Not Day One of a diet, or a challenge, or a new fitness program.

Day One of choosing not to keep sliding.

A few months back, I built myself up to walking 21km. Probably pushed a little too hard, too soon. A couple of weeks ago, I still managed 10km. But right now? I feel like I’m trapped inside a real-life fat suit; unfit, inflexible, and perpetually out of breath.

I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. And I don’t just mean the number on the scales… I feel it. In my knees. In my neck. In the way I move. Or don’t.

The frustrating part? I remember what it felt like to be 40 or 50 kilos lighter. To move easily. To run. To feel strong and capable and clear-headed. That memory isn’t distant, it’s just painful right now. Because I’m so far from it.

And ironically… I’m building Runners Gateway—a supportive, realistic online running community that champions walking, run-walking, and taking things slow.

Right now, I’m barely walking myself.

So this week, I launched a 5-day “Runner’s Reboot” challenge in the community, and I decided to take part in it, honestly. Fully.

Today I vowed to go for a lunchtime walk, no matter what. But life had other ideas… back-to-back meetings, and by the time I came up for air, the rain was hammering down.

Now I might have said, “Oh well, start tomorrow.”

But I didn’t.

After dinner, I laced up my shoes and went for a 15-minute walk. Just 1km. That’s all I had.

It didn’t flow. It wasn’t comfortable. My heart rate climbed to 130 bpm just plodding. My body felt like it was fighting against me.

But I did it. And that matters.

Because this isn’t about how fast or how far. It’s about keeping the promise I made to myself. It’s about not letting the day slip into another excuse. Another delay. Another “tomorrow.”

So yeah… heavy legs. Heavy heart. But I walked.

And that is a win.

Right now, I feel like shit. I’m tired all the time. I’m carrying more weight than I ever have. I’ve got two bikes, a rowing machine, and not a single habit of movement. Even walking has become a memory.

I eat crap. I sleep tethered to a CPAP machine. I take diabetes medication every day and wonder how much damage I’ve done… again.

I’m 56 now. And weirdly, this feels a lot like 42.

But here’s the thing: I remember what it felt like to climb out of that hole last time. I remember the day I decided I wasn’t going to be Mr Fat Guy anymore. The first walk. The runs that followed. The spark of momentum. The lightness that wasn’t just about weight.

That version of me still exists. He’s just buried under fatigue, frustration, and a life that’s crept out of alignment.

I don’t know exactly how I’m going to get back. But I know I’m not giving up.

So here it is. My line in the sand. Not a big announcement. Not a comeback. Just a quiet reset. A gentle return.

10 minutes of movement a day.

One better meal.

A bit of stillness.

One step at a time.

This blog has always been my place to tell the truth. So here it is: I’m struggling. But I’ve started.

If you’re here and you’re in a similar place, know that you’re not alone.

This is the beginning. Again (for the millionth time).

one thing that HAS happened recently is that i have taken my latest downtime as a chance to take stock of where things are at, what is working for me (there are a few), what is working against me (there is a lot), and what i want to do about that.

at the time of writing, i am quite surprised to find myself writing on this blog; then again it is where it all started, so maybe i shouldn’t be so surprised. what has led to me to be writing here is a sense of things getting a bit too much. too many blogs, too many pages, too many social media accounts. all the result of being inspired, and following those flashes of inspiration.

multiple online personas, all demanding attention. not sustainable, especially when you have work and life in general to attend to.

now i did give a couple of other platforms a chance for a digital reset and declutter – substack for example – but whether it’s the comfort of the familiar, or because this blog is genuinely a place i can just post, easily and quietly, i landed back here.

current focus

so what is going on for me these days? well, i signed up for a 50km ultra in january next year, for one thing. and that seems to have become my sole point of focus in terms of getting back to running. by which i mean that i have mapped out a plan for the next 38 weeks or so, that will take me from zero running, low fitness levels, and being hugely overweight, to being able to run/walk (or walk) the 50km distance inside of the 12 hour cut-off time.

sound familiar? sure, it was a marathon goal back then, and no fixed timeframe, but what’s a few km more and a few months less?

so i guess that’s it really. it all started again this week, and my intention is to log daily details. just like the good old days!

three day catchup

to summarise the first few days of the plan…

i failed to get outside on thursday, so that was a great start.

friday was better – i headed out for the 15 minute walk that should have happened the day before. at about 5:30am

today? the scheduled 15 minute walk happened at 6am.

diet and hydration

i am actually fairly happy with hydration, overall. it’s a habit that has stuck, mostly,

diet? yeah, about that… if i am brutally honest, it’s shockingly bad at times. but, in fairness to myself, also very good at other times. it’s probably best characterised as reasonably healthy with bursts of self-sabotage. actually, let’s talk about that…

a couple of years ago i was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, and in the immediate aftermath of that i plunged back into low carb eating. my blood sugar levels were dangerously high, so i ate really well in addition to taking diabetes medication and (for a short time) insulin injections.

previous attempts at low carb eating had proven to be very effective, but somehow not sustainable (mostly due to my sweet tooth and love of pastries, cakes, bread, twinned with my apparent inability to moderate). this time was different – it was a serious medical situation, and my life pretty much depended on doing the right thing (that’s the mindset i had anyway).

i honestly don’t know when things started to slip, but over time i have allowed myself to eat the occasional treat, which stealthily became more than just occasional. i even notice myself saying more and more that i take medicine that allows me to eat this stuff. while that is true to a degree, if i keep overloading my system then my body will react further, and eventually require more medication.

not good, no matter which way you look at it.

this is my line in the sand

i guess that’s the point i have reached; realising that things need to be turned around, and possibly hitting the same kind of low that led to the original “no more mr fat guy” decision in late 2011 / early 2012.

this time i’m starting at (almost) 56. while i know that what worked for the 42 year old version of me might need tweaking to account for the extra 14 years and the diabetes/medication, i do at least have a good idea of what needs to happen.

for example, this blog/journal, and the goal to finish a marathon (or ultra lol).

why is structure important?

go back a few years (quite a few now) and I would have told you that structure was restrictive, that it got in the way of a free-flowing existence, and essentially made life boring. Maybe I thought I was being “edgy” or something, pushing back against the system or whatever… but mainly I was just. simple. wrong.

the process of becoming a runner taught me that structure is what enables better use of time, and better use of time is what enables doing more with life. that old cliche, in many ways, that we all get the same number of minutes per day and the only difference is what we do with those minutes.

anyway, it’s structure that makes that stuff possible.

what do you mean “structure”?

it’s up to you, really. are you someone who actually likes having your day laid out as a highly detailed, minute-by-minute timetable? if so, do that. however, if you’re like me, you’ll most likely appreciate taking a slightly lighter approach in the first instance, and then let things build from there. you know, one step at a time!

for example, let’s say you’ve set your sleep routines so that you generally go to bed around 10-10:30 each night, waking somewhere between 5:30 and 6am. this leaves 6am to 10pm as the hours that you’re conscious, aware, and capable of doing things.

so let’s start by blocking out your workday – for argument’s sake, 9am to 5pm, pad that out with 30-60 minutes before and after (commute time), and you’re left with two segments for your work days; 6am to 8am, and 6pm to 10pm.

maybe you want to get some physical activity done in the morning, and still have time to get ready for work. so you might split that morning block in half.

then maybe you want to include a bit of meditation in your life, work on a “passion project”, read a book, indulge in some TV, perhaps even take the dog for a walk in the evening to help wind down… so how about this.. split the evening into 3 blocks of 1 hour, 2 hours, and 1 hour respectively.

what does this look like?

6am get up, go for a run, swim, walk, gym session etc.

7am breakfast, get ready for work

8am commute

9am to 5pm work (structure your workday in whatever way suits what you do)

5pm commute

6pm eat, watch TV, do a bit of reading, take the dog for a walk etc.

7pm to 9pm passion project time

9pm wind down, meditate, maybe this would be the dog walk time?

10pm dream sweet dreams

make it your own!

let’s be honest, some days will be different to others, things will crop up, life will require you to adapt. and your weekends are going to look different (probably?) but something resembling the above “plan” will take you from the idea of setting sleep routines/habits to putting a clearer shape on the whole 24 hour period.

oh and one last tip… you can probably tell from the way I laid it out, but unless your passion project and your work are the same thing, use the commute times as buffers between work and the rest of your life. that’s all there really is to “work/life balance”, it’s not complicated!

anyway, give it a go, tweak it to suit your own circumstances, and I am sure you’ll soon start to see the benefits.

you know what it’s like, making a new commitment to yet another fresh start, bringing renewed enthusiasm and energy to your plans. and once again, eventually, you hit a wall and the cycle repeats.

life, it seems, keeps getting in the way…

your paid employment gets done, your house may not be spotless but it remains liveable, and essentials like groceries and laundry are taken care of. but you’re tired, and you spend most of your free time decompressing from the week.

the idea of getting back to fitness and health levels previously enjoyed, or working on your bigger goals and dreams, well they stay stuck as nothing but pipe dreams don’t they? the ambitious plans take a back seat. slowly but surely.

now the problem is not having plans, goals or dreams, nor is it that you lack genuine desire to change things. the problem is planning to do it all at once.

you need to use the power of one

one step
one action
one area
one focus
one aspect

for example… you might want to create a life where you work full time, but still have time to get fit, stay healthy, and pursue interests and passions in your spare time. perhaps even start a “side hustle” to bring some of those things together. but you’re tired, your day runs away from you, you are left with no time or energy to do any of that.

you might look at this situation and decide that you need more rest, healthier eating, more hydration, more exercise, a structured day, and allocated time each evening to spend on your hobbies and interests. you’d be right, you do need all of that, but putting a masterplan in place to do all of that from day one…. is doomed to fail (9 times out of 10 at least).

so, what to do?

draw a line in the sand,
accept that things are not where you want them to be,
keep in mind the vision of how you want things to actually be,
take one action step that starts to address the lowest tier of your issues.

sleep. focus on creating good sleep habits and routines. forget the rest for now, and focus on creating a solid foundation upon which everything else will be built.

it’s been an interesting couple of years, with fitness and training on a steady downhill path, culminating in a couple of health issues; sleep apnoea and then type 2 diabetes. it certainly explained a lot, and at the time of writing the sleep apnoea has been under control for 8 or 9 months, and the diabetes for just over 5 weeks. the latter part of that being precisely the reason why this feels like a new chapter.

over the coming weeks, months, years, I’m sure that there will be plenty of opportunity to share more about my diabetes experience, maybe even the sleep apnoea, but for now let’s just say that it’s great to be buzzing with energy again, and looking forward to getting back to… well, everything… training, blogging, running, triathlon, and much more.

it is my hope that I will be able to share all kinds of things with you, and who knows, maybe you’ll find something useful or helpful along the way!

to cut a very long story short, the past 5 years have seen:

• relocation to the southern suburbs, 50km from the cbd
• a very busy period at work, leading my team through various changes
• a focus on spending time with my now teenage son
• a number of health and injury issues that put a temporary halt to the ironman goal
• being diagnosed as having severe sleep apnoea
• losing all fitness and gaining about 50kg

these things no doubt are interlinked, but the reality is that there has been no training of any kind, for a year or so, and while I am very happy with my life, my work, and where I am as a person… I really don’t like feeling out of shape and hugely overweight; especially as I still remember how good it feels to be lighter and fitter…

there are many reasons that might explain how I got to this point, but to be honest, it’s far better to put the energy and focus on changing things yet again… the ironman triathlon goal is still there, but for now it would be nice to be able to do parkrun (5km). walking would be a start, running it again eventually….

so I guess it’s “no more mr fat guy” take 2 – it should be interesting

Subsequent to this, the second half of the year went a bit wonky. I was aiming to take part in (and complete) my first 70.3 “half ironman” at Busselton, but it was always on the very edges of possibility, and a significant period of illness put paid to any hopes of being capable of getting it done within cut-off.

Instead of doing the 70.3 at Busso, I ran the “magical mushroom forest trail” 30km event, an event that I enjoyed, but also where I finally accepted what the scales were already telling me; I was back to “obese” status, the weight had piled back on, and my fitness and training were suffering massively. I started to doubt my ability to complete the 6 inch trail ultra, and this weekend just gone, that doubt was confirmed as being fully justified. I reached aid station 1 just about at the cut-off, and reached aid station 2 about an hour after cut-off. My six inch tally now looks like this; one finish, one half distance finish, 2 full distance DNFs… not good enough!

It’s not all bad news though – fact is that even though I am less than 10kg away from where I started in 2011, my fitness and endurance are worlds apart from that time. I can still run 30km, 40km or more (given the time), I have started to regain the ability to swim properly, and I can also ride decent distances too. I know how things have gone backwards, and I also know why, and most importantly I know the steps I need to take to reverse things!

I also know what I am capable of when I get things back on track… but for now the important thing is that the wake up call has been received, and it’s time to get back to basics. I finally accept that things have slid back further than realised, that I can’t just tweak a few things and train to the levels I had reached before. It’s time to get right back to basics, with food, with training, with habits…

Of course, I still have goals well beyond the basics – I still fully intend to do the 70.3 at Busselton in May, I still fully intend to run Gold Coast Marathon in July (and aim for a marathon pb), and I still fully intend to go back to 6 inch in December, and increase my official finish count by 1….

I also intend to run the 4 remaining perth trail series events (long course option) and the other 2 forest trail series events… so yeah, not really back to basics in the full sense of things, but alongside all those goals and those events, I need to focus on basic habits, hydration, nutrition, being active in between training, and consistency. I think, actually, I lost a bit of mojo for a while, not sure how or why exactly, and I guess it’s just one of those things, part of the natural cycle of things…

The rest of 2017 will be spent taking things fairly easy, making a start on those habits mentioned above, and planning for next year.

2018 will be the most awesome year yet…. watch this space

why do I say that? well, mostly because of the doubts I have about being able to successfully complete the 70.3 distance in December, due to an ambitious goal being made even hairier with this setback.

realistically, those doubts are more accurately described as inner knowing that I am not really ready for the half ironman distance, though all things being equal, I would have given it a good crack in December..

the original plan was to race the 70.3 distance in May, and I allowed myself to listen to the encouragement of others, and to believe December was achievable.

the thing is, it’s a massive step up from a couple of short distance triathlons in the first half of this year, and at the same time, I am not in the condition I was in 2014 – which really is where I need to be for the 70.3 to be anything more than an utter slog-fest.

and when you look back at other achievements, yes, sure, I’ve achieved some big goals. however, none of them was achieved in a step or two. they were built up to, smaller goals were achieved along the way, and experience and confidence was built in doing that.

this is how I should be approaching the half ironman, instead of aiming high and then getting frustrated and stressing.
this is how I was planning to do things in the first place…
so with that said, there will be no Half Ironman in December this year, what there WILL be is participation in some of the local shorter distance triathlons, eliminating perhaps in the Olympic distance at Mullaloo in April, and then the 70.3 in Buselton in May!

This actually sits within a larger project, with the ultimate goal of a full Ironman in December 2019, and the Australia Day Ultra 100km in January 2019. Between now and then, May 2018 and a couple more 70.3s might be good, and I also want to be at the Gold Coast Marathon in July for the 40th anniversary of that great event, and this time I want sub-5 to be realistic…

it took me a while to finally accept the reality that had been starting me in the face for a while – that I have made a lot of progress in the last couple of years, but I am still climbing back up from the post-event slump that occurred after arriving in Brisbane 2 years ago (all but a few days)…
time to finally accept that even after you achieve some big goals, other big goals need just as much effort and preparation; they don’t just all in your lap.
and I am very comfortable with that

#nmmfg #makelifeamazing #roadtobusso #project50

I decided a while back that I wanted to give myself the best possible chance of a good run there, and so I spoke to Dave Alley about his online coaching.

Now you may remember that Dave is the guy who ran all the way around Australia, covering about 80km or so per day and with no rest days! As we were on the road at the same time, it seemed like a good connection to build on. It also reassured me that Dave would “get” me and understand my needs for bigger goals further down the track.

I already gave him a taste of this by asking his advice regarding the 24 hour track ultra in August. “You certainly know how to punish yourself” was his response

So today was scheduled as “strength training”. A particularly horrible routine where i did a warm up walk, a cool down jog, and 3 sets consisting of things like plank hold, lunges, squats and calf raises.

It was horrible because, quite frankly, I’ve neglected to do sessions like this for a while now. It was even harder than I thought it would be, but my sore quads reacted very favourably to it (though I’m sure they will complain later)

i look forward to reaping the benefits of working with Dave, and putting in my best possible effort on the Gold Coast in July!

To find out more about Dave Alley, check out Alley Health & Fitness Australia on Facebook!