NATALAKE

I Have Moved

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 17:05:00 +0000

It has been a hell of a three months! I went back into the mainstream 9 to 5 ( that's enough to be exhausted for me at least!)

And I have MOVED! Yep!!!!!!!!!

I took the plunge and made a new home at www.natalake101.wordpress.com !

Let me know what you think!!!!

Natasha xoxo

Dear Daddy- An Open Letter of Gratitude

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Sat, 04 Nov 2017 16:15:00 +0000

Dear Daddy,

I miss you. I wish you were still here. I cannot lie and say I have fully accepted that in a few days it will be one year since you left. For the first time in my life, I understand that time is relative. Never has a year been so quick yet so slow. Never have I had so many experiences yet felt nothing at all.

I think in many ways I am very lucky to have had you as a father. I am blessed to say that we really had nothing left that was unsaid. I was actually one of the people you did not have the last conversation with, and now I understand why.

Because you said it, and at the time I refused to actually hear it. That you knew I was going to be fine.

You had faith in me before I even had faith in myself.

You knew one day I would wake up and realize my worth, and that nothing you had ever done was in vain.

I want to thank you for protecting me, and thank you for staying silent.

Thank you for not killing some of, if not all of my boyfriends, as I know fully well that you thought about it OFTEN!

Thank you for letting me make my mistakes. They have made me and continue to make me who I am.

Thank you for really knowing me, though many times you were a man of few words, that had no effect on the bond we shared.

Thank you for our last heart to heart as father and daughter, as we were driving into Port of Spain. I know you are looking over me, knowing I will soon fulfill that final piece of advice you gave to me.

Thank you for being imperfect.

Thank you for showing me what a true gentleman does. Thank you for showing me what I can expect of a man.

Thank you for being an example of true love.

Thank you for being the one man in the world who honestly told me I was beautiful, and I knew you meant it, because you had nothing to gain.

Thank you for that note you wrote that I found after you died.

I was going through a dark time and wrote many things I disliked of myself, my sadness and my lack of self-love.

You wrote over it,

I LOVE YOU!YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL (in caps)!

I wonder if you knew- that years later, at 30 years old, that would change my life and fold me into a heap of tears.

Thank you for giving me hope.

I love you,

Natasha.

Favourite Alternate Exercises: Spicing It Up as a Solo workout Girl

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Sun, 29 Oct 2017 19:59:00 +0000

In my blog post about PCOS, I wrote about weight loss, and how I incorporated exercise into my lifestyle.

Today I want to go a little bit deeper and let you in on my secret. My favorite routines, programmes, and fitness enthusiasts.

I have stopped being an avid gym buff- mainly because I need to become more disciplined and get my ass into the gym. These days I work out at home and outdoors.

While I started off with Focus T25, I soon turned to alternatives, such as Insanity Max (currently in my second month!) and any sort of cross-fit, dancing, aerobics and dancing. I work out alone on a regular basis, so I need to constantly change my routine so that I stay motivated and do not get bored!
I also have recently started wearing brighter workout clothes as a way of staying motivated and I usually blast my favorite playlist from Deezer. You know you have done a routine like crazy when you can mute the video and play motivational music!

My CrossFit Go-To right now:

Fitzala’s CrossFit workouts at home- I love this article because the routines are super easy to do and you can do them anywhere!

If you are looking for a great start-up routine, Check out Simply Sadie Jane’s Crossfit Series!

Cardio Go-To to mix things up when I am bored:

Estelle Archer’s Zumba Video- Ole Ola
Keira LaShea- Burn to the Beat Dance Intervals: African Cardio Dance Workout-

Favourite Ab Workout of Life!!

Tiffany Rothe- 10 Minute Booty Shaking Waist Workout- Lose inches off your waist ( TESTIFY! IT WORKS) I loved this video so much I shared it all of my girlfriends. I will never forget the first time I did it, I woke up the following morning sore! Did I mention it works!!!

Also, good old Russian Twists are everything!

Outdoors:

Keeping it fun can be challenging without a workout buddy. But when I have one I love to do Lady Chancellor Hill. It's a two-mile uphill trek, that many times seems null. The reward aside from having completed the hill is the stunning vista of the country's capital Port of Spain. My favorite time to go is early morning before the heat kicks into high gear and of course, we always throw in a few selfies!

I also try to throw in an outdoor jog whenever I can, one of my favorite places to do this is the Queens Park Savannah (which we proudly boast is the biggest in the world). Plug in some good music and/or company and just go!

Keeping it fun can always be a challenge, many times I stand up and say loudly "I don't want to do this" but then I buckle down and get it done, half-hearted sometimes- but at least it is done!

How do you keep active and stop your workouts from becoming boring? Let me know!

Like what you have read! Subscribe so you can be up to date with all the latest posts! Keep an eye out for my favorite work out tunes.

Have a great week!

Carnival- The True Festival of Love

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Sat, 21 Oct 2017 01:46:00 +0000

For those of you who don't know. I currently live in Trinidad and Tobago. I came to live here when I was six years old.

The first major experience I had, was 'playing mas', or as it is better known Carnival.

Trinidad carnival, I think, is still one of the best-kept secrets in the world. If you have Caribbean heritage or Caribbean friends you may know about it.

But you don't REALLY know about it until you touch down and the whole place shell down.That is, you come here, fete (party) non-stop (this is to be taken literally), collect your costume and come Monday morning you hit the road.

With the recent media coverage of Caribbean carnivals, many people have negative remarks and comments about our behaviour. The gyrating , the bumping and grinding. But fail to recognise the most important thing, it is your option as to how you conduct yourself.

Just to be clear- there is no more euphoric feeling than stepping out on that road and hearing the bass of soca music pulsating through the country's capital. Pulsating is no joke, shop windows vibrate, the vibration rises from the earth through our feet into our waists as we wine high and low to the music.

Big Bad Soca- Bunji Garlin

This post is short and sweet just like our carnival season! Carnival is never long enough!!! Then we have to wait a whole year till the next time we can participate in the GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH!

Though there is no better experience than chipping and wining on the road Carnival Monday and Tuesday, if you can't stay that's okay.

Fete to your heart's content in the weeks leading up to it.

Not convinced about hitting the road? Take in one of my favourite fetes!Soca Brainwash....

Here's a taste of some of the costumes, just a teaser!

Counting down to Carnival!

T-113 DAYS!!

Interested? Don't be a stranger! Message me!

The world needs more love!

I Received a Blogger Recognition Award!

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Wed, 18 Oct 2017 17:51:00 +0000

I Have Received a Blogger Recognition Award!!!!

What a surprise! I am delighted and blown away that I have received a Blogger Recognition Award from Lazy Wonton Blogs! There I was, sort of sifting through, checking to see if I had made any headway on blog traffic and I saw the comment. Again, dead surprised!

Big Up (That’s like ‘Respect!’ in Trinidad) Lazy Wonton Blogs. I sat down and really pored through the blog and felt the frustration, also the humor in those moments that we are lucky to be a part of. The blunt honesty is refreshing and a nice reality check. For example,. How many people really prefer Starbucks over every other coffee??

Why Did I Start My Blog?

I started my blog as an outlet for my thoughts and to express myself. I had a good example. My mum, who has been blogging since Yahoo 360 days, and always seemed to enjoy it, so I opted for it as a choice to really let out my frustration. Oddly enough, my best writing came when I was at my lowest and darkest places. In many ways, I also felt like (and still do) feel like I would like to offer my experiences as tribute (ha ha ha).

Really, when I was younger, there were certain things I needed to know, and I want to hopefully help someone who needs that knowledge and/or inspiration (hopefully!).

Advice to New Bloggers?

Oddly I think the first thing is, you can never stop learning. So don’t be shy to ask any questions, as the saying goes – There is NO SUCH THING AS A STUPID QUESTION.

Allow yourself the freedom to be creative. While it is good to take into account what your audience may enjoy, do not be afraid to put your heart and soul into your writing, honesty brings out the best in everyone and everything.

One thing regarding post length. I have learned after going over previous posts. Keep it short and engaging. Honestly, even now, when I am delving into the blogosphere, I tend to brush over long posts, unless it is on a topic that I am incredibly interested in.

Also, spell check is your best friend. I have made and continue to make errors. Do not be afraid to mull over a post, or have a trusted friend read over it before you click publish!

So I had to nominate 15 bloggers! Here we go!

The blogs above have been inspirational! Hopefully, you enjoy them as much as I have!

Accepting this Award:

~Make sure you take the time to thank the blogger who gave you your nomination. Write a little bit about them and their blog and provide a link of where to find their blog.
~Write a post to show your award
~Briefly explain why you started your blog
~Share some advice to new bloggers
~Select 15 other bloggers you would like to nominate for this award
~Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them; provide the link to the post you have created regarding the award.

If you have any tips, please share them! We never stop learning!!

Night Musings_

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Thu, 12 Oct 2017 02:16:00 +0000

I believe it goes without saying.

Everyone has weak moments.

However it is the company you keep, that can pull you through.

I remember my father would say.

"Show me your friends and I will show you who you are."

How right he was.

Today as I received my facebook memories, I glimpsed a memory thanking friends for being there for me in what I thought then was a tough time.

If only I had known that what I thought was challenging, was nothing compared to the blow I was about to feel. A blow that would unearth pain, suffering and harsh realities I turned a blind eye to.

I am reminded of the saying. Blowing out someone else's candle will not make yours shine brighter.

Wise words from someone who obviously lived through it.

Things I Wish I had Known and Focused On More

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Sat, 07 Oct 2017 14:33:00 +0000

I remember when I was eighteen years old, I came home one day and I was told I would be going "home". From spending my days on the beach to pounding a pavement. It was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me.

It is funny how sometimes we are taught many things, but we don't follow up on them, whether it is out of fear, sheer laziness or insecurity.

As my journey continues, I decided to list things that I needed either to know, focus on, learn or believe in.

You can always start over
There is always a lesson
Letting go is easiest when you rip it off like a band-aid
You are beautiful
You are smart
Not every successful person is an academic
You don’t need to know exactly what you want to be when you’re a teenager
Never stop daydreaming
What you repeatedly focus on will manifest
Discipline is not easy, it takes commitment
Life is only as difficult as you make it
Don’t follow the crowd
Stand up for yourself
Look at what’s going on inside you when you feel negative emotion towards another person
Don’t let your past control your future
Always follow your instinct
Travel alone at least once. Live in another country alone
Follow your passion- it’s your calling.
Mind your manners- you never know who may be watching you
Don’t be afraid to leave people behind
Live in the present moment mentally
Say Goodbye
Listen to your parents! Most times, they have been through it, or know the outcome per experience!

Life does not come with a rule book, so we need to share!

A Journey of Little Footsteps: What You Never Saw

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 14:27:00 +0000

I hated primary school.

They say be careful what you wish for.

My family lost everything.

I did not go to school for roughly a year.

I stayed home every day.

Watched everyone go to school.

All of a sudden being unhappy at school did not compare to just not being there.

Our electricity was cut.

We had no food.

Bailiffs took little of what we had left.

I hid what I thought was valuable when I heard them coming.

I hid my dog.

But today, when people see me.

They judge.

They don't know.

What I lived.

I lived in fear of judgment.

Until I realised I was being judged.

Their judgments.............

They insulted my life and my experiences.

You have no idea.

Do not judge a book by its cover.

Till today I have never let anyone open me.

But why not, since they have made their own assumptions, but never walked in my shoes.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Walk in faith, believe in yourself and understand. Those who judge are blinded by their own thoughts.

Theme Days!

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Sat, 23 Sep 2017 22:35:00 +0000

In one job, I was lucky enough to make some lifelong friends, and learn some tips and tricks to survive corporate life!

My favorite was and still is THEME DAYS!

Theme days basically kept me slightly sane and managed to keep my anxiety somewhat at bay.

So if your office makes you feel like you are on the verge of breaking down and there is no way you can leave (YES I fully endorse leaving careers/ jobs that are detrimental to your mental health- once you are able to support yourself of course) This is for you.

It is very simple- all you need is YouTube on your desktop/phone or any music app for that matter. Choose what you're in the mood for that day;

A few of my favorites:

-Carnival Days (especially old school road march)

- Boy Bands ( Backstreet Boys, N Sync, 98 Degrees etc.)

-70's

- R & B

Click the links above for some of my faves!

Create a playlist and go - or let YouTube decide! Since there are so many playlists, you can easily type in a genre/theme, select and work without interruptions.

Also- when things get really stressful. Shut your door and dance! Because no one is watching.

Your Passion is Important

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Sun, 17 Sep 2017 14:44:00 +0000

From as long as I can remember, which is sporadic per repressed memory, there is one thing that makes me happy- The Arts.

It's the one time I come alive, where thought I feel this rumbling and complete mayhem in my stomach, I am happiest.

I believe in gifts. More than ever we are given gifts for a purpose.

And if we follow those gifts, that passion; everything else will fall into place ( think about stars aligning... that's it right there).

I also believe hard work and dedication are needed. You can't sit down and expect it to fall into your lap, or can you??

My life is definitely not perfect.

But I can definitely say, when I am following my heart and passion, I am definitely in a better place, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.

When I am stubborn, my growth stalls. I resist change = bad situations occurring. I never wanted to acknowledge my action contributed to these things. My insistence on being in control (subconsciously) I didn't even realize. So I experienced what I perceived to be "bad" when it was really a lesson being repeated until I realized and acted accordingly. Like the child being told, "Don't touch the stove, you will burn yourself!" Me= proceed to jump onto the stove.

My indoctrinated desire to fit the mold I was taught to believe was the right way to live.

When I tell you I contributed to my own pressure, it's no joke.

So as the journey continues, I am learning to be accountable. Life isn't just happening to me. I am creating my destiny, my life path, my everything.

Life is happening for me. Not against me.

So throwing caution to the wind, I follow my passion.

Admittedly I still battle daily with shedding teachings of academia and corporate life.

But it will never be fully shed. It's about balance, finding a happy medium.

It will come

My Sunday thoughts, as I prepare for another week of this journey.

Tsimplicity- Changing my face!

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Tue, 12 Sep 2017 03:10:00 +0000

Last week I got the Brown Shuga Scrub by Tsimplicity

The description intrigued me, " ...... can be responsible for skin cell preservation, protects the skin from the adverse effects of UV rays.It makes skin smooth and tones your skin to perfection.Coffee plays a crucial role in regulating cell re-growth, which leads to retained hydration and increased skin elasticity. It also gets rid of dark unwanted spots from your face, arms and back area and also corrects discoloration."

I have an ongoing battle with my skin, one minute it is normal to oily, next minute it is dry and painful, so I am always hesitant to try anything on my skin.

I recently stopped washing my face with "hard water" and started cleansing with witch hazel and ponds cold cream. Which made an IMMENSE difference on my skin. So I decided to give Tsimplicity's Brown Shuga Scrub a go.

Firstly let me get one thing out of the way, there is nothing bad about this product!

When I got home and opened the organic wrapping I immediately contacted Tsimplicity's founder, King Tsii and told her I wanted to eat it!

Trying to not eat the Brown Shuga Scrub!

It smells and looks that good.

So about two days later, after on and off smelling the product for a mood lift, I used it.

It goes on well, applying in an upward circular motion is recommended, you can feel your skin tingling from the caffeine!!!!. I left it on for a while ( got some wrinkles that need to be filled out) and tried not to lick my lips. Then rinsed.

My face was so moisturised I was blown away. As I write this review I have to remind myself to not touch my face, it's that soft!

Also, I am GLOWING!

Bonus: A little bit goes a LONG LONG way.

This product is definitely a case of quality and quantity.

I can't wait to try the rest of the Tsimplicity line, especially the Honey Oat Mask, that is said to be great for sunburn and has some amazing anti-inflammatory properties (she had me at anti-inflammatory).

Check out Tsimplicity on IG here!and follow the brand's founder King Tsii !

The Blooming Process

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 12:21:00 +0000

Last night this quote fell into my lap and it screamed at me softly. So much so it went straight to my Instagram feed (I have a slight IG addiction, my love for photos and making memories went from 0 to 100 when my daddy died.)Follow me on IG!!https://www.instagram.com/iamnatalake/

Not just the literal, but that undertone of being the creator of your own destiny! Sometimes you just have to dive in, forego the if, what's, how, why's and maybe's and just jump.

Having read a lot of motivational books, sometimes it comes across as such an easy task. Wake up, make a change, challenge yourself and BAM your life changes.

But it isn's that easy!

It is hard sometimes to get up, go out and face the world. To deal with people in general. To get through a day without focusing on your shortcomings at least 100 times! But somehow you manage. It is a challenge to let go of situations and thoughts that make you want to be in hiding. You can be the most bubbly person in the room, and still hide in a house.

If you have ever felt like that, or still do here are a few tips that I have used and I am still using on my journey to bloom!

Clear your mind
Focus on the present
Clearly envision your goals daily
Pray and manifest positive energy
Meditate
Push yourself- I mean really just jump- clear your mind and do it.
Surround yourself with like minded people (Find your tribe)
Music! Create playlists themed to each mood, or each attitude you want to adopt (Look out for my post next week on Theme days and the best playlists!)

Importantly, know that it is OK to fail. Every day is a new opportunity to start again and work daily on being the best version of yourself!

Poppy Apparel|Natalake BA

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 01:58:00 +0000

In April, I was blessed to receive an email from Poppy Apparel, inviting me to be a Brand Ambassador!

Now honestly, I pondered.

Mainly as I have a tendency to procrastinate, but recently I took the jump, and what a great decision it has been.

www.poppyapparel.com has something for every lady, from flirty and feminine, to sassy and downright daring.

Dresses, accessories, tees, handbags, shoes, sexy lingerie, swim suits, fitness wear and much more.

The prices are reasonable as well! I am talking about a shop that will definitely have you looking your best on a budget.

If you have time take a look.

If you are anything like me, style isn't just about wearing what's trending, style is an art, a form of self-expression.

Follow me on Instagram, where I share my favourite pieces and include my exclusive discount code NLAKE868 for 10% off your order.

By the way- FREE SHIPPING WORLDWIDE!

PCOS

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Thu, 07 Sep 2017 22:23:00 +0000

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

PCOS is one of the most common hormonal endocrine disorders.

It is so common, that many times people are quick to dismiss any complaints of symptoms as " Oh everyone has that, it is not a big deal."

That's pretty frustrating for someone who suffers on a daily basis, and doesn't have access to treatment or information on how to deal with this syndrome.

So if you have received that treatment from people, don't worry. They haven't experienced it, so they don't know.

One of the things that has been hardest for me dealing with PCOS was the fact that it manifested everywhere! So basically my brain fog and hormones are hitting me for six, plus I have a fuzzy layer of hair that grows on my face and I have to wax A LOT. Also, I always had a horrible problem with my weight (Thanks, PCOS). I'm not talking about having an issue just because I was overweight. I had an issue where no matter what I did, I gained weight. I'm talking about drastically cutting caloric intake and doing two hours of cardio, and not losing a single pound.

Let's just say there were many nights of tears.

One morning on my way to work, I was so ill, vomiting and dizziness..... the works. I knew things had gotten worse, but did not realise how horrible it was until I weighed myself.

In the space of three weeks, I put on 20lbs.

So I took myself to the doctor, and he put me on this magic pill called Glucophage XR (Metformin) and I decided to try and make some changes:

Exercise 25 mins a day - (I did Shaun T's Focus T25)
Slowly cut out all refined sugars.
Slowly cut out refined carbohydrates.
Ensure each meal has ample greens.
Slowly cut out dairy
Increase water intake
Decrease liquor intake.
Slowly cut out all processed foods.
Cut down on the amount of meat I eat.
Decrease caffeine intake.
Tell myself every morning "I can do this, I am strong, I am beautiful"

Now, admittedly the dairy was not hard to cut out because of the GI side effects of the medication.

My love of cheese is forever heartbroken.

But as for everything else, it took discipline, prayer and energy.

And tea. Lots and lots of tea. I drink turmeric and ginger tea every day. ( That's the Brit in me- also its great for low grade inflammation, another pain in the butt thanks to PCOS).

I prayed and continue to pray and ask every day for my health to be recovered.

And for everyone out here battling PCOS. I know it's hard, but it's definitely manageable once you have the right treatment and surround yourself with positive energy.

If you have any tips and tricks to deal with this pesky syndrome, let me know! Sharing is caring!

Here's to a healthier world!

Alphas

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Thu, 07 Sep 2017 01:38:00 +0000

There is no doubt in my mind, my biggest source of support and motivation comes from my girlfriends.

I am blessed to have girlfriends from all walks of life, and in all different fields. Our personalities are all fabulous.

Essentially we are all ALPHAS.

We have come to know one another so well, we can stop one before she blurts out something inappropriate, know when someone is unhappy and even know if she got laid.

And you know what I love, we don't have concern for each other's feelings when they are doing shit.

There's no free pass for not buckling down.

Even if we don't speak in a week. Basic convo normally includes catching up on everything from family to business to school.... there are no holds barred.

Basically, it's love.

We motivate, inspire and achieve.

And that's what a true ALPHA is. A lady who is focused on her growth, success and the same for her loved ones and family.

A lady who actually prays for someone who has harmed them.

A lady who is empathetic and accountable.

An Alpha has been hurt, dragged, disrespected, struggled, hungry, tearful, broke, abused.... The list goes on.

But she is STRONG

Perhaps Alphas are born, perhaps they are bred.

Whatever we are, we are beautiful, gentle, powerfully soft and brilliant.

And EXTRA!

Secrets

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Wed, 06 Sep 2017 17:20:00 +0000

So one of my best girlfriends introduced me to Sarah Jakes Roberts, and I am pretty obsessed with her sermons.

Honestly, some of them go over my head, but most touch a chord in me that I know doesn't want to be exposed.

The most recent one I listened to was titled "Secrets".

And it rang true, ALL secrets come out eventually.

I remember growing up, my father always said that if someone had something to hide, they were doing something wrong. I vehemently disagreed.

Now as an adult, I don't.

The weak hold secrets to protect a self-proclaimed honour.

Why? Because it may actually expose the truth.

People don't like the truth.

The: 'It is better they don't know!" Is really- 'I do not want them to be exposed to my truth!'

It's time to stop.

Evaluate yourself.

Even when it hurts.

It is the only way to grow.

Flaws.

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Fri, 01 Sep 2017 16:37:00 +0000

Everyone has them and it makes you who you are.

You ever realise when someone is too perfect your blood instantly starts to crawl, your alarm bells go off, your gut screams, intuition, whatever.

OWN YOUR FLAWS

Benefits include:

Your integrity shines!
Less stress
Removal of false friends.
Removal of negativity
People know the REAL you

For example "I'm not coming because I have to (insert excuse here)" Reality: "I'm not coming because I just want to stay home and watch Television." and they love you still.

You may actually live longer for it!
You will automatically gravitate towards your tribe.
It actually makes you more responsible!

Then you have those who don't see they have any flaws at all.

You can't blame them but you also can't help people who don't want to help themselves.

So you send them good energy and cut those chords.

Life is too short for sh*t.

But, do people feel pressured to be perfect because of society, or because they aren't comfortable with themselves? What do you think?

Gentle Reminders.

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Tue, 29 Aug 2017 16:16:00 +0000

Do you remember when the 'Gratitude Challenge' was trending?

So Facebook memories have been popping up this week. In a way, it was the Universe directly smacking me over the head and saying, "Hi! You have a lot to be grateful for, even though you may not see it."

Admittedly I have spent years in and out of depression (as my previous posts hint at from time to time). But somehow I always managed to survive, and Facebook showed me how.

Every day I thought of something to be grateful for, that I have been blessed with. I thanked God for my health, even when my condition gave me hell. Thanked God for my family even when we had been to hell and back. Thanked God for friends. Thanked God for being able to go to school, the list is endless.

I realised, what I lost with Daddy was hope and I was robbed of my joy that had been eroding slowly over years of not taking control of my life.

And life without hope is a rabbit hole.

So as I go through life, getting on the mend. I decided to do the cliche yet highly effective positive challenge to myself.

Every day I am going to post on Instagram a word that is positive, reflects love, compassion, joy and hope.

This is my healing.

Sometimes we all need to realise, the only person who can fix you is yourself.

And getting help on the way is OK.

A Year Is Nothing

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Mon, 28 Aug 2017 18:21:00 +0000

So now I am a part of this club that I never applied for, I always get the expected yet dreaded question:

"When did he die?"

"November."

"Almost a year."

Here is something you don't know until you become part of this club. Time is nothing, it still feels like a fresh wound pouring crimson blood onto the floor where my heart is.

The thing is, if you have not been through it, you do not understand. You will not understand until you are told by a doctor that your loved one is going to die, and then you don't understand until you watch them take their last breath and you see in their eyes that this is the last goodbye.

I can say this openly because I was the person who thought I understood. Now I know I had no idea.

Heartbreak is real. It is this icy hot sensation that burns in your chest when you see your loved one's casket being rolled away for the last time.

Death is real.

Life is real.

Practicing empathy is a beautiful thing, but if you can't do it, do not fake it.

Show your true emotion and don't be present.

Step to the side and allow those who are genuine to be that person's shoulder.

Town Walks.

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Thu, 24 Aug 2017 16:14:00 +0000

My mother gets vex with me.

Mostly because of my language. I retaliate by reminding her I am an adult. So whatever profanity may come, shall come.

Sometimes she will say, "I want to go in town" and I say "No".

Selfish reasons, yes!

You see, this is my typical walk in town.

"Psst"

"Reds"

"Family"

"Baby"

"You have a man?"

No response leads to:

"You feel you better than me or what?"

"You does sh*t ice cream!"

"F8Ck you na girl!"

"Watch she, feel she bess!"

Clearly I am fabulous if you take time out of your day to comment and then get upset because I ignore you.

But sometimes you get polite men, who per me being brought up properly, I will respond "Good Morning" when they say good morning to me and wish me a good day.

Sometimes I get pissed, and tell them to Haul dey Mudda C*nt!

So mummy cannot walk with me in town.

Check Up!

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Wed, 23 Aug 2017 19:00:00 +0000

So today I went for my monthly check up!

They checked my BP, weight etc. All the vitals, and then they delved into the scary abyss of the question deeper than the ocean... How do you feel?

You know that moment when you have a million fleeting thoughts, but when put on the spot you go blank and say "I'm fine."

That did not happen to me today.

Today I was actually able to say what was going well and what was not. What I am still battling with.

Today I got a gentle reminder that it is okay to be depressed, but it is better to actually do something about it.

I spoke to one of the officers about how I felt.

He said:

"Be Present, Be Selfish."

That's my advice for today, a seed of wisdom I think is really worth a share.

How Do I Really Feel?

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 19:55:00 +0000

How do I really feel?

I took a huge step and I recognized I needed someone to talk to. That I cannot continue on my own anymore.

That no matter how many paintings or burpees I do, it won't stop the pain.

I am scared yet numb, knowing when I open those doors tomorrow, I am basically saying goodbye to my life as I know it.

But how bad can it be? Sometimes the most painful transitions are those that bring you to the brightest futures.

I haven't stepped through those doors yet, and I already feel like I am walking into the Arctic.

That I am about to become another statistic.

Another file.

One day I will look back.

I already know it is for the best.

But letting go is never easy.

It is one of life's biggest tests.

Growing up as a girl it is okay to cry. But when did it become not OK to feel?

How is it that the generation of Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington became the people of today, who prefer a smile on social media, than a genuine answer to the forever Facebook question, 'What's on your mind?'

Why does a sad person want attention, and not want someone to tell them it's going to be OK?

Why does no one want to acknowledge, that letting go of pain, is one of the hardest lessons we will have to learn.

To Eat or Not to Eat! The Muffin Question.

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Tue, 23 May 2017 16:28:00 +0000

Does it sound trivial? The decision to eat a muffin?

It does.

But here's the thing, it is actually a conscious decision that needs to be made considering all factors.
Ingredients, calories, sodium..............UGH!

So last week we all got muffins as treats. Which is great! Who doesn't love treats!! Just as I was ready to delve into the delicious blueberry muffin. I stopped and looked at the nutrition facts, and I died inside. 352 &%^#(&! CALORIES! In a TINY muffin :(.

Deliciousness just turned into forbidden. Now the thing is, it's already forbidden. Living with PCOS you should really steer clear of every single ingredient that was in there. So I found discipline somewhere in my gut, put down the muffin and ate whole wheat Crix.

Fast forward to today, I am HANGRY I don't have lunch, and well I am SUPPOSED to be eating clean.

I just ate a blueberry muffin in less than two minutes, and now I have brain fog!

Discipline is a Son of Bitch!

What's on my mind Facebook??

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Thu, 18 May 2017 13:37:00 +0000

I have just sat down and opened Facebook, as right now it is my only form of communication.

What a life!

Here's my morning routine (today) because as you know, all ladies have a FAB morning routine!

Roll out of bed at about 6:30am (late)
Put on sports bra, sneakers and shorts.
Greet partner in kitchen.
Drink some ACV and Lemon concoction.
Lie on bed complaining about not being in the mood to work out.
Work out!
Clean.... because, who DOESN'T LOVE to clean!
Boil eggs for breakfast.
Take a shower.
Choose outfit.
Place phone on window sill ( to amplify sound of course)
Dance around room while getting ready..... PCD was my choice this morning, so you know I was really into it.

PHONE FALLS IN TOILET.

FML

Phone is in rice, out in the sun. My phone is tanning!!!!

And I am late for work.

Change Time!

noreply@blogger.com (NL) — Wed, 17 May 2017 18:46:00 +0000

So I have decided to resurrect my blog! Its a bit sparse right now, but keep checking in because it is time to make some changes.

Here are a few updates!

1. I started smoking again (Horrible yet true)
2. I have lost 60lbs! ( Hard work but worth it...... Yea everyone SAYS THAT- because its true!)
3. I started a business! (The economy is kicking my butt! But hey slow and steady wins the race)
4. I actually got an article published on Thought Catalog! ( Yes I am proud)

Now here are some hard truths that people don't like to read, but we need to recognize as a people!

I am battling depression.

It is not an easy road.

I have bad day- really bad days.

I have good days- which are pretty good!

I am taking one day at a time, come with me if you like.