Nappy Headed Pro

AQUILOGY is dead

2010-07-29T21:21:00.000+02:00

Blogger has been using me as a punching bag for years! I've decided to punch back, albeit in limp-wristed fashion, I've moved. Catch Nappy Headed Pro at my new address: aquilogy.wordpress.com.

See you there!

Two random thoughts

2010-07-17T16:57:00.000+02:00

- Ever been penalized for being good? Well, that’s what I feel is happening to me. I don’t want to complain about work the way I did when I was still picking cotton at the Plant(ation), so this will the first and the last time my part-time gig is mention on this here parts. I’m a fast worker, I usually finish tasks about two hours before knock-off time, this is the time where I do personal stuff i.e sending out my CV and shit. My boss’ cubicle is diagonal from mine and my boss’ boss’ office is right behind me, so he has a full view of everything I do and my boss’ boss’ boss likes to pop up unannounced just to check what the “little people” are doing. All these three mad hatters hold a stupid belief that if you’re done with your tasks for the day, you should help those who haven’t finished with theirs, “because we are all a team”, pfft. Now every time one of them catches me anything unrelated to what I’m paid to do, they get all anal on me. What’s the point of working fast if you’re going to get penalized with more work for it?

- Now that I don’t drink anymore, I decided to use the money that I would have used to buy booze, to purchase a book. This Saturday I bought had a choice of buying Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers or his new joint, what the dog saw, I ended up buying what the dog saw even though it costs twice as much. I regretted the decision when I got home and found out that I could have manually downloaded the .pdf’s for free at his website and saved myself R300. Epic fail.

The madness continues........

2010-07-08T11:22:00.000+02:00

Atmosphere’s 2008 Album, “When life gives you lemons, you paint that shit gold” has got to be one of my all time favourite album title. You might remember how life threw lemons at me about two months ago when I wanted to deposit the first cheque I made from blogging and my bank told me to take my cheque and shove it up my behind. I then convinced my advertisers to deposit the money in my paypal account, opened an FNB account (It’s the only bank in S Africa that offers paypal) but the it turned out that FNB paypal is more useless than a serial rapist suffering from erectile dysfunction. Being my usual panicky self, I worried that paypal might send the money back to my advertisers ‘cause legally according to the reserves echange controls, you have 30 days to withdraw your money from paypal to a South African bank account, in this case FNB. My money wasn’t sent back, it stayed in my paypal account like a hostage, and I didn’t have the means to free it because only verified paypal accounts can be linked to an FNB account and the only way to verify a paypal account is via a credit card or a cheque card (Regardless of what FNB’s website says, those bitches be lying y’all!).

Anyhoo, to cut a long story short, I decided to put some of that money to good use, instead of just leaving it lying in my paypal account, I payed to self-host another blog of mine. Ladies and gents, I would like to take this moment to introduce you all to my new blog: AQUILOGYdotCOM! It’s basically, the old PoliTrick or Treat minus the controversy ‘cause frankly, I’m too young to be arguing with grown ass men on the internet. Please go check it out and provide feedback.

Thanks!

Jobless in Johannesburg V: Same window different visual

2010-07-01T15:45:00.000+02:00

I must either have an admirable, never say die attitude or a detestable, sick desire for self-abuse ‘cause an average person would have just admitted defeat, closed the chapter and moved the fudge on but no, not me. Last year at around this time, I frantically applied for as many graduate development programmes as I could find, thinking back and looking at the numbers, that exercise proved to be one epic fail. Out of the numerous programmes I applied for only four replied and out of that four, Two rejected my application via e-mail (which was something I really appreciated BTW), One called me when I was taking a dump and had the audacity to conduct a telephonic interview there and then, the last one hurt me the most ‘cause after going through their rigorous pre-screening recruitment process and finally being selected to attend their final interview and assessment where I had to sacrifice submitting my final Design III project so I could be able to fly all the way to Port Elizabeth to attend the said interview, they didn’t even bother to tell me that I was selected as their graduate trainee for 2010 (bloody bastards!)

Here I am again, completing online applications, sending CV an academic transcript to the same suits who figuratively told me to go eat a fat d*** last year. I’m must really have a thing for rejection. My heart told me to say eff it, why bother with these goonheads anyway but my mind quickly reminded me that beggars can’t be choosers, even though I still have unjustified feelings of resentment towards these multinationals, I’m still unemployment and in this economic climate I better apply to as many companies as I can if I want to get a J-O-B anytime soon.

Looking back, thinking forward: 2010.5 in review

2010-06-24T08:22:00.000+02:00

Half a year is gone, and the pessimist in me is tempted to think that this has been another shitty semi-year in my shitty life but it wasn’t. This year has been many things thus far, but shitty isn’t one of them. I’m struggling to find the right words to describe the last six months, mainly ‘cause I’m confused as to what kind of year it was. On the one hand, I thoroughly enjoyed the freedom unemployment gave, the freedom to wake up past midday and spend the rest of the day in my boxers drinking beer and channel surfing without any care in the world. On the other hand, being broke really sucked ass, there’s nothing more emasculating than asking your folks for pocket money at my age or having other men pay for your alcohol at clubs but since being broke is a temporary condition, I have nothing to complain about, I’m just thankful that I had a roof over my head and food in my tummy.

I’ve never was a “goal-oriented” person, I’ve always been the go with the flow type, from reading this blog, it’s clear that the flow didn’t lead me to where I want to be, so I drafted a year plan some time in the beginning of the year. I’m glad to say I’ve achieved, most of the goals I’ve set out for myself, which isn’t saying much seeing that I’ve set the bar so low that not achieving most of my goals would have been quite an embarrassment lol. At any rate, In the second half of 2010, I’ll be working the only goal that I failed to achieve, which is getting a job at an energy engineering or bulk material handling company. I’m working on revising my job hunting strategy since whatever it is I have been doing the last six months hasn’t been working the way the manual paints it, hopefully I’ll be starting my career somewhere exciting before the year concludes.

I have no high hopes for the second half of this year, no expectations, no wishes, nothing. I’m just going to sit back and see how everything turns out. It’s going to be busier than the first half, I’m a groomsman in two weddings and provided I save enough cash, I’m planning on taking a back-packing trip to a neighbouring country at the end of the year and there are a few interesting things that I’ll be watching unfold *evil smile*. One thing’s for sure, I’ll be keeping my anger and frustration in check the second half of this year, I have not been the most pleasant person to be around lately so I’ll be working in fixing a few of my personality glitches. Half a year is gone, here’s to enjoying the remaining half, whatever it has got in store for us.

The voice of (t)reason

2010-06-23T08:13:00.000+02:00

I got cussed out last night on twitter when I reminded everyone that, even though Bafana won against France (which doesn’t mean anything considering that France was everybody’s bitch this tournament), they still lost in the grand scheme of things because, they now hold the dubious title of being the only host nation to crash out of the Soccer world cup. There’s something about patriotism that makes people see things that aren’t there, everybody was on some “well done Bafana” tip last night and it was disgusting, I found the whole thing a little condescending, like we didn’t believe that Bafana had what it takes to make it through to the next round, therefore we are happy that they didn’t get molested like Nigeria in the group stages. When exactly did we start celebrating mediocrity?

I personally believe that, had Bafana played like they did yesterday afternoon, we would have qualified at the top of our group. Unlike the rest of the twitterati, who got “well done bafana” to become a trending, I’m not proud of Bafana, they were pathetic, I wasn’t even impressed that they beat a team that was in total disarray. They embarrassed themselves and 48 million people who were behind them, I hope they pick their socks and make sure they perfom well in the next two African cup of nations and the next world cup in Brazil in 2014.

I went to a fan park and all I got was laryngitis

2010-06-14T11:03:00.000+02:00

Friday was the opening match, South Africa was playing against Mexico and blah blah blah, I went to watch the match at a fan park and here are a few thoughts

People have ran out of things to steal: We arrived late at Elkah fan park in Soweto, there was nowhere to park, so my friend ended up parking his car three blocks away from the entrance. To cut a long story short, after the match, when we got back to his car, his mirror sockies were stolen. Who the fuck steals those hideous things? (No offense to those who have them)
Coca Cola and Castle larger are about to make a killing: Since it's a fan park and only FIFA affiliated product are sold at the venue, that is, Castle larger for drinkers and Coca cola for the newly converted teetotalers such as myself. Beer is R15 per cup and Coke is R12 (?), with everybody in a spending mood 'cause their teams are playing, coke and SAB are about to make a killing.
Ghetto people, WTF?!?: I hate speaking ill of ghetto people 'cause, if I weren't so uncool I'd be one of them seeing that I grew up and still in the ghetto, but damn, what the fudge was up with all those several teenage mothers that brought that infants to a motherfudging fan park, it's winter and Jo'burg winter is harsh fan park is loud and even louder 'cause of the vuvuzelas, it is no place to bring a kid. Couldn't these hoodrats just leave their kids with their grannies like they usually do?
I'll never know how to blow a vuvuzela: The first time I tried blow a vuvuzela was during the telkom charity spectacular way back in '04. I couldn't do it then and I can't do it now, my friend's little brother tried to teach me how to on Friday and he gave p. I'm a lost cause.
Just because you don't like something, doesn't mean it should be banned: Speaking of vuvuzelas, you might've heard that, once again, there's a campaign to get the thing banned. I think that's stupid, I'm not a big fan of the vuvuzela but i don't think my not liking the thing should stop a person liking it from blowing it. Hell, I live in Soweto, nowadays you can hear the sound of the vuvuzela all the time, if I can withstand some soccer fan blowing a vuvuzela all night long while I'm trying to sleep all these other punks can at least tolerate it for ninety minutes!

It is here

2010-06-11T07:44:00.000+02:00

In less than five hours the world's biggest sporting event, the soccer world cup, begins. It's an unofficial holiday, everybody has either taken a day off or just decided to not come to work, there's only people at the office today, the workaholic and me, the unfortunate temp who has to process eighty applications (le sigh). I'm going to miss the opening ceremony but there's no way in hell I'm missing the opening match, even if it means leaving three hours early, it's not like anybody is going to see me ditching work for some soccer.

This is the moment we've been waiting for ever since the now cliché moment where Sepp Blatter announced that our country will host the event, making Nelson Mandela cry in process. Even if you don't quite agree with the FIFA take over of our country, the fact that it cost a GDP of a country to organize, the money that could've been used to alleviate poverty etc. For thirty days, just enjoy the atmosphere, the soccer and the people, I know I'll. Who knows, maybe a brother can get lucky and score a rich British sugar mama, in the mood for some black fun, miscegenation FTW! I kid I kid.

Here's to a successful tournament!

Giving up the bottle

2010-06-08T07:46:00.000+02:00

My relationship with alcohol has always been a little complicated. I drank my first bottle when I was twelve or thirteen I can't quite remember, all I remember is that it was new year’s eve and all the adults having too much of a good time to notice my cousins and I stealing bottles of espirit spirit coolers from the refrigerator. It wasn’t until two to three years later when I was doing grade 10 that I got to the much sought after state of altered consciousness . My classmates and I smuggled cheap white to school, luckily for us, it was during the ’02 soccer world cup and all the teachers were locked in the staff room watching Brazil play. After then I went on a two and a half year long spell of self-destruction. Every Monday, I would Smuggle brandy to school and was drunk two to three days of the week. I became know as the class drunkard.

2005, after I blacked-out at a party thirty minutes away from home and woke up in my bed not knowing how I got there, I realized what a dangerous game I was playing. I reduced my alcohol consumption tremendously and made a resolve to learn to control my alcohol. Besides a handful of incidents I haven’t got to a point were I’m stone drunk, which is a tremendous achievement considering my drinking habits.

The Human body is a marvelous machine, it adepts to whatever crap with put it through. Because of my prolonged use of alcohol, I grew resistant of alcohol. I consumed amounts that could lead a normal body into shock but my mind, pulling tricks on me, made me believe that because I could still retain most of my motor functions, that I had my drinking under control. I hadn’t and I only realized that this weekend. Due to lack of finances and other factors, I haven’t had as much opportunity to get my drink on. The last I had an intoxicant was about six weeks ago, and I guess in the interim, my body went back to “normal-mode” and shed it’s remarkable ability to resist large volumes of alcohol.

As I’ve mentioned yesterday, the crew and I went to see Big Nuz live at some shady club. I consumed substantially less than the amount I usually do but since my body had gotten back to Normal, the alcohol hit me hard. I cannot recall most of the things that happened and the things that I do recall, I wish I could forget. I woke up the following afternoon feeling like, room smelling like something hideous died in there. An unpleasant sight of vomit on the floor catching my eye. I had ten missed calls, the text messages were all informing me of the things I got up to in my state of intoxication, all of them (including the calls I received thereafter) seemed to be bigging me up on my performance and none of them were scolding me for being drunk. I didn’t want to experience that again, my relationship with alcohol ended at that moment.

Giving up alcohol isn’t going to be the hard part, alcohol hasn’t been that appealing to me ever since the excitement of indulging in illegal activity (drinking underage) wore off, believe it or not. Plus, this year, with all of the shit that’s been going on, getting my drink on has been pushed to the back of my mind. I can honestly say that I’ve consumed the least amount of it this year than any other year since my first drunken experience back in ’02. The hard part would be staying alcohol free when everybody I know drinks, with all the weddings I’m supposed to be a groomsman to and all the bachelor parties planned, staying alcohol free is going to be a challenge but I’m confident I can do it. If I can manage to stay a year working for ass-wipes, with most of my sanity intact, then this can’t be that hard.

Everything's changed

2010-06-08T07:45:00.000+02:00

What happens when the people you’ve grown to love change beyond recognition? Or when the things you used to enjoy together no longer appeal to you? Do you keep on spending time with them even though you their company but the activity doesn’t appeal to you? Do you reluctantly agree to go to the events they invite you to, even if you don’t want to, but you feel like you have to because they are the only group of people who understand you to a certain degree? That’s the type of questions I ask myself a lot lately.

The beer loving crew, they were there when my tamper proof titanium cranium imploded, leaving me with a tinge eccentricity. They were the few people that got me, I have love for them and I will always treasure the wonderful memories we have of the last half decade. We used to have a beautiful friendship, when did we descend into being just drinking buddies? I have trouble recalling any moment we just hung out, without it being used as an excuse to consume alcohol. I know one of you will probably read this and make a big deal out of it like they did with one of my facebook albums but just try to understand that I’m just thinking out loud in this here parts. There are things that happened recently that makes me question where my life is heading and partying up isn’t as appealing to me as it was back then and since that the only time that we spend time together is at some sort of a party, I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep as much contact as I used to.

I went to see Big Nuz live and all I got was a hang over

2010-06-07T11:48:00.000+02:00

Against my better judgement, I decided to agree to going with the beer loving crew to the ghettoesque club (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m just saying) Panyaza, otherwise known as Club 707 in Central, Soweto. Don’t get me wrong, I think Panyaza is a cool place, the atmosphere is electric, there’s a shisanyama (Barbeque grill) in the vicinity were you can satisfy your beer induced craving for dead animal carcass with a nicely grilled T-bone steak. I’ve already stated before that I’m not a fan of clubs because of the overcrowding, expensive alcohol and incessant dry humping on the dance floor, I had a feeling that they’ll be tons of that ‘cause South African Music Awards album of the year winner, Big Nuz were performing. I like Big Nuz, as a matter of fact, the Durban high-tempo form of Kwaito is the only Kwaito I’m able to tolerate, mainly because they don’t take themselves too seriously, they know they can’t really come up with witty lyrics so they stick to catchy five line verses, bouncy beat and scantily clad UKZN students on their videos who probably didn’t get paid to shake their gluteus maximus on screen (I’m looking at you, Nomfundo).

Anyway, we arrived there at about eleven and the place was crowded, you couldn’t move without accidentally rubbing your pelvis on someone else’s buttocks, literally. Big Nuz hadn’t gotten to perform just yet, some other DJ who lacked the skills to properly mix tracks was on the decks. I interacted with the people around and everybody was cool but then again, I was already six beers in when I got there. Then the main act got on stage, I couldn’t see anything really ( because the stage was set too low) so I can’t comment on their stage presence plus I had to carry someone on my shoulder so that they could se the show, for almost an hour and a half. The sound quality was terrible, I couldn’t hear anything they were saying, but then again, years of playing my earsets at maximum volume + damage in my right ear due to not wearing protective earplugs when I was slaving at the plant(ation) + about ten beers = you not really trusting my opinion on the matter but still the sound quality was terrible. They finished their set and then the DJ who couldn’t mix tracks well came on again, DJ Tira and Big Nuz didn’t leave, they stayed dry humping chicks on stage ‘til the club closed at about three AM. It wasn’t a good show, I wan’t my money back!

Jobless in Johannesburg IV: Part time hustle

2010-06-01T07:33:00.000+02:00

The Good news is: I got a job about a week ago, The Bad news: It’s one of those clichéd gigs were a graduate has to take a minimum wage paying job just to pay his ~~bar-tab~~ bills and to get the guys from the National Student financial aid scheme to stay of his back. It’s a very hectic part-time position at a health insurance company, I’m basically part of a conspiracy to get people to pay their health insurance every month and when they finally get sick, find ways not to pay their hospital bills.

I honestly don’t know how to feel about this, I’m relieved that I will no longer be the guy who doesn’t contribute to the “poison bill” when me the crew goes out clubbing and I won’t have to ask my folks for pocket money as if I was an adolescent but on the other hand, I’m angry that things have gotten to a point where I have to get a job dealing with admin work. Another thing that made me feel bad is the fact that, out of the three possible candidates, I got the job even though the other two needed a break more than I do. We where on training the previous week, a guy who’s wife recently left him because he had been unemployed for more than a year and a woman, also in her thirties, who has two kids to support. I learned their data system quicker than the other two and as a results, I was selected for the part-time position. The thing that makes me feel bad is that I still have options, I’ll probably be out this bitch when an opportunity presents itself but those other two really needed the work, I don’t have anybody to support, they have and my student loan is the only financial obligation I have.

Unnecessary bad feelings aside, I’m still thankful that I have something to keep me busy during the day and some form of income.

Jobless in johannesburg III: Heartless bastards

2010-05-21T11:20:00.000+02:00

I won't even front by writing this in third person, what I'm about to say is something that really rubs me the wrong way about job hunting. I've been through many interviews the past three years, for internships, scholarships and actual jobs and one thing I will never understand is the total disregard of job seekers by recruiters. I might be wrong but aren't recruiters obligated to tell you if you've been successful or not once they call you for an interview, I remember hearing once that recruiters are required by law to notify each and every interviewee about the outcome of their interview and if the candidate is unsuccessful they have to state the reason why they weren't selected.

Out of the more than twelve interviews that I've been in, only four had the decency to call and tell me that I wasn't selected, two of those four were nice enough to tell me the reasons why and advised me on certain aspects I need to improve on. There's nothing more annoying than going to an interview and not be told the outcome of the interview, you wait, make sure that you phone battery is always fully charged so as to not miss their call but the turds don't even have the decency to pick up the phone and say that the interview wasn't successful. Back when I didn't have the attitude that I have towards recruiters, I used to personally call them and they would make up a story about how they haven't decided yet, they'll get back to me in a few days but predictably, they didn't call back. I honestly cannot think of a reason why they do this. Picking up a phone to inform someone that the interview wasn't successful can't be that difficult.

The king of flu?

2010-05-14T12:15:00.000+02:00

Not a title to be proud of but it's true. I think I should consider adding my name to the Guinness book of records for having most bouts of influenza than anybody on the planet. The last three years, during the months between April and November, I've caught some sort of flu virus every three weeks. Back before my immunity became useless to a flu virus onslaught I didn't blow my nose in public, I would only do the polite "wipe my nose quickly while nobody's watching" thingy but now that I'm snort-nosed every other week, I blow my nose as loudly as I can when the need arises, and I feel no remorse about grossing people out whatsoever.

I don't mind getting sick at all, it's one of those things that remind me that I'm human but this year, I was hoping that my immune system would stop slacking off. I was planning on finally losing the bulk of the thirty kilogram fat I'd accumulated these past few years, when I'm sick, I lose all my appetite but as soon as I get well again, I eat everything trans-fat laden food item in sight. Clearly that isn't helping in my on going battle against my every expanding waistline.

I went to the Oz club and I didn't even get a lousy t-shirt

2010-05-11T15:41:00.000+02:00

One of My best friends, Forge, returned ~~home from exile~~ home after spending a year and three months doing a graduate development program at Bloemfontein, actually he was transfered back to Johannesburg against his will, he didn't want to let go of the novelty of being treated like a superstar Just because there's a GP in his car's number plates.

My Beer loving crew decided to throw a club tour this past Friday in honour of his return, I'm lying, I've known those d'bags since '04 and they couldn't give two farts if forge was returning home or not, they just wanted a reason to get their drink on.

I wasn't looking forward to it, I'm not really a club person. Regardless of what people tell you, the main reason people go to clubs is to pick up a partner to have drunken sex with, everybody's inhibitions are way down and all a guy has to do to pick up a chick is to show his car keys, all a girl has to do is dance and since I don't roll like that, the prospect of spending overpriced booze in a stuffy, loud and crowded room doesn't appeal to me at all, I'm a claustrophobic hermit.

At any rate, after downing a few beers for the road, we headed to a pub called "Disoufeng" in Dobsonville, we spent about twenty minutes there, we decided to ditch the place when it became apparent that the place is too uptight for us. We then drove to Soweto's only club worth a crap, the Oz pub better known as Ozone. When we got there cops were doing what they do best, harassing people for public drinking at an entrance of a bloody club. I was surprised that the bouncers didn't harass me, seeing that I was dressed like a Bum (With swag, natch), we were allowed entry hustle-free even though the dress code is supposed to be "Strictly Smart casual" roffle.

The club was still empty, seeing that it was still 10PM but it soon got packed to the rafters when the clock struck twelve. I noticed a camera crew, Selimathunzi's presenter and those two guys who are taking over SA's film industry, Rapulana Seiphemo and Kenneth (..... I seem to have forgotten his Surname), and I wondered what the hell was going on here? It turned out, some guys from a reality show I'm not familiar with, class act, were there. On the decks was DJ Dinno Bravo and some guy who did a mean house set later when the club was about to close down.

During the night, some guy from a website called Sowetolive dot com, asked to take a picture of us and it ended up being uploaded on the site, now a picture of me looking like a homeless person exists on the interwebs, for posterity. damn. All in all, we had a decent time, the only thing that pissed me off was the bouncer constantly harassing me asking me to take my beanie off, I've been locked up in my cabin, I haven't had time to take care of my looks and my hair looked like it could snuggle a few explosives at an airport in the United States. Thank goodness I was still wearing my beanie when that guy asked to take a picture of us. Phew!

[Aside: The event and the event's gallery (Where I stole the pics in this post) can be found at Sowetolive.com { For event summary click here, Gallery click here}]

Crusty old pair of Jeans

2010-05-05T13:55:00.000+02:00

This morning I woke up an hour late, grumpy as usual. I was supposed to meet up with a former class mate of mine at about 10 in the morning, it was already 8. Metrorail employees are supposed to be going on a strike next week, and previous experience tells me that whenever Metrorail workers are preparing for a strike, trains run on their own creative schedule i.e The bulk of the trains will get cancelled, I wanted to catch an earlier train in case they get up to their usual BS. I quickly took a shower and realized that almost all my pair of pants were either dirty or creased, I didn't have time for ironing and the only pair I had were the crusty old pair of jeans that I haven't tried on since 2008, when they no longer fit and putting them on were a danger to my testicular health and fertility. I decide to be brave and put them on and whad'ya know, the 20 minute cardio I've been doing three time a week is actually working, those crusty old pair of jeans fit. My mood went from grumpy to chirpy in a split second and it's been that way ever since. Funny how the most unexpected thing could brighten up my day.

I was made to feel broke today

2010-04-29T18:05:00.000+02:00

It is often said that some children who suffered from sexual abuse forget that the ordeal ever happened. Their brain conceals those painful memories deep inside their sub-conscious in order to protect them. Most live their whole lives without ever having recollection of the past abuse but for the unlucky few, something happens that brings back all those memories, disrupting their whole equilibrium in the process. I feel like that's what happened to me today (minus the tragedy).

Two weeks back I withdrew the last amount of cash I had in my bank account, because being broke has been the norm for most of my life, it didn't register to me that I was dead ass broke or as my one of my favourite rappers, MF Doom would say, broke that a broke dick dog. I pretended like everything's still okay, as if I wouldn't have to deal with the emasculating feelings caused by constantly having to ask mommy for some money or worse, asking friends who have managed to take control of their careers and are constantly telling the whole facebook world about how awesome their new jobs are while I'm still in my boxers in the middle of the day aimlessly searching for posts on careerjunction.com . At any rate, I received a cheque in the mail from one of the blog's advertisers last Friday. As you can imagine, I was elated. I decided to transfer the money into my bank account today because the weather wasn't cold and miserable like it was the past six days.

Since the branches in the townships don't offer any type of foreign exchange services, I had to ride a train to town. I bought a single tickets 'cause I figured that if I window shop long enough by the time I decided to come home, the ticket examiners would have already knocked-off and I would get to ride the train for free*. I went to the branch in Melville, Campus Square better known as Sugar-daddies' paradise. I get to the bank, feeling all cocky 'cause I'm in possession of a cheque in US dollars, it doesn't matter how little the actual amount is, as long as it's in Dollars! I get to the teller, tell her what I'm there for and after momentarily looking at me funny she asks where I got the cheque. In an uppity tone, I tell her it's from one of my advertisers. She asks for my ID book, she wanted to check if my account was in a healthy condition. After finding out that my account is empty, she goes to the next stall to speak to another teller. She comes back and tells me that she's going to have to send my cheque to head office, apparently it takes three years to recover money in dollars, the bank usually give you the money upfront but since I have no money in my account they wouldn't have any way of recovering their money in the event that the cheque bounces. Basically I was too broke to cash a US dollar cheque. She asked me if I still wanted to cash in that cheque, I said yes and she gave me a couple of forms to fill. She told me that if head office deems my broke ass unworthy of getting some ka-ching, the money won't be transferred and if by Monday the money hasn't been transferred, I should come back and collect the cheque. Whatever mechanism my brain devised to prevent me from seeing just how bad my finances are, ceased to function at that very moment. My mind was opened and I was reminded just how broke I really am.

Update (30/04/10 11h05 CAT): The bank just called to inform me that head office will not process my cheque.

*I'm not condoning illegally riding trains, Unless you're in the mood for some beat down, don't try doing what I was trying to do here.

My FIFA 2010 World Cup predictions

2010-04-28T12:01:00.000+02:00

I'm no soccer analysits or anything, in fact I'm the least qualified since I'm not a soccer fanatic and Unless Kaizer Chiefs or Olympique Lyonnaise are playing, I'd rather watch a movie. Since Soccer, like all other major Sports, is hella predictable, I decided to share my predictions with the rest of the world. Without wasting any of your precious time, here is how the Soccer World Cup is gonna play out:

Group Stages

Group A

1. France

2. South Africa

3. Mexico

4. Uruguay

France and host nation South Africa move on to the last 16.

Group B

1. Argentina

2. Nigeria

3. Greece

4. Korea

Argentina and Nigeria through to the next round.

Group C

1. England

2. USA

3. Algeria

4. Slovenia

Anglo-Saxons For the win.

Group D

1. Germany

2. Australia

3. Ghana

4. Serbia

Germany and Australia through.

Group E

1. Cameroon

2. Japan

3. Netherlands

4. Denmark

Group F

1. Italy

2. Paraguay

3. Slovakia

4. New Zealand

Group G

1. Brazil

2. Portugal

3. Ivory Coast

4. North Korea

Brazil and Portugal move to the next round.

Group H

1. Spain

2. Chile

3. Honduras

4. Switzerland

Spain and Chile through

Last 16

France VS Nigeria------> Winner: France

Argentina VS South Africa-------> Winner: Argentina

England VS Australia---------> Winner: England

Germany VS USA-------> Winner: Germany

Cameroon VS Paraguay---------> Winner: Cameroon

Italy VS Japan-----------> Winner: Japan

Brazil VS Chile-----------> Winner: Brazil (Duh)

Spain VS Portugal-------> Winner: Portugal

Quater-finals

France VS England-------> Winner: France

Argentina VS Germany-----> Winner: Germany

Cameroon VS Brazil-----> Winner: Brazil

Italy VS Portugal------> Winner: Italy

Semi-Final

France VS Brazil-----> Winner: France

Germany VS Italy----> Winner: Germany

Final

France VS Germany

France lifts the trophy, Predictably.

Random thoughts/ Rants

2010-04-27T14:20:00.000+02:00

I haven't been updating as regularly as I would want to, not because I didn't have anything to say. I had lots of things I wanted to say, I just fell into the "What would my readers think" trap, which is quite unfortunate 'cause when I created this blog, I created it 'cause I wanted a place where I let off steam, talk about my fears, insecurities, interests, dreams and etc. with the rest of the virtual world. I don't know how I went from that to deleting several drafts because they're too emo or too negative, enough is enough, I'm taking back this blog, you can expect more personal and possibly emo posts in the future.
This is going to sound very harsh but I find half the people I'm following on twitter a little annoying. I don't know why but I decided to follow more folks from Johannesburg and I opened one hell of a Pandora's box. Everything people were saying about JHB residents that I thought was just "hating" might be true. Jo'burgers tend to have a propensity for "my-shit-don't-stick syndrome", it must be the dust they've inhaled from the mine dumps or something.
I made a dumb bet with someone late last year and I'm glad I did it. We made a bet that If I don't lose a substantial amount of fat by September I buy him a case of Amstel larger but if I do he'' buy me a case of Heineken. The funny thing about it is that I was planning to lose the fat anyhow, so either way I'll have a pack of 24 this September. I don't Jog any more 'cause I realized that I suck at it, so I've been doing 30 minutes cardio three to four time a week and I think it's working I've lost about 5 kilograms in two months. I know I could lose more if I watched what I ate but I love rich food way too much for that. I'll keep doing what I'm doing 'cause it's working.
Speaking of Amstel, maybe it's just me but I've realized that it doesn't taste the same. Somebody in QC department at Sedibeng-Heineken brewery needs to get fired, 'cause the shit their producing nowadays doesn't taste like the Amstel we know and love, it's not as smooth, it doesn't taste like a premium beer. A few people complained about the texture when Heineken decided to take over operations from SAB three years ago but the change in taste wasn't this drastic. If they don't pull their socks up, I might have to start drinking ghetto ass black label beer.

Music Break - Beats, James Beats

2010-04-22T20:13:00.000+02:00

Once in a while a musician comes up with a brilliant idea, then their brilliance gets the better of them and they end up with schizophrenic end-products that we, the consumers of their music, end up filing under "Good ideas gone bad". This instrumental project isn't one of those, the artist actually executed his idea splendidly.

Beats, James Beat is an instrumental project by some guy named shy guy. Never heard of him but while I was taking a stroll down the deep dark depths of the interwebs I came across his music. He samples James Bond main theme song (get it, beats, James beats?) in chronological order, from Dr No to License to Kill. I'm not a fan of James Bond, I prefer Austin Powers, but I couldn't help head boping to his hot Beats.

Because I care for my readers, I'll provide you with his band camp page, where you can stream the whole album or download it for free. [Check it out: Shy Guy's Bandcamp]

Perception is greater than reality

2010-04-16T16:44:00.000+02:00

It's Friday and this poor white guy is trying to get home but these bloody taxi drivers keep ignoring him. People who use taxis as a means for transport know that there are countless reason a taxi driver might ignore you, for instance, different taxis go to different destination and the only way a taxi driver would know were you're going is if you make the appropriate hand signal to stop the taxi (pointing upwards if you're going to the CBD, downwards if you're going somewhere local, etc). If you make the wrong hand signal, the taxi driver ignores you. When the taxi is full, the taxi driver ignores you. If the taxi driver saw that you've just gotten off a Rea vaya BRT bus and need a taxi to get to your next destination, he ignores you.

It's quiet sad that, with so many possible explanations of why a taxi driver would ignore a passenger, that this guy would think that the reason he was ignored was because he was white. Poor soul................ but then again, maybe he's right, with all this talks of vengeance and race wars, taxi drivers might have thought that he's a bloody agent sent by the AWB to blow their brains out. Yeah, they ignored him 'cause he's white.

This is what a taxi looks like, in case you didn't know

Erykah Badu - Window seat

2010-03-29T16:08:00.000+02:00

No amount of words can describe the awesomeness of this video. I won't bother with a written analysis of it though, Kookie beat me to it. And no, I shall not make a sexist comment about her well rounded ass either ;)

Jobless in Johannesburg II: the interview

2010-03-26T11:35:00.000+02:00

He woke up unusually early today. As part of his morning ritual, he reaches out for his phone to check if any of his favourite blogs have been updated. One new message, the flashing phone screen read. Wondering what kind of Neanderthal would send a text message so early in the morning, with eye gunk blurring his vision, he attempts to read it.

Morning AQUILOGY, quick reminder for your interview at 14h30PM in our offices in Centurion, Lyttleton. If you'll be running late please call. C U then.

Shocked, he opens his e-mail to check if he didn't get the dates wrong, he could've sworn the interview was on Monday. Disappointed that he confused his interview date, he makes a mental note never to take important calls after waking up. Agitated, he quickly gets out of bed to take a shower, thank goodness his sleep was interrupted, he would have been screwed. You would assume that he would be humiliated by having to ask his mother for transport money but the thought of going to his first interview this year makes him euphoric.

Time is still on his side. It's only 6h45, he decides to head on over to campus to print the Job description and directions the agency sent him. Relieved at the sound of taxis hooting outside, atleast getting there won't be much of a hustle plus he won't have to worry about getting shot for boarding a BRT feeder bus. The clock strikes seven and he leaves to catch a taxi to campus.

Upon arrival, he remembers that he's no longer a student there, his student card might still be working but he's still here illegally. Since there was no money in his student to print, he decided to call his constant life-saver, Alv_Mac

Alv_Mac: Hey, AQUILOGY, howzat.

AQUILOGY: sweet boet, are you attending any lectures today? I need a quick favour from you.

Alv_Mac: Nah, I'm free 'til eleven.

AQUILOGY: Cool, can you borrow me your student card, I'm not on the system so they didn't load any xerox moolah for printing on mine?

Alv_Mac: No problem, I'm at the library, you'll find me there.

Briskly walks to the library, enters the study room and notices the whole room staring at him. I guess it's not everyday they see someone with a shirt and tie. He notices Alv_Mac, working on his electronic circuit board or whatever, he always was somewhat of a genius.

Alv_Mac: Heita, what is it that you want to print? and what's with the shirt and tie?

AQUILOGY: I have an interview, I need to print out a couple of important documents. Do you know where I can get an A3 printer here?

Alv_Mac: I don't think they A3 prints here, maybe in campus square? Just do it in A4, I'm sure they won't mind.

AQUILOGY: Alright then, where's your card?

Alv_Mac: In my bag, in the left pocket.

AQUILOGY: Alright thanks, I'll be back in thirty minutes.

After printing the documents he wanted, he couldn't help but browse the interwebs for some free EP's on bandcamp. An hour later he realizes that he doesn't know the exact location of the interview, it's best he leaves early to avoid arriving late. He runs back to the library to hand Alv_Mac back his student card, thanked him for helping him out and leaves for Noord Taxi rank. He finds the taxi to Centurion completely empty, the sixteen-seater has to be filled before the taxi leaves. time is still on his side. He reads his communication III work-book for some interview tips. An hour later, the taxi gets filled. The driver walks in and starts the engine. He shows the taxi driver the directions the agency sent him, asked him if he knew where the place was and the driver told him that he does but the place is on the other side of Centurion, he's gonna have to catch another taxi there.

Upon arrival at the taxi rank, he asks the queue marshals where the taxi to Lyttleton is, they pointed to a worn down taxi left from where they were standing. He Walked to the driver, showed him the printout and asked him if he knew where the place is. The driver nodded, assured him that he'll drop me off exactly at that place, even though it's not part of his route. He got inside the taxi, greeted everyone and waited for the taxi to fill up. thankfully, it was already half-full. fifteen minutes later, the taxi departed. The driver dropped off everybody else and drove to his destination, just as he had promised. He dropped him off there and told him he'd be back in an hours' time to pick him up. An 45 minutes earlier, he walked to the office building, the secretary rang him up. He walked up the stairs to the second floor, heart pounding like a love struck teenage boy. Walks in the agency offices, observing and analysing his surrounding. Everybody is drinking coffee instead of working, what kind of operation is this? he asks himself, the secretary walks towards him, they exchange greetings. After being handed a several documents to fill in and sign, he notices that one of the documents is an indemnity form, it wasn't enough that they got hold of his CV in an under-handed fashion, they now want him to sign an indemnity form? this place is shady.

A chubby old lady with long curly red hair walks up to him, he introduces herself as a recruitment agent, she's the person who's going to interview him. He leads him to a tiny room in the corner, apparently it's her office. She sternly asks for the documents requested, asks him to take a seat. looks at the documents, a copy of his ID, qualification and his most recent payslip, files them, informs him that the company that the are looking to place him in is a food manufacturing company and not the one that they spoke about on the phone the day before, having worked in that environment, he has a better chance of finding a position there. and asks him a few question. Surprised and secretly mad that he only got asked two questions, couldn't the agency do one of those telephonic interviews that seem to be trend these days? he cannot believe he travelled all this way to get interviewed in less than ten minutes but I guess it's a blessing in disguise, he has a nasty history of loosing his cool in the last ten to fifteen minutes of an interviews. He thanks the agent for her time, leaves the room hoping that he gets short-listed he needs that money to waste on his infamous beer guzzling episodes.

George Bush doesn't care about black people

2010-03-26T11:25:00.001+02:00

There's a new video buzzing on the interwebs featuring your boy George Dubya Bush, Clinton and a multitude of Haitian refugees. Dubya shakes the refugees' hands and in a classic move called "eeew black people" wipes his hand with Clinton's shirt afterwards. Classic! I've embedded it for your viewing pleasure, enjoy.......

Jobless in Johannesburg

2010-03-24T15:39:00.000+02:00

Rudely awakened by a phone call, disoriented, he reluctantly presses the okay button. He never was a morning person, granted, the time was 23 minutes to midday but still, he loathed being woken up. Voice still raspy he begins to answers the phone.

AQUILOGY: Hello

Recruiter: Hi, This is may I please speak to

AQUILOGY: That's me, but you can call me by my middle name.

Recruiter: (Relieved, having been absolved from the burden of having to pronounce an easy to pronounce tswana name) Hi, AQUILOGY, this is Mariska from Pure-Talent recruiters. Is this an appropriate time for us to speak.

AQUILOGY: Umm... yeah, sure.

Recruiter: AQUILOGY, One of our affiliates has forwarded us your CV. I see that one of your interest is alternative energy...

AQUILOGY: It was, until I realized that there's a possibility that climate change is a hoax.

Recruiter: (silent for about a few seconds) Oh......... I see, but are you interested to work in the renewable energy field.

AQUILOGY: Sure, why the hell not.

Recruiter: We're interested in selling your CV to one of our clients, can you come for an interview and assessment next monday at 4h30 in the afternoon?

AQUILOGY: Yeah, no problem. May I ask where did you get my CV, I don't remember sending it to any agency?

Recruiter: Like I've said, one of our affiliates forwarded it to us. You applied for a post a while ago, you weren't suited for the position so your CV was forwarded to us, we specialize in Graduate placements.

AQUILOGY: Oh, okay

Recruiter: Anyway, AQUILOGY, What is your current income?

AQUILOGY: Zero rands and Zero cents. I'm currently "Between Jobs"

Recruiter: Okay, anyway, I'm sending you a confirmation e-mail with directions to our offices in Hyde park. Thanks for taking the time to speak to us. Have a nice day.

AQUILOGY: Thanks, you too.

Looks at the time and realizes it's almost midday, he desires to get out of bed but the only thing he's got planned to do today is watching an episode of Witness on Al Jazeera and that doesn't come on 'til 16h00. He slowly covers his head with the sheets and goes back to the dream he was having, where he isn't a jobless unmotivated graduate from Johannesburg.