Naked Condo

meta: why all the pr0n?

2009-08-16T14:27:00.003-04:00

I used to write about all sorts of sex-related things but honestly, if there's very little response, who can be bothered sustaining that? Which is why it is mostly down to the, err, lowest common pornographer.

lonely, but...

2009-08-16T14:22:00.004-04:00

Here's what I wrote in response to Dan Savage's July 30, 2009 "Only the Lonely" column in the Stranger. A comment which (for the moment?) seems to have disappeared, but anyway. Update - comment is now posted. (I guess they have a moderation process or something.)

I don't think you can give any one definitive answer, as people are coming from widely different perspectives and life experiences. IF their top of mind is being a virgin, or having sex, then a sex worker may be a solution. Of course, some are going to consider paying to lose their virginity to be a failure. There are lots of things that you can buy that people would rather earn through their actions. There are also lots of unintentional traps. For example, people may say, "just be yourself", but what they really mean is, be an idealised, customised version of your core self, be your best self. But even then, suppose your interests lean heavily to the male geekery side - computers, and D&D, and science fiction, and that whole package. If you're in your 20s, that's maybe less of a problem, as the culture has broadened considerably, and everyone uses computers and goes to SF movies these days. Which is the other issue - the dating experience at 40 is very different from the options at 20, whether it's 2009 or 1989. For example, "make friends, hang out with them" - yeah that's great, except your friends at 40 are all married, with kids, and do married-with-kids stuff with their other married-with-kids friends. It is true that the net is enabling people to connect around interests, but again, people in their 20s have lots of time to wander around various interest groups and make connections. People in their 40s are mid-career, they're busy. Even if they're alone, they're busy. Plus which, think about what someone at 40 who has had experiences somewhere between "never kissed a girl" and a few fumbled relationships - and think about his peers in his age group: women who are divorced, women with kids, women who, for the most part, have been having relationships and sex for what, 20 years or more? That is a pretty wide chasm to bridge. I don't buy that it's necessarily life-success related or that it's all Aspergers either. I find the involuntary celibacy ("incel") ideas more compelling. There are people who just never "get" socialising or at least they don't under it in their teens, and by the time they figure out what it's about, they're decades past the easy socialisation opportunities of their 20s. If it's just sex, then fine, pay for it. If it's just orgasms, then keep on masturbating. If it's about having a real relationship, you're talking about a much more complex path for someone to follow, if they're already mid-life. (Note: this comment also posted to my blog.)

accounts are fantasti.cc

2009-08-03T17:26:00.002-04:00

Another account I'd forgotten I have

http://fantasti.cc/user/nakedcondo/

Like StumbleUpon, it's a site where you can collect images, in this case it's specifically for porn.

Apple Tablet as optimal mobile porn device

2009-08-03T15:37:00.003-04:00

Sure, you can get porn on your iPhone, but really the screen is just too small. It's better suited for text, if http://www.literotica.com/ is your kind of thing.

A netbook is not bad for e.g. porn surfing in bed, but again the screen is often too small, and the keyboard tends to get in the way - it's hard to find a good position to prop a laptop up when laying in bed. As well, full-sized laptops have major heat dissipation issues and sitting on the bedcovers they can have fan ports blocked (and in fact the death of my iBook may have been due to overheating).

The Apple Tablet looks like a reasonable mobile porn surfing compromise - although the screen is only 10", that's still a fair size, and it should suit itself much better thermally and in terms of interface to hand-held operation. Err, one-hand-held operation.

PC World has a reasonably up-to-date article on the speculation

http://www.pcworld.com/article/169476/apple_tablet_prototype_is_real_nov_launch_expected_says_report.html

meh

2009-07-13T11:23:00.001-04:00

Whether it's this blog, or Facebook, or FriendFeed, or Twitter, or my porn collection on StumbleUpon, it's all just talking to myself. So I'm tired of it all again.

41 YOV

2009-06-09T06:55:00.002-04:00

Yes, my success continues unabated.
Unfortunately the movie has no sequel, but I do: the 41-year-old virgin.

From the archives: A Galactica appreciation

2009-04-23T16:39:00.002-04:00

My blog content was nuked as totally as Caprica, but some images remain elsewhere. Thusly, with the end of BSG, I (re)present an appreciation of Gina.

She can totally annihilate my planet anytime.

Google Profile

2009-04-23T16:35:00.003-04:00

Can you say you love porn and masturbation in your Google Profile?

Let's find out.

http://www.google.com/profiles/nakedcondo.profile

The answer: NO. My profile is already blocked (just checked on Saturday April 25, 2009).

The blocked profile logo is kind of amusing:

immortal

2009-04-23T16:02:00.001-04:00

To my surprise, although my account ended 4 years ago, my account page still lives on at

http://suicidegirls.com/members/nakedcondo/

Seems more like immortalitygirls than suicide.

Music to be naked by

2009-04-23T15:54:00.002-04:00

How could I not point you to the Condo Fvcks and their album, Fvckbook.

According to Google Translator

Hello. I just learned that on my birthday, not long ago, Yo La Tengo, banda legendary Hoboken and one of my favorite groups, released a new album under a different name, though:

Condo fvcks.

The disc, in turn, is called Fvckbook (not to be confused with the great-and discharge-binding Fakebook, also of Hoboken trio).

Anyway, I'm just listening for the first time as I write this. Lasts half an hour and audio quality, so to speak, is rather craft. However, I do need to put in this blog. Here goes.

It's a RAR file, but you can open it on Windows or Mac - it contains MP3s.

Condo Fvcks - Fvckbook [DOWNLOAD]

From some blog I found while self-googling Naked Condo.

In case you're wondering about the use of v instead of u, I'm not a prude, it's just that certain words attract rather useless Google hits.

reporting content

2009-04-03T09:45:00.002-04:00

I thought it was worthwhile to post a reminder about this.
To report illegal image content in Canada, use

http://www.cybertip.ca/

You can report anonymously.
It is up to all of us to report these kinds of abuses.

Fleshlight first impressions - October 14, 2006

2009-02-03T08:47:00.002-05:00

It's frickin big, thick,
and also a bit heavy.

[there were pics, but I have removed them]

These characteristics can make it rather awkward to handle.

Even just to grip it, I don't exactly have huge hands, I can only fit about half of the upper part into my hand - it's almost a two-handed job.

In case you're puzzled about how it works, the above pictures are of it with the canister (or case) closed. Both the top and the bottom screw off. I've only used it with the top off.

It's a hard plastic case, with a flexible inner insert - the entire insert can be removed (I can't be bothered to photograph that) and in fact you're supposed to remove it in order to heat it in hot water before you use it.

There are many many different models, this one is the Fleshlight Lady/Vulva Ice/Clear.

Once you're finished, you take the insert out and wash it (inside and out) with more hot water. I found it fairly easy to clean. Then, as they say, "pat dry".

Here's what I have found so far

1. You have to be well hard.
2. If you're using a condom, you have to hold on to it because the inside is so tight.
3. The inside is so tight that, even with the entire lube packet it came with emptied into it, my cock basically would just get stuck inside. I couldn't slide in and out, all i ended up doing was stretching my cock out. Not so very fun.
4. After I poured a TON of Astroglide into it, i was able to slide in and out of it quite well.
5. I liked that a lot. Shot a big load after a few minutes.

It's good practice I think, so different from using my hand.

I wouldn't say better than the hand, but different, and maybe closer to the real thing (that is to say, incredibly messy and a bit awkward).

If you are using a condom, probably best to use unlubed and then just use water-based lube like Astroglide. I found out [link] that most lubed condoms use silicone lube, which is not recommended for the Fleshlight.

Much of this echos what a friend found when he reviewed a Fleshlight I gave him as a gift. Unfortunately while he's an avid jacker, he's not much for experimentation - he prefers his tried and true techniques. Which is quite valid - you should definitely consider how much variety you're interested in - if you're very attached to using your hands in the much-loved "death grip", probably this sort of toy is not for you.

From Archive.org - http://web.archive.org/web/20070427063047/http://nakedcondo.blogspot.com/2006/10/fleshlight-first-impressions.html

Fleshlight review - June 23, 2005

2009-02-03T08:41:00.004-05:00

The Fleshlight fora are filled with ecstatic reviews, so I thought it was time to see what the fuss was about. Plus which NC has had a vibe review, so it was time to get a male toy report in the interests of fair play.

My friend "Blackballed" is a dedicated masturbator, making him a good candidate.

I got him a standard Fleshlight from Venus Envy.

Here is his review:

The fleshlight.
A tepid recommendation.
for the him that's worried that his stroking is falling into a rut.

I first tried no lube at all.
I found I had no hope whatsoever of penetrating. At all.
With lube, things work amazingly smoothly.

As an aide, it's pretty good. ... If you're confident of performing at such-and-such a level, you may stand a better chance of on-demand performance when you send the team to attend someone else's stadium.

It's not that it doesn't live up to what's expected - the product is great - but if you think about it, just fisting yourself is pretty hard to beat.

Is item & shipping worth the $100?

Personally, I will always choose $100 of new porn over $100 of new toys. Not everyone will.
There's nothing wrong with old porn. It may still always remain your very favourite in the world.
But it's old porn.

Some people probably feel that way about other things.

The question may hang on one question:
Do you believe that your hand job beats fucking a slippery bore [hole, not ennui]?
Christian cultural response aside, I believe that a self-hand-job is pretty darned hard to beat for the reason of control over timing and pressure.

"It feels just like a real pussy!" says fleshlight's internet tag.
That's great but, "...even males who masturbate the conventional way don't get as much stimulation from intercourse as from masturbation."

UPDATE 2006-10-14: I have posted my own initial impressions of the Fleshlight.

From Archive.org - http://web.archive.org/web/20070430044112/nakedcondo.blogspot.com/2005/06/fleshlight-review.html

Making a Habit Out of the Rabbit - October 03, 2004

2009-02-03T08:28:00.004-05:00

One in a series of sex toy reviews, from the archives.

She was interested in trying a Rabbit, after all the Sex and the City publicity.

I had some money from Google, thanks to AdSense ads I run on another site.

Thus witness the miracle of capitalism: advertising turned into orgasms.

I didn't know there are different kinds of rabbit vibe, but the (rather difficult to navigate and use) Come As You Are site revealed two: the Rabbit Pearl, which has an external battery pack, and the Rabbit Habit, which has built-in batteries.

Let's call her Ms. Arty Ariel. She says "if anyone wants me to try another sex toy ... leave a comment."

UPDATE: The stuff I write here is true. This is a real review of a real toy by a woman whom I met through this blog. Review follows...

I have Mr. Naked Condo himself to thank for discovering that I am capable of female ejaculation.

You see, we had a deal: Naked Condo would supply me with the Rabbit Habit vibrator (Amazon.com - Vibratex Rabbit Habit Vibrator) and batteries and I would, in return, supply him with a review. Two hours, a 4 pack of batteries, and wet mattress later, I am yet another convert to the ways of the Rabbit. I had been getting by on my trusty Pocket Rocket (Amazon.com - Original Doc Johnson Pocket Rocket Vibrator) but nothing could have prepared me for the intensity of the Rabbit.

The Rabbit was featured in an episode of Sex and the City a couple years ago wherein the premise was a character becoming addicted to the Rabbit. After experiencing it myself, that plot line seems completely plausible.

This vibrator does everything: from stimulating the clit with the fluttering rabbit ears to tickling the vagina with the rotating head and tumbling pearls – and all with two speed controls. You can easily adjust the rotating vibrator and quivering bunny ears from a slow speed to a magnificent finish which I like to call, “OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD”. The double feature also allows you to individually control the vibrator and clitoral stimulation.

After a mere 5 minutes of the initial test, I easily had an orgasm - a very intense one. During the second testing period, I experimented with positioning the dildo and the speed of the clitoral stimulation. Although the rotating head and tumbling pearls are nice, it’s the added speed of the fluttering rabbit ears that accounted for my second explosive orgasm. In fact, not only did I come, I ejaculated – much to the surprise of myself. I admit, I viewed female ejaculation with suspicion and now that I have experienced it myself, I’m somewhat perplexed (and needless to say, addicted) by the whole episode.

Although the Rabbit Habit isn’t the most quiet of vibrators on the market, I would recommend this vibrator for first time sex toy users and vibrator aficionados alike. In other words: buy. the Rabbit. now.

From Archive.org - http://web.archive.org/web/20070427062921/nakedcondo.blogspot.com/2004/10/making-habit-out-of-rabbit_03.html

from the archives: August 30, 2003

2009-02-01T13:48:00.003-05:00

Leah McLaren turns a trip to Club Med into a business expense by writing: Women who travel for sex.

Hello women.
You can have it right here for free. In fact, I'll buy YOU stuff.
I feel like the business manager people. "How can they compete with free?"
Well, apparently they can.
... ¶ 18:28

Whereas now, in 2009, Leah Mclaren... turns a trip to Vietnam and a stay in the Hotel Continental into a business expense by writing: Living it up at the Hotel Continental.

I wonder if I could get a job travelling the world, writing about not having sex in exotic locations.

from the archives: Saturday August 2, 2003

2009-02-01T12:09:00.002-05:00

I went to the diner for breakfast and read the Globe. I did not meet anyone. ¶ 14:19 /

(although I nuked Naked Condo's old postings, many of them live on at the Internet Archive - this was the second posting I ever made to NC)

Things have changed a lot in the years since that posting. For example, today, I ... went to the diner for breakfast, read the Globe, and did not meet anyone. (I swear to god, this is true.)

It's possible I'm in a rut.

we have the porn technology

2009-01-30T00:27:00.002-05:00

So the latest thing is FriendFeed, which pulls all of your netself into one place.
And now FriendFeed displays StumbleUpon thumbnails, so if your idea of a fun time is squinting at tiny pictures of possible nudes found on the net, then

http://friendfeed.com/nakedcondo

is for you.

and the danger of lesbianism is...

2008-12-18T18:15:00.002-05:00

pregnancy?

err no offence ladies, but I think you're doing it wrong

friends with detriments

2008-12-06T15:32:00.001-05:00

Genius

http://xkcd.com/513/

what is up

2008-11-13T19:05:00.006-05:00

what is up is I haven't posted to here for so long I had to do the email-my-password reminder thing

ah Naked Condo (NC), have I neglected you since June?

what is up is the usual sort of thing for a 40-year-old with operational gear - of course I have an entire non-NC life - but since NC is all about sex, or the lack thereof...

what is up is when I have time, using StumbleUpon to collect porn images I like, and to social porn-network with others

You're welcome to have a look,

http://nakedcondo.stumbleupon.com/

of course when I say "porn", it's really more "nude art", or as someone artfully put it

That is NOT porn...that is art, merely placed in the wrong hands, so to speak.

So far, this "social" activity has not led to any connections with hot porn-loving babes keen to take my virginity.

Nor has it led even to any meeting of porn-powered male mutual masturbation enthusiasts.

Which latter non-jackbuddying may be for the best, I dunno. The one time I did try it with a friend, I was much more nervous than I expected so while he had a fun time and blasted twice, I barely managed to get one shot off (there was no contact, we just watched each other). Although perhaps in this as with other sexual matters, practice would make perfect.

He's moved away and married now, as are most of my friends. The woe of the 40-yo solo - well I guess you can't win either way - if you're 16, you generally don't dare ask friends to jack and they generally wouldn't dare agree even if you did. Once you're older and no one cares, everyone is married off and busy with their families, and then it's just kinda creepy - what are you going to do, be upfront and ask the wife if she minds her husband jacking with you? Or ask him to do it in secret, which is lame, plus which he probably have neither the time nor the juvenile horny energy, plus which what time he does have for sex he would probably rather devote to, you know, actual sex. Or they do agree, but it's because they have some hidden bi or gay fantasies they want to live out, whereas I just want to hang with ordinary cool straight guys who enjoy jacking to porn.

Or you do meet a girl online, but all you have in common is porn, and how do you get to a regular relationship from there? So, you like porn? Yeah, me too. Umm... so... do you also like... stuff?

Masturbating to porn, while certainly (not?) harmful as a central sex activity, is not exactly generally one that leads itself to building upon, at least if you're not 20 anymore.

Hmm, what else is up... you can also socialise with my pornitude through Twitter

http://twitter.com/nakedcondo

which mostly consists of groundbreaking tweets like "jacking off to computer porn again"

and FriendFeed, which aggregates all of my various porn-presence into one place

http://friendfeed.com/nakedcondo

ah, technology, providing millions of ways to not meet people

I have also tried various sites, with and without pictures of my gear - no luck there either.

So far, unsuccessful approaches have included:
* here's a picture of my gear
* I like to jack to porn, want to take my cherry?
* elaborate non-pornific profile including regular pic
* I have a good job and travel a lot, why don't any of you want me?
* multi-years of writing about sex-related topics that I thought were either amusing or interesting in this blog, before I nuked it

I think it's probably an impossible situation.
Women don't connect to people through their web presences generally, so it doesn't matter that I have an extensive personal presence, work presence, and porn-collection presence. Guys just surf around and jack, and (if they're straight anyway) generally aren't interested in a jacking connection. Plus which any of very small group of girls and guys that might be interested are probably in their 20s.

So what do you do, I guess if you're y0ung and hot you put up full-body shots on hookup sites and have no problems maybe. Probably you have no problems regardless of where you look to meet people.

So what do you do? I guess you can do the whole eharmony, lavalife thing, with the profile and the many full pictures and face photos and the waiting and then you at best have to do the dating and the "so do you like stuff?" conversations.

Maybe it's a guy thing but fvck, who wants to do all that?

What you really want to do is something like, here I am, kinda average, 150 with the usual 40-year-old paunch, still have my hair, gear still works fine and is up every morning like clockwork (also totally average size, uncut, if you like that kind of info), I'd like to just have a regular relationship with ordinary sex with some nice attractive woman.

I like music, movies, television, books, porn, masturbation, walking, the web, a little bit of computer gaming - all the usual stuff, I'm not particularly obsessive about any of them - I have 1000 books, I have a hundred or so CDs, I have thousands of iTunes tracks, I have a few dozen DVDs of movies and TV shows, I have a few hundred nude art images collected online - it's all just different forms of entertainment.

When I think about it, actually what I want is buds, not so much relationships. Either women friends with benefits - some nights we watch movies, other nights we have sex, or guy jacking buddies - some nights we watch TV or play computer games, other nights we jack to porn. I guess this is maybe a bit of an immature approach to life - friends as entertainment partners, but for women it could also go from friends with benefits to girlfriends...

I guess what I'm saying is I don't want the hassle - which of course is not a winner generally speaking with women - they want you to put an effort in, to win the prize. I just want to hang out and have fun, enjoying all of the forms of entertainment available to adults, from watching a good movie, to jacking to porn (with guys) or working on my cunnilingus skills (err, with women, obviously).

Probably an unpossible situation to set up at least for a 40-something purely working on it online. Oh well... back to porn surfing. And that is what is up.

it's official: 40 YOV

2008-06-19T14:37:00.002-04:00

Yeah, it's official, I'm a 40 year old virgin.

In fact, not only have I not had oral or intercourse, I haven't done anything.
No third base, no second base, no first base.
No kissing, no fondling, no holding hands.

I am the purest of the pure.

Well, except for the self-masturbation.

I blame involuntary celibacy.

I would be quite happy to fuck.
Really.
Err, women.

Be my

2008-06-06T08:25:00.000-04:00

http://friendfeed.com/nakedcondo

rolling the link love, after all these year

2008-04-21T15:24:00.006-04:00

Shut down the blog for a year, who is still linking, let's see

Hot Action
Sensual Liberation Army
We Are Making Porn
Bellini-induced Brain Freeze
Step-by-Step Threesome [not really a great match for a guy who doesn't get twosomes, let alone]
Peep Show Stories [which doesn't seem to have been updated since 2006]

A few places I popped up:

TechCrunch, of all places, for blogging about Consumating

Fleshbot when some chick at Western took off her clothes and also for making fun of chicken party hysteria.

More forgotten net presence:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Nkedcondo

http://porn-a-licious.com/user/nkedcondo [which seems to be very slow to post to]

More deleted accounts:
* del.icio.us

Meta Warning: No Warning

2008-04-21T15:15:00.001-04:00

After dutifully activating the Google Adult Content Warning, it appears to be screwing up my web stats (much as described by Dirty Mind at Work), so the heck with that, I'm turning it off.

gir1s blog out

2008-04-19T22:06:00.002-04:00

This blog was originally a reaction to Naked Loft Party.

I see the latest reaction it has generated is Bisexual Gir1s Club, by NLP Lex's wife.