nǐ hǎo brian - 你好！

minimization

2012-04-14T08:22:00.000+08:00

Right now I'm sitting outside a Starbucks like I often do. The reason I come here is because 1) I work at this particular store so I don't usually pay for drinks, and 2) it is within walking distance of home. I was at home cleaning out my room and the garage, looking for things to sell or donate. The idea of minimizing what I own is very appealing; it's always been somewhat a romantic fascination of mine but something I've never done well with. But...

Yesterday I sold one of my guitars. Now I only have five guitars. Upon exchanging the guitar for money with the guy I didn't feel anything like I've felt in the past when parting with possession I value. This time I just felt a slight exhilaration knowing my physical presence here is that much smaller; I owned that much less shit. One more thing I never have to think about. I hope to repeat this feeling multiple times and to promote that I have put all but one of my guitars online, as well as a bunch of camera equipment.

For my upcoming move I had originally planned on taking a 50-liter backpack. Andrew and I went out with some friends and walked around River Legacy, in Arlington, for a few hours with our bags loaded up with all the things we intend to take with on the move to Southeast Asia. sidenote: The last time I moved across the world I took about four times as much stuff. A slight difference is the fact that I had a job (and a place to stay) upon arrival. This time I have neither, so traveling lighter is mandatory. Compared to last year I felt 50 liters was a success but I still felt like my bag was oversized. So...after sitting on the floor of Backwoods, a local outdoors store, with Shawna, Lauren, Andrew and three backpacks strewn about me, I ended up buying a 33-liter backpack with better internal organization. This blog post has totally strayed from my original intent.

In case anyone's interested, I will write another post later that analyzes how miserable a person can be while lounging around sipping overpriced drinks, contemplating the extreme comfort of their life why that comfort is so discouraging. I hope you all will let me know if you have any thoughts of your own on this matter!

p.s. I'll update the post with pics of my new bag later--it's so cute!!

a peaceful reminder

2012-04-08T07:38:00.001+08:00

This morning I woke up feeling incredibly rested. I went to the bathroom and then walked back in my room with a calm presence over me, somewhat hyper-aware, admiring the way the carpet felt on my feet. Kind of in a surreal state where random thoughts just pop in your head, like "I'm so thankful my feet and legs work." I laughed to myself and looked at the clock to see what time it was.

It was fucking 2 a.m. At this point I really started acting like a grandpa and I started chuckling. Immediately I thought of the last time this sort of phenomenon occurred, I was alternating between staring at the ceiling and peeking out the blinds in a serviced apartment in Shanghai, the first night/morning after I arrived. My travel partner was asleep but I was already seething with the desire to get out and explore this crazy new place, filthy with lights, filthy with people and filthy with general uncleanliness....

Though it's been a bit shy of a year since that experience, it's still completely relevant in my mind. When I think of the best things I've ever done for myself, they are 1) quitting my job after getting an associate's degree and going on an indefinite roadtrip on the West Coast, 2) getting a job at Starbucks and pushing myself socially, 3) moving to China. As I've mentioned numerous times, the China move didn't work out as I'd hoped at times I'm obviously still kind of wistful about that (witnessed by the fact that I keep writing about it), but it was still one of the most important things I've ever accomplished. Recently upon analyzing the times I've felt the most content, most at peace or satisfied with life in general I realize they could all fit under the equivalent of a blog-equivalent life-tag/label called exploration.

Where I am now is clearly not where I want to be. I am in the process of applying this analysis and shifting my life to better reconcile with it. I'm excited to say that I have already made a lot of progress by getting rid of clutter (in many cases, severing the needless emotional connection to objects), selling a lot music and photo equipment I don't use regularly and reminding myself that I have the freedom to be anywhere I please.

Let me know what you guys think!! How do you all feel about where you currently are in life?

au revoir

2012-03-16T09:34:00.002+08:00

Though this blog, in name and content, is mostly about my experiences getting to and being in China, the impetus for the blog was generally about leaving America. It seems to be I am in the same state again, where getting out of this country or maybe just being somewhere totally new, has become a top priority in my life.

So exigent is this desire that at times I can't sit still and I feel a burn in my skin at the thought of being here, of feeling like I am doing nothing "beyond existing". It sounds pretty dramatic.

I frequently miss China, though I try not to dwell on decisions I felt I had to make. There is no way I could idealize China, but maybe a different lifestyle that it harbored for me. Sometimes there was comfort in the constant chaos often mirroring my mental state but in the end too many situations all across the external and my internal world propelled me to leave in a frantic state.

Whatever, shit doesn't matter now. Anyway, I am planning a looser trip to Southeast Asia with my adopted twin brother Andrew. I will probably keep writing on this site due to the fact that I have started way too many other random blogs already and nihao-brian seems most suitable for travel.

The Cure is playing right now in this Starbucks. I think of a gigantic unfamiliar world. Can't wait to leave.

tiny reflections

2012-01-22T09:39:00.003+08:00

Here is an interesting article about a young man's time teaching in China: http://middlekingdomlife.com/guide/teaching-english-in-china-enjoying-the-adventure.htm. It's funny how similar I feel to many of the things he said.

I feel some relief to see certain similar opinions, possibly making me feel like less of an asshole. I also just finished reading a book titled The Chinese Mind, which my mother recommended. Personally I didn't like the book and thought it was somewhat chaotically organized, repetitive and unnecessarily oversimplified...specifically concerning American culture compared to Chinese culture. This book did however, make me feel like I should try to be more understanding of certain Chinese behavior patterns. And, I am still practicing and wanting to understand some things that don't make sense to me, though they seem fundamentally disgusting. Clearly I've got more work to do.... And to be equally harsh, part of the reason I wanted to leave America in the first place was because I feel many attitudes and behaviors here are fundamentally disgusting. I will work on becoming more and more open-minded and accepting.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the article on middlekingdomlife. I try not to think too much about what has passed, but I sometimes find myself wishing I was more tolerant and accepting of my situation in China, and that some things beyond my control that influenced me had never occurred. I am thankful for my experience in China and I would like to visit and hang out in China again, probably not under circumstances of employment though.

merry christmas

2011-12-26T02:38:00.001+08:00

In America, today is the holiday that people tend to get together and give shit to each other; there is and a general feeling of warmth and goodwill between people. I am currently listening to James Taylor and thinking about the calmness and the feelings this season used to mean to me. But right now I'm alone and so far away from all my previous associations with Christmas. None of this is because I'm in China--in fact, I'm no longer in China.
In the middle of November I came to the conclusion that the numerous hours I was spending each day debating whether or not my time in China was remaining a positive experience was telling enough of the situation. I was severely unhappy with my job which was taking too much time of my personal life, albeit partially through my own doing, of which I felt compelled, because I took it as a sign of my own failure when my classes did not go as hoped. My attitude towards China and the people I was daily coming into contact with proved to be too negative--each day I found myself angry and at times, full of violent energy.

A good portion of my troubles probably came from my own unmalleable ideas of acceptable behavior. Unfortunately, despite my research and the belief that my experience of culture shock would be minimal, I began to struggle daily. Sometimes times I would just sit in my apartment and talk to the plants, enjoying the quiet and the complete lack of Chinese people. I felt like I was becoming racist. I heard myself constantly saying mean things in my head, expecting the negative and anticipating confrontation.

By this time I had made many close friends, Chinese and foreign. Constantly I got together with friends, talked, went out and did things, worked hard to meet new people and did the other things someone experiencing culture shock is supposed to do. As much as I wanted things to work out, I felt it was too much. This was incredibly hard for me; I had built a new life, made friends I did not want to leave and was living in an exciting and interesting place. In exchange for ending my frustration I would be leaving my friends (some of who I felt a deep connection to) and moving back to my parent's house, relinquishing some independence. Back to the structure and monotony of America, where currently in the Starbucks I sit, someone is actually capable of singing along with an Eric Clapton song--something that was utterly unimaginable in China. I fucking hate Eric Clapton. Of all the shitty Chinese music I heard in China, even the opera, nothing sounded as infuriating as Eric Clapton's smooth voice singing such disgusting, useless lyrics.

I felt like leaving was a sign of retreat, of failure. Now that I'm home I often still feel that way. In some ways I am disappointed with myself. However, it felt necessary to come home to curtail the spiraling negativity I was experiencing. I still think I made the right choice. I feel I had two choices and neither of them was attractive, neither was really even neutral...they were both somehow setbacks.

Beyond this, after coming back to Texas, the most successful and rewarding personal relationship I have ever been in finally imploded. This may have been coming for a while but it is still very painful, though it may have been the right decision. I feel obligated to write this.

Anyway, I thought I was going to write a funny entry today but it didn't turn out that way. What I wanted to say I miss my friends in China and I wish I could be there to celebrate Christmas with them despite the fact that some of them don't even celebrate Christmas.

This isn't supposed to be negative. I actually feel very fortunate--I was able to go to China...and I was able to leave when I felt necessary. As well, I have a nice place to live and I was asked to come back to Starbucks and even given a higher pay rate than before I left. I guess this post can summarize something that's askew with me (possibly my generation or America...or humans in general). How fortunate am I yet I still feel horribly frustrated and unsatisfied to be back in America. I feel somewhat sick just reading that last sentence.

I just felt like writing. Please give me your thoughts on what I said.

rainy days

2011-08-29T21:35:00.000+08:00

The past few days I have been in a daze, feeling glossed over, mechanical. The off-and-on rain hasn't really brought much of a cooling effect. Today I slept away most of the day's middle hours, deciding to eat a true breakfast at around 5PM. Part of this could be the fact that the past few nights I've been up until around 2AM which is pretty drastic for a bookworm like me. The good news is that I've been out up so late because I have made friends with Chinese people. From now on I will just call them Chinese friends. There really is no bad news about this even though that may have sounded like a lead-in, but let me continue...

Aghh...somehow I got distracted and didn't finish this entry yesterday. That's really okay though because there's something new to talk about everyday. Today was another rainy day. I'm sitting in a nice quiet coffee shop/café as I probably would do in America. Maybe I like this place because it is less-Chinese than most of the places I go to--it is a good break. Also, Sophia, one of the first Chinese friends I met, works here. She has the distinction of having the most elegant English name of all the Chinese people I know; it even fits her gender, unlike that of the friendly girl at Dairy Queen named Ben who helped me last week. Sophia insisted I order my dinner in Chinese this evening because she knows I want to learn Chinese and join the CCP and then hopefully the PLA as soon as possible. I ordered pumpkin soup (didn't even update my Facebook status yet--you are hearing it here first!!) but there is no taste even moderately resembling pumpkin in the soup. However, the soup tastes good in a different, non-pumpkin way.

Regardless of pumpkins, today I received a call from the Foreign Affairs Officer at my school saying I could move into my school apartment today. He called in the morning and I heard him say that sometime after lunch he would be by the apartment so I could come by and move my things in. Unfortunately I didn't get a call from him until around 17:00, saying he would be near the apartment at 21:20. So, I will go there tomorrow and settle in. I have mixed feelings about moving to a new place. My current apartment is in a badass location, close to all sorts of nature spots, food spots, places to get tea or coffee and hang out and a pretty good restaurant that is open until 02:00. Also, I'm fond of my roommates. Aside from being built-in friends because WE'RE AMERICANS IN CHINA, they're really cool and I feel we're on similar wavelengths. Those are probably the biggest reasons that moving isn't yet a 100 percent welcome transition. To the potential credit of the other apartment though, I haven't explored the area it is in quite as much as this area.

So maybe I'm feeling a little anxiety, hesitance about everything. As long as no bombs drop I will start my job as a "foreign expert"/English teacher within the next few weeks. My three month vacation is winding down and I really do feel I've made the right decision to come to China. Hopefully I will continue feeling that way. The experience so far has been amazing, full of bewilderment, irritation, nervous laughs, milk tea, eggplant and people yelling "HELLO" as they pass. As always, travel makes me appreciate America more and more. Each night before bed I find myself humming the national anthem while I stretch my legs beneath my gigantic American flag blanket and stare at the poster I got printed at Sam's Club of Betsy Ross that is glued (by semen) to my ceiling.

Talk to you soon friends!

driving rant

2011-08-19T21:31:00.005+08:00

So...things here in crazyland are pretty good. I'm trying to make some worksheets for classes so it looks like I might know what I'm doing. But enough small talks...what I'm really about to tell you about is driving in China. The short answer to the question I'm surprised nobody has asked yet is: Yes, personal cars should be outlawed in China.

From a topographical view some 100 feet high, there are no cars below--there are only ants rushing to a piece of food--they bump into each other, clumsily back out and then trudge forward again only to do the same thing...because there are dozens of other ants surrounding them. The concepts of space and physics appear to be oblivious to many ants here. As well...the idea that the ant next to them is about to try a great time-saving move that is just as ridiculous as the one they themselves are contemplating.

From what I can tell, it is possible to disobey all traffic laws and close your eyes while driving as long as your hand is on the horn--and what is so disgustingly pathetic is--most of the time it works for them. People relocate and flow around the idiocy that comes at them from all sides. I think it is also illegal to ride a motorbike here at night while using the lights. Same thing goes for wearing helmets.

But I need to stop focusing on the things that make me enraged; clearly I'm looking at it through an ignorant Western set of glasses. Me, the outsider, the imperialist storming into China and demanding they change their traffic-lifestyle to one that contains some sort of clearly-delineated order...who do I think I am to value safety?? But truthfully, if people have only ever experienced these incredibly unsafe traffic conditions...who can fault them for their behavior of maintaining them?? I'm only halfway being serious and halfway being sarcastic.

I really lost the momentum in this article and for that I'm somewhat disappointed. Unfortunately, what had so much potential (this article) was squandered by the fact that I am trying to be rational, culturally-sensitive and understand the outstanding traffic-related behaviors/attitudes I've experienced in China so far. Let it be known that I'm not doing this out of any deference to Chinese people/culture...the only reason I'm doing this is to try and lower my own stress level--it doesn't matter.

Century Mart girl

2011-08-10T15:28:00.004+08:00

So I've now been in China for about a month and a half and I am starting to feel serious about making friends. I have made a handful of friends but nobody I regularly do anything with (except for my roommates, who are American). Basically...if I don't make 100 friends by next week I really don't deserve to be alive.

This girl I am about to mention was an employee of one of the stores in a mall that happens to connected to a Century Mart grocery store (otherwise I just might not be in the mall). Upon exiting Century Mart and entering the mall, the girl I am now mentioning looked at me and smiled a very curious, welcoming smile. I looked at her for a while and smiled back, naturally. I believe that's what you do when someone smiles, but I smile at people here when they look at me for more than a few seconds, and often their faces remain frozen. But let me now get back on task...

I went walking around some more and later on saw her walking and she looked at me and smiled again, following me with her eyes, repeatedly glancing back. Her look was not one that I often see of the people here; it was much more warm than the usual bewildered look I get. The bewildered look is interesting; it is a look that many people here seem to have when the thought first crosses their mind that there are actually people in the world that are not Chinese.

Anyway, since I saw her I knew I was going to go back and try to see if the moments we had were truly a case of friend at first sight?? I'll let you know...AFTER THE JUMP!

Over the past week I have somewhat devised a friendship attack plan; the gist of it involves me going to the store, buying gummy bears, finding the girl, asking her if she spoke Chinese, offering her a gummy bear, asking her to teach me Chinese and then...handing her my business card, thus sealing our friendship. This morning I wrote my name and some random numbers on the back of a few index cards I chopped up and I was excited to be able to give one away.

When I woke today I realized had today had to be the day--today I needed to start making friends. After breakfast I put my hair in a bun and put on the appropriate clothes for trying to meet new friends. I got on the bus and headed toward the grocery store. After getting off the bus I felt great--I was on my way to make a friend--look at me go! Upon entering the mall I wondered if my idea was in fact foolproof and I began to feel slightly nervous. Regardless, I was determined to go through with it because that is how you win at life, you have to push yourself. I ambled through the store and picked up a few things ON DISCOUNT as well as a package of imported German gummy bears before heading out, ready to put my friendship heart on my short sleeve.

"Calm down. Breathe. It's just a potential friend." Do you ever hear yourself saying those things to yourself? Don't worry, it's completely normal. I tried my best to casually (read: not awkwardly) stroll out of Century Mart and glance inside the little stores. I didn't see her where I thought she would be, but it was at this point I realized that I didn't really remember what she looked like. Wow. All of my effort and goodwill was being betrayed by the fact that all I knew about this girl was that she was probably Chinese (I saw her in China) and she knows how to smile (that narrows it down a bit more). At least, I thought, I could recognize those who smile from those who are not smiling and then I could calculate the friendship connection I felt with those who smiled. Well friends...no such luck. I walked around the stores a couple of times in search of a semi-mildly-familiar array of dental units but I failed.

Failure comes in all flavors and this flavor tasted like the green gummy bear. To my credit I think I didn't find her because I don't think she was actually there. I believe I will go back later and search for Century Mart girl. I believe I can turn a green gummy into a red one with just a little more persistence and creepiness...all I have to do is find out where potential friends work, note the days and times they are working and then return incessantly until I give them my business card, which looks sort of exactly like this:

Take care and thanks for choosing to read my blog. I hope you have a great day.

new apartment

2011-07-12T18:55:00.000+08:00

Things have settled down a bit as we have been able to rent a room from an American couple and quit living out of hotels. The internet everywhere we have been has been sketchy and I've been unable to log on a VPN and thus, access this blog. Tons of great interactions and miscommunications have taken place...take place on a daily basis. I can't spend much on here now because we have to research for a trip we are going to take to Yellow Mountain.

One badass thing about our new place is that it happens to be...on the top floor and thus...we can get on the roof!! Check it out!

Just chilling on the roof of our new place...no big deal!

More photos and embarrassing stories soon...

Shànghǎi!!

2011-07-03T10:30:00.001+08:00

Umm...we've been in Shànghǎi about a week now. We have been unbelievably fortunate thus far, receiving money from a handful of people before we left; my father paying for a portion of our plane tickets and vaccinations and one of Shawna's uncle giving her money. Upon arriving a different uncle of Shawna's had a car pick us up from the airport and drive us to the serviced-apartment which he paid for through the 28th of June and just the other day asked us how long we would like him to extend it.

This city is beyond belief, stretching too far to see any hint of its ending.

View from back exit of where we were staying on Hong Mei Lu.

Okay, I wrote this last week and didn't finish it. So much stuff happened in Shànghǎi; hopefully I can go back through and write more about it. I will try to be more timely and complete these from now on.

Houston, Chinese Consulate

2011-06-11T05:20:00.003+08:00

Sitting at a Starbucks in what must be the gayest district in Houston. I love it. We just finished up at the Chinese Consulate, dropping off our passports and paperwork to get visas. There was a line to the street before the consulate even opened. We had parked at a nearby shopping center and walked to the consulate, disobeying the "No Chinese Consulate Parking" signs that littered the parking lot. Don't worry, this story has a happy ending (for me), but not in the sexual sense.

Well...good thing the line was long and I decided to go back and get some drinks, because when I walked out of the Starbox...there was a towtruck behind my dad's car, the guy checking the license plates and about to put rollers or something under the chassis. I hit the lock button on the keychain so time would stop and he would be frozen, allowing me to kick him in the balls and put a bomb in his truck--some superhero has to temporarily scare the towing industry.

Unfortunately my keychain lock must've been broken, because instead of stopping time and motion, the car just beeped a few times, making the towtruck guy look around. As I approached I asked him how he was doing. He looked at the two iced venti unsweet no-water green teas in my hand and then up at my face, and asked if it was my car. I said yes at which point he backed away and I said, "Thanks."

I had planned on moving the car after leaving the Starfox anyway due to the fact that I get paranoid and with the line at the consulate we obviously had plenty of time before anything was going to get done. In addition, there was free parking down the street. The reason we had parked there was because it was close and we were going to come back to the Storebux later to get a drink anyway.

I moved the car and headed back to the consulate where we waited in line for about an hour. There were a handful of people in line from passport agencies with collapsible folders full of visa applications and passports (suppose you don't live close enough to the consulate or embassy--you can give your paperwork to a service to do it for you). It was kind of frustrating to see them taking up so much of other people's time while simultaneously making tons of money from all of the applications they were getting put in (I think my dad paid $150 to get his visa processed by an agency...and there were people with 20+ passports). It would be nice if people from the agencies had restricted hours or a separate line that way normals didn't have to wait. What was slightly more irritating was most of the people from agencies acted somewhat ostentatious and a few even brought like half of their social-skill-lacking families. Whatever, I was calm about it.

In the end we got some cool little stickers in our passports that were only about $170...a pretty good deal considering they were way higher quality than the shit you get from quarter machines at Walmart. There were some other funny things but I will leave you all with a photo that pretty much accurately sums up my thoughts of Houston:

He was on the wall of our hotel room. Apparently Shawna also saw a different cockroach that made this one look tiny in comparison. And you know...the font on that comment form had to be at least 24 points. Do the math.

Anyway, thanks Houston, see you never if we're lucky!

blast off

2011-05-19T01:35:00.000+08:00

So I bought a plane ticket...one-way...to Shànghǎi...

strange feeling

2011-05-03T08:08:00.001+08:00

It is a dreary day here in NE Tarrant County. Cool weather, rain off and on. Things are feeling kind of surreal right now. Sitting in my room trying to organize things to store away in the closet. I want to get a few empty boxes to fill with things I won't take on the plane but might want my family to send them to me later. These are the somewhat mundane logistical realities of moving.

An emotion that I haven't felt in quite some time (though it is familiar) seems to be creeping up, I think partially the because of the weather, partially because of my situation and recent events. It is a mixture of desperation, nostalgia and uncertainty.

Though I want to move to China I also feel like I am being forced to go. At this time I feel like I have no prospects where I am--living at my parent's house and working at Starbucks. And, I've had little success in my search for jobs with higher compensation or more opportunity. I hope going to China can be a catalyst (not a panacea) for progress in all realms of my life. Ideas of another culture, different experiences, a new language, new relationships and more independence all excite me, and I know this will be a fun and productive trip.

Fuck, this is becoming too emo. The point is, it is a rainy day and it is incredibly weird to be sitting on the floor and thinking about packing a couple of bags full of things I want/need for moving across the world for a year.

foreign expert

2011-04-30T00:00:00.009+08:00

So...somehow over the past month I wound up magically transforming form mere American citizen into a foreign expert....

In case I don't know what this means, it means I GOT A TEACHING POSITION!! Yes, the theory of hard work and persistence paying off has now been confirmed to be occasionally correct instead of just being anecdotal. That is, of course, unless this was all just a coincidence and there is actually no correlation between diligence and success. Either way, I signed a contract with Hángzhōu Diànzǐ University in Hángzhōu, Zhèjīang Province. I feel a great sense of relief having secured a job but I also have realized the exigency of my final pre-trip responsibilities.

One stipulation in the contract was that I would have to have my wisdom teeth removed before arriving in China. The Chinese believe that wisdom teeth literally do give wisdom and therefore, admitting a foreigner to China who still has his wisdom teeth could breach national security. This doesn't make any sense because now I have holes in my mouth with which I can easily conceal highly-classified information. So in my analysis of this situation, I have essentially traded wisdom for intelligence.

Anyway, I got my wisdom teeth removed and promptly received a bag of bloody teeth and what seemed to be a sinus infection. Either it turns out it wasn't a sinus infection or the sinus infection turned into walking pneumonia, a minor form of real pneumonia. While I was seeing the doctor for walking pneumonia I came upon the insight that I don't like being sick and maybe I should start taking the idea of getting vaccinations seriously. My responsibilities instantly multiplied like the bacteria in my fluid-filled lungs.

Also, somehow I need to get from America to China. Walking is out of the picture because there is a small stretch of space between the two countries where there is no land (only water), and I am not a water strider named Jesus. How unfortunate, if only I would've been born differently than I was maybe I could be happy. Maybe I will just try to use an airplane to get there. If that were to happen, I would have to buy an economy-class ticket and I don't want to spend any less than $1200....

That's enough for now, I have to spray hydrogen peroxide in the holes in my mouth and then use my cool new inhaler. I will try and write more about my responsibilities later. Have a nice day!!

fruit time!

2011-04-01T03:55:00.005+08:00

JOB OFFER!!

Straight from contact with a university in Hángzhōu. The offer seems OK and I have talked to a few people from the school who say it is a great place and teacher friends at other schools envy them. Of the handful of schools I've talked to, this one has had the most and most prompt communication with me. However I would still like to see what other schools might offer. The offer I received is good for two weeks so I have some time to decide what I want to do, maybe even longer depending on whether or not the deadline was a tactic of some sort or if it was legitimate.

Either case, I feel pretty good about it. Always though, it could be psychological, wanting it to work out, wanting to think I received a decent offer. Harder to be objective when you are really hoping for something. Man certainly has the capability to delude himself.

Hopefully I can eek out some more later, maybe it will be more interesting instead of such a straightforward account.

no thanks Wendy

2011-03-24T09:09:00.002+08:00

The past few days I have felt I'm starting to make another breakthrough concerning my move to China. I have been applying to numerous university positions, pretty much any locations where I have been able to find direct contact with the school. I'm very excited.

The "direct contact with the school" thing has become more important to me as people have repeatedly warned to be wary of dealing with recruiters, companies schools hire to find teachers. Recruiters are known to use bait-and-switch tactics to lure potential teachers in with a nice-sounding job but when the teacher arrives that job is no longer available...but the recruiter has a different job available. The replacement jobs are where many teachers' horror stories come from...small towns away from civilization, bug-infested apartments and salaries nowhere near the original quotes.
I have had some interactions with recruiters so far but obviously I haven't been able to judge whether or not those recruiters keep their promises yet since I am still in the US. However, I have had a taste of some of shining examples of their idea of integrity. Here is an excerpt from an e-mail from a recruiter named Wendi Ji. She asked if I could forward her a copy of my TEFL or TESOL certificate. Just to see what she would say I told her I didn't have a certificate but that I could fake one for her. Here is the response:

Hello Brian,glad to hear from you,I need the TEFL certificate, that's all be right you can fake one, can you come to China in tourist visa and our school will change it to a working visa, here I enclosed with several position information and you can pick the one you really preferred, after you make a final decision, I will sent your information to the school, all those positions need to be take asap.

My dearest Wendy who in our first correspondence spelled my name B-r-a-i-n, in the second e-mail spelled it B-r-i-a-n and then in the third e-mail reverted to the first (incorrect) spelling of my name, had suggested it "all be right" if I faked a teaching certificate. Classic example of what I have read of recruiters' various displays of morality. According to their harshest critics, recruiters will say anything to get a foreigner to China and then once the foreigner is there they are in the pocket of the school the recruiter works for.

I've read a handful posts on forums from people who have been victims of shady recruiters. It is true that anybody really could have written the posts, elaborately detailing the trouble caused from a recruiter, but I don't know what someone would get out of that. In any case I think I will try and play it safe, not slip on any Chinese banana peels.

jobs

2011-02-25T04:48:00.005+08:00

Spending hours a day looking for jobs in China is a hell of a lot more fun than spending hours looking for jobs in America. Somehow it is exhilarating. Eventually I have to tell myself to stop saying "one more page" as I wade through pages of job postings. Half of the stuff I've looked at so far is shit but it's still kind of like opening presents on Christmas.

I've applied for a handful of jobs in Hángzhōu, Qīngdǎo and Tiānjīn. I will probably have an interview sometime Saturday with a school and their recruiter. So with the possibility of having a job soon, it is time to get some more last-minute details in order.

What keeps coming to the forefront of my mind has to do with what kind things I will need to bring with me when I go. Camera, computer and clothing I think are the big things...off the top of my head. Maybe some important books, nice pens and a notebook to write in. Some sort of gifts for students. Medications for travel and various illnesses. Flashlight, mp3 player, backpack. What else?? For the amount of visitors I get at this site I don't receive very many comments but I am asking each person who reads this to please list in the comments box some things you would bring if you planned on moving overseas for a year. I think this will be very helpful and elucidating in general.

Thanks for reading my blog again; I will write more in a bit.

Hángzhōu, Zhèjiāng

2011-02-15T04:47:00.005+08:00

I believe that this time I have found a city to go to. Hángzhōu was one of the cities I originally looked up and then somewhat discarded after focusing on dialects. With the help of some friends and some random people I met on couchsurfing who reside in Hángzhōu I think this will be a good choice. The climate sounds nice, public transportation looks to be plentiful and also there seems to be a mixture of city life and nature nearby.

City life...imagine me in a city. I've never really lived in a city. Oh, also important about Hángzhōu is that there are a lot of schools, so maybe I can even get a job and have a reason to go.

I am hoping to leave between June and August and stay indefinitely...I guess. Somehow it is already the exact middle of February so I am going to have to step it up two notches. I've spent the past two and a half hours scouring forums and e-mailing people at universities or language schools about jobs. China is 14 hours ahead of Central Standard Time so it is 04:22 there right now and I probably won't get any responses for a while. It's weird to imagine being in a completely new place and have no idea what to expect about anything.

Let me know what you think, any suggestions, etc!

dialectal struggles

2011-02-01T13:20:00.006+08:00

Well, it turns out I don't have as much figured out as I originally thought. In my search for a new home I assumed I could use temperature as one of the main determiners: Warmer latitude = warmer heart = good home. Doesn't entirely work that way I guess. Part of my goal in going to China is to study Mandarin. From my detailed internet research, most of the cities that I had been considering speak dialects that are not "mutually intelligible" with Mandarin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Chinese_dialects). According to the map Chóngqìng speaks standard Mandarin but further research has suggested Sichuanese Mandarin is spoken there. A handful of expats in China have recommended moving toward Běijīng or Tiānjīn.

Honestly, having never been to China or really understanding a lot of Mandarin, I have no idea what all of this means. Even if I ended up somewhere where I couldn't informally learn Mandarin by speaking to the locals I am sure I would enjoy it as much as possible. The ultimate goal is for moving to be a good experience for me.

This entry really hasn't provided as much resolve or insight as I'd hoped and now I am just more confused. That and thinking about food poisoning...maybe stomach flu...whatever I have right now...and whatever future struggles I will have with foreign food and digestion. I guess that is truly pointless though, maybe I will react better to Chinese food than I do to food here.

Screw this for now. Let me know if you have any insight into these observations! Thanks.

126 yuan and getting closer

2011-01-26T06:39:00.004+08:00

The other morning I went downstairs to scan a map and print it out. Only problem was my dad was at computer looking at tennis matches or finances or something. He started talking...and in general I don't just interrupt and change the subject...but really I wanted to not hear him talk. So I shared with him that I was researching Nánchāng and seriously considering it. I mentioned I saw flights from Nánchāng to Shànghǎi for what would be around $40. I knew what would happen next. He pulled up ctrip.com (a Chinese airfare website) and started plugging in destinations and asking questions with his trademark investigative journalist tone. This was almost worse than listening to him talk about whatever he talking about before and I began to question ever opening my mouth.

My father and I then looked up some currency conversions just out of curiosity and tried to find out the denomination that was lower than a yuan and other names for the bills, kind of like how we say five bucks, five dollars, five bones, etc. A site with pictures of the money came up and he asked if I had ever seen it and I said yes but not in person, so he said, "come here." We went to his room and he opened a drawer in his dresser and pulled out those secret travel pouches that you wear around your waist to hide your money and passport in while you're traveling in DANGER ZONES. He pulled out a bunch of colorful bills and showed them to me. I really like foreign currency, it has always fascinated me; the colors, textures, holographic pieces. I said thanks for showing me and handed it back. He said, "here, just keep it. I'll give you more when you go." Scores...126 times. Those are the bills I have on my wall in the picture digitally embedded in my previous post.

Bigger and better things: sent out e-mails to universities in Nánchāng and Guìzhōu today, asking if they had any need for English teachers. Also e-mailed my Chinese professor and asked if he could provide a letter of recommendation for me, as some schools request this. And I want to recommend checking out couchsurfing if you plan on traveling anywhere unfamiliar. I have received numerous detailed helpful responses from Chinese natives and expats teaching English who came up when I searched various locales in China.

Gotta go, byeeeeeeeeee! Let me know what you thinks.

practice

2011-01-25T07:14:00.015+08:00

Today I went with along with Andrew to Dallas to run an errand. After waiting in the office for a while I went outside to take medicine for a blooming headache. out in the car I picked up one of my books about living in China and started browsing it. It begins...

"Is China right for you?" was the first sentence of the book's introduction. I mentioned in of my first entries how I know many things will be hard for me. According to what I've read about people who will enjoy or adapt to living in China, I am the perfect candidate to not go. I don't mind people staring much; that happens a lot here with my long hair and rebel-look. But, "you'll have a rough time if...you have high standards for cleanliness and service"...I really like cleanliness, I would even say if it could be, it would be a hobby of mine. As much as I try to be laid back (and have even become more laid back over the past few years), poor customer service is irritating. There have been times I have ended up walking behind the counters at restaurants because I got tired of waiting for refills. Also, some people call me patient...but others don't, if you know what I means. Oh yeah, personal space is always a hobby of mine....

However, I really want to do this. By now I have probably spent more time researching going to China than I did researching everything I ever researched combined during my college career. I guess that alone doesn't mean anything but maybe it sounded cool. Constantly I am excited to read and research China, look at maps and practice Chinese. I even managed to rearrange my room so it's more conducive to research, print out maps to take notes on and send out dozens of messages to strangers in China about moving there. For me it's a pretty big deal considering I will soon have a blog entry called "the myth of a sandwich" which will chronicle and analyze my ability to stand in front of the refrigerator and eat (by themselves) the ingredients of a sandwich while perplexedly being unable to assemble those ingredients into a sandwich.

126 yuan and a map of China posted to the wall...my office.

None of this really has anything to do with what my actual experience in China could be though; it's all theoretical right now, but I am definitely going to go and see for myself. Today while we were in Dallas and I was waiting for Andrew I decided to explore unfamiliar territory. So daring, this recluse walked around a handful of city blocks while trying not to feel or appear nervous and unsure of what I was doing. I picked up some free papers from one of those free paper stands and watched the DART go by. I walked by an assisted living center and looked up at the windows with their beautiful towering view of a medical plaza and 75. I even saw an old person up there staring out the window...and I waved at them!! This is practice. I'm practicing for being in China!! Maybe one day no one will have the slightest idea how uncomfortable I am just living in this world. jk.

So...let me know what you think.

Nánchāng, Jīanxī

2011-01-22T14:13:00.009+08:00

~~The more I read about Nánchāng, the cooler it sounds. Travel proximity. Lakes and rivers so I can find somewhere to look at dragonflies. Climate.~~

~~I will revise this later tomorrow with more info. Look it up and let me know what you think about it!~~

See entry on dialectal struggles.

hot pot experience

2011-01-20T08:51:00.008+08:00

Last night Shawna and I went over to her grandparent's house for his 83rd birthday. Admission: I didn't actually know the gathering was for his birthday, I just went to hang out and try hot pot. Hot pot is a type of cooking where you have a pot full of simmering water (or stock) in front of you and everybody just drops in the foods they want to cook--veggies, herbs, thinly-sliced meats, seafoods, etc. The food then cooks in the hot pot. Pretty straightforward naming system. After the food is cooked, you take out whatever you threw in the pot and put it or dip it in a bowl with sauces you can mix up to make it spicy or salty.

At the table we had two burners with pots on them. Our water came pre-installed with mushrooms and some other stuff that I couldn't make out. In front of us there were plates full of onions, cabbage, spinach, fish balls, lamb, beef and a bag of carrots that I never saw get opened. That bok choy stuff was there too. Later shrimps were introduced as well as remnants of tiny octopuses. There was a second table with a pot on a burner and that was for vegetables only, for those who don't like to eat meat; it just had tofu and veggies. Since Shawna was the only vegetarian that one was basically all her.

I had the camera in the car but I didn't bring it in. I have to start bringing it and taking pictures more but sometimes I feel like it is belittling the whole situation or like I am using them as a spectacle or circus and it is all for my entertainment.

I really like the idea of hot pot. Warm soup-like foods seem to have a calming nature. Though it hasn't felt like winter and I don't like winter, it is nice to imagine eating hot pot during a cold day.

Beyond the actual food, the dinner experience was good as well. I got some chopstick practice in. Lots of Shawna's biological and by-marriage family members were there. I like her grandmother and grandfather's voices and they both look like they have a lot of stories to tell. We didn't practice much Chinese while we were there but we plan on going back.

location conundrum

2011-01-16T08:41:00.007+08:00

Goal being to move to China...and move to implying a destination, it is becoming more apparent that I am going to have to choose a destination to move to. Before I started researching I didn't really know this trivial fact, but...China is a large country...the third-largest country in the world according to some. The United States of America falls either slightly behind or ahead of China in terms of area (depending on whether territorial waters and disputed land between India and China is included).

USA superimposed on China (not including Alaska and Hawaii).

If I were going to move to the USA I would probably notice that there are some differences between New York City and Los Angeles, as well as between Wyoming and New Mexico. NYC and LA both have larger populations as cities than Wyoming and New Mexico have as states. Terrain and temperature differences can also be at extremes. So I need to figure out the factors with which to whittle down my choices of cities to live in. I hate cold weather and that is one of the top factors I am going to start with. South of the 35 degree latitude line. I'm not sure about population. Chóngqìng, Guǎngzhōu and Shànghǎi are the largest cities will allow for easier travel throughout the country, but cost of living and pollution will also be worse. A smaller city could be really interesting as well for me, maybe more interaction with the same people.

Ultimately I'm sure any choice will make me happy. Different struggles, different rewards. Please chime in with other factors. Thanks for reading!

will to focus

2011-01-14T12:12:00.008+08:00

I have been struggling to focus on projects for a long time now. Photography, music, writing. I sit down and get started only to get sidetracked and have more than a dozen tabs open in two different browsers.

I have wanted to publish a book of my writings and photographs for years now.
I have wanted to record certain pieces of music for years now.

Previously I thought I was not accomplishing these goals because I didn't have the know-how or equipment. Now, I basically have both or the means to acquire both but still I haven't seemed able to finish even a small book or one song. Part of the issue is a perfectionist attitude toward the work. Part has been because of troubles focusing and seeing a task through. Some things just seem to be so big and encompassing that I have no idea where I to start and I get frustrated before I even begin. I know, this is a horrible attitude.

However, lately I have been making a lot of progress. Forcing myself to complete small tasks without ANY interruption has been very helpful in building patience and stamina.

And now, after having the idea in my head to travel to China to teach English and learn Mandarin I have been making lots of progress. Setting my mind to this, I have been able to dedicate literally hours a day to reading, researching online, looking at maps and sending messages to people in order to try and figure out how to get out of my situation here and into China.

I'm not really romantic or delusional about what China will be. I don't imagine tranquility or a whole new outlook on life. I know it will be a struggle and incredibly frustrating for me. I will have to learn to bow to the cultural ways of others instead of obstinately saying those ways are outdated and inefficient. Still, I want to go and challenge myself.

Okay enough for now, hope there was some resolution there.

Tanx for reading. Let me know what you think, insights, opinions, etc.