Many years ago when I hit PUBLISH here for the first time, I was so unsure of my future–mourning over the loss of my marriage, and trying to focus on a joyful, grateful heart–no matter how fleeting the feeling was some days. I was working to redefine my life. Writing was a big piece of this journey, and, unexpectedly, I became connected to thousands of people through my writing. They followed me on social media, left comments here, and reached out privately to share their experiences and thoughts.

When people asked why I stopped blogging, I always said because life is so busy now, which is an honest statement. 2014 was the last year I wrote with any regularity, but even that year was a lot less than previous years. 2014 was the year Sean and I married, merged two homes into one (a very painful process–I don’t recommend it), and my business exploded. Yes, I was limited in time. But was that the only reason?

Lately, my fingers have been twitching with a need to write again. But until I discovered within me the “why” of that need, I didn’t want to leap back into blogging.

“Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” ~Marilyn Monroe 

Contemplating the “why,” I realized that life “fell together” for me. I shared in my writing grief, heartache, triumph, uncertainty, joy, confidence, frustration, and more over the years while pursuing being that naked girl in a dress.

Looking back, what was there to write about after 2014? What I was working towards had come to fruition. There were still challenges and insights into living a happy life, but the urgency just wasn’t there to type words and hit PUBLISH.

But something deep inside me knew I wasn’t done. Some bloggers I came up with many years ago have pulled their blogs down. Others have rebranded with a new writing focus. Like me, another percentage transitioned into different opportunities in the digital space. Even though I have only written two blog posts in the last three years, I remained firm in leaving this site up. I am not sure if I knew I would be back or I just didn’t want to take my writing down for others (dormant, this site still has thousands of page views per month).

If the “falling apart” is what brought me into this blogging world, and the “falling together” was the impetus to fade from this space….

Why return to writing now?

In the last year, our world has been falling apart, and there’s no sign we are turning a corner to happier days. Every single day this reality seeps into my psyche, and it’s impacting me. From what I see around me, I am not alone.

I have come to fully understand why my fingers want to get back to work; they want to help me find my way back to more happiness, joy, peace, and a deeper appreciation for what is truly good in this world. At times in our lives, we have to work harder towards achieving peace and happiness. That is the time to be more vigilant in our efforts. For me, an essential part of the path involves writing.

If you are new here, welcome. Take a look around to discover the body of my work here. To my veteran readers, thanks for coming back to join in the conversation again. May we all work towards greater peace, joy, and gratitude in 2018.

~Kelly

After the presidential election, I, like many, struggled. There were tears, fearful thoughts, anger, and more.

Two months later, I took a pro-active approach to inauguration day. Instead of sitting in a puddle of tears, I decided to spend inaugural night attending a special women’s event held at a D.C. restaurant. There were eight organizations in attendance, all focused on different aspects of supporting girls and women through the process of running for office. Along with inspiring speakers and great food was the feeling of camaraderie among young girls and women.

I joined a table of women from different parts of the country and varied careers. Our small group included a college student, educator, and three female entrepreneurs. In between speakers, we had the opportunity to get to know each other, network, and share more about our professional lives. I thought I was with “my people,” only to be shocked as our conversation turned towards hiring practices.

One woman at my table, with great conviction, was explaining to us what horrible employees single mothers made, and that she now has a policy to exclude single moms as candidates when hiring. The women at our table were silent as she continued to spew about her illegal hiring practices….except me.

My response went something like this:

“As a woman who started my company when I was a single mom, and as an employer who has almost exclusively hired single women, I disagree with you. Single mothers probably work harder than most, having the incredible responsibility of often supporting a family solely on their income or with some support supplemented.”

-I was told I was able to successfully hire single moms because I live in a metropolitan city.

-Then it was explained to me that single moms have this sense of entitlement.

-My favorite excuse: I was educated on how difficult it was when a single mom called in because her son was sick. What an imposition! To quote this female entrepreneur: “I mean, am I supposed to do her work then?”

All of the female entrepreneur’s reasons for illegally discriminating against women based upon martial and parental status were met with comments from me.

Points I raised:

• She has illegal hiring practices.
• I have never met a single mom with a sense of entitlement.
• My employees mostly live outside the D.C. area so no “metropolitan excuse” could be applied to my team.

The conversation was calm and respectful, with both of us just trying to help the other understand our position. It ended politely, but with neither one of us shifting in our thoughts regarding her hiring practices.

A few days have passed, and yet I keep coming back to that conversation–no less frustrated than I was that night. Listening to a woman business owner explain her discriminatory hiring practices against women illuminated for me the extent of the systemic problem we have in this country. Men and women, but especially women, have to lift up and provide opportunities to ALL without discrimination. And we have to speak up! The rest of the women had the same responsibility I did to challenge what she was saying. Silence is often confused with acceptance.

Join me in supporting ALL people ALL the time, no matter how uncomfortable it is to call someone out. I know it’s not easy, but it’s our responsibility.

If you recently spoke up in support of a group of marginalized people, tell me about it below!

In the last few years I got a little smarter, sharing a list I created that was only filled with things that would make me happy.  It was certainly a good start in moving towards realistic goal settling. Looking at that list, though, I realize that while all of those things would have made me happy that year, many were not accomplished for either financial reasons or a lack of time. Progress, but not quite the result I wanted.

The very next year I decided to create a simple list of only three words that I would strive to achieve in my life. Easy enough, right? Not really, when balance has been a lifelong struggle. Instead of three words, I probably should have just chosen one. Or chosen some easier words, like “wine,” “baseball” or “sleep.”

Older, wiser, and a few years later, I created a very simple goal for myself. I thought about what one thing seems to be slipping away or bothering me, and just hone in on improving that single aspect of my life. What I realized is that at my stage in life, girlfriend time doesn’t happen unless someone makes a plan. When the kids were younger, girlfriend time was effortless. It involved coordinating time for the kids to play or being part of a pick-up playdate outside in nice weather.

This year, I decided, would be the year of the girlfriend. I have enjoyed more pedicures this year than I had in the last several years combined. Going to work out at a CrossFit box means seeing one of my closest friends. It has involved dinners out, a few wine tastings, and even just walks around the lakes in my community to catch up. It might only be snippets of time in all of our busy schedules, but we are making time to get together. And, what I have found when reaching out to initiate, is that all of us feel the same way about the lack of social time we have now that the kids are older.

The craziness of summer vacations clashing with other friends’ family plans and trying to balance work and life with the kids home has meant fewer outings. With school starting back up, I have a renewed interest in the commitment I made to myself at the beginning of the year. There’s a new pedicure appointment on the calendar, I have a women’s wine tasting dinner with two other friends, a fabulous fall event at Mount Vernon, and I will be back in the box regularly soon.

How are you doing with your resolutions for the year?

Right now is a great time to recommit through the end of 2015.

]]> https://nakedgirlinadress.com/2014/12/christmas-cards-a-six-year-hiatus/ Fri, 12 Dec 2014 13:56:55 +0000 https://nakedgirlinadress.com/?p=9372 The last time I sent a Christmas card was 2007, which was the last year my ex and I were together. Moving out in December of 2008, there was little thought of creating a Christmas card. Without his name or image on the card, I may as well have called it my divorce announcement rather than a Christmas card.

The first few years following the split, a Christmas card felt like printed proof we were broken. I didn’t feel like we were a family anymore; I was just a single mom with her kids. The deluge of cards delivered from families with happy notes and lots of love captured in the images just added to my feelings of familial inadequacy.

There were years when I made an attempt. I would photograph the kids, thinking this is the year I will order. And yet, it never happened. For some reason, no matter how much better I felt about our family status, I was stuck when it came to taking the step of sending Christmas wishes from our family.

If anyone had been with me two weeks ago when I opened the bright orange Shutterfly box, they would have laughed at me. Or thought I was crazy. Who cries, looking at their Christmas card? I did because no matter how good I felt in my single life, I just couldn’t order cards. It’s the piece that never fell into place.

Six years later and newly married, I am sending out my first card since 2007. Finally.

What has been difficult for you over the years during the holiday season?

The big, challenging question I struggled to respond to was this:

“What do you want to find under the tree this year?”

Anything. Nothing. I don’t know.

Not good answers, but I am at a loss this year.

Sean and I married seven months ago. We have wonderful friends, family, and kids. The two of us laugh often, and are healthy.

What is there really to ask for?

Nothing. That’s what I keep coming up with when Sean prods me for Christmas gift ideas, and when I am faced with answering the simple question on a blog.

What keeps coming to mind when I try to think of tangible gifts for under the tree, won’t actually fit in a box. What I want most is more time.

If I could gain time, I would read more, practice the guitar daily, spend extra time with my husband and kids, watch more baseball, cook great meals every night, increase my exercise schedule, and hopefully see my girlfriends more often.

What I realize about the lack of time in my life, is that this is a gift I can give myself. It might mean getting up earlier, delegating more to my team, or being creative with my time, but this is a gift I can achieve.

What is the one gift you are wishing for this year?

Life is too short to…

• Stop dreaming
• Hate
• Live with regret
• Harbor grudges
• Give up on love
• Be unhappy
• Feel unfulfilled
• Drink bad wine

What about you?

Tell me what’s on your list!

Why at this particular moment am I having these thoughts?

Because at 8:40 at night my husband is wall-mounting a television in my office so I can watch game 1 of the first post-season series for the Nationals tomorrow afternoon. This, to me, is my kind of love.

After a long commute home, Sean changed and started this project. The salad I made him for dinner sits half eaten as he works through finding studs, putting brackets on the television, and mounting. There was not a you-have-to-do-this-or-else conversation, and he is not complaining. Instead, he seems genuinely happy to be doing something for me. Not because I will owe him, but because he knows how much joy I will get from being able to watch afternoon baseball games. And that makes this wonderful man happy.

Sean loves me just the way I want to be loved. Whether it’s hanging a television at 8:40 PM on a Thursday or wrapping his arms around me when I have a bad day.

Sean’s love for me is just right.

What quirky way has someone shown you their love?

Share below!

Monkey, my youngest, is the one who most often likes to spend drive time having discussions on everything from childbirth to our favorite letter of the alphabet. Recently he posed this question:

“Mom, is it fun being a grown-up?”

What quickly became clear in our discussion was my son’s concern about life as an adult being terrible because adults have to work and pay for everything. It surprised me because Monkey’s two dads and I are all deeply passionate about what we do professionally, and love our work. Additionally, the kids see how great it is that I own my own company, allowing me the flexibility to never miss a baseball game, see the kids off to school daily, and not work their school holidays.

What I realized in digging deeper into the discussion is that hating a job and complaining about bills is so prevalent in society that our kids are attuned to this. Quitting a job is at the top of the list of what people would do if they hit the lottery, for example. Too often aspects of life are described as a grind rather than a fun adventure.

In speaking with someone this morning, we were discussing the details of his weekend and mine. After hearing I had a date with my husband, a relaxing Saturday, enjoyed football, and worked a ½ day Sunday, he focused on the latter part of my weekend: working. “Oh, that’s too bad,” he stated sympathetically. I found myself in a position not unfamiliar to me: explaining that I love my work.

Have I always been excited to rise each morning to start a new day?

No, of course not.

What we each have as adults is the freedom to make choices. We can better our lives through making changes in relationships (romantic or platonic), careers, financial situations, and many more aspects of life. We all have the ability to make being a grown-up fun.

Along with these abilities to make big life choices for myself as an adult, here are just a few more grown-up benefits I enjoy:

• No one tells me when it’s “lights out” time.
• Making my bed is optional.
• Completing geometry proofs is never required.
• Jumping in puddles in the rain doesn’t involve a scolding.
• I only make vegetables I like to eat.

What about you?

Why do you like being a grown-up?

Image Credit

I planned a wedding, got married, launched a new blogazine, and merged two houses into one a couple of weeks before the wedding. And that was all in the first five months of the year. I went on to have the four younger kids here for a month, served as main taxi service to sports and camps, and helped my oldest just a few weeks before fall semester to re-enroll in college. After we got our oldest situated in school and moved into our home, Sean and I kicked off our major home renovation plans. With the big overhaul to the house happening, we will be living is some state of disarray for many months to come. Oh, and my business has more than doubled in size this year–so work has kept me very busy through all of this.

While it’s all been positive, I am ready to slow down. This isn’t the easiest goal to set for myself though. I am still a mom with five kids, and have a house that will have sections of it torn apart on a regular basis from now until spring. My business isn’t going to slow down either, and the kids’ sport schedules will continue. I know life will remain busy.

What I can do, to get to a less crazy place, is to find moments to be still–whether it’s my body or mind slowing down. This morning, it was enjoying my cup of coffee on the deck and writing before starting my workday.

Here are ideas I came up with to bring about calm in the midst of the crazy:

• Read
• Work in the garden.
• Go for a walk.
• Play a game with the kids.
• Go on an adventure.
• Sit outside and enjoy the cooler weather.
• Write (for this website)
• Go for a run on the canal.
• Practice guitar.
• Date night with my husband.
• Organize something (the end result always makes me happy).
• Cook
• Schedule time with a girlfriend.

Even in the busiest of days, I know at least one thing on this list could be done daily. And with that, a little calm can be added into my crazy.

Tell me: what do you do that helps you to slow down?

It is not length of life, but depth of life.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

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I am never going to get old.

It’s not that I fear aging, but rather don’t want to be that person. The one who stops living life as an adventure because they hit a certain age. I don’t ever want to utter, “I’m too old to do that” when given the opportunity for a new challenge.

This isn’t about desperately holding onto society’s view of youthful beauty. That’s something I haven’t believed in. Instead, as my face changes, I find I like my laugh lines…the little exclamation points, adding a greater emphasis to my expression of happiness.

Being young is about maintaing a youthful state of mind.

For me, staying young has meant continuing to explore, learn, and experience life fully. In the last 10 years (age: 35-45), here’s a sampling of what I have done:

• Taken up running
• Trained and competed in half marathons, duathlons, and triathlons
• Started this blog
• Started learning guitar
• Received a second degree (Photography)
• Started a new business
• Learned new skills (graphic design, coding, web development, for example)
• Got married

Most recently, I took on a new challenge: CrossFit. I had that am-I-crazy conversation with myself, and realized it was something I had to try. I love it–the stretches, the workout of the day (WOD), the soreness that is inevitable, and the camaraderie with the other members of the box (gym). And, most of all, it’s bonding on another level with my husband (the CrossFit addict).

I still have many more things I want to do in my youth, for example:

• Become fluent in a language
• Spend a season living in Tuscany
• Learn how to make gluten-free pasta
• Re-read many classics
• Read other classics for the first time
• Start a gluten-free recipe blog
• Expand my business
• Obtain a Masters of Liberal Studies
• Go to circus camp

I know these great experiences are waiting for me in the next ten years.

Tell me, what do you want to do in your youth?

What are you waiting for?