John Burkholder

It has Been a While

2023-07-08T09:32:00.005-05:00

I am a bit at a loss of what is next.

I started going down the road of making a new company. Then the big push from AI came and made me evaluate what I should do next. The company idea was to fulfill a hole in how cloud release management was done. But after doing some prompting in Google Bard, I figured out it was about to pre-empt that business line.

So I focused on my existing job to make new policies and processes for web design and integrating AI into some of our processes. This seems to be a good thing as we are finding more and more use for Microsoft Syntex, ChatGPT, and others.

In my personal life, I finally figured out how to relax, and even get healthier without changing my eating habits or exercising. It was a lot easier than people think. I just eat less, and take a multi-vitamin. So far, I feel better moving around, and the unfortunate side effect, I keep needing to pull up my pants and tighten my belt. I fear stepping on the scale, so that isn't going to happen. Assuming my clothes are an indicator, the progress is good.

My household finances are also doing OK. After taking work trips and visiting children, we racked up some debt, but we have a plan to bring it back down and we should be fine. The inflation rate hasn't helped my family since my pay increases haven't kept up with inflation, but we are looking at ways to combat that with some supplemental income. Don't know what that is yet... but that is the plan.

Today is a rainy day. As a pluviophile, it really makes me happy when the temperature is warm and the rain is creating that petrichor scent I love so much. My garden (yes, I have a garden now) shoots up after each rainfall with hopes of new grapes, blackberries, raspberries and strawberries sprouting this fall. My wife's vegetable and herb garden climbs each bamboo trellis as the sun peaks out from the clouds. The flowers in the front of the house display petals of red, yellow, and white.

On rainy days, I grab a book, sit in my recliner with my window open and soak it all in. My blood pressure drops... and I am content.

This brings me to my conflict: Do I want to be involved in the supplemental income part if I find that the peace I have found is what is bringing me back to humanity? I don't need the supplemental income, I'd just like having that nest egg being built and the security in case it is needed. I have enjoyed my new relaxation methods. I enjoyed learning how to do ceramics last winter. I enjoy doing Yelp reviews of the family restaurants in my area. I enjoy reading a good book. Where I used to enjoy making a company, I finally discovered the other side of humanity where you enjoy it and not working all the time.

Anyway, those are my ramblings, Bye!

Divided or United We Stand

2023-03-09T09:14:00.005-06:00

I watch technology all the time. I see where it is going, how it can help people in their lives and in business, and how it can be used to harm humans. Right now, we have some humans fighting change as much as possible and some pushing for progress. It divides not only our country, but even the lowest levels of community.

A good friend of mine lives in a very small town in central Illinois and he observes the push back to the times of Jim Crow laws, lower educational standards, and "heal thy self" mentality and struggles to understand why they dismiss science when they use that same science to get better crops in the field, drive that new pick-up truck with all of the creature comforts included, and purchase their flags to show how much they wish to support a traitorous regime from the 19th century.

It is the other side... the science-driven, cancer-solving, social structure that are pushing toward a singularity. Even with the continuous advancements to making things happen like DNA resequencing, nanotechnology, room temperature superconductors, nuclear fusion, and advance artificial intelligence like ChatGPT, the humans in the United States haven't figured out how to make a political and social structure that put all of this in a checks and balances system, while using parts of it to promote social and human welfare.

The left are too slow though... the political right is making state laws based on close-minded, discriminatory practices behind the veil of religious law. Books are being outlawed. Jim Crow laws are being reenacted. People are being outlawed based on their gender. Gay marriages are being prevented if the officiant doesn't agree. Gerrymandering being upheld in courts. This push from the right is a key factor in the new Divided States of America. The judicial rulings from the Supreme Court only propagate it.

What happens next? Where does all of this end up? Will we have secessions? Will technology advance enough to circumvent the movement from the right?

Let's look a history before we get too far. When Trump took office, the Republican House and Senate tried to shut down the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare). When the people figured out what is was and how it affected them, both the people from the right and the left made sure the representatives knew how it impacted them and let their voices be heard. Independent survey data reflected all of this but the members of Congress on the right tend to ignore that type of data. It took flooded phone banks, mass snail and e-mailings, and protests to finally get them to shut down the plan to cut Obamacare. Instead, they just lowered the government subsidy to make it cost more.

This movement of the people as a whole can be done if they are given something and the right tries to take it away. But the right is using a strategy that has worked well for them during the Trump administration... flooding the media with too much at once. This is actually a clever practice. What is the best place to hide a book? In the library. How can you make yourself disappear digitally? Make yourself everywhere all at once. Finding the one data shadow in a sea of nothing is easy. Finding the one data shadow in a sea of data shadows is hard.

Basically, the right is making state laws restricting human rights all at the same time, buried in a plethora of other laws restricting human rights. They are telling corporations that the interpretation of the laws can create a lawsuit if the company doesn't comply too.

So what will happen with technology during all of this? States that lean left already have a lead with technology companies. But with the new division of political ideologies, and human rights restrictions being levied by the states, any company wanting to expand will likely choose a different state that better meets their mission statement (tax haven or not). They don't want to set up mouse prints in a state like Florida just for Florida to make laws to restrict everything that makes Disney what it is.

This means left states are going to pick up more technology advancement companies. State laws will be created to help with the advancement while creating a checks and balance for those advancements. The GDP for that state will continue to grow, while the GDP for the right states will continue to fall. The chasm will grow until the Divided States of America finally creates the secession we all tried to avoid. We will still have some commerce oversight, but it will be more like an EU than a Federal entity. This is not a worst case scenario. This is just one scenario.

The other scenario is: The left leaning states help the right leaning states advance their social welfare across the board through technology and non-profits. The people in those right states are given a generational step up, and when those rights and welfare systems are again attempted to be shut down by politicians, the people make their voice heard once again. This is a United States of America. This is a movement that helps all boats rise. This is the America I want.

Behcets as an Adult

2023-01-27T17:44:00.004-06:00

It wasn't until I found out my birth mother had Behcets that I could finally put all of the pieces together of what I have dealt with all my life. Behcets is a rare disease that may or may not be genetic. In my case, it is. My birthmother had it, I have it, one (possibly more) child has it. For me, I have shown symptoms throughout my life. It most commonly shows in puberty, but I suspect they will find the genetic version is life long.

This week, I had the worst flare-up I have had in a very long time. I have counted 3 mouth ulcers around the teeth and gums, and one nasty bastard right by the vocal cords in my throat. Talking is an impossibility. Accompanying this round is joint pain. That means the few stairs I need to climb become more of an effort.

Anyway, I hope you all are staying healthy. I hope this all goes away soon.

Goodbye Twitter

2022-12-18T08:11:00.000-06:00

I signed up for Twitter on December 3, 2009. Today I closed my account. I was very hesitant to do so but after thinking long and hard about whether I felt the platform was the right place for me, without moderation, with a rapidly dissolving corporate hierarchy, I felt it was time to move on. But to where? Mastodon? Hive? Post? I can't just join all of them and companies like Microsoft, Salesforce, and my local governments haven't adopted another platform. So back to when it was "harder" to contact them.

"Harder"... Like picking up the phone to call a human being. Yes, the human is now often a computer. Yes, now the company doesn't have a physical phone, but the point is, many of them have some way to contact them directly instead of through a social media platform. But "harder" could mean it is mentally harder for you to make a phone call. It could also mean your preferred asynchronous method of communication that allows for you time to think about your response is now synchronous. "Harder" may mean instead of a quick 160 character message of frustration, it is an entire blog entry on Blogger knowing it will receive maybe 6 views from family members.

I am already on TikTok and YouTube (mostly as a lurker), and I shut down my Facebook already. I know TikTok has issues as well, but since I don't use it as a community and use it more like a TV, I figured one-way content was good enough. I still have Instagram and LinkedIn. Instagram is just a portfolio of photos and LinkedIn is my professional network.

What other options are there? Yeah, I could populate more in my YouTube channel. But if you saw me on camera, you'd probably think otherwise. This is also why I don't post anything on TikTok. I tried... and when I went back later to look at something, I startled myself and later deleted the videos. Yeah, yeah... self-deprecating is not pretty, but sometimes you just can't help it.

Anyway, I will be back here for a while.

Asking for a Friend

2022-07-23T19:45:00.000-05:00

What have I done? Why am I doing this?

Over the past 7 years, I have been a manager of platforms, people, and knowledge. Prior to that, #management has always been part of the job, but not the entire job. When I became a manager I was told to "make a choice... you can't do both."

Now that I have been doing it, I understand why they said it. Being an effective manager means you aren't building it, fixing it, or maintaining it. You help your people gain the knowledge, resources, and communications necessary to succeed.

But what kind of impact has that had on me personally? Yeah... there is the rub. I don't like it. As an architect, developer, or engineer, you build things. You have a solid result. I would have built a new website and I could show someone I built that. I created a new software, I can show it. I built a new network operations center and could show how it was effective in preventing issues before they happened.

As a manager or director, your people is your result. You took the help desk person and taught them about system administration, software development, and project management so they can be promoted to a full-time project manager job they love. The thing is, they did all the work, I just guided them. I have nothing to show anyone. Then there are those complicated employee issues that keep you up at night because you want to help the person and provide them guidance, but they may not listen or want the guidance. Then there is the rough times when you have to lay people off, or let them go. Those are the times I hate.

So what do you do? Do you keep at it and try to make positive change in a job you get so little dopamine out of, or do you try to find your happiness outside of work and keep drudging through the day?

#askingforafriend

Data Protection and Privacy

2021-08-19T08:09:00.002-05:00

A few days ago, T-Mobile announced a data breach consisting of Social Security numbers, drivers license information, and credit cards for over 40 million people. I was a Sprint member until T-Mobile purchased Sprint and all of my customer information was assimilated into their terrible data protection system. No, this is not the first time T-Mobile had a breach and you'd think they would buckle down and strengthen their network to avoid such things.

This is not the first time my data has been breached. Equifax, Target, and smaller company like the parking app used around Chicago. This begs me to ask, when are we going to fix this? First, we need to take data protection and privacy seriously. The social security number you have was not intended for credit reporting. There aren't enough safeguards in the system to protect the money you have invested in social security once a person has your number, and all of the items found on your drivers license.

Your drivers license and identification should not be stored in some non-government database. In the European Union, there are laws to protect a persons personal information and if at any time that person wants the data deleted, the company hosting it must delete it. Additionally, there are rules as to what can be stored without encryption as to prevent critical information from being exposed.

Punishments need to be effective. Companies like Target, Equifax, and now T-Mobile have had slaps on the wrists, and legal suits filed against them, but this is not nearly enough. Companies holding this type of information should be required to have and report high intensity security scanning to show where problems within the organizations data protection systems are, and report to a government agency how they are resolving them and when.

Additionally, T-Mobile did not need to store you driver's license information at all. Their response so far has been to offer 2 years of credit monitoring to each person affected just like Equifax and Target did. This is not even close to enough. The class action suits filed against them also provide no relief. The amount of time, effort, paperwork, and frustration tied to having someone steal your identity is well beyond 2 years of credit monitoring and the possibility of $100 from a class action lawsuit. This bullshit of too big to fail is also wrong. When you jeopardize 40 million people's social security income because you decide to store the personally identifiable information from a drivers license with the record, you should feel what the 40 million people feel.

Lastly, do you as a citizen even know where your data is and who has is? Do you know where your social security number is stored? Do you know how many places you have loaded your birthday, telephone number, and address? How many places have your credit card information? Who last accessed your medical records? This is a much bigger problem than just credit reporting and we need a major change.

Who has the best best digital system in the world? Believe or not, Estonia. I invite you to look up the Netflix show "Connected". Besides being a really great series, The episode called Clouds (at the 23;30 marker) shows how a truly digital society can be made, and made securely. I highly suggest watching. To follow up on that, CNBC has a YouTube video diving into the digital transformation.

In the past, America has always stayed on the technology forefront. But this isn't the case for the legislation and data protection and privacy associated to the citizens. Something has to be done and we need to let our representatives know, it needs to be done right now. Please feel free to copy and paste whatever you like from this post and send it to your representatives.

Look up you House representative or Senate representative and let them know now.

Memorable Art

2021-04-21T18:17:00.001-05:00

I rarely make mistakes. I am one of those people who checks out every move, option or path before committing to a decision. As my wife puts it, "It isn't often you make a mistake, but when you do, it is epic."

My wife had been writing letters to my adult children for a few months. I'm more of a texting dad but decided it was time to give my wife a run for her Parent of the Year trophy. I planned everything out so perfectly, it was going to be heartfelt, memories, they would keep with them for all time...because my competitive nature with my wife runs deep.

During lunch one day, I decided to walk over the the Art Institute of Chicago to get some ideas for my artsy children. I walked through each gallery looking at the paintings, taking some photos, and reading each plaque explain who the artist was and if there was some sort of story involved. Many of them didn't match the personality for each. Portraits were just dead people on canvas, the sculptures (although incredible to create) aren't really something I would send to them. Looking back, I laugh because it isn't like I could afford something like that to begin with.

No, I decided it needed to be something that reminded me of their childhood. There were 3 such paintings that made me think of them:

The Song of the Lark by Jules Adolphe Breton (1884)

This reminds me of my eldest child as she seems to always be looking into the darkness ready to take on whatever comes at her. She is truly the pioneer who is willing to do the hard work to get things done.

Terrace and Observation Deck at the Moulin de Blute-Fin, Montmartre by Vincent van Gogh (1887)

There are a couple reasons for this painting. First, my second daughter's favorite painting growing up was Starry Night by van Gogh. At one point, everything in her bedroom had to be associated to Starry Night. Sheets for the bed, umbrella, she had it all. But the spending her early years on the Maryland beach, I felt this painting specifically hit that specific memory of boating and fishing in the bay in Ocean City. It was always fun seeing that light reflecting off her face even on the colder fall days.

Nighthawks by Edward Hopper (1942)

My younger child and I would explore new restaurants and diners ahead of the rest of the family. This would be our special day out. When we found those special places we would sometimes bring the family back, and sometimes we would keep it to ourselves. This would be one of those diners we would keep to ourselves.

So stealing these paintings and mailing them off to my children may be a bit disruptive to the museum, and it may get me arrested. Plan B... the gift shop.

After spending entirely too long moving from knick-knack to prints, I settled on postcards. These postcards meant I could write that extra edge to open their hearts to dear old Dad. I selected the cards and made my way back to the cashier to check out.

"I am sending these to my kids." I volunteered to the checkout person who smiled and couldn't care less.

"Good Dad..." I whispered back to myself after seeing no affirmation of my activity was coming.

After returning to my office, I promptly pulled out the post cards and began scribbling my well thought out words of enlightenment and tear-jerking memories. I thought about the old days when you had to purchase "postcard" stamps for postcards. So after work, I decided it makes more sense to go directly to the post office in my neighborhood after getting off the bus.

As planned, I went straight to the post office, stood in line for about 15 minutes before coming to the counter to get my stamps. "Three postcard stamps please." Of course, I didn't have cash. I handed the clerk my card to charge the $1.05 charge for the stamps. She eyed me like I had given her the ring from Lord of the Rings.

After receiving my stamps and receipt, I walked to one of the stands to place the stamps on the postcards, applied them and walked over to the mail drop and placed them inside.

Later that night, laying in bed going over my day with my wife. I explained how I went to the Art Institute of Chicago to get something memorable for the kids, how I wrote cute messages to the kids and purchased the postcard stamps.

My wife was satisfyingly surprised, appreciating all of the special work I put into the project and looked appropriately impressed. "How did you get their addresses?" Seeing my brain stutter to a halt and my body frozen in shock, she burst out in laughter.

I had forgotten to put addresses on the post cards. I hope the people in dead mail like their art.

Fictional First Date

2021-04-21T18:17:00.000-05:00

Even the most experienced house remodeler can be surprised by what the world has to provide it. Tearing apart the 1990s version of a kitchen was more work than she expected. The cabinets were screwed directly into the studs and the electrical was placed in locations that didn't make any sense for the modern kitchen. So instead of just replacing the cabinets, Alex demolished to the studs.

That is when Alex noticed the envelope. An unmarked stationery sealed with a gold sticker on the back. Even though it sat in the wall for decades, it appears to be in good condition and oddly enough, waiting for someone to find and open it. As she reached down to pull the envelope, she also noticed a small wristlet hanging from a nail next to the envelope.

Walking back to her couch, Alex grabs a wine goblet and the bottle of Merlot to sit down and open the envelope. After pouring herself a healthy glass, she peals back the sticker and opens the envelope. Taking another sip, she unfolds the letter.

Greetings,

You found me. I placed this in the wall on August 12, 1993. The wristlet next to this is part of an adventure. If you are up for it, I think this could be fun and you may end up learning something about where you live...or find the writer of this letter.

Alex paused to take another sip from her glass. "Is this a scavenger hunt? Where are we going with this?"

This is a date. I personally don't date much and even if I did, I have very specific requirements. So, now you have a choice...will you go on a date with me, or will you just read the entire contents and/or throw it away? If you decide to read the entire contents, you will need to wear appropriate attire: Casual pants like jeans, something besides a printed t-shirt, and appropriate weather gear for tomorrow. This will be an all day adventure and you will need transit fare...so yes, for now, we are going Dutch.

If you'd like to accept my date, turn to the next page tomorrow morning.

Alex sat there and thought about it. Since she hasn't dated in quite some time, and is only looking forward to running new electrical tomorrow, she decided to see this one out. She has the entire week off from work for doing the renovation to the kitchen, but why not go ahead and see this through. Sure, why not?

The next morning, Alex prepares for her big date. Putting on her best jeans, a light blue button down shirt, and light jacket for the late Spring air, she grabs the envelope, and is ready to begin.

Thanks for continuing on. I am not going to tell you my name yet. Since this is a first date, I'd like to have you get to know me before I get to know you. If after all of this, you want to know me, the wristlet will be the key.

"Oh, Crap! I forgot the wristlet!" As Alex jumps up to go get the wristlet laying on her nightstand. She stands at the door and is ready to continue.

You want to take transit to the Loop area. Feel free to start you journey.

"OK, Keys, Wallet, Purse, and Phone." Alex says to herself as she steps out the door for the 1/2 block walk to the bus stop to go downtown. Once seated on the bus, she continues reading.

I love this area of Hyde Park. For years, it has been a historical element of Chicago with the University of Chicago and the Columbian Exposition. For me though, I was a student. I spent my entire childhood downstate in a small town and to finally be accepted at one of the best Universities in the country was fantastic...and a lot of pressure. After 3 years though, I figured out that music was the wrong path for me. I have always been into music. I love music. But if I wanted a career, music was not going to be stable enough. Anyone tied to music was also tied to the labels like Virgin or MCA. So I decided to switch. I switched to computers. These are cutting edge and I hope they continue to grow. While finishing out my degree, I started writing software to try to solve some of the world's problems... well, at least I hope. This change seems to be pretty good. I started my own company and we are off to a good start. That is when I bought the house you discovered the letter in.

I love Lake Shore Drive. In a world where there is a constant hustle and bustle, it is like a breath of fresh air to me.

Alex pauses to look out the window at the sun reflecting off the blue water.

If it weren't for the fact I have to make money, I would probably spend all of my time watching the waves lap onto the rocks and sand.

Oh, by the way, you will be going to Wabash and Washington Street.

Pick this back up when you arrive.

Alex looks up to discover the stop she needed has already arrived. She disembarks and walks to Macy's at Wabash and Washington. As soon as she read the intersection, she knew exactly where she was going. But this time, she is seeing it through a slightly different lens. She is imagining all of the walk over as if it was 1993.

After walking into the front door, Alex stood in one of the intersections and opened the letter.

You are looking for the tourist information desk. Once you get there, tell them you have a special request to see the tunnels. There is a business card in the envelope with Ken's name on it.

Alex digs out the Marshall Fields card with the name Ken written on it. This is unlike any business card she had ever seen as the name only says "Ken". On the back there is a gold star sticker and the letters "IOU" with what looks like a signature of Ken.

Ken is a bit old, but hopefully, this card still works.

Alex shows the card to the woman sitting behind the information desk.

The woman smiles and says "oh, that's an old one". She picks up her phone and calls Ken to let him know he has to come to the desk.

Ken is a shorter, balding man who looks to be well into his 80s. He looks at the card, and looks at Alex. His grins a huge smile and says "this is my last one." He pulls out a one wrapped, and one unwrapped and well worn ball caps from under the desk and hands the wrapped new ball cap to Alex. "Put this on and we will be on our way."

"On our way to what?" Alex asks.

"This is my last tour!" Ken states with a smile. "I have continued to worked here for 60 years and I made a promise to stopped only after the last IOU was collected."

Stunned by the statement that this is the last of what appears to be many tours, Alex smiles and says "let's go then."

Ken leads Alex to the art deco style elevator banks and pushes the button for the top floor. "We will start at the top and work down."

While the elevator lifts them the 9 stories, Alex goes back to the letter.

I am not sure if Ken is still there, he was not terribly young today, but someone should know about the card. If you are on the tour, stop reading until the end.

Ken takes Alex through the entire building from the top to the bottom. All along the way, people greet Ken as he waves and says "last one!" All the time Ken is explaining the story of the building, Marshall Fields life, and how he changed department stores. He discussed how the architecture was designed in a Chicago format, and how women were not only the primary shoppers, but the primary workers. He talked about how much in sales the store would make and how clothes originally were made on site.

Alex was fascinated, but all of the facts, and information Ken had. He really had been here his entire adult life.

On the 7th floor, he discussed the Walnut room and the history of all of the balls and banquets. Even how during Christmas, one of the largest trees in Chicago was on this very floor in this very room.

Alex had seen the Walnut Room during the holidays and it was truly a beautiful sight.

After exiting the Walnut Room, Ken stopped at the Frango mints area, grabbed a box and opened them. He grabbed one and offered the box to Alex to grab one. Ken looked over at the cashier and said "Last day."

The cashier nodded and jotted something down on a notepad.

"OK, let continue, we have a long way to go" Ken stated as he closed up the box. They approached another elevator and went down to the next level. Later in the tour, he escorted her into a very large room with a lot of art work. "This is the decorations room."

The decorations room was full of interior and exterior decorations for every season. The horns and garland for Christmas, the Halloweens of years past, and standing in the middle of it all was a huge table.

"It is that table that every window dressing Marshall Fields used was made on. It used to be the busiest room in the building, but now many of the window scenes are brought in from Macy's." You could see a little bit of pain as he says it. "I have been here for so many years, I have seen friends create families, then die. I have seen their children come work here, and grandchildren, and all of this time I just take in the beauty and unique life they breath into this building."

"What happens after this last tour?" Alex asks.

"I finally become the customer." He cheers up after saying. "No more discounts, but I will still enjoy being on the other side of all of this. Today, you are my guest. Everything from that hat to the candy is my treat...really, Macy's treat. It was part of the sale of Marshall Fields."

"Wait, what?" Alex starts to wonder who is the hell Ken really is.

"Yeah, I was one of the major owners of Marshall Fields. So when we decided to sell it, I added this stipulation to the contract." Ken grabs his stuff and head nods Alex toward the door.

As Ken leads Alex through all of the different layers of the building spouting fact after fact, Alex wonders how this is supposed to connect with the writer of the letter.

Finally reaching the bottom of the bottom levels of the building, Ken take Alex to what appears to be the last stop. There on the wall is what looks to be a giant submarine door.

"Well, this is it." Ken says,

Ken then goes on to explain in 1992, the city of Chicago had a huge flood caused by a hole being opened into a giant underground freight train system covering the entire loop of Chicago. This mesh of tunnels moved goods from all over to the stores and printers. "But when some work was being done on the Chicago River, a backhoe popped open the tunnels and caused about $1 Billion in 1992 money worth of damage to the structures all over. So when you walk along the sidewalks of Chicago and see and area of sidewalk that looks like a concrete patch, that is probably an elevator shaft for the tunnels or vents that seem to go down forever... ventilation shaft for the tunnels."

It was then with the artistry of a master magician, he unlocked the locks, and yanked the door open. "This is why we now have a submarine door."

When we stepped in, and he flipped the light switch and it lit up beautifully. There in the middle of the room with 3 tunnels heading in each direction was a small train engine. "Today, we check on the train every so often and make sure everything is still being maintained."

Over on the wall looked to be a bunch of electronic equipment and written in chalk below it was Alex's new address with another envelope sealed in a ziplock bag. Alex immediately left Ken's side and walked over to the envelope.

"Oh, you're that one." Ken grinned.

"Wait, you know the person who left this?"

"Of course. I now know you are on a journey and I am just one stop. That envelope sits there because of that flood I mentioned earlier. The person who helped me resolve our flooding issue, the person responsible for that submarine door, the person responsible for those monitors...that is all the same person. But that is all I am allowed to say." Ken smiles.

Alex opens the ziploc bag and the opens the envelope.

Hello again, adventurer. Well, it seems you found part two. These tunnels are miles long. I used to love coming down here to think before the flood. Everyone else avoided it, but the sounds and shear work involved in making these tunnels always astonished me. As I said, this is to get to know and understand me. I appreciate the history involved in how this city was built. I want to make it better than it was.

If Ken is there, tell him I appreciate him and I am sure I will see him again.

Alex relayed the message to Ken.

"I am sure" he says confidently.

"The letter says I need to down Wabash to Millers. Have you ever been there Ken?"

"I have" Ken responds, "and since it is coming up on lunch, I will walk with you."

As they step out of the room, Ken closes and locks the large submarine door, gently place his hand on the door and says "good girl" in a hushed voice.

The day had warmed up some and the walk to Miller's Pub was as it normally is with people bustling to and from work, "L" trains overhead, and cars vying for parking spaces. All along Ken pointed out the grates in the sidewalk and the depth to the freight tunnels.

Walking into Miller's felt like a 1930s restaurant with dark walls and a huge old bar. After seeing Ken's face, they warmly greeted him and everyone in unison said "Ken!" Clearly, Ken had been here before.

"Last day" Ken responds.

"Congrats! I see you brought a guest. Bar or table?" the Maitre D asks.

"Table bar."

We are walked to our table by the bar. A man behind the bar calls over to Ken and says "Usual?"

"Yes, and for my guest, the same."

Meanwhile, the second letter says she can continue with the first letter. Alex reads on.

Hopefully, you are at your second destination. If so, ask the bartender if Michael is around. If he is, hand him the wooden nickel from the second envelope.

"Are you Michael?" Alex asks the bartender.

He smiles and says, "Yep. You heard of me?"

Alex produces the wooden disk with a Blackhawks logo on one side and a star etching on the other. Underneath is the small signature showing Michael. "I am supposed to hand this to you."

Michael and Ken stare at the wooden nickel in astonishment. Ken looks at Michael and says "Michael, it seems I may have underestimated someone."

Michael still staring at the wooden nickel walks around the bar and lifts if from Alex's hand. "OK, I guess this is it. Ma'am, I'd like to introduce you to someone. Would you please follow me? Ken, I will get your drink shortly."

Michael walks Alex into the kitchen and walks up behind a very tall black man with more muscles than can comfortably fit in a shirt cooking a prime rib. "Hello, Marlon." Alex is only about five feet talk and comparing in height, Marlon looks about two feet taller.

"I don't have time for this Michael. Who is complaining now?" Marlon says with short staccato tones.

"I have a wooden nickel for you." Michael timidly says.

Marlon looks up from his flipping action and dramatically turns around. "Now? Right... Wooden Nickel." I am on it. Marlon calls for another cook to take over his grill.

"Hello Ma'am, I am Marlon."

"Alex. Nice to meet you. I am still unclear as to the purpose of this wooden nickel."

Marlon explains how "a wooden nickel is a currency of favors and barters. Much like bitcoin is a currency without a currency today, the wooden nickle was back in the day. Many of these wooden nickels date back to 1880s. So when is given a wooden nickel, something very special had to be done for it to be given. "

"So Michael gave the wooden nickel to the person who gave it to me" Alex states.

"And now, he has given it to me which is honestly one of the biggest honors I can have." Marlon explains. "So today, I am teaching you the secrets only a select few people know."

Marlon begins by pulling out a bunch of ingredients and laying them out on the stainless steel tables slightly away from the kitchen. He carefully explains all of the ingredients and why he uses them to make his Canadian Baby Back Ribs with Shrimp. After going into detail about the food, preparation and most importantly, time. Rushing certain foods actually makes foods taste bad. Time is the friend...and the enemy of cooking. He explained how everything was not technique, but also artistry.

Then he threw me an apron wrapped in plastic and said "Let's get cooking."

Alex doesn't normally cook. The reason she was updating the kitchen was because it was ugly, not because of it's usefulness. She barely used it. But after listening to Marlon explain how the layout of the kitchen keeps conflicts from happening with as many people in the room, it makes a lot more sense. As she watch Marlon, she learned that the artistry involved is more than just the movement of the hands, but the constant tasting to make sure the seasonings were right.

Marlon is a master chef. He watched, smelled, and timed everything so perfectly that it felt like he was in a constant competition with himself to make the very best meal he could. He plated everything and had the service of the meal sent back to where Ken and I were sitting. "Go eat your meal and come back when you've finished."

As Alex took off the apron to hand it back to Marlon, he said "Nope, that's yours now."

Alex walked out of the kitchen to the bar in a bit of a daze thinking to herself, this is one weird first date.

Sitting down, Ken looked at Alex and smiled. Michael walked back to the table and offered a bottle of Merlot to go with the meal. Ken pushed his iced tea to the side and said "absolutely!" as Alex nodded her head.

"Ken, this is just so much to take in." Alex has loosened her grip on what was happening and relaxed with Ken. "I just learned how to make our meal and I don't... didn't even really cook. This was a masterclass in one session."

Ken replied "sometimes, it takes going on an adventure to understand more than your own constant life. If a person earns a wooden nickel from someone like Michael, they must have done something amazing for him to offer it. Was your experience amazing?"

"Beyond amazing." she takes a sip of wine. "I didn't realize how much love went into making a meal. I never looked at other peoples jobs to see why they are the best at what they do."

"Our mutual acquaintance also does everything with a passion. I can only assume that is why she called in this wooden nickel."

After finishing off the best meal she feels she has ever had, Alex waves Michael over to sit with them and talk. "Do you know where this wooden nickel came from?"

"I do." Michael acknowledges, "I gave it to Sam."

Alex paused. "Sam? Sam who?"

Michael replies, "I don't know that part, but if this is from Sam, I know why it was given. In February 1993, I was on my way to work on the "L" and the train slammed into another train which had stopped in a tunnel. It was pure mayhem. It was dark, and smoky, and the rail was still live. Later we found out 11 people dies that day."

"I remember that day" Ken interjects.

"Sam was going from person to person asking if they were OK and trying to find doctors or nurses. She found a couple and they all moved from car to car to the front of the train to check on injured. I wasn't a nurse, but I was willing to help. As we entered the total mess of the front car, we started checking vitals and trying to bandage people before they could bleed out. It was terrible."

Alex was starting to think Sam was some sort of superhuman that just happened to know what to do and when. He definitely wasn't afraid of getting his hands dirty.

"I didn't see Sam on the "L" for a while after that. I supposed anyone could be screwed up after that. It wasn't until two weeks after when I finally was able to give Sam the wooden nickle. Anyone who is willing to go through hell to help another person deserves it." Michael teared up after explaining. "Now, Marlon has it. He is such a good person and after all of the trouble and hardships he and his family had to deal with, I think this is just a small token for him."

After more conversation with Ken and Michael, Alex excused herself and walked back to the kitchen. "That was probably the best meal I have ever had Marlon."

Marlon's eyes shine. "I have one last thing for you. This is the recipe for everything we did today. Just do me a favor and remember that it is not the ingredients that makes the meal, although it helps, it is the care put into it."

She thanked him again and walked back to the table.

After returning to the table, Alex opened the letter. Skimming through the Miller's pub portion of history, she picked back up with where she wanted to continue her journey. "Apparently, my next stop is back in Hyde Park."

After thanking her hosts and being told the meal was already paid for, Alex said her goodbyes and walked to get the bus back to Hyde Park.

Your last stop is back in Hyde Park. There are certain parts of Hyde Park that I love. The University of Chicago campus is likely one of the prettiest in the world. The point is one of the best things ever created since you can have bonfires and formal gatherings all in one place. But today, you are going to the First Unitarian Church.

Church, well that is unexpected. But what could possibly have been expected during this entire journey?

We are not attending. We are there for a different reason. Continue on once you arrive.

Alex stood in front of the old church for a bit to look at the architecture. It is nice. It wasn't terribly grand but it seems to meet everything you need for a church including a bell. Alex had never been to this church before but had attended a few events in Rockefeller chapel only a few blocks away.

People are actively going in an out of the church even on a weekday. After following someone into the entrance, she quickly found someone and asked for the office. After getting directions, she knocked and entered to find an older woman behind the desk. "Hello, How can I help you?"

She pulls out the letter and reads to get the red CCC business card out of the envelope. Alex hands her the card and says "I am supposed to give you this."

"Oh honey. They haven't used these cards in..." Her voice trails off as she flips over the card. "That's great! What's you name hun?"

"Alex" says Alex.

"Sam sent you?"

"I assume so. It has been a bit of a journey so far." Alex provides a retrospective of her day.

"Sounds about right. I am Hazel. We are going to talk a walk to the chapel. The card you gave me was for the Chicago Children's Choir." she grabs keys and starts walking out the door. "Sam has been working with the Chicago Children's Choir for year. Have you heard them?"

"Yes, but I haven't seen a concert I don't think."

"Well, they are amazing and they do amazing work with the children...and it all started right here. This is the building that started it all in direct response to the Civil Rights Movement in 1956, the choir has grown from one choir into a vast network of in-school and after-school programs serving nearly 5,000 students across the city. Now they even travel all over the world showing the strength in song and diversity." Hazel explains. "One of the reasons I love being here is because of everything we do with, not for, the community."

As they move into the chapel, it is amazing how it towers over the floor in steep arches. Expecting to find a bunch of stained glass windows throughout, finds the opposite. It dark, quiet, and calm. There is not one religion being displayed. "We welcome all spiritual beliefs here." Hazel explains. "We always have. This is the diversity as a people we embrace."

Hazel continues by explaining how the children's choir practice and how Sam is one of the beneficiaries of the choir to make sure the love of music helps kids when they need it the most.

Alex thinks to herself, "So that love of music, stayed even as he moved on."

Hazel states that if she has any questions, come see her in the office and leaves her in the chapel. A few minutes later, small children walk into the church with folders under their arms. Within 15 minutes, it was full of kids and what appears to be the instructor walks into the room carrying folders followed by another adult that appears to be the piano player.

The instructor looks at Alex quizzically and tells the kids to line up.

"It is amazing." Alex thinks to herself while listening with seems like a shocked expression on her face. She sat there the entire time. Transfixed on the beautiful voices singing songs in Swahili, Hebrew, Polish and English. The harmonies and pureness of the voices ring through the chapel as if the entire place was made just for them to sing.

While singing, the next group of kids walk in and take seats waiting for their turn to go up and sing. Alex couldn't move. It was an ebb and flow of emotion from song to song. Even with the stops and starts. Instructors change, children change but the music is still as beautiful...just as the older children move on stage, the sound is more refined.

After sitting on the hard pews for what seemed like minutes but what actually hours, a woman walks up to Alex and says "Hi. Are you a parent?" She looks down at the letters, and back at the woman searching for her wrist.

"Oh, hi. I am Sam."

A Virtual Me

2021-04-07T09:50:00.000-05:00

Technology has continued to advance day after day. Machine learning and artificial intelligence is making predictive life decisions and sending reminders email to help you complete tasks. So when does this evolve to the point where all of my decisions...my thoughts...my lessons learned become part of my work life? When will it just become a virtual me?

I think it will happen a lot sooner than people think. With systems like Siri, Alexa, and Cortana following your personal and business life, the predictive analytics of it all will start pre-writing email responses, providing all necessary information for your decision and then recording how you made the decision, and even learning your habits and how you handle time.

Time... that is probably the one thing that predictive analytics will struggle with. In management, sometimes it is better to just give it time to answer back. Other people within the email may provide a response that you have not thought about previously. So even if a virtual me is created, will it understand the need for delayed responses?

But what is more important...what will we do once a virtual me is created? Will I continue to expand on skills by learning new languages? Will I travel the world and learn about different cultures? Will I use other virtual me to solve other problems? How will I get paid for each of my virtual mes? If we have a virtual me for each of us, are we really the people being employed? Can your virtual me be stolen and used without your consent? What if virtual me commits a crime?

This brings me to my point, the governments around the world need to get ahead of all of this. There needs to be a digital ethics board to cover issues like these. It needs to address everything from limits of science and technology, to new laws regarding the what-if scenarios. If we don't have a regulated digital body soon, it will be too late very soon. Because all of the thoughts and ideas associated to this post, if constructed correctly are possible now. Not in the future...now.

Oy! My Back!

2021-03-13T21:29:00.002-06:00

I did something to my back.

I find it interesting that after all these years, my body shows me new things that can be accomplished. When I was much younger than I am now, I climbed telephone poles as part of my job in the Air Force. I was great at going up the poles, moving around the pole, and even working on stuff while I was at the top of the pole. I have been electrocuted multiple times while up there by either the central office sending “ring” voltage down the line, or an electrical wire being too close to the telephone cable and inducting electricity over to it. But in either case, I was still fine, up on the pole, with two slivers of metal holding me astride the vertical pole.

Coming down though... that was a different story. I would often “gaff out”. Coming down the pole was always the hardest part for me. You are supposed to straighten your leg, and drop into your next gaff point below you. In my case, I straightened my lag, and would slide down the pole because I would slap it instead of stab it. So one of the first things they teach you in military pole climb school is how to fall from a pole.

You see, if you are suddenly dealing with gravity and two very sharp pieces of metal on the insides of your feet, the last thing you want to do is come down and land with one foot near another. Examples of that were provided to us as visual reminders. Toes, feet, heels are all susceptible to severe damage from the gaff. So you make sure your feet are apart.

No big deal so far right? Part two, do NOT grab or hug the pole if you are falling. The first example of that was during training when they explained that you are not going to win against gravity and a splintered telephone pole. There was a guy who had splinters from his genitals to under his chin because he did not push away from the pole. A second example was during my active duty time in Maine. Not as severe as genitals, but the inside of the arms and the chin. Push away!

We are getting worse right, next comes the landing. Some people may not think about how to land when falling from a telephone pole, but these instructors have studied it heavily. You see, the landing on your feet with your feet apart is, besides being painful, extremely likely to break a leg, displacing or dislocating a hip, or just the force of the fall, forcing your body into a split that could again cause great harm to your genitals. There is a lot of concern for ones genitalia.

So let’s take all these lessons together. Don’t land on your feet or with them close together. Don’t hug or grab the pole. Your options are limited at this point. Right. They teach you to fall directly on your back. Legs spread, head tucked toward chest. We had to fall for nearly an hour just to make sure we understood how to fall during training. Granted we were only a foot off the ground, but the process was drilled into our brains.

When I climbed poles in Maine, I was guaranteed to gaff out. The poles were old and sometimes frozen. So I would just “dismount” the poles. From the working height, I would judge my trajectory of the fall, and properly fall from the pole flat on my back to the ground or hopefully, a snow drift. Teri, my first wife, would watch me dismount and laugh. Nobody could beat my speed going down. Yes, it could take the wind out of me, but I never had to go to the hospital. I consider that a win. I would be bruised and sore on my back, but it was better than spending 6 hours with a nurse removing splinters out of my arms or chin.

Today though... I was trying to get out of bed. A normal movement everyone makes every day! But no, I ended up sliding off the bed, onto the floor and just decided the floor was a nice place to stay at that moment. My wife looks down at me as I stretched to try to reach my phone so I didn’t have to look at the carpet the entire time I was going to be on the floor. She offered that “such a pity” look and pushed the phone closer.

Hopefully, after taking an Aleve and soaking in a hot bath it will loosen up and I will be able to sleep tonight. If not, you can find me on the floor or in this tub tomorrow morning.

Vacations and Holidays

2021-03-12T12:05:00.005-06:00

Burn out? Monotony getting to you? Being locked up in your house for a year finally taking a toll? Yeah...me too.

So what happens now that people are getting immunized? Do we expect vacations and holiday trips to escalate significantly? I supposed so. I suspect there will be about a 120% increase in travel compared to pre-COVID. being caged up this long is hard and people are reaching their limit. They are willing to go wherever, whenever as long as it is not home. Big concerts and festivals will be sold out in record times. Restaurants will be packed with new ones popping up almost as fast as they shut down last year. The "bounce" will be compared to the "roaring 20s" of before.

But how does that help me now? Yeah, it doesn't. I will just keep watching YouTube videos of places I could go and think about how it could be when this ends. But much like all the things I planned to do if I were forced to stay home like learning new languages, skills and crafts...this is likely not to happen. I know me.

Anyway, have a good day.

Friends and Acquaintances

2021-03-03T08:50:00.003-06:00

I have a LOT of acquaintances. My LinkedIn has many people who I have worked with and connected with during various speaking engagements or meetings. But none of them I would consider "friends". Facebook, Twitter, and any of the other social media platforms all have either school, work, or local acquaintances. I have never really placed an importance on the friend-relationship vibe.

Don't get me wrong, I have had friends in the past in school, or work, but maintaining those relationships apart doesn't have the same effect as when you are interacting with them directly. They drift back into the acquaintance group after a little bit of time.

My best friend is my wife. She will listen to me, will advise me, and will hold my hand if I am ill or feeling like I am having a down day. I rely upon her.

The problem is... I think I have finally reached a point I need more friends. I am finally slowing down enough that I could use other's viewpoints, opinions, and advice. I will still consider my wife's advice the top priority, but there are some things I am just not willing to talk to my wife about because I know her perspective.

So how does a person make friends in today's society? I don't really want someone at work as some of my talking points are because of work. I don't really want someone a distance away as I know getting together after the pandemic would be more of a hassle. I need to make a friend locally. I want to be able to go out for drinks, or just sit with them to talk about anything from quantum computing to urban design to the weather. I just could use a friend outside my household.

So what happens when you Google "I need a friend"? Coldplay. Google is off the mark on this one. So here is my plan when I can safely rejoin society... I am going to find myself a "joint" that matches my personality and repeatedly go there. When I lived in Bloomington, my morning ritual was to go to McDonald's and meet with my morning group of people. Even though I considered them acquaintances then, and still do...I felt it was a good way to build possible friendships. Or maybe, I will take a class at the art center...or volunteer for community involvement activities. Either way, I plan to put myself out there now that we have stayed in the same place for 6 years.

Good talk. Bye!

The 4% Rule

2021-02-25T08:33:00.001-06:00

I am well into my 50s now and one of the things I am keenly aware of is retirement. I have been reading about how much money you need to retire in order to maintain your current standard of living. I have been reading about how much money you need to "not run out" of money during your retirement. Here is what I have come to realize...I will never be able to retire.

I live basically paycheck to paycheck. We have some buffer in savings, we have a retirement account, and I have an investment account. But there is a rule of 4% in order to maintain your lifestyle after you retire. Here is how it works:

Take your current salary ($156,000) and that is what needs to equal the 4% you take out of retirement accounts each year. For you math wizards, this is easy...multiply by 25 ($3,900,000) and that is the amount you need to have in something like a retirement account.
Only draw what you make if possible. On average, an investment account will accumulate 4% per year. But what about all that other money I saved?
You are going to chisel away at your retirement still. Cost of living increases between 2-3 percent each year. Medical expenses increase each year as you need that gall bladder removed or that new prescription.
The average life expectancy has increased each year to now 78.8 which by the time you reach it should be around 88-90. So if you retired at 65 and just took the 25 years of money at 0%, you'd run out of money at 90. Hopefully, you are not average and become a centenarian.

So essentially, you need to be a multi-millionaire to retire.

But wait...what about my Social Security benefit? Right... If you wait until you can retire with FULL benefits at 67 years of age, you will receive a maximum of $3,011 per month. Retire at 65 like you planned? $2,857 per month. This is not close to your current salary, but it can help. It will help balance out that cost of living increase mentioned earlier.

So here is a word of advice... invest for retirement early. Save a little each paycheck into a retirement account and let the money build. Waiting until you are in your 40s or 50s is too late.

Mind The Gap

2021-02-23T11:25:00.001-06:00

Winter is always rough for me. It is my season of change.

I can't seem to get away from it. One of many things usually happen:

I want to change jobs (like today);
I want to move (like today);
I want a vacation (like today);
I just want out... like today.

Not out of my relationships, not out of life in general...just out. I feel trapped as if I am in quicksand. I can see I am fine, but everything around me is stopped or slowed. I can't really explain it well.

I need a reset. A new image of sorts. I need a new me. A rich me would be nice, but I also realize that would require a miracle of some sort. I am tired of doing what I have been doing for my entire adult life...technology. I am wary of this management track I have journeyed down because I don't really feel like I am contributing anything at all. I like having knowledge and opportunity to fix or build things.

But it is not that simple. I am the sole provider for myself, my family, and I provide financial assistance for my mother in law. Where I have moved to...has provided me the comfort I need to survive. I suppose I could give it up for a much less expensive place to live, and find something I would enjoy doing, but this brings me to another problem: what would I do if I weren't doing this?

If money were no object, I have lists of ideas and business plans. But as previously stated, I am not. I go back to work...doing the same crap, on a different day to pay the bills to make others happy. I can't keep this up. My body is taking a toll, my mind is weakening, and my family is feeling the result of it.

My wife made a statement last night and I fully realize it is true... I am becoming like my Dad. Lloyd used to open a bakery, get it up and running...get bored... and pack up the family to move to the next city to do it all over again. I am doing my best NOT to be that guy.

I have considered using the company's EAP to get some help, but I feel they are dealing with folks having life or death crisis' and my issue is just I am dealing with the same stuff I have dealt with all of my life. So where do I go? What do I do?

No Going Backward

2021-01-18T08:21:00.003-06:00

The last few weeks have been terrible. I have seen one of the horrible things I unfortunately predicted 4 years ago. I saw an uprising but instead of it being socialist liberals attacking the Capitol, it was right wing conservatives. Meanwhile, the United States sits at over 400,000 deaths due to the coronavirus because an inept President didn’t think it was serious enough to actually inconvenience his followers. Instead he lied, denied science, and elevated conspiracies even more after his first impeachment.

The attack against the Capitol was expected. Everyone on social media saw it coming and people warned the right people it was coming and some did not act on the warning.

So what comes out of this? Not much. Trump has been impeached again. But republicans will all fall back in line with the party and it will again be a split vote. He will finally be found guilty though. There is too much data to support it. Trump organization will file for bankruptcy again... and they will come out the other end smaller, but still alive because of the connections to people like the pillow dude or the Goya bean guy.

If he had the chance, he would do it all again. He created policies specifically designed to help his businesses. It will take decades to remove all of the helpful little policies his administration made for his own family.

Once you have gone this far down a path, you can’t go back. For example, today I checked on an old friend from Clinton on Facebook. She has followed right in line with the conspiracy followers and believe that private platforms such as Facebook and Twitter should be part of the first amendment freedom of speech. She doesn’t realize that the freedom of speech is about the government restricting your rights, not a software company. She writes about God and Jesus a lot and even though I think she is a smart person, I feel she limits her information by choice.

I think most of Clinton limits what they hear. I think they have lived in their own little bubble without seeing the rest of the world and how good and bad work together to create something new, different, and concerned with the future. Whether that is climate change, social systems like police, fire, education, and health, or even how we communicate... they look at what the past brought and how to explain and connect it through conspiracies.

I can’t go back. Even growing up there and still having a friend or two, I can’t look to people submerged in the past, to help me personally move forward. So where next?

Blue Rice

2021-01-09T19:54:00.006-06:00

Avery made Yansu Ji tonight. The side dish was rice. So if you don’t feel like eating, changing up the food a little can make a difference. So she made blue rice.

One thing about getting older is you can get bored easier. So whenever something happens or you see something totally out of the ordinary like purple or green ketchup, green beer, or blue rice, it makes that moment much more interesting and memorable. It tastes the same and the Yansu Ji was great!

However, for people like Andi, it makes her brain think blue raspberry! Every time she took a bite she had an internal struggle between her brain and tongue. Her tongue was like “yeah! Jolly rancher!” And her brain is like “no, rice.” Tongue eats the blue rice and is like “bleh bleh... this isn’t a Jolly Rancher!” Brain is like “I told you that already!”

Needless to say, making a little change to mix things up, can be fun. Waiting for the by-product of blue food coloring will be just as interesting I am sure.

My Dark Side

2021-01-01T08:51:00.001-06:00

My wife and I have a lot of conversations about her darker, morbid side of her personality. She often tries to engage me in going down these rabbit holes in her mind to identify which parts are truly needing fixes, and which parts are all talk and no action. For example, not so many years ago, we were discussing climate change and how she felt the world needed to have a large chunk of the population removed. She explained the Black Plague and Spanish Flu and how they both helped not only the economic separation between the wealthy and the poor, but they reset the human population to a manageable count.

I cannot say I agree with her. She has gone down these rabbit holes before and each time I am required to be the opposite viewpoint to bring back the civility and humanity of the conversation. I discuss the amount of innovation lost due to these disruptions in human activity. I show how hope (the one thing that pushes people forward) is hugely impacted by long term depression or post traumatic mental challenges like being the sole survivor of a family wiped out by a pandemic. Sound familiar?

But it all changes this year. Instead of suppressing my emotions as I am always doing, I am going to take these dark, dank, morbid, and evil thoughts and write them out. Not here of course...as the internet is hosts to truly evil people bent on destroying anything and everything in the name of “God”, “Freedom” and “Family”. I do not need to give them better ways to make the world worse than it is. Therefore, I will use the same method Samuel L. Jackson used in the Kingsman movie...pen and paper. “Nobody can hack that shit!”

But why? Why now? After spending my entire life neatly folding every bad thought and placing it somewhere in the nether reaches, I am realizing that I am out of storage. This last year has push my capacity for positive living to the limit. I cannot avoid the turmoil any longer and I need to take each one out, review, understand, acknowledge, and finally dispose of each and every one of the plethora of dark thoughts and move on. I need to identify and make reparations for each of those dark actions stored in the abyss. If one of those plots stored in that dark realm of my brain manage to come to fruition as I have always feared, I will rely on my wife to provide the balance I need to move through it.

Happy New Year!

Long Hair Days

2020-12-30T10:03:00.002-06:00

This year has been very short sighted. But one thing has come from it that I didn’t expect. I have long hair. Not long for me hair...long hair. I have not had a haircut since the year started. It has forced me to consider if I should get a hair cut. It is not like I am walking around the office trying to present myself in professional apparel. I am lounging around in jeans and a sweater every single day.

Wait...you wear a sweater in the summer you say? Yes. My wife loves to keep the temperature in the apartment cold enough that we can store ice cream in the bedroom. So I wear a sweater all the time.

My hair has grown well below the collar. Having been in the Air Force, certain things stuck with me even after I left it.. gig lines, pant lengths, and hair cut. The gig line is an imaginary line the runs down your button down short along your belt and the front fold in your pants. This line should always be straight and the belt edge should fall on the line. Pant lengths should have a slight 1/2 inch straight line break on the front as you stand upright in shoes. Lastly, you hair should be around the ears and not touching, and the back of your hair should not ever go over the collar of your button down shirt. The sides should be tapered from the ear up and your forehead should be visible with you hat on. No hair below the hat line. This limits how much hair you could actually have.

As I aged, I tried out the different looks until it bothered me enough and I went to the barber. This year, I have done nothing. A few months in, I trimmed the front a little so I could see, but now I have trained it to go to the side. I am actually putting to use a comb I received a while back after showering. I had to learn to use the comb again after getting a knot in the back, but it seems to work as described in the YouTube video.

What has happened since the hair? My wife and kid have been making man buns, unicorn horns, and are attempting to braid it. So far, the unicorn horn has been successful and that’s about all.

I have noticed something I like from this, Andi plays with my hair. She runs her fingers through it. I always thought it felt nice when the hairdresser did that, but when Andi does it, it places me in a trance. I would let her do that all day long. I am starting to think, long hair is not so bad after all.

Space Lord

2020-12-30T09:40:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone (the one who reads this) had a great holiday. This year I was thrilled to give. My wife had a memorable Christmas in a very long time. This year Avery and I started working on it in early November. When I gift, I tend to have themes. In previous years, those themes have been wrapped around many book titles. For example, when we first moved to Chicago, I bought her a bunch of books by Chicago authors about Chicago. One year, she had a series of other persons views books like the Reluctant Fundamentalist...she says that book changed her life.

This year however, books could not be a thing. First, space is an issue. Second, Andi is getting all of her books through Audible. But I did buy her one book...The Book of Etiquette by Lady Troubridge. I purchased it used as it was listed as a hardback in need of repair. Since Andi repairs books for the Field Museum, I thought this may be a fun start for her. The book was her first gift.

The second gift was the main gift to kick off everything else about the theme. She received the title of Lady. This is tied to a book series she has been reading in which Lady Hardcastle and Florence (Flo) Armstrong solve crimes in the UK. Our car was named Flo in honor of the book series and I felt it was only fitting that my wife be titled properly to drive her.

The third gift was the gift we (mostly Avery) have been diligently working on for over a month. We made her crest/shield. Unlike the normal crest, we needed something modern, round, and reflect the new Lady’s house. Avery designed a beautiful crest and then the hard part began. We went to Home Depot and purchased the round tabletop and wood carving tools.

Let’s get a few details out of the way. I don’t craft or carve. In fact, prior to this shield, I had never carved anything. So after Avery made the design on the wood using nothing but a pencil (she still amazes me with her art skill) I watched a YouTube video and started carving out the outline details. I carved around the crows, around the arrow, and after about 1.5 hours, my hand was sore and we put it away for a week. The following week I finished with the outlines and started carving out the negative space. At some point Avery felt I wasn’t moving fast enough and started carving out the negative space as well. Hand carving is a lot of work in a small apartment in the city. No bench and lots of vacuuming.

She carved it all out and was ready to paint. The negative space she already had paint for. The crowd needed to pop out more so I suggested model paint like I used when I was a kid making model cars. I knew there was a metallic version of model paint and thought that would help. After a few coats, she got it to where she wanted it. She then used coffee to stain the rest of the board and provide the wood grain to come through more. The last step was to seal it with clear coat. That would stink up the house so bad so she sprayed it in the emergency stairwell thinking that nobody would be in there anyhow. When she bright it back in, it still stunk up the entire house. It was down though.

After seeing her face after getting her shield, we had to continue to bestow more of her proper needs such as gold embossed notecards, and Avery made her a custom coffee with her logo printed on it called Lady Andi Burkholder’s Mana. Both said the coffee was excellent.

So how does all of this tie into the title of the post? Because I wrote a review of the place I purchased Lady Andi’s title, I was also given a title. To top that, my most awesome gift given to me is an entire solar system. I have a Star named John’s Coeus named on my behalf given to my by Avery. I have a star, I am a Lord... I am a Star Lord! Bring on the Marvel Universe.

In the Neighborhood

2020-12-23T08:30:00.002-06:00

My wife is the shopper in this 1950s style relationship. She procures the food, goods, furniture...basically everything for the house. There was one point in our marriage she looked at me and said “you need something of your own in the house. Something I will look at and remember you for.” I have a few things that are mine, but for the most part, my memories are about experiences and not stuff.

Back to my story...she does the shopping but there have been a few times that I pointed out she shops the hard way. When we lived In Virginia, our apartment was directly across the street from a new strip mall with a Harris Teeter. Harris Teeter is a neighborhood grocery. In that area, there is Giant, Harris Teeter, and huge everything grocery stores like Wegmans. Wegmans is about 20 minutes from where we lived.

The wife wanted to buy a mince meat pie for her grandmother and had to meet up with her cousins for pre-Thanksgiving coffee. Because it was the day before Thanksgiving, the Wegmans she drove to was packed. The parking lot was a ... parking lot. There was only one way into the lot and it was jammed with people coming in and leaving. It took her nearly an hour to leave the parking lot. So after a lot of frustration, and being late with her meetup, she got home and explained her ordeal. “On top of that, Wegmans only had one mince pie and it was frozen.” She explained.

I walk a lot. I may have mentioned it. So when she explains to me the story, I asked “Did you check at Harry Teet?” She spent about an hour or 10 minutes of real time explaining to me the intricacies of supply chain management in a grocery store and how it wouldn’t make sense that Harris Teeter would have mince pies. So I dropped it.

She had forgotten one thing and needed to grab something on the way to her grandmothers from Harris Teeter. We walked into the neighborhood store and sitting on a large table directly in the front of the store is an entire table of fresh baked mince pies. Cheaper than the frozen Wegmans one and already baked, boxed and ready to go. She looked at me, looked at the table, and said without missing a step, “I hate you”. We were in and out of the store in 5 minutes.

This was years ago. This week, my wife and I were discussing how she is running to every big box Target in the city to get the things she needs for Christmas. Cicero, West Loop, River North...

While she was shopping “aka pushing buttons”, I asked her if she checked the neighborhood Target. For a little background, the neighborhood Target is small. I have seen Bodegas that were the size of this Target. But...whenever I have gone there looking for something, it was there. It is the Harris Teeter of Targets.

To placate me, she searched the store in the neighborhood and sure enough, they had what she was looking for. She looked at me, looked at her phone and said “I hate you”. Then she started on this tangent about how I probably called Harris Teeter, ordered 25 fresh baked mince pies and had them place them all on a table in the front of the store...because I would do something like that just to be right.

So if you are looking for that one hard to find item, maybe it would be easier to just check in your own neighborhood.

Root Beer

2020-12-07T12:30:00.002-06:00

My wife and I recently had discussions about starting a business called the Soda Counter and Emporium here in Chicago. It specializes in sodas from across the US and internationally. You want Moxie from Maine or Cheerwine from North Carolina? Yep...we have it. Anyway, this took her on a tangent and she bought me a gift... a Mr. Root Beer kit.

I have never made soda, beer, wine or any drink myself except tea and coffee. So the idea of making my own soft drink has a huge appeal. Root Beer is one of those drinks that everyone loves. Root Beer is even a featured drink in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Quark: I want you to try something for me. Take a sip of this.

Garak: What is it?

Quark: A human drink. It's called root beer.

Garak: I don't know.

{ Garak scowls/snears }

Quark: Come on. Aren't you just a little bit curious?

{ Garak sighs, and cautiously drinks... }

Quark: What do you think?

Garak: It's vile.

Quark: I know. It's so bubbly and cloying and happy.

{ Garak smiles slowly as Quark speaks }

Garak: Just like the Federation.

Quark: But you know what's really frightening?

If you drink enough of it, you begin to like it.

Garak: It's insidious.

Quark: Just like the Federation.

{ later... }

Garak: Do you think they'll be able to save us?

Quark: I hope so.

Yesterday, besides making my kick-ass Bison Chili, I made two loaves of french bread, and took out the Root Beer kit and brewed my first batch. The process is a lot more than I originally assumed. There is extracts, flavor crystals, brown sugar, white sugar, and yeast involved. The instructions said the root beer can take 1-3 days to proof. Today, we tested the 1 day proof. It still tastes of yeast which was a bit of a surprise. The bubbles were considerably less than I expected. Granted we tested the root beer at room temperature, but all of the flavors were there...especially the yeast.

I have 3 more unopened bottles. Tomorrow, we will test another. Experimentation is the key to this I think. I look forward to the next bottle. Meanwhile, let me clear that taste out with this diet coke.

Boats, Trains, and Automobiles

2020-12-05T07:08:00.001-06:00

Some 15 years ago, my commute to the office was considerably different than most. At the time I lived in a Chicago suburb called Plainfield. Every morning I would drag myself to my car, force myself into the drivers seat, and drive to the train station in Joliet to take my commuter train downtown. There are a few previous blog entries about the train (nicknamed the Pickled Liver) and the people who were repeat offenders on said train. The train ride was one of the two highlights to my commute.

Once arriving downtown, I would walk through Union Station to the ferry which would lazily move down the river toward Michigan Avenue where I disembarked. I climbed the stairs, crossed the river, and walked into my office building in Illinois Center. Every evening, I reverse the entire course. As you can probably imagine, during the winter the boat was left out of the process. But when the boats ran, it was fantastic.

Today my commute during COVID is much more of a walk 15 steps to the living room. Before the lockdown, my commute was a 15-20 minute bus ride to the front door of my office building. I didn’t need a car. If we needed a car, we rented one from Zipcar or Getaround. In February though, we bought a used Jetta. We knew going in that this was not a forever purchase. The intention was to get a reliable enough car for trips to Target, classes, etc. until we upgraded to a newer car. We paid cash for it. It needed new tires so the first thing we did was replace them.

Flash forward to now. The car has been acting up and we decided to take it to the garage to have them do a once over. The mechanic previously said there were a couple items that would likely need to be replaced like the timing belt. He estimated about $1000 for that repair. We had some small items that also needed repair like the daytime running lamp.

Last night we picked up the car...

Between the rental car while it was getting repaired, and the repairs themselves, we are out of pocket about $4500. Before the decision was even made to repair the car, I suggested trading it in for another. The response I received was “I love my Flo (the cars name)”. If we would have traded in the car, blue book shows the trade in value between $3800 and $5300. Add the $4500 and we could have upgrade our car by 3 years. Three years would have avoided all of the repairs and headache. Oh, and... the drivers side running lamp did not get replaced, the perfectly functional headlight did... and we have to take it back because the entire reason for taking it in is still showing up on the dashboard as an issue. The splash guard for the underside of the engine was also removed and not replaced. I can see another $1000 going into this money pit. I should have listened to my inner voice.

Yes, the repairs are still less than renting a car as we did before buying, but it just got a whole lot closer to breaking even. So if you get a chance to buy a car..buy a boat ticket instead.

Air Fryers and Instantpots

2020-11-27T20:26:00.004-06:00

I made dinner tonight. Andi and Avery both suddenly like my old school macaroni and cheese. It is not a hard recipe, elbow macaroni, butter, milk, a jar of old English cheese, and 4 oz of Velveeta. The key is to put it in the oven after it is made for a almost brown crust.

I digress. I made fried chicken tonight. Stop, let me clarify, I tried to make a nice tender golden brown fried chicken tonight in the air fryer. It didn’t work. I ended up with a cooked piece of meat with a mostly white crust around it. As in, the air fryer doesn’t really fry anything. It is more like a hair dryer on high in a very contained space. This was the last time I will use it for anything besides small batch of fries. The oven actually does fries better too. I had high hopes for the newfangled contraption. But it, like the instantpot is a waste of time.

The instantpot makes an OK chili. But my slow cooker makes a better chili. In fact, every time we try to use the damn thing is takes all of the flavor it is supposed to “seal” into the food and turns it into bland mush. I think people try to make things better and only makes it worse.

When I was younger, we had an air popper popcorn machine. It sat in the cupboard next to the electric hot dog cooker, and later... the turntable pizza cooker and the bread machine. It just appears that we as humans, can’t really use the one device that can do nearly everything with ease... the range (oven and stove top). Don’t get me wrong, there are devices that have helped like the aforementioned slow cooker, or the microwave. But if you have such a hard time making bread using an oven, I don’t really think the bread machine is going to be a huge difference, unless you want an oddly square loaf of tasteless bread. Want to cook a frozen pizza? Turn on the oven and place the unwrapped pizza on something called a pizza stone or a baking sheet.

There, now let me get off my step stool and see if we have any hot children k-cups for the Keurig.

Without Direction

2020-11-24T07:45:00.001-06:00

Throughout my life I have always “gone for a...” bike ride, walk, or drive. It went so far that the kids didn’t want to go on bike rides or walks, and both of the wives have had to place parameters for a drive. I often ended up doing these things by myself. Even now, I go for a ride to attempt to clear my head and listen to my own music.

This year changes everything. The bike rides stopped many years ago. I don’t even own a bike anymore and my divvy bike membership I let go because I wasn’t using it enough. My walks continued, but I don’t have that as an easy option any longer now that everything is locked down and masks are more for my safety than anything.

Then there are drives. I still take drives although they are shorter than before. Trying to stay in the car to avoid contact with people does nothing but stiffen my joints and shrink my already minuscule buttocks. That relief of getting away from my current environment to balance out my need for trees, or need for people, has definitely impacted my quality of life.

Now winter approaches. Today, Chicago is expecting snow. This suggests even if I did leave the city, I can expect risks associated with driving in windy, snowy conditions which does the exact opposite from the effect I am after.

How do I combat this dark world lingering on the outer edge of my being? Is it time for chemical supplements? I hate the idea that I have reached the point that I need to do this for mental health. Once I start the treatment, I cannot come off it and that is why I am concerned with the idea. If COVID is only going to be a thing until June or so... do I try to avoid jumping back on the emotionally numbing pills, or do I find new distractions that ... oh, hell, I don’t know.

Primal Scream

2020-11-22T19:15:00.002-06:00

It is getting to me. I needed time to actually think about it, but I think I finally figured it out.

I have been working in technology for over 35 years. It all started with the Air Force as a Telephone and Data Circuitry Specialist. From there it has mutated from technology to technology, network cabling to SNA server to Exchange server to SharePoint. I have always had a goal... to be the best I can be in my field.

Now I am a manager. Even though I am still learning what that means in its entirety, I have lost the one thing that has kept me going for decades...motivation. I have nothing left to prove.

One of the hidden personality quirks for me has always been to prove to my birth parents that they missed out of a pretty fantastic, successful person. Well, it has been 4 years since I found my birthmothers side of the family and 3.5 years since I found the birthfathers side. I have nothing to prove to either of them. They are both dead. Their children all know who I am now and they have lived their own best lives.

So what is my overarching motivation now? Where do I go from here?

Andi suggested learning something new. I don’t like painting...I vibrate too high for that. I don’t like doing anything that is tedious or requires precision manual tools. Why? Because I vibrate all the time. I always feel like I am shaking and when I am not actually shaking a foot, I still feel like I am shaking. Benign essential tremors the doctor called it.

So what... quarantined to a 1000 square foot 2 bedroom apartment in the city. Leaving during this 3rd wave is an even worse option. The sun goes down at 16:20. There is absolutely nothing I need that I don’t already have. I am just in a very deep hole and even if i looked up, I am not sure what I would be looking for.

Here I am. I just want to take a deep breath and bellow with all force to let world know I am out here, and I need help.