NEAT & SIMPLE LIVING with Organizing Coach Ariane Benefit

Simplifying the Holidays - Less Stress, More Giving Where it's Really Needed

2009-11-20T14:38:42-05:00

It's that time of year again! Are you ready for the holidays? Are you stressing out? This year more than ever for us, it's about keeping it simple, and making really thoughtful choices about how to spend money and how to give where it's really needed. Here's what we've decided.

FOOD BANK DONATIONS INSTEAD OF CARD SENDING

Instead of sending holiday cards, we are going to use the money for cards and postage to make a donation to our local Bloomfield NJ Food Pantry and Thift Shop which is part or a really neat network that supports people in emergency situations. The M.E.N.D. network (Meeting Emergency Needs with Dignity) They have a Most Needed Items list...if you aren't sure what your food bank needs - GIFT CARDS to Supermarkets are a GREAT option!

Bloomfield NJ also has a partnership with the Montclair Human Needs Food Pantry in NJ

If you would like to contribute to your local food banks the Feeding America website has a Food Bank Locator.

Find a Food Bank

WINTER CLOTHING DONATIONS

We are also going through all our winter clothes and coats to donate as much as we can to the Winter Clothing Drive drive there. I've lost some weight...and am in a smaller size...so EVERYTHING in a larger size is GOING! I am refusing to give into the "But what if I regain the weight" thinking.

Donations are going to the Montclair Human Needs Food Pantry in NJ and Bloomfield NJ Food Pantry and Thift Shop (Yes, I'm linking to them to help their Google Ranking)

VOLUNTEERING TIME INSTEAD OF CARD SENDING

The time we usually spend on card sending is going to be spent volunteering at the Community Food Bank of NJ distribution center.

Web Site: www.njfoodbank.org

31 Evans Terminal Road
Hillside , NJ 07205-2400
Map it 908.355.3663

GOT MORE IDEAS? SHARE THEM HERE!

Would love to hear your ideas for charitable ways to celebrate the holidays...

Also how will your holiday celebrations / traditions will be different or simpler this year?

I hope they are full of much to be thankful for,

This cat is seriously stuck!

2009-11-17T20:14:38-05:00

via content.ytmnd.com

via www.cutesexyfunnyawful.com

Ever have days or weeks that feel like this? May they be few and far between....but if they are piling up on you...maybe it's time to try something different? Something that really helps you make lasting changes in your life?

In December, we'll be helping participants reduce stress through the holidays...we have openings for 10 women ready to experience group coaching and learn creative ways to reduce stress.

Learn more here

Embracing Mistakes: A Power Tool for Getting Unstuck, Overcoming Procrastination, and Taking Action

2009-11-09T12:04:21-05:00

You cannot make progress in life without making decisions. And can't take action and make progress, without learn to embrace making mistakes. Most accomplished people will tell you - they could never have gotten where they are without making LOTS of mistakes. In fact they make more bad decisions than good ones. The difference is that instead of beating themselves up and retreating, they learn from their mistakes and try again. Think about anything you know that works well for you, or that you enjoy. You had to try it out first. Learn, and then make adjustments to it. You had to experience using it, or doing it, then you knew for sure if you liked it or not. You may not even have liked it at first, but perhaps made adjustments and then liked it. Every recipe you like, every organizing system that does work well for you, you had to try it, and probably adjust it a few times before it worked. Or perhaps you had to ditch it and start over. The key is that learning from previous attempts is how you learned what you like and what works for you. By embracing mistakes and taking the time to really notice what you can learn from them, you maximize your investment in making them.

When you beat yourself for your mistakes, the opposite happens. You reduce your ability to learn from them and actually magnify the cost of the mistake. What fears are keeping you from getting started, taking action, and making valuable mistakes you can learn from?

Fear you might waste time, money, energy?
Fear you will change your mind?
Fear you will feel regret?
Fear you won't be able to recover from the embarrassment?
Fear you will disappoint someone?
Fear you might have to do something twice? Like go through a pile of clutter more than once?

I hear these fears from people all the time. The key is to notice the fear, but do it anyway. Get past the uncertainty. Realize that you can live through the anxiety and not only that, you can learn to become GRATEFUL for your mistakes. So, How can you make a decision today, all the while knowing that you WILL probably want to change your mind later? or you will get tired of it? or you might have to do it again, etc.? The answer lies in changing the whole way you look at making mistakes.

What if you could believe that all of your mistakes are actually highly valuable?

What if your mistakes are actually the key to your happiness?

What if you minimized the downside risks of your decisions, by planning on the fact that you will probably change your mind later and may have to to do it again, knowing that next time, you will have the benefit of learning a lot from the first attempt? How would your life change if you considered every first choice as a learning experience, a first draft, instead of as a possible mistake? How much faster could get things done? How much less stress would you feel?

Would you go ahead and try saying no to an activity you don't want to do, even though you are "afraid" the other person "might" be disappointed, but even if they were, they wouldn't die and you could still change your mind?

What if you found out they understood completely and weren't disappointed at all?

What an empowering lesson to learn. By getting past your fears, taking risks, and making mistakes, you get to learn more about you really like and don't like, what works for you and what doesn't. Unfortunately, sometimes those lessons cost time and money. But then again, so does food, and clothing, and education and everything else we need in life. Making mistakes is actually the cornerstone of a good education. The trick is not to think of money spent on learning about yourself as a "waste". It's an investment in making yourself more able to have a happier life! You can't buy happiness....but you can buy the lessons needed to acquire it.

The price of freedom is becoming willing to make mistakes, take chances, deal with the consequences of your choices and LEARN what makes you happy. You simply can't learn what works for you without the experience that comes from investing in making mistakes and maximizing what you can learn from them.

________________________________________

This is just one of my exclusive posts from our Group Coaching Program Forum on Prioritizing What Really Matters. I have posted lots more content and exercises to help participants figure out what is truly important to them, clear the challenges they face in prioritizing, and deal with all the distractions that sideline them.

There is still time to join us this month! You can download the recording of our first session in which I coached 2 brave women on How to Say No and Set Boundaries to make time for themselves, and on how to prioritize being on time.

We all learned so much from helping these delightful women work through the real issues and find a solution. Join us for the next session on Thursday November 19. Learn more here

_________________________________________

Seeking Participants for New Hoarding and Chronic Disorganization Documentary Series on the Discovery Channel

2009-11-07T17:46:04-05:00

I spoke with Cecile, the producer of this new documentary series on Hoarding and Chronic Disorganization today. She is sending me the Pilot episode to review. But in the meantime, I wanted to start getting the word out in case you might like to participate on the show and get free therapy, organizing and clean up services. Here are some additional facts about the show:

1. They start filming in December and January - so act quickly if you are interested.

2. They are recruiting the top doctors, authors and researchers in the field to provide free counseling for participants.

3. They would prefer to have your family members or friends involved in helping you or at least be willing to be interviewed.

4. You don't have to be living in total squalor to qualify. In fact you don't have to be a level 5 hoarder. If you are chronically disorganized, and have lots of clutter, that could qualify you.

5. Be prepared to send a few photos.

6. If you are in Northern or Central New Jersey, and are interested in working with me as your Organizing Coach along with the therapist, and are willing to be on this show, let me know. I'm not promising I'll do the show, but I'm thinking about it. She assured me that they are NOT looking to create any trauma and you don't have to clean out your whole house fast. You can take it slowly and just do one room.

They really want to focus on the treatment, and are not looking for people who on the verge of eviction, etc.

You can contact my voicemail at 973-826-0660. This phone number does not ring in my office, it's messages only, so be prepared to leave your name, number, city and state, and let me know what your level of interest is in being on the show, and when is the best time for me to call you.

If you can, please email me photos. Requests with photos and in ESSEX, BERGEN, PASSAIC, MORRIS, UNION counties in NJ will be given priority. Basically within a half hour or so from Bloomfield / Montclair, NJ.

Thank you!

Ariane

__________________________________________________________________

Discovery Studios, a division of Discovery Communications, Inc., is producing a new series of hour-long documentary style shows about hoarding and extreme cases of chronic disorganization, which will air on TLC. We are currently recruiting people who would like to participate.

If you or someone in your life is chronically disorganized, we welcome the opportunity to speak with you. The goal of the series is to promote better understanding of why people hoard, what steps can be taken to deal with the issue, and how a comprehensive exploration of this common problem can lead to positive change for the people involved.

We understand the very personal and sometimes embarrassing nature of this issue. Our series will treat all program participants with respect and compassion.

For those willing to participate, we will offer assistance with finding licensed therapists as well as professional organizers who can offer support.

If you or someone you know is interested in discussing the project further, please contact:

Email: cecilebou@gmail.com (out of town November 7-16)

Phone: 917-592-5856 (in New York)

Email: burkfinley@gmail.com

Phone: 202-549-1750 (in Washington D.C.)

What is "Prioritizing" anyway? Why is it SO HARD? And What can You do About it?

2009-11-01T13:27:16-05:00

When I read books on time management and prioritizing, I find that many of them focus on Prioritizing defined as reviewing your TO DO list and deciding what is

A - most important and urgent
B - somewhat important but not urgent
C - least important and least urgent

But for many of us, distinguishing what is important among the many things we care about, is made incredibly difficult by the way our brains and emotions work. Emotions and brain chemicals greatly influence what seems important or urgent at any given moment. We can think of something that needs to be done in one moment and be incredibly energized by it. It truly seems in the moment like the most important thing on earth at the time.

So we either forget about everything else and act on that feeling immediately, or we put it on our to do list in hopes of "getting back to it later." Then, if you are at all like me, later comes around, I look at the item on my to do list, remember thinking it was so important, I but I can't for the life of me remember why!

Has this ever happened to you?

Personally, I have NEVER been able to look at a list of Action Items, systematically prioritize it with A's B's and C's and then follow it exactly without getting frustrated. And honestly, I have stopped trying to do that. And you know what?

Everything important gets done anyway.

Why? because there are many ways to prioritize and the ABC system (and the Covey System, David Allen's GTD, and the Julie Morganstern system) are only just a few of them! Furthermore, the ABC system is often NOT the best way for creatives and ADDers.

In fact, it is often one of the worst ways! Why? because.......

Because we often fail at using other people's systems, and then we start thinking we are defective.

And we AREN'T.

We are just different! We need to design and invent our own system that works with the way we think.

Besides, there is a lot more to establishing priorities than just ranking what's on your do list.

Many Prioritizing decisions happen long before things even make it on to your TO DO list. And, to make things even more challenging, prioritizing decisions have to made constantly throughout the day as new possibilities and situations emerge.

Ultimately, every single action we take is the result of a prioritizing decision.

To a person with ADD, or high creativity, making all those decisions can often be utterly exhausting, even excruciatingly painful, and stressful. Try as hard we might to pre-plan our actions and days, they still seem to feel like they are out of our control.

What's your Daily Prioritizing Agony?

For some of us, daily prioritizing agony starts with the choice "what should I wear today?"

Do I prioritize:

looking good?

comfort?

wearing something different every day?

creative accessorizing?

or getting dressed FAST so I can move on to other tasks?

Underlying that might also be the question, should I get up earlier so I have more time to dress and not be late to work? So now, we are having to choose between time for sleeping vs. time for dressing vs. being on time for work.

That is how overwhelm works. We get bogged down in indecision caused by thinking of so many possibilities and then freezing at the thought of making a really tough choice between 2 or more values or things we care about.

Overwhelm is a sign. It tells us that we haven't taken the time to sort out our choices and the values they represent. We haven't made a clear decision about what exactly is most important to us and then, create a system for ourselves to support us in remembering what we decided, and then ACTING on it even when acting on it is uncomfortable.

It's not enough to state a priority...we need to be really clear that it's our TRUE priority, and support it with time and energy. Otherwise, we get stuck in a pattern of having to make the same stressful choices every day, or worse, we give up and stop trying. Taken to the extreme, we can even end up living in total chaos and even squalor.

Prioritizing What to Eat

For others of us, a significant challenge every day is the choice of "What should I eat?"

Do I prioritize

taste?

health?

convenience?

how long it takes to cook or prepare?

how messy it will be to clean up?

how much the food costs?

emotional comfort?

Sometimes we can't have it all. We have to accept that and find a way to deal with the trade-offs we might have to make.

Prioritizing What to Keep

For many of us prioritizing what things to keep or let go of throughout the day is another exhausting prioritizing challenge. Even something as simple as what mail to keep can be stressful. And if we keep it, where to put it?

Here's another example.

Have you ever tried on clothing from your closet, hated the way it looks on you, taken it off and kept it anyway? Have you ever done this more than 5 or even 10 times and still kept it? I sure have.

Many of us keep clothing for years, even though we NEVER wear it and always choose something that looks better on us. Those of us who do things like this, tend to have this pattern with many other things in our lives, too. And not only with things, we do it with our time, energy, and money, too.

We keep doing things even though we don't really enjoy them anymore. Maybe we used to enjoy them, or keep hoping we will grow to enjoy them again, but time passes and we still don't.

Why do we do things like this? What are we really prioritizing?

Do we prioritize our fear of wasting things? or "wasting" money? our fear of disappointing people? fear of making a mistake? fear of regret?

Do we prioritize how we feel when we wear clothing and decide to let it go? or how we will feel if we close off the option of having that clothing, and then keep it so we don't ever to feel the discomfort of making the decision?

Do we prioritize the possibility of how many things we could possibly do with a thing? or how much space we have to sacrifice to keep it? or the memories associated with it? or how it makes us feel when we look at it or touch it? or how it makes us feel during the act of parting with it?

Is it more important to avoid the short term pain of parting with it, or the long term pain of keeping it?

Are we even conscious of the pain that comes from keeping it?

Like the disappointment we experience every time we try on that clothing that doesn't really flatter us and we feel bad about ourselves again? or the frustration that comes up every time we have to move things out of the way to get to the things we really need and it makes us angry yet again?

Or are we only noticing the relief from anxiety and the momentary comfort we get from keeping things we don't need or even like anymore?

As you can see, even the most basic of choices in our lives reflect our TRUE priorities. This is what we will be focusing on this month's Getting Unstuck program.

We'll be coaching participants on their prioritizing challenges, and helping them discover creative, intuitive and ADD - friendly (and "creative personality type - friendly") ways to figure out their true priorities and put them into action! Would you like to join us? We start November 5!

Learn more about "Prioritizing What Really Matters" here

Ariane

Do you get extra stressed during the holidays? Relief is Here!

2009-10-29T13:57:12-04:00

If you tend to get stressed by the holiday season, you are not alone. Those of us with ADD and/ or creative personality types are triply challenged by all the possibilities and decisions of the season. We face temptation at every turn. We want ALL the cute decorations, we want to give gifts to EVERYONE, we want to send cards to EVERYONE and got ALL the parties.

There are so many decisions to be made. So much stress. How do you add all these extras to your life without getting overstressed and overwhelmed?

Getting coaching and support to help you simplify, and stay focused on self-care may be just what you need to reduce stress and get more joy out your holidays! To help you do that, Ellen Shapiro and I have created a program which is designed FOR ADDers and ANY WOMAN who feels extra stressed and challenged to complete all the extra tasks the Holiday Season brings, like gift shopping, card sending, and more!

"Staying Centered and Reducing Stress
Through the Holidays"
December 3, 10 & 17

With this program y ou get
2 Group Coaching Sessions
+ 1 Repatterning / Coaching Session
+ Exclusive Articles , Exercises & Discussion Forum for each topic
+ Free recording of my classes on
"Simplifying Your Life" "Organizing 101"
and many other Free Downloads
+ Live Online Private Chat Room and Forums

Learn more and Register Here!

PREFER PRIVATE COACHING?

If you aren't up for a group, you can also contact me about private coaching to get you through the holiday season. As a Holiday bonus, I'll share one of our recordings from the group with you for FREE! You can:

Wishing you a peaceful and harmonious Holiday season,

Clutter-free Holiday Gift Ideas!

2009-10-20T05:31:00-04:00

It's that time of year again! Time to decide who you are going to give what to. As always, I'm on the lookout for clutter free Christmas & Holiday gifts...so here are some of my favorite clutter-free gift ideas...

Popcorn & movie rentals (who would ever let popcorn become clutter??? : )
A digital photo slide presentation on the web or use Powerpoint of a special event / memories you shared with the person.
A free night or weekend of babysitting is always popular with moms.
A gift basket with fruit, nuts and other fresh edibles. If the recipient can't eat it all, they can share it with others!
Plants and flowers are great, if you know their taste, and know they have room for it! Plants that can be planted outside are an excellent choice.
Tickets to movies, concerts, games, etc. are always great...be sure you know their schedule..or give them a gift certificate so they can pick their own event.
One of my favorites - a massage, pedicure or even a day at a spa! Here again, with any personal services, it's always a good idea to find out where they like to go before buying the gift certificate.
How about a weekend at a retreat/spa such as www.newagehealthspa.com This is a place I love to visit to eat healthy, relax & exercise. Plus I always learn something because they give a workshop every evening.
Make a favorite dish and deliver it.
Another humanitarian alternative is to give the gift of charity...organizations like http://www.altgifts.org or to Habitat for Humanity https://www.habitat.org/donation/gfth/
And then of course there is the Buy Nothing Christmas movement which has some interesting ideas. http://www.buynothingchristmas.org/alternatives/index.html They have a free information kit (downloadable) at http://www.buynothingchristmas.org/resources/info-kit.html

Wishing you a happy, healthy & clutter-free holiday season!

p.s. To help our members celebrate a simpler, less stressful holiday season, we've planned some really neat Getting Unstuck monthly programs for women only. We'll be covering

"Prioritizing What Really Matters" in November and

"Staying Centered and Reducing Stress Through the Holidays" in December.

We conduct the calls live on Thursdays, but even if you can't make it live, you will get to download the recordings, and choose from our Free Download Library, read and post in the Community Forums and more. Learn more here

Originally published in Oct. 2006 - Updated Oct. 2009

Hoarders: the TV Show is Casting For Season 2

2009-10-17T17:47:11-04:00

I got this message from someone at A&E...thought I'd pass it along in case you or someone you know may be interested in taking advantage of the help they provide for free. FYI - I'm not "recommending" this, I just wanted to let you know about it because I get asked often how to get on a show like this.

All the best,

Ariane

____________________________________________

Hoarders on A&E is casting its second season of the groundbreaking documentary television series that sheds much needed light on this complicated and underreported condition. Each hour long episode will follow two individuals who suffer from this mental illness thru a crisis situation that is directly caused by their hoarding.

We will provide free services for the hoarder, such as a mental health support, professional organizers, and professional cleanup and/or junk removal services. Each case will be considered on an individual basis, and services will be tailored to fit individual needs. Our professionals like Dr. Tolin all have experience treating this population and are appropriately trained and credentialed.

We are looking for individuals willing to spend 3-5 days sharing their stories on camera.

We understand that compulsive hoarding is an extremely emotional and difficult disorder, and it is our hope that by sharing the personal stories of our guests it will help others realize they are not alone. We will also share the right way for families and friends to approach a hoarder to, hopefully, avoid dangerous living environments.

What we are looking for:

1. Individuals willing to tell their story.

2. Individuals motivated to change by a ticking clock, or crisis caused by hoarding that needs to be addressed immediately.

3. We need to show how the hoarding has impacted friends and/or loved ones.

These individuals will need to appear on camera and share their side of the story.

Whatever your crisis, whatever your story, we are interested in listening.

If you or someone you know is a compulsive hoarder please go to our website to learn more information and to apply:http://www.aetv.com/hoarders/

NEAT & SIMPLE LIVING with Organizing Coach Ariane Benefit

Simplifying the Holidays - Less Stress, More Giving Where it's Really Needed

This cat is seriously stuck!

Embracing Mistakes: A Power Tool for Getting Unstuck, Overcoming Procrastination, and Taking Action

Seeking Participants for New Hoarding and Chronic Disorganization Documentary Series on the Discovery Channel

What is "Prioritizing" anyway? Why is it SO HARD? And What can You do About it?

What's your Daily Prioritizing Agony?

Prioritizing What to Eat

Prioritizing What to Keep

Do you get extra stressed during the holidays? Relief is Here!

"Staying Centered and Reducing StressThrough the Holidays"

December 3, 10 & 17

Clutter-free Holiday Gift Ideas!

Hoarders: the TV Show is Casting For Season 2

"Staying Centered and Reducing Stress
Through the Holidays"