NBhAte

Basketpoop

2014-04-28T11:45:00.004-07:00

Normally I speak of how shitty the league is, but today I want to talk about how league-y shit is. And by that I mean player's that can be translated into particular types of poop.

For example: The Tony Parker = The floater poop. Tony Parker is known for floating shots over tall men in the paint. This poop is known for floating to the bowl over your taint.

You get the idea. Anyway here we go.

The Pacers = This is the type of poop that disappears. You look at the bowl, and there's no poop to be found. You swear that it was there, you felt it, but when you looked, it was gone.

The Blake Griffin = Messy, and goes hard to the hole. It doesn't have the most eloquent moves, but it goes hard and fast, making a mess on the way out.

The Rocket = A team that doesn't perform well on the road can only mean a person who can't poop on the road. Can't get a road win because you're scared of someone walking in while cutting a rope? Man up!

The Deron Williams = When you blame other people for your inability to poop. "Nick made a shitty dinner, and now I'm all constipated and shit."

The Sterling = When you get very concerned by the different colors of your poop.

The Stephen Curry = The long range dump. Mostly happens when in fear of putting your precious cheeks on a public toilet (usually a porta potty). Mostly used at fairs, beaches, and sporting events. You squat above the target, and let it fly.

The Laker = Diarrhea

The Black Mamba = Long dark snakish type of poop. Usually occurs after a Halloween party.

The Garnett = Makes you talk a lot during the poop. You'll find yourself cursing, and swearing in pain during the pooping process.

That's it for now, I might update the list later after hearing some ideas from you guys.

Best and Worst of Playoffs (Commercials)

2014-04-22T23:21:00.001-07:00

Good: Damien Lillard. Sweet new shoe contract with Adidas bro. What is this? 1994? No but really, the commercial is really good. You got football and a basketball legend (sorry Chris Webber). And Damien's acting is waaayy better than Derick Rose's, and all D-Rose needs to do is read a cue card. You win Damien!

Bad: Stephen Curry. When you're not piggybacking off of Chris Paul's StateFarm commercials, you're doing ...deodorant?! And they're not even funny commercials like Old Spice. They're a very serious, "If you work hard, you will improve," commercial about not having smelly pits.

Ugly: Amazing Spider Man 2. The Spider-Man commercial helping the TNT cast is embarrassing. For one, I hate all the movie tie-ins the NBA does during the playoffs (Van Helsing still being the worst, followed closely by the Fantastic 4). But you can't feed into the stereotype of black people being late to work. Kenny Smith is running late so Spidey swings in and delivers him to work on time? Did they stop at Waffle House for some food too? Eat shit.

Quick S/O to Craig Sager

2014-04-17T23:16:00.001-07:00

Craig Sager has acute Leukemia, and I hope he gets well very soon.

I know there are haters on the internet that will say something about Craig and his suits...but that's why I love the dude.

Though being told a thousand times to never wear those "ugly" suits again, that man has created a niche for himself.

Hey man he should stop wearing those suits! They're fuxkin uglyy bro!

Hey man, you should own a suit. Or have anyone care about how you look besides your fat mom.
Craig knows what he's doing.
He's trolling you good, looking good, and doing good.
I hope you feel good soon Craig.

SIXERS SUx0RS

2014-03-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

If you remember back to the beginning of the season the 76er's were undefeated. A big 3-0 record, including beating the Miami Heat.

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

The 76er's have lost 26 straight games. That's pretty impressive considering the league is fucking terrible right now. Imagine if the 76er's were playing in a time when being 12 games under .500 didn't put you in the playoff hunt (Knicks).

I guess what's even more impressive is that the 76er's aren't the team's worse league. Nope, that honor still goes to the Milwaukee Bucks, who have been miserably sucking since the beginning of the season. Hey Philly, if you want to suck, do it right, do it from the beginning of the season. At least be consistent, geez. You can't even be the best at being the worst.

And there's a pretty good chance the Bucks will continue to be the league's worst, especially with an out of shape OJ Mayo jacking up shots (OJ Mayo may never get back into shape ever again).

Good luck Philly. Here's hoping you don't win again this season.

Andrew Bynum Out Indefinitely

2014-03-21T16:56:00.001-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

Identity Crisis

2014-02-09T17:46:00.001-08:00

Here's another saying that the NBA feeds us while watching a struggling team that really grinds my gears.

"The New York Knicks (or place another shitty team here) have been really struggling to find their identity this year."
Which in other words means, "You suck".

There are no direct excuses to reason why this particular team is as bad as they are. There are no injuries, no problems (besides them sucking dick too) in the front office, and the coach is probably just as helpless. So instead of an announcer outright saying this team is fucking terrible, they say, "They are really struggling to find an identity".

And how much weight can this statement carry near the All-Star break? Halfway through the season and teams are still searching to find an identity? More like they're searching to find their own assholes. If you haven't found an identity its code for you don't know how to play with the other teammates on your team.

Here are a few players that will strip your team of an identity and all hope.
-OJ Mayo
- Melo
- Dwight Howard
- Utah Jazz
- Josh Smith

I guess this cold also be a blog entry about being less selfish, but whatever, it's the NBA, where selfish happens.

Bucks Sucks

2014-01-31T19:36:00.001-08:00

Normally I don't like trashing my Bucks, but they suck. Real bad. Super bad.

The main purpose of this small entry is to pose a simple question.

Will the Milwaukee Bucks reach 10 wins by the All-Star Game?

They're at 8 wins right now. 8 win's in 16 weeks of basketball. So I suppose statistically they need 4 more weeks to get 2 wins, which they don't have...so they may not make it...but luckily they play in the crap-filled-the-brim-of-the-bowl East.

*Side question - will a team ever give Avery Johnson another job? I don't think I can take the Roach's "analysis" much longer.

The Harlan Shake

2014-01-24T10:47:00.000-08:00

There's an announcer named Kevin Harlan, and if you're sucker enough to watch the nationally televised games you've probably heard his voice.

"From the outside, BANG haha wow!"

"Oh he does it again, haha!"

"He's on a roll haha"

"haha OH what a pass!"

Yo Kevin, what's up with the chuckle? Nervous habit? Excited? Or are you laughing at the fact we've just wasted 3 hours of our lives watching this piece of shit on TNT/ESPN.
Regardless, Mr. Harlan seems to let out these chuckles.

Maybe someone could start a drinking game, with each laugh you need to take a sip of purple stuff in hoes that you pass the fuck out and don't need to watch the rest of the Heat and Lakers. zzZzzz.

The NBA Sucks

2014-01-22T09:07:00.002-08:00

Here's your friendly reminder that the NBA is fucking terrible.

And right now it's at an all time low. Injuries stacked upon injuries, people ain't given a fuck (The Heat) and fans that are for some reason still buying tickets to games.
- real quick, I saw some HBO special last night about the Sacramento Kings and some Indian dude that bought the team to keep them in the area because "that's all they got up there." And the analogy Kevin Johnson gave was if someone took Ford Motor Company out of Detroit?? Seriously!?? That much of the economy and overall health is determined by a forgettable Western Conference team? I've been to Sac Town (beautiful city, just don't eat at Jaspers)

Anyway.

Lets look at the games for tonight.

Pacers v Suns - Would be a cool game to watch if Bledsoe wasn't injured.

Spurs v Thunder - Would be better if Westbrook was there to smash on Tony Parker. I hope Popavich sits his stars.

Bulls v Cavaliers - STINKS!

Magic v Hawks - DEATH

Mavericks v Raptors - Sucks for Texans and Canadians.

Celtics v Wizards - Isn't the blizzard bad enough?

76ers v Knicks - Can we just send the entire 76er team to the D-League?

Kings v Rockets - Dwight Howard doesn't like basketball, and the Kings play like they don't.

Pistons v Bucks - Depression.

Don't Apologize

2014-01-20T15:37:00.001-08:00

All this talk about Sherman (I know its football but it happens a lot in the NBA too) and his post game comments got me thinking about a few things.

1. Don't apologize. You said it homie. No need to go on twitter the same night or following day and tweeting out your apologies in perfect grammar about how you're not that person. Because.. you kind of are that person. You said it, and you know what? We would like you a lot more if you just stuck to your guns and say what you mean. Like Stephen Jackson. He's about dat life. Which brings me to my next point.

2. Don't Judge? I hate when people say that. "Don't judge me because of that incident..." Okay, so when are we able to judge? Not by your actions but by the things you say and want people to think? If your actions are a reflection of your character, and your actions make you look like an intolerable jackass.. then your character is probably near close to an intolerable jackass.

3. I love it. I wish there was more of this stuff going on. It would bring the WWE closer to mainstream professional sports. The NBA was most watchable and exciting when everyone fucking hated the Heat and LeBRON. Now he's won 2 championships and it's boring. It was best when every stadium was selling out in hopes of seeing their mediocre team shock the conniving Heat.
I want a team to win, and get on the mic and talk some major shit. None of this, "They're a great team, and we're lucky to come out of this with a win" bullshit. I want 2000's Trailblazer style "Fuck'em, they aint shit against us homie. They couldn't buy a bucket naw mean? haha Swagger cuh."

Suns and Blazers...and the East

2013-12-24T13:13:00.001-08:00

Yes! Thank heavens for the Blazers and the Suns. In a league that is more predictable than a season of the Bachelor, it's good to see some spontaneity. The Blazers are by far the league's biggest surprise, meanwhile my Suns are just a little bit less of a surprise, but a surprise nonetheless. The pitiful thing about the Suns being a "surprise" is that they're not even that great. They just don't majorly suck like most of the experts picked (myself included). They're winning most of their games off of speed alone, which is great to watch. When they came to LA they basically ran the Lakers out of the arena, which isn't saying a whole lot, but it's still impressive.

The Blazers meanwhile are no longer the FailBlazers. And Damien Lillard is the nastiest dude in the league right now. The reason I bring up both the Blazers and the Suns in conjunction with the East is because if either of these teams were in the East they would be killing! The Blazers would be at the top with the Heat and the Pacers, and the Suns would be a 4th seed*.

Which brings me to my next point, the East is fucking pathetic.

I don't have the standings in front of me but off the top of my head I believe both the Nets and the Knicks are some where near the bottom of the East. In fact I don't think they're in the playoffs. If they are, they're 8 or 9 seeds. How sad are the Bucks? Worst team in the league, god damnit. The 76ers have completely taken a shit like I knew they would. Chicago is out for the season. Are the Wizards still a team? They should really be contracted, or combined with the bobcats. That would be interesting. Two worst teams in each conference get combined to make one mediocre team.

West: Jazzy Kings
East: BobWizards.

Twitter Attack: Tyreke Evans

2013-11-08T19:25:00.005-08:00

Sometimes it's better to let the public do the talking for you.

Real Tweets
*SMH = Shaking my head

‏@LArryKING_Live

Tyreke Evans is killin me. Dude is much better than this

@DamnNearWhite: (Nice Name)

Tyreke Evans really is a disappointment lol

‏@sheridanhoops

Stat line of the week went to Chris Paul. Line of the Weak went to Tyreke Evans, who had gone 258 games w/no donuts 

‏@CJMordock

Tyreke Evans now being paid $22 million per basket. #TakeFlight #Pelicans

‏@LakerOpinion

Tyreke Evans gets worse every year smh.

‏@kpinskeep

Smh @ the guy wearing a tyreke Evans jersey.

‏@SherwoodStrauss

Imagine how much coverage Tyreke Evans' miserable start would get if he was a $44 mil member of the Knicks. 

‏@Jason_Kiamco

Tyreke Evans has the worst shot selection.

‏@E__Twizzle

TYREKE EVANS IS SO BUTT!!

At least Tyreke will be doing something constructive: 

‏@iambnice

Don't forget 2night Eiffel is the move We got NBA player Tyreke Evans will be in the building Get there early it's going to be a fun night

Worst Team with 3 Wins.

2013-11-05T12:45:00.001-08:00

It's been 2 weeks into the season and there are some teams that have surprised us (Minnesota), and some that haven't (Washington).

It's just so fun to get up in what could be... so allow me to pop that bubble of hope.

Worst team with a winning record is Philadelphia!

First of all, I don't know a whole lot about this team, besides that there's a giant white dude who does not like to get near the basket, and would rather sit outside and shoot three's (PTB's favorite type of player). Spencer Hawes, I think his name is? Who else is on this team? Jru (Drew) Holliday (Holiday?), I'm pretty sure he got traded to the Pelicans? - There are so many question marks in that last paragraph, because there is so much uncertainty.

With good teams, there is no uncertainty. Bron is good, KLove is good. Who is the starting five on the Lakers? Swaggy P, Nash, Pau, Xavier Daniels?

The 76ers will come back down to earth. Real soon. What I'm really hoping is that the 76ers become so desperate that they ask AI to suit up. Iverson probably has the jersey under his clothes at every game he attends just hoping that the coach (who I have no idea who it is) will look to the stands and ask AI to get in the game. AI, takes his sweet fucking time taking off his chains, clothes, and shoes to reveal his jersey underneath. Walks down to the court, and jacks up enough shots to make Kobe jealous.

Anyway, that will never happen. The east is super pathetic at the bottom, so maybe the 76ers can sneak into the 8th seed.

NBA Opening Night

2013-10-29T21:53:00.004-07:00

The NBA is back, and sucking more than ever.
Fools we are.

Three pathetic games tonight. What have we learned?

Heat v Bulls
LeBRON is good, Boozer is not. Ray Allen is good, Dunleavy is not. Derrick Rose and he's jacking up shots as if he never left. Han still spin his way to the basket and hit layups with reckless abandon, but he still doesn't pass a lot. And why is that? Because he's still surrounded by fucking bums. Whoever thinks the Bulls are going to upset the Heat this year, you're wrong.

Lakers v Clippers
Blake Griffin was obviously way too busy filming KIA and GameFly commercials this off-season to practice his free throws. And Doc Rivers is trying to find the 15-man-sized-condom in order to take all feeling, excitement, and fun out of this team. Both Clippers and Bulls have a lot of improving to do before Christmas.

Pacers v Magic
Magic suck.

Video of the Weak

2013-08-29T23:37:00.001-07:00

I'm a little late on this. Only by 7 years or so. Which is longer than Sasha's NBA career (thank God).
But hey ya'll, peep this.

Lamar Odom is Missing

2013-08-26T18:27:00.001-07:00

Apparently Lamar Odom has gone missing. Multiple sources have informed me that Odom has been struggling with terrible production in the NBA the last few seasons, which could have led to his disappearance. Since I'm sure the Kardashians are freaking out, I would like to lend my hand to share a list of potential places Lamar could, and could not be.

Could be:

Hometown Buffet

Asleep in his car

Boston Market

Lost (like on the court)

Movie hopping in a theater

Mexico por el Vero Mango

A drive-thru

Candy Factory

Catching up on Breaking Bad

Getting a tattoo

Could not be:

Rebounding

La Fitness

Whole Foods

Lost in a good book

Dallas

Ralph Lauren

Conditioning

Being a good father

Happy

Iverson Retires...from life

2013-08-23T16:10:00.001-07:00

Allen Iverson has finally decided that after 4 years of not playing in the NBA (Not being good for about 6-7), he's hanging them up. We've all seen his painful appearances post NBA in which he expresses interest in playing again, and thank God there isn't a team desperate enough to pick him up; which is very surprising.

I know that the NBA is a guard driven league, but there's not one shitty team who would have taken a chance on AI? The Answer?! He crossed up Jordan! - zzzZzzzzz
I'm surprised a team with terrible guard play never picked him up, Lakers, Rockets, Magic, Indiana. No one, which proves how bad Allen Iverson really is. And that teams have decided they don't want a pure scoring point guard. Teams see the most success when guards distribute the ball (Kidd, Nash, Fii..shhe..rr?) anyway you know what I'm talking about.

But really he's just a bum who has spent all of his god damn money and would be a cancer in any locker room. The guy doesn't even like to practice. I wonder if he knows how to say practice in Mandarin?
Allen Iverson hasn't just given up on his dreams to play in the league again, he's given up all hope. What's he going to do next?!

He can't do broadcasting, no one wants to hear him talk about himself, or just be depressed on air. Although it would be interesting to see if he had a pair of shorts on underneath his suit, in case he felt he was needed on the court. Heroically tear off his suit and jump in the game! Which brings me to my next point.. he can't broadcast because he won't wear a suit! I don't think he's ever worn (or learned how to tie) a tie. AI was the catalyst for Stern to demand a dress code for players walking to the court, and sitting if injured. One can not broadcast in football jersey and chains AI...

Look for Allen Iverson at your local shoe dealer signing basketballs and shoes inspired by players much better than him.

Can't Update...

2013-06-25T15:06:00.001-07:00

Congrats to Miami. All you Haters rejoice.
No congrats to this web site.

WCF ECF Preview

2013-05-20T11:22:00.001-07:00

Grizzlies vs Spurs - Spurs in zzZZZZzzzZzzzzz..

A real test for all those "basketball purists," out there. It was easy when Memphis was playing Lob city, and OKC because the other team was exciting. Excitement vs Purists. San Antonio had the privilege of knocking off the annoying-as-fuck Lakers, then playing the uber exciting Warriors. Excitement vs Purists. It was watchable basketball. And now we're faced with the nightmare of Purists vs Purists. Fundamental Tim Duncan, and Below the Rim Z-Bo. To make matters worse, the first game was a blowout and unwatchable. Plus I don't know if either of these teams could beat the Heat. Maybe the Spurs because Pop would coach the pants off Spoelstra. But then again, does Spoelstra even really coach? Anyway, I'll be watching the rest of season 2 Game of Thrones instead of an out of shape Diaw hit corner threes for several games.

Heat vs Pacers - Heat in 5

*Editors note
Did we have a second round of the playoffs? And who the fuck voted for Carmelo Anthony as MVP? That shit is so weak. Dwight Howard is the most #loyal player in history. Terrance Williams is another statistic.

Good Riddance

2013-05-06T15:46:00.001-07:00

Here is a short list of the most tired storylines of the year.

1. The Lakers Suck
Yeah the fucking suck and I'm glad their season is finally over, because now we don't have to hear about them... for roughly one day. Now all I hear about is if the Lakers will suck NEXT YEAR. God damnit. But really, shouldn't we all feel a little foolish for not seeing this coming? Pau and Kobe haven't exactly been competing for a championship in the past few years. Dwight is a chump with a bad back. Number 10 is pregnant. Their star bench player is Antawn Jamison. Now that Kobe is out and Preggars is on maternity leave, Isn't it safe to say the Lakers will such shit next year too? Please stop talking about them.

2. Rose is out
All the stupid commercials, blogs, and speculation, could not bring D-Rose back again. So please stop talking about it. There have been a lot more signs pointing to him not returning, than returning, such as Rosh himself saying he won't return...so why are we still talking about this? And WHY would you want him to play against the Heat on his first game back? Talk about being thrown to the wolves. Chicago might as well accept the fact that he's not returning this year (just like I did last year), just how Laker fans should accept the fact that Kobe is not returning next year (just like I did this year).

3. Bron Bron's Hair Line
This is simply a case of not being able to diss him for anything basketball related.

He's not clutch! - Indiana happened, then Boston happened.

He doesn't have a jumper! - Shoots over 60%

Durant will get the MVP this year - 4

.. well his hairline sucks hahahah - Your life sucks in comparison

4. Something we should be talking about
How many coaches will be sacrificed to Daron Williams?
Why are the Hawks still in the league?
Who will be injured next? (My guess is Duncan)

Brown Stain

2013-04-25T09:50:00.001-07:00

Does Dan Gilbert really hate the people of Cleveland this much?

How badly do the people of Cleveland want their prodigal son back? Well for one, people dressed in shirts that read, "Come back, we miss you," storm onto the court towards BB and get arrested in the progress.

And in same ways, there is some logic behind salary caps and the new CBA that make the current HEAT roster need to break up. And if that happens, where does BB go? Back to a talented young team led by Uncle Drew?

Not NO MO

Say hello to Mike Brown, say goodbye to Bron Bron.

Dan Gilbert just squashed any chance of BB coming back home. And if that doesn't make matters bad enough, he apologized to Brown for the firing, and told him it wasn't his fault.Oh...so if it wasn't Brown's fault.. then whose was it?..

Sorry Cleveland. BB is never coming back. But look at this way, at least you're not Detroit.

Playoff Predictions

2013-04-18T12:51:00.001-07:00

Just when you fuckers thought I was finished! HA! I'm back in time to write about playoff basketball.. because it really matters.

WEST

THUNDER ROCKETS - THUNDER - 5

I would pick a clean sweet by OKC, but I got one game where Harden goes ridiculously crazy ballsy nuts-o and scores 50 points on the way to a victory. And the Rockets got my main man Chandler Parsons doing big things. But seriously I think I'm a little more interested in what Westbrook is gonna be wearing this year in his post-game interviews.

SPURS LAKERS - SPURS 6

This is tough. Not because I think the Lakers might pull it out, but because I'm not sure how many games they'll play. No one should be looking at the Spurs most recent loss to the Lakers. Manu was out, and so was Parker in the 4th. In fact, Parker was hardly playing at all. Steve Blake went out of his mind, and Antawn played over his head. I just can't wait for the Lakers season to be over with really. Hurry up and END. Here's to a hopeful sweep.

Warriors Nugs - Warriors in (lose lose situation) 7

Probably the most entertaining match up in the first round, this series brings a tear to my eye. It's like watching your two favorite fighters duke it out. I would have much rather watch a Warriors Lakers, or Nugs Spurs. I want these two entertaining teams to stay in the playoffs. If we keep Golden State's break-neck speed, and lights-out shooting, we lose JAVELE MCGEE! And that's not okay with me. But hey we can't always get what we want. Right Mick?

Clippers Grizz - Clips 5

Clippers got the toughest road ahead of them. If they beat the very tough Grizz, then they play the Thunder, then the Spurs, then the Heat. That's impossible. But I don't think they'll have too much trouble with the Grizz, they won the series this season, and beat them last year (when the Grizz still had Rudy Gay). The Clips have only gotten better, while the Grizz are starting to feel the pinch of the new CBA.
*There will be at least 2 Griffin and Randolph scuffles.

EAST

Knicks Celtics - Knicks in 4

Honestly who cares? Does anyone play on the Celtics anymore? They've lost everyone to injuries, and i don't care fdndoiniasdasinndndin

Heat Bucks - Heat 4

Bulls Nets
Another pile of shit coming out of the East. This has absolutely no entertainment value outside of Brooklyn. Not even the people of Chicago would step out into the cold frigid Chicago air to watch this crap. They're just going to wait until D Rose comes back, then they'll care again. Just like most other Late twenties/Early thirties fair weather bull fan.

Pacers Hawks - Pacers in 5

The Hawks are such an enigma in the league. They never have a legitimate chance to win the title, or even get to the conference finals. They're simply in the playoffs because of how consistently shitty the rest of the East is. I will not watch one game of the series.

MVP = BB, duh

Interview with DLF

2013-03-12T11:23:00.002-07:00

Its the return of NBHates favorite fan, the Delusional Laker Fan. He basks in sports radio, allowing it to brainwash the shit out of him. Believes the Lakers will cruise through the playoffs on their way to another championship. Nash and Kobe (mostly Kobe) are drinking from the fountain of youth, and Dwight is finding his stride. And he doesn't shop at discount stores.

1. How do you feel this season has been?
Complete shitshow, hands down the most frustrating season for DLF's across socal. I've given up on this team at least 10 times just to get sucked back in after a few mediocre wins.

2. Are they making the playoffs?
Duh

3. Who do you want to face in the first round? OKC, Spurs, Clips, or Grizz?
Anybody but OKC. Clippers would be a dream scenario Would be the first time in NBA history the away team would have 7 home games.

4. How do you feel about the league fixing games so the Lakers get in?
Honestly I feel great about it. Not sure if you know me but I have no morals/ethics.

5. If the Lakers don't make the playoffs what will you do?
Hit Seaners in his tard helmet.*

6. Do you shop at Nordstrom Rack?
No. Too busy charging up my Macys card.

7. Bigger disappointment, Jodie Meeks or Chris Duhon?
Duhon

8. Give me two words that describe d'Antoni.
Fucking Moron

9 Remember when radio was saying this was the return to Showtime? Tell me about that.
They lied, sounds like something Jon "cock sucker" Ireland would say.

10. This is the chance to tell the world what it's like to be the DLF, what would you like them to know?
One word. Championship.

*edit

Ode to Brandon Knight

2013-03-10T23:32:00.001-07:00

Yeah so I took some time off. Eat SHIT. Its not like the NBA is giving us anything to shout about..until tonight...

Now everyone is up in arms giving DJ hi-fives and dick slaps because he dunked on someone an entire foot shorter than him. Am I impressed? Yes. By DJ, no.

DJ smashes on everyone, and yeah he's been on my smash radar for a few years now, so I've come to expect Lob City to crush the Bombed-out-Depleted-Poor-as-FUCK Motor City.

And in a league that's full of overpaid, entitled, I'm-too-busy-making-commercials, pieces of shits. Most players would have gotten out of the way, ran away, not jumped, not given a shit. I'm happy Brandon Knight (A Rookie!) took a risk and tried to make an amazing play.

Because lets face, if he makes the block, its the BLOCK OF THE YEAR. ENDS DETROIT'S UNEMPLOYMENT, KIDS START BLEACHING THEIR HAIR AGAIN, ENDS THOSE FUCKING CHRYSLER COMMERCIALS!

Knight bravely jumped and attempted to block a dunk by someone much taller than him, he fell on his back, and the internet obliterated his image. But get up young Knight, your ego might be bruised, but your courage stands tall* above the mounds of garbage the league gives us.

*cheeseball alert.

Seattle Suicide

2013-02-15T11:31:00.002-08:00

The poll is over (has been for a week now) and you have chosen the Seattle Suicide as the next name for the a franchise in the Seattle Area.

As a bunch of cynical bastards, I had the feeling you would pick this, but it makes sense. Gloomy skies, a lot of bridges, high divorce rate, Demarcus Cousins, it just makes sense.

The Seattle Suicide sounds awful, but anything is better than going back to the SuperSonics. Let me explain.

I was a big fan of the Sonics in the mid 90's. I was young and impressionable so naturally seeing Shawn Kemp - pre-cocaine, dunking on someone then pointing to them on the ground was just the baddest thing on the planet. Gary Payton was the scary black guy that I wanted to be friends with. Detlef Schrempf was the pure shooter/weird foreign guy. And Sam Perkins was the lazy big man who just wanted to shoot the three (setting the way for players such as Mehmet Okur, Pau Gasol, and Channing Frye). So much to love!

So naturally when the team got swindled out of Seattle and moved to Oklahoma over night, I was furious. I was pissed at Stern and the rest of the league officials. (I hold grudges what can I say?)

Two Christmas' ago, a friend of mine gave me a retro Sonics hat. I loved it, it exemplified my old love for the team, and my angst towards the NBA. IT WAS A STATEMENT.

If the God-awful Kings move up to Seattle and become the Sonics my hat will become useless. Instead of it being a throwback to one of the most entertaining duos in history, it will be a reminder of how wretched the combination of Tyreke Evans and Jimmer Fredette is. TYREKE EVANS AND JIMMER FREDETTE.

Its selfish of me to save the integrity of my hat, but now that I think about it... they won't be called the Seattle Suicide because of the condition of Seattle PRIOR to the Kings move, but because of what will become of Seattle once the Kings move there.