Naptime is My Time

My Thoughts on an Interview with Elsa, a Norwegian Mother

2014-08-22T11:14:00.001-07:00

I'm an advice column addict. My favorite advice columnist used to work as Dear Prudence, but retired from that gig and started advising under her real name, Margo Howard. Her replacement Prudie posts at Slate.com. I like her and I often find interesting articles linked in the sidebar. Today, I read this What It’s Like for a Working Mom in Oslo, Norway.

Elsa talks about various issues, but the one that really caught my attention has to do with Norway's "right to daycare". Apparently, there is a September 1 birth cutoff, much like school in America. So her son, born in October, had to wait until he was almost 2 to be accepted into childcare! This is shocking to me, since American daycares accept year-round. She even stated that "[i]f couples are young and they haven’t succeeded getting pregnant “in time,” some will often wait until next year to try again." I really don't like the idea of having to artificially time my pregnancy for the sake of childcare!

Because of this deadline, hospitals experience a boom in deliveries as the cutoff date looms. I have a personal sensitivity to booms in labor and delivery because my son is a July baby. For some reason, in the Fort Hood area, Army wives tend to have summer babies. I went past my due date and my son was estimated at being a very large baby. My midwife promised that she would not let me go more than a week past my due date, for fear of complications and possible C-section. However, I could not get in be induced because the beds were constantly full. I went into labor on my own, 10 days late, but couldn't have the birth experience I wanted, because the one room with the tub was already in use. I was, instead, confined to a bed with debilitating back labor. My nursing staff, though wonderful people, would not let me move around to ease the pain naturally and I ended up having to choose the epidural as my labor lasted 26 hours. I pushed for 3 and a half hours before my son arrived, with vacuum assistance because he got stuck and went into distress. I very nearly had to have an emergency c-section. I'm not saying all of that would have been avoided if I'd been due in a non-boom period, but my midwife, nurses, and OB were all very busy during that time and I feel that I could have at least tried for a drug-free labor if they hadn't been concerned with getting the babies born and the families shifted to the recovery side of the hospital. And don't get me started on the recovery side! Every room was full and because of my "maternal exhaustion", I had to stay in a very cramped, noisy, uncomfortable room for 3 days!

She also mentions that the deadline to apply for childcare is March 1. Every year. If you have to move, you lose your right to a spot. I'm sure that means you go on a waiting list, but this is just one more heartache when moving. From my military wife standpoint, this would be very stressful, since March 1 is nowhere near PCS season (usually summer), although since most, if not all, US military bases have their own childcare centers to enroll it, that might make it somewhat easier. However, I've moved quite a bit while not a military dependent and I would find such an artificial constraint on my life very frustrating. When you factor in other reasons you may need to find a new childcare location (job relocation, for example), it seems like a system that is designed to work against parents.

I admit that I am in favor of childcare being at a parent's workplace. I have enjoyed catching up on Bones and I couldn't believe the title character, Bones, could be so blindly arrogant as to jeopardize such an amazing opportunity in regards to childcare. She didn't have to take a break to pump and then find somewhere to store the milk for later. She had the luxury of strolling down to the in-museum childcare and nurse her child in a comfortable setting with her own precious baby, not some uncomfortable pump. (Full disclosure: I had to pump exclusively for 6 months, in the hopes my son's GI disorder was due to immature bowels and he would be able to go off the formula and back onto my milk. He wasn't able to go back to my milk, so I gave up pumping. I was not able to find a donation facility, or I would have kept pumping. Also, pumping did not provide the "magical weight loss" touted by many breastfeeding advocates.) Yet she wasted this rare blessing because she has to believe she's the only one who knows anything. (Another full disclosure: I watch the show for everyone BUT Bones. She's annoying!)

Another issue Else brought up was nannying vs childcare. "[P]arents are very skeptical about nannies. We feel that day care centers are the safest places for kids. Nannies are also much more expensive than day care. (Prices vary from $650 to $1,300 per week. If the child is 12 months to 23 months, you’ll get support from the government: $976 per month when the child is 12 months to 18 months and $490 per month when the child is 18 months to 23 months.) And there are often waiting lists to get one." I wish I could see these daycare centers. I worked in one while in college. While I thought highly of the place I worked, I can't say that the kids were safer with 1 adult to X amount of kids (varies by their age). When I nannied, I had 1 infant/toddler for most of the day. Sure, she got into bumps and bruises, but I was always there, paying full attention to her well-being. Sometimes, I'd have her sister, who was a pre-teen and needed much less "boo-boo" supervision. As a stay-at-home mom, my very adventurous child has gotten into dangerous situations (he currently loves to climb up on the couch and then sit on the very edge with his back facing out, or climb up on the coffee table), but I've been there to stop anything awful from happening. If he were in a childcare, he would be climbing all kinds of things! Oh, the things he could climb. And I'm certain he would fall the moment another child distracted his caregiver. It's simply not feasible to expect a childcare teacher to keep his or her eyes on just one baby/toddler all the time. Naturally, this kind of personal attention costs more.

The government support is impressive to me. For many families that I know, one parent stays home because the cost of childcare would eat up whatever he or she earned. For many military spouses, we don't get to build careers. We stay in one place for 1 to 3 years and then move on. Many times, we can't get into the positions we are trained for because there is an over-saturation of the market. Teaching is an excellent example of over-saturation, although as long as you go somewhere that has a DoDEA school with openings, you can succeed in keeping your employment track (mostly) unbroken -- once you get in at least. Don't be fooled by the claim "spouses get priority".

Though I could talk about each point, and I love the fact that the childcares provide excursions and a focus on play, I think the concluding quote saddened me, "The entire society has an attitude that both parents should be working. That means that the workplace has to be flexible toward parents with young children. It is very rare that mothers choose to be stay-at-home moms, and many who do feel that they are looked down on. In Oslo, I've never met a stay-at-home mom." Stay-at-home moms ARE working. We shouldn't be looked down on in any culture. Not that working moms should be looked down on, either.

As a stay-at-home mom, I'm on from whenever Fergus wakes up to whenever he goes to bed. At some point throughout the day, I have to fit in all the chores and tasks that are my responsibility. I have to find time for bonding with Brad, even though I will only see him for about 2 hours of the day, most of which is spent on dinner with the baby (not a great bonding time for adults), bathtime and bedtime rituals, and packing for the next day at work. Basically, we slump on the couch and watch about an hour to TV together before he goes to bed. I then tackle the kitchen and baby playspace (we have an open concept house, so toys go everywhere), work on the never-ending pile of clean laundry to be sorted and folded or hung, while watching a little TV and maybe get an hour to work on a pen pal letter or add a few stitches to my cross-stitch. If I was working outside the home, I'd have even less of the me time I need to stay a sane and happy parent. I'd be counting on other people to enrich and protect my child's life. On the paltry wages most childcare workers are paid, it's the rare few that go above and beyond sitting on their bums and watching the kids interact without them. What a heaven these Oslo childcare centers must be.

So Much To Do

2014-08-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

My brother got married last weekend. It was a destination wedding in the absolutely beautiful city of Guanajuato in Mexico. We didn't get to stay long, only 2 nights. But the shambles of my house would make you think I was gone for much, much longer.

Packing with a baby is ridiculous. You have to make sure you have enough diapers, wipes, prescription formula (because of my son's GI disorder), clothes, toys, books, and more. Then there was the recovery time that my husband and I needed because we aren't as young as we used to be.

So, anyway, I spent a few minutes jotting down my To Do List for the next few days. My husband has invited a few guys over for Saturday, and I feel like Thursday has really just snuck up on me. Here's a pic of my exciting list:

[Here's a good chance for me to discuss something, by the way. My husband is very protective of his privacy and I support that for him. I also respect my son's right to privacy. So while I use my own name for this blog, and may even have pictures of myself on here, I am going to use pseudonyms for them. I'll call my husband Brad, because I think it's a fun name to say, and my son Fergus, because my husband really pushed for that to be his real name. (I protested. Sorry to all the Ferguses of the world.)]

However, this list has been set aside for the moment. While my dishwasher and washing machine are hard at work and Fergus is asleep in his crib, I'm going to indulge in the only real "me" time that I get all day. I'm going to lounge on the couch and finally eat lunch while watching a few episodes of the #EverySimpsonsEver marathon. I know I haven't seen all 552 and it's a better choice than watching the Eleventh Doctor's episodes that are currently running on the #DoctorWhoTakeover marathon on BBC America.

Oh, by the way, yes, my son sleeps through the night, so I don't need to spend his naptimes sleeping. It's very tempting, though. ;)

Hello!

2014-08-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Naptime is My Time.

I am a stay at home mom of one and a US Army wife. I've started this blog as a place to share my life and my musings. I hope that I can offer something to my readers with each post.

My husband and I have been married for just under 5 years and we have a 1 year old son. We arrived in the Fort Hood area almost 2 years ago after spending 3 years in Asia. I am a Texas certified EC-6 educator, but I do not currently work in the school system. I have a variety of reasons for this, but my primary reason is that I believe, from personal experience and professional development, that my son will benefit a great deal from spending his early years at home with his mother. I have the luxury of being able to live my beliefs, at least at this point in time.

Before I met my husband, I worked as a nanny. It was a richly rewarding time, but it also unintentionally shaped my expectations of motherhood in an unrealistic way. When the Great Recession began, the trickle down of layoffs meant that I wasn't needed anymore, so I followed my dream of working on the JET Programme. I was accepted and spent two wonderful years teaching EFL in 5 Japanese public schools. After that, I joined my husband in Korea and worked as a substitute teacher in a DoDEA school. It was an exciting time that I often look back at fondly, especially when things aren't going right here.

I've recently been diagnosed with two very irritating chronic illnesses: Thoracic Outlet Syndrome and Raynaud's Disease. I'm conflicted as to which one is actually original issue and which one is secondary. They both feed into each other. I spent the better part of my son's first year of life trying to figure out why I was in constant pain and too weak to hold him. I'll explore that in a post, because I've become rather an ambassador for TOS.

I have so many crazy dreams. I used to act when I was a child and I still have a bit of the bug. I'd absolutely love to on Doctor Who, preferably as a recurring character. I'd like to volunteer to help with installing Roundabout Play Pumps in locations where children spend most of their day collecting water instead of being able to go to school. I'd like to write children's stories and fantasy novels. I love photography and travel and would like to be able to spend my retirement indulging both of those hobbies. I enjoy cross-stitching, pen palling and puzzles of almost all kinds. I would like to continue gaining mastery in Japanese, perhaps even returning to Japan to work, after my husband retires.

Thanks for reading!

~Jennie