Navigating Together

Gay Life in Rural Vermont

G. Scott Graham — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 02:21:08 +0000

So here we are in rural Vermont. Giving advice to everyone and their brother about gay relationships.

Many gay people who shudder at the thought of living so remotely: 45 minutes to the nearest fortress of box stores -- Wal-Mart, groceries, K-Mart, etc. Many gay people would fear that they would be alone.

Guess what?

Straight people -- single -- or couples -- are alone -- in rural areas.

We have community.

I am on the Fire Department. A volunteer. I am connected and feel support from other people on the Department. They could care less that I am gay.

I am the Town Constable. I am a Lister with the Town. Both are elected positions.

We live on 110 acres of remote forest land. We own a tractor, an excavator, 2 guns, 2 dogs, 2 potbellied pigs and 3 chickens (we had more but they were taken out by a fox this summer).

We have no cable TV or Internet access -- if you want it in our town the only way to get it is through satellite.

I am a vegetarian. My partner is not.

(He smokes cigarettes. I go hiking -- http://hikeswithscott.com)

We struggle -- like anyone struggles in this world today -- but we are happy.

Isn't that all we can expect out of life?

I hope you are happy.

If you are not, give me a call at 802-380-1026 and lets talk about how you can get your bearings and get going!

Personal Trainer Certification

G. Scott Graham — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 13:38:47 +0000

PRESS RELEASE

9/20/08
G. Scott Graham
802-380-1026
sgraham@trueazimuth.biz

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Life Coach Receives National Certification

Scott Graham of West Fairlee, Vermont successfully completed the examination process with the National Federation of Professional Trainers and has received Certification as a Personal Trainer. The certification will allow Graham, a relationship and personal coach, to better serve clients by integrating healthy lifestyle recommendations into the coaching process.

"Most people readily acknowledge that our personal life impacts our relationship life and vise versa and this interaction is a significant focus in my coaching practice," says Graham. "Certification as a Personal Trainer allows me to take this one step further: how we treat our body impacts our relationship life and our relationship life impacts the choices we make to take care of our body."

According to the Mayo Clinic, regular exercise helps not only to combat chronic disease and improve heart and lung capacity but it also enhances sleep, improves your mood and gives you more energy. What person committed to a insuring and building better relationship with their partner wouldn�t want that?

True Azimuth, LLC, headquartered in West Fairlee, Vermont, began offering business, personal and relationship coaching in 2006. For more information about the coaching, call Coach Scott at 802-380-1026 or go to his website, http://TrueAzimuth.biz.

The National Federation of Professional Trainers, headquartered in Lafayette, Indiana, has been certifying personal trainers since 1988. Their Standard Personal Trainer Certification program curriculum is currently being taught in several colleges across the country and their Certification process has third-party accreditation through the National Commission for Certifying Agencies (NCCA) accreditation

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Time Capsule

G. Scott Graham — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 04:00:00 +0000

Early on in our relationship, Brian & I decided we needed to create a ritual to celebrate our commitment as well as be a role model for others.

Role model was not the word we used at the time. We wanted to let others know two men could have a loving, committed, monogamous relationship. We used the word "prove".

We also wanted others to celebrate our commitment with us.

Trouble is, there are not the support structures / public rituals in place for gay couples like there are for straight couples.

We didn't want to do some knock-off or impression act either.

What to do?

After some consideration and discussion we decided upon a Time Capsule. We would create a Time Capsule every ten years. Then for our 50th Anniversary, we would have a big party to crack open the first four and build the fifth. Core to each Time Capsule would be letters from people currently in our lives.

Notice its not letters from friends that we are seeking to include in the Time Capsule. Not that we don't want letters from friends - we do. But we decided we would not seek out long lost friends for letters. We wanted each Time Capsule to be a reflection of our lives at the time each Time Capsule was created.

It was the perfect solution. First it created a way for people in our lives to celebrate our commitment as a gay couple. They wouldn't need to remember. They would be reminded when we asked for a Time Capsule letter.

Second it created a way for us to educate our world about our relationship. How awkward is it to go up to someone and say, "I've been in a gay relationship for 20 years, would you like to congratulate and celebrate with me -- where's my card?" How much easier is it to say, "We are building a Time Capsule and I was wondering if you'd like to write a letter." They will inevitably ask, "Why are you assembling a Time Capsule?" and the conversion naturally flows and opens up.

Third the process intrigued people and brought them together around the topic of gay relationships -- particularly when they heard our plan to have a big party for our 50th Anniversary to crack open the first four Time Capsules and build the fifth.

A gay couple? Together for 50 years?

You bet!

Accept things as they really are...

G. Scott Graham — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 04:00:00 +0000

On the Vipassana Retreat the teacher kept repeating this phrase, "Accept things as they really are not as you would like them to be."

This is not just a perspective to bring to meditation, but a perspective to bring to life. Certainly it is a perspective to bring to one's relationship.

We meet someone, fall in love, create this image of them in our heads - which may or may not match up with reality - then propose a commitment of some sort - dating, moving in together, marriage / civil union / legal agreements.

Then we create this image of a life together in our heads - which may or may not match up with reality.   We build a whole story where we are the star and all our wishes come true - which may or may not match up with reality.

If you are like most couples I know or have worked with, you don't discuss this idol you have built of your boyfriend -- you don't discuss the stage play you are writing with you as the star. But you act as if what is in your head matches up with reality. And you get so agitated whenever anything goes against this.

He is great. I just wish...

     he didn't smoke cigarettes
     he didn't smoke pot
     he'd lose weight
     he'd like dogs
     he'd share his feelings more
     he'd go out more
     he'd be into the outdoors

The list goes on.

And on.

And on.

"Accept things as they really are not as you would like them to be."

Now I am not suggesting that you turn into jelly and let your partner walk all over you. Communication & compromise are key elements in a relationship.

I am suggesting that you talk and share your images and screen plays so they match reality - working out the differences. Asserting yourself. In the infancy of your relationship. You will avoid so many problems.

Vipassana

G. Scott Graham — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 04:00:00 +0000

I recently completed a Vipassana meditation course. Ten solid days of practice. Solid because when day one starts at 4:30am, you are in the meditation hall practicing. Solid because when day ten ends at 9:00pm, you are in the meditation hall practicing. Truth be told its really twelve days. You arrive at 4:00pm on day zero for room assignment, unpacking and orientation -- formally starting at 8:00pm. You leave on day eleven after morning practice and closing dhamma talk.

Its hard work - but so beneficial.

I am so grateful to be in a relationship with a man that not only accepts my spiritual path, but supports it. And not just with words.

Twelve days (eight business days) is quite a chunk of time to be away in comunicado (there is no outside communication during a course -- you can't even talk to others on course -- no reading, writing -- just meditation). Besides managing our household solo, Brian manages incoming calls for coaching, trainings, etc., that I get while away. Plus the financial impact: as a self-employed business coach / relationship coach / life coach, being on a a Vipassana meditation course for twelve days means no income for twelve days.

And I have been doing this twice each year now: sitting a course in the Spring and serving a course in the Fall. (Each course happens only through the generosity of time by old students like myself).

That means twenty-four days each year. Almost one month.

His support consists of so much more than words.

I am so grateful.

This support is one of the keystones in our relationship. We make no effort to keep the ship tied to the dock instead we put energy into making our ship sea worthy so it can withstand high seas and and monitor the weather of our relationship to navigate around storms.

So many couples are out to change each other:
"You need to do this."
"You need to do that."

There is little room for the individual's personal path.

I think that comes about from fear. The fear that our spouse will meet someone else -- someone better. Or that our spouse will change and leave us behind.

These couples put all their energy into keeping the ship tied to the dock instead of putting energy into making the ship sea worthy so it can withstand high seas or monitoring the weather to navigate around storms.

Other couples pay no attention either way. They put no energy into keeping the ship tied to the dock nor put energy into making the ship sea worthy so it can withstand high seas and monitor the weather to navigate around storms.

Three different models for support. Three different outcomes.

Which describes the type of relationship you want to be in? And, more importantly, which describes the type of relationship you are in?