navel gazing at its finest

It Really Is Pretty Terrible, Isn't It?

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 23 May 2012 12:07:00 +0000

I hate it when we sit around the house all weekend, and then I find out there was a bunch of fun stuff we COULD'VE done, if only I'd known about it.

(Except that then, when my kids ask why we didn't go I can use the excuse "Well if I'd known about it, maybe we would've gone! But I didn't know! So get off my back!")

(Not that I would ever talk to my kids that way. Nope.)

(Erm.)

YOU GUYS. I AM HERE TO TAKE AWAY ALL THE EXCUSES.

AND ALL THE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.

(You're welcome.)

Here's some fun stuff you can do in Utah this weekend, for free and / or for cheap.

(No, I didn't get free tickets to any of this stuff.)

(Which really seems like a massive oversight, IMHO, but what can you do.)

(I also pinned some of this stuff on Pinterest.)

(You know, so the 14 people who look at my boards can read about it.)

Awesome thing #1: Free Air Show at Hill Air Force Base. Saturday and Sunday. Gates open at 8, show starts at 10-10:30ish. Schedule here. The Thunderbirds will be there - they're one of the top demonstration air squadrons in the world - and the fastest jet team.

My seven year old is SO EXCITED. We've never been to an air show before, or seen a Thunderbirds performance, despite the fact that we used to live in Vegas, where they're based, and despite the fact that we used to live NEXT DOOR to one of the Thunderbird pilots. (Hey, we had three kids under three back then. We weren't going ANYWHERE with crowds.)

(My husband STILL hates crowds - he will probably be on High Anxiety Defcon Level 9 the entire time we're there.)

...

Awesome thing #2: Ever since I saw Sweet Home Alabama, I've wanted to see a Civil War reenactment. JUST TO SEE. HERE'S MY BIG CHANCE: Camp Floyd Civil War Reenactment It's being held at Camp Floyd in Fairfield, Utah (which is about 20 minutes west of Eagle Mountain) on May 26th - 28th. According to the Utah Valley website, events will include reenactments, encampments, storytelling, stagecoach rides, firearm and cannon demonstrations, marches, drills, 1861 period games, and photos in period uniform. Two dollars per person or six dollars per family.

...

Awesome thing #3: It's the start of the summer rodeo/festival/fair/parade season here in Utah. You folks who don't live in Utah, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. EVERY city in Utah has its own little week of events in the summertime. In Bountiful there's Handcart Days, in Highland it's the Highland Fling, etc., etc., etc. Eagle Mountain is kicking it off this year, with their Pony Express Days.

(I've never been to Eagle Mountain, but I know it's sort of - Westish. West of Utah lake, West of Saratoga Springs. Somewhere over there. Ish.) (My sister lived out there for about six months and I NEVER VISITED HER ONCE. I am a TERRIBLE sibling.) (TERRIBLE.) (SERIOUSLY, THAT IS TERRIBLE.)

ANYWAY.

They're having a PRCA rodeo, fun run, carnival, family fun night, parade, talent show, children's rodeo, concerts, dutch oven cook-off, demolition derby (on June 1st) (WE'RE SO GOING), monster truck rides, etc., etc., etc. Brochure here.

...

Awesome (?) thing #4: Miniature Horse Show in Ogden. I have no idea what this is about, I just thought it was awesome because it reminded me of Little Sebastian. WE are probably not going, but don't let that stop you.

...

Awesome thing #5: Actually that's it. If we're not exhausted and sunburned after all of that, we might also head to a nearby lake to dip our toes in the freezing water, but - mostly that's it.

(We also have really exciting plans to start packing and to scrub bathrooms and do laundry and if you think THAT sounds like fun, well then you are totally invited to my house. COME ON OVER.)

(Seriously. Come on over.)

(help)

My Rage Hole Feels Better Now, Thanks For Asking

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Mon, 21 May 2012 15:19:00 +0000

So here's something my kids and I did recently that I DIDN'T like.

A few weeks ago Jake brought a flyer home from school advertising the Grand Opening for the Get Air trampoline park in Kaysville. The flyer said FREE ADMISSION, so we assumed that meant - well - FREE ADMISSION.

CALL ME CRAZY.

Another bubble said to text something to something for 1 hour Big Air Jump for $5. I thought this meant that there was a special Big Air Jump feature - maybe a special trampoline or high flying harness type thing. But I didn't really pay attention to that because the other bubble said FREE ADMISSION.

Here's the flyer:

What do you think?

Would you assume it was, oh, I don't know, FREE to get in?

So we get there, and we can't just walk in the front door. We are directed to walk down to the other end of the adjacent gym/sport complex. We sign in via an iPad and promise never, never to sue them if our children injure their brains, and we get our first wristband. A vendor tries to engage me in conversation about herbal remedies, but I mumble something apologetic and we walk on by.

We wind our way through the gym, through the store, and then into a large open area. Inside, there's a vendor area where people are trying to sell various crap and services (like milk delivery and memberships and stuff), which seems - bizarre. In order to get to the trampolines we have to wind our way through that area. Spiderman is jumping around on a trampoline in that area (fun) and we watch for a minute, then continue on.

Finally, FINALLY we get to the trampoline portion. It looks amazing. My kids are jumping up and down at this point, SO EXCITED because they can see the trampolines, and they can see the foam pits, and it looks super fun.

When it's our turn to get our wristbands, the girl at the counter tells me that it's $5 per kid, per hour.

I pull out my flyer. "But it says free admission."

You can tell this is not the first time she's heard this today. She says, "That's just to the expo."

"The expo?"

She points over to the vendor area. "Yes. It's free admission for the expo."

I start grumbling, look over at the holding area where people are waiting for their hour of jump time to start and realize now why all of the parents look so pissed off.

But what do I do? We drove twenty minutes to get here, the kids are all excited, and I promised them jump time. So I do it. I pay my money and get the wristbands.

BUT I AM PISSED.

There's a blond, shaggy-haired teenager at the end of the counter and I ask him if I can talk to the manager.

He smirks. "I am the manager." He can't be more than 16.

"You are not the manager. I need to talk to YOUR manager."

He smiles. "I'm the manager."

"Well then I need to talk to the owner."

"I'm the owner." Smirk, smirk, SMIRK.

Ooooooooh.

I am SO MAD at this point. I have a big shiny rage-hole where my heart used to be.

"I want to tell the owner that I don't appreciate his misleading flyer. There are a lot of angry parents here right now."

"Well if you didn't like it, you didn't have to pay. You could've left. Nobody forced you to pay."

I am going to murder him. I am. And it will be worth it.

I practice my deep breathing. I decide it is useless to argue with a twelve year old. I retract my laser eyeballs of death, leave the counter, and follow my kids over to the holding area/line.

I snap at all of the employees I encounter, and passive aggressively mutter about "being CHEATED" and "this is such a RIP OFF" and "Oooh, I'm SO MAD". (Lucky employees.)

My kids go in to jump. I pace around the trampolines and seethe and jump on Twitter.

(Whenever I get really disappointed with a business I go on Twitter and rage about it. Of course, since this is generally the ONLY time I go on Twitter, everyone basically ignores me. But still. I had to vent somewhere, else I die.)

After an hour we leave. The kids are happy and tired. I am still fuming.

I never did find out who the owners were. But I don't really feel like I owe the owners a conversation before posting this. They knew what was on those flyers. They had to know that putting FREE ADMISSION on the front was going to mislead people. They can point to the $5 bubble but - give me a break. They knew what they were doing.

And the thing is - it was so unnecessary. It was actually a pretty neat place. Lots of trampolines all over the place, foam pits, video feeds on playback so that kids can watch the jumps they just did, leather couches and free WiFi for the parents. My kids had a lot of fun.

But you can bet we will never go back.

PS: For those who feel like it isn't fair to post negative things about a business on the internet (hold on for a minute while I attempt to keep my eyeballs from rolling out of my head): When I go to a place with my kids and we like it, I'll say so. When I feel like we've been treated badly, I'm also gonna say so. I realize I have very little power and reach (this ain't Courtney and Spark, let's be serious), but hey, it's my outlet. Sorry Charlie.

PPS: Google "Get Air Kaysville" or "Get Air Trampoline Park" or "Get Air Trampoline". I love the internet.

Before, After

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Thu, 17 May 2012 12:55:00 +0000

My email mostly falls into two categories. Emails asking about my gastric bypass surgery, and emails asking about a post I wrote on another blog - a post I am not going to talk about here. (MYSTERIOUS) I find it almost impossible to answer any of these emails. The emails are so heartfelt. I read them, and I think about them, and I close them. I feel like I have very little wisdom to share. I can give empathy, but that feels hollow.

I think part of it is that I would hate to think that if I gave someone advice they might take it, and I think that if they did, I would then share some responsibility for their choices. My thoughts about everything are so muddled. People want to know if I would do it again, and I think NO. But also yes, maybe. They want to know if it has changed my life and again I think NO, but also yes.

When I look at that picture of me from before, I see someone overweight, but mostly I see someone who was in a lot of pain. A lot of things were broken then, things only tangentially related to my weight - but my weight was a convenient target for my dismay.

If only I was thinner. If only I wasn't so heavy. Then I would be worthy. I wish I had asked myself "worthy of what?" because that question was probably the key to fixing a lot of my problems.

My weight was also a convenient mask. It was easier to think that the only thing really wrong with me was my weight. That if I were thinner I wouldn't have issues in my marriage, I wouldn't have a hard time getting close to people, and that I would have the self-confidence to do all of the things I've always wanted to do. I really believed that. My weight, in my head, was the only thing standing in my way.

I was going through a really rough time. I felt pretty hopeless about a few significant issues. I felt so powerless. Howling into the void, that was me. So when I found out my insurance would pay for gastric bypass, it seemed like The Answer to all of my problems. I felt like someone who had just glimpsed an escape hatch, and I reached up, and I grabbed it.

In the hospital, bad things kept happening. I was getting sicker and sicker and with each subsequent surgery, my condition got worse. My body was riddled with infection, and they called in an infection specialist doc to work on my team. (I had a TEAM.) In addition to constantly checking my levels and working to ensure that I was getting the right medication to combat the various infections in my body, the doctor would sit and talk to me. She believed that stress and despair weakened the body, and that if I could release some of that stress, it would help me to be stronger, and to get better.

She would sit by my bed, hold my hand, and talk to me in the most soothing tones, asking me about why I'd had the surgery, about what I thought it would fix. In my highly medicated, frail, weakened state, I sobbed out some of my most heart-felt worries and fears. I said things to her I'd never even said to myself.

And I started to get better.

People ask if I would recommend gastric bypass. I always say no. Gastric bypass doesn't fix anything. It's like a reset button. It helps you get down to a normal weight (mostly because you are so sick for the first 8 months or so that you can barely keep food down), but after that, you are pretty much on your own. You start to be able to eat again. Sugar no longer makes you sick. You can eat more. Your appetite returns. Your old problems that you always fixed by turning to food still exist. Whether or not you keep off the weight is entirely up to you. That is the whole trick of the thing, I think. You have to use the "honeymoon period" to learn new habits and coping mechanisms. You have to try to figure yourself out.

When one of my friends found out I was having gastric bypass he told me to be careful, that people often went off the rails after losing all of that weight. I can see why. People react to you in a different way - a way that you are not used to. Suddenly that barrier to social acceptability is just - gone. If you had problems in your relationship prior to gastric bypass, gastric bypass isn't going to fix them. You either have to choose to work at your relationship, or it self destructs. (Conversely, if you had a great marriage before gastric bypass, it usually gets better.) Because you suddenly feel powerful. You feel like you are not in a space where you want to put up with any crap (even though your spouse is still putting up with YOUR crap - because, as you find out to your dismay, perhaps your weight wasn't your only fault).

People who have had gastric bypass, armed with new found self-confidence, often make huge life changes - getting divorced, getting married, er, going back to school, switching careers, etc. If you aren't careful, you can easily wreck your life - I have seen it happen over and over and over again. But I love my husband, and I love my kids, and I am not interested in wrecking our lives.

Because it does make you more self-confident. I know that is not what we are supposed to say. We are supposed to say that losing weight won't change how you feel about yourself.

But how can it not? If the number one thing you hated about yourself (whether or not you ever should have hated that about yourself is an entirely different story) suddenly disappeared, wouldn't you feel better? I have talked about this before, about how that little voice that was always whispering in my ear telling me that I should be embarrassed, that I should be ashamed about my appearance, that I should feel uncomfortable when I walked into a room - it was suddenly just gone. To be sure, I have other insecurities, but that particular demon doesn't plague me so much anymore.

I still don't feel pretty. My smaller body is a lot like my larger body. The same pouchy abdomen, the result of four c-sections, the same chubby legs. I look at that picture up there and laugh, because I, unconsciously, am dressed almost exactly the same in both pictures. My hair is the same. You can't see it, but I think I'm even wearing the same pair of sneakers in both pictures. I'm the same, just shrunken down. I still have my natural frown, but now people think I'm conceited instead of merely grumpy.

There was a commenter on the last post where I talked about this. She was aghast that I'd had gastric bypass surgery, that I'd let myself be cut open, that I'd rearranged my guts - all to be thin. What was I teaching my daughters? My reaction was defensive. I ended up telling her to go preach on her own blog, that she could not use my blog as a pulpit for her agenda.

Mostly because she was right.

My kids don't know that I had gastric bypass. They know that I had surgery to fix a stomach problem, and that I got very sick, and that I almost died. They know that they didn't see me for a month. They know that they were terrified that I was going to die. They know that I lost a lot of weight afterward. They know that I can't eat a lot of things now, and that I have to take vitamins, and that I faint sometimes, and that I am extremely hypoglycemic now. If we go on a hike, or even a long walk, I have to take a pack of lifesavers with me, in case I get sick. They know that when I go out walking sometimes Daddy has to come pick me up in the car because I'm too weak to get myself back home.

How do I tell them that I did this voluntarily? How do I tell them that I did this to be thin? How do I tell them what I did and still teach them that their appearance is not what makes them valuable?

My daughter Emma tends to be rounder. She has her mom's body - my rounded tummy, my sturdy legs - and she has her mom's love of food. I worry about her. Not because I care if she's heavy, but because I don't want her to go through the things I've gone through. Society is harder on heavier people. We learn body image related self-hatred. We learn destructive behaviors. We learn insecurity. We learn to accept less than as all that we deserve.

Here at home we don't use the word fat. We talk about foods that make our body healthy or unhealthy, although I think they have already cracked the code and figured out that what we really mean is that if you eat too much you get fat. We try to be really active as a family - to go hiking, to go biking, to go walking. We try to teach her that her body is amazing, that she can do so many fun things with it - like ice skating, and horseback riding, and rollerblading. I don't want her to start to hate her body already.

Lately she has decided that she doesn't want to wear shorts or skirts because, for some mystifying reason, she is self-conscious about her legs. We let her start shaving (yes, at 9) because she was embarrassed about the hair on her legs and I just didn't think that was a hill to die on. If it makes her feel better, then hey. Who cares? It's just leg hair. But she is still embarrassed. I have no idea why. Her legs are just fine. They are normal legs. She is a normal kid. And yet. I know she compares herself to her naturally slender sister. I know she compares herself to the tiny girls that seem to surround her in our current ward. She already has this body shame and it just kills me.

I was talking to her about it, and trying so hard to convey to her that she is amazing. That her body is wonderful and perfect and strong, and that she shouldn't be ashamed of it. That her value is not in her appearance. That none of us will ever have bodies that are exactly the same, and that none of us will ever be "perfect". I showed her that Dove Beauty thing, so that she could understand that even people who look perfect aren't perfect. That every little part of her, even the things she didn't like, add up to make her beautiful, and perfect, and Emma. She nodded and smiled and said all of the right things, but - I don't know if it made any difference.

So how do I tell her how important appearance was to ME? How do I tell her what I risked, in order to have a more socially acceptable body? How do I tell her that I was willing to die in order to look more like what I thought I needed to look like?

I am ashamed of that. I dread the day they find out.

I know that I need to learn to get rid of my own remaining body shame. That I need to stop looking in the mirror and saying that I'm still fat. That I need to stop grimacing at my wrinkles and complaining about my hair.

The truth is that I don't really know how to teach a healthy body image. How to teach her to really see her value, to know that the shape of her body is entirely different from what value she has, or what faults she has - that they are not entwined. My own relationship with my body and my image is so broken - I am such a poor role model for her to have in this regard.

And I know I can't shield her from the messages she gets every day at school. From the insecurity she learns at church. From the aspirational beauty messages she gets when she is watching TV. (I mean, HELLO.)

I don't know what messages she will absorb. It scares me.

But maybe we can talk about being strong and powerful and smart instead of about being pretty. Maybe I can help her to know that no matter what size she is, she is amazing - that she is creative, and imaginative, and brilliant, and beautiful. That even if she is rounder, she is not less than. That she is not deserving of self-hatred, or bulimia, or gastric bypass.

That no matter what, she still shines, so very, very brightly.

PS: We got the house!

Every. Single. Day.

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Thu, 17 May 2012 12:36:00 +0000

I don't think it's legal to live in Utah with children without coming to the Discovery Gateway Children's Museum at least once, but folks in Utah are lucky enough to have a SECOND children's museum - the Treehouse Children's Museum, in Ogden.

I'd heard of it, but was never really motivated to make the drive (GAS IS EXPENSIVE) until Meg came home from a school field trip raving about it.

And with two free passes.

It was pretty great - full of displays and exhibits that my kids (who range in age from 2 to 10) really enjoyed. When we were there, they announced optional staff-led activities every half an hour or so, like crafts, storytime, and a "Partici-Play" - where a staffer selected volunteers from the audience to come up on stage. (See the video clip below. Jake's one of the hunters.)

As you'll see in that vid, the volunteers and staff here are really enthusiastic. REALLY enthusiastic. I think sometimes when you work with kids in a place like this, it's easy to become sort of immune to all of the loud-manic-kid-joy going on around you, but these folks seemed to LOVE their jobs and seemed to love kids. I liked that a lot. I also liked that all of the exhibits worked.

What I don't like is that now, every day, Josh asks to go to the "zeum tweehowse", and then cries a little when I tell him not today.

Every day.

EVERY DAY.

Costs about $6 for kids, but they have a $1 off coupon on their website. Info here.

The Cheap Mom's (That Would Be Me) Guide to Swimming in Utah

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 16 May 2012 13:05:00 +0000

We love the pool. Looooooooooove the pool. I know people think of Utah as a snowy place but it gets freaking HOT in the summertime. All of my family in Phoenix and Las Vegas are mocking me right now, I realize. It does though. Something about the altitude simply melts your face off.

My kids think it's super exciting to explore new pools so we've been to a LOT of them. (I can't imagine what they would do if we ever went to Seven Peaks or Lagoon-a-beach. Probably die of joy-induced stroke. Poor kids. It's tough to have a really cheap mom.) Luckily, Utah has some amazing (cheap) pools and pool complexes. Sometimes I think the various city councils are all staffed by teenagers determined to top each other with the BIGGEST BEST MOST FUNNEST MOST AMAZINGEST pool ever. And then they try. Which works out great for me, personally.

Disclaimer: This is not a list of EVERY swimming pool on the Wasatch Front, it's just a list of some of the pools I think are the most fun. If I missed any good ones, let me know in the comments because WE WANT TO GO THERE.

I will just apologize right up front for the picture spacing in this post. I - I just cannot seem to get it together. Bah. Also, I think all of the pools with indoor components are open year-round but you might want to check before heading out.

Utah County Pools

Lehi Legacy Center
When we lived in Highland this was our home away from home in the summer. Indoor lap pool, beach entry pool with multiple play structures (including a huge bucket that periodically dumps a TON of water on the crowds of kids lining up to be drenched), a lazy river, a hydrotube, a separate toddler play structure with mini-water slides, and an outdoor shallow area for toddlers with squirt guns, etc. $3 per kid.

Lindon Aquatic Center
My gosh you guys, I LOVE this place. It's an outdoor pool complex with a lazy river, a shallow play area for littler kids with a bunch of fun play structures, a lazy river, a huge water slide, a deeper swimming pool, and a Flowrider so you can get your surf on. We love this place. (Stupid cost of gas making it impossible to go there right now, grumble grumble.) $4 per kid.

Orem SCERA pool:
Lap pools, several slides, a bubble couch, a splash pad and water playground, a bunch of play structures, a leisure pool, and a beach entry pool, all for about $5 per kid.

Pleasant Grove Veteran's Memorial Pool
I couldn't find any pictures of the facility and didn't have any on my hard drive. Bother. Warning: This pool gets CRAZY CROWDED. Sometimes they can't let you in because they are already at capacity. $4 per kid.

(Not to be confused with)

PROVO Veteran's Memorial Pool
(Seriously, what's up with the duplicate naming guys? Were they running out of swimming pool names?) Two water slides, play structures, splash pad, deeper swimming pool, etc. $4 per kid.

Payson Pool
Waterslides, play structures, lap pool - and an adjacent skate park where your too cool for swimming teenagers (are there such creatures?) can congregate. Not sure if that is an entirely good thing. About $4 per kid.

Davis County Pools

South Davis Rec Center in Bountiful
This is our go-to pool right now, since it's pretty close to us. The indoor play area (most of the pool complex) is open year-round. They have a lazy river, a lap pool, a huge water slide, a shallow play area with a play structure, and fountains. And a hot tub for mom. The outdoor play area has a pirate ship play structure for toddlers with water slides, and a swimming pool that's about 2.5 feet (I think?) in the deepest area. $3 per kid.

Layton Surf n Swim:
This is so fun. It's a beach entry pool that becomes a giant wave pool every 15 minutes or so. Huge hit with the kids. You can rent tubes there ($3 each) or bring your own. (I think. Don't quote me on that.) We really, really love it. It reminds me of the old Wet n Wild in Vegas. Bonus: It's open year-round. They have an inflatable bubble dome that they place over the entire pool area in the winter-time. No kidding. $4.50 per kid. (Irrelevant side note: Their website makes me laugh. It's like someone's cute old grandma made a webpage.)

Salt Lake County Pools

Fairmont Aquatic Center
This aquatic center has a lap pool, a beach entry leisure pool, spilling bucket, a lazy river, and play structures. This pool is near Sugarhouse (around I-80 and Highland Drive). $3 per kid.

Centennial Park Swimming Pool
This is an outdoor pool. Huge water slides, a lap pool, water geysers, and a water playground. The lifeguards were pretty grumpy when we went. Teen hormones, what can you do. $3 per kid.

Cottonwood Heights Aquatic Center
Lap pool, diving pool, an indoor splash zone with slide and tunnel, multiple outdoor pools and diving platforms (some sort of scary). Super fun. $5 per kid.

Murray City Pool
This is an outdoor pool complex wwith a lazy river, a leisure pool, a lap pool, play structure, a four story water slide, a water playground, and diving boards. $3 per kid.

Northwest Rec Center Pool
This pool just opened on the west side (sort of around the airport) in 2010 - three slides, play structures, lazy river, beach entry pool, lap pool - you know the drill. Josh liked the hippopotamus slide, and my kids loved the big red slide. $3 per kid.

Speaking Of Hobos

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Tue, 15 May 2012 14:23:00 +0000

Ugh.

I think I have a post Mother's Day laziness hangover.

Yesterday was truly painful, what with having to re-enter the real world and actually DO stuff again (like, er, paying attention to my kids, and taking my turn to cook, etc.) instead of just - doing whatever I felt like doing (i.e., reading and staring at my computer for hours).

By 8:00 last night I was snapping at everyone and wandering around the house muttering naughty things under my breath.

(I'm really quite charming.)

Yesterday would've been stressful no matter what though because we're waiting to hear about a house we applied to rent.

(Did I mention we're moving again? Our lease is up. Our lovely neighbors next door moved away (sob) and my kids are pretty lonely in our geriatric neighborhood. We are going to have some family living with us for a while so we need a larger house. And frankly, we need a house with actual insulation. My utility bills would make you weep.)

(My kids are actually EXCITED about the move. We've turned them into vagabonds. We were talking about trying to find another house within the school boundaries, and my kids were like - NO, let's move to another city! We want to go to a new school! We want to be the new kids!)

(Apparently moving around a lot hasn't been as traumatizing as I thought it would be.)

We've already met and bonded with the owners. We're experts at making a good rental impression. We always slip in tidbits about how much we love to work in the yard, and about how handy my husband is, and we ask questions about the ward so that they know there will be no loud, drunken parties, and we make sure to say things like "well back when my husband was a police officer..." and "Pets? NEVER. THE HORROR!"

They totally loved us.

But now we're dealing with their property management company (their cold, impersonal, property management company), and this is the part where I find myself having to explain our finances.

Ugh.

You can imagine how much I love that, I'm sure.

(PS: Why are property managers always such douche-bags? Just rude and condescending and horrible. Every single one I've ever met. It's like a law of nature.)

(Er... my apologies if you're a property manager. I'm sure YOU'RE really quite charming too.)

(In your own way.)

The good news is that we're doing much, much better and have almost all of our debt paid off. (Well, except for what we owe our parents.) (STOP LOOKING AT ME MOM.) (SOON - I PROMISE.) We have good, stable jobs and are making good money now.

Still, it's embarrassing to repeatedly have to lay out your financial mess for someone to review and judge. It feels so personal and humiliating. I honestly don't know if they'll approve us or not and I hate waiting to hear. It makes me seriously crazy. (Just ask my husband.)

It really is a lovely, lovely house though. Big and pretty and with a big yard, in a nice neighborhood. It reminds me a lot of our house in Highland. If/when you see pictures of it, you will probably hate my guts. (People who have been foreclosed upon should not have pretty things! Ever!) My dream would be to rent it for a long, LONG time until we're able to buy again - if that day ever comes.

Anyway.

(Heh.)

I did actually spend SOME time with my kids on Mother's Day. We played some games in the morning (connect four champion of the world right here) and then, in the late afternoon, I managed to convince my children that Heavenly Father sometimes likes for us to visit waterfalls on Mother's Day instead of sitting in church for three hours (shut up, it was MOTHER'S DAY, I'M ALLOWED) (and yes, I'm probably going to hell).

It was pretty awesome.

If you are so inclined, please cross your fingers for us that we get the house. We could use the good vibes. (I figure God probably isn't going to help us much with that on account of the whole church/waterfall debacle.)

Also: Brief, Not Long, And Really Quite Shrimpy

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Tue, 15 May 2012 14:07:00 +0000

On Mother's Day afternoon we decided to try hiking to Lisa Falls in Little Cottonwood Canyon.

(We picked this one because it was fairly close, but there are lots of fun waterfall hikes in Utah, including Bridal Veil Falls in Provo Canyon - check out this lady's blog where she describes a bunch of fun waterfall hikes in Utah.)

This is a short (SUPER SHORT) (like four minutes) hike to a waterfall where you can play in the waterfall runoff. The short hike includes a lot of scrambling over big boulders that my kids thought was pretty fun, but again, the hike is SHORT.

(Did I mention it was short? Because it's pretty short.) (After we hiked in and back we ended up crossing the road and hiking down the Little Cottonwood Trail and along the river for a while because the waterfall hike wasn't quite enough to satisfy our exploring urge.)

The water was slow enough that the kids could stand right beneath it and get wet. The water was freezing - er, as snow melt tends to be. We probably should've saved this hike for later in the summer.

To get there, go straight up Little Cottonwood Canyon, between mile marker 6 and 7. There's a little parking area off on the north side of the road, and a trail right next to that.

FIVE MILLION THINGS To Do With Your Kids This Summer. FIVE MILLION.

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Mon, 14 May 2012 03:29:00 +0000

Well. I mean, it's not TECHNICALLY five million. But still. It's a bunch. 300+. Probably plenty for you, because let's be honest, are you really going to do five million things with your kids this summer?

(Liar.)

I'm guessing you'll probably do around 20 and then spend the rest of the summer praying for the sweet release of ~~death~~ school. Me? I might last a little longer because I'm borne aloft on the wings of my Working Mom Guilt, but still. NOT 300.

Some of this stuff is stuff you would need to do with them, but a lot of it is stuff they can do on their own, because I think kids, given a little nudge, should mostly be able to entertain themselves. (I GAVE YOU SIBLINGS FOR A REASON, MY CHILDREN.)

(None of the stuff in this list is Utah specific.)

(Many thanks to my husband for letting me spend a bunch of time lying around / not spending much time with my children today so that I could write this post about spending time with my children.)

(I LOVE Mother's Day.)

SO. I GIVE YOU:

Pretend they've been stranded on a desert island or in the woods
Pretend they've run away from home (let them pack a duffle bag and actually "run away" - as far as you feel comfortable letting them roam - around the block, etc.)
Pretend they're magic
Pretend they're the Boxcar Children
READ the Boxcar Children
Pretend it’s the zombie apocolypse –what do you take with you? Where do you go? What is the safest spot?
Use masking tape to make "roads" on the carpet for hot wheel cars and then use Legos or blocks to make a village to go with it.
Visit model homes and let them pretend they live in the houses
Learn how to spiderwalk up the walls in the hallway
Sleeping bag stairway sledding (put a mattress at the bottom of the stairs to avoid concussions) (and - I feel obliged to say this - not if your stairs are really steep) (OBVIOUSLY)
Have a tea party (with real food they make)
Play restaurant and let them make a menu and meal
Let them make dinner for the family
Give them cooking lessons (in my particular case, our "lessons" are extremely sad. "OK, THIS IS THE TRICKY PART. Rip open the little packet and pour out the cheese powder. Now - STIR! STIR WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT!" Whatever. They still love it.)
Try cuisine from different lands - have the kids pick the country, study the customs and meals, plan the meal and any decorations, and help cook
Go grocery shopping - give them the list and let them get everything and check stuff off as they go, and let them pay
Have the older kids host a one day camp for their younger siblings - it's fun for the older kids to plan the activities and be in charge and the younger ones love the attention
Start a club. My kids have had cooking club (everyone comes over and helps make various foods), book club, game club, etc. It doesn't really matter what club it is, half the fun seems to be in organizing the club, making the rules, inviting people, etc. It usually fizzles out after about one meeting but they never seem to mind.
Tell ghost stories at night or in a dark room
Play with flashlights
Play ghosts in the graveyard (at night)
Set up the tent and have a late night in the backyard
Sibling slumber party in the family room
Flashlight tag at night
Look for constellations
Build an indoor fort
Build an outdoor fort
Build a sunflower fort
Build a mud fort
Make a lean-to playhouse out of sticks and random boards
Make backyard sandcastles
Dig tunnels in the dirt / make mud forts for army guys
Plant a wildflower patch
Plant a garden and take care of it - put each kid in charge of a specific type of plant
Pick up large rocks/logs and look at the bugs underneath
Catch bugs
Find an ant colony
Collect rocks
Make leaf prints
Make a pinecone bird feeder
Make a sandbox
Play in the sandbox
Make a backyard construction site with tractors and diggers
Build an Inukshuk (house made out of rocks)
Climb a tree
Dig a hole, line it with garbage bags, and make a little pond
Have a race
Host a Backyard Olympics
Nature Scavenger Hunt - race around trying to find one thing that matches each color in the rainbow - ROY G BIV
Create a spring flower collection book
Make a worm bin, catch a worm, and feed it vegetables
Look for shapes in the clouds
Find a cricket
Go on a bird watching scavenger hunt
Make a leaf collage
Paint a rock
Make a log cabin out of twigs
Paint a pine cone
Grow an indoor pea plant or bean plant
Hunt for frogs
Feed ducks
Use window markers (my kids love doing this, especially around holidays when they have a theme)
Rearrange the furniture
Trade bedrooms
Read
Read
Read
Go to the library
Go to a new library you don't normally visit
Play with friends
Extend their boundaries (if you normally only let your kid ride her bike around the block, extend the radius an extra block or two - this feels like a special privilege and lets them enjoy some independence. For older kids, give them a couple of dollars and let them walk or bike to the store to buy something for you.)
Or, if you're uncomfortable with that, as a FAMILY, walk or bike somewhere farrish away that you normally drive to - my kids think this is super exciting. Whenever we do this (which isn't often lately because we live on a super steep hill) they like to pretend they are poor, carless, orphans on a journey. (Er, bring water.)
On ONE day, let them do something they aren't normally allowed to do, i.e., if they aren't allowed to stay up past 8, let them stay up as late as they want; if they aren't allowed to wear make-up, let them, etc.
Spy on someone without getting caught - if you play this at home you can't TELL the person you're spying on that you're playing the game, obviously. My kids usually decide to spy on ME and they sneak around and try to spy on me without getting caught, which usually works out pretty well for them since I am fairly oblivious. Eventually I'll hear giggling and/or see someone darting behind the couch and I'll say, "Uh, Megan?" and then I'll hear "Awwww, DANG it," and I'll know I just busted someone.
Go spy on people outside (We gave Meg a "spy kit" for Christmas with a wig, one of those listening amplification things, a detective notebook, cheap binoculars, and a couple of other doodads.)
Be a detective
Play I Spy
Make a picnic and go on one
Have a barbecue
Swim
Swim
Swim
Play Marco Polo
Play Shark Tag
Play Water Volleyball
Run through the sprinklers
Make a slip n slide out of trash bags
Water trampoline (yes, this is dangerous) (please don't report me to CPS)
Water gun / ballon fights
Wading pool
Shaving cream fight
Water obstacle course
Make mud pies
Swimming lessons
Go to a water park
Go to a splash pad
Go on a boat/canoe/kayak ride
Float down a river on an innertube
Go wading in a shallow creek
Learn to skip a rock
Go to a lake or beach
Wash the car
Have a huge bubble bath
At night, let them take a bath in the dark, but throw a couple of glow sticks into the tub
Hide and seek
Make a treasure hunt - either a simple one indoors or a larger one outdoors, leaving clues around the neighborhood
Make an obstacle course
Play don't touch the ground tag
Roll down a steep hill
Go to an orchard and pick fruit
Teach your kids about money - how to use a debit card, how to write a check, etc.
Teach your kids how to do laundry
Teach your kids how to clean a bathroom
Teach your kids anything
Teach them to fill a bike or car tire (carefully) (obviously)
Teach them how to use an ATM
Play Feather Your Nest - go to Walmart or Target let everyone take a cart, and then let each person "shop" for the items they want to use to furnish their make believe house. They can pick out dishes, groceries, blankets, pots and pans, etc. Then race to put it all back when you're done. Kids love this, I'm not kidding. (Yes, we've gotten some weird looks, but I figure after all of the money I've spent in both places over the years, they owe me some free entertainment dangit.)
Do chores (MEAN)
Be servants for mom (sort of like this) (I'm not kidding, sometimes my kids want me to pretend to be the mean old rich lady and that they are the servants / Sarah from the Little Princess. It seems to make doing their chores more fun when they can pretend to be frightened, etc. I will periodically storm down to check on what they are doing and act crazy and they LOVE it.)
15 minute pick-up - I set the timer and they run around performing whatever chore I've assigned. Something about the race to finish it before the timer dings makes it exciting. I'm not actually sure what would happen if they didn't get it done before the timer rang. SOMETHING. SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS.
If they are fighting and crabby, I put them all on "restriction" in one room, together. They will usually end up playing together and having fun.
Alternate method - tell them they need to clean their room and can't come out until it's clean. Usually this means my kids will play together happily (or at least quietly) for a few hours because they don't want me to come in and realize they're not cleaning. Suckers.
Alternate, ALTERNATE method - if they are fighting and crabby and/or there is too much "mom I'm bored" going on, I let them know that if they can't think of something to do, I will think of something for them. Like reorganizing my bookshelves or scrubbing toilets. FUN!
Go to a historical site, but don't be all boring about it. Help them imagine that they live there. (In Utah we have This is the Place park. We don't go a lot, because it costs actual dollars, but when we do go, my kids love it. They like to go into the various houses and actually pretend to be pioneers. It bugs them when other people are there because it interrupts their game. This is the Place is especially cool because they also have crafts, and pony rides (if you enjoy riding in a circle), and a petting zoo with Really Determined Goats, and a train, and a pirate ship (I am not actually sure how this is relevant to pioneers. Perhaps there is some part of history we are all missing. The Great Utah Pirate Plague of 1889 or something.))
Go to a ski resort, ride up the chair lift, and hike back down - or for older kids, bike back down.
Go hiking
Go to a convenience store and let them pick a treat and/or go get slurpies
Go to an amusement park.
Go to a bird refuge (If you can stand the smell, which personally? I cannot.)
Go to an aquarium (ditto)
Go to a hands on children's museum
Go to a science museum
Go to a natural history museum
Go to an aerospace museum
Go to a botanical garden
I was going to say go to a Fine Art museum, but - let's be serious
Go to a different park every week
Go to a local summer festival / rodeo / parade
Watch a fireworks show
Shoot off fireworks
Go on an art walk
Go watch planes
Go watch construction with heavy equipment
Go to a working farm
Go to a working dairy - they often have tours
Go to a train museum
Ride on a train or a subway. Or heck, even a bus. Kids are easy.
Go geocaching
Go orienteering
Go on a road trip
Go up a canyon
Go on a waterfall hike
Go on a wildflower hike
Go to a sand dune
Go on a scavenger hunt
Go to a drive-in
Go to a movie at the discount theatre
Go get ice cream
Go to a school playground (great place to rollerblade/bike/scooter)
Go to one of those infernal golf/arcade/gocart playlands
Go to a bouncy house / trampoline place
Go bowling
Go to the pet store. (My poor kids. They have no pets. This is because we are horrible pet owners, so we are doing the world of animals a favor and just - not trying it. But they love to go to the pet store to look around. And they always hope. (SAD.))
Go to one of those pottery coloring type places
Go to a play
Go to a concert
Go to a farmer's market (although CAREFULLY - we lost Emma for a while at the super crowded downtown SLC farmer's market and I'm still traumatized)
Go to a yard sale
Go on a nature walk
Go to the dollar store
Go fishing
Go biking
Go ice skating
Go rollerblading
Go to a roller rink
Go bowling
Go to an air show
Go minature golfing
Go to thrift stores
Go for a walk
Go waterskiing
Go wakeboarding
Go on a candy factory tour
Hit up the tourist sites in your city/town
Fix up dolls, toys, and stuffed animals - get the barbies dressed, style their hair, brush the animal's fur, etc.
Make stuff for your barbie house (furniture out of cardboard and fabric scraps, rugs, curtains)
Barbie fashion show
Barbies in general
Turn on the music and have a family dance party
Visit family
Do a secret service for someone - wait till your elderly neighbor drives away, then mow her lawn, or pick the dandelions out of her yard. Or do something at night to make it more exciting.
Make cookies for someone in the neighborhood
Pick a struggling family (if you don't KNOW a struggling family, first of all WHERE DO YOU LIVE, and second of all, LOOK AROUND YOU, and third of all, ask someone) and, with your kids, plan to do something nice for them, secretly. This can be as simple or fancy as you want. For example, you put together a "summer fun" kit for the family - with water guns, water balloons, a punch pass to your local pool, and new flip flops. Wrap it all up and let your kids drop it on their doorstep in the dead of night, ring the doorbell, then run away. Your kids will never forget it.
Play a sport
Play hopscotch
Play a card game (war, memory, go fish, slapjack, speed, etc.)
Play crack the egg
Play softball
Play Simon Says
Play cops and robbers on bikes
Play Red Rover
Play Four Square
Play King of the Mountain
Play Kick the Can
Play Blind Man’s Bluff
Play Red Light, Green Light
Play Mother May I
Play Heads Up, Seven Up
Play Crack the Whip
Play Leap Frog
Play Capture the Flag
Play Follow the Leader
Play Duck Duck Goose
Play Telephone
Play Freeze Dance
Play Murder (THE GAME, although I realize summer may occasionally make you question whether or not to actually try it)
Play the piano and sing
Play kickball
Play soccer
Play tag
Play freeze tag
Play TV tag
Play school
Play a board game
Play with clay
Play karaoke
Play with makeup
Play with a jumprope
Play 20 questions
Play Volleyball
Play Cat’s Cradle
Play dress up
Play with jacks
Play 20 Questions
Play checkers
Play charades
Play croquet
Play post office
Play twister
Play store
Play frisbee
Play catch
Play hot wheels
Play with your toys
Play in a bouncy house
Play on a hopper ball
Play in a boat (when I was a kid we had an old boat - we rarely went out on the water, but we played in it constantly as it sat in the driveway)
Play with chalk
Make slime
Make cookies
Make playdough
Make ice cream
Make snowcones
Make a playhouse out of a refrigerator box or moving boxes
Make artwork to put in frames
Make music with water in cups
Make a kazoo
Make a new kind of sandwich
Make a board game
Make a puppet out of socks
Make a puppet show
Make a movie
Make crafts
Make jewelry
Make father's day cards
Make t-shirts for 4th of July
Make and color paper dolls
Make a model plane/car/train
Make a scrapbook
Make and fly paper airplanes
Make up a language
Make snowcones or popsicles
Make and blow bubbles
Cook an egg on tinfoil on the sidewalk
Origami
Take pictures
Go on a photography scavenger hunt
Pillow fight
Tickle fight (just leave me out of it, thankyouverymuch)
Fly a kite
Take a free class at home depot
Learn to sew
Learn to crochet
Learn to ride a horse
Learn to use a ripstick
Learn to play chess
Learn to blog
Learn to create a website
Learn magic tricks
Learn card tricks
Learn pig latin
Learn to paint your nails
Learn to braid hair
Learn how to tie knots
Learn Sudoku
Learn how to cartwheel
Learn how to do a walkover
Learn how to do a handspring
Write letters/emails to cousins/grandmas/friends
Write a story
Write a song
Write a poem
Keep a journal
Draw
Paint
Fingerpaint
Color
Have a yard sale
Have a lemonade stand
Do a family service project, like picking up litter or joining in a community cleanup
Do a fun run / walk for Charity
Twirl around until you get dizzy
Do a science project
Do a puzzle
Check out a book of plays from library and act them out
Put on a talent show
Take a nap
Become an expert in some topic that interests you
Plan a fun activity for your family to do
Bury a time capsule
Solve logic puzzles or brainteasers
Have an indoor snowball fight (use newspaper)
Make melted crayon art
Have a movie day
Make-up stories starring THEM and tell them at night (my kids love, love, love this)
and
Laze around. It's summer. :)

This Is Me, All Up In Your Grill

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Thu, 10 May 2012 16:21:00 +0000

So THAT'S over with.

In case you missed my epic melt-down in the post I put up and then promptly pulled back down, but which will apparently live forever in my Google Reader feed, I was a TAD overwhelmed for a bit there, what with working, and kids, and going back to school at night (online, but still). I ended up dropping a class, which saved my sanity. Mostly.

I ended up getting As in all of my classes (13 credits y'all) and am in line for a couple of scholarships this fall, so GO ME. The thing I am most proud of about all of this is not that I got straight As but that I FINALLY FINISHED SOMETHING. EVEN IF IT WAS JUST A SEMESTER. (STILL!) (WHY AM I SHOUTING?)

I'm taking a couple of classes online this summer (the new term starts next week, bleeeaghhh), but other than my next math class I think the classes will be fairly easy for me (FAMOUS LAST WORDS) (AGAIN WITH THE SHOUTING), and so I'm not worried. (Much.)

Every day after work now I race home to spend a little time with Josh, then we go pick up the kids from school and head somewhere fun for a while before we head back home to do homework. I know it sounds like I'm crazy busy (and I am) but I really do work very hard to make sure my kids don't really feel that. Ninety percent of the time I do my homework when they are all in bed. (Why am I explaining this to you?) (I don't know?) (And yet?) Josh is probably the only one who has time to miss me, since he's home from 8-2 (hubs leaves at 8) with a sitter. For the older kids, I'm pretty much home when they are, and that is SO GOOD for my mommy guilt. Because I have it. I struggle with it, for sure. And then the weekends are like Quality Time Central, man.

(My house is filthy.)

Anyway. We do lots of stuff together. Some outdoor stuff (people come from all over the world to spend time in our mountains so you should really Go Get You Some of That), some indoor stuff, some free stuff, some nearly free stuff, and some spendier stuff when I have coupons.

(I'm really quite cheap and nobody ever comps me anything, the jerks.)

AND I'M GOING TO START POSTING ABOUT ALL OF IT HERE, YOU LUCKY HUMANS. Because I have no record of doing this stuff. I never print out my pictures so they all mainly exist in Picasa and/or Facebook albums, and if you read my blog you would never really know that Yes, I Spend Time With My Children. And I don't care if YOU don't know about that, but pretty soon my kids are gonna find my blog, and I WANT PROOF that we did this stuff.

This may or may not drive you slightly crazy if you a) don't care, b) don't live in Utah, c) hate children, or d) hate me. In which case WHY ARE YOU READING MY BLOG, the end.

I will still post about other stuff From Time To Time. There are lots of weighty issues I would love to talk about, but I have the mental attention span and energy of a gnat right now, so - you get what you get.

(In vain I tried not to add "and you don't throw a fit" to that last sentence. I'm such a mom.)

I was posting about all of this stuff on another blog (and on Pinterest - which I finally succumbed to about, oh, twenty-four hours ago) (can you say rabbit hole?) but then I realized that was - kind of a waste of time. If I wanted anyone to actually read it. (I think I do.) (Probably.)

So I have a bunch of posts that I've already written that I'm going to post here - THIS IS ME, TOTALLY FLOODING YOUR GOOGLE READER YO.

(I'm so street.)

Anyway. (I have a reader who is annoyed when I use the word Anyway as a sentence. I know this because she emailed me about it. And so. ANYWAY.)

I will probably eventually write about the Same Places Everyone in Utah Hits, i.e., Hogle Zoo (which yes, I love), Thanksgiving Point Dinosaur Museum/Farm (meh - fun but pricey), This is the Place (love), Seven Peaks (wouldn't know, too scared to take four little kids there by myself plus see above re: cheapness), the Aquarium (meh), the Planetarium (yup), the Natural History Museum (YES), and Red Butte Gardens (meh, depends on the season) - but mainly I try to write about other stuff. Branch out a little. And I plan to write about stuff you can do with your kids anywhere/anytime. And then, of course, the same old navel gazing Sue stuff.

PREPARE TO BE AMAZED (and/or slightly underwhelmed and/or bored). (Whichever.)

Man the Mark All As Read buttons everyone, 'cuz I'm doing this thing in 3, 2, 1....

NO BOAT FOR YOU

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 16:59:00 +0000

In mid-summer we love going to Pineview Reservoir in Huntsville. There are camping spots, but we usually just go for the day. Lots of people boat, but we don't have a freaking boat, NOT THAT I'M BITTER ABOUT THAT OR ANYTHING, NO BOAT FOR US, we just content ourselves with shooting laser beams of jealous rage out toward the More Fortunately Boated amongst us.

Luckily, they have a sandy beach area where no boats are allowed (TAKE THAT) and the water is usually pretty warm and calm.

It's so nice y'all. It makes me feel all Southern and relaxed. Everytime we go it makes me want to move to Huntsville.

Info here: http://www.utah.com/ogden/pineview.htm

PS: If you have a boat, I am TOTALLY AVAILABLE FOR FRIENDSHIP THIS SUMMER.

You Can Never Have Enough Castle Parks

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 16:51:00 +0000

This Kaysville/Fruit Heights park is a lot like the Veteran's Memorial playground in South Jordan (seriously, there's a freaking castle park in every county), but I think it's more fun because it has the added bonus of having a woodland area with a creek.

We like to take a picnic then go for a little hike in the wooded area, skip a few rocks, tell the kids repeatedly not to go in the water, relent and tell them they can put their feet in the water BUT ONLY THEIR FEET, relent again and tell them they can go ahead and get wet, and then let them dry off back on the playground. (We're really very strict.)

It also has restrooms, pavillions, and soccer fields.

Directions here.

NOT THAT I'M JEALOUS. AGAIN.

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 16:50:00 +0000

It's a park! It's a hike! It's a park and a hike!

Seriously you guys, rich people have all the luck. Tucked away inside a ritzy residential neighborhood in North Salt Lake is a cute little park, the Wild Rose Trailhead Park, with a pavillion and a playground.

(When we're at the playground with all of the rich people and their tiny dogs I like to speak with an accent and pretend that Yes, I Also Am A Faux British Millionaire. Little trails lead to various parts of the neighborhood. I don't know if this was actually a park feature, or if the rich folk had their servants dig the trails afterward. Potato / Potahto.)

The BIG trails lead you up into the Bountiful foothills. There are a lot of really easy hikes you can access from the trailhead, and lots of great picnic spots.

(Are you sensing a theme here, what with all of the easy hikes? (And the jealousy?) (Just pretend you don't see that part.) Ahem. As to the EASY part - we have little kids. We have to carry the littlest. So easy is sort of a prerequisite.)

Info here: http://www.nslcity.org/facilities.aspx?RID=7&Page=detail

(I didn't take many pictures of the park or the hike itself, apparently I was obsessing over my cute kids. This is Megan and Emma, teaching Josh the hiking victory dance.)

Fox Hellow (Er HOLLOW, HOLLOW, DON'T EMAIL ME) Park

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 16:47:00 +0000

This is a fun park, winter or summer. The playground is pretty cool and has equipment I haven't seen at Every Other Utah Park in the Universe. It has a huge splash pad but it's closed til Memorial Day so when we went yesterday we used that area for rollerblading/scootering/ripsticking. It has a huge field, huge pavilions, and restrooms.

It also provides access to the Legacy Parkway trail, which has always totally confused me.

On the one hand, I get it. Nice smooth trail for bike riding, running, skating, commuting. And if you only look East, it's kind of scenic.

On the other hand, it's right by the freeway and you're inhaling nice big gulps of exhaust the entire way. We lived in Foxboro for about six minutes and I used to rollerblade on this trail and I would always end up feeling slightly ill afterward.

That might just be because I was really fat though.

Hmmm.

Another nice feature is that in late summer there are mysterious white bugs EVERYWHERE. If you live there this doesn't bother you anymore, you just realize that your lungs are probably coated with them. It's like protein. If you don't, well then - GO IN EARLY SUMMER would be my suggestion. Or wear a face mask.

(Oh Foxboro people, I KID, I KID.) (I SAY THIS WITH LOVE.) (SORT OF.)

Info here.

Discovery Trail. I Tried To Think Of Something Sarcastic To Say Here But This Is Actually Pretty Dang Cool

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 16:45:00 +0000

We stumbled on this fun trail completely by accident after we attempted to go to the Canyon View Park in Spanish Fork Canyon and found it closed. (We went to Canyon View on another day and all I really have to say about it is - meh.)

It's a wilderness area with a marked trail, that begins with a sort of a treasure map. Along the trail there are discovery/information stations and exhibits. My kids really loved it. Still seems to be a pretty well kept secret. Absolutely free.

Information and directions:

http://www.fs.usda.gov/Internet/FSE_DOCUMENTS/stelprdb5108835.pdf

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/595094302/Students-go-to-work-on-2nd-phase-of-Diamond-Fork-Discovery-Trail.html

Every Single Free Splash Pad In Utah

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 16:44:00 +0000

Sometimes we like to get wet, but sometimes I'm not up to the whole and-now-I-must-keep-four-kids-from-drowning deal, so instead of heading to the pool we like to hit up splash pads. And we mostly like to do it for free. Because I'm cheap.

BEHOLD. A list of all of the free splash pads along the Wasatch Front that I'm aware of, starting with...

Highland City Library Splash pad and "creek" (info here) (awesome)

(LOOK HOW YOUNG THEY WERE EEEEEP!)

(More splash pad info after the jump)

(Highland again)

Foxboro (North Salt Lake) splash pad (info here)

Gateway Fountains (info here)

South Ogden Splash Pad (info here)

Aaaaand, now I'm tired of uploading pictures, so you just get a list of the rest.

There are other splash pads (like at the Scera pool in Orem and at Red Butte Gardens), but I think these are the only free ones. Let me know if you know of any others.

Willard Bay State Park.

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 16:42:00 +0000

Have you been here yet? It's a freshwater lake with a beach about 50 miles north of SLC. There are free cabanas, picnic areas, and camping areas. I think it cost about $10 to get in.

It gets CROWDED on the weekends, but everyone generally seems to be in a fantastic mood (possibly because a lot of people are drunk?) (I'm guessing?), so at least they are happy crowds.

Although maybe it's just that the heathens come out on Sunday, which is when we went. (TOTALLY KIDDING HEATHENS OF UTAH.) (DON'T EMAIL ME.)

I love it and can't wait to go back.

Info here: http://www.utah.com/stateparks/willard_bay.htm

Wildflower Hike to Secret Lake

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 16:40:00 +0000

Oh you guys. The wildflowers! This is such an easy, gorgeous hike. Technically the hike goes to a (rather underwhelming) (greenish) lake, but you really take this hike for the wildflowers. We went in August and everything was in full bloom and SO GORGEOUS. It's one of our family favorites.

The hike is only about a mile long. It gets a little steep near the end where you hike up to the actual lake view, but honestly, you don't even need to go that far. This would be a fantastic place for family pictures. I need to bribe someone to take our pictures here, it has been years and years and years. (Seriously, we don't even have a family pic with Josh in it. PARENT FAIL.)

You can find directions here: http://climb-utah.com/WM/secretlake.htm

Beep Beep Beep Boop Boop: The Layton Electronic Park

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 16:00:00 +0000

This one is hard to explain, but it's a combo of a park and a video game. You can read about it here: http://techcrunch.com/2009/07/12/young-nerds-rejoice-electronic-playground-coming-to-layton-utah/

We were in the area so we checked it out. The kids all liked it, but Jake LOVED it and went crazy hopping up and down on various pieces of equipment trying to increase his score. It was all pretty cool, but I had to laugh because the part they liked best wasn't electronic at all - it was the spinner buckets

Sippin Cideee Idee-Ider Through A Straw, Tweedlee Dee Ha Ha (Girls Camp Up In The House Y'ALL)

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 15:00:00 +0000

What else would be located right smack in the middle of Ogden but a 152 acre non-profit nature preserve with trails, picnic areas, treehouses, and lakes?

Yeah.

We had no idea it was there either.

We had a great time exploring. It was freezing when we went, and the trails to the treehouses were closed/washed out at the time, but we still manged to find a ton of entertaining stuff to do.

They have educational exhibits and programs designed to get kids involved with nature, and exhibits with wounded birds they are taking care of. I've heard they have summer daycamp and overnight camp programs, but I have no idea how spendy they are and I was too lazy to look it up on their website. I KNOW they have a family campout night with a picnic dinner, group singalong, and marshmallow roast, and I am just nerdy enough to think that sounds really fun.

Costs $2-4 to get in, depending on age.

You can visit their website here: http://www.ogdennaturecenter.org/

SO PRETTY. SO SO PRETTY.

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 14:00:00 +0000

Another gorgeous lake - the Silver Flat Lake Reservoir. This is a few miles up American Fork Canyon. The drive is a little rough/scary (although I admit I'm a huge chicken when I'm not driving) (control issues much?), but it's worth it.

We had a picnic on the sandy beach, then went wading/swimming despite the fact that it was FREEZING. (I think we went in May or June, can't remember.) After a bit of swimming we were ready for a short hike. We only hiked a little way up (we were already worn out) (plus I'm lazy), but you can hike from Silver Lake Flat Reservoir up to the actual Silver Lake (google it, there's tons of information online about the hike). We stopped to climb on a few rocks and play in the river.

You can fish there, or camp (but, somewhat oddly, you can't camp within 1/2 mile of the lake). More info here: http://www.utahfishinginfo.com/utahlakes/silverlakeflat.php

Stay Away From Hobo Huts, THIS MEANS YOU

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 13:45:00 +0000

We loved Kelly's Grove, a park just a tad into Hobble Creek Canyon (near Springville). A shallow river to wade in, wilder places to explore, pavillions to eat at, old school swingsets, baseball/kickball fields - we loved it. We went in the fall and it was SO PRETTY. SO GORGEOUS. In fact, I just wandered around for a while repeating myself about how beautiful everything was. KIND OF LIKE I'M DOING RIGHT NOW.

We went on a hike off in the reeds and found some kind of structure that it looked like hobos had been using. The kids thought that was pretty awesome but my probation officer husband thought it was Dangerous Because He Knows All About What These Kids Today Use Hobo Huts For.

You can find directions and info here: http://parks.springville.org/canyon-parks.html

Random Spot On The Side Of The Road: American Fork Canyon

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Wed, 09 May 2012 13:30:00 +0000

Yeah. Good luck getting there, but man, it was fun.

(I'm a brat, I know.)

Your Clothes May Be, Beau Brummelly

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:05:00 +0000

Do you remember when I wrote this post? About wanting to buy boots but feeling confused and frightened? Erm, FOUR years ago?

If you haven't, go read it.

(It's o.k., I'll wait.)

(Context is important.)

SO.

I think I am finally ready to take the plunge and buy my first pair of actual boots.

(WHAT. I need time to germinate on things, people. I am a germinator.)

(Wait. Can you germinate on things?)

(Maybe OVER things?)

(ABOUT things?)

(Hmmmm.)

Right now my Winter Footwear Collection a la 2011 consists of:

One pair of running type sneakers that I bought in a fit of extremely misguided couch to 5K enthusiasm
One pair of ankle boots (which are fine for wearing under jeans, but am I right when I guess that you probably shouldn't wear them with a skirt?) (Because some Sundays I waver, wondering if that would be acceptable.) (But I'm thinking - NOT ACCEPTABLE.) (Right?)
One pair of actual snow boots (which are fine for shoveling driveways and sledding down our side-yard AS PER ILLUSTRATION but I'm guessing NOT FINE for fashion?) (click to embiggen)
One pair of grandma shoes (complete with fuzzy socks, which - I'm sorry, but Stacey and Carlton can kiss my lint covered left toe - I will never part with them) (I spent the penny)

You're all jealous of my shoes, I CAN FEEL IT.

I was griping on Facebook about the fact that I am now wearing a size 6 (BRAGGY) and yet still cannot stuff my ginormous calves into half of the boots at Payless (NOT BRAGGY) and Carina let me know that I SHOULD NEVER BUY BOOTS AT PAYLESS or I would BE SORRY, SO SO SORRY because they would fall apart as soon as I wore them out in public for the first time, causing people to point and laugh.

She then emailed me a selection of wide-calf boots (that term makes me feel bad about myself) (can't we call them boots for the differently calved or something?) that I could buy online, but I'm nervous about buying anything online, because if I buy them, and they look stupid, then I have to actually SEND THEM BACK, which I will never do (this is why Netflix is still hunting for me), and then I will end up with YET ANOTHER pair of stupid looking shoes. So I need to buy something live and in person.

Since that is the case, where do I buy them? (Shoe stores still frighten me, and shoe salespeople - definitely still the most terrifying people on earth.)

Other things I do not know:

Are we wearing black and brown together these days, or does that ALSO cause people to point and laugh? So like, if I have a black coat (I DO) can I wear my brown boots with it, or do I need to get black boots? But then what do I do when I am wearing brown clothing?
Buckles or no buckles? Do we care about buckles? Is that a thing?
If I buy a pair of boots THIS year am I going to look totally dated four years from now when I get up the courage (and funds) to buy a second pair?
HOW TALL? I mean, what is the optimum height for these-are-my-only-boots boots? Mid-calf? Knee-high? Thigh-high? What will I get the most wear out of?
(I'm guessing not thigh high. That would be sort of - well, not slutty, I'm a little old for slutty, but - sad and inappropriate for sure.)
If I get just under knee high boots can I wear them constantly or is it like with sweaters, where if you wear them more than once a week people will start judging you?
How do I wear them? See, I thought you tucked your jeans INTO your boots, but then - WHY DO WE HAVE BOOT CUT JEANS?
When is it appropriate not to wear socks with shoes? Not boot-related just a general question.
I'm so confused.
DO NOT MOCK ME ON TWITTER CARINA, I WILL HEAR YOU.

SOMEWHAT RELATED, WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THIS?

(I am asking about my electrified hairs, not my wrinkles, shut up.) It's my gray hairs, dyed blonde (actually a strange shade of orange at the moment, SHUT UP AGAIN) and apparently intent upon making the jump over onto somebody else's head. I can't tame them. What do I do? Is there - is there a magical potion I can use? A serum? I have some of that non-frizz serum and it does nothing except make me look like an oil slick.

I also have - some type of putty that you are supposed to - I don't know - rub all over your hands and then run your hands through your hair and - I - I don't know. The instructions are so vague. You're supposed to put a coin (WHAT COIN) sized amount in your hand, then rub it around a little (HOW MUCH), then "work it" into your hair (HOW), ensuring that you've placed almost undiscernable amounts of pasty type stuff in strategic places (WHAT PLACES). As you can imagine, THIS IS NOT WORKING FOR ME.

ALSO NOT WORKING: Spraying hair spray on my hands and trying to smooth them down. This mostly angers them.

So I have a lot of questions, basically.

HELP ME WOMEN OF EARTH.

PS: OH - if you are bored today, I updated my sidebar links to other people's posts. (I know, I shouldn't have.)

Deadly Sins

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 13:17:00 +0000

The other day I was reading an article someone linked to, an article about a bunch of big time bloggers and how much money they are making, and about all of the perks and trips they get, and about how hard it is to deal with the weird sort of fame that bloggers sometimes get.

I found myself thinking "This is a problem?" and "I wonder how neglected their children are" (mind you I was reading this at home, WHILE I was neglecting my OWN children in favor of Facebook (they were playing in the other room, but still, HYPOCRISY, thy name is Sue)). And then I started wondering how they got their Big Break, because obviously it must have been luck and not talent or hard work that sent them plunging over the bloggy tipping point.

Basically I was trying to make myself feel better (about not being blog famous, when HELLO, NEWS FLASH, YOU REGULARLY WALK AWAY FROM YOUR BLOG FOR MONTHS AT A TIME you goon) and was indulging in a bunch of envious and ickily catty thoughts.

(My gosh, aren't you just dying to be my best friend right now? I mean - I'm such a nice person! What with the out of control and nonsensical envy of the people who live in my computer!)

(But it's not just them. I have plenty of envy to spread around.)

(Yes, its a post about envy. It's sort of the opposite of a gratitude post. Why be grateful when you can choke on your own envy, that's what I always say!)

(HAPPY THANKSGIVING!)

I don't mean the harmless kind of "oooooh, I wish I had those pants" kind of envy. I don't wish for people's clothing, or houses, or stuff. I don't wish for their talents or skills. I wish for their good fortune.

I envy the perceived easiness of their lives and the pleasant solidness of their marriages - even though I know nothing is ever really what it looks like on the surface.
I envy women who can just - go to Target and buy a bunch of holiday decorations because they feel like it.
I envy people who go on cruises (and especially women who get SENT on cruises - you know, for work and/or blogging purposes)
I envy women who have throw pillows, because let's face it, if you have the money to buy throw pillows that pretty much means all of your basic needs have been met.
I envy stay at home moms, even though I wonder if I would be able to handle being at home full time.
I envy women who have (what seem to me) only superficial stresses in their lives - like worrying about planning the fall PTA carnival.
Mostly I envy the wisdom they had to make smarter choices when they were younger.

I do this EVEN THOUGH I KNOW that not all is as it seems, that you never really know what is going on in someone else's life - what secret burdens they have.

I'm not drowning in it. It isn't constant. I just think it would be nice if, when I hear about someone's good fortune in an area where I am not personally excelling, if my first response was not a jealous "harumph". That is what I would like. I like to think of myself as a nice person and nice people do not have this as a default emotion, am I right?

When I realize I'm doing it, I try to just - KNOCK IT OFF. But so much of it is unconsciously done. Sometimes I start off feeling just a little wistful, then suddenly I'm feeling the kind of envy where I'm so resentful about someone else's good fortune that I wish somebody would take them down a peg. The kind of envy where I look at someone's perfect life on their blog and feel the urge to leave a snarky comment. (I don't do that. But sometimes I feel the urge.)

(I took most of those kinds of sunshiney lifestyle blogs out of my reader because they were making me crazy. What is the point of comparing yourself to false perfection? Or even real perfection? Nobody's life is a storybook all the time. It's guess it's bloggy escapism and some people enjoy that kind of thing. I've had to realize that I don't. Not at this point in my life anyway. I have no patience for it, and I'm happier when I don't subject myself to it. I feel less envious when I'm not regularly peeking into the lives of women who seem incredibly fortunate.)

And yes, I know what you are supposed to do to get over feeling envious - be more grateful, concentrate on the good in your life, help those who are less fortunate, etcetera etcetera ETCETERA. I know it.

But it's something I still struggle with. (I like that word, struggle, because it means I'm fighting against it.) I'm happy for those of you who have already conquered it. Good for you. Please don't tell me all about how you are perfect in this regard or I will be forced, just on principle, to hunt you down and kill you.

(And my gosh, it is so easy to identify it in other people, isn't it? Talk to a few other women who are being catty and jealous for a while and you end up feeling like you need to go home and take a shower because the envy is so obvious and blatant. But I think it's harder when it is just you, inside your head, being a jerk to the other people inside of your head.)

I probably shouldn't be confessing this. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who is petty and envious. (Although, looking on the bright side, in real life I would never actually ADMIT that I was petty and/or envious. In real life I would rather die than admit to feeling anything remotely like that. In real life, around my friends - not necessarily my sisters, they know more of my true nature - I try not to ever indulge in comments about other people that convey anything other than sunshine and good will, because, HELLO, it is something I'm ASHAMED OF.)

But it's also true.

(I feel like putting something really dramatic here like, AND IT STOPS RIGHT NOW, but who am I kidding. It might stop. Sort of. For a day or two. Maybe. Ish.)

(But you know, work in progress.)

I'm Glad He Didn't Suggest I Buy Fava Beans, That Would've Really Freaked Me Out

noreply@blogger.com (TheOneTrueSue) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 21:00:00 +0000

Yesterday I had the day off and I made the mistake of wearing a sweater so I was feeling rather cozy and earth-motherish and decided that a really great way to spend my morning would be to make chili.

From scratch.

(Half of you are thinking “oh, how nice - chili” and the other half of you are thinking "oh great is this a COOKING blog now?", and the other half of you (it's the new math) (just go with it) who have read my blog for more than ten minutes are thinking “Oh dear - this won’t end well”.)

(See: Exhibit A.) (Or, oh geez, Exhibit B.) (See also: recent Facebook status update: "When your crockpot recipe for barbecue shredded chicken says that it should cook on low for 5 or 6 hours, do not mentally translate that in your head to "cook all day" and then put everything in the crock pot at 5:30 in the morning before you leave for work. Because by the end of the day, what you will have my friend? Is CHICKEN SLUDGE. And once again your family will be forced to eat the sludge while make encouraging faces, lest you give up the cooking battle entirely and force them to eat peanut butter forever.")

(Followed by my own exasperated follow-up comment: "I just - DO NOT UNDERSTAND why I can't follow directions. I'm a tech writer. I WRITE DIRECTIONS FOR A LIVING. IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS DIFFICULT.")

(AND YET IT IS.)

(Although I believe I come by my cooking quirks naturally, AHEM.)

Anyway, Josh and I ran to the store to buy a few things for the chili, namely: ground beef, chili powder, two onions, a green pepper, a clove of garlic, a can of tomato sauce, two cans of kidney beans, two cans of diced tomatoes, etc., etc., etc., and the whole time I'm muttering to myself that I should just go put all of that stuff back and BUY A CAN OF CHILI because WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE IT ALL COMES FROM A CAN.

Also, I'd left my list at home on the counter, so I was buying things based on the list of ingredients in my head and I wasn’t sure what kind of tomatoes to get. Or what kind of beans. Or what kind of spice type items (which explains how I ended up buying nutmeg) (nugmeg in chili - it's all the rage these days).

But I PRESSED ON, you guys. FOR THE CHILDREN. (The ungrateful, ungrateful children. When I set the bowl of chili in front of Jake at dinner time he immediately made a face and started to whine about it, and I told him that if he didn't quit it IMMEDIATELY he would be going to bed with no dinner, and the expression on his face indicated that wasn't much of a threat.)

Anyway, when we were done shopping we went to check out and nothing was open but the self-check and I HATE the self-check, I LOATHE it, I wish it dead.

Because:

It's way too time consuming
It's hard to simultaneously check yourself out and keep your two year old from fulfilling his One Great Desire in Life (to lick the grocery bag carousel), and
That stupid bagging thing is just so freaking suspicious. "Put the item in the bagging area." "Please put the item in the bagging area!" "PUT THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA." I leave feeling all stressed out and disrespected and cynical about the world.

Anyway, I started checking myself out, and as I’m doing it Josh is retrieving things from the bagging area and putting them back in his little cart (self-check register: MA’AM, I’M NOT KIDDING, PUT DOWN THE MUSHROOMS AND BACK AWAY FROM THE REGISTER) so it's taking a while and I'm starting to escalate from born-in-Utah swear words to the actual kind. Fortunately the attendant sees me struggling and since she is not busy she comes over to help.

Meanwhile some guy with two non-produce type items in his cart comes up behind me and stands there.

Attendant: Sir, this is the self-check, you can go ahead and use this register over here.
Guy: I’ll wait.
Attendant: You don’t need to wait, you can use the self-check.
Guy: Nah, I’d rather have you do it.
Attendant: DEATH GLARE
Me: torn between thinking he’s a jerk and bonding with him based on our mutual hatred of self-check

The guy starts asking me if I’m making chili, and I tell him, yeah, I hope so, and I explain that I forgot my list and I’m not sure if I got the right stuff or not, but hopefully it would work out, jabber jabber mindless jabber.

The guy tells me that if it would help, he has a great recipe I could take a look at.

OUT IN HIS CAR.

(Because, sure, that’s where everyone keeps their chili recipes – IN THEIR VEHICLES.)

Do I want to come take a look at it by any chance? Hmmmmmm?

I don't know why my fairly large and healthy fear of serial killers hadn't kicked in yet - maybe because he was wearing a Hogle Zoo sweatshirt and everyone knows that serial killers don't wear sweatshirts (too obvious) (they stick to flannel and/or business attire).

I was thinking that he was – I don’t know – awkwardly trying to be friendly or something so I just shook my head and tried to insert my money into the stupid bill collector thing (which is not something you should attempt when you are frazzled).

The guy kept going though, saying stuff like, “well, o.k., but it’s a really great recipe,” and “are you sure you don’t want to check to see if you have the right tomatoes” and "I won the chili cook-off last year" and “it’s really no trouble - it’s just right out there in my car”. (Probably the same car where he keeps his collection of knives and ice picks and dessicated eyeballs.)

I ended up looking him in the eye and saying, "No thank you!" fairly aggressively and loudly, (at which point he held both hands up in the air like, "hey, I was just trying to be helpful") (but you guys, he totally wanted to kill me and feed me to his rabbits, I could tell), and since I'd called attention to his creepiness, he had no choice but to abandon his plan to secretively get me out to his car, hack me into bits, and make me the newest secret ingredient in his award winning "chili".

Anyway, we got out of the store, made it safely to the car, and sped home, where I said a little prayer of thanks, got ready to cook, and dammit all if I didn’t have the wrong kind of tomatoes.