”World peace will never be stable until enough of us find inner peace to stabilize it.”
~ Peace Pilgrim

As Gandhi says: “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.” 

Lets look at our thoughts, words and actions.
We make war on ourselves -
~ Do you beat yourself up for making mistakes?
~ Do you condemn and criticize yourself as not good enough, lazy, undisciplined?
~ Are there things you just hate?
~ Are you fighting the battle of the bulge?
~ Could you just kick yourself?

We make war on those around us -
~ Is there someone you’re at war with?
~ Are you up for a good fight?
~ Do you believe life should be a struggle?
~ Do you blow up when things don’t go your way?
~ Will you fight to the death for your opinion?
~ Do you have angry words with your neighbor?
~ When angry, do you attack first, ask questions later?
~ What would you do to that driver that just cut in front of you if you could get your hands on him?
~ Are you more interested in being right than making peace?

Anger. Hate. Needing to be right. Criticism. Judgment. War in our hearts and minds.

How do we change it? There’s no one way, and we won’t change it overnight, but here are some ways we can start.

Watch our words.  Words are powerful. So many words we were raised with are words of war. (What did your mom say she was going to do to you when she caught you?) They are words we use unconsciously, without thinking. Being more conscious of our words and changing them when need be is a good start.

Look at our emotions.  So often our anger and frustration comes from needing to be right, needing things to turn out the way we expected. If we look deeply we find that our anger is more about us than them. When you feel angry ask: “Am I angry because I believe things are supposed to be different?” If the answer is ‘yes’ consider that there may be another side.

Listen. Have you spent time getting to know the other side and their perception? Often when we believe we are right we stop listening we decide our way is the only way, we override the fact that other people can have different perceptions.  Stop for a moment and see things from the other person’s point of view. Is there a possibility there’s more than one right way?

Decide what’s more important: being right, or being happy.  There’s the old story about the man who saw the oncoming car in his lane and didn’t swerve because he was in the right lane. He was right – dead right. Sometimes what’s more important than being right is creating a win-win situation.

Take one action towards peace.  What one thing can you do today towards creating peace where you are?Soothe ruffled feathers? Apologize for an oversight? Forgive an old friend? Let peace begin with you.

“Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans. We have learned to live our life trying to satisfy other people’s demands. We have learned to live by other people’s points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else.”
~ Don Miguel Ruiz

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
~ Lao Tze, Tao Te Ching

Not only have we been taught that we’re not enough, but many of us believe that telling ourselves that ‘it’s not enough’ is motivating. Yet while you may push yourself a little harder when you tell yourself you’re not enough you also find you run out of steam faster, get discouraged and have fewer creative ideas to move you towards what you want.

Telling ourselves that we are not enough is actually a form of mental abuse. It continues to beat down our sense of curiosity, experimentation and creativity. When we believe we’re not enough we deny ourselves all kinds of joy and opportunities. Tell someone they are not enough and watch them contract into a tiny ball. Growth expands and moves outward. They are opposites.

How did you get the message growing up that you weren’t enough? From who?
How have you played it out in your life?
What areas of your life to you abuse yourself the most for not being enough?

Here’s the big question, one worth spending some time with: What would you do differently if you believed you were enough?

There are many tools you can use to dismantle these beliefs, but first you must be aware of them. Being aware is the first step. Feel free to share your questions, comments and ideas here!

Some places where I feel joy are:

in the garden

walking in nature

listening to beautiful music

working with people

being with friends

where are yours?

How would your life be different if you believed joy was the purpose of being alive?

What stands in the way of you experiencing more joy?
It can be removed!

“What will that get you?” I ask. “Enough money for a vacation, time to work on a hobby I enjoy, someone to love and appreciate me.” they answer. So what they really want is a vacation, to work on their hobby, and someone to love and appreciate them. Very different things.

I’ve watched people get the first, it’s seldom enough, or something happens; they need the money for a furnace, the time is spent elsewhere, the partner doesn’t appreciate. Yet when we get clear about what we really want often we can skip that first step. We can find a way to take a vacation by house swapping or couch surfing, we make time to work on our hobby and become so engrossed we find ways to make more time, we begin to appreciate and love ourselves and notice we’re not quite so needy.

Look at what you say you want.
Is that what you really want?
What will that get you?
Is that what you really want?

Getting clear about what you really want sometimes takes some time, but vague wishing takes a lot longer if indeed you ever get what you really wanted. As my friend Bobby says, “Magic and wishing don’t work together, wishing seems to be an expression of what we want to happen. Magic still requires us to do something to make it happen.”

Decide what you really want and

Let your magic begin!

[the Fairy Godmother appears as Cinderella sobs]
Cinderella: Oh, no. No, it isn’t true. It’s just no use. No use at all. I can’t believe. Not anymore. There’s nothing left to believe in. Nothing.
Fairy Godmother: Nothing, my dear? Oh, now you don’t really mean that.
Cinderella: Oh, but I do…
Fairy Godmother: Nonsense, child. If you’d lost all your faith, I couldn’t be here. And here I am.

For Christmas many years ago my sister bought me a magic wand. A magic wand is very important in my work. I use it all the time.

Client: “I should be happy but…”
Me: “What would you wish for if you had a magic wand?”

Client: “I know its silly but I…”
Me: “What would you have it look like if you had a magic wand?”

Client: “So many people are worse off, I should just be grateful for what I have …”
Me: “But if you had a magic wand?”

I’ve come to believe that our biggest dream is what we are here to do. As Marianne Williamson says, we are not here to play small. Yet we seldom are willing to dream big enough. And so we pick away at our dreams. Chiseling them into smaller and smaller pieces to fit our view of ‘reality’ until they have little resemblance to what we really want.

The shame of it is that as I work with more and more people to design and live their dreams I’ve learned that those who dare to say their deep dreams out loud, those who take steps (even baby steps) towards their dream become more authentically themselves and experience richer more fulfilling lives.

Do we always move towards our dreams when we focus on them? Though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, if we keep our focus we find we usually do. Melissa moves from job to job and though none are what she really wants to do, each gives her experiences and learning she needs to reach her dream. And I don’t believe Cinderella felt collecting mice from the barn was the most direct route to the ball!

(If you still don’t believe you can have it because you don’t have the education, training, experience, etc, be sure to read last month’s newsletter).

So do you have a dream hidden in your drawer? In the deep recesses of your mind? In a corner of your heart? Dust it off, wash it up, and set it in the light. Let it be the beacon for your choices and decisions.

What is your big, juicy, magic wand dream? What is the dream that puts a smile on your face and makes your heart beat faster in anticipation? Write it down, keep adding to it, sprinkle it with delight. Get support, take baby steps or bold leaps. Wave your magic wand. Believe in the magic of your dreams.And you’ve taken the first step to making your dreams come true.

Photo permission http://www.cwanderlust.com.

The conversation started in the newsletter continues here. Feel free to post and join in!

What holds you back from your dreams?
What is it you believe you need before you can have the life you want?
Where do you question your worth?

Just trust yourself,
then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe, Faust
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I could be whatever I wanted to be if I just trusted that music, that song, that vibration of God that was inside of me.
~ Shirley McClaine, It’s All in the Playing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man that doesn’t trust himself
can never really trust anyone else.
~ Cardinal De Retz, Memoires
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One’s real life is often the life that one does not lead.
~ by Oscar Wilde
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Look at this man. What do you already believe about him? Do you realize that’s just your story?

Would you stare at this man?
Would you look away?
What stories would you tell yourself about what he was like?
Watch, listen and dissolve your illusion.

Watch:  Second Glance

Sometimes we don’t realize how much of our lives are illusions we’ve created and we get lost in. We don’t see reality. We see the stories we’ve made up about reality. To really see means to be present without the illusion, without the story, without the judgment.

Where to you judge the most?
Where are you most lost in the illusion?
If you stopped judging what reality might you see?

(Nik’s done some other awesome videos that you can see here.)

There was a poor farmer who had nothing but a son to help him work the farm and a horse.

One day the horse ran away. “Oh you poor man!” exclaimed the villagers. “What a horrible thing! What bad luck!!”

“We’ll see.” said the farmer.

The next day the horse returned with a herd of wild horses.

“Oh how wonderful!” exclaimed the villagers. “How lucky you are! What good fortune!!”

“We’ll see.” said the farmer.

A few days later the son broke his leg working with the wild horses.

“Oh, how sad!” said the villagers. “What a tragedy!”

“We’ll see.” said the farmer.

The next day the army came through and took all the able bodied young men off to war and they were never seen again. The farmer’s son they left because he was useless to them with a broken leg…

Some one sent this to me years ago. I loved it enough to keep it. Now I want to share it with you. It’s long – but worth it.

Customer Service (CS) Rep. : Yes, Ma’am, how may I help you today?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install LOVE. Can
you guide me through the process?

CS Rep. : Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready to install now.
What do I do first?

CS Rep. : The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART
ma’am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now.
Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep. : What programs are running ma’am?

Customer: Let’s see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and
RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep. : No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE.
However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those
programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off
ma’am?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep.: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do
this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been
completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is
that normal?

CS Rep. : Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for
the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep. : Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to
begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep. : What does the message say?

Customer: It says ERROR 412 – PROGRAM NOT RUNNING ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS.
What does that mean?

CS Rep. : Don’t worry ma’am, that’s a common problem. It means that the LOVE
program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your
HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical
terms it means you have to LOVE your own machine before it can LOVE others.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep. : Can you pull down the directory called SELF-ACCEPTANCE?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep. : Excellent. You’re getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep. : You’re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to
the MY HEART directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and
ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files
and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete
VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin
afterward to make sure it is completely and permanently gone -erased.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is
playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?

CS Rep. : Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything
gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You
should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep. : LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to
everybody you meet. They will share it with other people and then return some
similarly sacred modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what’s your name?

CS Rep. : You may call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great
Physician, but most call me God. Many people feel all they need is an annual
checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the Manufacturer suggests a schedule of
daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep in touch . . .

By Rick Anderson, based on an idea by an unknown author. This script may be used free of charge, provided no charge is made for entrance to the performance. A note to the author would be appreciated. He may be contacted at rande@be.bricker.com

Below are what some other people say about mistakes.

“Do not hold a grip on ”shaping” other people’s perceptions of you. Honor yourself of what you are at any given moment with authenticity and let people decide what they think about that. When you’re willing to be seen as someone who makes mistakes and has flaws, you’re essentially telling yourself being human isn’t something to be ashamed of.”

“Not everyone who makes a mistake gains useful knowledge from the experience. Most people explain away their failures, unwilling to stare into the light and see that their sacred cows were really just cows. Are you strong enough to see the truth and name it? Are you willing to identify the substance of your own mistakes? Are you willing to truly know freedom, contentment and love? The change begins with you.” ~ Ameet.

“If I had my life to live over… I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.”
~ ♥ Nadine Stair

“Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it’s a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.”
- Al Franken

“It becomes apparent that everyone makes mistakes. This is one of life’s realities, and to admit it is already to have taken a great step forward. If we are to tread the narrow path of truth and keep our hold upon reality, we have to agree that all of us can err; otherwise we should all be perfect. So it is well to cultivate a friendly feeling toward error, to treat it as a companion inseparable from our lives, as something having a purpose which it truly has.”
~ Maria Montessori

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, All events are blessings given to us to learn from.”
~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

“A person who makes no mistakes usually does not make anything.”

All tell me about me.

What speaks to you?
What speaks to you that you don’t know how to translate?
Everything in your life, everything you see, everything you touch, everything you think says something about where and who you are right now. If you see them all as messengers there’s a lot to learn.

Can you hear it?
Listen….

Direct Mail Opt Out http://www.directmail.com/directory/mail_preference/
Allows you to opt out of all kinds of sales, political, charity, magazine offers and opt into ones you want – Check in with yourself twice before checking yes you want it! Do you really? Be sure to send the confirmation email back!

National Do Not Call Registry 888-382-1222 www.donotcall.gov
Removes your number permanently. Can be used for all phones, including cell phones. Placing your number on the National Do Not Call Registry will stop most telemarketing calls, but not all. Political organizations, charities, and telephone surveyors are still permitted, as are calls from companies with which you have an existing business relationship, or those to whom you’ve provided express agreement in writing to receive their calls. However, if you ask a company with which you have an existing business relationship to place your number on its own do-not-call list, it must honor your request. You should keep a record of the date you make the request.

Removal from pre-approved credit and loan offers :
888-567-8688 https://www.optoutprescreen.com/?rf=t
Under the Fair Credit Reporting Act (FCRA) you have the right to Opt-Out of pre-screen
and pre-approved offers for credit or insurance directly with the Consumer
Reporting Companies, Equifax, Experian, Innovis and TransUnion. If you want permanent removal you ‘ll have to print, sign and send the form, otherwise you get a 5 year removal. You can always opt in again for either.

State Do Not Call Registry http://dnc.attorneygeneral.gov/ 08/10/2012
5 years
Not sure state registry isn’t redundant but it is available.

The person who can be successful is one who stays flexible, curious, asks questions. They are people who are willing to change, to be wrong, to experiment and try something new.

Funny how it doesn’t matter what the area of life we’re looking at. Successful people are all the same.

Saw an article today about Oprah having a show called “Master’s Class.” Its about lessons and stories from people she sees as having impacted the world. Nice. But something is missing.

Is it only the big names who are known to millions who impact the world? Are they truly the world changers? Do they have our answers or maybe just their own answers? I believe its time for a new world order of masters. A master is one who lives his or her life from their joy. One who has defined who they are and who they want to be from their own values and enthusiasms.

In my Master’s Class I’d have Siri. She has spent the last year designing and building a “green” house with her husband. She works daily on the gardens to beautify the land. She’s designated 2011 the “year of fun.” She is my idea of a master.

We can’t all be Oprahs or any who will appear in her Master Class, but when we live from our joy we become an example of what’s possible for all.

Maybe what you’re supposed to do with the rest of your life is what you are doing or if you don’t like what you’re doing maybe its to find what your heart calls for and enjoy it. Over the past few years I have redefined productive. Productive is creating a life I love. When I do that I give others the courage to do it too. What better service is there?

Would delight in hearing your thoughts!

A view of Sprogels Run, my backyard

Here’s my list so far. Looking forward to yours!
See the newsletter and the rest of the story here.

What is different in my life when I love and cherished myself just as I am?
I would catch and stop self criticism quicker,
I would appreciate myself more
expand community of like minded people
invest in getting to know a couple interesting people I’ve met
enjoy eating more greens

When I love and cherish myself I:
am more present,
turn off mind chatter when I notice it,
notice it more often,
set up appropriate boundaries
am kinder to myself and others

Loving and cherishing myself, the qualities I bring into my life are:
beauty
peace
order
simplicity
joy

Some things I add to my life when I truly love and accept myself just as I am:
more time in nature
visit  beautiful parks & gardens
more travel
read more Rilke and Rumi

Some things I subtract from my life when I love and accept myself just as I am:
toxic cleaning products
toxic thinking
some sugar

Yours?

“Over many years of working with women I’ve discovered that something quite wonderful and mysterious happens when groups of women come together to support and learn from one another. The group energy creates a metaphorical bowl or container in which the deep essence of our feminine nature, the feminine soul, is held and can then be experienced by those present. Reconnecting with the feminine soul helps women to remember who they are in a world that is often confusing and damaging to women’s psyches.”
~ The Fierce Beauty Club…Elizabeth Herron

I’ve found this not only to be true for women, but for men as well who are willing to step out of the roles society has put them in and connect to who they really are.

Where do we find this community?
How can we continue to nourish this?
What do you want in a community?

(If you’re not a subscriber a newsletter on the same subject is available at Notes from Nancy)