Nanobits

I don't owe anybody anything

2012-01-05T21:56:00.002Z

Plural for "caucus" is "cockeye".

The Newt Deal

2011-12-09T22:03:00.001Z

<Gingrich> I'm a man who listens to the people. They say to get the money out of politics. Personally, I get as much money out of politics as I can.

Last version 2 years ago? The project must be dead.

2011-10-31T01:00:00.002Z

How does Windows expect to compete with Linux if Windows doesn't even have an apt repository? How the hell am I supposed to install it? I see some torrents, but none of them appear to be official. Windows really isn't ready for prime time.

My Little Sister Can't Be This Old

2011-09-22T03:11:00.001Z

Through a series of pervvy mishaps, a high schooler finds himself being cryogenically frozen wearing his little sister's undergarments. When he is finally thawed 60 years later, he is reunited with his sister, who is now 75 years old. How will he reconcile his lust for his little sister with her new - old - look? And what's more.. she has been saving herself for him??

I think that's how it goes

2011-08-31T04:13:00.000Z

On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country, and to obey the Scout Law, to help other people at all times, to keep myself physically fit, mentally awake, and Orly Taits.

1+1

2011-08-24T21:21:00.004Z

<User> What's 1+1?
<Google> 2
<User> What's 1+1?
<Google> 2
<User> What's 1+1?
<Google> 1 +1 means one person has indicated that he or she likes the item.
<User> Dammit, Google.

Tom Kurukuru?

2011-07-10T13:48:00.001Z

CHARLIE HENSHIN!!

pkill -9 /bin/laden

2011-05-02T04:12:00.000Z

Look, I'm willing to take the President at his word that Osama bin Laden is dead, but I think a lot of Americans find it odd that they haven't released his death certificate. Like, what are they hiding?

Public service announcement

2011-04-20T03:52:00.000Z

I had a dream. And in that dream was a car. And in that car was a woman. And in that woman was a man. And in that man was an STD. Be safe: Don't nap after watching this commercial.

Modus operandi

2011-03-31T18:12:00.002Z

Modus is when you take just the remainder of a division operandi.

First!

2011-03-20T15:14:00.002Z

During sex, we play this game where we try to see who can make the other person orgasm first.

I'm a gentleman, so I always let her win.

Wars

2011-02-28T21:46:00.002Z

Wars are the peeing contests of the rich, and we're the yellow snow.

On to the Senate

2011-02-19T23:42:00.000Z

House Republicans have just voted to extend key provisions in Godwin's Law.

I Will Live On

2011-01-28T05:55:00.001Z

First I was afraid.
I was petrified.
Kept thinking I would turn and see
a creeper by my side.
But then I spent so many nights
digging holes into the ground.
What I found:
Diamond ore was all around.

And now I'm back
outside my base.
I just walked out to find you there
with that sad look upon your face.
And I've got all my armor on,
and I've got all my loaves of bread,
and I'm about to get my diamond
sword lodged in your shrubby head.

Go on and hiss, and flash away.
This place is in need
of renovation anyway.
You'll go out with a bang and think my hearts will be gone.
You think I'd red out.
You think I'd have to respawn.

Oh no, you're wrong.
I will live on.
As long as I can cook some pork,
I will see another dawn.
I've got all this dust to rig,
I've got all this ore to dig,
and I'll live on.
I will live on.

13 sets of 24

2011-01-26T03:35:00.000Z

My doctor said I need to be more active, so I switched from manga to anime.

The choco cornet keeps spinning...

2011-01-06T14:30:00.000Z

"How are we going to stop Konata Izumi from playing galgames?"

"We'll have to plant a seed deep into her subconscious."

"You're talking about inception!"

"Yes. First, we'll need to put her into a coma. Then, we'll enter her dream and put her dream self into a coma. We'll have to go three, maybe four levels deep."

"Four levels deep?! Isn't that-"

"Yes, a 4-coma."

I Love You More, Minecraft edition

2011-01-05T02:47:00.001Z

I love you more than skeletons love spiders.
I love you more than spiders love riders.
I love you more than creepers emit megalux.

I love you more than reddit hates diggers.
I love you more than Notch hates Norwegians.
I love you more than chickens look like ducks.

Suits

2010-11-07T01:42:00.001Z

Oracle has filed a lawsuit against game developer Markus Persson, citing an object class member that violates the Java licensing agreement. The filing, which was published on the Oracle website Saturday afternoon, explains that an Oracle employee was in the process of auditing Persson's decompiled Java code during one of their routine inspections, when the auditor discovered a class field that was declared public.

"It's unfortunate," said James Gosling, who is credited with inventing the Java language, "but this rule has been in the Java EULA for a long time. Sun used to be pretty relaxed about this sort of stuff, but Oracle believes in enforcing the rules, and that's what they're doing."

We weren't able to reach Oracle for comment, because we couldn't afford the upgrade to their premium PR product.

Life

2010-10-26T01:05:00.000Z

Life isn't complicated.

That is, unless you try to make it complicated.

That is, unless you are terrible at making it complicated.

That is, unless you get lucky and make it complicated anyway.

That is, unless what you've made complicated was actually a subjective interpretation of life and not really life itself.

That is, unless life itself is defined by how you experience it.

That is, unless that very idea implies that life is solely what you make of it and is therefore fundamentally uncomplicated.

That is, unless your very thoughts are products of complicated factors and not entirely within your control.

That is, unless you realize that it just isn't worth stressing over, and you let life be life.

It isn't that complicated.

How it works

2010-10-17T01:43:00.002Z

Dippin' Dots are made by feeding ice cream to rabbits.

Causes of death

2010-09-24T02:45:00.000Z

Guns don't kill people, insufficient oxygen flow to vital organs due to excessive blood loss through bullet wounds kills people.

Hurricane Earl

2010-09-04T17:45:00.000Z

There once was a storm in Nantucket
we feared would hit hard once it struck it.
The media stressed,
but it turned for the best:
the rain barely filled up a bucket.

Sharing is bad

2010-09-03T19:20:00.000Z

If Bob were to download child pornography on BitTorrent, he would be violating U.S. federal law. The logic behind that law is that downloading and sharing the content -- without even paying the creator of that content -- would lead to *increased* profits toward the content creator, which would in turn lead to *more* of it being produced.

If Bob were to download copyrighted music on BitTorrent, he would be violating U.S. federal law. The logic behind that law is that downloading and sharing the content -- without even paying the creator of that content -- would lead to *decreased* profits toward the content creator, which would in turn lead to *less* of it being produced.

...wait.

Legal question

2010-08-31T01:45:00.002Z

Two super hot girls are having consensual sex with each other. Suddenly, girl A grabs you and forces you to go down on both of them (although you are perfectly fine with this turn of events). However, girl B only wants to have sex with girl A, not you, even though it's girl A that's making you have sex with girl B.

Is someone being raped here? If so, who, and by whom?

Julian Assange

2010-08-21T15:02:00.000Z

Wikileaks rapin' errbody out herr!