Words of Night

Could You?

2011-06-14T01:48:00.002-07:00

Have you kept a clear mind
Any fresh thoughts lately?
I haven't a single idea

Lately I've lost who I am
Or who I was
I haven't a clue what I want

Could you tell me
Oh, could you tell me
Who you want me to be

I haven't the slightest clue
What I used to want to do
Could you tell me

Would you tell me
Your big idea,
The main idea behind you

I lost myself when I lost you
Oh could you tell me
You want me back just as much as I want you

Why did you tell me
Everything I wanted to hear
Could you tell me

If everything you said was true
You could tell me
While staring into my eyes

Your Vision

2011-06-14T01:48:00.001-07:00

Do I see the world in a different light?
I don't see a single thing inside me,
Nothing special
I am like everyone else,
Subconsciously trying to stand out

Do you notice me
For everything I wish I could be
No
You see what I've done
And you tell me honestly, I am a good person

Do you love me? Obviously
I know why I love you
Because you are you,
You tell me the god-honest truth
I hope your vision of me stays this way

Chapter 1: Bitten

2011-06-06T22:07:00.001-07:00

The crowd swarmed. Everyone was centralized on two girls. Cuts and slashes lined their arms. Their most notable feature was their transparent-blue, glowing eyes. Chains around their neck were attached to metal poles, held by armed guards. A guard was stationed on each of the girls and another two held guns pointed directly at them. They were held at bay, just barely out of reach of the crowd. The crowd cheered and screamed as the monstrous girls leapt and lurched at them.
“Move out,” one of the guards held a walkie-talkie radio and motioned for them to move. The guards forced the vicious females to move past the street. Guns drawn, they moved out of my vision.
“That was a great zombie show,” Randy said. He turned around to inspect another guy in a zombie costume. I glanced around at the many people in costumes around me.
“Hey Randy, let’s get out of the crowd,” I called to my friend. Comic-Con was an interesting sight, but it had left me exhausted. I had been running around all day. I had seen hundreds of artists and an almost infinite amount of people in costumes. I recognized many of them, but I also had no clue about many others. Overall I had enjoyed my day.
“Okay, we can go sit in the café,” Randy said motioning towards the building directly behind us. We went in the opposite direction of the undead femme-fatales. Randy opened the door and held it open for me. I entered and looked around the room.
“Huh, everyone must be following the show. Not a single person here,” I said with a slight chuckle. We sat down at a small table.
“Well it is a pretty awesome show,” Randy smiled. His brown hair fell just short of his eyes. He wore a grey tank-top beneath a white unbuttoned shirt.
“The make-up on those girls is really well done,” I said.
“Definitely professionally done,” Randy said, holding up a business card. “Apparently they’re selling some of their products down-stairs.”
“Want to check it out?” I asked. As I finished my question, Randy was cut-off by a series of screams. By now, people were flooding in from outside. Randy stood up from his chair. We stared in panic as the entire crowd ran from a danger completely unknown to us. The café quickly filled with people and many began to bar the doors.
“Sir what’s going on?” Randy asked the nearest man. He happened to be one of the first people to run inside.
“I don’t really know exactly. I saw a guy get bitten and some paramedics carted him off,” the man said with a worried look on his face.
“Bitten?” I asked, giving him a look of disbelief.
“The guy who did it was crazy,” the man said with a panicky look. He looked around, shaking with fear.
“Get away from the doors!” a person near the front, by the doors shouted. I heard pounding on the glass doors. I grabbed Randy’s hand and pulled him towards the escalators. I didn’t want to find out what was outside pounding on those doors. I wanted to get away from what everyone else was too dumbstruck to run from. As more and more people began running for their lives, I began a full sprint down the moving escalator. The hall seemed so immense around me. The chatter in the room grew louder and people piled in. Word hadn’t yet spread about the impending chaos. I was trying to outrun the word of panicked people. I was trying to escape before everyone fought each other for their own escape. We narrowly avoided the inattentive con-goers. I whizzed past a group of people with butterfly headphones, and leapt past a table full of convention pamphlets. A dozen tables filled with information about panels and events scattered my path. Randy ran closely behind me, his hand gripped mine tightly. We both knew something terrible had happened and neither of us planned on finding out what. I was thinking only of myself. I felt like all the other people around me meant nothing. Randy and I were the ones meant to escape. If I yelled, no one would hear me. If I spread the word, it would cause mass confusion and panic. The only logical decision was to run. I hurried around the corner and up the stairs. We found ourselves in a small, closed-off hallway. I let go of his hand and slowed to a walk.
A security guard stood facing the opposite direction. She held a wireless walkie-talkie system. I crept up as close to her as I could without giving myself away. I listened carefully to what was going on.
“The people here are lunatics. Biting each other? What are you talking about? I hate being stationed in the halls, nothing happens here,” the guard spoke softly. I backed away quickly and grabbed Randy’s hand again. I pulled him forward and we walked normally towards her. She heard our footsteps and ended her conversation with a sudden cough into the walkie.
“Excuse me,” I waved courteously at her. Her red curls bobbed on her head as she turned to face us.
“Yes?” She asked, still slightly shaken by our presence in the hall.
“I heard a man was attacked,” I said, frowning innocently. “Is he alright?”
“I’m sure he’ll be just fine, kid,” the guard said. “But I heard that some people went crazy down on the opposite side of the con,” she spoke quickly and softly at the same time. Her words were difficult to make out.
“What do you mean?” Randy butted in. He asked the question casually, but I could sense the urgency in his voice. We both needed to know what was going on.
“From what I heard, a bunch of people went cannibal on started ripping off people’s flesh,” she gave a slight chuckle. “I’d stay away from that area. They won’t let you in anyways.”
“Will do,” I said, walking past her. After we were out of ear-shot, I pulled Randy close to me and said, “Dark humor on that one, I guess that comes with the boring job,” I muttered. “Let’s get out of here. This con sounds like it’s getting dangerous.”
“Agreed, but I have to take the tram home,” Randy said with a nervous hint to his speech.
“I’ll walk you there,” I volunteered bravely. Randy led me to the nearest door leading outside. This back exit seemed strangely lacking in occupancy. All weekend we had seen groups of costumed kids huddled in corners talking. There was not a single child or even the rare adult.
“It’s stranger that there’s no one here,” Randy said, narrating my thoughts.
“Let’s get you to the tram so I can get back. I want to get the heck out of here,” I said. Randy and I walked side by side to the crosswalk. Cacti lined the gravel beside the sidewalk.
“Wow, look at those costumes! They’re almost as good as the ones we saw in that show,” Randy said pointing across the street at a pair of men. Their clothes were torn and they were covered in dripping wounds.
“Pretty well done. The blood dripping from their arms looks awesome,” I said. I loved the concept of zombies; I had been watching horror movies since I was 9. The ‘walk’ sign flashed in the crosswalk. We crossed and passed the pair. One reached his arm out and snagged a hold of my shoulder. He pulled me back. “Get off me you creep!” I yelled and shoved him back. He staggered back and fell onto the sidewalk. His partner crept forward at us. Randy pulled me away and we ran to the nearest tram stop.
“Scary,” Randy said, out of breath. He inserted a dollar coin into the automated ticket machine and received his ticket.
“I’m going to head back,” I said, checking the time. “5:02,” I muttered. “You’re gonna be alright without me, right?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Randy replied. I hugged him and turned to leave. “You be careful too.”
“I will,” I said and continued on. I walked slowly towards the convention, trying to regain energy. I check past every corner, trying to avoid everyone in zombie attire. I avoided the creeps for the most part and reached the front entrance. Surrounding the doors was a mass of people dressed as zombies. I heard my ringtone and felt a vibration coming from my phone in my pocket. I reached in and pulled it out. I caught a glance of the entire group of zombies staring directly at me.
They all lurched towards me and I tried to scream. I was terrified of this mob. The words ‘help me’ were caught in my throat.
“Stop!” I yelled. Their movements grew faster. I turned to run, but my foot was caught by a young girl. Her eyes glowed blood red and she clawed at my jeans. She bit at my leg through my pants and I could tell she had broken the skin. I kicked at her and screamed in pain as she continued to sink her teeth into me. I kicked and kicked until her face was blooded and bruised. She dropped her grip on my leg and I ran for my life. I flipped open my still-ringing phone.
“Hello?” I asked frantically.
“Nate?” a girl’s voice asked.
“Yes? I said impatiently. I tried to be calm despite my pain.
“It’s Miranda. I’ve lost Jessica. Where are you?” Miranda asked me, unknowing of the danger I was in. I could hear the noise in the background of the call.
“I’m being chased by a mob. Get Jessica and stay there. I’ll find you both,” I called into my phone and hung up quickly. I tossed the phone into my pocket and kept running as swiftly as I could. The mob was close behind, but I was putting some distance between us. I turned down an alley that led to the service entrance into the convention center. I hopped up onto the first bar of the gate and climbed up the rest of the way. I leapt down and caught myself. I landed on my injured ankle and cringed with pain.
I checked carefully around the enclosed area for anything resembling a zombie. The pain finally hit me full-on. The adrenaline rush had worn off and I could feel the searing in my ankle. I ripped up the bottom of my T-shirt to use as a bandage. I lifted my pant leg up to get a closer look at the bloody wound. A piece of flesh dangled precariously on a strand of still attached skin. I lifted it into its original position on the back of my ankle and tied it up with the rags.
“That hurts like hell,” I groaned in pain. I began to wonder what was going to happen to me. I was bitten by a zombie. Would I change like the rest had? If so, when would I turn? Sick thoughts filled my head. Would I see what I did as a zombie? Would I enjoy being undead? Was the taste of flesh an acquired taste?

Fickle Heartless

2011-05-25T23:00:00.002-07:00

My heart jumps
From person to person

With each new un-proclaimed love,
I lose a piece

"I'll give you a part"

"You too"

"Would you like one?"

My mind leaps from one thought,
A thought of the future

To another
Some are brighter than others

I can imagine
Being close to you,
But I can imagine being close to him, or even her.

I can imagine so many things
Why can't I just choose

Why did God leave me here
With a million choices

Why did God choose
To keep me un-opinionated

If there is a God
He is a fickle God

God left me here
With such a fickle heart

But sometimes,
I feel like I can't love another

I feel
So heartless

Perfect Day

2011-05-25T23:00:00.001-07:00

So many memories
So many pleasant days
Free me from the past's drama
Kiss me on the lips and say
How much you love me

Friends smiling,
Flirting,
Joking
We're all so insane
So
Tell me why you love these moments

Swimming and nerdy games
Will there ever be another day
That we can call perfect
Absolutely perfect

Keep On Trying

2011-05-25T22:59:00.001-07:00

My words
Don't seem to paint the picture
Your drawings
Seem so lifelike
When I think I've failed
You see it in a whole new light
You change the way I think
And keep me trying to write

Homesick Dandelion Seed

2011-05-22T09:56:00.001-07:00

I was blown away
Stolen from my home
The girl who took me,
Blew me away with all her hope

She whispered a secret into me
"Please let him love me,"
She said under her breath
With a fickle wish,

Her breath sent me away
The wind carried me for what seemed like miles
I landed in the dirt
And it began to rain

After a dark night
Filled with thunderous sounds and flashes of light
I began to become attached to my new home
I felt myself taking root

Now I stay here
Growing with the grass beside me
Eventually I got tall enough
To see above the grassy blades

I can see my old home
A dandelion sprouting
Not twenty yards from me
So close, and so far

For me to reach it
Would be an extreme feat
For I am attached to this new home
I am grounded, but I am homesick

Sending You Love

2011-05-22T09:55:00.001-07:00

I send you my love
On a string
Hanging in an old oak tree

I send you my love
In a bottle
Drifting in the vastest ocean

I send you my love
In the form of a heart
Waiting peacefully in my chest

I send you my love
In any form you want
Just please,

Please don't break my
Note on a string,
Message in a bottle,
Or my fragile heart

I only have one of each left.

Thanks

2011-05-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

I thought I had betrayed you
But now I look back
Who's the one who put you first so many times
Me.

I looked back upon our memories
Sacrificing days and nights
To prevent your suicidal attempts

I remember it differently than you do
I remember getting you the girl
Helping you find the right tower

I hold those memories fondly
I helped you save the princess
And then you rode off

On your steed
You sped away
Saying how you didn't need me anymore

Thanks for the betrayal
Thanks for the lack of thank yous
Thanks for the broken friendship.

At Stake

2011-05-21T21:15:00.002-07:00

Blissful lies,
Raise your eyes
To meet my own

Blissfully fake
See what's at stake
The fire's burning

Blissfully my toes burn
Raise your eyes
To watch me suffer

Blissful and full of glee
You watch me burning
At the stake like a witch

Just an Act

2011-05-21T21:15:00.001-07:00

I go from happy
To hating your existence
I go from blissfully ignoring
The things you hide

I lose my head
Hear gunshots firing
Out, away, escape my head
Why hide it?

I go from bright-eyed
To a red-eyed glare
Just stop acting like
The friend you were

Ever

2011-05-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever waited
By a foggy window
For the mail

Have you ever been disappointed
By a close friend,
Tried so hard, but still managed to fail

Have you ever broken down,
Gotten on your knees
And cried.

Have you ever?
Heard your mind wail
For the loss of just one person.

Mechanical

2011-05-21T18:54:00.001-07:00

Electric love sent shivers down my power cord
I feel robotic
Mechanically, I pick myself up
From where you left me

Covered in deep gashes,
Broken buttons,
Shattered switches
Mechanically picking up the pieces
Turning knobs into place

Electric love was once my bread and butter
It made my engine flutter
With the wings of holographic butterflies
Mechanically I'm activated
By your voice

You're still here
I thought you'd left
"Welcome back,"
I say mechanically
"I'm here to rip you apart"

Rip me apart?
You already shattered me once
My body is lackluster at best
She reached into my chest and ripped out all mechanics
That kept me conscious

Can't Take the Truth

2011-05-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

Your lies are like arsenic,
Hard to swallow
Even harder to digest

Your thoughts are poison to my heart
Hard to live with
It in my veins

The truth would be better
If you hadn't stored so much deception
Inside my naive head

Bound

2011-05-17T21:30:00.002-07:00

Forever I waited to be put to rest
I lived and died but was still stuck between
Bound by my companions
Made immortal by my sacrifice
Those three live without me

Forever I longed to have them beside me
I lived and died; all alone
Bound to wait for their deaths
They were made immortal by my sacrifice
They will forever live without me

Summer

2011-05-17T21:30:00.001-07:00

Do you ever feel
Like your life has gone
Gone with the cold of winter
How many months before it returns

Do you ever feel
As if your time has been wasted
Wasted by the ideals of other people
How many times have you been told you're wrong

Do you ever feel
Like your soul has shriveled
Shriveled with the cold
Of a winter that is so far off

'Human Nature' and 'Throw Me Away'

2011-05-17T21:26:00.003-07:00

Human Nature

Human nature
Naturally you'd spill your secrets
If you were quite as human as I

The expression goes
You're only human
But is there more than human

Human nature
Naturally you'd tell me everything
Without me even asking

You always say you feel alone
Sometimes I don't even hear the words
I catch you staring at the phone

Human nature
Naturally calls you in
It's only natural you'd want to be with others

Others just as human as you
I see the loneliness in your eyes
So just reach out to me

Human nature
Pulls you closer
But you can't reach my outstretched hands

Don't you wish to be closer?
To me, or to the other people out there
We're all just waiting for that ring

Throw Me Away

I have been many places
I have seen the peaks of mountains
I have watched the desert fountains
Seen the beaches on the coast

But I am still disposable
Toss me away
Use me only once
Why did you make me this way?

I have been farther than you think
I have seen the grassy hills
I have seen California's windmills
Any sight you have seen

I was there beside you
But you threw me out
Used me once
And now I'm sitting in a landfill

We went there together
Remember when we saw Tonto
We watched the river's flow
I thought you'd be here forever

Wasn't I useful enough?
But your treatment was so rough
I thought I'd called your bluff
When I challenged you to throw me away

We saw Little Tokyo
Can you remember half these places we go?
We've seen lakes and even dusty trails
When your legs were about to fail

I revived your strength
I was there to replenish
I went a great length
To relinquish all I had to offer

I was there for you
But I was banished
And now all I see
Are mountains of black and white

You sent me off alone
Is this nay home
For the one that kept you going?
Now all I want, is for you to come back

Singing

2011-05-17T21:26:00.001-07:00

She's singing
He's singing
A couple trapped in endless sin
The guard grabs her lover's arm
Pulls him out of their cell
She calls out his name

She's singing
He's singing
A couple caged in endless sorrow
She reaches out her hand
Through the rusted iron bars
He calls out her name

She's singing
He's singing
A couple trapped in endless loss
The guard drags him away
She falls to her knees
And sings a hopeful tune

She's singing
He's singing
A couple about to lose each other
He is laid before the executioner
He watches as they hold up the ax
He whispers along to the tune she sang long ago

"My darling,
Do you see me now?
Staring this life in the face
I'll always be here

My darling,
I hope you saw somehow
I always loved your silent grace
You keep away my fears"

Empty

2011-05-12T06:51:00.000-07:00

Empty ears
Does the silence consume your mind
Do you feel left behind?
Whats the name of that song

Empty thoughts
Can you recollect those thoughts you had
Did those memories desert you too
What was his name

Empty hearts
Does the stale heartbreak return you to a state of sadness
Can you even remember the name of a lover you once had
What was her name

Empty
Can you fill this space that the silence controls
Did you even try
And where did you go,
Are these the questions you still have?

Leather-Bound Book

2011-05-03T20:57:00.000-07:00

Emaciated face
Just holding on
Loss of life
Now the rest are all gone
To that great beyond
Soon he'll be following along

Dry as dust, a million cracks
His wrinkled skin
A face full of untold stories,
His stories,
Past glories
Each crevice, line and crowsfoot
Could tell the young of this generation
The story of the Great Depression,
The Holocaust,
Or even of the brighter days,
His days

Actual Life

2011-04-30T20:55:00.003-07:00

Writing brings me to life
With the characters I made
To keep my own sanity,
To protect me from the loneliness

Writing shows me death
Killing off the persona's I created.
To divulge into their minds
Is to divulge into mine.

Writing brings me understanding
Making compromises with myself
To keep friendships strong,
To protect me from myself

Writing brings me hope
Trying daily to make things better.
To wish that I could change this for the better
Is to have false optimism.

Writing may bring me all these things
But it can't bring me what I really want
Closer to actual life, sanity and understanding
I can only fake it

Hinting At It

2011-04-30T20:55:00.001-07:00

A subtle hint
Illuminating what seems to me
As blatant yearning
For company

A muttered word
Signaling what seems to be
A flashing warning
Can't you see

A blank expression
Indicating what seems to be
A barefaced admonition
Please just stay with me.

Out Today

2011-04-25T18:21:00.000-07:00

The owner is out today
All I can say
Is you could stay
Wait awhile till he's back

My brain has steered clear
Of the things I fear
I wish I could say the end is near
Wait awhile and see the end of me

The owner of this mind
Is never too kind
And if you should find
A way to revert him back, please tell me

Burning Bridge

2011-04-19T06:38:00.000-07:00

If this bridge has gotta burn
Maybe your hatred is what I earned
Truly you should have set me ablaze
Long ago I came here in a haze

If this bridge has gotta burn
Maybe your love I never truly earned
Watch me burn, my body ablaze
Long ago my body turned to a hazy gray ash

If this bridge had to burn
Maybe this place I never deserved
Truly this fire kept me amazed
And now I'm burned away

Maybe

2011-04-19T06:33:00.002-07:00

Maybe all I wanted was
To be thought of
As a friend,
Brother,
Lover

Maybe I wished to be different
From what I was
The loner,
The one you all hated,
Despised even

Maybe you saw right past me
Through the depression,
The darkness
Maybe there really was a light inside me

Maybe it was just too dim
For me to see
Were your hearts strong enough to find me
To pull me out of this?