Nanny Goats in Panties

Goat Thing of the Day: Potty Humor

2010-01-06T08:45:00.000-08:00

Well, it must be Potty Humor week because today's Goat Thing of the Day features a picture postcard from Colorado (sent by a friend who lives in Wyoming) that shows a mountain goat exiting the men's facilities...

If you read yesterday's post entitled Confessions of a Foot Flusher, then you know the next joke writes itself, so I won't bother.

Meanwhile, I'll have what this guy's having...

shown to me by Rich (of Nothing to See Here), and while he saw it on STAR, the ultimate source of this picture is unknown. I'm happy to credit the photo if you know who owns it.

And...AND.....AND!!!!!
Joanna from The Fifty Factor just published an interview with me. She (and her blog) are just awesome and she also has a giveaway for an Amazon Gift card if you read the interview and enter afterwards! Dude! An Amazon Gift Card!!!!

Confessions of a Foot Flusher

2010-01-04T12:42:00.000-08:00

My name is Margaret and I am a foot flusher. I am not proud of this fact. I feel guilty every time I do it. I feel compassion for my fellow man (or in this case, woman) who has to use the stall after me and if she uses her hands to flush the toilet in a public restroom, she is pretty much risking her life because of what I've potentially stepped onto. Or into. And it is because of the unknown handle usage of the woman who has used the stall prior to yours truly that my hands will not touch the chrome stick of the porcelain god. (I know, I know, that's what she said).

I don't make a habit of taking pictures in the bathroom, but for you, my kiddies, I make the following exception:

So right now you are thinking one of two things:

1. Oh my God, you horrible horrible troglodyte! Who do think you are? It's people like you why half the potty stalls in this world are out of order. You are depriving many people of a decent crap because of your selfish ways. Do you have any idea how much it costs to replace a toilet flush handle? Well, I don't know how much it costs but I bet it costs a lot, I can tell you that!

or...

2. How in the hell did you take that picture and not slip and crack your head open on the tile floor? Or accidentally plunge your foot into the toilet. You are now my blog photo hero. Here's an award. No wait! Here's a million dollars because you, NGIP, are awesome.

And this would be my reply to either of your responses since it fits both, really:

I know, right?

Goat Thing of the Day: Goat Beer

2010-01-01T13:23:00.000-08:00

Still hungover from the New Years festivities? Well, you know what they say is the best thing for that? Why, more alcohol, of course! How about some goat beer!

Cat Lady Larew (of How to be a Cat Lady Without the Cats) picked this up for her son for his birthday.

Tami (twinbush) showed me the following video of a masked goat. I apologize to my many many thousands and thousands of Kindle subscribers since they are unable to view video (unless, of course, they were lucky enough to get the Mondo Kindle Extreme C523i for Christmas). If it makes you feel any better, the quality isn't that great.

Happy New Year, everybody!

Is It Christmas Again Yet?

2009-12-31T08:30:00.000-08:00

I got a pair of Keds for Christmas. Wanna see?

I know, right? My very own NGIP shoes! Woo hoo!

What about you? Did you get cool stuff for Christmas too?

Okay, good - now that that's over, it's high time you thought about gearing up for Christmas. Of 2010.

Why? Because if Rite Aid's behavior is any indication of this nation's priorities, we need to act now to stay ahead of the curve.

On December 21, 2009, which some of you may not know, is approximately four days BEFORE Christmas, Kim Tracy Prince (of House of Prince) tweeted the following:

On December 21, mind you. You know what this means, right? It means that in June of 2010, they will be taking down Thanksgiving decorations and putting up Christmas stuff. And that means that on December 20th of 2010, they'll be putting up Christmas decorations again and some loser might say to the blue-aproned employees at Rite Aid, "Wow, this is so nice that you are only just now putting out the Santas and the Christmas music, so we don't have to be bombarded by it all for two months beginning in October."

And the oppressed drugstore employee (who's still pulling staples out of his head from the previous holiday decorating debacle) will say, "Oh, this isn't for Christmas now, it's for Christmas of 2011". Which he will pronounce "Twenty Eleven" instead of "Two Thousand Eleven" because the National Decorating Committee at Rite Aid has been pronouncing things using "Twenty" for awhile now. In fact, they just finished their meeting this morning discussing the "Twenty-Fifty" 4th of July holographic mobile hangings that will automatically and digitally convert into Four Leaf Clover mini-Hovercrafts for St. Patrick's Day of "Twenty Sixty".

In other words, if you want to see the future, shop at Rite-Aid.

Oh, and I'd like to wish you a Happy New Year, but I don't know if I should be sending out salutations for 2010, or 2011.

Hey, remember that video game I wrote for? Coconut Queen, from iWin Games?

graphic courtesy of iWin.com

Well, it made Gamezebo's Best Picks of 2009 list - yay!

It's not too late to write a blog post about your New Year's resolutions and then link it up on NGIP's Resolutions Party Post. Also, MamaKat from Mama's Losin' It, is hosting a link up for New Year's Resolutions at her place, so you get TWO linkups for the price of one! After you link up, be sure and visit other bloggers on the link list.

Goat Thing of the Day: One-Horned Prince and the Gävle Goat

2009-12-30T08:00:00.000-08:00

Jessica of Atlanta Mother's Guide sent in a picture of her kids.

Did you notice Prince Charming is missing something? Here, let me show you a close-up:

According to Jessica, the Prince was wasn't dehorned the right way as a kid, so now only one grows out kind of curly.

Have you guys seen this big-ass Christmasy thing in Sweden? It's the Gävle Goat and it's made of straw.

Photo credit. Via Scott (of Ergo)

New Year's Resolutions for 2010 (and not just mine)

2009-12-28T01:05:00.000-08:00

Hello! And welcome to the This Time I Really Mean It! campaign of 2010.

Do we humans make New Year's resolutions because we aren't perfect and should strive to be better people? Or do we make them because we're pathetic individuals with low self-esteem who think we're never good enough and therefore need a list of Required Improvements to be considered acceptable? I mean, what's the point of making resolutions if 95% of them are never kept?

I know, I know, it's not the point that we don't keep them, it's that we TRY.

So, in the spirit of wasting time to pursue unattainable greatness, I give you my New Year's Resolutions of 2010. And this time....I really mean it!

1. I started a novel and finished the first draft a couple of years ago. It would be nice if a revised version would see the light of day in 2010.

2. I will let things go more often when people are in a foul mood, spreading hate and trying to take me down with them. I will not take their lashing out personally.

3. Like just a couple of days ago, I'm in the grocery store parking lot, letting a pedestrian cross in front of me and this other driver who is off to the side and wants to pull out of his parking spot by driving forward instead of backing out, starts yelling and flailing his arms at me to get out of his way so he can do his somewhat illegal maneuver. What the hell is that about?

4. And then there are the emotional terrorists (aka assholes). You can't let them get to you, either. You can't teach a jerk a lesson. That's just fantasy thinking. You shouldn't get into a fight that you can't win.

5. And by fight, I don't mean physical fight, I mean a verbal one. Try telling the rude moron behind you in the movie theatre to get off the phone or take it outside. He will only kick your seat for the next ninety minutes and walk away smiling while you fume about it for three days. The emotional terrorist has won and you've sprouted five more gray hairs from the stress.

6. I would like to be able to accept the fact that life is not fair. The problem is, I was raised to believe that life is fair. I was raised to believe that people are rewarded based on merit. And that bad behavior is punished. This was before I knew about politics. And reality television. And financial bailouts.

7. I mean, why should I be responsible while others are being enabled for their lack of responsibility? Man, it's a good thing this is a humor blog because I could go on all day about this.

8. And then I would get all riled up and upset and hate people and their selfishness and their narrow-mindedness and their sense of entitlement and their inadequate upbringing and how we should just do away with them.

9. You see how I can't let go of these things? I resolve to let go of these things in the next year. Just as soon as my eye stops twitching.

10. That, and finish my novel.

What about you? Got resolutions? If you have a blog post about it, or if you're inspired to write one, add the URL of that specific post to the Linky widget below. And then go and read some other posts in the list.

We'll be here all week taking submissions. Feel free to grab a campaign button and tell your friends about it.

And here's a bonus! You can not only link up here, but you can also link up over at Mama's Losin' It when she hosts her link up day on Thursday, New Year's Eve.

PLEASE NOTE: The Simply Linked widget is for bloggers participating in the New Year's Resolutions campaign. If you just want to leave a comment, go past the Simply Linked widget and comment away!

The Battle of the Fruitcake

2009-12-24T05:48:00.000-08:00

And now, a sentimental Christmas song about love for family.

To be sung to the tune of Jingle Bells:

Dashing through the store,

They're turning out the lights,

They close at half past four,

The fruitcake's in my sights,

I lunge for the last cake,

And so does some strange man,

"It's Christmas Eve", I beg of him,

I plead like no one can.

Oh, that cake's mine, no it's mine,

No, I saw it first,

Fists are hurled, blood spews out,

A broken nose, I'm cursed - hey!

Grab his legs, he falls down,

Knocked out cold - I win!

'Cause when it comes to my Aunt Betts:

"No fruitcake is a sin."

Merry Christmas, everybody!

To all fellow bloggers...

Starting on Monday, December 28, NGIP is hosting the This Time I Really Mean It! campaign. Come over and share your New Year's Resolutions blog post URL in the Linky widget that will be provided on that Monday's post.

For more information, or to grab a button to tell your friends about it, go to the Details of "This Time I Really Mean It!" campaign for 2010.

Goat Thing of the Day: A Baaaad Pick Up Line

2009-12-23T11:48:00.000-08:00

A pretty girl walks into a bar on Christmas Eve. A drunken goat three stools over slurs, "Hellow there priddy ladee. Ish that hay in yer pocket, or are you jush glad to see me?"

Right? Isn't that what it looks like?

Well, it was either that or something about Kilroy being here. In any case, thanks to John from the Savo Auctioneers who sent in the above picture along with this next one.

They were visiting the Roba Family Farm in Dalton, Pennsylvania, when they had an NGIP moment, lucky for us.

My friend, Andrea, showed me this picture of a place where only goats are allowed.

As seen on Snuzzy

You can click on the picture to enlarge it, or go to Snuzzy.com's goat post for a larger version.

There's a goat in the top too - did you see it?

Here's a slightly closer look:

Now do you see it? I know, I missed it the first time, too.

Pumpkin Pie in 3 Easy Steps. And Brittany Murphy, Sort of.

2009-12-21T11:45:00.000-08:00

Did someone say pie? Man, I love pie. If eating more than one piece of it on Christmas Day didn't make me sick, swearing to God "I'll never eat any more pie just please make the Grim Dizzy Icky Vomit Reaper go away", then I'd eat the whole freaking thing. And none of that bland Reddy-Whip crap. Bring on the plastic no-food-value-whatsoever Cool Whip, yo.

Yes, it's that time of year. And where better than Nanny Goats in Panties will you find an easier pumpkin pie recipe? Are you ready? Here we go:

Step 1
First, go to Thunder Valley Casino on a night they are giving away free pies. If you get as much crap from them in the mail as I do, you will find out readily enough when that occurs. All you have to do is spend an inordinate amount of money on the slot machines. Then, when you're out of money and thanking God you filled the gas tank on the way TO the casino, go stand in a really long line and wait for the casino employees to process your club card to claim your free pie. They will walk across the casino to the actual machine that works because the one they have set up at the temporary pie distribution center is on the blink and they have to do everything manually and they don't get it working again until you get to the front of the line and you've already handed your card to the runner so now everyone behind you is getting their card processed and walking away with free pies with lightning speed.

BONUS HINT: Get four pies. Why? Because you are a greedy pig and even though there is only two of you in your whole house you figure you deserve these pies after all the time you spent waiting in line. I mean, there are two of you standing in line and they already said there's a limit of two pies per person. A minute ago, you would have been happy walking out with just one pie, but now that you've read on some sign that there is a limit of two pies per person, you want your maximum entitlement.

Also? These pies aren't that free. You've been spending your allowance getting robbed by a machine that goes by the name of Hot Shot Super Progressive Lucky Dollar Slammarama. Do you want one eighty-dollar pie? Or do you want four twenty-dollar pies? OK, then.

When you get home, immediately cram, stuff and shove the pies into your already-packed freezer that you didn't think of when your greedy ass back at the casino just HAD to have four pies.

Step 2
When for the next couple of weeks, you really aren't ever in the mood for a pumpkin pie, but your freezer is bloated with pies and you'd probably better eat them before they get that crystally icy freezer burn so you're really now having to eat this pie when you don't really want it, but you HAD to have it so by golly you're going to eat it, pull one of these pies out of your freezer and pull the wrapper off.

Place pie on a baking sheet. Now pay close attention. This next part is the absolute most complex and tricky part of this recipe. It is vitally important that it look exactly like this...

...otherwise, you'll screw the whole thing up. Again, don't put put the pan on top of the pie; put the pie on top of the pan. Double check your work against the above photo if you're not sure.

Step 3
Throw in the oven at 375 degrees for 60 minutes. This is what your digital display should look like after the pie has been in the oven for about five seconds:

After that you just pull out the pie, let it cool for thirty minutes and enjoy.

With Cool Whip, of course.

RIP - Brittany Murphy

I don't know if you knew Brittany Murphy, but I did for about five minutes. Here we are at the Hollywood wrap party for the movie, Just Married in April, 2002. I'm the one with the polka dots.

Have you started your New Year's Resolution list yet? Me neither.

But I'll have mine up on Monday, December 28 and you can come over and add yours to the Linky widget that day so I (and everyone else at the party) can read yours! Invite your friends and neighbors - the more the merrier. We can share all week long during the This Time I Really Mean It! campaign.

For more information, or to grab a button to tell your friends about it, go to the Details of "This Time I Really Mean It!" campaign for 2010.

Goat Thing of the Day: Zebra and Chocolate

2009-12-19T04:55:00.000-08:00

Not that I want to ruin your weekend or anything, but you do realize there are only five shopping days until Christmas, right?

You're welcome.

Surfie over at Surfie Says had an NGIP moment when visiting a farm in Lynchburg, SC. She immediately grabbed her camera and caught these two lovelies, named Zebra and Chocolate.

Can you guess which is which? Even my many many thousands and thousands of Kindle subscribers who may be limited to black and white photos (unless, of course, they carry the Super Quattro Amazon Kindle Photo Converter 3000) may be able to tell which one is most likely Zebra and which one is not Zebra, hence Chocolate.

If you're either color-blind or Kindle-bound, Chocolate is on the left and Zebra is on the right in this 2nd photo.

Ann Tracy of Waiting for the Muse sent in this piece whose source is unclear but appeared in a series of photos sent by a friend in Romania.

Rosetta Stone: An NGIP Exclusive Investigative Report

2009-12-17T02:12:00.000-08:00

First things first: I'd like to publicly thank the people who Googled the following terms and inexplicably decided to click on the link that led them to NGIP:

"right side pain at my waist, through up and felt better"
buddha "sex with skulls" <-- NGIP is currently the #1 result for this one - woo hoo!
has anyone ever choked on a tootsie pop <-- yes, and I blogged about it.
my neighbor is stealing my air ducts
people who look like goats
possibility of man and goat having a baby together <--ACK!
ten thousand honkies
what is this pain in my right side
was there a spaceship found underneath the parents <-- For what possible reason would someone wish to Google this?

The other thing I called this meeting for is to discuss the outrageousness that is the price of Rosetta Stone language software. I've seen the commercials, how anybody who is anybody uses the Rosetta Stone to learn a new language. A list of very important organizations, like the US Army and the State Department and Fortune 500 companies and God use the Rosetta Stone for their language learning needs.

Well, it turns out that big entities use it because it's SO DANG FRICKIN' EXPENSIVE that us little people can't afford it.

I had no idea. In my world, this software had a price tag of maybe $100 to learn the whole language. But then I get this email the other day from a big box bookstore who shall remain nameless (starts with a "B" and rhymes with "Borders") advertising that I could get as much as $125 off. As much as? AS MUCH AS? Do you know what this means? Well, first of all, it means that it costs more than $125. Secondly, if you can save as much as $125, then that means there are ways to save LESS THAN $125.

Sure enough, a closer look at this so-called "coupon" revealed it's true colors, but the advertising terrorists already won, didn't they, because I clicked on the link in my email. As it turns out, Rosetta Stone comes in Parts, not Wholes, so if you buy a really big big part, that's how you can save $125, but if you buy a teeny tiny part, you save a correspondingly teeny tiny part of $125.

When it comes to TV programming, I ignore commercials. I totally tune out. I get that from my Dad, the tuning out thing, although we have different objects of tune-outability. For example, I can't hear the TV at all if there is any other voice happening in the room. My dad ,on the other hand, can't hear YOU if the TV is on. I've never seen a man become so dazed and lose all sense of his surroundings than when he's glued to the boob tube. Short of hitting him, you can usually get his attention if you yell his name, but more often than not saying "the phone's ringing", will work. You don't even have to yell it. In fact, I remember when I was a kid, my mom played a joke on him as he snored on the couch. She leaned over his ear and said in a small voice, the phone's ringing, and he lept up to answer it. And then we all laughed. Yeah, good times...where was I? Oh, right. Rosetta Stone and TV commercials. My point here was that I must not have been paying attention to their commercials enough to see how much it actually cost, although it was probably snuck in so that all you heard was $29.99 or something, not realizing that it was "436 easy payments of...".

Getting down to real numbers, there are FIVE LEVELS of Rosetta Stone with Level 1 costing $259 ($199 at Amazon) and the price going nowhere but up after that.

In Level 1, you will learn "greetings and introductions". If you shell out several more hundreds of dollars for Level 2, you will learn how to tell time and dine out. I think you can guess the rest of this whole sham.

I currently subscribe to a Spanish language learning podcast, and since it's free, I don't feel the pressure that I have to learn it. Which is why 159 unlistened-to episodes have piled up into my iPod. But they're FREE!

So, is Rosetta Stone like an expensive gym, where if you pay (and pay a LOT) you will use it because by golly you paid hundreds maybe thousands of dollars to join it?

I'm telling you this Rosetta Stone thing is a conspiracy. Level 1 probably brainwashes you into thinking you NEED Level 2 (because you're going to be in a foreign country and you'll need to actually get out of the airport). And then Level 2 brainwashes you into thinking you NEED level 3 (because you're going to be in a foreign country and you WILL have to use the restroom at some point). And so on. How else can you justify spending THAT kind of money? It's crazy! It's insane! Why would anybody pay that kind of dinero when Level 1 only teaches you how to say hello and goodbye? I already know how to say hello and goodbye in Spanish. I mean, isn't it like, "Aloha" and.... no wait, it's "Buenos Dias" and "Gracias", right?

I suspect each level contains Latin Kool-Aid and anybody gullible enough to pay THAT kind of money will drink it, and drink it hard.

What's so fabulous about this learning software whose cost is equivalent to its weight in Manolo Blahniks? According to the product features listed on Amazon (and I'm quoting here):

"Rosetta Stone teaches you a new language naturally, by getting you to think, live and breathe the language"

Breath the language? Really? Isn't that a little hyperbolic? How does computer software get you to breathe a language, exactly? Will I have to buy yet another computer device, some digital air tube thingie that I have to shove down my throat in order to operate? Do I also have to buy another stupid USB port adapter so it will work on my Mac? What if I gag easy when something is shoved down my throat? (I know, I know, that's what she said, but if you could just work with me on this one). I'm just thinking that since I don't even breathe English, it would be unlikely that even a highly advanced medical body scan would find Spanish words in my lung tissue.

So, in summary and conclusion, I can't imagine why people would buy this astronomically priced product. No sane person I know would even think twice about it. And even though I've been wanting to learn Spanish for years now, I certainly could never bring myself to pay such a ludicrous amount of my own hard-earned money.

Which is why I'm asking for it for Christmas.

To all fellow bloggers...

I'd love to read what everyone really means to do in 2010. Come over any time starting Monday, December 28, 2009 and share your New Year's Resolutions blog post URL in the Linky widget that will be provided on that Monday's post. I call this sharing time the This Time I Really Mean It! campaign.

For more information, or to grab a button to tell your friends about it, go to the Details of "This Time I Really Mean It!" campaign for 2010.

Goat Thing of the Day: Carsitting. And Cats Who Stare at Goats.

2009-12-16T10:35:00.000-08:00

Monica from Transplanting Me may or may not have been thinking of NGIP when she took this picture while in India, but she sent it on in for Goat Thing of the Day.

Meanwhile, BaxterBog, who has a store on eBay called Baxter Bog C and C, showed me this movie poster from ICanHasCheezeburger:

I'm a Princess Among Thieves

2009-12-14T00:06:00.000-08:00

I've never participated in a White Elephant gift exchange before. And I thought they'd disappeared along with the 1970s which is more or less the last time I'd heard a reference to them. So they're either back in vogue, or they never left and I fell asleep for about 30 years.

I went to a holiday party at The Urban Hive and after doing some extensive research on white elephants, because I didn't want to embarrass myself by bringing something totally inappropriate, like, say, well, actually there is no gift that would be inappropriate. Maybe some store-bought Tiffany jewelry, which would probably cause a bit of a kerfuffle during exchange time so that when your friends ask you about said party, you can honestly say it was a riot.

I scrounged around the house, per the internet's instructions, and wrapped my white elephant gift thusly:

You know all those scraps of gift wrapping that you save, just in case you have something small to wrap and you never do and you don't want to waste paper so it just piles up over the years? I figured this was the perfect time to use them up and sort of slap them together onto the box. I was going for "hideous", but the comments at the party were complimentary, so were they just being nice, or did I accidentally create something cool and funky?

Well, something that DID get high praise and demand for its recipe was the "appetizer" I brought: Spiced Pumpkin Dip. Unfortunately, I didn't take a picture of it in all its glory at the party, but I can certainly show you the carcass which I'm sure you'll find quite helpful.

Here is the mixing bowl I used to mix up the dip.

Doesn't that look yummy?

I've also included a picture of the leftover dip I brought home and the empty Ginger Snaps box that used to hold the cookies which were used for dipping.

So yeah, imagine cookies on the plate below, surrounding a bowl of delicious Spiced Pumpkin dip.

If you want the recipe, I found it on AllRecipes.com

So a White Elephant Gift Exchange is a total crap shoot. You can get something really nice, or you can get crap. Or something cheesy, but funny, like this:

It's a Trump doll!

Knowing you, you're probably wondering what was in that hideously wrapped box I brought. Okay, okay, don't get your panties in a bundle - I brought a bottle of wine:

Jane (editor of MidLifeBloggers) opens the gift I brought

I don't know if you can see the label, but it says "Bitch". Somebody gave it to me and I wanted to pass on the love.

If you know how a White Elephant gift exchange works, then you also know that when it's your turn to pick a gift off the table, you can alternatively choose to steal a gift that's already been opened. So when it was Kari's turn to pick or steal...

Kari of Juniper James steals the Bitch wine.

And then when it was Monica's turn to select a gift (or steal one from someone else):

Wow, what a bunch of thieves I'm hanging around. Steal, steal, steal.

Another rule to this game was that an item could only be stolen two times. So Monica kept the wine for good.

I'm not much of a robber, so when it was my turn, I walked up to the table and selected a gift. This is what I opened:

You might be saying, gosh that's a pretty scarf/shawl/thing, but why is Jane modeling it? Well, I'll tell you why. It's because she STOLE it from me. Because someone had stolen her Bitch wine.

But then when it was Janna's turn, she stole the scarf from Jane, and wasn't afraid to show off her ill-gotten goods either.

Janna (of The Janna Monologues) pilfers the scarf from Jane

What a bunch of heartless heathens! I realize that by now you must think I have made some bad choices for friends if all they do is go around stealing things. And you're probably full of all kinds of questions, such as: "If Monica stole the Bitch wine from Kari, then what did Kari do?"

Well, Kari saw someone open a Bop It! earlier and went hunting that down. Do you know what a Bop It! is?

This is a Bop It! and its first receiver, Scott

But Scott didn't have the Bop It! any more. She found the guy that currently held it, clutching on to it for dear life and cornered her victim ready to tear it away from him:

"You'll have to pry this from my cold, dead hands, sister!"

She couldn't do it. She walked away, defeated, settling on something less.

Meanwhile, since someone had stolen MY scarf, I had to pick something else, so I returned to the table to unwrap this CD with a cool mix of music:

Yes, I realize that is not me, holding the CD. It's Jeremy. And do you know why it's Jeremy holding the CD? That's right. It's because he stole it from me.

So I went back to the table and opened a gift bag that included free movie passes and you know what happened after that? Yep. Stolen.

Grrrrr! I'm such a victim! Luckily, there was only one gift left on the table. It wasn't wrapped and people kept passing it over and I took it:

A musical snow globe

After being robbed several times, I left the party with a sense of being violated. And how fun is that? I can't wait for my next White Elephant gift exchange in a couple of weeks. After Christmas. Which is a great opportunity to offload more crap that I'll probably get in my stocking. How do you wrap coal, anyway?

Calling All 2010 Resolutionaries...

In 2 weeks, NGIP will be hosting a New Year's Resolution Campaign called This Time I Really Mean It!. Come over on Monday, December 28, 2009 and add a link to YOUR blog post about your New Year's resolutions in the Linky widget at the bottom of Monday's post. Then everybody can read everybody else's resolutions. For more information, or if you wish to help promote it to your fellow blog buddies now (where you can grab a promo campaign button), go to the Details of "This Time I Really Mean It!" campaign for 2010.

Great Interview Experiment: A Free Man

2009-12-11T12:49:00.000-08:00

I once got hit in the head with a baseball bat in the fifth grade. True story. His name was Tony something, but we all called him Tony Baloney. Maybe I shouldn't have, thinking back on it.

But anyway, I didn't call this meeting to get all nostalgic about my head injuries. I wanted to tell you about my participation in something Neil (from Citizen of the Month) did. He hosted the Great Interview Experiment, where we all gather in a circle with our notepads, pencils, and press passes stuck in the rim of our caps. Then Neil yells GO!, and we begin to interview the person on our left.

So while Rootietoot interviewed me, I interviewed this dude in Australia named Chris who writes a blog called A Free Man. After introducing ourselves I asked him if he could call me "mate" but when he said "mate" it sounded like "mate", not "mite". So I said, "Hey man, your voice got no flava" and he said it was because he wasn't actually from Australia originally. So I drilled (or is it grilled?) this Dr. Chris guy (he's got a Ph.D. in Genetics, y'all) who is actually from New York, by way of Florida, about a few things.

NGIP: I realize you're a big college football enthusiast and all, but I'm not, so I'm not even going to ask you about your unhealthy obsession over the Georgia Dawgs or your scathing hatred for the Florida Gators or your humiliation regarding the Tennessee Vols. Is that OK with you?

Chris: It’s probably for the best really – not a great year. Despite being an avid sports fan, I had never been able to summon much enthusiasm for a professional sports team. When I graduated from The Finest University in the South, however, I discovered a loyalty to an institution that I never had before. Seems like the least that I can do to be a rabid Georgia football fan.

NGIP: You blog about the aspects of fatherhood. I particularly enjoyed your funny, yet moving post entitled Braggin' Rights. Do you consider yourself a "Daddy Blogger?"

Chris: I’m a daddy and a blogger, so I guess I’m a daddy blogger in some sense, especially lately. But I’ve been at this for a while now and I find that I go through spurts of blogging about all manner of things – music, politics, sports, science – whatever’s on my mind, really. I think I’m more of a guy with a blog.

NGIP: You end each blog post with a music recommendation. You have officially turned me on to Gomez. I also read your blog post about Ben Folds, who is in my personal Top Ten list. Isn't Ben the greatest? If not, then who's your favorite? Have you heard Butch Walker?

Chris: I’ve not (heard Walker), but now I’m curious. Ben Folds is a great songwriter and even greater performer, but The Greatest™? Not sure. Some of my all time favorites are Wilco, R.E.M., Nirvana, Belle & Sebastien, Radiohead, Drive-by Truckers. Sure, I’d put Folds in that group, but his latest album was a polished turd, so I’m a little annoyed with him. I just love good music and I can tell upon listening whether it is good (pure, honest, evocative) or bad (plastic, saccharine, derivative). I’m a little bit of a snob when it comes to music.

NGIP: You are a New York born, American native who has lived in England and currently resides in Australia. How dare you abandon your country, sir! What's Australia got that we haven't got?

Chris: Where to start? OK, the polite answer is that I came for love. My partner grew up here and when we had kids, we decided to come down here to raise them rather than the U.S. or U.K.

The impolitic answer is that the U.S.A. started to drive me nuts in the late 90’s. The politics, the consumerism, the pop culture. The crime, the religiosity, the intolerance. One day I was driving to work and saw an “America, Love it or Leave It” bumper sticker on the back of an SUV and thought to myself, “Self, that’s not a bad idea.”

OK, OK behave yourself, Chris.

How about this – Australia has kangaroos.

NGIP: You're a scientist. Do sinks drain and toilets flush in the opposite direction as the US?

Chris: This is going to disappoint you, as it has many before you: I don’t know. I know that I’m a scientist and should be a keen observer of the natural world, but I’m going to go with the excuse that I’m a geneticist, not a physicist. Or a plumber.

NGIP: You refer to the University of Oxford, where you did post-doctoral research, as the "second best university in the world." What is the first best?

Chris: Actually, I think it’s the third or fourth best now. Much to their chagrin no doubt. I think the current rankings have Harvard as number 1. But it’s all a lot of faff isn’t it? The older I get, the less important that sort of thing seems. I will say, however, that my experience at Oxford was fantastic. But not because it is one of the best universities in the world. I learned how to live there and it had nothing to do with dons.

NGIP: I listen to science podcasts (such as The Naked Scientists and The Skeptics Guide to the Universe). Do you listen to any podcasts? And if so, do you have any favorites or recommendations?

Chris: I love podcasts! One of my favourite ways to keep up with news as well as being entertained throughout the day. Here are five of my current favourites:

1. Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History

2. KCRW’s Left Right and Center

3. The History of Rome

4. The Moth

5. Slate’s Political Gabfest

NGIP: Tuesday is science day on A Free Man. I read your post entitled Science Tuesday: The MMR vaccine and autism – truth, lies and the media. When you hear rumors, (like the one about vaccines causing autism, which leads to anti-vaccine causes, which leads to Jenny McCarthy jumping on the bus, which leads to parents not vaccinating their children, which leads to outbreaks of disease, like measels) does that drive you crazy? How can we make science more accessible and as entertaining as fear-mongering so that people will act more rationally?

Chris: Yes. Absolutely. I’ve thought about dedicating my blog to dispelling the swill that gets reported as ‘fact’ by the lay media. It is dangerous, criminally so. If we had today’s 24 hour tabloid media in the 1950’s, you would still have hundreds of thousands of people coming down with polio every year. I know that the media is struggling and that dedicated science journalists are an endangered species, but what this means is that the general public is going to become increasingly illiterate about science. It really annoys me that the media has to find a sound bite that it thinks the public can handle. That assumes that the audience is stupid. Maybe they are – particularly Fox News viewers – but I have to think that people can handle a bit more detail.

I could go on and on. This reminds me that I haven’t done a science post in some time. Need to do that. In my own minute way I can be a part of the solution.

NGIP: You have a Ph.D. in Genetics. In your opinion, what's this world coming to?

Chris: Jesus! Don’t lob me any soft balls. I’m going to take the path of least resistance. In the words of your commander in chief – that’s above my pay grade.

Actually, the older I get the more optimistic I get because you start to see that most dire predictions are products of the Chicken Little syndrome. That’s not to say that the world isn’t going to crap, just that it’s going to crap a little more slowly than I thought when I was young and all political.

I'd like to thank Chris for putting up with my silly questions and for playing along in this Great Interview Experiment. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming: Squirrels Playing in the Snow.

The Lucky Winners of Marrying George Clooney

For those of you who have been chomping at the bit, I can now tell you that the actual amount of money in this jar was $129.66. The #1 guess by Lisa from Pennsylvania was off by a whopping 34 cents - wow!

And here are the winners of the book Marrying George Clooney by Amy Ferris:

Lisa from Pennsylvania
Wendy at It's Really Only a Purple World
Mrs K at Mrs. K
Bonnie from California
Charlene from Virginia
Gianna at Real Moms...Real Views
DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom
Nicole at The Hughes Family
Tammy H at Happenings on the Hill
MA Fat Woman at Reflections on a Middle-Aged Fat Woman
Kerry from Alaska
Katie from Oregon
Donna at The Shepards
Lance from New York

Congratulations!

Goat Thing of the Day: Performance Art

2009-12-09T10:34:00.000-08:00

Imagine that clunky tinny circus music as you fidget in your seat, wondering if you shouldn't have had that last fried something-on-a-stick, followed by absolute silence. Followed by a drum roll. The announcer comes over the microphone as you crane your neck upward: "Layyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyydees and Gentlemen! If you will direct your attention to Miss Lila one hundred feet above me....":

via Julia from Sometimes Lucid

Is she going to walk a tightrope? Dive into a bucket? What is this poor goat, who is literally half white and half brown, as if her coloring was professionally done, doing way up there?

Also, here's a lovely gift idea for the goat girl or guy who has everything:

as seen on Kim Graham Studios via Elmlish

Today's is the last day to enter the Marrying George Clooney Giveaway. The contest ends at midnight tonight.

This Year's Christmas Card: The Yule Kids

2009-12-08T01:04:00.000-08:00

If I were sending out Christmas cards this year (and I'm not, so don't hold your breath), this is the picture I would slap on the front...

sent in by Tammy of Happenings on the Hill

And now.... a Christmas Carol:

Deck the halls with boys and nannies,

Baa-baa-baa-baa-baa, baa-baa-baa-baa.

Throw on makeshift hats from panties,

Baa-baa-baa-baa-baa, baa-baa-baa-baa.

Don we now our smiles and say cheese,

Baa-baa-baa-baa-baa, baa-baa-baa-baa.

Hurry up Mom before we freeze,

Baa-baa-baa-baa-baa, baa-baa-baa-baa.

From all of us here at Nanny Goats in Panties to all you "kids" out there...

We wish you a Merry SITSmas! (because today is a big bloggerama SITSmas card swapping extravaganza party thing where all the gals and a guy named Preston run around the blogosphere like crazy wishing each other a Merry SITSmas).

Also? There's a big holiday party going on over at SITS, where EVERYONE, SITSta or not, can join in the fun. Prizes are given out every hour all day, so go hit SITS every 60 minutes. I mean, it's not like it's a work day or anything, is it?

Also? In between goofing off to win fabulous prizes, you can visit some of the SITS gals I recently met in Vegas:

The R Family Diaries
Mindless Junque

Stroke of Living

House of Prince

Bobbi in LaLa Land

Chicken Nuggets of Wisdom

The Young and the Relentless

Damn You Little Rock

The Bee Dot

Also? If you haven't yet entered the NGIP giveaway where you guess how much money is in the jar and the 15 closest guesses wins a copy of the hilarious memoir, Marrying George Clooney, then for the love of all that is holy, go enter now!

Also? I'll be shutting up about the contest before 11:59pm on Wednesday, December 9, 2009.

Goat Thing of the Day: Curious Starers

2009-12-05T14:16:00.000-08:00

A fellow blogger, Beth (from What I Should Have Said) and her hubby went for a Sunday drive. They found a dilapidated house and in the field next to it were these curious things. Goat things.

What is it about goats that seem so ready and willing for their close-up?

Thanks, Beth!

And for an additional Goaty Thingy treat, Travis pointed me to a Craigslist ad about a goat, which I shall totally lift and put here (since my many many thousands and thousands of NGIP Kindle subscribers cannot simply click over to it, unless, of course, they have the Kindle Supra Turbo Cobra 9000).

And I quote:

Good and Evil. Two Pygmy Goats

Date: 2009-03-29, 1:38PM EDT

This is the story of two goats. One is as black as midnight, thus his very creative name, Midnight. His coat may be black, but his heart is golden and he is like a ray of sunshine on a gloomy day. He's content to sit in the grass and nibble away at the weeds and just be an all around good guy. He likes freshly cut grass, all weeds, vines, corn and sweet feed. He hasn't been with us for very long, but he's been a joy to have here. 

Then there's Mr. Marbles. He's a much larger goat who will head-butt a fence post, a shed, a car, a lawnmower, a cat or anything else that looks too perfect. He likes things to be dented, knocked over or destroyed. He will eat anything. I mean anything. He will try to eat your clothes off your body and has tried to steal cigarettes out of the hands of visitors. He's very good at hopping fences or bashing them down. If there is a car he can get to, he will climb on the hood and leave a million little hoof dents in it. He'll pull the windshield wipers off for you, pull the trim pieces off, eat them and then use his head to bash out all the marker lights. He can even open the doors if left alone to ponder it long enough. He likes freshly cut grass, all weeds, vines, corn, sweet feed, ornamental shrubs, all expensive plants and trees, Fritos, siding, insulation, plastic, metal, cloth, and most composite materials. He also seems to be addicted to nicotine. 

These two wethers are attached to each other, so you can't have good without evil. Midnight screams his head off when he can't see Mr. Marbles. We need a home for them where they can be kept together and FAR away from any houses, sheds, vehicles, or cigarettes. We'd like to find a friendly, responsible goat farm for them. Although we've threatened to barbecue Mr. Marbles many, many, many, many times, we do prefer that neither of them be used for food. We will give them free to a good home. Please email if interested. WE WILL NOT SEPARATE THEM, so please understand that you cannot have the good without the evil. This is a package deal. We will not be held responsible for the damage Mr. Marbles is going to do to your property. Once again, these goats are FREE to a good home. All we ask is that you return our lawnmower key if Mr. Marbles happens to eventually poop it out. Thank you. 

UPDATE: Mr. Marbles has now learned how to turn on the water faucet. He thinks it's so cool that he does it constantly, all day long. Sometimes throughout the night. I know there has to be someone out there who would appreciate this unique skill. Not every goat knows how to drain a well.

Oh! I almost forgot to mention that Nanny Goats in Panties was recently interviewed by Rootietoot from Because It Really Is Personal, wherein I'm asked, once again, how this blog got its name, among other curious questions.

And another thing....
NGIP is giving away 15 copies of Marrying George Clooney by Amy Ferris. Just guess how much money is in a jar. If you are one of the 15th closest guesses (over or under), you get a book, personally signed the by the author! See the details of book giveaway here. The contest ends this Wednesday, December 9th.

How to Do Coinstar. Also? Win "Marrying George Clooney"

2009-12-03T12:26:00.000-08:00

Everybody has a change purse. Some look like this:

or this:

Mine looks like this:

That's Lacy, the NGIP mascot, if you haven't met her yet.

Time to cash it in! And if you can get your butt over to a Coinstar machine by December 6, they will give you an extra $10.00 if you cash in $40.00 or more. The official rules regarding the $10 Coinstar rebate can be found at http://www.coinstar.com/us/html/q4_officialrules.

You might be saying, "But Margaret (or Nanny Goats, or Hey You, or whatever) I'm scared of those machines. I'll do it all wrong and lose ten dollars in the process. Can you help me?"

But of course! Here's what you do.

First, find the closest Coinstar location near you by visiting http://locator.coinstar.com. Mine was a Raley's grocery store.

Second, put your money in one of those green recyclable shopping bags. Go to the appointed grocery store and as you enter, avert your eyes away from the panhandler who will ask if you have any spare change.

Next, wander around the store, tasting all the food in the bulk aisle, until you encounter the Coinstar machine.

Cue Heavenly chorus music

Approach the machine with awed reverence. You may wish to kiss it or not. It's up to you, but it's about to give you ten free dollars, pal. Whip out your money jar with a flourish and press the START button on the screen.

Right about now, you're probably saying, "Hey, I just want to cash in my coins." No you don't. There is a reason you should choose Buy Prepaid Products and not Cash in Coins.

But there is no fee if you take the money in the form of a Prepaid Product, such as a gift card. So just let me finish and stop interrupting. If you have any questions, just save them for the end. Now where was I? Oh yeah. Select eCertificates.

Then select your gift card destination of choice, such as Amazon.com.

I realize you're tempted to interrupt here and ask me if it's true that Nanny Goats in Panties is available on the Amazon Kindle, but that would be rude because I'm in a real groove here so, less of the talking and more of the listening, okay?

You'll go through a couple more screens and then it's time to start pouring it in!

Lift up that red handle on the left periodically to facilitate the process.

Watch the money add up on the screen.

Keep pouring and realize that those stupid penny rolls you've had since college have once again presented themselves.

Notice that there is someone else now waiting to use the machine as you stop to break open these pesky logs o' pennies. (Not to mention the fact that you keep stopping to snap a picture of this mundane exercise every 90 seconds)

Take too long to open the pennies and snap pictures so that the machine thinks you're done and starts printing out your gift card receipt even though you haven't reached the $40 minimum for the $10 rebate.

Curse under your breath.

Start the whole process again and worry that you won't make it to the $40 minimum this time. Apologize to the woman behind you. Debate telling her that you're doing this for your readers, that you have a blog. Imagine the strange looks you'll get from her as her patient smile fades, giving way to irritation. Decide not to say anything and press the stupid buttons as fast as you can to show how earnest you are in letting her have her turn already. Check her grocery cart to make sure she doesn't have ice cream melting onto the floor.

Grab your receipts, thank the lady behind you for her patience, and get out of her way.

And now for the fun part. Can you guess how much total money I had in my money jar? Here's the picture again.

The FIFTEEN closest guesses will get a personally signed copy of Amy Ferris' awesomely funny memoir, Marrying George Clooney. Click here to enter: Enter Marrying George Clooney Giveaway.

UPDATE: THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED TO ENTRIES

Also: My review of Marrying George Clooney, by Amy Ferris. Her book is also available on Kindle.

And: Amy Ferris' blog, Marrying George Clooney.

Goat Thing of the Day: Groovy, Baby

2009-12-02T00:05:00.000-08:00

Michele (of MidLifeMama) sometimes hangs out at Drumlin Farm, a working farm that has an educational component. She captured a photo of one of their females that almost looks like she might be smiling. Unless that's just lip liner.

Aaaaaaaand, Andy Megawon (of Andy Megawon's Blog), as well as Braja (of Lost and Found in India) showed me the following groovy picture from the I Can Has Cheezburger site.

Ten Hidden Extra Features for the Amazon Kindle

2009-11-27T21:31:00.000-08:00

Perhaps you're wondering what to get that special loved one for Christmas. The one who annoys you all year, but then decides to play nice just before the holidays because you're such an awesome gifter. Have you considered an Amazon Kindle? It's not just for reading, you know.

Remember in July when I showed you my accidental discovery of its use as a food tray/remote control device? I mean, before I understood that my birthday present had a default purpose of (scoff!) reading?

My birthday present

Well, since then I've found that the Kindle is so much more!

And don't worry about your sandwich crumbs making a mess on your Kindle. It's very easy to clean.

Since its screensaver has a rotating series of portraits of famous literary figures, I glued it to a picture frame and displayed it in our living room to show off to all our guests.

But I haven't even BEGUN to show you all of Kindle's functions. It's a shoe stretcher.

It's a change and key tray.

Banana Republic employees will appreciate its unique ability to deliver folded clothing in under 30 seconds with its patented Whispersync technology.

And that's not all. It's also a door stopper...

The Kindle is great for traveling because you can use it as a writing desk to write out your post cards and letters. I find it extremely handy for filling out forms that require three or four carbon copies.

You can really dress up a bathroom with the decorative Kindle Toilet Lid Cover feature.

Have I mentioned how the Kindle promotes a healthier diet?

I call this the Nanny Goats Nina Pinta Banana Maria Kindle smoothie. It's yummy and chock full of fiber!

Sometimes Lacy, the NGIP mascot, sneaks off with it and uses it for more mundane activities like reading books and subscribing to her favorite magazines and blogs (such as Nanny Goats in Panties). Here, you can see Lacy reading fellow humor blogger Robert Kroese's latest novel, Mercury Falls.

Lacy has no imagination and can't think outside the box and I tell her this, but she just shakes her stuffed head at me and sings to me as if for the 100th time the various praises about the Kindle. Like how you can subscribe to this very blog, Nanny Goats in Panties on it. Or, how you can get a 14 day free trial on all newspapers, magazines, and blogs, like this one, for example. Or how you can look at the beginning of books for free before you buy them.

I don't really care for her tone as she goes on and on about how people living outside the US can now get the Kindle, or how she can change the text-size to instantly create a large print book. Or how much money (and trees, and gas, and shipping costs, and time, and...etc.) she saves. She just bought Mackenzie Phillips' new autobiography High on Arrival today for $8.10 on the Kindle. (Speaking of which, they'll give anybody a credit card these days, won't they?)

Actually, one of my favorite features, is that the battery lasts for weeks. Did I stutter? You heard me. Weeks!

A friend of mine visiting Australia and New Zealand recently bemoaned the fact that his wife paid $24 for a paperback (TWENTY-FOUR DOLLARS FOR A PAPERBACK!!! WTF?). If she'd had a Kindle with the 3G wireless network that now works internationally in 100 countries, she could have simply zapped another book down into that bad boy and voila! - be reading again. Needless to say, he bought her one for this Christmas.

And if you ask Santa for one this year, maybe you too, could be a part of this picture:

Oh, did I mention that NGIP is available on Kindle?

I did?

Oh.

Well, did I also tell you that if you don't subscribe to NGIP via Kindle, you could still leave a customer review telling others how faboo you think NGIP is?

I did?

Well, did I tell you that at press time, the Nanny Goats in Panties blog has an Amazon sales rank of 6,529 in the Kindle store and a rank of 13 in the Humor and Satire category?

Whaddya mean, "What does that mean?" I can't believe you just asked me that.

OK, I don't know what it means, exactly.

But if I might make one last attempt at shameless self-promotion, I have been interviewed for the famous Sunday Roast over at Clouds and Silvery Linings by the incomparable Eddie Bluelights.

Take it away, Eddie!

Goat Thing of the Day: The Class Dweeb

2009-11-25T11:45:00.000-08:00

Alert readers Lorie (The Shewbridges of Celebration, FL) and Ilsa pointed me to a goat picture from Cute Overload.

I will quote the accompanying dialogue as I find it pairs well with the picture, like a fine Pinot.

“Hey, Stacy, I noticed you missed Civics class again; if you want, I could help you study for the mid-term because Mr. Dorfman says it’s one-third of your grade and it really won’t be any trouble because I took really good notes and it’s OK if you come over tonight even though it’s D&D night and my mom can make s’mores…” (etc.)

The folks over at Cute Overload seem to have invented a process (and coined a term) of their own: "TOOF-HANCE" Allow me to demonstrate the TOOF-HANCE:

The bullies must have swiped his duct-taped spectacles.

Indian Outlaw Spotted in Indian Casino...Or Was He?

2009-11-23T10:21:00.000-08:00

So there we were, at the casino, mesmerized by one-armed bandits, losing next week's groceries, when the nearby country music band's lead singer says, "Tim McGraw! Come on up here!"

I'm far too hypnotized by spinning reels and rapidly decreasing credits to pay too much attention until a lady gambling her life away at a machine behind me bursts out, "Oh my God! That IS Tim McGraw!"

What? Really? Tim McGraw in this podunk little town, just dropping by any ol' Indian Casino and hopping up on stage to jam (or whatever is the country equivalent of jamming is...pluck? kick? spit?) with an unknown band?

Hey, why are they still allowed to call them Indian Casinos and not Native American casinos?

Well anyway, I don't know what Tim McGraw looks like, but I instantly thought of you guys and figured you'd know better than me. So tell me, is this Tim McGraw or not?

I realize the picture quality is atrocious, but my cell phone ain't the most megapixelly. I feel like one of those people who have claimed to capture the only modern photo of Big Foot and this blurry picture is the best piece of evidence there is.

So maybe I can do something else here to help you help me.

This IS Tim McGraw:

photo lifted from Wikipedia

And this...is NOT Tim McGraw - he's an impersonator.

photo lifted from Legends in Concert

Also, for what it's worth, Faith Hill was nowhere in sight.

Well? What say you?

Goat Thing of the Day: A 1927 Cutie in Los Angeles

2009-11-21T11:08:00.000-08:00

There I was, at Iron Steaks bar, just off Broadway in Sacramento. It was a gathering of writer types. When from out of the sea of people my new friend Russell who has a website called SugarLump or The Sweetest Thing Living, I'm not really sure which, approached with a framed photograph.

"I have something for you...," he said.

Oh boy! Finally someone was going to give me a million dollars! Woo-hoo!

"This is my dad," he said, showing me a black and white photograph.

Oh.

Oh! With a goat!

This was what they clogged the San Diego freeway with back then.

"Is there a story behind this?" I asked him.

"I don't know the story. Only that he's three or four years old in that picture and it was taken in 1927 in Los Angeles."

"I will return this to you," I told him.

"Oh no, that's a copy I made for you."

"But the frame..."

"Oh, please. Ninety-nine cents at Walgreens."

I love you people.

How Do You Pronounce the Year "2010"?

2009-11-19T16:36:00.000-08:00

Debate about how to pronounce the upcoming years is heating up. I mean, we've been chugging along since the new millenium with "Two Thousand, Two Thousand One, etc." and all of a sudden some people out there will be changing this pattern in January with "Twenty Ten". The International Olympics Committee and Vancouver 2010 are officially referring to this winter's Olympics in Vancouver as the "Twenty Ten Olympics". And then there are those who feel the pronounciation will not convert to "twenty-something" until 2011.

How did we get into such a mess? Last century we were pretty consistent with, for example, 1909 and 1910 as "Nineteen Oh Nine" and "Nineteen Ten". So why the problem this century?

Two words: Stanley Kubrick.

Say "2001: A Space Odyssey". Go ahead, say it. You're saying "Two Thousand One", aren't you...AREN'T YOU????

So we can blame the marketing wizards behind this Hollywood production for mucking us up now. We were brainwashed into saying "Two Thousand One" since 1968, which is pronounced, by the way, as "nineteen sixty-eight". As opposed to "One Thousand Nine Hundred Sixty-Eight" (and don't get me started on whether or not there is an "and" before the "sixty-eight" - you should have learned all that in Consumer Ed. class when you learned how to write checks - oh, I should point out that checks are little pieces of paper that you sometimes see little old ladies slowly pulling out of their pocketbooks in front of you at the grocery check-out line about 5 minutes AFTER the checker has told her how much her total is.)

Where was I? Oh yeah, 2010. And while the Hollywood do-as-I-sayers would have you believe that you pronounce it as "Two Thousand Ten", the Olympic Committee will have no more of this crap and have worked tirelessly to promote the "Twenty Ten" Olympics. These are the same language nazis who forgave us our "Two Thousand" transgressions when Y2K first appeared, but who now refuse to understand why we didn't next follow suit with "Twenty Ought One", "Twenty Ought Two",...etc.

Well, Mr. Olympic Committee Chairperson Snobby McSnobberson, I don't think you "ought" to tell us how to pronounce our own language. I think you "ought" to mind your own beeswax. In fact, you "ought" to feel lucky we will even watch your stupid two-week long TV show, or miniseries, or whatever that overly-sponsored global sporting event thing that you have is.

And while I have you on the line, Mr. McSnobberson, what the heck is the Skeleton event? And can you use "skeleton" like a verb? Can you go skeletoning? And while you're at it, maybe you "ought" to tell us how to pronounce it.

Hey, I forgot to tell you guys last week that I met Gladys from Gladys Tells All when she blew through Sacramento. I love meeting fellow bloggers. I realize I risk my life meeting them in person, and I probably shouldn't agree to being dropped off blind-folded in a dark cat-pee-stained alley, but I'm kind of desperate for friends and lucky for me, Gladys was awesome!

Goat Thing of the Day: Baby Goats Hop on Bus

2009-11-18T10:22:00.000-08:00

Last week, two baby goats hopped on a bus in Vancouver, Washington. They broke out of their pen and followed two woman to the bus stop. And tried to board a bus with the two women. And knowing how frugal goats can be, you can bet they didn't have a bus pass.

Initially, I couldn't find a way to embed the video here, and had planned for you to click on the picture below to take to you the Fox 12 Oregon News video. Or have you read the baby goat bus story on their website.

Yoda and Yates. (Thanks, Sue!)

But then, Owen from the Magic Lantern Show happened to send me a link to where CNN picked it up and is therefore embeddable, so you can press play on this one:

Now, for the benefit of my many many thousands of Kindle subscribers who are unable to view video (unless you have the Amazon Super Massive Turbo Kindle Master 2012X), allow me to describe to you the contents of said video: Two baby goats try to board a bus.