This is the third time he is in a coma. I am afraid it’s the last. I cannot go see him because I am too far in the pregnancy to fly to France and when Miracle arrives I can’t travel with a newborn either.
I just got this news from a common friend of my father and I. Apparently my father was notified last night. And yet he has done nothing to contact me.

I am sorry for my blog being to morbid and negative these days but everything is kind of overwhelming. It still hasn’t really hit me that my papi’s chances of survival are very, very small. Writing helps. And knowing that you are out there helps. <3

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3. Miracle has taken my body hostage

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1. Hi, I’m almost not dead.
2. Back the fuck off, Universe.
3. Miracle has taken my body hostage

Please ignore my horrible hair, the sleep deprived face and the extra 84 pounds (38 kg). Miracle has just been estimated to 7,7 lbs (3500 g) so it’s about time for some action in the labor department wouldn’t you say?

38 + 5
{19.08.2010}

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1. Back the fuck off, Universe.
2. Sweet baby feet
3. Miracle has taken my body hostage

• A dog who has become deeply disturbed after his partner died. We thought we’d made it through the hard part. We haven’t.
• Before mentioned dog overspraying my house with shit, anal fluid and throw-up because he has completely freaked out and refused to go for a walk outside our perimeter for 3 days. Kevin had to drag and carry out him last night while he was shaking and screaming. Yes dogs can scream. Yes, it’s a horrible sound. Yes, people think we are killing our dog. Yes, in that moment we want to.
  And this is just one of his behavioral symptoms. Needless to say I’m spending a lot of time researching and talking with our vet.
• Talking with imbeciles, trying to help them get my birth certificate right the forth time. Possibly before I go into labor. I won’t even bother you with this one.
• A baby that is possibly way over-due, a midwife that’s on vacation and a baby that won’t come out. Did I mention overdue pregnancy?
• A pelvis that is literally cracking apart.
• Nights filled with pain and no sleep because of non-existent pelvis.
• Internet that switches on and off as it pleases. Someone, somewhere is having a lot of fun.
• A wisdom tooth that is trying to dig itself free from my scull, creating a balloon of infection in the process of doing so.
• Family members with no sense of responsibility whatsoever and a flair for lying to top it off.

Did I mention that our fridge and washing machine died on the same day last week? Yeah. So if you see a newsflash where an over pregnant maniac bitch is getting a little relief with the help of automatic weapons that’s just me. HI Y’ALL!
Right now I’m going to pull down the curtains, turn everything off and pull up the covers before anyone gets hurt. In between mopping up after the dog. See you next week.

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I have no idea whether or not they’ll be able to fix her and frankly my enthusiasm is kind of dying here… Don’t get me wrong, I love her but one thing about her personality really annoys me. She runs on Windows Mobile. You can stop staring judgmentally at the screen now people. She’s an old lady and WM was what you had to pick from back in those days. Thing is, I am a bit of a technology slut. And while my baby has been on her recreation vacation I’ve been a little unfaithful. I’ve fallen in love with this 3.5-inch wonder (without Sarah Jones all up in my screen, thank you):

I’d totally go pregnant stripper for her. That’s how damn delicious she is. Did I mention she’s Android!?!! And that full QWERTY keyboard is just asking to be raped for some heavy blogging.

What I’d also go pregnant stripper for:

• Canon EOS 5D mark II camera
• Macro lens (50mm)
• Zoom lens (75-300mm)
• MacBook Pro
• My own old fashioned study/library room including balcony
• Magical credit card to purchase books for study
• Tim Burton’s brain
• Plane ticket home

So, who do I call? Is it to late if I can go into labor any second? If my water brakes on stage do I have to mop it up myself? Does there exist pregnant fetish strip clubs where I can make a little extra? If I’m not able to put on my own socks can I still get hired?
What would you go preggy stripper for?

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My grandmother knitted these little shoes for the little feet we cannot wait to meet..

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1. Piña
2. Skin

We had a friend over with his little dog and I was alone with guest dog and Nico (our black lab) for 15 minutes. I ended up sobbing in the bathroom. Guest dog is a male and doesn’t resemble Piña the slightest except that he’s a small dog. But the sound of his little paws on our hardwood floors and the two of them buzzing after me around the house started to give me an unpleasant feeling and I couldn’t get myself to “talk” to guest dog so I just ended up ignoring both of them and feeling bad over it. I decided I was an idiot and went out in the kitchen to give them both a treat. And as they were sitting there, the two of them staring up at me, I just fell apart.

I know some of you may have trouble understanding how the death of our dog can affect me so much and I probably sound melodramatic or just plain crazy to you, and that’s okay. The relationship people have to their pets can be extremely different. I don’t even like to call Piña my pet. See? Crazy. To me she was a partner and she was our baby girl. It was my job to protect her and she got sick and we weren’t able to save her. And no matter how many vets tell us that we couldn’t have done anything, it still isn’t good enough.

She was supposed to be there when Miracle arrives. And she isn’t there to experience that with us as a part of the family.

How do you deal with grief? And what are your views on having pets and loosing them?

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2. Rest in peace, Piña
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