Relationships between women are often complex affairs. We love our intimate bonding sessions with our girlfriends, but we also have the tendency to gossip, backstab, or exclude the very same close friends sometimes. While many may say that this mean streak is just the natural behaviour of most women, this is certainly no excuse to behave in a way that so deliberately sets out to destroy valuable female friendships. Nanz Inc takes a closer look at where this cattiness comes from and how you can stop yourself from being a meanie.

By: Melanie Lee

Why So Mean?

Self-Preservation
Just as with men, there usually is more competition within the same gender. It’s about the survival of the fittest in this world of scarce resources – and there are plenty of things females often pit themselves against each other with: looks, jobs, husbands, children, clothes, houses, hair, weight, fitness etc. Because women are more relational, there is a tendency to make countless comparisons and this can sometimes result in sabotaging a good girlfriend from feelings of being “lousier” or “left out”.

Jealousy
Related to comparison and competition is the idea that women tend to adopt a selectively rosier perspective on their girlfriends’ lives – it always seems as if everyone else seems to have it “so much easier” and this just ain’t fair. The homemakers envy the exciting lives of their working friends. The career women pine after the flexibility of their homemaker friends. Both sides start muttering about how some people are too free or some people are too materialistic and the cycle of badmouthing begins.

Unrealistic Expectations
Sometimes, we can be overly judgmental with our own gender and this can unwittingly lead to excessive pettiness. If a guy cancels having coffee with you, he is just a jerk; if your girlfriend does the same, it is an outright betrayal of the sisterhood. Ironically, because one clings a little too fiercely onto this whole idea of female bonding, spiteful disputes such as “Why did you tell X but not tell me?” ensue.

How To Un-Mean Yourself

Do Unto Others As You Want Others To Do To You
Look back on the times you have grumbled about your girlfriends. I’m sure you have your strong views about how a true friend is supposed to treat you. Likewise, try to do the same with your own friends. Sincerity and generosity is often reciprocal and can significantly cut down your meanness quotient.

Watch Your Words
Because gossiping has become such a habit for many of us, sometimes, we say mean things about our friends just to make things “juicy” and entertaining. However, this really is not being respectful to your friends, even if they will never know about it. If you call them your friends, the things you say about them should show that you treat them like friends.

Confront Rather Than Backstab
If you feel that there are things you need to thrash out with your girlfriend, it’s better to get the issues out in the open rather than bitching about it behind her back. While confrontation can get uncomfortable and is a lot harder than ranting to others, it keeps things honest, and could pave the way for an even deeper and more meaningful friendship.

Have interesting “secret Meanie” stories to share? Leave a comment!

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So you’ve got as much to do as you always have — but you’re finding instead of feeling fuelled by the challenge, you’re listless and moody of late? Get a little boost as Nanz Inc shows you how to cheer up the natural way.

By: Ng Lin-Li

Nobody ever said Superwoman had to be in a good mood all the time. But with busy schedules and different commitments competing for our attention, it’s easy to start feeling tired and moody. Throw in a few difficult colleagues or family members, and the day gets even gloomier.

The best way to combat this is to develop an arsenal of your favourite things that can help lift your mood. Some people recover their spark by taking a long shower with their favourite scented soaps, others find it in showering their pets with love (and vice versa). Whatever your modus operandi, recognize it’s important to get out of a blue funk, so that you can go back to being productive. These activities Nanz Inc suggests can help lighten things up.

Exercise in moderation
It may be the last thing on your mind, but it really helps. While it isn’t clear exactly how exercises decreases anxiety and moodiness, research shows that brain chemicals that make you feel good (endorphin and neurotransmitters) are released during exercise. If you don’t have time to hit the gym, even half an hour of Pilates at home or climbing the stairs instead of taking the lift, three to five times a week, can help. Join a fun sport or group exercise if that motivates you more.

Increase your Vitamin B intake
Symptoms of a Vitamin B deficiency are moodiness and anemia, which could leave you feeling tired and grumpy. Besides having regular, nutritious meals, supplement your diet with a multivitamin containing a B complex with the essential range of B vitamins. Alternatively, take more foods that are high in vitamin B12 like fish, dairy products, eggs and liver, and foods high in vitamin B6 like bell peppers, bananas, tuna, garlic and cauliflower.

Laugh and smile
Watch a comedy, read a humorous book or find anything else that tickles your funny bone and laugh away. A variety of physiological changes occur as we laugh heartily, with endorphins and muscle tension being released with each guffaw. Humor can also remind us to take a more positive and light-hearted look at life and people.

Connect with positive people
Call up your most encouraging and upbeat friends, and spend a little time with them. Share your feelings instead of trying to keep it all in. Being with people who care about and love you, even if you are moody and not at your best, can give you the boost that you need. What you need is to feel supported, and maybe you could get a change in perspective as well. (Friends that make you laugh are a bonus!)

Get enough sleep
Time spent in La-la-land is nature’s way of giving us a break from stress and immediate concerns, restoring the body and mind to give us energy to get through the next day. Conversely, insufficient sleep can make us feel negative and lethargic about everything. Each person needs a different amount of sleep, so find out what is your optimum quantity because getting enough shut-eye is imperative to feeling and living better.

Have some fish oil
Remember those mouthfuls of cod liver oil you had to take as a child? It might be a good time to revisit that (go for capsules if you still shudder at its fishy taste). Besides providing a host of other health benefits, omega-3 fatty acids found in fish oil, namely EPA (eicosapentaenoic acid), has been shown to have positive effects on moodiness.

Important: If you are feeling chronically depressed (ie no matter what you do to get out of feeling hopeless, you cannot seem to overcome it), or if you find you are unable to regulate your mood, be sure to seek counseling or medical help as soon as possible.

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Chow Keat Yeng, or Keat for short, is a two-timer. By day, she works hard at her marketing job. By night (and weekends), this energetic 30-year-old hangs up her power suit and slips into the role of Principal of Artistic Expressions, a speech-and-drama school, of which she is the owner Nanz Inc gets in on the act with this superwoman.

By: Audra Lim

Most people either run a business, or are employed in a full-time job. You do both. You either have great time management skills, or have 48 hours a day. Which is it?
I guess it’s the former as I would probably end up working more if the day was longer and that would be suicide! It’s all about time management and prioritizing.
List the things you need to do in order of priority before the start of each day and stick to the list. Focus wholeheartedly on completing each task, one by one. There is always a tendency to want to do everything all at once, in the shortest possible time.

Why did you set up Artistic Expressions?
In 2002, my alma mater, Holy Child Speech & Drama, closed its doors. My students were stranded and wanted to continue their Speech and Drama lessons. It was then that I decided to open my own school and take them under my wing.

What were some challenges you faced as you built up your business?
I was 23 when I started the school – some were skeptical about whether I had the business acumen, or if I was able to teach their children. I also wanted to stand on my own feet, so loans from family or the bank were out of the question. The lack of funds turned out to be a good thing because it challenged me to think of creative (and cheaper) alternatives to get the word out.

I believe that the school needs to have integrity, and I wanted the school to hire teachers who were experienced and equipped with the right certifications. However, many of these teachers then were engaged in prior teaching engagements. So I decided the school could also be a training academy for those who had the passion and were willing to be trained in this field.

How does Artistic Expressions stand out from other speech-and-drama schools?
Apart from trained and properly certified teachers and offering both LAMDA and Trinity-Guildhall examinations, the school prides itself in focusing more on speech and learning through creative play.

There is always a skill to be developed or honed in every child. That’s the beauty of speech-and-drama. For some, it could be diction, for others it could be overcoming the fear of public speaking. Sometimes, speech-and-drama can just provide an outlet for kids to express themselves in a safe and supportive environment – something that schools and homes may not necessarily provide.

We also conduct speech-and-drama for homeschoolers. Through dramatic play, students explore improvisation, movement, voice and role playing, while the age group mixing encourages social development and empathetic thinking.

The school believes that children and adults must acquire sound vocal techniques – therefore the lessons continually teach students how to tap into the power of their voice in a natural, simple and most importantly, enjoyable way, exploring their voice as a source of personal expression and creativity.

Breathing, resonance, techniques to improve one’s speech and diction are addressed in every lesson to make students aware of their power of communication.
Artistic Expressions is also launching a performing arm to train young potential talents. This is in line with the work I do in directing and writing children’s productions – three of which have been staged at The Esplanade.

What advice would you offer to aspiring women entrepreneurs?
Step 1: Make a decision to succeed now and stay focused.
The road to becoming an entrepreneur is less travelled because it takes constant effort to work on yourself and business. Most people will not do what it takes to succeed because they lack the belief in themselves or their desire is not strong enough. But stick out the course that you have started. This is one of the laws of the universe. The tortoise will always win the race.

Step 2: Choose an industry of interest.
Choose something that has always been very interesting to you. And perhaps more importantly, choose an industry that you are familiar with.
Many people choose careers for the money instead of joy. But the reality is that most successful people have done well because they do not perceive what they do as work but play.

Step 3: Treat it like a job.
Most advisors or entrepreneurial gurus usually advise people to treat their business as a business and not a hobby. The truth of the matter is that you will have to treat your income-producing activities the same as you do your job. In the world of entrepreneurialism, you will not have a boss telling you what to do. You will be liable for your own results. Make a list of income-producing activities each day that will move you towards your goals and make sure that you do them.

Step 4: Think out of the box.
There are always possibilities to extend the reach and positively impact more people with what your business can offer. Strategise first, then do. Know your market well (i.e. business strengths and weaknesses, competitors, size of target audience and type of target audience) and have a strategy in mind – you can then plan your marketing campaign more effectively.
If you challenge yourself to continually think out of the box, you can capitalize on the enormous untapped potential in business.

Step 5: One step at a time.
Problems arise when one becomes greedy for more expansion. What I’ve realized is that there is a time for everything and things will fall into its perfect place somehow. It is important to have a game plan and take one thing at a time. Never be in a hurry.

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It is almost a genetic code written into humankind. That mother-in-law and daughter-in-law never shall coexist harmoniously, for as long as they both shall live. To be a superwife, supermom AND a super daughter-in-law – now that is just pushing it.

Yet surely, there must be a way to ensure that the man caught in the drama of it all – your husband, her son – is spared the trauma of being sandwiched between the two women he loves? Nanz Inc takes a stab at navigating this age-old minefield.

By: Audra Lim

The stories are plentiful. One mother-in-law suggested that her newly-born grandchild cried a lot because he did not like his mother’s milk – this after loudly praising her daughter-in-law immediately after the birth with a “Well done!”.

Another regularly inspects her son’s kitchen and tsks tsks her daughter-in-law for not having enough food in the fridge, not doing the laundry properly and then launches into the all-too-familiar “when are you having kids” rant.

Yet another got chased out of the house by a post-partum-depressed daughter-in-law after incessantly nagging her and forcing her to conform to old-school confinement practices.

Ah, family dramas. What will everyone do without them?

In its basest form, the tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often a result of the difficulty a mother faces in realizing that she is no longer the dominant, or sole female influence in her son’s life. She may also think that her daughter-in-law is unable to do as good as job as her in taking care of the man they both love. More often than not, she really just wants the best for her son; her interferences are commited out of good intentions. And this is the key to tolerating, and even getting along with a mother-in-law who might feel like an albatross tied around your neck sometimes.

For the sake of a better marriage, happier family and all-round harmony, keep these in mind the next time you feel ready to lash out at She-Who-Pokes-Her-Nose-In-Everything:

1. Respect thy mother(-in-law).

At the very least, the fact that she gave life to your husband and took care of him all those years should invoke some form of gratitude. Accept that your husband will forever have a special bond with her, simply because she is his mother. You cannot take her place, just as she cannot take yours. Period.

2. Respect thy husband.

The poor man probably feels like sandwich filling. And it’s not a fun place to be. Instead of giving him flak for being a mummy’s boy and not being on your side, tell him that while you may not agree with his mother all the time, you understand the predicament he is in. Just showing that you recognize the strain he is going through would gain you brownie points for being such a gracious wife.

3. Respect thy family.

The effect of family disputes on other family members can be negative. Remember that your children are witnessing the unhappiness, and can pick up on the negative vibes even if you do not verbalise your thoughts. For their sake, try to maintain peace with your mother-in-law. In the grand scheme of things, it does not matter who wins or loses. What matters is a happy family.

Coming up soon: Mother-in-law tips from successful daughters-in-law.

If you have a story about your mother-in-law, share! Leave a comment!

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Today was a really good day for Nanz and I.

We had been hurtling through Jan and Feb like two rockets when suddenly two weeks ago, Nanz said “Hey. What are we doing for International Women’s Day?”

A mad scramble and a half later, my good friend, the beautiful and most lovely Ms Daryl Teo (“Dee” for short), marketing manager of the Lo & Behold Group (they own Loof, White Rabbit, The Shack in Sentosa and OverEasy), offered to host a luncheon for us and 10 of our MVPs (much-valued pals) at the wonderful OverEasy, which is a “diner” serving amazing food and all-day breakfast (yes, truffle egg!).

We gathered at 12 today at One Fullerton. OverEasy overlooks the new IR and the Singapore River/Reservoir. It would have been perfect to be outside had the weather been 15 degrees cooler! OverEasy has a really chilled-out vibe about it– probably why there were quite a number of corporate types blowing off Monday morning steam with a great lunch! A bar divvies up the space into a dining and a lounge area. By night, I imagine the alfresco space fills up with couples and groups of pals hanging out listening to the live band.

As women are wont to do, we sat down and started talking nine to the dozen. Among us were Klessis Lee (a secretary and a mummy blogger), Daphne Ling (a mummy blogger and writer), Sunuja Naidu (editor of Today’s Parents), Cheryl Ng (a web-entrepreneur who used to bring in diaper bags), Novie Tan (an entrepreneur with a training business), Dr Lynda Wee (a training business owner and educator), and Nanz Inc’s wonderful writers Lianne Ong and Melanie Lee.

It was a casual lunch -but oh what a lunch! Dee is not the Hostest with the Mostest for nothing.

Drink of the day: Mint lemonade
Starters: Nacho chips with 2 dips: guacamole & spicy sausage
Soup: Mushroom and cream of tomato
Salad: Duck Confit Salad (baby spinach, peeled mandarins, cashew and tender chunks of duck)
Shares 1: Truffle Shoestring Fries Shares 2: Baby Burgers (cheese-covered steaks!)
Mains: Linguine with Chicken or Prawn
Dessert: Brownie (with chocolate shavings on top!) and the most perfect Apple Crumble ever.

As you can tell, the food was quite nearly the main event (and comes highly recommended by both Nanz and I – you will not regret blowing your calorie-count here).

As we munched our way to dessert, the conversations around the table were a wonderful mixture of work, family, children, husbands, weight loss (yes, that’s us, eating lunch and talking about lymphatic drainage) and exercise (or lack thereof). This was exactly what we imagined a cosy Nanz Inc gathering should be like.

“It’s fun that it’s just a small group of us,” noted Melanie. True, we could have real conversations in a group like this.

Our photographer Jeff Tan started off being the fly on the wall but pretty soon caved in to the wonderful company and awesome food. He did however work very hard (thanks Jeff) and we made every guest say a line or two about what International Women’s Day means to them, and what they feel are the best things about being a woman. (Of course, some talked about the lunch!) You’ll get to watch those clips soon!

At 1.15pm, SURPRISE! Elim Chew and her manager Ruth Quek and rapper Chitabee showed up! I had invited Elim but Nanz and I decided we should try and keep it a secret (in case the very busy Ms Chew had to bail — she came from a Barclays speech that ended at 12.45!).

Yes you read right — Elim brought her rapper. The woman has her own rapper.

“Other people tells jokes to get the crowd to pay attention, I bring a rapper lah,” she explained. Chitabee is a 22-year-old rap champ who, under the mentorship of Elim, has gone from what others saw as unremarkable, to a young man with his own business. He runs a studio that cuts albums for local acts. Chitabee is hired by Elim to warm her crowds before a speech.

Now, that’s what I call style. (Maybe I should consider a posse of Chippendales dancers to open for Nanz’s next speaking engagement…)

Elim brought the topic of social entrepreneurship to the table. We’re such busy women doing so much — why not think of a way to make our work or business do good while we’re working at it?

Too soon, sadly, the luncheon had to end and the various ladies had to go back to work, back to meetings, back home to the babies.

Thank you all for being there today! Your presence, warmth and comments touched us — do keep telling us how to make Nanz Inc better, and how we can help more women in greater ways.

A big thank you and kiss-kiss to the fantastic staff at OverEasy for giving such amazing service! We’ll be back!

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Happy Women’s Day! In honour of this wonderful celebration of every female in the world, Nanz Inc launches our Superwoman series, starting with how to give yourself the best present ever: Space!

Busy, busy, busy – that’s what the life of a modern Asian woman seems to be about. “Give me my space!” you feel like yelling out to the world as countless to-dos stream in, clamouring for your time. Here’s the news: it’s really up to you to create some room in your life to just Be.

By: Melanie Lee

Your to-do list is never-ending and full of unchecked items, your mobile is ringing off the hook, your e-mail inbox perpetually seems to be flooded and you are starting to feel increasingly stifled and overwhelmed.

However, the fact of the matter is, this is the way that life is going to be most of the time – and the only way to deal with this situation in the long-term is to create some sanity-restoring space in your own life.

Here are some suggestions:

Go slow. Deliberately.
Life is dynamic and unpredictable and there will always be events happening and tasks to do. Realise that most of the time, it is perfectly ok not to complete everything – after all, there will always be new things coming in, and it’s a good thing, because it means that your time is in demand. Don’t rush to complete things just because “you have to” as it will only compromise the standard of work as well as your enjoyment in doing the task.

Live in the present.
The problem with us women is that sometimes, we tend to mope on past mistakes and fret over things that may go wrong in the future. These anxieties really clutter our lives unnecessarily and make us a lot less unaware and productive in the present. By living in the now, we can fully engage with the people and our surroundings and in turn make the best out of our present actions.

Do something different.
Many of us love holidays because it is such a refreshing shift from our hectic lives. We walk around taking in new sights for hours, we spend time talking and sharing new experiences with our loved ones, we make friends with strangers, we rest a lot more. Why not introduce these little changes that you liked so much from your overseas breaks to your daily life? Go for a concert. Try a new sport. Take a new route to work. Chat with someone next to you on the train. These little breaks from our routines give us the space to explore the fun and interesting things this world has to offer.

Have some me-time.
Last but not least, the most obvious way to find that space for yourself is by being alone. This enforced loneliness might seem a little scary and empty, but it’s important, as you need to connect with yourself first before you can find the capacity to let other people and things into your life. It could be something as simple as having a 10-minute catnap, going for a solo work lunch or taking a short walk by yourself after dinner – these brief, liberating moments give you precious legroom to clear your head and feel recharged once more.

Start today and enjoy your Space on International Women’s Day!

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Stand out from the rest of the sombre-looking notebooks with the 15.5” VAIO E Series notebook that comes in a vivid spectrum of colours, patterns and finishes to fit any personality or lifestyle.

For all the fun, entertainment and socialising you can have on the notebook, it’s almost a travesty that most of these devices tend to look so stiff upper lip and dowdy. Thank goodness for Sony that constantly refreshes the features and colours of their VAIO Series models so that us trendsetters won’t feel it too drab to be caught outside using our notebooks. Here are some reasons why Sony’s newly launched VAIO E series is able to stylishly brighten up your life:

Glamorously Glossy

The hallmark of the VAIO E Series is that it offers a one-of-a-kind range of glossy lid coverings that make these devices stand out from the other coloured laptops in the market. Think a slick, transparent finish depth that gives the impression that a glass of full water is about to be poured off the edge. The result? A striking, classy-looking laptop that will definitely get some affirmative you-go-girl attention.

Colours that Come Alive

While Sony VAIO Series products have always been known for their offerings of gorgeous colours, the VAIO E Series offers a vibrant range of three new colours: White, Black and Pink.

Round Or Square?

It’s not just the shiny colours that make the VAIO E Series notebook so enchanting. There is also the subtly patterned dot or square graduations that lend an air of sophistication and psychedelic fun to the device’s appearance. A little bit of texture is always welcome!

Stylish Ergonomics

The VAIO E Series notebook doesn’t just look good on the outside, its packed with some pretty good-looking functional features as well such as an edge-to-edge isolated keyboard with a built-in numeric pad and a palm rest which is seamlessly integrated with its touchpad, all of which giving the impression that one is using a larger computer in a much smaller outfit.

Beautiful Inside Too

There are many other alluring points about the VAIO E Series notebook that makes it a keeper. For one, it is powered by the Intel® Core™ i3 Processor, part of Intel’s new family of processors, which puts smart performance well within your reach. It delivers solid performance for everyday applications, with the ability to boost speed as needed for demanding tasks. Your Sony VAIO E Series also comes with a whole range of HD Entertainment features such as Blu-Ray, Sony Media Gallery, PMB VAIO Edition and Dolby Home Theater to keep you glued to your notebook for hours!
 

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Writing is not just for the “arty”, it is also a great way to develop self-awareness and appreciation for the life you have and the world around you. Singaporean novelist Suchen Christine Lim, winner of the first Singapore Literature Prize in 1992 with her book, Fistful of Colours, shares her insights into the healing power of writing with Nanz Inc readers. She is also a tutor with the Arvon Foundation , an organization in the United Kingdom that runs residential creative writing courses.

By: Melanie Lee

How has writing changed your life?
Writing has engaged my intellect and empathy, and taught me to see life from the perspectives of others. It has opened many doors to me. Because I wrote 10 children’s Big Books for the Ministry of Education, I had had wonderful encounters with children in school. And because I wrote novels, I was invited to take up writing residencies in Scotland, the US, Western Australia and most recently in South Korea. I’ve had many wonderful opportunities to read my work, discuss and teach writing, live a writer’s life for a few months in a foreign land and re-invent myself. All of these experiences were rejuvenating.

As someone who sometimes teaches creative writing, how do you think this craft has changed your students’ lives?
One winter, when I was writer-in-residence in Iowa City, in midwest America, I was invited to conduct a writing class at a centre for senior citizens. There were eight women and two men in their 70s. All of them declared that they had never written before. One woman in a pink gym outfit even said, “Suchen, don’t mind me if I fall asleep.” She was a farmer’s wife. Among them were a nurse, a gardener, housewives and farmers.

When they started writing in earnest, they found that they could tap into their memories and recalled experiences they thought they had forgotten. The woman in the pink gym outfit did not fall asleep. She wrote a story of her wedding night and difficult life on an Iowa farm in winter in the 1920s, and the group voted it as the best story. This made her so happy that she said she would copy out the story on handmade paper and make it into a book and give it to her granddaughter on her wedding day. Her writing had created such a beautiful gift that would link grandmother and granddaughter forever.

Writing unlocks memories and forgotten experiences so that the mature
adult, through the process of writing. can heal the wounded child in the
past, and reshape the story of his or her life.

Why is writing important for the busy women?
Writing is like spending quiet time with yourself. It is the act of closing the door upon the world or your noisy family. Just for a while, you enter an interior space where you are safe, a place where you can calm yourself down if you are angry or flustered. And you need not stay in this space for very long. Just 10-15 minutes every day or every other day. It is a treat.

Writing “for fun” seems hard for a lot of people. What are some ways one can get started on writing?
Writing does not mean having to write pages. Just write 1 -3 sentences or phrases into a book. For a start – jot down 3-5 things that you feel are blessings for that day. For example: “Last night, my baby slept through the night and I had 6 hours of sleep.” Or “I have 3 friends I can safely confide in.”

Other people like write 2- 3 lines about their feelings or observations or
simply make a record of what happened that day. “Joan brought chicken
stew for me so I don’t have to cook this evening. Yay!”

Don’t sniff at the smallness of the experience or the short sentence. As the saying goes, “Little drops of water, little grains of sand; build a mighty ocean and a pleasant land.” The accumulation of your sentences over 3-6 months will give you a collection of things you might have forgotten, and a picture of your feelings. Personal writing is therapy without having to pay a bomb for it.

Suchen Christine Lim’s latest work, The Lies That Build a Marriage: Stories Of The Unsung, Unsaid & Uncelebrated In Singapore can be found in major bookstores or be purchased online at Monsoon Books

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Many Singaporean families rely on domestic helpers to care for the elderly and young, as well as handling the housekeeping chores. As an employer of a foreign domestic worker, are you doing your part to ensure a pleasant working relationship with her and helping her adjust to her work life and environment? NanzInc explores how to be a better boss.

By Lianne Ong

In Singapore, there are about 170,000 foreign domestic workers, or domestic helpers, and these numbers have steadily risen year on year. That amounts to one domestic worker in every six households. These domestic workers originate from the Philippines, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, India, Myanmar and Bangladesh, and form a significant portion of the community of migrant workers here.

If you read the dailies, you could be forgiven for thinking that Singaporeans are notorious maid-abusers (not true — FDW complaints have dropped sharply in the past two years, though of course, there will always be the bad example), or that maids could snap anytime and kill your baby/mother/wife (also not true — such cases are extremely rare, which is why they make the news).

If you’re a soon-to-be or first time employer of domestic helpers, here are a few tips on how to start off on the right foot, and how to keep the relationship with your helper a harmonious one. As with any working relationship, if your domestic helper is happy, she is likely to perform better and work towards a longer term of employment. Any relationship is bound to encounter some bumps along the way, but if you make the effort from the beginning, it will go a long way.

Put yourself in her shoes
Not only will there be a new person living in your home, she will be from a different cultural background. Be patient with her, and allow her time to ease into her new environment and be mindful that she may be homesick. In the first few weeks, remember that she will probably have an ‘information overload’, so pace your briefings and instructions to her.

Make sure she gets enough rest
According to Transient Workers Count Too (TCW2), a society committed to creating greater consideration for migrant workers, the most common complaints by domestic workers to their helpline are about being overworked, having no time off and long working hours. Ensure that your domestic helper gets enough sleep each day and be reasonable about the workload she has. Agree mutually beforehand, preferably in a contract, the number of rest days she is to have each month. For more information that will address concerns you may have about giving your domestic helper a day off, visit www.dayoff.sg, a campaign website set up jointly by TCW2, Humanitarian Organisation for Migration Economics (H.O.M.E) and UNIFEM.

Be sensitive to her feelings
Don’t deliberately belittle your domestic helper by criticising her in front of your friends. If you need to vent, do it in private, and if you do have unresolved issues with her, address them directly. Give feedback in a constructive and kind manner.

Prepare the kids
If this is the first time you are employing a domestic worker, explain to your kids what it will be like to have a non-family member living under the same roof. If your kids have been doing a small part of the household chores, for example, bringing the dirty dishes to the kitchen, or keeping their own toys, and this is something you intend for them to continue, explain that this will not change. And lastly, set a good example for them – treat your domestic helper with respect and dignity, and the kids will follow suit. Kids can sense nuances in your behaviour even if they can’t articulate them, so watch your tone of voice and actions when you give instructions or correct to your helper.

For more reading material for employers of domestic helpers, the Ministry of Manpower has published guidebooks which can downloaded here.

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Taking a roadtrip with friends while on a holiday is an adventurous and exciting concept – windows down, wind in your hair, discovering new, unexpected terrain in your own terms. However, roadtrips can also severely test a friendship – arguments about directions and what music to play are just the beginning. How do you ensure that your relationships make it though to the end of the journey?

By: Sharlene Tan

It’s been said that you don’t really know someone until you travel with them. So before you hop into the cramped confines of a car with your BFFs, here are some tips that might help your friendship last the miles:

Divvy up the driving
Before you set off, work out how much driving each person is willing to do. Some might be comfortable driving the whole day, while others would prefer to drive two or three hours before switching drivers. Make sure each driver is comfortable with the amount of time allotted to them as well as the road conditions.

Don’t hog the music
First of all, don’t rely too much on the radio. Radio reception might not be good in certain areas, especially if you’ll be out in the countryside. Plus what if the only channel available plays death metal all day, all the time? Have everyone bring along a good mix of CDs or, if your car offers an auxiliary port, load up an MP3 player. Audio books can offer a nice change from the music. For instance, Neil Gaiman reads his own books such as Coraline and The Graveyard Book, which would be entertaining for roadtrippers of all ages, as would the Harry Potter audiobooks read by comedian Stephen Fry. Next, set the rule that the driver controls the music, with each passenger allowed one or two vetoes. (Ed’s Note: I personally rip all Mr Brown’s podcasts on my iPod or a CD and play that over and over on road trips. His jokes always make me hungry though.)

Take plenty of breaks
Driving can be taxing, especially when you’re in a foreign country. And it’s not easy for the passengers either, as being cramped up in the backseat can be quite a pain. So even if no one needs a toilet break, it’s a good idea to stop and stretch the legs and get some fresh air once in a while.

GPS it!
Say goodbye to maps and their inability to fold the way you’d like them to. The GPS unit is the modern roadtripper’s way to go, no matter how convinced you might be of your own navigational skills. A good GPS unit will not only lead you to your destination in the most efficient way, it will also ensure that arguments about directions will be kept to a minimum.

Don’t stick only to the straight and narrow
Roadtrips don’t always go as planned. So take it easy, enjoy yourself and the company of your friends and loved ones. Don’t get too anal about your roadtrip, for there will be traffic jams, unexpected pit stops and hiccups of all kinds. Once in a while, take a long look out the window and marvel at the scenery that you’re passing by.

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