borrow?
Now they are drying
Spirit of meaning
Is there a drop of tear I can borrow?
To burry my sorrow
Let their ghost explain the pain
Or will the tears go in vain?

where do i begin?

2010-01-10T10:36:00.000-08:00

As the world moves round
Around me
The clock moves around
Sages preach the art of living
I sit and listen
Inspired
Afraid to perspire
But I am still tired
I read history of great men
Too impressed
Still feeling suppressed
Yes, too many here are depressed
It’s so futile
The roads so beaten up
Dreams so clichéd
Yours and mine
Differ yet meet
At the end of the road
Few reach
Others preach
Where do I begin?
How do I end?
It’s not out of your reach
it’s from where it all begins
The answer lies within

burried myself

2009-07-21T22:37:00.000-07:00

Now in the coffin
where it’s only me
no one to even mourn
I mourn with remorse
am I so worthless?
Or am I denied of my worth?
Am I alive
or as good as dead?
Should I live
or hide in the coffin?
To hide myself
should I grieve or go numb?
Dig inside to find myself
or keep digging to find more dirt?
Light a candle and see light
or burn myself
till my ashes disappear?

I fell so worthless
my veins shrink with shame
I’ll never be the same
now it’s given me a new name
but as I sit here in the coffin
I realize, I’d better lie down there
so that no one can find me anywhere

pray, my love

2009-07-21T22:20:00.000-07:00

Pray, please
somebody save my love
he is dying in my brutal love
I love you too much
You loved me a little less
I held your arms...
Didn’t know
they'd leave scars...
I kissed u...
not knowing they'll burn you
I clenched to you
when you'd begin to go
I tore my heart to show
my love inside
oh, I realize now, it was only mine
not ours
pray, please
my love is dying
stop! the gruesome me is unleashing
to tear his heart to see if there was ever any love
pray , my lord
my love, talk to me
I haven’t killed u yet
wont you?
Look at me
am I so unworthy?
Pray, my love, save me
I’ll save you
pray my love...
Love me
I still love you...

inject my pain

2009-07-02T09:26:00.000-07:00

shivering with fear
ignorant of my state
crumbling with shame that’s too great
those holes in my veins
show me the hollowness
that i have carved
for 3 months
i let the elixir feed on me
consume a part of me
it was ecstasy
now, it is but fantasy
i was locked behind the cell of delusion
now i know, it is not even as gracious as an illusion
i tried to forget myself
surrendering myself
to my almighty in the bottle
locking myself behind the dark steel bars
to serve a sentence of numbness
the needle of syringe
gave me new blood
that ruled my nerves
i was soaked in the blood
of this painless pain
mourning for the disgrace i have become
my stomach groped
can i get one more doze?

laconic indolence

2009-07-02T09:16:00.000-07:00

this emptiness is beyond my understanding
its too empty to mean a thing
solemnly pitying my stance
that embodies the crucified heart
tears fail to drown the misery
they just make it more unexplainable
satanic curses fill my ears
yet, they too cry tears
for there is no meaning for this fear
given up the only life
giving into living without life
how can time fly
its frozen
indolence denudes it
inside there is a larva of blood
wanting to flow
to wash this futility
ripe this cesspool of ugly graffiti

CLOSING NOTE

2009-06-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

read this when i am only a jar of ashes
i just wish i was there to see
how much you cried
when you saw that i was gone
but if i did
i wouldn't have been in bliss then
without answering your question
WHY?
i don’t have an answer
i don’t have answers
for all the questions life was asking me
i didn’t see life
i wanted to see it dead
i took the knife
but i put it down
it was yours
i can't even die
the thought was killing me
i took the gun
i can't even afford a bullet
'what a pity!' mocked my life
starvation was killing me
but it didn’t help me die
why?
Cry
i tied a rope around my neck
it was hurting
what if i was alive to see myself die?
so i took the poison
it refused to go down my throat
into my begging stomach
i dissolved it with the potion of your love and hate
it gulped my life with ease
do cry for me once, truly, please

everybody-hate me

2009-05-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

i see an ugly face in the mirror

that hates to see me

i hate you, i hate me

do hate me

slap the cheek

oh, i hate it, it’s a sin

spit on the face ,

help, is there no grace

i hate to be me

i wish no one could see me

no one should be me

baptize me

oh no, i am a pagan

i have no Christ

i have no church

now m in a search

for a mask

for no one should see

this ugly skin

am such a filthy din

no face, only grimace

cant face my face

cant face my fate

how long will i wait

to meet my fate

burn my face

with an acid and glare

spread the ashes on holy grave

and let them see my ugly gaze

change my name

i can’t be me

i can’t show no mercy

if its only on me

take me

2009-05-22T21:48:00.001-07:00

come here, look through me

do u see a heart?

do u see a soul?

or a decaying body?

m alive, can you hear me?

m divine, do u know me?

talk to me, you'll know all

m your gift, take me

if u don't like me, throw me

don't throw me

feed me, I've starved enough

touch me, I've been numb all this while

lets walk.. m no more lame

m your gift, take me

give me a name, I've never had one..

hurt me, cuz I've never cried

smile at me, I'll smile back, I've never smiled

come here, i am alive

can you hear me??

my prayer's fate

2009-04-30T13:00:00.000-07:00

Where does the prayer that i send go?
to the air so thin
or the lord i can’t see

is it heard or dismissed as unworthy?
or is my prayer scared to speak its purpose?
the eyes look out for a company
to find if there is a purpose for it to blink
my sanity rethinks its futility
my insanity relishes its penance with gaiety

my prayer flies with wings of hope
the beam of the envious sun cuts them
to see the prayer fall on earth
that already has many a dead
the rain knows that pain
for the sun celebrates its defeat too
with the rainbow
the rain knows that pain
it sheds tears on the dead prayer
performs its last rites

light and broken

2009-04-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

I am light, I am broken
I am happy, but I am breaking
Corroding easily
Meekly
I am numb, comfortably
I am dragging myself to a nowhere
I can’t see that there is life everywhere
It fails to show up in front of me
I am in ease
Because the pain in me
Vents by oozing blood when it dissects me
Bit by bit
Unknowingly
It’s given me anesthesia
Before it ate my heart away
And I am numb,
I don’t even realize
I am hallucinated
Hallucination of hope
That will betray me
My heart is raped
But it’s light
Still beating, bleeding
For some reason unknown

nightblindness

2009-04-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

I sleep to forget my fears
My fears that keep me awake for nights
I lie to find myself among the dead
I close my eyes to go blind
But then my eyes see the hell unleash itself
I grip my hands to pray
But the prayer corrodes in this air of uncertainty
There is a word stuck in my throat
That fears to come out
What if it came out only to be swallowed?
What if it came out only to find itself alone in the darkness?
The word is ‘help’
That is so helpless
I lie prostrate to dig someone who can give company
I am scared to look at either side
I wrap myself in a blanket
Like a shroud
Yet I am barely protected
I burry myself inside it
Yet I feel so naked
I shut my eyes to go bind
But I can see the grim reaper approaching
I breathe in
But I am scared to breathe out
What if my assassin finds me?
The next day I learnt
I am my own vicarious assassin

sleeping in me

2009-03-24T06:57:00.000-07:00

i stood there to say goodbye
not knowing you were going forever
even your smile promised me
that it would see me again
but your shadow told me that you were going away, forever
you asked me to breathe instead
leaving you in me
you chose to leave this world
to find a better place for us to live together
but you didn’t tell me where you were going
i don’t know where you are
neither do i know where i am
all i know of you is the you in me
that is lying asleep
sleep of the night that shall never cease
you were lying blue
i stood there next to you
i tried to breathe
even when i was smothered
hoping to bring you to life
i held your hand
hoping the warmth warms you
but you lied cold there
i thought you were alive
i still could see you
still could feel you
i wept
hoping it moves you
you lied cold and blue
i wish i could join my heart to yours
and pump blood
for you are in me
i lied beside you
and spoke to you
of all those happy days
just to wake you
but you lied motionless, dead
i could hear my echo
saying i love you
it faded away
that’s when i realized
you had died next to me

2009-03-24T06:48:00.000-07:00

sometime you feel so low
like never before
as if fallen from zenith
doesn’t take a moment
to lose everything
all that was earned
all that was yours
it breaks, shatters you
burns the 'you' in you
shows you the bitter true picture
brings you to reality
shows the meaning lurking behind the curtains
just to take over the stage and dance
the most cruel feast in front of you
you are the only one in the audience
and your story being enacted
but you are not a part of it
its not in your hands
the play doesn’t end
it won’t show you light
but show nuances, all that was missed
from being caged to crucified
from being loved and hated by the same
from being me to only me
all is dramatized

life is a stage, we are no actors
just mere spectators

falling apart

2009-02-28T05:06:00.000-08:00

m falling apart,
my brain being butchered
my heart being stamped,
soul being looked down at
what’s left in me?
sorrows and tears
who wants it anyways
yet people think m rich they come to borrow some
how do i look?

blissful??
m empty
bereaved of my sanity
orphaned at soul
m standing still
cuz i don’t know where to go
i dare not keep a step forward
what lies there, m scared
people crowding around push me
to a somewhere i don’t want to be
even if they are humane,
i don’t believe it
cuz they showed their stone hard heart
a while back
come on!
now u come to condole
for a death u caused

drowning in your lies

2009-02-18T03:52:00.000-08:00

m drowning in your sea of lies
that u said was a lake of love
u fed me with the potion of your bitter lies
n i grew listening to your lullaby of lies
that put me to deep sleep
wake i never could
from that sleep until
the lies crushed me
u saw yourself in the mirror - so full of lies
but when the mirror didn’t lie
u said it did
u spoke the lies so truthfully
i didn’t believe in the truth
i thought u were the truth
u coated those lies with syrup of deceptive sweetness
that made me comatose
m drowning i your sea of lies
that u said was the pond of trust
trust i did, but on you
the mirror cracked
ashamed to see you in it
but u said u broke it
for it lied to you
i built my mountain of trust on you
kept you at its tip
i didn’t understand the truth- the lies
couldn’t even ask ' why me??'
but hate myself for being the fooled
i kept you at the mountains tip
but u pushed me down to the sea
m drowning in your sea of lies
and drinking your spirited lies
it nourished my bond with you
but you let me drown in your sea of lies
that does not even have a drop of truth

poisonous elixir

2009-02-12T21:32:00.000-08:00

i drink d elixir
which is poison
its sweet,
its quenching
the thirst of my fears
its a fuel for my heart to pump..
pump the blood full of sin
to liven the artery..
in which my fate runs
it flows astringent on the wounds
that burns like acid
it moistens the corpse to spread decay
it sprinkles life
life to dormant worms of gloom
it blooms flowers
flowers of hemp
and ripe them into wine of hemlock
i drink the saccharine elixir
which is a cure for my sickness
i drink the omened elixir
which kills my disease with me
i drank the thirsty elixir
that quenched its thirst for my death

tenacious illusion

2009-01-31T05:32:00.000-08:00

I love you
That’s all I wanted to say
But now I have more than words to give you
I have been waiting for you so long
That you will come someday
Where have you been
Didn’t you ever see me
Oh! you never knew me
But I had all these time
Been thinking of you
Fancied you
Dreamt of you n me
Happy together forever
How nice it used to feel you know
Even now
The memories tingle
Sweet n kindling
But u never knew it
Nor do u know how deep you have reached…within me
I always thought of your lill smile.. then I was under a spell…
Lost n rapt
Doped in your memories
I never could come out of it
Nor did I ever want to….
I knew you were never mine…
I still do..
But still I couldn’t stop myself
Some foolish hope in me never dies
It says magics happen
Though it shall never
But I get convinced
I wanted to
So I didn’t resist

Its overtaken me
I have lost myself deep in
Its insane
I can never understand
Its an illusion
That’s fooling me

But I don’t mind being one for you
I have walked the lonely road with you
A thousand times
U never spoke
Cuz u were never there
I was a paranoid
I jabbered and blabbed all the way…
To empty air
.. but I can’t blame you
Come on! You don’t even know me
I have felt you next to me on my bed
I have curled in your arms so many times
You have whispered in my ears so many times’ I love you’

But u never heard me
When I touched you
You never felt me
M I mad
I must be
I asked you
You never said anything

You just left me
Leaving me alone in..
My world

(didn’t even say good bye)

insight overview

2008-11-01T23:58:00.000-07:00

today, i once again stand on the lonely road, in the shadows, hiding away from light.. this
often happens with me...i don’t know why?? But it’s the only time when my brains think.. it
functions, tries to find out the meaning of life , the purpose r the lack of it...but then..
i never come to a conclusion...it just keeps circling round and round.. n m at the same
position once again... i don’t feel good about myself. Actually.. i don’t feel good about
anything...its full of self hatred.. Glutting me.. it’s like a kid sitting in the corner of
a dark room..face down n hiding away.. in owns own shell of complete vacuum..Hoping some1
will come and rescue, bring some air along to help me breathe again n live.. but then.. the
moment i see some1 around.. i wipe away those tears, put a fake smile.. a disguising
mask...n pretend to be just fine.. no one notices my inside.. my bleeding heart..should i be
happy r sad about it?? don’t know.. you feel so worthless.. so heavy with your own weight , u
just can’t get up..it pulls u like a magnet, the strongest , it buries u.. but u still don’t
die. but u cry. my brain cant perceive anything.. it’s like a beheaded man..walking..how?
why? .. no clue..lifeless??... can’t really say.. not actually understand.. since a lifeless
shall never come to life again.. unlike me. d dawn does break in my world too..but it just
makes me a fool.. it knows it’s easy making me 1... when m buried.. people come and
mourn..place a bouquet n go.. not noticing that m alive.. the heart is beating.. "may d soul
rest in peace" they say...i wish they said- may the heart die and vanish away.. leaving no
trace behind.. like it never did when alive.....

immortal words

2008-10-11T23:34:00.000-07:00

the words that go unspoken
are the one that actually speak
the one that u really meant louder
could be obscure
could be bandy
they come direct from the core , raw
and crave to be heard
but gets buried deep in a grave
but still haunting your mind
some hide it to be seen
some not to hurt others
some just don’t get the right word to bang the feel out
the feeling is like a blob of emotions
soon may become a blot
but it may just keep u in the dumps
so wake up
do count on them
but don’t kill them
cuz they are meant to be herd
being blunt is no sin
at least its not that sharp
i know i shouldn’t be saying them
cuz me is the 1st one to do it
but a wise advise
don’t be me
cuz i know how good it is not to be me
just blurt out what u don’t want to
cuz these are soon forgotten, forgiven
and in the end leaves u in ease
may be not that easy
do make an effort
make sure u r not blacking out someone else’s emotions
be wise with your words
even a dumb has his own language
so why let yourself in blues
or show invisible with blues
so don’t be dumb
cuz dumb words immortal