The John Edwards trial has produced some interesting testimony, none more so than Andrew Young, the ex-aide who said the lure of power caused him to claim he was the father of Edward’s baby with his mistress.    “Being friends with the most powerful person on earth – there are benefits to that”.    Pride and power are seductive.  They are beasts you think you can ride, but they suddenly turn  devour you.   Young made a choice to lie, to assist in a cover up – all in the hopes of gaining influence and power from a man who might be President.

If he had stopped in the moment and asked the question – what are the consequences of this choice? – he might not have agreed to the cover up.  A well played game of “what if” can keep you from succumbing to the lure of lust, greed, or power.  Just imagine what would happen if you got caught.  What would you have to say to your family?  What would the headline in tomorrow’s paper be?  Had Andrew Young played ‘what if’ when he was asked to play a part in the cover up , he might have imagined the headline “Edwards Ex-Aide Says Power was Motivation.”  Write the headline that might appear if your choice to purse power got the better of you.  What would happen to your family, your business, and your friendships?  Would you be in prison?  Financially ruined?   A well-thought through session of “what if” can make real the potential consequences of falling prey to a lack of integrity.

Abraham Lincoln said, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”   Even more thought provoking, the Bible says: “Be sure your sin will find you out.” (Numbers 32:23)  That came true for both John Edwards and Andrew Young.

Power, character, and integrity are a rare combination.  Which ones can you claim?

My husband and I stopped at a restaurant on the way to Indiana last week.  While we were eating, we saw a man sitting at a nearby table wearing a black T-shirt with huge yellow letters declaring to the world “YOU SUCK”.   It seemed to be a statement on how many people view others these days.  Instead of respecting and honoring one another, we get in their face and disrespect them.

Respect is showing regard for the worth of someone regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, faith or sexual orientation.  Respect doesn’t diminish a person for any reason.  The best description of respect that I’ve ever heard came from Dave Buehring, founder and CEO of Lionshare Leadership.  He says there are three reasons we honor and respect one another.

1) Honor and respect due to performance – we earn this and recognize what a person has done or achieved.

2) Honor due to character and integrity – this is also earned and recognizes who the person is in character and that can be trusted to do what they say they will do

3) Honor and respect due to a person’s intrinsic value and worth.  This respect is given and not earned.  It recognizes each human being’s worth in the sight of God.  Because we are made in His image, and have had the priceless blood of Jesus shed for them, they are worth of honor and respect.*

What a different viewpoint from “You Suck”.   The truth is all people matter, no matter what.  What a different place our world would be if we practiced respect and honor.  Who lives this better than anyone you know – who shows honor, courtesy, respect to everyone in their life?

*Information in italics was adapted from the writings of Dave Buehring

Joe Flacco once again landed in the news when on Monday evening he told WNST (a Baltimore radio station) that he thought he was the best quarterback in the league.   Read the Baltimore Sun article   The LA Times put up a poll, and as of Wednesday afternoon, 87% said he wasn’t the best. (LA Times Poll)   The reaction was swift and furious in social media, with tweets mocking his statement.   Inherent in his comments are three lessons for anyone who is in pursuit of being an Integrity Fanatic.

(1) Manage your ego – To do what Joe Flacco does, he needs a healthy ego.  In fact, we all do.  But when our perception of our skills and ability is out of bounds, we need to dial it back.  A survey a few years found that 90% of pastors, students, teachers, and sports players thought they were above average.  That’s statistically impossible.  Look in the mirror, face the reality of who you are – good and bad – and then be real about it.

(2) Manage your words –  The publicity on this won’t hurt Flacco.  But when we make a public statement, we need to be aware of how those words will be interpreted.  From Mitt Romney’s two cadillacs (Mitt Romney comment) to BP’s Board Chair’s comment on the small people (“We care about small people”), gaffs in the media aren’t new – but they can be prevented.

(3) Manage your actions –   If you say you’re the best, your actions need to match your words.  That was the gist of many tweets – with critics bringing forth data to bolster their case that his ego was out of control.

Integrity is about being whole – matching your words with your actions – and building trust in the process.   Maybe if Eli Manning or Tom Brady had made that claim, we’d be having a different conversation.

When I teach customer service, I call the interactive workshop The Art of Wow!   A few months ago I bought a pair of SPANX hose.  I was hesitant to do so, because they cost three times what regular ones did, but I thought surely at that price they would hold up better than the others.   They didn’t.  I had a run the first time and was kicking myself for buying them.  I threw them in the waste basket.  Bill (my husband) saw them and said I should send them back and complain.  I didn’t think it was worth it.  Unknown to me, he sent them back with a letter.  Today a package arrived.  He asked me if I’d ordered anything and I said no.  When we opened it, I was stunned to find 3 new pairs of SPANX.   My $18 disappointment turned into $114 win-win.  I was delighted and they kept a customer and developed a raving fan.

That’s the Art of Wow!

A guest blog by Tom Bernard

I remember having a conversation with a friend over a business transaction. It was a long time ago, and I can’t even remember the topic, except that I had said something that offended him. I was wrong, and I attempted to correct the situation on the spot. I said, “I’m really sorry.” He reacted quickly with a reply I will never forget. “Sorry won’t get it,” he said. His response blew me away. But he was correct. Sometimes being sorry for something we have said or done does not bring instant healing. I needed to give him time to process my apology, and when I did, things smoothed out. I have tried very hard not to put a friend in a position to recite those words to me again.

Looking back over my lifetime, I must admit that my apologies have almost been legion. Legion with a capital “L” is a military term that describes a number of soldiers–often more than 4,000. Legion with a small “l” refers to a “great number” or “multitude” of times something occurs. I have been wrong a “multitude” of times. On many of those occasions I said to myself, “I wish I hadn’t done that.” Or, “I wish I hadn’t said that.”

All of us have said at one time or another, “I wish I hadn’t done that,” or “I wish I had done that.” The fact is that all too often it is too late to correct a misunderstanding or to take back something we have said. My list of “I wish I hadn’t done that” is longer than the “I wish I had done that” list. If I were to add a list of “I wish I hadn’t said that,” depression would be just around the corner. “Feeling sorry” has already left the station, and “Feeling guilty” is ready for ticketed passengers. “All aboard.”

There is good therapy in creating an “I wish” list, as long as we don’t allow ourselves to attend our own pity party. There are a few rules to follow if we are to do it right. Here is my list of rules:

1. Keep each item short.
2. Be specific and name names.
3. Don’t linger too long on any of the “I wish” items. This is not an exercise in sentimentality.

“The YMCA will eat you up if you let it.  Be careful to take time off for what’s most important.”

Those words were spoken to me by my very first boss in the YMCA movement, Scott Gaalaas.   It was 1986, and he’d just hired me to be the aquatics director at the Monroe County YMCA in Bloomington, IN.  He was cautioning me that a career in the YMCA would be time consuming.  “It ’s your responsibility,” he said, “to take time off when you need it.”    He punctuated that advice with the statistic that YMCA professionals had a higher divorce rate than the general population.  He was an advocate for living your life by your values.  He took his own words seriously, and retired from the YMCA at the age of 63 and moved from Oak Park, IL to Loudon, TN, enjoying time with his family and grandchildren.   He was building homes with Habitat for Humanity, riding his bike, and playing racquetball.   He recently suffered a catastrophic stroke and “graduated to glory” on February 22^nd, 2012.

I will miss my former boss, mentor and friend.  Not only did he teach me life balance,  he taught  me how to read a financial statement, develop a budget, and how to delight the members.   He was a man of integrity, because he could be counted on to do what he said he would do.   Over the years, as we each moved to different locations, we often reconnected at AYP events.   In the early 1990’s, we both served as executives in the Chicago area.   We played golf in Arizona, and Florida with  YMCA colleagues.

I will miss Scott deeply. He poured into my life in a way that had a huge impact.  I know he did that for countless others.  While I didn’t always have the best life-balance, I was better than I would have been because of his mentoring.   Great leaders count their success by how many people they developed.   Scott is right there with the best.  Thank you, Scott.

The email subject line was:  Follow-up request for online instruction

Then the message started this way:  I trust this finds you well.   This is  Jeremy, reconnecting.  It’s been a while since we were last in touch.

Then I knew it was a spam message.  I’d didn’t think I’d inquired about instruction,  but I knew I’d never met this person, or even corresponded with them.  It was a classic attempt to catch my attention with spam.  So here’s the response I sent:

Dear Jeremy:

You and I have never met or even corresponded.  So when you start out your email with an obvious catch line and a lie about our relationship, what makes you think I’d want to do business with you?  I want to work with someone I can trust, that I know will honor his word.  You started out in your first communication with me by lying.  So there’s no trust and certainly no desire to even consider your product or on-line seminars.    Business goes where it’s invited, and stays where it’s treated well.  Please add a little integrity to your approach – you’ll be amazed by the results.

Culture is measured by what you tolerate and reward.

 I once worked for a CEO who had a two pronged focus  – financial health and the avoidance of failure.  As long as the monthly financials were in line and there was no bad news, he tolerated almost anything.  Instead of catching employees doing something good, the emphasis was on catching them doing something wrong.  Rule after rule was implemented, designed to prevent something bad from happening.  He didn’t value big successes as long as nothing was lost.  He avoided feedback.  The result:  Sunday night found me dreading going to work on Monday morning.   I don’t think I was the only employee feeling that way.

 I worked for another inspiring CEO who tolerated nothing less than outstanding customer service.  He promoted that culture by putting employees first. He inspired us to always go the extra mile and he loved to celebrate the stories of employees delighting our customers.   I saw him get angry only once, when members of our senior team were having parking lot conversations instead of going directly to him.  He didn’t tolerate the lack of respect and he rewarded risk taking and continuous improvement.  He valued feedback that made us stronger.  The result:  I loved coming to work and so did the other employees.  We were making a difference, and it was fun.

 What do you tolerate and reward?