Namaqualand

Dear Mr President by Gareth Cliff 5 FM SA

altus — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 08:24:00 +0000

OK, I get it, the President isn’t the only one in charge. The ANC believes in "collective responsibility" (So that nobody has to get blamed when things get screwed up), so I address this to everyone in government – the whole lot of you – good, bad and ugly (That’s you, Blade).
We were all so pleased with your renewed promises to deliver services (we’ll forgive the fact that in some places people are worse off than in 1994); to root out corruption (so far your record is worse than under Mbeki, Mandela or the Apartheid regime – what with family members becoming overnight millionaires); and build infrastructure (State tenders going disgustingly awry and pretty stadia standing empty notwithstanding) – and with the good job you did when FIFA were telling you what to do for a few months this year. Give yourselves half a pat on the back. Since President Sepp went off with his billions I’m afraid we have less to be proud of – Public Servants Strikes, more Presidential bastard children, increasing unemployment and a lack of leadership that allowed the Unions to make the elected government it’s bitch. You should be more than a little worried – but you’re not. Hence my letter. Here are some things that might have passed you by:
1. You have to stop corruption. Don’t stop it because rich people moan about it and because it makes poor people feel that you are self-enriching parasites of state resources, but because it is a disease that will kill us all. It’s simple – there is only so much money left to be plundered. When that money runs out, the plunderers will raise taxes, chase and drain all the remaining cash out of the country and be left with nothing but the rotting remains of what could have been the greatest success story of post-colonial Africa. It’s called corruption because it decomposes the fabric of society. When someone is found guilty of corruption, don’t go near them – it’s catchy. Making yourself rich at the country’s expense is what colonialists do.
2. Stop complaining about the media. You’re only complaining about them because they show you up for how little you really do or care. If you were trying really hard, and you didn’t drive the most expensive car in the land, or have a nephew who suddenly went from modesty to ostentatious opulence, we’d have only positive things to report. Think of Jay Naidoo, Geraldine Fraser-Moleketi and Zwelinzima Vavi – they come under a lot of fire, but it’s never embarrassing – always about their ideas, their positions, and is perfectly acceptable criticism for people in power to put up with. When the media go after Blade Nzimande, Siphiwe Nyanda and the President, they say we need a new piece of legislation to "make the media responsible". That’s because they’re being humiliated by the facts we uncover about them daily, not because there is an agenda in some newsroom. If there had been a free press during the reigns of Henry VIII, Idi Amin or Hitler, their regimes might just have been kept a little less destructive, and certainly would have been less brazen and unchecked.
3. Education is a disaster. We’re the least literate and numerate country in Africa. Zimbabwe produces better school results and turns out smarter kids than we do. Our youth aren’t usemployed, they’re unemployable. Outcomes-based-education, Teachers’ Unions and an attitude of mediocrity that discourages excellence have reduced us to a laughing stock. Our learners can’t spell, read, add or subtract. What are all these people going to do? Become President? There’s only one job like that. We need clever people, not average or stupid ones. the failure of the Education Department happened under your watch. Someone who writes Matric now hadn’t even started school under the Apartheid regime, so you cannot blame anyone but yourselves for this colossal cock-up. Fix it before three-quarters of our matrics end up begging on Oxford Road. Reward schools and teachers who deliver great pass rates and clever students into the system. Fire the teachers who march and neglect their classrooms.
4. Give up on BEE. It isn’t working. Free shares for new black partnerships in old white companies has made everyone poorer except for Tokyo Sexwale. Giving people control of existing business won’t make more jobs either. In fact, big companies aren’t growing, they’re reducing staff and costs. The key is entrepreneurship. People with initiative, creative ideas and small companies must be given tax breaks and assistance. Young black professionals must be encouraged to start their own businesses rather than join a big corporation’s board as their token black shareholder or director. Government must also stop thinking that state employment is a way to decrease unemployment – it isn’t – it’s a tax burden. India and China are churning out new, brilliant, qualified people at a rate that makes us look like losers. South Africa has a proud history of innovation, pioneering and genius. This is the only way we can advance our society and economy beyond merely coping.
5. Stop squabbling over power. Offices are not there for you to occupy (or be deployed to) and aggrandize yourself. Offices in government are there to provide a service. If you think outrageous salaries, big German cars, first-class travel and state housing are the reasons to aspire to leadership, you’re in the wrong business – you should be working for a dysfunctional, tumbledown parastatal (or Glenn Agliotti). We don’t care who the Chairperson of the National Council of Provinces is if we don’t have running water, electricity, schools and clean streets. You work for us. Do your job, don’t imagine you ARE your job.
6. Stop renaming things. Build new things to name. If I live in a street down which the sewage runs, I don’t care if it’s called Hans Strijdom or Malibongwe. Calling it something nice and new won’t make it smell nice and new. Re-branding is something Cell C do with Trevor Noah, not something you can whitewash your lack of delivery with.
7. Don’t think you’ll be in power forever. People aren’t as stupid as you think we are. We know you sit around laughing about how much you get away with. We’ll take you down, either at the polls – or if it comes down to the wire – by revolution (Yes, Julius, the real kind, not the one you imagine happened in 2008). Careless, wasteful and wanton government is a thing of the past. The days of thin propaganda and idealized struggle are over. The people put you in power – they will take you out of it. Africa is tired of tin-pot dictators, one-party states and banana republics. We know who we are now, we care about our future – and so should you.

Written by G Cliff of 5FM a south african radio station

A history of Okiep

altus — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 11:17:00 +0000

Okiep is the oldest mining town in South Africa where copper was first discovered and mined in 1855. Phillips and King was the first mining company to actually start mining in Namaqualand although many so called mining companies were formed during the 1850’s copper mining rush from Cape Town. In the 1860’s Phillips and King were taken over by a London based company known as “The Cape Copper Company” and they continued mining in Namaqualand until the 1919 and continued exploration until 1927 when they were liquidated. In 1927 Newmont Mining / American Metal Company, two American mining houses purchased the Namaqualand Copper Fields from the defunct Cape Copper Company and the Okiep Copper Company was formed in 1937 and started mining in 1928. In 1988 Newmont sold the Okiep Copper Company to Goldfields of SA, who in turn sold to Metorex in 1998 and they are still mining in Namaqualand today.

Okiep was for many years the centre of the Namaqualand copper fileds which was known at the turn of the century as the richest copper mining area in the world. This in turn made Okiep famous during the last phase of the Anglo Boer War when Okiep was besieged by Boer Commandos under the command of General Jan Smuts for a period of two months (April / May 1902). When General Smuts invaded the Cape Colony in September 1901 the Boer Commandos made their way to Namaqualand via Calvinia with the idea of capturing the rich copper fields and therefore forcing the British to send their troops to Okiep. This would have left Cape Town open for attack by the Boer Commandos. Unfortunately for the Boers this did not happen as in late April 1902 General Smuts was called back to Pretoria from Namaqualand for the signing of the Peace of Vereeniging in June 1902.

Okiep therefore has a very rich history and the Hotel has on its doorstep two national monuments, namely a Smoke Stack (1880) which acted as a ventilation shaft and Cornish Pump House (1882). The Cornish Pump House is in fact a steam pump engine which is fully intact and is the only remaining pump house of its sort in the Southern Hemisphere. Many of these pump houses remain in Cornwall, England. Much of the old mining works still remain in Okiep, especially the remains of the old Cornish miners’ workings and stone masonry in the surrounding areas.

The earth works of the old railway line between Okiep and Port Nolloth (91.5 miles) still remain as a reminder the old mule train. The railway line was built under the supervision of Thomas Hall, a Cornish Railway Engineer and was built from 1866 and

completed in 1873. From 1873 to 1894 the only form of power on the railway line were mules and the Namaqualand Mule Train was world famous in its time. In the 1894 steam was introduced (Clara, the steam engine and some carriages are on static display at the mine museum at Nababeep) and the whole railway line was dismantled in the late 1940’s and early 1950’s by the Americans.

We have on our doorstep some unique geological formations, namely the Orbicule Hill (koppie) which is only found in Namaqualand and Scandinavia, Narap Meccabreccia and the “Klondike” steep structure. Other unique geological formations are also found in the area together with beautiful unsploit scenery.

Goegap Nature Reserve

admin — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 23:27:03 +0000

Goegap Nature Reserve lies 15km south-east of Springbok in Namakwaland and covers about 15000ha. The name Goegap is derived from the Nama word for waterhole.

The reserve encompasses the typical granite koppies and sandy plains of Namakwaland. It supports close to 600 indigenous flower species and is also home to 45 mammal species, including springbok, gemsbok and the Hartman’s mountain zebra, 94 bird species as well as several species of reptile and amphibian. The vegetation includes a large component of ephemeral plants (plants with a short life span).

Goegap incorporates the Hester Malan Wild Flower Garden, which contains an enormous collection of succulents endemic to the area. 581 different indigenous plants are found here, and some succulents are so rare they are found nowhere else in the world.

The plants burst into colour in the spring, along the roadsides and in vast areas of scrubland that at other times appear almost lifeless.

There are driving routes through Goegap Nature Reserve, but the circular walks and incredible mountain bike and 4×4 trails offer a really unique and beautiful experience during springtime.

A visit to the Goegap Reserve will make a lasting impression with the spectacular annual display of wild flowers in spring.

Visitors to the reserve may take advantage of 3 hour guided tours in an open truck, which are conducted seasonally.

Besides the unbelievable number of floral species, Goegap has recorded 45 mammalian species including springbok, gemsbok, the endangered Hartman’s Zebra and the aardwolf.

Bird lovers will enjoy the more than 92 recorded species manifested and to be viewed in the park including ostriches, black eagles, spotted dikkops and ground woodpeckers.

Bookings for guided tours are essential and may be made with the Goegap Reserve Management. The reserve is open from 08:00 to 16:30 all year round. An entrance fee is payable at the gate.

We recommend Goegap very strongly for nature lovers, and it is a definite must-see during flowering season.

Contact Tel:027 718 9906

Article from linx.co.za

Koos die Eskimo

admin — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 20:17:55 +0000

Koos was gatvol vir Suid-Afrika; die misdaad; sy werk in die polisie; die verkeer in Johannesburg; al die mense net waar jy kyk.

Hy bedank sy werk en emigreer na Kanada.

Die noorde van Kanada, daar waar jy selde ‘n mens sien, ‘n plek sonder misdaad, sonder verkeer, sonder geraas, uiteindelik stilte.

Koos vang vis in die ys.

Verder eet hy van die ton biltong wat sy polisiepensioen gekoop het, nou en dan gevriesde groente.

Een maal per maand skiet hy ‘n takbok vir ‘n braai.

Hy maak sy eie takbokwors en pos pakkies wors vir sy bejaarde moeder in Suid-Afrika.

Koos is gelukkig, sy enigste kontak met die buitewêreld is die klipstapel waar hy sy pos laat en afhaal.

Na ‘n jaar in die koue yslandskap begin hy egter verlang na bietjie geselskap, dalk net iemand om “hallo” voor te sê.

Nog elf maande verloop en Koos begin voel hoe die mure van sy houthuis op hom druk.

Dis amper Kersfees en nou verlang hy erg na iemand wat hy nie ken nie.

12 dae voor Kersfees is daar ‘n klop aan sy deur.

Met bewende hande maak Koos die deur oop.

Voor hom staan die grootste eskimo wat Koos al ooit in sy lewe gesien het.

Dit was nou wel die eerste eskimo wat Koos sien, maar nogtans was dié groter as enige Blou Bul slot wat hy al ooit op Loftus gesien het.

“Goeie dag” sê die harige man.

“Dagsê” antwoord ‘n opgewonde Koos.

“Ek is jou buurman.” sê die eskimo. “Het iemand jou al kom welkom heet in ons midde?” vra hy.

“Nee” antwoord Koos, nou meer opgewonde.

“Welkom dan” sê die eskimo “en laat ek jou dan sommer uitnooi na ons jaarlikse Kerspartytjie.”

“‘n Partytjie!” ontplof Koos, terwyl sy tone begin omkrul.

“Ja,” antwoord die eskimo “maar ek moet jou waarsku, dis nie vir almal nie.”

“Nie almal kan die potte vol vleis hanteer wat ons eet by die partytjie nie.” sê die harige vent.

“Dis mos my kos daai.” antwoord Koos vinnig.

“Die musiek is verskriklik hard.” sê die eskimo.

“Net soos ek daarvan hou.” glimlag Koos.

“Die drank gaan vloei.” sê die eskimo ernstig.

“Dit moet!” gil Koos half histeries.

“Daar gaan waarskynlik ‘n bakleiery wees.” sê die eskimo terwyl hy sy bors uitstoot.

“Ek was in die polisie.” sê Koos en knipoog.

“Daar gaan seks wees.” sê die eskimo.

“Nou praat jy my taal.” sê Koos en knipoog weer.

“Sien jou Vrydag, by die igloo 54 km wes van hier, bring jou eie glas, ys is op die huis.” sê die eskimo en loop weg.

“Hokaai!” roep Koos agterna “Wat trek mens aan na die party?”

“Ag, maak nie saak nie” antwoord die harige reus “dis net die twee van ons.”

Seven Kinds Of Sex

admin — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 21:36:42 +0000

The 1st kind of sex is called … Smurf Sex.

This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called … Kitchen Sex.

This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called … Bedroom Sex.

This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called … Hallway Sex.

This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say … ‘F**k You.’

The 5th kind of sex is called … Religious Sex.

Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called … Courtroom Sex.

This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. She/he takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And . Last … But not least ….

The 7th kind of sex is called … Social Security Sex.

You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy your self.

Two Cowboys

admin — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 21:31:07 +0000

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return.

Two o’clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her..

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.”

He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. “Now take off my socks.”

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.”

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra..” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

Haai Wysheid

admin — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 21:26:13 +0000

Twee groot wit haaie swem in die see en sien ‘n skip wat sink.

“Volg my, seun” sê pappa haai vir sy seun en hulle swem tot by die skip.

“Eers swem ons om die mense in die water met net die puntjies van ons vinne wat wys”

En hulle doen dit.

“Knap gedaan, seun! Nou swem ons om hulle met ons hele vinne wat wys.”

En hulle doen dit.

“Nou eet ons almal.”

En hulle doen dit.

Toe albei dik gevreet is, vra die seun, “Pa, hoekom het ons hulle almal nie sommer net van die begin af opgevreet nie? Hoekom moes ons al om hulle swem?”

Sy wyse pa antwoord, “Want hulle proe beter sonder die stront binne-in.”

Lipstick in School – teach them well

admin — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 08:35:32 +0000

Lipstick in School (You’ve got to love this principal)

According to a news report, a certain private school in Brisbane was
recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were
beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was
fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips
to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the
girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called
all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance
man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major
problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you
can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate
how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the
maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and
cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on
the mirror.

There are teachers…. and then there are educators

40 South Africanisms you should know

admin — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 21:52:15 +0000

BABBELAS (BUBBLE-US): Hangover. Usage: “Jeez, I had too many dops last night. I’ve got a hectic babbelas.”

BAKKIE (BUCKY): What Americans would term a “pick-up”. A two-seater light vehicle with an open rear cargo area. The rear is often used to transport an impossible number of workers who stare back at you in traffic and make you feel awkward and a bit guilty.

BERGIE: Term used for a type of homeless person in Cape Town. Originates from “berg”, which is the Afrikaans word for mountain, referring to the homeless people who used to live on Table Mountain but who now live mainly in the city. Pronounce the harsh “g” as if you’ve swallowed an insect and are trying to clear it from your throat.

BLIKSEM (BLUK-SEM): If you’re in a pub and you accidentally spill a beer belonging to a man with a thick neck, he may say: “Do you want me to bliksem you?” Don’t respond. Just run. Run for your life. It’s the Afrikaans word for hit or strike or punch.

BOET: Means “brother” in Afrikaans. An affectionate (though not too much) term for a friend. It’s like saying “dude” or “buddy”.

BROEKIES (BROOKIES): Panties or underwear. Usage: “I phuza’d with this girl last night and she came back to my hotel. When I woke up this morning, she was gone but she left her broekies behind.”

CAR GUARD: Found in most urban areas, a car guard’s office is the parking lot. He keeps an eye on your car while you’re at the match, in the mall or at the pub. You’re expected to tip him when you return to your car and it hasn’t been stolen or broken into. No. That’s a lie. You’ll be expected to tip him even if it has.

DAGGA: Again pronounced with a harsh “g”. Marijuana. Illegal, but admittedly very easy to get hold if you’re so inclined. Just ask your car guard.

DINGES (DING-US): An indeterminate, nondescript thing or term for an object whose name you’ve momentarily forgotten. Like this: “Please pass me my dinges there.” “What?” “My dinges. I want to blow it.” “You mean your vuvuzela?” “Yes, my vuvuzela.”

DOF: Stupid.

DOP: If someone says “Do you want to go for a dop?” always say yes. It means you’ll be going for a drink.

DORPIE (DOORPEE): Small town. But no matter how small, you’ll always find a KFC. And a pregnant 17 year old.

DOSS: Slang for “sleep”. Usage: “Is it cool if I doss at your place tonight?”

EINA (AY-NA): Expression of pain, as in “ouch”. Usage: “Ooh, looks like Rooney just shattered his pelvis. Eina!”

EISH (AYSH): Common term that denotes a wide range of emotions from joy and surprise to confusion and anger. When in doubt, use it.

EITA (AY-TA): Casual African greeting, like “Hey”. Actually, it’s the same as “Howzit”.

GATVOL: Literally means “hole fill” in Afrikaans. Means you’ve had enough of something that’s making you angry. Usage: “Boet, I’m gatvol of this ref’s bad decisions.” Again with the harsh “g”.

HUNDREDS: Normally repeated twice in a sentence as in “Hundreds, bru, hundreds.” It expresses either total agreement with what someone has just said, or confirmation that your life is all good (eg: “How are you?” “Ah, hundreds, man, hundreds”). Can also be used as a way of simply saying yes.

IS IT?: Actually pronounced “uzz ut”. It’s a casual way of saying “Oh really?”. Usage: “Dude, I saw Messi coming out of a ladies toilet yesterday.” “Uzz ut?”

JA-WELL-NO-FINE: Nobody really knows what this means, because it doesn’t really mean anything. But we like saying it.

JOL: Party. Can be used as either a noun or verb, as in “That was a lekker jol” or “I went jolling last night and ended up in Fabio Cannavaro’s hotel room. It was great. We set fire to it.”

JUST NOW: An indeterminate amount of time. If a waiter says “I’ll be with you just now”, it could mean anything from five minutes, to 10, to never.

KAK (KUK): Literally “shit”. Popular uses include “What a load of kak” and “Don’t talk kak”.

LADUMA: Celebratory exclamation when a goal is scored. For best effect, try to hold the “u” for as long as possible on one breath, so that the ”ma” comes out as a desperate choke.

Laduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.ma.

LANK: Beyond cool is lank cool. Also means a large amount of, as in ”There were lank vuvuzelas at the game last night.”

LEKKER (LAKKA): Great, awesome, amazing.

MAMPARA: Idiot.

MY CHINA: Or just “China”. An affectionate term similar to “boet”.

“Howzit China” is a standard South African greeting. Except when meeting an actual Chinese person. Then you probably shouldn’t say it.

MZANSI: Popular term for South Africa. Best describes our country’s gritty energy and loud African spirit.

NOOIT (NOYT): Expression of disbelief or disdain. As in “Aah, nooit!

There’s chewing gum on my seat!” or “When I saw that advert with Ronaldo striking a homoerotic pose in a pair of tight underpants, I just thought ’Nooit, bru!’”

NOW-NOW: Not to be confused with “Just now”. Now-now is a much smaller indeterminate amount of time. Hmm. Don’t worry – you’ll get it.

PHUZA (POO-ZA): A drinking session. “Phuza Thursday” is a noble tradition in South Africa. Try to uphold it while you’re here.

ROBOT: When you’re asking for directions and someone says: “Left at the third robot,” it is not because our streets are overrun with menacing cyborgs made by Japanese scientists. No. A robot is simply our word for traffic light.

SHARP-SHARP!: Okay. This is a complicated one. An expression of agreement. Or a greeting. Or a way of saying goodbye. Or a way of saying ”Okay, sure.” Or a way of … forget it.

SIFF: Gross, disgusting. “Check, that guy is picking his nose.” “Siff, boet.”

STOEP: A verandah or porch.

TEKKIE (TACKY): Common word for sneakers.

TSOTSI (TOT-SI): Not just the name of the Oscar-winning film made by local director Gavin Hood. Tsotsi is a township term for a young boy who’s already committing crimes like hijacking cars and stealing. Hopefully not from you.

UMLUNGU (OOM-LOONG-GU): African word for “white man”. For a laugh, if someone says “Eita, umlungu!” reply “Sharp-sharp!”

ZHOOSH: Very fancy. A word normally utilised by well-kept women with French manicures who will never, ever understand the off-side rule. Use the word if you must (it feels nice in the mouth), but aggressively avoid these women.

VERY Brave Man Jokes…

admin — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 21:41:53 +0000

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry her!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she’s been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those ‘evolutionary things’ that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with ‘A man once told me…’

How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.

What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won’t do what she’s told.

I married my ‘Miss Right’.
I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90% …
it’s called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.