It’s not news that we hear much more about white, blonde, and stereotypically “pretty” women who are beaten or kidnapped than we do about other women who go through the same kind of violence. It’s also not news that women of color are not given as much value as white women in this society (and that women aren’t valued as highly as men, of course).

But I still didn’t expect the Grammys to highlight and celebrate the work of a man convicted of bloodying and bruising a woman. (Three years ago, Brown beat up girlfriend Rihanna and subsequently turned himself in to the police, after which he was released on $50,000 bail.) Brown performed twice at the Grammy awards last February 12.

As Lori of Feministing wrote,

It is absolutely unacceptable that someone who is known to have perpetuated violence against a woman has been so uncritically welcomed and promoted by the music industry.

I completely agree.

Sasha Pasulka wrote a compelling post about the message society has been sending women by failing to punish Brown for his crime more severely since 2009:

The message we sent to young women was unmistakable: You are powerless. You are worthless. You will be a victim, and that will be okay with us.  […] We will easily forgive a person who victimizes you. We are able to look beyond the fact that you were treated as less than human, that a bigger, stronger person decided to resolve a conflict with you through violence. We know it happened, but it’s just not that big of a deal to us.

Moreover, the week before the Grammy awards, a producer of the show made a nauseating announcement:

“We’re glad to have him back,” said Grammys Executive Producer Ken Ehrlich. “I think people deserve a second chance, you know. If you’ll note, he has not been on the Grammys for the past few years and it may have taken us a while to kind of get over the fact that we were the victim of what happened.” (Emphasis mine.)

Like Pasulka noted, Ehrlich — *cough* a white man *cough* — is telling us that the victims of Brown’s attacks on Rihanna’s face were… the Grammys. Really? Simply horrifying.

What about race?

Remarkably, the media isn’t paying much attention to the racial elements of the situation.

Let’s dig deeper.

Do you think Brown would have received more criticism for beating up Rihanna if Rihanna were white? What if instead of Rihanna, Brown, a black man, had beaten up a white woman with blue eyes – somebody like the blonde Taylor Swift or the brunette Katy Perry? If this had happened, I bet he would not have gotten invited to perform at the Grammy awards this month (or if he had, many more people would have been up in arms about it!).

In turn, do you think there would be fewer backlashes against Brown if he were white? I wouldn’t be the least surprised if Rihanna were getting victim-blamed even more harshly if she had gotten beaten by a white man.

Black women and stereotypes

Stereotypes are essentially an attempt to justify violence of white people and black men against black women. And they often work.

In fact, many people, in 2009 and now, blame Rihanna for getting her face beaten by her then-boyfriend.

Jezebel

A 2004 study about African American women and violence in the media found that “the convergence of gender, race, and class oppressions minimized the seriousness of the violence, portrayed most of its victims as stereotypic Jezebels whose lewd behavior provoked assault, and absolved the perpetrators of responsibility” in TV news coverage of Freaknik, an annual “spring break” event that drew African American college students from across the U.S. to Atlanta, Georgia in the 1990s.

In other words, the media portrayed African American women who suffered violence at Freaknik as having provoked it through their supposedly excessive sexuality – it was their own fault that men beat them, you see, because they were overly sexual, or Jezebels. Consequently and appallingly, the perpetrators didn’t receive as much blame for what happened.

Sapphire

Gina McCauley of the blog What About Our Daughters suggested that another stereotype may be at play here: that of the strong black woman or possibly the Sapphire, “the wise-cracking, balls-crushing, emasculating woman, is usually shown with her hands on her hips and her head thrown back as she lets everyone know she is in charge.”

McCauley believes that Brown may be profiting from a mindset common in the black community which says that black men can get away with nearly anything and that it’s black women who are responsible — even when violence is exerted against them.

“We always blame black women when something goes wrong,” McCauley explained. “And we hold them to a completely different standard than we hold black men and boys to. And so while Chris Brown isn’t responsible for any actions, at his own hands, the girl — in this case, Rihanna — is always held responsible. And it doesn’t matter if she’s a poor black girl in the middle of the hood, or one of the most famous and probably commercially successful artists on the planet. She’s still a black girl, and she’s still responsible for every single thing that may happen to her in life.”

McCauley says that young black women tell themselves they are invincible as a coping mechanism and that, if they admit that Brown was to blame for beating Rihanna — a wildly successful young black woman –, black women must also admit that this violence can happen to them, a notion that would destroy the myth of the strong black woman that so many of these girls have internalized.

McCauley made sure to point out that this is not young black women’s fault:

“We don’t have conversations with girls about violence,” she says. “We don’t say, ‘How do you navigate interpersonal relationships with boys?’ I think the only message that young girls get consistently about relationships is don’t get pregnant, don’t get pregnant, don’t get pregnant.”

The bottom line

What makes the Rihanna-Brown incident so important is that it is high-profile. The point isn’t Rihanna or Chris Brown — the point is that we need to have a real conversation about domestic violence and how to prevent it and address it. The point is that by excusing or glossing over Brown’s violence (because of his past or the popularity of his music or whatever reason), we are sending women and young girls — but especially young black women — the perverse message that it’s okay if they get beaten and that their aggressor may ultimately not even be held accountable for his brutal actions.

Like McCauley wrote,

Somewhere right now, a group of women in real life is trying to convince a woman or girl that it is perfectly permissible for her “man” to beat the living snot out of her. They are trivializing the abuse and providing arguments for why she should stay.

Celebrating Chris Brown’s musical abilities despite his violent tendencies past tells women that getting beat up by a significant other is not a big deal. This message is being yelled especially loudly at black women.

We need to change it.

The sunset as seen from Key Biscayne, FL, on the day after Christmas.

I hope you’ve all been having a wonderful holiday season and that 2012 proves to be a fantastic year all-around.

Namaste.

Popular men’s magazines and sex offenders are using the same language, and it would seem that these magazines are perpetuating sexist and misogynist notions about women and sexuality.

“There is a fundamental concern that the content of such magazines normalises the treatment of women as sexual objects. We are not killjoys or prudes who think that there should be no sexual information and media for young people. But are teenage boys and young men best prepared for fulfilling love and sex when they normalise views about women that are disturbingly close to those mirrored in the language of sexual offenders?,” asked study co-author Dr. Peter Hegarty.

Here’s one quote:

You do not want to be caught red-handed . . . go and smash her on a park bench. That used to be my trick.

Now, take a guess: is that quote taken from a men’s magazine or was it said by a rapist? If you guessed the former, you are unfortunately correct.

Here are two more disturbing examples:

I think if a law is passed, there should be a dress code . . . When girls dress in those short skirts and things like that, they’re just asking for it.

And

I think girls are like plasticine, if you warm them up you can do anything you want with them.

The first is by a rapist and the second by a magazine. Hard to tell the difference, isn’t it?

“We were surprised that participants identified more with the rapists’ quotes, and we are concerned that the legitimisation strategies that rapists deploy when they talk about women are more familiar to these young men than we had anticipated,” said lead study author Dr. Miranda Horvath (emphasis mine).

And I thought women’s magazines were trouble!

Do you read men’s magazines that promote — even if only subtly — violence against women? And if so, now that you are aware of this study and its implications, will you stop?

What else can we do?

Does abstinence-only education help? Do we need comprehensive sex education classes in schools instead? What else would be necessary to teach young people to respect the sexuality and boundaries of their peers of all sexes and genders (actually, people of all ages would benefit from this type of information, would they not?)? Further, what else in our society is exacerbating the issue of sexual assault – TV shows that sexualize and objectify women? (I can think of plenty that air on foreign television, e.g., Argentina’s Show Match, in which women prance each night wearing glittery g-strings and stilettos. Apparently this phenomenon is popular in Italian culture as well.) Are films to blame (pornographic and not)? Frat culture? Even women’s magazines?

What are we teaching boys and men?

One of the roots of the problem is that men are strongly encouraged to assert their aggressiveness and sexual appetite to manifest their masculinity — a move ostensibly necessary to gain the respect of others. Men are often taught to put their sexual desires ahead of common sense. Besides, “boys will be boys.” This behavior is widely accepted.

Taking Action

One group that’s working to address this is Men Can Stop Rape, an international organization that strives to eradicate rape and violence through public awareness and leadership training.

“In contrast to traditional efforts that address men as the problem, Men Can Stop Rape’s pioneering work embraces men as vital allies with the will and character to make healthy choices and foster safe, equitable relationships,” the group explains.

Another great organization is Eve Ensler’s V-Day — a global activist movement to end violence against women and girls. This group does not only address rape, but also female genital mutilation (FGM) and sex slavery, among other issues. It does this via global campaigns and fostering public awareness. V-Men workshops, for example, raise awareness and funds for anti-violence groups within their own communities.

What can you do?

It’s cool when you’re totally afraid of something — even paralyzed because of it — and think you’re failing, and then you realize that you have *not* done everything you can and it’s not that you haven’t achieved your goal because you suck and are awful, but because you’ve been [sabotaging] yourself into paralysis. And now you can start digging yourself out of that hole and shine like a star on crack.

A friend said she wants to etch this on her wall. Another said she’s going through this with someone right now and that it’s “so right on.” A third just wrote, “word to your mother.”

Sharing your thoughts with others is rewarding enough; learning that your words resonate with and are appreciated by people you care about is like getting an idea-hug. Er, whatever that is.

Sunset in Bradenton, FL

I am in love with Feminist Ryan Gosling.

Feminist Ryan Gosling’s Danielle Henderson is a goddess. It was about time I shared one of her creations.

I will soon begin writing about body-image, body-hatred, self-esteem, and other issues affecting women in particular but men — and children! — as well. It’s an issue very close and harmful to my body, mind, and soul and the bodies, minds, and souls of countless people I come across every single day. It’s amazing to me how far-reaching the media’s noxious messages are and how deeply they infiltrate our thought processes.

TV, magazines, billboards, cosmetics companies, inventors of Botox, cosmetic surgeons, etc. — you are some of our society’s worst poisons. Many of us are are fighting you. And you are not going to win.

Pariser directly addresses Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin, who are in the audience, asking them to offer the public more transparency and more control regarding how the search for information is being filtered. The author argues that not only should algorithms decide what to show us based on relevance, but that they should also provide material to us that is important, uncomfortable, challenging, and presents other points of view.

What I would like to know more about are the issues of importance and unease (the material deemed “uncomfortable”).

Who decides what is important? Apart from the obvious – e.g., news on Occupy Wall Street trump those on celebrities and fashion – the issue of power remains. Who are the watchdogs? Who has the power? Probably, in this case, those who create the algorithms. And are these parties fit to determine what is important? For example, in Argentina, where I’m from, the news on TV covers mostly local crimes, local politics, sports, and fashion. You virtually never hear about what’s going on abroad, which I find astounding – and harmful because it’s harshly limiting. And while I believe the people at Google, at least (since I browse Google News), are significantly more competent and reasonable in that respect, I am still uncomfortable knowing that they have this power instead of, say, Noam Chomsky, Eve Ensler, or Naomi Klein (am I biased? Nooooooo!).

But how could we work through this? What is the solution? How do we arrive at it?

Regarding news that is “uncomfortable,” what does this category mean, exactly? News about rape and incest? News regarding fetishes and the disturbing show Toddlers & Tiaras? News about Ukrainian authorities barbarically killing stray dogs in preparation for the Euro 2012 soccer championships next summer?

Life is plenty uncomfortable and jarring, so isn’t it logical that we should be exposed to news covering prickly topics? Ugly things are taking place, whether you want to stick your head in the sand or perk up your ears and somehow participate. Don’t you want to be part of progress, of action, of life on this earth? Staying updated on what’s going on around us is arguably necessary: it can help us keep an inclusive and well-rounded perspective in general, which is conducive to a more open, tolerant, and even compassionate mind — especially if our news consumption includes information coming from all sides. (Hear that, Google News/Yahoo News/etc.?)

What are your thoughts on Pariser’s video?

We are all trees.

This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. Not surprisingly, it’s a story by the wonderful Eve Ensler. (Since for some reason I am currently unable to embed the video, follow this link to watch and hear Eve tell you her story herself.)

I asked a woman in Nairobi, in a rift valley, “Do you like your body?”

She looked at me like I was crazy.

“Like my body? Like my body? Ooh, I love my body! I love, love my body! And my hands – ooh, my fingers! Look at my fingers, my fingernails! They’re crescent moons! My hands, my arms! So strong! They carry me along, so strong! Ooh! And my legs! My legs can wrap around a man and hold him down. My breasts…”

“I was like, whoa, whoa… stop there.” I said, “I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to love my body.”

She said, “What’s wrong with your body?”

And I said, “Well, I’ve got this stomach…”

And she said, “A stomach? What stomach? Your stomach is mean to be seen!”

So she said to me, “Eve, Eve – do you see that tree? Do you like that tree? Now, look at that other tree. Do you like that tree? Do you think that tree isn’t pretty because it doesn’t look like the other tree? Do you think this tree is ugly because it doesn’t look like that tree? You’re a tree. You’ve got to love your tree! Love your tree!”

How often do you remember to love your tree? Let’s remind ourselves every day! We are all trees worth loving.

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