Sitting in the middle of throngs of people at the Saturday Farmer's Market, my usual response is mild panic and slight overhwelm. When there is chaos around me and lots going on, I get more controlling of what''s in my sphere, namely these children.
Ick.
It simply NEVER feels good to get irritated, clamp down, get angry, rush and cajole and insist. There's something I'm thinking in those moments that isn't true. That's what suffering is, a confused belief. Going on a hunt for that belief and why it's there and what it means isn't much use. Inviting it to change and releasing it for something better is.
Today, I could feel myself trust Life. That simple phrase changed everything. Life has my back. I closed my eyes periodically to reduce the stimulation and felt much calmer. I kept my attention on the grass under my knees, breathing, the sounds everywhere, and my children racing around. I let myself believe that departure would happen, that things would turn out. That's the "work" part, that's the discipline and the only job for my will. Before I was giving my will the job of changing outer conditions. Actually, that part is not up to me.
With this shift, I felt gentle...and kind. I let myself be who I want to be.
Today, it was something small...a busy market. Someday it will be something else. It doesn't matter, and actually, to Life there isn't even small or big. It's all the same....
Question is...are you gonna choose to trust the grand forces of chaos which made you and these children and this day and is creating every NOW? Or not?
The other night, as I sat alone in the quiet house, letting stillness have a place in my heart, I could see the earth. My perspective floated further back and back until I could see many earths nestled in many universes all stacked up in this infinite spiral.
In each of these universes, on each of these planet earth's is a tiny version of me living a different version of life (as is true for each of you). All possibilities that each of us can imagine, and all possibilities beyond our imaginations exist, like channels. I could see these many versions and I could see that I get to choose which one simply by who I choose to be (facts correspond to who we believe we are).
The resounding call I hear, a whisper in my belly is ...I choose this.
This body, this family, this dying dog. This house, this dandelion yard, this town, this tribe. This sink with dishes, this job confusion, this bank account. This past, this childhood, this uncertainty, this hair.
All of it. I choose this.
And, let me add, thank you to the "this" that is choosing me.
A friend of mine opened my thinking on this one. It is possible to have many best days, more than births and weddings and grand celebrations. Best days can be any day that holds particularly pleasing simple delights. I have already had a few this week.
It's almost impossible not to with lilacs calling out to us "look at me, look at me" everywhere we walk, unfathomable abundances of water gushing down the river, new green leaves smiling at everyone, birds offering up symphonies for free, hands that move, legs that run, a body that feels, and children....perfectly unfolding magical beings that they are.
Yes...already this is shaping up to be another... best day of my life.
hey hey hey
no matter how life is today
there's just one thing i've got to say
i won't let another moment slip away
michael franti
may this day, this moment, this life that you are
be one...deep...bow...
to whatever grand presence
brought us here. may we live up to all that is before us,
most of all the children
we've been given for awhile
by grace itself.
happy mother's day to each of you.
(i love you so much, mama!)
You agree, don't you. What else could have possibly created all of this? When we can breathe in and see it all for what it is, there is nothing else we could feel but utterly amazed and perfectly glad.
The inexhaustable unfolding of Life before us, within us, around us. Right now it's the apricot tulips across the street and the luminous green of the freshly born leaves on every tree, catching my eye. It's the three-and-five-sixths year old with pink round cheeks asleep on the couch in the late afternoon sun. It's how allowing and willingness are the answer to every question.
It's everything we like about what's happening and everything we don't like about what's happening which we later find out happened exactly the way it needed to.
Relax with the will, would ya? Remember when that baby came out? Remember when it was growing inside? Remember how one day a brain was being created and you had nothing to do to "make" that happen? That's what I'm talking about. Our will is not the creative force so don't be duped by the Law of Attraction stuff. It's close, but it's not it.
I'm not pretending to know the secret, although I do know as much as you do which is about a big fat nothing when it comes to pretty much everything. And I also know what you already know within that still, quietness when I let it it.
Intentions are everything and they are not what you may think. Send your will on an errand and then let the intentions come. Let them unfold within you, the way that baby did. Let them show themselves when they are ready. Then bring that will back for the very important job of not wavering from that gazing-at-an-apricot-tulip-moment feeling.
If you want more of this, go here, learn what you can, then come back and let's talk.
Oh my. The theme of my days lately is miracle...miracle...miracle. Some little, some enormous, all of them giving me tickles in my tummy, a sure sign of joy for me.
::Fate Project Musings, this one in particular. Reading through these writings feeds my soul.
::cottonwoods blooming with their scent of sweetness dancing on every air molecule
::practicing yoga at home in the presence of these children, with wee hands patting me on the butt, telling me that looks hard, pulling out the matt beside me. It's real life yoga, to me, part of my ordinary life.
::allowing the ordinary life to be enough, plenty in fact. Simply beautiful.
::this parenting resource...it says it ALL. If you buy it and want to talk about it, yes yes yes! Let's do that.
::not helping my kids do physical things. I've stopped boosting into trees, spotting on the monkey bars, hoisting up ladders. I've told them that when their bodies are ready, they will be able to get themselves up and down and until then, they need to wait. It has been huge. I couldn't stand doing that, didn't feel safe about it, and notice that in this small way, I am encouraging them to learn delayed gratification. This has been on my mind so much lately...parenting in ways that build resilience and patience without losing our connection to one another.
::pressure cooked brown rice and homemade gomashio. Yum.
::popping dandelions out of the grass. Ahhh.
::Looking for signs of magic on the walk to school. Listening to what they see, what small miracles present themselves to small people. Yes.
What is giving you tickles in your tummy these days?
Life is one big paradox.
Stillness doesn't come for me until after a big burst of movement. A run alongside the swollen brown spring river, pushing little miss chatterbug, checking on that osprey nest. A yoga sesh in the studio or by myself in the strangely quiet house, listening to Sharath count me through this insanely fantastic practice. A big ski day gulping snowy mountain air.
Then, stillness comes a knocking. The quiet awakens in my bones. The restless beast inside takes a moment of respite and sighs calmly. It's delicious.
I know it's important, being still. When I settle into it, I can't help but smile. And I remember what I've learned from the Field Center which is that stillness is where choice becomes available, the choice to live in a way that is deeply fulfilling and whole.
Yep. Good stuff.
If, during the first period of life, we create an atmosphere of gratitude around the children, then out of this gratitude toward the world, toward the entire universe, and also out of thankfulness for being able to be in this world, a profound and warm sense of devotion will arise . . . upright, honest, and true.
—Rudolf Steiner, The Child’s Changing Consciousness
If, during the first period of life, we create an atmosphere of gratitude around the children, then out of this gratitude toward the world, toward the entire universe, and also out of thankfulness for being able to be in this world, a profound and warm sense of devotion will arise . . . upright, honest, and true.
—Rudolf Steiner, The Child’s Changing Consciousness